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Sieun vividly remembers the first time he ever spoke to Ahn Suho. It was also the first time he properly noticed the other boy's existence. Of course, Sieun had been aware of Suho, the boy with a charming smile who always had something to say, or when he didn't, sleeping in the back of the classroom.
That day however, was different from before. The day when Suho fought with a bunch of boys, all nameless to Sieun. Sieun had been cold towards Suho then, just like to Youngbin, just like to everybody who bothered him, and a part of Sieun was waiting for Suho to respond to that cold attitude. But instead, the boy had picked up Sieun's fallen pencil case and apologised for disturbing. Ahn Suho was clearly different from the others, and that intrigued Sieun.
Now Sieun was completely used to the presence of Suho, enjoying it, even. Like right now, they two of them existing in a comfortable silence in Sieun's bedroom. Ever since Beomseok had made friends with those assholes, it had mostly been just the two of them, and of course Youngyi every now and then, whose presence Sieun had also learned to enjoy.
Suho is sprawled on Sieun's bed, Sieun himself sitting by his desk, trying desperately to remember all the mathematic formulas from the books spread in front of him. The sight of Suho on his bed is so comforting that a part of Sieun just wants to lay down next to the boy, forgetting all of his worries. Another part can't get over the fact that Ahn Suho is laying on his bed. Even though Sieun knows the act signifies nothing to Suho, he can't help the small fluttering of his heart.
"Hey, Yeon Sieun, haven't you studied enough already?" Suho sighs, disrupting Sieun's train of thought.
"No, I haven't. I still have five formulas to memorise", Sieun replies matter-of-factly.
"You know, you're not going to die if you don't remember them all. There's no way all of them are going to be on the test." Suho whines. "Let's do something else instead", he says, sitting up on the bed, his eyes glistening with excitement.
Sieun turns around. "Like what?"
"Let's drink." Suho says with a grin.
"We have school tomorrow." Sieun protests, but in his head, he kind of likes the idea of getting tipsy on a beer, not having to think about school, not having to think about anything. And besides, Sieun has a hard time saying no to the other boy. When Suho gets excited, he reminds Sieun of a puppy, and even though Sieun would never admit it out loud, Sieun thinks it's kind of endearing.
"C'mon, it's not like we'll get properly drunk from a few beers, just a bit tipsy."
With a sigh, Sieun closes his workbooks. "Fine."
Victorious, Suho smiles, standing up.
Sieun goes to the fridge, taking out a few beers, knowing his father can't remember them being there. He places them on the kitchen table, sitting down with the other boy.
"Cheers!" Suho exclaims with a wide smile on his face, clashing his can together with Sieun's.
It doesn't take Suho long to empty two cans while Sieun is still sipping on his first one. Even though Suho is tall and muscular, he isn't that big of a drinker, so Suho is getting a bit drunk already.
Suho is smiling that soft smile, looking straight into Sieun's eyes. The smile that Sieun has noticed only he gets to see.
"Sieun-ah", Suho says. There's something in his voice that Sieun can't quite put his finger on. It's a bit more serious than Suho's usual, playful tone he often uses with Sieun.
"Sieun-ah... Do you..." Suho starts, his voice fading away mid-sentence.
"Nevermind", Suho says then, grabbing a third beer and before Sieun can stop him, chugging it almost empty.
"Hey, Ahn Suho, what's up with you? I'm only drinking my first", Sieun says waving the can in his hand.
"But Sieun-ah", Suho slurs a bit. "You don't need it, you're not... you're not the one who's about to... confess", Suho says slowly, flushed in the face, looking a bit quilty.
What?
"Confess? Ahn Suho, what have you done?" Sieun says, now scared, scared of what might come out of the other's mouth next.
Suho seems to realise what he just said, sobering up just a bit.
"It's nothing...", Suho says. "Don't worry about it", Suho says, looking embarrassed. Something in the atmosphere has changed, Sieun can sense it, and then, Suho is getting up, shaking his long limbs a bit.
"Gosh, it's late already", Suho says, checking his phone, trying to sound nonchalant but not quite succeeding. "I think I should get going."
With that, the other boy gathers his jacket from the couch and he's out of the apartment, without another word.
Later, Sieun is laying in his bed trying desperately to fall asleep, rolling in his bed. His mind keeps going back to his conversation with Suho earlier, trying to figure out what the other had meant. A thought pops into Sieun's head, a distruptive one, about Suho confessing. To that, Sieun lets out a joyless laugh, echoing in the empty room. As if Suho would ever confess his nonexistent feelings to him. As if Suho would ever like him, not when there's dozens of girls probably swooning over Suho. Sieun thinks of Youngyi, the fact how Suho seemed so jealous of the way Sieun was close to the girl...
Sieun hits his face into his pillow, taking a deep breath, which turns out to be a mistake. From the pillow, he inhales the familiar scent of Suho, and it seems to fill up his entire head, snaking it's way into every corner of Sieun's brain. God, he's pathetic. Sieun groans, rolling onto his back, and eventually, he drifts to sleep.
The next day at school is completely normal, and the days after that. Sieun doesn't confront Suho about that night. Suho doesn't probably even remember having said that. Sieun wants to smack himself for losing sleep over the matter, for thinking about Suho like that again. And before Sieun notices, it's Friday and they're getting out of school.
"Sieun-ah", Suho says, throwing his arm around Sieun's shoulder. "What're you doing tonight?"
"Studying", Sieun replies, ignoring the feel of Suho's arm over his shoulder, his fingers brushing gently against Sieun's bicep.
Suho sighs. "I'll come study with you then", he says, then changing subject before Sieun can protest.
When they get to Sieun's place, Suho automatically throws himself onto Sieun's bed, letting out a long sigh.
"Hey, why do you always have to lay on my bed", Sieun complains. He sits down on his chair and opens one of his books.
"Why can't I?" Suho pouts back at him. Sieun mentally beats the part of his brain that tells him that Suho looks cute.
"Because...", Sieun starts. Because now my bed will smell like you and I can't stop thinking about you all night, Sieun adds in his head.
"Whatever", Sieun ends up saying.
"Get up, you need to learn this as well", Sieun says then, and to his surprise, Suho gets up, getting a chair from the corner, sitting next to Sieun.
After quizzing Suho on biology, Sieun reads silently for a while, until he notices Suho's head falling to the desk, the boy falling asleep. Sieun's first thought is to wake the other up, making him read through the next chapter, but something about the way Suho looks so calm and carefree stops Sieun to his tracks. Now that Suho is unable to see him, Sieun lets himself look at the boy. Sieun looks at the way Suho's eyelashes cast small shadows on his cheeks, the slight slope of his nose, his pouty lips. Sieun allows himself to look at it all. He feels the sudden urge to move the bangs out of Suho's forehead, and so he raises his hand until suddenly, Suho inhales deeply, slowly opening his eyes.
Sieun flushes, pulling his hand back swiftly, forcing his gaze back to the textbook, pretending to read.
"Stop studying already", Suho says then, his voice a bit hoarse, making Sieun's thoughts wander.
Suddenly, Suho grabs the book in front of Sieun, standing up.
"C'mon, Ahn Suho, give me the book", Sieun sighs impatiently.
"No", Suho says with a smirk. Sieun knows that the other is just trying to get a rise out of him, but he desparately wants to wipe that stupid smirk off of his face.
"Hey Ahn Suho, we have a test", Sieun says, annoyance audible in his voice. Sieun gets to his feet, trying to reach the book, but Suho's faster. Suho gets on his tiptoes, rising the book as high as he can, and Sieun doesn't even try to reach for the book due to the excruciating fact that Suho's three inches taller than him.
"Okay, get the book then", Suho says, sounding so innocent it's riling Sieun all the way up. Sieun knows it's pathetic, but he puts his hand on Suho's shoulder for support and jumps for the book. At the same time, Suho decides to take a few steps back towards the bed. Suho loses his balance, falling on his back onto Sieun's bed, Sieun falling straight on him.
Shit.
The book falls on the floor with a loud thud.
Sieun's hands land on both sides of Suho's head and he's straddling Suho's thighs. They're frozen in the position for a second, both of them shocked. Sieun can feel the blood flowing into his face when he realises the situation, and Suho is looking at him eyes wide, mouth agape, and Sieun feels a surge of something going through him. Fuck.
Sieun rolls off of the other boy, heart beating rapidly in his chest, his cheeks burning up. Sieun doesn't dare to look at Suho, doesn't have a single thought inside his head, besides the feeling of having Suho under him, pinned to the bed, breathless and flushing. Holy fuck.
Sieun pushes the thought far, far into his brain trying to think of anything else.
The silence goes on and on and its excruciating, until Suho finally breaks it.
"Don't wanna study anymore?" Suho says, trying to reach a joking tone, but his voice comes out a bit choked.
"Sieun-ah", Suho breathes after a while, staring at the ceiling, expression unreadable.
"Remember that day? Here, at your place", Suho starts.
"You have to be a little more specific", Sieun replies quietly, even though he's pretty sure he knows what's coming.
"You know, this Monday, when we got a bit drunk. Or I did", Suho swallows, and he sounds nervous, which makes Sieun's heart beat because Suho's never nervous.
"Yeah."
Suho wipes the bridge of his nose with his hand, a habit of Suho's that Sieun has noticed, still unable to pinpoint what it means. Suho takes a deep breath, and really, this is starting to creep Sieun out.
"D'you remember what I said, back then?" he asks, finally making eye contact with Sieun. The joking tone in his voice is gone, his eyes solemn and serious.
"About confessing something?" Sieun asks, quietly, even though he remembers it, word for word.
"Yeah. The truth is..." Suho says, locking his eyes with Sieun.
Sieun's mind is reeling, trying to figure out what on earth Suho is talking about, what on earth he has done.
"Fuck it", Suho mutters lowly and the realisation hits Sieun only milliseconds before Suho surges forwards, pressing his lips on Sieun's.
It takes Sieun a few seconds to assess the situation, until fully realising the press of Suho's lips against his own and the thing is, Sieun has never kissed anyone before. He's never had the urge to, not really, not before Suho. But here it is, he feels it crashing through him like a tidal wave, hitting the inside of his chest in surges.
Suho has rolled himself over Sieun, his hands holding Sieun's face on both sides.
Suho caresses Sieun's ear with his thumb and with that, Sieun sighs into the kiss, opening his mouth, letting the other devour him with his lips. He feels Suho's tongue against his own and it feels amazing.
Then, inevitably, they pull a part, both catching their breath.
"You caught that?" Suho says, sounding a bit dazed from the kiss.
Sieun can't bring himself to find any words at the moment, so he settles for nodding lightly, and that seems to be enough for Suho because he leans in for another kiss.
This time, Sieun doesn't let the other just pin him to the bed. Sieun sits up, wrapping his hands around Suho's neck. Sieun runs his hands up and down Suho's back, and Suho lets out a restrained groan. Suho moves from Sieun's lips to his jawline, down to his neck, pressing a line of kisses down. Sieun gasps at the feeling of Suho's lips on the sensitive skin of his neck, feeling a wave of pleasure and want going straight down.
Suho pulls away just then, breathless still, locking eyes with Sieun. And the way Suho looks... His eyes are wide open, his lips bruised and red and wet...
"You're going to be the death of me", Suho gasps, which is funny to Sieun, because he thinks he's going to be the one to combust and explode any minute now.
"So that was your... confession", Sieun says when he finally seems to get the ability to speak back, still breathless.
"Yeah... I really like you, in case that wasn't clear", Suho says, looking away and blushing.
Sieun can't help but smile at the words. Before he can respond, Suho speaks.
"Can I stay over?" he asks, and Sieun really can't send the other boy away, so he nods.
"Alright, I'll go take a shower", Suho gets up, grinning at Sieun as he goes.
Sieun let's out a sigh, letting himself fall against the bed. He waits until his desire has washed away fully, and then, he goes into the kitchen, making some instant ramen for him and Suho.
They eat in a comfortable silence, and afterwards, Sieun goes to take a shower as well.
When Sieun gets out of the shower, he reaches for his clothes on the counter, but notices he only took his underwear and sweatpants with him. Then, he notices Suho's hoodie on the floor, the other probably having forgotten it in the bathroom. If Sieun has to choose between being shirtless in front of Suho or putting on Suho's hoodie, he definitely chooses the hoodie.
In his room, Sieun finds Suho laying on his bed, scrolling through his phone. Then, Suho's eyes catch Sieun, and his mouth opens a bit.
"Hey Yeon Sieun- you-", Suho mumbles, red in the face.
"Sorry", Sieun says. "I forgot to take mine with me."
"You're going to be the death of me, Yeon Sieun", Suho says, for the second time already. "You look so good in my clothes."
Sieun blushes at that, not having thought about Suho having that kind of reaction. Without a word, Sieun gets on the bed, carefully wrapping his arms around the taller boy, hiding his face in the other's chest.
"I like you, too", he mumbles, quietly, but Suho hears him anyway. "I didn't have a chance to say that earlier."
"Yeah, I kind of got that from the kiss", Suho teases, and Sieun has the urge to smack him.
He doesn't.
Instead, he breathes in the scent of the other, feeling completely at ease. Safe.
Deep down, Sieun knows that even though he's got Suho now, they've got each other, things are far from perfect. Him and Suho will need to face hardship again. Face violence. But right now, Sieun can't make himself think about any of that. He presses a sleepy kiss on Suho's jaw and closes his eyes, falling asleep to the sound of Suho's heartbeat.