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nezuko was finally asleep, coming down from the high of battle deep in her demon form. tanjiro wasn't a very good singer (inosuke and zenitsu had both insisted on it), but his humming at least seemed to calm her down. now she lay on the mat on the floor, tucked in and peaceful finally.
tanjiro sighed deeply, taking care of his sister was one thing, but taking care of a demon was another. it was hard, especially when he couldn't feed her anything. when they lived on the mountain, tanjiro loved when their mother made vegetable salad because of the way nezuko and hanako's faces would light up.
he smiled fondly at the memory, running a hand through his sister's hair before there was a sound outside the door.
"who's there?" he was immediately on the defensive, he was still running on adrenaline from the previous battle and he didn't want to wake nezuko.
but when the door slid open, there sat genya on his knees with blood running down his face. his eyes were wavering in and out of focus as he bit harshly at his lip with his demon fangs. he breathily muttered something that tanjiro couldn't make out.
"genya! let's bring you back to your room, i just got nezuko settled down," he spoke as he moved to hoist genya up with an arm around his shoulder. the boy was heavy and tanjiro's strength was wavering, but he was determined to help. genya had been fighting with demonic genes in him, his body must've been exhausted.
tanjiro spoke to him on the way to his room, about how cool he looked in battle and how much help he was.
"i wasn't sure i would've been able to do anything without you, genya! you were amazing!" he beamed brightly towards genya as they entered his room.
genya's expression was unreadable; tanjiro couldn't tell if he was thankful or mad. nevertheless, he sat him down on his mat and made sure he was comfortable.
"was that all?"
genya furrowed his brows, he looked... confused? frustrated? tanjiro wasn't sure how to describe it.
"tan-jiro.." he managed.
"yes?"
"st..stay.."
tanjiro was taken aback- genya wanted him to stay? but he had been so adamant on surpassing him and proving he was better. he had been so angry with tanjiro, so determined to not like him. it reminded him of inosuke a bit, but unlike inosuke, praise didn't seem to soften genya's hard exterior.
but tanjiro considered him his friend, especially after that gruesome battle they'd been through. so he stayed.
"don't worry, i'll stay. just relax."
genya's whole body relaxed, like he'd let out a large sigh. he laid down on his mat, aided by tanjiro's careful hands. it kind of amazed genya, how could someone so kind and with such kind hands fight so violently?
no.
that wasn't right. tanjiro fought honorably. his hands were kind, he never hurt anyone that wasn't a demon- and even after he had killed demons, the lunatic prayed for them. it baffled genya. how could he stand to be so strong and kind?
genya had tried kindness, god knows he tried. but his attempted kindness had gotten his family killed, so he traded his kindness for strength. he worked as gyomei's tsugoko to build up his strength, he couldn't master stone breathing so he ate demons. he was strong. stronger than most demon slayers.
and yet, his strength was never enough. never enough to the person that mattered. never enough never enough never enough.
he couldn't waste any strength being kind, because for most people, kindness was a weakness. the mist hashira wasn't kind, and he was stronger than genya was at 14.
his brother was strong, and he was far from kind.
no, that wasn't right either. sanemi was very kind. he was just angry.
and why wouldn't he be?
maybe genya had never been kind. he used to get in fights a lot, he had blamed his brother for the death of their mother, he utilized demon's features to fight.
god, he was pathetic.
he looked up at tanjiro, his kind hands in his lap and his eyes far away. he was deep in thought.
why couldn't genya ever match up to the people he looked up to?
he couldn't stand to be kind or strong, he had to pick one. he couldn't mend what he'd broken- so how strong was he really? tanjiro's sister had turned into a demon, and their relationship was fine. how come when tragedy struck them they hadn't fallen apart?
it wasn't fair.
it was genya's fault. he had broken them apart.
murderer! why did you kill mom?!
he wept.
-
genya was amazing. he harnessed demon power to fight, he was just as cool as nezuko was. and tanjiro thought nezuko was cool, but his worry always overpowered his amazement. he didn't want her to push herself too far, she was his sister after all.
and genya was his friend. he couldn't stand to see him push himself, no matter how amazing he was.
he smiled softly, looking down at genya.
wait.
why was he crying?
"g-genya! i'm sorry! i shouldn't have spaced out like that! are you okay?!"
genya sobbed and tanjiro was immediately so frustrated. he had no idea what to do! genya wasn't one of his siblings, he wasn't sure what was okay to do and what wasn't.
he hesitantly reached out to grab genya's hand, making genya flinch away for a moment. but he recognized it as tanjiro's and closed his trembling fingers around it.
he tried to speak but began coughing, deep and rough. it sounded painful.
"hang on! i'll get you some water!" tanjiro moved to get up, but before he could he felt a sudden squeeze of his hand. he turned back to see genya shaking his head weakly.
"stay.."
tanjiro wanted to bang his head against a wall; duh! genya had asked him to stay and here he went trudging off to leave him.
"sorry!"
genya shook his head, "'s okay.... d-don't be... be sorry."
tanjiro wrapped his other hand over genya's and smiled sadly.
"are you okay?"
genya wanted to laugh, what a question. he didn't know the last time he felt okay. maybe when he was 10 and his brother had agreed to teach him how to skip rocks over the pond. he and a few of his siblings were fishing, and genya had been amazed at sanemi's precision.
he still was.
"mhmm.. just.. j-just tired.."
tanjiro's face scrunched up in contemplation, as if this was strange to him.
"oh! maybe i can help!"
genya tilted his head in confusion, how was he supposed to help? all genya wanted to do was sleep, he just wanted someone with him. tanjiro didn't have to do anything else.
"zenitsu tells me i can't sing, which i guess must be true since he has such good hearing. he tells me i sound like a sword against rough sandpaper." tanjiro'd face was twisted into a pout as he spoke of zenitsu's criticism.
genya felt himself chuckle softly, his body hurt when he did, but it was soothing to feel something other than fear and guilt.
"but, whenever nezuko is tired and can't sleep- especially after she's been in her demon form for so long- i do this," he moved before genya could protest.
tanjiro shifted over, gently resting genya's head on his knees and using his kind hands to card his fingers through his hair. each time he raked his fingers against genya's scalp, it felt like electric shocks tingling his body. he was tense.
he wasn't used to this.
"sometimes i hum too, usually a lullaby that my mother used to sing us."
his mother. that's right, tanjiro had lost his mother too. he had lost his entire family to a demon. and not just any demon- to muzan kibutsuji.
the thought alone made genya tear up once more. his family had been slaughtered for no good reason by the founder of all demons. genya's family had been killed by some lower rank that was easily slain by a child.
it made his heart burn with envy. tanjiro was able to come back from the tragedy determined to defeat muzan, while genya moped over a demon that didn't matter.
he was evil. if muzan had killed genya's family how would he have reacted? would sanemi even be alive? would he?
he began to blubber like a baby, crying loudly as tanjiro gently brushed through his hair. he was evil. he couldn't be kind when thoughts of jealousy ran through his head. he was jealous of tanjiro. how come he got attacked by the worst of all demons and came out of it with his sister? how come genya had to suffer?
he knew it was his fault. the absence of his brother reminded him every day. every day he woke up wishing sanemi was with him still, the two of them could make breakfast while giggling and trying not to wake their siblings.
or maybe they'd wake up and have to clean up after their father, which wasn't a fun task, but if the two of them did it then genya didn't mind. maybe the two of them would make ohagi after.
genya wailed this time, loud and full of so much pain. and as he cried, tanjiro began to hum.
it was offpitch and sounded a bit strained, but genya recognized the lullaby. it was about a bird that ate berries, giving him red eyes. tanjiro ran his hands through genya's hair with more determination as well. like he was proving he could calm him down.
and genya found it comforting to be cared about. the only person who had cared for him recently was gyomei, and even he didn't care for him much. he treated him like an adult, claiming that once he decided to become a demon slayer he wasn't a child any longer.
and at the time, that was fine with genya. he was a man. he was going to be strong and become a hashira.
but as he wailed in the lap of someone who had faced many of the similar pains he had, he couldn't help but listen to that small voice inside him that reminded him he was still a boy. he was a child. it was natural to want to be cared for by someone else, especially with the horrible childhood he had been given.
"t-tan...jiro.."
"shh," tanjiro stopped humming, but his voice remained calm and quiet, "it's okay to cry, genya. i'm here."
stupid tanjiro and his calm voice. stupid genya and his evil heart. stupid demons and their stupid hunger. stupid stupid stupid.
"i won't leave."
genya tried to hold back the newly formed sob in his throat, but it broke through and he turned to hug tanjiro. he wasn't sure what came over him, but tanjiro hardly knew genya and took so much care of him.
something welled up in him for the boy. he didn't know what, but he knew it cleared his mind of all the bad things he'd been thinking. his guilt won him over.
"i'm sorry! i-i'm so.. i'm...!"
tanjiro rubbed his back as he babbled out apologies, "it's okay, genya. don't be sorry, it's okay. you're human."
almost as if on cue, genya's eyes began to clear from their demon form, his fangs falling from his mouth and his yellow tips fading back to black.
"i've got you."
"why are you so kind...?" he mumbled into tanjiro's shoulder. he didn't understand it. genya had been nothing but cruel to him in person and in his own mind, and tanjiro just held him lovingly as he wept.
"because you deserve someone to be kind to you."
genya cried harder. he wondered if tanjiro could read minds, he wished he could. he wished he didn't have to explain everything to tanjiro, he wanted him to know. he wanted him to understand.
he knew tanjiro would understand.
but until then, he sobbed into the kind boy's arms, staining his shirt with blood, tears, and snot.
and tanjiro went back to humming his lullaby, rubbing genya's back and soothing his wailing.
once he had calmed down, he laid back down on tanjiro's lap, allowing him to run his fingers through his hair once more. genya fiddled with the fabric of tanjiro's pants.
"thank you for staying."
"i'll stay as long as you need, genya."