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Haruka could faintly remember Ikuya’s arm around his shoulders and the droplets of water from Yamazaki’s hair falling onto their feet as they hugged. He remembered how their laugh and tears mixed together, flooded with happiness and relief — they’ve made it.
They had just won the relay. Together.
But what Haru remembers vividly still was Rin’s smile against his cheek and Rin’s tears salting his chlorine chapped lips. Before everything went dark.
Now, his legs seemed completely asleep. And Haruka’s eyes felt as heavy as a sinking boat. But his hands were so warm and the gentle squeezing every now and then, in an almost inexplicable way, gave him sensations he’d thought only water could bring before.
Three years ago, he would have easily given up on the effort it took to open his eyelids, exhausting as it was. Why didn’t he just dive into the darkness once again?
There were muffled voices around him. Two of them seemed to have a conversation of their own while the third one… Was it talking to Haru? It was more like mumbling really and he could hear a mix of worry and… anger?
“Haru, I—” it said quietly, followed by a huff that sounded a lot like, “why are you such an idiot sometimes?”
Well, there was no doubt now, the voice was talking to him. And it was… not quite mad, but definitely not as pleased as it should be. They’ve won the relay, what more could be asked of him?
With a last bit of strength, Haruka slowly opened his eyes, meeting ruby scarlet wide orbs.
Ah.
Suddenly, everything made sense. The way the warmth in his hands seemed to make his whole body relax as if it was completely submerged into an open pool. The reason why he didn’t give in to sleep and tired eyes and made actual effort to follow the now oh so familiar voice.
Rin.
Except… that also explained the inflamed tone.
“ Haru. ”
“Oh, Haru-chan! Should we call the doctor?”
Doctor?
Haru now recognized the other two voices. Makoto’s worried but light and friendly, greeting him back into awakeness and Yamazaki’s low tone calling softly out the all-white room door. So, hospital. Was it that serious or something?
“Yo, Haru, you stupid water maniac!”
Ok. So Rin was going into full-blown, well, Rin mode. And in all honesty, Haruka knew why, he wasn’t as oblivious as people seem to think. And he also wasn’t dumb. Countless times during their training period had Rin gotten into this ‘pointing-finger, screaming at Haru’s face after he managed to basically pass out on whatever available surface’ mode. Ikuya used to look at them with a knowing contemplative look Haru couldn’t quite put his finger on.
“Ah, Rin…” Makoto chuckled nervously in an attempt to placate Rin’s mood. “Shouldn’t we wait—
Rin waved a hand at the taller boy dismissing any pursuits he had of protecting Haru from Rin’s anger.
Unfair , Haruka thought with slightly narrowed eyes. But not really , he reconsidered as red eyes glistened with concern and Rin’s barely noticeable furrowed lips betrayed whatever displeasure he tried to portray with harsh exclamations.
“Rin.” Haruka’s eyes turned to Yamazaki, standing by his best friend’s side with a gentle hand on Makoto’s elbow and interrupting Rin’s upcoming monologue.
Uh, when did they get close?
And really, that came surprisingly with no feelings of jealousy like the ones he had in elementary school, when Haru thought Kisumi— that pink-haired basketball weirdo — was stealing his best friend away. No, the grateful smile on his friend’s face and the responding touch Makoto gave Yamazaki’s hand made it impossible for Haru to feel anything negative towards them.
Not sure I’ll be able to call him Sousuke though, Makoto. Even if that’s going to happen.
Behind them, walked a petite woman that reminded Haru vaguely of Kou, with her bright smile and sweet upbeat voice.
“Mr. Nanase! I see you’re finally awake, how are you feeling?” She said while standing at the end of his also very white bed and going through a stack of papers Haru could only imagine contained a bunch of his physical exams results.
“Uh. Fine, I guess.” Rin huffed through his nostrils at his monotonous answer as he stared at Haru with a challenging demeanor. Haruka turned his head slightly away from the doctor and challenged back with darkened blue eyes. You’re not that better than I am, Rin.
“Not to interrupt your eye-fucking or anything, but maybe we should listen to what Dr. White has to say.” As Yamazaki kindly cut short their staring match with exasperation dripping in his tone, Haru kept his gaze on Rin’s rapidly reddening face as blood rushed through his neck till the top of his cheeks, matching crimson disheveled locks.
“Sorry, doctor.” Yamazaki added as an afterthought while bowing subtly in the woman’s direction. Whether he was apologizing for his crude words or Rin and Haru’s behavior, Haruka couldn’t be sure.
And he wasn’t very interested either, to be honest. But he couldn’t deny that the heat rising up his chest at the implication was slightly unsettling.
The doctor— Dr. White, he mentally corrected himself, why was everything white here? — barely reacted to the whole thing, just tilting her head to the right and looking at them with something akin to amusement by the way the corners of her mouth lifted before she put down the medical records and turned to Haru.
“As expected, your vitals are all still normal and there are no signs of something being physically wrong.” Haru could feel a collective feeling of relief taking the room, but…
It’s not that he didn’t feel it, obviously, his dream of swimming with Rin had barely started. He wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if his own actions and reckless behavior jeopardize it.
I just got Rin back.
But because of it, he realized, Haruka’s guilt managed to overpower any other feelings of comfort, if the manner Rin’s shoulders dropped like the weight of a thousand bricks was lifted off of him was anything to go by.
“However, Mr. Nanase,” there it was, the weight was back. He watched Rin’s eyes close slowly and Haru’s chest tightened, “and there’s no need to worry that much, so you can breathe again, misters”, she continued with an affable smile, appeasing the air, “from what we have here, your body does seem to be showing symptoms of overtraining, such as your legs’ spasms and overall fatigue.
“We’ve already talked with your team about physical rehabilitation and training adjustments being the best option if you want to keep swimming at a competitive level. And I do hope you agree with it, Mr. Nanase, even if it means taking a few steps back for a while. You have a very promising future ahead of you.”
Had she said that during his last year of high school, Haruka would’ve choked. Now, with all he’s been through, with all he’s been through with Rin and after finally realizing how to walk towards his future because of Rin, Haru finally understood the relief his friends probably felt before, as contradicting as it might have been with the prospect of not actually swimming for some time.
Judging by the fidgeting fingers and frantic look Rin directed to the pristinely clean hospital floor, he didn’t think the doctor’s words were as reassuring as Haruka did.
“Now, you boys seem like you need to talk, so I’ll get out of your hair.” Dr. White gave him an amused wink, “I’ll just sort out your discharge documentation and you’ll be able to get out of here in a couple hours.” She finished and proceeded towards the hospital hall carrying his medical papers in her hands.
If it was that obvious to everyone that Rin was about to scold him, Haru might as well let them have their fun with innuendos and suggestive winks, right?
Save the effort to fight back with Rin when he unleashes whatever he’s been holding in. Haru might acknowledge his questionable coping-with-competition methods but he couldn’t go down without giving Rin a run for his money.
The tension clearly thickened as soon as the Kou-alike doctor left the room.
Makoto and Yamazaki exchanged an uneasy look before their eyes rested on Rin, not knowing if any of them should speak. Haru watched as Rin’s gaze stayed low, eyes blinking slowly as he seemed to direct all his attention into controlling his unsteady breaths.
With a deep inhale and running long fingers through red hair, Rin turned to the other two occupants in the room and broke the silence.
“I’m probably gonna yell. You guys can leave if you don’t wanna see that”, he nonchalantly said, as if saying something as meaningless as ‘today’s gonna be warm in Sydney’.
If Haru wasn’t Haru, he would’ve accepted defeat right then.
Makoto’s eyes turned to him full of concern. It’s fine, Makoto , he answered in a way only the green eyed boy could ever understand.
Yamazaki returned Rin’s stare in such a warning way that Haru was almost sure he was telling Rin to go easy on him.
Who would’ve thought we’d come to this, huh?
Haruka gave Makoto a small nod and he pulled on Yamazaki’s forearm until they too were out the door and into the hall.
Rin turned his whole body towards Haru with arms crossed over his torso. Haru averted his gaze for a few seconds and spotted his sports bag on a small beige armchair near his bed.
“You’re incredibly stupid, I hope you know that.” Rin started his tirade with a trembling choked voice, “Because I know we talked about how you wanted to give your all to the championship and compete with Albert again, so you could understand and accept his swimming or… or whatever you water weirdos do. But, Haru , you can’t keep overworking like that, you’ll just— what exactly are you doing?”
Haru stopped in the middle of getting up with a hand still on the bed and the other over his slightly bent knee. He stared at Rin’s wide eyes and one single raised eyebrow.
“I’m gonna get changed. The doctor is signing the discharge papers, you heard it.” He said back and continued his way to the armchair.
Haruka knew he wasn’t precisely helping his case, ok? But actual confrontation and hospital clothes were making him restless.
“Haru— you can’t—”
Apparently giving up on whatever protest he was going to make, Rin just let out a long exhale and closed his eyes once more, trying to ground himself.
With their backs turned to each other, Haru could hear Rin’s anxious moves as he put on his more comfortable sports pants and loose white T-shirt, standing with socks-clad feet on the cold floor. The brief distraction seemed to alleviate some of the frustration in the room and Rin turned to Haru again.
Suddenly, all the fight Haruka thought he would need to face this situation left his body.
Rin’s eyes shone with vulnerability Haru had never seen before. Not when they battled under the sakura tree in second year of high school. Not when he told Haru about the troubles he’d had as a lonely kid in Australia. Not even a few weeks ago when Rin murmured you swim beautifully, Haru with a hot breath on his neck and tight arms around his shoulders.
Haru froze.
“I’m scared , ok?” Rin's voice trembled, his damp lips trembled, the corners of his scarlet gorgeous eyes trembled. He seemed on the verge of breaking down. And Haru remained frozen. “I’m scared ‘cause it’s like we just got each other back . You heard what the doctor said, Haru, there’s nothing wrong with you. Not physically. And yet… yet you’re still here , in a stupid hospital!”
The way Rin moved his hands desperately like he didn’t know what else to do and how he couldn’t look at Haruka’s eyes…
Haru had never felt like such a monster before.
“I thought we were finally gonna be on the same page, without any more misunderstandings, without any more terrible words, just… us. Swimming and taking over the world. Together.” Rin’s speech slowly came to a small murmur, fingers clenching and unclenching at his sides, “I always seem to be losing you. I couldn’t bear to lose you once more.” He whispered with a shy and pained smile, tears gathering at the corner of dark lashes and finally lifting his gaze to blue eyes.
Haru never wanted to see that smile on Rin’s face again.
Maybe it was all the emotional overload he couldn’t explain that drove Haru to what he did next.
Maybe it was the fact he was the reason Rin looked so fucking heartbroken right now. Maybe it was the feeling of being completely powerless to try and fix that horrible smile on Rin’s lips— his pink-red and so soft-looking lips, even if a bit cracked from pool water. Maybe it was not knowing how to express in words everything he was feeling, Rin was always better at talking than he was.
But maybe it was just Haru’s heart not having what it needed to deal with the man he loved since he was twelve years old reciprocating what Haru felt from that very melancholic day when Rin said he was going to the other side of the ocean just after he’d shown Haru the best sight he’d ever seen before.
Haruka took a deep breath and slowly crossed the small distance between them with determined steps while red orbs looked at him carefully. No hesitation in his moves, Haru gently took Rin’s face between his hands, lowering it with all his care and placing a very slightly open mouthed kiss on Rin’s forehead with closed eyes.
At that moment, something seemed to break inside Rin. His whole body shook with a strangled sob while the tears fell from his eyes to Haruka’s wrist and he caught the blue eyed boy’s elbows in a deathgrip.
“I—” Another sob interrupted what Rin was going to say.
“Shh…” Haru tried to comfort him with still closed eyelids whilst also turning his head down to nuzzle his nose gingerly against Rin’s hot and tear-soaked cheeks, resting his forehead against Rin’s, lips fingerbreadths away.
“I’m sorry , Rin.” Haru whispered, “There’s nothing I want more than to keep swimming with you.”
Rin took a sharp intake of breath.
“I’m going with the plan. I’ll do any rehab I need, I’ll go easier with training. For real , this time.” Haru tried to keep his voice low and light, either trying to not break the bubble they’ve created or trying his best to comfort the redhead with his less than adequate emotional skills. Just anything to make Rin stop shaking in his arms.
Haruka finally opened his eyes and watched as Rin tried to blink teardrops away. With one more shaky gasp and barely audible whisper, Rin opened up another hole in Haru’s heart.
“You heard Dr. White, you’re physically fine. So, what if you drown in a dark mood again?” His left hand made its way to the raven haired man’s wrist, pulling Haru away just enough to look deeply back into his eyes, “And I don’t want you to lose your freedom just because you feel obligated to swim with me. It’s like that’s what always happens with us.”
Haru audibly swallowed. With gentle thumbs rubbing Rin’s tears away, he calmly replied.
“I don’t feel obligated to swim with you, Rin. I’m the most free when I’m swimming by your side, don’t you see?” Haru took a pause to study every little inch of Rin’s beautiful face.
The water beads still in his dark eyelashes. The very faint, small freckles on his nose that Haru guessed were caused by sun exposure. But, mostly, his gaze just kept alternating between ruby eyes and pink cherry-colored lips.
“I know I’m not the best at communicating—” He didn’t fight Rin’s little huff, going along with it for once, “but I want to keep competing because you showed me swimming with you is my dream. I’ll do rehab. I’ll do therapy, so I can gain more control over my mind and not fall into that dark mood. I’ll take time off water to get stronger. I’ll change my diet, Rin, I’ll eat more meat, less mackerel. If that’s what it takes for me to keep dreaming with you.”
“You would not stop eating mackerel for me, Haruka.” Haru felt Rin’s sudden exhale on his lips. Rin’s hands were now holding both of Haru’s wrists and his breathing seemed normal again, his face more open, even though his chuckle was disbelieving.
The way his name sounded— his name , which Rin never really used— coming through the redhead’s mouth made his whole body warm.
“I would.” He stressed without a second thought.
From the way Rin’s eyes widened and his chest rose, he must have finally understood how serious Haru was about this. Giving him a barely there eskimo kiss, Haru continued, “But I said ‘less’, not stop. Just so we’re clear…”
The end of his sentence never really came out. Haru’s right hand slowly descended from Rin’s defined jaw, fleeting by his pecs until it reached his waist. His playful reply just got quieter and quieter and quieter till it was swallowed by their lips— finally , Haruka thought— meeting.
Again, Haru couldn’t pinpoint what exactly gave him this courage, but then again nothing he ever felt with Rin had much logical explanations. He just let himself feel. And by the knowing looks and insinuations from their friends, he realized this was a long time coming.
It was a chaste kiss. Lips closed and just embracing each other, Rin’s right hand holding his jaw while his left arm went around Haruka’s shoulder, hand encircling his nape. But that still wasn’t enough .
Tightening his arm around Rin’s lower back, Haru pulled him closer, impossibly closer, and softly opened his mouth, resting the tip of his tongue on Rin’s lower lip, asking for permission. Rin didn’t even hesitate. He tilted Haru’s face slightly to his left and their tongues met in an intimate caress.
Rin kissed like he swam free.
Intensely. Fiercely determined. Pouring into it everything he had. Yet so lovingly.
Haruka felt drunk.
He moved so both arms enveloped Rin while the redhead fully hugged Haru’s shoulders. Their kiss seemed endless, lasting thankfully long minutes until all there was left were heated breaths on damp lips and they parted briefly to look at each other.
“You never cease to amaze me, Nanase.” A smile so much prettier than the one Haru received minutes ago lit Rin’s expression.
Resting his forehead Rin’s again, Haruka gave him a small smile back. “I was serious. I’ll do all of that for you. For us . Our future.”
“Even eating less mackerel and more meat?” He raised both eyebrows in a pointed look.
Haruka shrugged lightly and his lips stretched into a small smirk, “We got a world to take over, don’t we, Rin?”
Rin was openly grinning by now.
“We do. I believe you.” And Haru was sure now that he really did.
Now, he’d waited years to hold Rin like this, to kiss those lips and have his bitten back by shark sharp teeth. So he might as well do it again, right?
They smiled against each other’s mouths, tongues meeting lazily and softly. Until, “But seriously, now, changing your diet is actually a part of recovery and you getting better.” Rin muttered while distancing his face from the raven haired boy while Haru chased his lips again, Rin’s back bending slightly backwards.
“Uh huh.” Haruka replied halfheartedly, he was much more focused on kissing him right now, could Rin stop spoiling it?
Surprisingly, he could. “Ok.” Rin nodded a few times, noses brushing and never averting his eyes from Haru’s mouth, letting the older boy kiss him once more.
Or no, he couldn’t.
“And you have got to stop antagonizing Azuma-san so much, Haru.”
Haruka sighed profoundly while Rin pushed at Haru’s chest attempting to put distance between them and pointed a finger near his nose tip. Haruka kept his arms locked behind Rin’s lower back, I’ve just got you like I’ve always wanted, no getting away now. Stay.
Haru blinked once, criss-crossing his eyes to look at Rin’s finger, then blinked again to rest his gaze back on Rin’s face.
“We both know that’s not happening, Rin.” He retorted, deadpan, before pulling at the redhead’s neck and claiming Rin’s lips once more, stopping any reprimand coming his way.
Rin finally seemed to drop it, hugging Haru like he was Rin’s lifeline.
They had all the time in the world to talk about that later. Right now, Haruka just couldn’t get enough of Rin.
He just hoped that when the time came, Rin would forget about the less mackerel thing.