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Sooho falls for Sieun in the moments between seconds, the minutes between hours and the hours between the days. Slowly, unnoticeably at first. Bit by bit and then all at once.
If he tries to think back, he thinks it might have started the day the baseball club came to pick a fight. Just the first drops of water leaking from the dam he had built around himself. The trickling start of what was destined to be a tidal wave of his own emotions, destroying everything he thought he knew about himself. That first moment he had looked at Sieun, and Sieun had looked back. That one moment had been the start of it all. The beginning.
He still remembered the precise instant when they had locked eyes. The point in time when just for a split second- the unfathomable distance in that gaze had shortened to the space between the two of them. The isolated bubble of Sieun’s pristine world had expanded to include him, to allow him into Sieun’s little sanctuary. To Sooho, the moment was infinity and eternity, he couldn't tear his gaze from Sieun’s, so fixated by the solemn softness of Sieun’s eyes. How could he look like that, like he was just a moment from crying, and yet like he was still seeing the world beyond what anyone else could ever hope to. What was it that he was really looking at? How did Sieun, brillant and beautiful, see the world?
The rest of the class had cowered away, shrinking back and crowding against the doors and far windows to avoid Sooho and the baseball club, and yet within the flailing limbs and sprawled forms, there was one outlier. Sieun was a spot of unfazed calm, he just looked up at Sooho and had just bluntly reprimanded him for fighting in the class. Somewhere within those eyes, Sooho had not been seen as a threat, had not been deemed dangerous. It was addicting, being under that gaze, being examined by Sieun, being looked at like he was allowed to bring Sieun back to the present, back from the middle-distance-singularity onto which Sieun’s focus usually hovered. That feeling of cool silk pouring off his form, a tangible gaze that studied him and then concluded. What was it that Sieun had seen in that moment? Did he hate it? Did he like it?
It might have been that moment, where he had looked and been looked back at in turn. Or perhaps, it was even before. Back when they were just existing in the same room, their orbits spinning far apart, unknown to eachother’s proximity. Back when Sooho knew of Sieun by the way of class rankings and the semi-regular announcements of awards. When he was more acquainted by the soft-looking fluff of hair than with Sieun’s recondite eyes. If Sooho thinks back, then he thinks he can still find the fascination he had always had with the quietest member of the class. How could Sieun be so still, like a sturdy mountain? No matter what happened to the world around him, he was always steady and unfaltering. A small island of tranquility amidst a hurricane of their general life. Sooho wanted to know what made him so, but he also wanted to shake Sieun out of his haze, he wanted to see something, anything, wanted to bring a reaction out of him. He wanted to hold his hand and guide him out of that fog, into the real world where the grass was green and the sun shone brilliantly in the blue sky.
Or so he thought, until he saw how other people had noticed what he had, had seen the dispassionate separation with which Sieun saw the world, and had wanted to break it. It was cruel. It was despicable and it wasn't something he could or would ever allow.
Sooho wanted to expand that bubble, to pry open a corner and exist within its edges. He wanted to be within the borders and walls, yes, but he also wanted to protect it, wanted to hold that fragile, precious bubble within his rough palms and keep it safe. He wanted to build a path, to give Sieun a way in and out, the option to freely leave his sanctuary and yet return wherever he pleased. He wanted to stay by the entrance and protect it.
But these people? they just wanted to shatter the boundary and send the ocean rushing in. A tidal wave sweeping away all that had been meticulously built up. It filled him with a kind of anger he wasn't used to, a burning rage that wanted to lash out and hurt. It was strange, unfamiliar, and if he were to be honest, a little scary. Sooho had always prided himself in being careful with people, in not causing harm. He had never wanted to hurt anyone before, never wanted to misuse the skills and power he had cultivated. Martial arts were for discipline, for self-defense but never to cause harm. Adn yet, he had this urge, he wanted to hurt them. It wasnt something he was used to. not like this. Not like how he wanted to hurt Yeonbin and his goon squad.
Before Sieun, he had never wanted to let his heat-of-the-moment emotions take over. After Sieun, ( During Sieun?) , Sooho finds himself wanting it more and more often. Its not rage in the traditional sense, its not like Yeongbin who hurts people because he is angry and cruel and lashing out, its not like the countless prideful bullies that had learned the hard way to leave Sooho alone. It’s different, something more tempered and protective. It’s a blade being sharpened in the dark, a weapon hammered out of strength and reason until it could be the righteous executioner. Sooho only ever wants to hurt the people who try to hurt Sieun. He only ever wants to keep him safe.
Sooho falls for Sieun in the moments between seconds, the minutes between hours and the hours between the days. Before he knows it, he’s gone. Drowning in the fathomless ocean that is Sieun’s eyes. But Sieun doesnt let him drown. Instead, Sieun takes him by the hand and leads him to shore.