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"Delivery!"
The voice sounds muffled through the door, but Sieun knows who it is. Ahn Suho.
Sieun thinks that he could probably recognise the voice of the other boy even in his sleep.
Sieun hesitates for a bit.
"Um.. why are you here?" he asks, quietly, but loud enough for Suho to hear.
"What kind of question is that?" Suho whines. "I'm thirsty, just give me a cup of water."
Sieun looks down at his cast-covered arm, and the memories from the fight flood his mind. He has been ignoring Suho for a while now, not wanting the other to know what exactly happened on his birthday. Sieun can't let his guard down now.
Still, Sieun can't shut the other boy out completely, not when he's at his door, asking to come in.
Hesitantly, Sieun opens the door, and there is Ahn Suho. Sieun is greeted with the familiar sight of the other boy. Sieun can't just yet make eye contact with him, scared it would only take one look for Suho to see right through him.
"How have you been?" Suho asks, now looking into Sieun's eyes.
"Um... Yes..." Sieun ignores the question, hoping Suho won't push further. "What brings you here?"
"I just stopped by," Suho replies, his eyes travelling down to Sieun's cast-covered arm. Sieun slowly hides his arm behind his back.
"Are you all right?" Suho asks then, worry in his voice.
Shit. Sieun's heart jumps.
He can't let the other boy know how he really feels. How he's drained both emotionally and physically, how he's tired of the pain, tired of hiding for the past days, tired of hiding his whole life.
So Sieun keeps his face blank, his usual expression that cannot be read by others. Well, at least most of them. When it comes to Ahn Suho, Sieun has noticed that the other boy has the capability of making Sieun's mask fall. With him, Sieun sometimes has a hard time keeping a straight face, and when Sieun tries his hardest to keep his face blank, Suho can somehow still figure out how Sieun's feeling.
It's terrifying.
And it happens now.
"Sieun-ah," Suho starts. "I know what happened."
Shit.
"What do you mean?"
"Hey, Yeon Sieun," Suho says, sounding annoyed, and then, softer: "I know about what happened. On my birthday."
Oh.
Sieun looks around, trying to come up with something, something to deny whatever Suho might know, but his mind is completely blank. Sieun sighs, giving in.
"Youngyi... did she-"
"No," Suho says, "she didn't. I just..." Sieun can see Suho thinking, wondering what he should say next, whether to tell the truth.
"It doesn't matter," Suho sighs, frustrated. "But what does matter is that you're hurt," he says with a soft tone, gripping firmly onto Sieun's arm, careful not to hurt him, and pulls it from behind Sieun's back.
"Oh, Sieun," Suho mutters quietly, almost whispering.
Suho gets himself closer to Sieun, or his arm to be exact, examining it. Sieun can't help the tug he feels in his stomach as the other gets closer, a tug that he's grown used to, feeling it embarrassingly often when he's around the other boy. Sieun however does not want to think about what it means, what he knows it means, because it doesn't matter. Suho would never in a million years feel the same, not about Sieun. Sieun's not stupid, he knows that. So he pushes the lurching feeling into the back of his brain, into a place he will not unpack.
Suho looks up from Sieun's arm, his face now only a couple of inches away from Sieun's face.
"Let me in," Suho insists, looking straight into Sieun's eyes. This close, Suho's eyes look so deep, as if Sieun could just lean forward and drown in them. "Please," Suho says quietly, almost a whisper.
And before Sieun accidentally does something very stupid, he breaks eye contact and yields out of the way, giving up, letting the other boy go past him inside.
"Gosh, why is it so dark in here? Are you a vampire or something?" Suho comments, easing the tension, the tension that Sieun at least is feeling.
Sieun doesn't say anything, just makes his way towards the kitchen, filling a glass of water.
What is he going to do now? Is Suho mad for what happened? He can't let Suho see all his pain, can't let him know everything. Lost in his thoughts, Sieun doesn't notice the glass filling and water spilling onto his hand before he senses Suho behind him. Suho leans in, his chest touching Sieun's back, and Sieun swallows.
"Hey, Sieun-ah, where's your mind?" Suho asks, reaching to close the tap, and Sieun shivers. Sieun places the glass on the counter. The feeling of Suho's words right next to Sieun's ear drives him crazy and he pulls himself away from the taller boy, flustered.
"It's nothing," Sieun says, trying to keep his cool, but he can feel the heat on his ears when he pulls away from the proximity of the other.
He prays that Suho can't sense anything in the way he is acting, in the way he looks. To Sieun's relief, Suho doesn't say anything. Unbothered, he drinks the water and makes his way into the living room and flops on the couch.
Sieun sits down on the other side of the couch, careful to not touch the other boy, pulling his knees close to the chest, as if it's a shield between him and Suho, stopping him from saying too much, revealing too much.
"So, how are you, really?" Suho asks. "Are you in any pain?"
"No, I'm okay."
"Hey, you're in a cast, Yeon Sieun, of course you're in pain," Suho says eyeing Sieun up and down in a way that makes Sieun feel like Suho sees right through him.
"Does it hurt anywhere else besides your arm? Here?" Suho asks, reaching for a bruise he noticed in the corner of his mouth.
Suho's hand is just about to brush the bruise, but he seems to get second thoughts, and his hand is left lingering awkwardly mid air. Suho lets his hand drop onto Sieun's shoulder, the shoulder that also has a aching bruise on it, and Sieun flinches. Slowly, Suho raises his hand, meeting Sieun's eyes, and Sieun can see something in them change.
"I'm going to kill them," Suho mutters in a low voice, trembling with anger. "I'm going to go after them, I'm going to-" Suho takes a deep breath trying to calm himself.
"Suho-ya," Sieun says quietly, trying to do his best to calm down the other. "Just don't. Don't..." Sieun tries to find the right words, tries to find something he can say to change Suho's mind.
"Don't get yourself hurt." Don't get yourself hurt for me, Sieun adds, in his head.
"Why?" Suho says, something in his voice, making him sound a bit broken. "Look what they did to you."
"I'm fine now Suho, I promise."
That seems to calm him down at least a little bit. Suho sighs, getting up from the couch.
"Okay tough guy, but let me at least get something for that," Suho says trying to lighten the mood but not quite succeeding, pointing at the bruise on Sieun's mouth.
Sieun is about to protest, but the other is already making his way to the bathroom, impossibly fast with those longs legs of his. Suho rattles for a while in the bathroom until he comes out with a bruise cream in his hand.
"Hey, Ahn Suho, I really don't need..." Sieun starts.
"It'll heal faster this way. You don't want your pretty face covered in a bruise any longer than it has to, do you?" Suho smirks.
Pretty.
If Sieun didn't know better, he would take Suho's actions as flirting, but Suho has always been like this. Calling Sieun cute, talking about them being a married couple in their last life and throwing around finger hearts. Flirty was just a personality trait of Suho's, nothing more. Still, Sieun can feel a heat flowing into his face, up to his ears.
Suho opens the cream and applies it gently to the back of Sieun's hand first. Suho dips his finger in the cream and then, impossibly gently, he taps it onto the corner of Sieun's mouth.
Despite knowing that Suho's only doing him a favor, Sieun feels his stomach turn. He really can't take it, not when Suho's gaze and touch are focused on his lips. Sieun can practically hear his own heart beating and he just hopes that Suho doesn't notice.
"All done," Suho says after a while in a low, quiet voice after applying enough of the cream, and for some reason, he doesn't lift his hand off of Sieun's face. Suho's gaze is still glued to his lips and Sieun can feel his face heating up even more.
"Sieun-ah."
Suho breathes softly, and Sieun's gaze goes from Suho's eyes down to his nose and then, inevitbly, down to his lips, and Sieun wants to lean forward and let go more than anything.
But before Sieun can do anything, Suho makes the choice for him, leaning in.
And then, Ahn Suho is kissing him.
It's light, just a small touch of lips, but it's still enough to light Sieun on fire. It's like Sieun can feel every single atom of Suho that is touching him at the moment. It's like they're the only people in the world.
Then, it's all gone as Suho pulls away, far and quick.
"Suho-ya-"
"Shit, I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did that. Fuck, forgive me Sieun-ah," Suho blabbers, flushing in the face.
"I- I'm so sorry, I promise it will never happen again," Suho goes on, getting up and pulling away from Sieun.
Suho clears his throat. "If you want me to- uh- leave, I totally get that," Suho says quietly, looking everywhere else than at Sieun.
The way Suho looks so scared and lost, the brave and unbothered Ahn Suho, makes something in Sieun snap.
He clinges onto Suho's arm, pulling him back onto the couch and then, Sieun is kissing him.
Suho let's out a small surprised noise until he fully understands, and then he's kissing Sieun back and it's everything.
Sieun decides to open his mouth to the kiss and it's even better. Suho opens his mouth a bit as well, and Sieun feels like his heart is about to burst. He pulls away for a bit, catching his breath, and then he hears the words he hadn't even dared to dream of hearing.
"I like you," Suho says, sounding breathless from the kiss.
"I- I like you too," Sieun says, equally breathless, and with that, Sieun pulls Suho in for another kiss.
Sieun pulled harder than he had meant to, because now Sieun is pinned to the couch, and Suho is hovering over him, only giving Sieun a couple of seconds to realise the situation before kissing him.
The kiss is far away from the shy peck they had exchanged only minutes ago. This kiss is passionate, full of lips and tongues and a hint of teeth. It tastes sweet and a bit bitter from the bruise cream but most of all it tastes like Suho. Sieun's hand finds it's way to Suho's neck, and on an impulse, he graps the short hair on the back of Suho's head and pulls.
With that, Suho groans into the kiss, and the sound makes Sieun's head hazy with want.
Shit.
He pulls away.
They're both panting hard and flushed on the face. Sieun doesn't dare to look at Suho for a moment, and when he does, he regrets it almost immediately.
Suho looks bewildered, his hair messy, his lips red and a bit swollen, his cheeks covered in a gorgeous flush.
"I think we should-" Sieun starts, his voice sounding hoarse.
He clears his throat and tries again. "I think we should calm down," he says, gently pushing Suho off of him.
"Yeah," Suho says, still breathless. "We should get to bed."
Sieun's mouth falls open at that, cheeks blushing at the implication, and he must have a scandalised expression on his face because Suho laughs.
"That's not what I meant," Suho grins at him. "I meant, like, actually going to sleep. It's late."
It's not the first time Suho has slept over at Sieun's place, but everything feels different this time.
Sieun get's a t-shirt and sweatpants from his closet that he thinks might somehow fit Suho and turns around, pretending to organise his already organised desk while Suho changes. When Sieun is sure Suho's all dressed, he turns around. Sieun can't help but think that Suho looks adorable in his too small t-shirt and sweatpants that are too short for him. Sieun almost smiles at the sight, turning his head away from Suho.
Suho gets a blanket from Sieun's closet, throwing it on the floor next to Sieun's bed.
"What are you doing?" Sieun asks, getting a rush of courage. "Get on the bed, it's big enough."
Suho doesn't say anything to that, but complies and immediately gets under the covers. Sieun blushes at the sight.
Ahn Suho, in his bed. Never would he have imagined getting to see a sight like this in real life.
"C'mere," Suho mutters softly, and Sieun slowly lays down next to the other boy.
They lay like that for a while, side by side, without a sound.
"Ahn Suho," Sieun breaks the silence.
"Promise me something."
"Hmm?"
"Stay here. Don't go anywhere. After them. I don't want you to get hurt."
Suho pulls Sieun into a hug, their bodies aligning perfectly, and Sieun thinks he could stay like this forever.
"I promise," Suho says, hiding his face in Sieun's neck.
Suho raises his head and presses a soft kiss on Sieun's lips, and like that, they slowly drift to sleep.
Sieun wakes at 3:44 am.
He turns around, touching Suho's side of the bed, only feeling the cold sheets.
Sieun sits up in terror.
He scrambles for his phone, finding it on the bed side table.
No, no, no, no.
With shaky hands, Sieun looks at his phone, and notices one new message.
A message with two words, two words that make Sieun's heart drop.
Ahn Suho
I'm sorry.