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Edgar rolled off of Curtis, both men still heavily panting, sweat and other fluids rapidly cooling.
"Bloody 'ell, Curtis. That was something." Edgar pushed out breathlessly. The older man hummed in agreement and shifted, making room for Edgar to curl up beside him for warmth. Neither of them was willing to dress themselves so soon after the afterglow. Edgar wriggled to get comfy and ended up with one leg thrown over Curtis'
and his head tucked under the brunet's chin, heartbeat almost lulling him to sleep. Curtis ran his hand through Edgar's hair and felt the quirk of his mouth against his chest. At least for now, nothing mattered except for the two of them. Might as well enjoy it whilst it lasted, he thought. He was contemplating closing his eyes and just sleeping eternity away with Edgar, but he felt Edgar inhale and open his mouth, shattering the thought.
"When was the last time you didn't feel afraid?" Edgar asked in one breath, as if he was afraid of it. Curtis thought for a while before dropping his voice to a light whisper in the slim hope their conversation could be at least somewhat private.
"Before all this - before the train - I remember I went to the beach. It must've been summer, the sun was out an' everyone was in shorts and shirts. All my friends were out in the sea but I didn't want to join them, I'd just got a new book and I wanted to finish it and they'd given up on getting me into the water. I remember thinkin' that everything was perfect. It was warm, you could feel the warmth from the sand and we ate not an hour ago, I thought I would never want to eat again I was so full. School wasn't really bothering me and I thought nothing could go wrong. Everythin' was perfect."
"And then?" Edgar probed.
"They put CW7 up in the fuckin' sky. Everyone was scared after that. We all thought it would work but then, well, you know how that ended." Curtis answered, with a faintly wry smile plastered on his face.
"You've been scared ever since? But you're... you!” He paused. “Everyone looks up to the strong Curtis Everett." He protested; Curtis scoffed.
"Just because people look up to me doesn't mean I'm some sorta invincible superhero. 'Course I'm afraid of things."
Edgar sounded a bit more awake when he asked his next question. "So what makes the great leader of us tail enders a big scaredycat?"
Curtis placed one dirty hand at the nape of Edgar's neck and the other at the younger boy's jawline. "Sometimes I'm afraid of what I'd do for you. I have a real problem for you." Edgar raised his neck and looked directly at Curtis, lips barely parted in a small gasp.
"F-for me?" He asked in disbelief. Curtis brushed his thumb across Edgar's lips.
"For you. There's so many goddamn things I'd do just for you." Curtis promised quietly, from the bottom of his beating heart.
Edgar's eyes widened, shocked at this revelation. He swallowed loudly. "And these things? What would you do for me, Curt?"
Curtis did the best impression of a smile he knew. "Well. If this was the old world, who knows what I'd do for you. I'd take you out on dates. We'd go on road trips an' listen to whatever popstars were in the Top 40 that month. We'd dance in nightclubs and fuck in the bathroom." Curtis reached further up Edgar's neck to stroke at the short hairs and brushed his lips lightly on Edgar’s.
"But this isn't the old world. I can't promise you much, hell, it's a stretch to promise you more than a few protein bars. But I can promise you one thing. I would kill for you."
Edgar moved upwards and kissed him softly. "So I'll promise you one thing as well. I would die for you." Curtis gripped tighter at his neck.
"Don't say that kinda bullshit."
"It's true though. You'll kill for me; I'll die for you.” An awkward pause filled the air between them. “Now shut up and be the big spoon." Edgar shoved and prodded at Curtis until they could both lay comfortably.
"Fine. But don't you dare die." Curtis pushed, before lowering his voice further. “I can’t cope without you.”
"Sir, yes, sir. I'll try not to do the inevitable thing an' not kick the bucket." Curtis could hear the sarcasm and eye roll in that comment and curled his arms around the younger boy until both their breaths steadied and slowed, sleep finally overtaking them, the previous promises nothing but sleepy mutterings.
“Love you,” Curtis breathed, just before unconsciousness consumed him. Edgar’s reply came back slowly, as if staggered in a dream which was pierced suddenly by reality.
“Love you too, Curt. Love you always.”
-
Edgar knew he promised he would die for Curtis. He knew this was for the good of the people, the sharp pain of the knife in his back and the burly man stopping him from rejoining Curtis and his revolution.
He just didn't expect it to happen so soon.