Work Text:
...
You, you went beyond
And you lost it all
Why did you go there?
- Dreaming, System of a Down
...
she has dreams that his last moments are in her lap instead of aigis', that she magically floats up into nyx’s lair and stops him, that she joins him and they spend the rest of eternity side by side, two souls guarding a great calamity. anything that lets them be together beyond the days that now feel like they were only fleeting minutes, slipping through her fingers like sand, which is all she wants, really. that's all she’s ever wanted. it's unfair how the best thing that ever happened to her was ripped away from her so mercilessly, but apparently, such is life.
(even if she tells herself that it was enough, that she's grateful they met, glad that he loved her, it never stops hurting.)
she wants to curl up and scream the others deaf when they constantly cling to the feeble hope that there's a chance he could come back because he's still alive out there somewhere somewhere that's not here, with her, holding her hand and talking about exam questions and wild duck burger and wedding dresses and perfect white picket fences. she doesn't want a chance for him to come back, she wants him to come back. she doesn’t want slippery deals or bargains, nothing that could interfere with them picking up right where they were torn apart left off. but it's not that easy. that phrase is always getting thrown at her. it's not that easy, yukari. of course it's not; if it were, he wouldn't have had to be sacrificed.
(a lot of people wouldn't have been sacrificed. but his sacrifice was undoubtedly the greatest of all.)
sometimes she wishes that she'd remembered stupid, idiot, useless brain so she could have asked him why. even though she already knows why, dammit, she knows because it was SEES' goal from the very start. saving the world and all that jazz. he was only fulfilling their goal he chose the world over her and seeing their mission through until the end why? they were supposed to fight it together.
like a good, selfless, courageous handsome caring understanding patient strong and she still loves him so much, so much leader would.
when she dreams, she hears his voice and she smiles.
...