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Xenk awoke from his nightmare with a gasp. For a long moment he was still there. Still back in Thay, with the Beckoning Death taking away the home and the family that he had once known. His mind tried to pry away from the dream, but it was hard. Most of all, because it was not a dream. It was a memory, that would follow him, that would prowl and wait for him to fall asleep. Then they would be there.
It was not even the only bad memory he had – there were so many of those – but this was the one waiting the most often. Because in his entire life, in his entire long, long life, he had never felt as helpless and afraid as that day in Thay.
Somehow he managed to pry his mind away, awake, back to the present. The present was far away from all of that, but yet somehow close. They had found a nice place to sleep beneath a big yew tree. He was not even alone.
Even now, his heart was still racing, as he turned on his cape and looked up to the sky. The stars were out, though a couple of clouds were still covering them as well. The animals of the night were all around. There was an owl hooting and somewhere in the forest not far from them, a fox was gaggling.
A nice night. A good night. Right? So why was his heart still racing.
Someone grunted beside him and when he turned he found Holga looking at him. “You should sleep,” she said. “We’ve a long march ahead tomorrow still.”
“Then you should be sleeping as well,” he observed.
“Can’t. You are too uneasy.”
“What?”
“Hey, Ed,” she said, grabbing over Xenk to shake Edgin by his shoulder. “Your boyfriend can’t sleep.”
Edgin yawned, stretched and looked at her in confusion. “What?”
“Your boyfriend cannot sleep,” she just said.
Xenk stared at Edgin and Edgin stared back. Xenk would not lie, of course. Because lying was dishonorable. He would not lie and say everything was okay. But he did not want to speak about it, either. He did not want everyone to worry about him.
But maybe he was unlucky in this regard, as now Kira was stirring as well. “What is going on?” she mumbled, her eyes still half closed.
“Xenk can’t sleep.”
It seemed, that Edgin was now awake enough to parse the information. “Why can’t you sleep?” he inquired, putting one hand onto Xenk’s.
Such a gentle touch.
Xenk gave in. If he would not, people would loose even more sleep because of him. “I had a nightmare.”
“What did you dream about?” Kira asked. She climber over her father to be now closer to Xenk. Another thing that seemed so strange to him. With those dark eyes, she looked at him.
“Of my early days, when Szass Tam took Thay,” he explained. “At times I still dream about it. And then I will wake.”
“I do have nightmares, too, at times,” Kira said. “Still to this day.”
“Yeah,” Holga grumbled. “Me, too. I think all of us…”
“What in the nine hells…” Simon groaned and pushed himself up. “Are we leaving already?”
“Yeah,” Doric agreed. “Why the ruckus.”
“Xenk can’t sleep,” Holga and Kira offered up in synch.
“You can go back to sleep, my friends,” Xenk said. “I will manage.”
“Bullshit,” Holga said. “You should not be left alone with your nightmares.” She pulled him by the shoulder. “Come here.”
“What are you doing?” Instinctively Xenk tensed against her, while she tried to clearly pull him close – only that he could not ascertain the purpose of this maneuver.
“She is trying to hug you,” Kira helpfully explained, pushing him against the barbarian warrior. “Holga gives great hugs.”
“I am not entirely certain that a hug…” His protest was cut off, as Holga just pressed him against her own torso.
“Relax,” she soothed and patted his back. “Everyone needs a good hug in a while.”
Xenk was not certain, if this did count for him as well. He had decided that he liked being hugged by Edgin, but this… This was strange. Though the woman’s arms were like bench vises. Strong and almost impossible to escape.
“It’s okay.” Kira skuttled closer to him, wrapping an arm around his hip, his head now against his shoulders. Given that he had stripped of his armor to sleep, he could even feel her breath against his body.
Still he was tensing, though after a moment he had to admit, that one thing was true: He was no longer thinking about his nightmare or about Szass Tam. But still. This warmth was strange. This closeness was strange.
“You can say, if it gets too much, Xenk,” Edgin offered, though he clearly skuttled up behind Kira as well. Xenk could feel the man’s arm. A gesture that had by now become somewhat familiar.
“Are we now all going to cuddle?” Simon asked.
Holga grunted. A guttural sound that Xenk could actually feel. “Xenk seems to need it.”
He was unable to make out the sorcerer’s response, but in the end, he could hear the rustling, as both Simon and Doric were skuttling closer as well.
“I have made the experience, that at some times, a good hug helps a lot,” Doric said.
So, did it help? Xenk was not entirely certain. But being held like this stirred a distant memory in his mind. A memory from long ago, when he had been a child and would wake from his sleep with a nightmare as well. Then he would climb into his parents’ bed and they would hold him just like this. Close and warm. And then he would feel safe.
Maybe this was something similar after all. Being held by people he trusted. Friends. Or family. He did not know. But he could feel himself relax just a little, surrounded by their warmth, their lives.
“See?” Holga muttered. “This is all better, right?”
He did not want to answer, because answering did feel unnecessary at the moment. He just closed his eyes and tried to not think too much about his past, thinking about his “now” instead. Where all those people were here, travelling with him and fighting by his side. To maybe, one day, bring an end to Szass Tam’s reign. And some peace to him.