Archive of Our Own

"Hi Minho"

A simple greeting, which years back would have earned him a slap around the head and a long lecture on "kids these days" and "no respect". Now, however, all Hyunjin got for a response was a rustle of the leaves around him. Leaves from the trees he had handpicked and planted himself over the years.

"I brought another one," the boy talked to the garden, "I know, I know. I promised you just one but you’re too much to fit into one tree, aren't you?" 

“Fucking overachiver as always,” the man scoffed. 

Looking up into the mess of leaves and berries above him, Hyunjin continued to talk to essentially nothing. 

“Every year coming here gets easier,” after a pause, he added with a laugh, “and prettier. Like damn hyung. This actually looks like a garden this year, not a mess of random trees.”

A few birds startled out of the leaves at the sound, making their own angry chirps at being disturbed. The wind was blowing softly, carrying the creaking of trees and soft sounds of the creek to the garden. 

“I guess I should get to planting,” Hyunjin says, getting up with a sigh from where he’s sitting under the oldest tree in the garden,  “It's supposed to rain soon and I really can’t get sick right now.” 

“This year's tree is a little special,” he says walking to get the small potted plant from where he left it next to the gate.  “I moved back to the city so I can actually take care of it ‘cause this one is a needy bitch - a passion tree.”

-----

“Hyung, what’s the best ice cream flavor?” 

A twelve year old Hyunjin asked the boy lying next to him. 

“Hyunjin it's 3am why are you asking me this right now?” Minho answered, voice filled with sleep.

“Because it's very important and I need to know right now,” the younger said, looking away from the glow in the dark stars they had glued to the ceiling to observe the other. Minho had decided to grow out his hair that summer so it reached his shoulders, soft curls bouncing as he turned to face the younger boy. A small cat shaped night light (gift from Hyunjin) illuminated him from behind, making the older look like an angel, which in Hyunjin’s eyes, was very fitting. 

“Well if you must know,” Minho replied, “it's hands down passion fruit.”

“But why?”  the younger continued to pester. 

“You are just full of questions tonight,” Minho chuckled, pinching the boy's nose. That earned him a slap on the arm which in turn led to a small wrestling match that ended with Hyunjin laying half on top of Minho and Minho’s legs thrown over the youngers. 

“But really hyung, why passion?” Hyunjin asked again in almost a whisper. It was evident that the long day was catching up with the boy, his soft brown eyes falling shut no matter how hard he tried to keep them open. 

“Because,” the older started just as quiet, “it’s sweet but not in the way where it overpowers the actual taste and all you can taste is sugar.”

“Mmm okay,”  Hyunjin mumbled out, dragging his legs out from under Minho to endagle them with the olders. 

Although Minho was pretty sure the younger wouldn’t remember his reasoning for the answer in the morning, he was happy to indulge the boy - even if it was 3am. 

----

Hyunjin smiled and shook his head at the memory. 

“I really don’t remember why passion ice cream,” the man said, proving past Minho right, “but a passion tree feels right for you.” 

Reaching out to grab the plant, Hyunjin continued to talk, ”I'm gonna need a little help with this one ‘cause god knows I don’t have it in me to keep it alive.”

“I guess it’s good that I-,” Hyunjin started, looking around the garden. Seven, soon to be eight, young trees proudly standing, their leaves and branches intertwining in the small space they have. All of the trees looked vastly different from each other, like they weren’t supposed to work together. But they did. 

They did work together, forming a myriad of colors and shapes that against all odds fit together like a puzzle, with its last piece missing. The last piece that was currently in the hand of the young man standing up with a small shovel in his other hand.

“- that I met the others.” he finished, running a finger over the seven small doodles exploding in color on his forearm. 

----

“Hyung, I think i'm scared.”

Hyunjin, now at 13, said from where he’s sitting criss crossed on Minho’s bed. The older was sitting right in front of him, reaching out to hold his hands. 

“You have nothing to be scared of, my little pabo,” Minho comforted the younger in a soft voice. 

The boys were having a sleepover for Hyunjin’s birthday, because Minho insisted on being the first person to see Hyunjin when he turned 14. When he got his marks. 

Minho himself had gotten his marks at the very end of his 14th birthday and while they now stood proudly on his right forearm, back then he had spent the entire day panicking that he wouldn't get them at all. While people without marks from their soulmates weren’t uncommon, who didn’t like to have a constant reminder that there’s someone out there destined for them? 

Imagine Minho’s surprise, when at the very end of the day by the point where he had basically given up on the chance of getting his mark, his arm tingled and seven, not one or two but seven, little doodles showed up. Six of them black-and-white and a colorful snowflake nested between them. Needless to say, he was over the moon. 

“But hyung,” Hyunjin said, bringing Minho out of his thoughts, “What if I don't get them? What if mine are different from you? Or I only have one of them? Or you’re not one of them? If-”

The younger was cut off by Minho's soft hand cupping his face, thumb running over his cheek.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head with all those what if’s, Hyune.”

“I can’t not worry, Hyung,” Hyunjin said with a wavering voice, dangerously  close to tears, “what if you’re not my soulmate? Not mine to love. I don't know what I’d do with myself then.”

“Hyune, baby, my little pabo,” Minho wiped the stray tear running down Hyunjin’s face, “I will always be yours to love, just like you will always be mine. Silly doodles or not.”

-----

“I guess the question wasn’t ‘ if’ but rather ‘ for how long ’. Always have to keep me on my toes, don't you hyung?” 

While lost in his memories, Hyunjin had made his way to the side of the garden where a small arch stood.

“Seungmin said that it needs lots of support and room for the vine to latch onto,” he said, kneeling down in front of one side of the arch,

“He’s the green thumb of the bunch, and to no surprise, the little cactus on our arm.”

The next few moments were silent, aside from the small sound of nature around Hyunjin. He dug a little hole next to the post and despite the fact that the shovel was handy, Hyunjin was known to get messy. Be it painting, planting or just day to day life - there was always a little trail of mess following him. Minho once said that Hyunjin could make a mess in a white room with no things in it and he probably wasn’t wrong. 

“I think each one of the trees represents one of us,” he broke the silence. By that time the shovel was long forgotten and Hyunjin was making sure the hole was deep enough by getting his hands dirty.

“Seungmin’s is definitely the spruce,” he added after a pause.

“His tree was the hardest to pick out,” he chuckled at the thought, “I spent hours in the store just walking around. The workers there were ready to throw me out.”

“But he was the toughest of them to get through to, so it makes sense.”

---

“Hey Seungmin?” Hyunjin said, plopping on the couch next to the younger. The TV was playing a documentary about Mayans - most likely Jisung’s doing. The boy in question was sleeping in the armchair in a position that in no way could be comfortable.

“Hmm,” Seungmin replied, sounding as uninterested as one could be. 

“Do you wanna go painting with me? My friend said there’s a spot open tonight,” Hyunjin all but rapped out before the nerves could get the best of him. He had long gotten past his nerves around his soulmates, but Seungmin seemed to be an exception to that. 

“Painting? Why me?” the younger asked, surprised. 

“I don’t like painting alone and the others are all busy or you know,” he said, gesturing to Jisung for the last part. Damn it, Hyunjin though. He succeeded in asking Seungmin out but just had to make it look like he was the last choice which wasn’t the case at all. Since the morning, when Hyunjin’s friend asked him if he wanted the spot, he had been hyping himself up to ask Seungmin. Just to blow his chance at the last second. 

“Sure.”

wait what? 

The younger had agreed despite Hyunjins shitty way of asking. 

“Really?” he jumped up from the couch, eyes gleaming with excitement. 

“Really,” Seungmin confirmed with a small smirk on his face.

And so a few minutes later the two were on their way, decked out in all black with matching scarfs (Hyunjins doing) wrapped around their necks. 

The night was warm and quiet, which made the walk go by quickly even though they walked in silence, with the exception of the paints in Hyunjins backpack clicking together every few steps.

Once they arrived at a strange alley (that Seungmin would’ve walked right past if it wasn’t for Hyunjin grabbing his arm) the older took cans of spray paint out of his bag. At that, Seungmin's face went wide. Usually, when people say painting, they mean a paper and some paints from the tubs. Not, you know, vandalizing someone's property with cans of aerosol. 

“I thought you meant actually painting not this,” the younger voiced his thoughts, with a nervous huff to his voice. 

“Live a little, Seungminnie,” Hyunjin winked, pulling his scarf over his mouth and nose. 

“How is yours still better than mine. It’s your first time!?” Hyunjin pouted from where they’re sitting against the opposite wall looking at their creations.

Sanitary? No. 

Comfortable? Also not really.

But it gave them a good view of Hyunjins butterfly exploding in different greens and pinks. Right next to it stood a slightly smaller blue (why was it blue?) puppy. 

After Seungmin had gotten over his initial shock (and maybe spent a few minutes ogling Hyunjin- shut up, it was for learning purposes.) he was surprisingly comfortable with the paints, for someone trying them for the first time. 

“Determination,” the younger replied almost immediately, “can’t lose to you can I?”

“Why don’t you like me?” Hyunjin blurted that out faster than he could think, scaring them both into silence. 

You and your big mouth have done it again, he thinks. Everything was starting to go smoothly between them. Hell,  Seungmin decided to sit shoulder to shoulder with him for the first time. But nooo. He just had to go and ruin it. 

“I don’t not like you,” Seungmin said quietly, startling Hyunjin from his thoughts. 

“It’s just,” he paused, looking for words, “sometimes it’s hard separating you from him. I mean - we always thought that you two would be a package deal for some reason. So it's hard for me to look at you without seeing him, if that makes sense.”

As he spoke, Seungmin’s voice got quieter and quieter, ending in almost a whisper. If Hyunjin had been sitting any further he would’ve not heard it by the end. Seungmin folded himself together as if scared of the response his question would get. Hyunjin, however, looked at the boy with a mix of sadness and adoration. 

“Can I hug you?”

A nod. 

Hyunjin wrapped the other in his long arms, letting his own tears fall after he felt the wetness of the younger's face. 

“It’s okay, baby.” he whispered, “If I'm honest, for a long while after he,” a pause, “after. I couldn’t separate myself from being me without him and being just me either.”

They sat there for a while, crying in each other's arms. 

The painting of a puppy looking at a butterfly looking over them. 

Seungmin looking at the soulmate he could never have.

----

“Honesty and determination. Once he puts his mind to it there's nothing he can’t do,”  Hyunjin said, potting the newest plant into the small hole. 

“You would have loved him,” he thinks out loud. 

“But then again, you would’ve loved all of them.”

After covering the plant back up with soil the man continued.

“Felix was the first one I met. He’s definitely the Neem.”

---

Hyunin was so late. So very fucking late. And it was his first day on the new job. Or well, was supposed to be the first day. After being 30 minutes late to his first shift, Hyunjin could almost guarantee that he no longer had a job. 

Once he had arrived at the small cafe, Hyunjin took a moment to catch his breath. What’s a few minutes gonna change now anyways. 

Opening the door, he was met with a room filled with fairy lights, miss-matched furniture and an amazing smell of coffee and a variety of baked goods. That was probably the coziest cafe he had ever stepped into. Even if he'd lose this job he would come back, Hyunjin decided. 

Slowly making his way to the counter, Hyunjin took in the few people sitting around, most of them working on what looks like coursework. 

“Uhm. Hello,” he started softly, too embarrassed to look up from his feet. He had even worn his good shoes today! “I’m Hyunjin. I was supposed to start today. And like 30 minutes ago. I’m so so sorry for being late. Fuck. My cat decided that today was the day she finally tries to leave me and I had to chase her around my apartment complex and I swear I intended to be here ten minutes early but she got into the air vent and I had to go to my neighbors apartment to get her back but she was out on a run and- ”

A soft laugh stopped Hyunjins ramble and made him look up. 

Fuck now he had made a fool of himself as well as being late. Is this guy even the manager? He looks way too young to be one. The guy over the counter looked to be in his early twenties. Blond hair framing his face and the slight eyeshadow bringing out his freckles. And gods his sweater looked to be as soft as a cloud. 

“Take a deep breath with me and let's go from there.”

Oh god, oh god. Hyunjin was fucked. That voice. Deep deep voice did not fit the angelic face at all. 

After a deep breath (or a dozen of those) Hyunjin chirped out another greeting. 

“Hello. I’m Hyunjin. But I think you already know that.”

“Hi, Hyunjin. I’m Felix, the owner of this place.”

And while Hyunjin would’ve been shocked to find out that the pretty man was the owner of a cafe at that young, he had more pressing matters to worry about. 

His forearm was tingling. The same way it tingled when he got the marks years ago. The same way it tingled when Minho's doodle filled in with color. 

He had met one of his soulmates. 

And without a single thought he booked it out of there just as fast as he had barged in.

---

“Not my proudest moment,” Hyunjin laughed up at the Neem on the other side of the garden. 

“He’s the strawberry cake if you couldn’t tell already. The most adorable man I’ve met.” after a moment of thought he added, “or maybe second most. Innie does exist.”

Hyunjin’s knees cracked as he got up from the ground, taking the shovel with him. As he walked to the gate to put the shovel away and get the clips he and Seungmin had picked out, he kept on talking. 

“I want to tell you about Chan hyung first though,” clips in hand, he walked back to the arch. 

“He’s the oldest,” Hyunjin begun, “would have been your hyung as well. You always did want one.”

“I think it’s fitting that his tree is the oldest one,” he continued, “the Rowan tree - courage, wisdom and protection. I think the last one fits him the most. That man would lay down his life for every single one of us without a doubt.”

“But courage and wisdom aren’t wrong either. He’s so smart and makes me a braver version of myself,” after a pause Hyunjin added (dramatic as they get), “if it wasn’t for him I think I would’ve avoided them for all of eternity.” 

--- 

It was exactly five days and six hours since what Hunyjin had dubbed the second end of his life. They day where after seven years he saw a soulmate again… only to make an utter fool out of himself by running away. 

Since that day all Hyunjin had done was go to classes and mop on his couch, wrapped in blankets, ice cream tub in hand. Pathetic right? 

A knock on the door forced the man to get out of his comfy little nest, making sure to set his cat down into it before she could get mad at being moved. Now, Hyunjin was pretty sure that he wasn’t expecting anyone. After all, he had a date with his old friend - self pity.

Walking to the door to greet the mystery quest, he picked up a few stray ice cream tubs to toss out on the way. Behind the door he was met with a mop of blue hair and a smiling, if not slightly nervous, face of a small man. 

“Hi!” the mystery man started, “I know you don’t know me and this is kind of creepy but I asked around and got your address. Again I promise I’m not a creep, I just really needed to talk to you and I couldn’t find you on campus.”

“I’m Chan.”

Oh umm. Well it was obvious from his ramble that the man, Chan, wanted to talk. But for what reason, Hyunjin could not figure it out. 

Nevertheless, he uttered out a small confused greeting, “I’m Hyunjin?”

And then he felt it. The familiar tingle. 

As if reading his mind, the man scrambled out “Please don’t close the door,” stopping Hyunjin’s hand mid air. The thing about Hyunjin was that when choosing between fight or flight he always chose flight. Always. And as much as he wanted to go down his long familiar route, something inside told him to leave his comfort zone and fight this time. 

Or well, not literally fight. Hyunjin would not last a second in a real fight. But to fight himself. To be courageous for once and take the leap. 

“Umm. Okay uhh,” Hyunjin said, suddenly feeling faint, “I need to sit down. You can come in though.”

At that moment Hyunjin knew that fighting was worth it. Even if all he got out of it was the man's, Chan’s, Hyunjin reminded himself, toothy smile.

Fuck if all of his soulmates were this pretty, Hyunjin was going to be in deep shit. 

“Sorry about the mess. I haven’t really stayed on top of things lately,” Hyunjin apologized, feeling embarrassed for the state of his apartment. Random paints were scattered around, takeaway boxes and instant ramen cups piling up on the table. 

“It’s okay,” Chan started, taking in the small apartment, “I didn’t exactly announce I was coming, did I?”

At that, both men let out a little laugh, while sitting down onto the couch. Hyunjin back into his nest, lifting the small feline back onto his lap, and Chan on the other end that was mostly free of blankets. 

“I brought coffee.” 

And sure enough the older was holding two takeaway cups. One of them looks to be your regular iced americano, the other one a sweet concoction of syrups and cream. 

“I didn’t know what to get you,” Chan said, handing one of the cups to the younger, “But Lixie said you felt like a chocolate kind of person so I got you a dark chocolate frappe.”

So they did know each other, Hyunjin thought, accepting the cup handed to him. The drink tasted really good and how Felix had known what Hyunjin would like from that one extremely embarrassing and short meeting, he would never know.

The next moments went by in silence, Dori’s purrs filling the room. Chan seemed to be waiting for Hyunjin to say something. 

And Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin was utterly lost. After seven years of being alone, he had met two of his soulmates in the span of a week. On the one hand he was over the moon - he had found them (or in Chan’s case, they had found him). On the other hand he was supposed to find them with Minho, not alone. Never alone. He felt wrong, sitting on the couch by himself, talking to their soulmate.

“So-” Chan startled Hyunjin out of his head with a small squeak (he really needed to stop hanging out in there so much). 

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“So,” Chan started again, this time softer, “Felix was really worried after you ran. He said you looked really scared. So I guess I’ll start with- are you okay?” 

That. Was not what Hyunjin was expecting at all. Questions, confusion, accusations? Yes, definitely. Genuine pure worry, from a man he had never met before? No.

“I’m-, I’ve been better,” he replied honestly, gesturing at the mess around him. Hyunjin was starting to think that Chan had magic powers. First he made Hyunjin cave with just a plea and now an actual answer out of him, instead of the rehearsed “I’m fine. You?” he gave everyone else. Magic.

“It’s a lot, I know,” Chan comforted the younger, giving him a moment to get his thoughts in order. 

After another bout of silence Hyunjin finally gathered himself enough to ask, “How many do you have?”

Chan, seemingly picking up on what Hyunjin meant by his cryptic question, lifted up his sleeve, exposing his forearm.

“Five, now six with you, and another one somewhere,” Chan answered.

 On Chan’s arm stood seven little doodles, blooming in color, amidst them - a small butterfly, forever to stay in black-and-white. 

A pang of hurt washed over Hyunjin.

For himself for having to do this alone.

For the others forced to see the black-and-white til the end.

For Minho who never got to have this.

“Do you want to meet the others?” Chan asked, oblivious to the hurricane raking through the youngers body.

--- 

“Hmmhm,” Hyunjin chuckled at the memory, “he’s the little worm thingy with a crown by the way.”

Kneeling back down, Hyunjin placed the clips next to himself and with gentle hands and dug the pole supporting the vine out to clip it to the arch. 

“Funnily enough, I met the next one without Chan’s help,” Hyunjin talked, delicately clipping the bottom of the vine. 

“His name is Jisung, the little smiling sun,” he ends with a smile.

---

Hyunjin was having a shit day. First, he slept through his alarms, missing his first class and, consequently, the test he had spent all night studying for. Then, he ran out of Dori’s food, which made him have to run to the store to get more ‘cause he can't let his baby go hungry. Then he was late to his second class, getting scolded by the professor. And to top it all off, he forgot his earbuds at home forcing him into a silent walk home, alone with his thoughts. 

So a shit day and it was only noon. 

Hyunjin thought about going to Felix’s cafe to cheer himself up but after meeting Chan two days ago, he was back to ignoring his problems. Although, this time he did inform Chan that he would need a little time before meeting the others, so not completely ghosting them. Progress!

The universe, however, seemed to have other plans, because as he was nearing the corner of his building, a body barreled right into him knocking them both to the ground. 

“Oh holy shit. I am so sorry, ” the squirrel-like man apologized from where he was still laying on top of Hyunjin, “I wasn’t looking and I think I just missed my bus but that's not important at all. Are you hurt? I’m Jisung by the way. Did I hurt you?”

As if only then realizing that he was still very much caging Hyunjin to the ground, Jisung scrambled to get up, offering a hand to Hyunjin after he had succeeded. Hyunjin took the hand and let the other pull him up, doing a quick mental check up on his body to make sure everyone was in order. 

“I’m okay, yeah. A little shocked but okay,” he replied. 

“Oh thank Chan” Jisung exclaims, “Can I make it up to you somehow? A coffee date or something”

Had the man just used Chan’s name in place of god? Hyunjin wondered if it was the same Chan. And in case it was, the universe had a strange way of spicing up his life. 3 in under two weeks??

“No, it's all good. I’m okay, things happen,” Hyunjin reaffirmed. 

“I’m Hyunjin,” he tested quietly, and sure enough, the tingling on his arm was back.

Fuck the universe.

---

“His tree is the Magnolia, I think,” Hyunjin says, adding another clip to the vine. 

“He feels so deeply and everything he feels is so pure,” Hyunjin continued to describe his soulmate closest to age, “he’s also stupidly lucky.”

“Like this one time,” Hyunjin started a story, hands still working on the clips, “We were all at the park just having fun, goofing around, and as we got packing to go home he announced that he’s taking the bus. Now bare in mind, he hates crowded spaces and public transport, but that day he declared that there was no way he was walking back with us. And then his stupid luck strikes because we all got soaking wet walking in the rain while he was chilling at home.”

“He did make warm tea for us and set out towels. Sweet little thing,” Hyunjin concluded. 

Hyunjin got up again, having placed the last clip, and made his way to the small creek to get water for the newest addition to the garden. 

“Changbin would have been closest to age with you,” the man continued to introduce the others, “he’s younger though, so that makes you second oldest.”

Getting a bucket from where he had hid it under the bush years ago, Hyunjin lets it fill out with water, never stopping the talking.

“The first time I saw him, I ran into a tree,” Hyunjin said with a laugh, “that seems to be a theme with these - me embarrassing myself.” 

After a small pause, Hyunjin added quietly, “he was the first one who found out about you.”

---

“Jinnie, why do you always wear long sleeves? Don’t you get hot?”

Changbin had asked him that on a warm summer day, about a month after their first meeting. 

“No,” Hyunjin had lied. He did get hot. He was so warm, about to melt into a puddle. But being a liquid pile of Hyunjin was better than coming clean about the iridescent butterfly haunting him. 

Hyunjin had tried, countless of times, to tell the others about Minho. And yet, every attempt he made was met with failure. It was hard. Hard to bare a part of his soul he had tried so hard to keep safe, to people. Even when those people each held another part of him. Them.

Changbin and Hyunjin were laying together in the olders bed, a movie playing on the small laptop. Hyunjin’s head was resting on Changbin’s chest, arm wrapped around his middle, while Changbin was running the had not stuck under Hyunjin through the youngers now pink hair.

“Hyung, I have to tell you something,” Hyunjin blurted out all of the sudden, breaking the calm atmosphere of the room. Hyunjin had decided that enough was enough. He had to tell someone before the guilt drove him mad.

Changbin. His soft, loving Changbin hyung was the obvious choice. If nothing else, he would get some good quality cuddles, before being shunned away for good. 

Hyunjin knew that the possibility of the latter happening was terribly small, but irrational thoughts are called irrational for a reason. 

“Yes?” Changbin replied, pausing the movie and setting the laptop aside in order to give his full attention to the man in his arms. 

“Can you pull my sleeve up?” Hyunjin asked, not moving an inch and pinching his eyes shut so he wouldn’t see Changbin’s reaction. 

Changbin, admittedly confused, complied, gently tugging at the sleeve of the arm splayed over his stomach. When the sleeve had reached his elbow, Hyunjin oh so slowly turned his arm around, exposing his inner forearm, where seven doodles bloomed. 

Changbins eyes immediately zeroed in on the butterfly. The small little insect he was used to seeing in black-and-white was standing on Hyunjin’s arm switching between the prettiest shades of pink and green. Instinctively, he reached to trace it. At that, Hyunjin’s body let out an involuntary shiver, bringing Changbin’s attention back to Hyunjin’s face. His hand remained on the butterfly. 

“I-, you-,” the older tried to put his thoughts into words without success. 

“He’s your hyung,” Hyunjin voiced the first thing to cross his mind. 

“Was your hyung,” he corrected. 

“Would have been your hyung,” added in the smallest voice, laced with hurt. 

“Oh Jinnie baby,” Changbin whispered, tugging Hyunjin to lay fully on top of him, keeping his fingers on the butterfly. He might not know the full story but he did know that the newest addition to his family was hurting, and as the hyung it was his job to make it better. 

“Can I do something to make it better?” he asks. He was met with a small head shake and a mumble of  “just hold me.” So he continued to hold the younger, squeezing him closer and quietly humming a soft melody. Ready to talk whenever but in no way forcing words out of the other. 

After a while Hyunjin let out a small sniffle. 

“Fuck,” he uttered, “I promissed I wouldn’t cry anymore.”

“It’s okay to cry baby,” the older replied softly. 

“He always hated it when I cried,” Hyunjin said with a shake of his head, “said I was too pretty. He’s sweet like that.” 

“So I promised myself that I wouldn’t cry. Not because of him,” he continued, “not because he’s not worth my tears or anything. I just don’t wanna hurt him anymore.”

“Baby love, can you look at me?” Changbin asked, gently cupping the youngers face when he lifts it from where it was buried into his shoulder. 

“Crying is okay. Being sad is okay,” Changbin stressed, and after a moment of thought adds, “If he cared, cares, about you even a fraction of how much we do, it would hurt him more to see you hurting without letting yourself feel it.”

Silence.

“ I miss him, ” Hyunjin sobbed out, collapsing back onto Changbin, body shaking violently with gutwrenching cries, “oh Chan, I miss him so much. His smile. His voice. The hugs. I should’ve let him hug me more.”

And while Hyunjin was letting out years of hurt he had held in with broken sobs and almost incomprehensible words, Changbin could do nothing more than press the man closer to him. 

Holding him close and feeling his heart break for all of them. All eight. 

---

Hyunjin took the now full bucket out of the creek and set it to the ground to wipe away the few stray tears that decided to run down his face at the memorie. 

“His tree is the oak,” Hyunjin talked, glancing over at the tree closest to him,  “and he’s the ice cream sundae.”

“It's a little funny,” he continued while picking up the bucket and making his way to the arch, “how his tree is so strong and longstanding but the mark is something so short lived. But I think it’s the comfort and healing that they both hold that connects them to Changbin.”

Hyunjin had reached the newest plant, gently petting the leaves before emptying the bucket.

Now was watering today really necessary? No. The clouds were already gathering and Hyunjin knew that he didn’t have long before the rain started. However, over the years he had developed a routine at the garden and breaking it just didn’t feel right. 

“Ahh,” Hyunjin sighed, getting back up to place the bucket to its rightful spot under a bush, “and then there is Jeongin.”

“Baby Innie. Cute as a button,” he lets out a laugh, “He’s the maknae if you couldn’t tell.”

“The sweetest person you’ll ever meet, even though he has a funny way of showing it,” Hyunjin said thinking back to the times where the youngest had shied away from his hugs or how he always needed a moment alone to gather himself after he said something nice to others.  

“He likes to listen to stories of you,” Hyunjin finished, taking a seat next to the holly, not big enough to sit under yet. 

---

“Tell me about him, hyung.”

Hyunjin had had enough of school and his stuffy apartment, so he dragged his youngest soulmate to the park to pick flowers. Currently they were sitting in the shade of a big tree, a pile of miscellaneous flowers between them. Hyunjin had taught the younger how to make flower crowns and Jeongin was on a mission to make Hyunjin the prettiest one known to man. 

 “Hmm?” Hyunjin asked, not quite catching what the younger had said. 

“Minho,” Jeongin clarified, looking down at Hyunjins arm where the butterfly stood, “tell me about Minho please.”

Hyunjin had expected the others to ask about Minho sooner or later. The morning following his little crying session in Changbin’s arms he had asked the rest to meet them in the living room saying that he needed to talk to them all. That got him a few worried looks ‘cause apparently it’s never good when someone asks you to talk while their eyes are puffy and bright red. Granted, Changbin did most of the talking letting Hyunjin cling to him, but in the end everyone was made aware of Minho which Hyunjin counted as a win.

“What do you want to know?” he asked calmly. And unlike Dumbeldore in the movies, he was actually calm. Hyunjin has had a lot of time to keep Minho close to his heart, as a secret for only him to hold and love. He was ready to let others cherish him as well.

“Whatever you want to tell,” Jeongin answered, content with anything Hyunjin was willing to share. 

“How about you ask and I’ll answer or say skip?” the older suggested and was met with an eager nod. 

Jeongin started with the easy questions.

“Favorite color?”

“Green, specifically birch leaf green.”

“Favorite season?” 

“Spring. He said he likes to see everything slowly wake up.”

“Favorite flower?”

“Sunflower, he’d get me one at the end of every school year.”

“Favorite animal?” 

“Cat! He had two, Soonie and Doongie.”

“Early bird or night owl?”

“Disgustingly an early bird but he’d always stay up with me if I asked.” 

“How long did you know each other?”

“Met him when I was 4, he was 6.”

The rapid fire questions continued for a while. Jeongin was overjoyed to get any and all information about his missing soulmate and Hyunjin happy to finally share the first part of his soul. Jeongin had finished Hyunjins flower crown and moved on to making Felix one to take home with them. Hyunjin had completed crowns for the two youngest. 

“What did you guys like to do together?” Jeongin asked, attaching a delicate pink flower to the crown. 

“We’d go on walks a lot. He liked to feed the stray cats,” Hyunjin talked, smiling at the memories, “mostly it was him picking up a hobby and me following like a lost puppy. He did dance? I needed to dance. He tried to cook? I was there helping him burn down the house. He wanted to run every night? Suddenly I needed new running shoes.”

“He always told me to stop doing that. That I could be my own person, not a miny him,” Hyunjin continued, “but to me it was never important what I did as long as it was with him.”

“Was it hard to be just you after?” Jeongin questioned. 

“So fucking hard,” Hyunjn breathed out, “I spent basically all my life being someone I thought he would love. Unintentionally and subconsciously but I still did it. And then overnight I didn’t-,” 

Deep breaths Hyunjin. Jeongin put the flowers in his hand aside to take the olders hands into his, giving them a gentle squiz of reassurance. 

“I had to go from someone he loved to someone I loved as well,” Hyunjin spoke, voice small, eyes on where their hands were joined together, “not that I didn’t love myself when I was with him but it was alway me and him, him and I, my whole life. Never just me.”

“I like the just you you’ve found very much hyung.”

---

“He’s so good,” Hyunjin said, “has a childlike peace to him. His is the cartoon flower in a bubble.”

The clouds above him were turning darker as he spoke, so Hyunjin knew that it was time to wrap up his visit for that time. However, this year, leaving didn’t sound as bad as it used to because, for one, he had someone besides Dori to go back to. And he would be back much sooner than usual, and most likely with Seungmin to check up on his neediest plant to date. 

Hyunjin got up and said goodbye to all of his trees, making sure to show them all a little love. 

When he got to the Wisteria, blooming in a beautiful shade of purple he paused. 

“This one is mine. It means devotion that transcends death,” he said with a laugh, looking around the garden. Garden dedicated to Minho, “couldn’t be more fitting.”

“But it also means ‘let’s be friends’.”

---

Two small boys were sitting on swings next to each other. The smaller one of the two glancing at the other every few seconds, as if wanting to ask something but being too afraid to do so. 

The bigger boy jumped off his swing and was walking to the slides when someones small hand took his.

“Let’s be friends,” he heard a small voice whisper when he turned around to see who had grabbed him. The smaller boy from the swings looked at him, eyes filled with so much hope. 

“How old are you?” the bigger boy asked. 

“I’m four,” the smaller replied, holding up five fingers on the hand not holding the other. 

The bigger boy laughed and said, “I’m six. And that's not four, silly,” he added, folding down one of the younger's fingers, “there.”

“I’m Hyunjin!” the younger said, the shyness from earlier slowly disappearing and in its place pure childlike happiness is taking place. 

“I don’t know if we can be friends though,” the older announced, draining the joy from Hyunjin’s face. 

“Why?” Hyunjin exclamed, afraid that there is something wrong with him. 

“Well, I want a hyung who will take care of me,” the older explained, “but since you are younger than me I would have to be the hyung and I’m not sure if I’m ready for that responsibility.”

At that Hyunjin let out a sigh of relief. That he could fix. That wasn’t something wrong with him.

“I’m very responsible! I came here alone and I didn’t even talk to the creepy man who said that he had a puppy at home, and I really like petting puppies.” he talked, desperate to prove himself responsible enough to get the other to be his friend. Hyunjin was usually a shy kid, content to play by himself, but something about this boy told him they needed to be friends. 

Hyunjin continued his ramble about puppies unaware that the older boy was having a full blown crisis. Or as full blown of a crisis that a six year old can have. This boy is too young to wander the streets alone! He should have someone that takes care of him! Minho decided that he was gonna be the one to take care of the younger 'til the day he dies. 

“We can be friends,” he interrupted the younger who was still going on about puppies, “My name is Minho.”

The boys smiled at each other, oblivious to the tingle running down their forearms. 

Hyunjin and Minho, at 4 and 6, ready to take on life together as a unit. 

---

“Look at you,” Hyunjin said, “you said that it was your job to take care of me but here I am taking care of you, not the other way around.”

Hyunjin plucks a few dead branches from his tree, placing them in the middle of the garden for birds to take. He was almost done with the round around his trees when a voice called at the gate. 

“You ready to go, Jinnie? It’s already raining a little and Lixie said the brownies are ready,” Chan, who had driven Hyunjin to the garden but decided to stay in the car, asked the younger. 

“Almost,” he replied, “just need to say goodbye.”

Hyunjin had made it back to the passion vine and, once again, kneeled next to it. 

“Take care hyung,” he whispered to the plant, “I love you and I miss you. I’ll be back soon with the others.”

Hyunjin got up and walked to the gate, picking up his things on the way. For the first time he left the garden with a smile on his face, hand in hand with his soulmate.

And if Hyunjin had looked back, he would’ve seen a pink butterfly take shelter on the lower leaves of the newly planted passion tree.

(The Garden of Lee Minho was complete.)