Chapter Text
Pillow Talk
(A few days prior)
Both men were laying on their stomachs, heads turned to each other on their pillows. The day had started with Gail leaving them emotionally raw, and then they had filled the rest of it with small talk. They wanted to talk about their counseling session, but both men knew that if they started that recap, it had to be when both of them were alone and wouldn’t be interrupted.
“I am really happy you are home. Did I tell you that yet?” Steve knew the answer but wanted to see his husband’s grin.
Danny offered up an easy smile that Steve was waiting for. “You may have told me once or twice since I got off the plane.”
“When you were gone, I called Gail the next day and she set up a virtual session. I was up here alone in our bedroom and I think I must have been talking for thirty minutes and she finally told me to breathe, and I did, and then she started to take apart what was happening in my head, and by the time we were done, I felt like the world’s biggest asshole.” Steve had to take a breath again.
“I shouldn’t have left like I did. I know that was wrong. But at the same time, I knew if I didn’t just go, you would talk me out of it like all the other times. And you’re not an asshole, you shouldn’t have felt like one. I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”
“Oh, trust me you made the right decision. And you didn’t make me feel that way, I made me feel that way. I wasn’t getting what you were trying to say to me. I keep thinking that I could have, should have, handled the ‘listen’ to my husband part a lot better.”
Danny scooted closer to Steve. “We both could have done things a lot better. You know, when the pilot told us we had to make an emergency landing and the turbulence got a little on the scary side, I kept thinking how much I had fucked up and how I didn’t give you a chance to say goodbye to any of us and all you kept saying was ‘Don’t panic.’ And part of my brain was mad at you all over again for telling me what to do. How fucked up is that?”
“Pretty fucked up. The weird thing is that I knew all of you were going to be okay. I knew that the pilot would land that plane. I knew that I wasn’t about to lose you and the boys. Everything inside of me felt that. For the first time in a long time, after all the fucked up things that I have gone through, we have gone through, I knew you wouldn’t be taken away from me. Not like that.”
“You were much calmer about it than I was.”
“I want to be a better husband, Danny, and I promise you that I will do my best to do that. Okay?”
“Me too, Babe. You know, I called Gail several times as well. She never told me that you had been talking to her. I don’t like the way I’ve been feeling inside lately and I think it all just came to the surface at once. Lesson learned, don’t keep things bottled up. I love you, and sometimes it seems like at any moment I’m going to fuck us up because I let things go too long. I’ll work on that.”
“I need you to know how great Gracie was while you guys were gone. She did her best to try to distract me from thinking about how much I was missing you and the boys. I caught her talking to Nahele a few times when they were comparing notes on how we were. Gail said that was because of how we're doing a great job raising them. When she said that, I felt so thankful for having you, all of you. You are the best thing that will ever happen to me, Danny. It broke my heart when you said I made you feel inadequate. That is the last thing I would ever want to do.”
“I know, but sometimes when you have to have things your way, that’s how I feel. I know you don’t do it on purpose or maybe don’t even realize you do it, but you do. And it’s not that I want to have the final say, but I’d like for my opinions to be considered.”
“I need you to call me out on my bullshit. By the way, I think we owe the swear jar a few hundred dollars. But I will call myself out on my bullshit too.”
“I will work on calling you out. I love you, I love what we have and I don’t want to fuck that up anymore than I already have these past couple weeks.”
“You didn’t fuck anything up. You heard Gail, this will make our relationship stronger. Better.”
“God, what would we do without her? You know, part of me thinks I was running scared.”
“Running how?”
“Getting the news from the doctor about my shoulder and the two of you forcing me off work to redo therapy. Scared me that maybe that would be the end of being a cop. I had been doing fine and then all of a sudden I wasn’t allowed to work because my arm didn’t bend as far as it used to. It pissed me off.”
“You do tend to take it to the extreme. I want you to know I don’t like that but I will support you, always.”
“I know you will, but sometimes I have a difficult time convincing myself that is true. The stupid part of my brain tells me not to believe it. I don’t know why. You’re my rock and I know that you always have my back. Did I ever tell you that I am a very complex individual?”
“What? No! Tell me more.”
“I told you a long time ago, my brain isn’t wired like everyone else's.”
“Yeah, I do remember you telling me that. I love your brain. I love you. Everything that is you. Okay?”
“Ditto. I’m glad we have learned to talk things out without Gail.”
Steve leaned in to kiss Danny and then he let Danny get more comfortable. He was relieved his husband was home.
The world was right again.