Chapter Text
“Ow,” she complains, swatting his hand and moving her head away, and he tries not to laugh, his lips pursed tightly and his breathing heavy through his nostrils. Her futile evasion, although somewhat tiresome now as she dodges the torch light for the seventh time again, is adorable, and he can’t help but hum (with his one hand on the backrest of the chair she’s sitting on, her hair brushing against the flesh of his wrist peeking from his sleeve, raising goosebumps and leaving him with the desire to shiver; with his back bent as he reattempts checking her teeth while trying not to look too enticed from the sweet undertones of the perfume she’s using today).
“Okay, this isn’t working.”
“You think?”
There’s a dental explorer in his bathroom he thinks could help, but it really doesn’t when he tries hooking it in, and for a moment, he muses at the progression of his day while trying to match her reflexes.
His mom reminding him to take his laundry before she and dad left for an outing; Piper driving them to school; maths exam that he totally forgot they were having; Charlotte offering to tutor him for the history quiz that he also totally forgot they were going to have tomorrow. Ordinary Thursday stuff.
Then Jasper now has a sweet stache , Piper now has a sweet “missing” bird, and Charlotte now has a sweet retainer that's stuck. Not-so ordinary Thursday stuff.
Strange how a relatively normal day could go so wrong in a matter of five minutes.
But though it was a strange morning, it’s also an amusing one, all things considered. Again, he has to clamp his mouth shut, his teeth biting painfully on his bottom lip, in an attempt to restrain himself from laughing at the idea that she actually used his excuse and it backfired on her. It’s almost endearing to him as he continues, inching just a bit closer when Charlotte tilts her head to the side again, wincing.
“Come on, do you want it out or not?”
“I do! I do, just– Ow!”
“Guys, stop kissing! We have an emergency downstairs,” Jasper exclaims as he bursts inside his room. His door shuts close with a loud click!
There’s a brush of … err– something , just a little bit, of something flighty and ticklish at the exclamation, and he has to keep a straight face as he explains how he’s trying to remove the stupid retainer from Charlotte’s mouth as she denies what Jasper thought he’d seen.
Again, he remembers the morning and how amusing the progression of his day had been as he places the dental explorer on his–
“My retainers!”
Well – until it wasn’t amusing, and Henry stares somewhat bug-eyed at what Jasper had just told them. There’s a sudden need for him to ask for a clarification, because, surely, he heard that wrong, right? The retainer currently in Charlotte’s mouth couldn’t have been Jasper’s, right?
And, anyway, didn’t Jasper say that he’d been using a paperclip as a substitute for his lost retainers? Who’s to say that the unknown retainer Piper found in their yard is even Jasper’s? He’d probably left it at his home, buried underneath all his mother’s hoarding tendencies.
This retainer could be anyone’s, and not just Jasper’s. Right?
…
Somehow, that thought doesn’t make him any less pissed.
It all started because Charlotte had to open her stupid mouth and tell the parrot that he’s Kid Danger, so technically it's all Charlotte’s fault.
Of course, in the back of his mind, he knows she only meant to warn them because Jasper and he were talking about his identity, if it were in a vague way, so it still all circles back to him – not that he would ever admit that it’s his fault. Because, it isn’t.
Totally Charlotte’s fault that the damn bird is now crying out his secret; it’s totally Charlotte’s fault that they had to “hide” said bird; it’s totally Charlotte’s fault his house trashed; and it’s totally Charlotte’s fault that Jasper’s retainer is stuck to the roof of her mouth.
Could things have turned out different if they’ve just all mulled over it a bit and changed some of their prior decisions? Sure! But, things aren’t different and he’s now facing the reality that they’re hiding a goddamn bird, half of his living room looks like a tragedy, and Jasper’s retainers are in Charlotte’s mouth.
It’s all Charlotte’s fault, and it’s all he can do to stop fidgeting in his place by the wall, hands crossed around his chest and tongue caught in between his teeth. To the left, he sees her face contort into disgust, her body seemingly unable to take that piece of information as she shudders.
“Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!”
There’s a lisp – a muffledness to her words (maybe not as prevalent in her previous outburst of disgust as when she went on an annoyed tirade when she had entered his room) that makes something in his inside twist when he realises that it’s from that damn retainer. Goddamn retainer.
All prior amusement from the fact that she used the excuse he gave her is now gone, turned to mush and punched into oblivion.
God, why couldn’t he have come up with a different excuse?
Like, “my dead phone fell from the second floor window and into the conveniently Piper-sized hole by the side of their house” or “I need a lift to the mall because I saw whatever-her-name-was Tetrazzini post that you couldn't drive despite having an established driver’s licence.” Or, even, “a person with a heavy accent and an unregistered phone number told me your parents got into a car accident, and now we have to go to the hospital because I, Charlotte Paige, believes in random callers.”
It’s the beep of his watch that breaks him out of his thoughts, which phew, could serve as a distraction from his confusing inner denial. But, also damn, because he should have known Ray wouldn’t be that much of a help as soon as he saw that excited look on Ray’s holographic self.
There’s not a lot he could do but let the excitement of the supposed two adults of the team pass and chew on his bottom lip during their whole worship session – which is a moustache worthy of all the praises, no lie in that. However, he’d still want their current emergency to be prioritised over Jasper’s ‘stache. It’s not like it’s going to disappear overnight, damn it.
And, no, they can’t just kill the bird, when the situation is finally addressed. Because, one, Charlotte would get mad, and two, he just cleaned his room.
But, also, Charlotte would get mad, and a mad Charlotte is something he doesn’t want to face. (Because, usually that means she’s either annoyed to the point of rage or disappointed to the point of anger, and he knows for a fact that if he killed Otto, it wouldn’t be the former he’d have to brave.)
He glances at her for a moment, before cursing his breath. A Dunlop-retainer-stuck Charlotte isn’t something he wants to face either.
Still, Schwoz could clone the bird, this whole kidnapping stunt (which sucks as a plan, now that he has the time to think it over) out of their hair, and they could finally focus on taking that retainer out of Char’s damn mouth.
Ugh.
Suddenly, he wishes he could still be back at Miss Shapen’s maths exam, failing spectacularly – but he isn’t, now being dragged out of his room by Jasper and Piper because the cops have just arrived. Fuck.
Stupid cops for actually believing the call. Stupid Jasper for planning this whole shtick. Stupid Otto and his inability to keep his dang beak shut. Stupid Piper and her stupid school responsibilities.
He pauses for a moment, gripping the door frame with a hand, before throwing her a glare,
“Get the feather.”
(Stupid Charlotte and those stupid goddamn retainers; stupid Henry and his stupid goddamn excuses.)