Chapter Text
Shouta was one too many drinks in tonight. He knew this because as he stood still talking to Nemuri the room around him began to spin (just a little). He was also not the type of person to get emotional (in any capacity) unless he was drunk and right now he was on the verge of having a drunken meltdown of sorts.” “You don’t understand Nemuri. It’s so fucking hard to be around him sometimes.”
“Shouta, babe. Just talk to him. You can’t keep bottling up these emotions like this. It’s unhealthy.” Had Shouta been sober, he probably would have seen the logic in her statement and agreed.
On the other hand though, if he was sober this conversation never would have happened. Shouta pulled his eyes away from Nemuri when he heard a familiar laugh from across the room.
Shouta had never expected to fall for his best friend. It wasn’t like it was love at first sight or anything, in fact, he had spent almost an entire semester avoiding Hizashi because he didn’t want to make friends. Fortunately for him though Hizashi was a persistent bastard and would not stop pestering him until Shouta gave him the time of day. From there the rest was history. The two of them got closer and realized how much their personalities complement each other and they became almost inseparable. The friendship was a welcome surprise that Shouta needed more than he thought.
Shouta wasn’t sure when his feelings for Hizashi started to change. It’s not like he fell hard and fast like in the movies. Instead, it was a gradual change, so subtle in fact that he didn’t even know until it was too late.
He only realized it after a party during their second year when he was watching his classmates play spin-the-bottle and one of his classmates kissed Hizashi. Shouta felt a pang of jealousy at this and his heart sank. He was royally fucked.
Shouta directed his gaze back toward Nemuri and gave her his best ‘I’m drunk so I’m not gonna listen to this’ stare. “That is not happening. I know he’s my best friend so of course he likes me, but he doesn’t like me like that. ”
Nemuri takes a sip of her drink and deadpans at Shouta. “Are you kidding me? Have you seen the way he looks at you Shou?”
The way he looks at him? “How he looks at me??”
“Like he’s undressing you in his mind? I guarantee you he doesn’t look at everyone like that.”
“That’s just his eyes Nemuri. Have you fucking seen them? That green is hypnotizing.” Shouta got all tingly just thinking about Hizashi looking at him with those eyes. Shouta loves Hizashi’s eyes.
“Okay, let me just recap. You are in love with him.” Shouta gives a small nod. “But you’re scared that he doesn’t feel the same way and don’t want to ruin your friendship.”
“Yep.”
“How do you know that he doesn’t like you like that?”
“Have you seen him?” He gestures over toward where Hizashi is standing. “Have you seen me?” He gestures at himself. “Why would he want me?” Shouta could not even fathom the possibility of Hizashi liking him like that. In his mind, it was so far out of the realm of possibility that it was laughable. Mister fucking Sunshine and the grouch. Truly a match made in heaven.
Nemuri looked out toward the crowd then back to him and brought her palm to her forehead, mumbling something under her breath. “As much as I love listening to you ramble on about how perfect Hizashi I gotta go. Tensei keeps looking over here and I think he needs me to help him out of a sticky situation. Duty calls.”
Nemuri leaves, waving at Shouta and he is left alone with his thoughts. He looks down into his cup, swirling his drink. Of course, Shouta has thought about telling Hizashi how he feels, but every time he is about to work up the courage anxiety comes in and shrivels up any ounce of confidence that he had.
There are so many things about Hizashi that Shouta admires, but more than anything it’s his confidence. He finds it really hot that Hizashi is so unapologetically himself. Actually, there’s a lot about Hizashi that he thinks is hot, his hair for starters. Shouta loves it when he pulls the top part away from his face and ties it back, but leaves the rest of it out. Like how he was wearing it tonight.
Shouta looked up from his drink and scanned the room. ‘Where did Hizashi go?’ Shouta swore that he just saw him. Suddenly there were hands on his shoulders and someone was leaning down putting their face next to his.
“Hey, Shou. What’re you doing over here all by yourself? You look lonely.” Shouta froze. Why did he insist on getting in Shouta’s bubble all the time? He was making it really hard not to fawn over him.
“Nemuri left to go help Tensei or something.” Hizashi came out to stand next to Shouta, looking as radiant as ever.
“Why didn’t you come find me?”
‘Because I’m in love with you and being around you when I am this intoxicated is probably not a good idea right now.’
“Because you looked like you were having fun and I didn’t wanna bother you.” Hizashi looked over at his best friend thoughtfully and threw his arm around him.
“Your presence never bothers me, Shou. I’ve told you this.” He gives Shouta’s shoulders a squeeze to emphasize his point. In response, Shouta turns his face away to hide his rising flush.
Conversation between the two of them is easy. Back-and-forth banter and conversations about memories from the past few years. It’s nice. Shouta never wants it to end. After a few minutes, Hizashi complains about his legs being tired and goes to sit down on the couch, dragging Shouta with him. There is almost no room on said couch so the two of them end up nearly sitting on top of each other. (Shouta would have preferred Hizashi offer him his lap, but ya know..)
“Shouta.”
“Hmm.” He looks at Hizashi and feels as if there is a magnet pulling them closer. But of course that’s just the alcohol. Speaking of, it’s starting to really hit him. His brain feels fuzzy and he is suddenly very glad that Hizashi dragged him to sit down on the couch with him because he knows that he would have probably ended up on the floor had he tried to stand any longer.
“I’m really glad that you chose to keep Eraserhead as your hero name.”
“Why?”
“Because I came up with it.” Hizashi smirks. “And it makes me feel good knowing that I have helped contribute to your future.”
‘You’re more than welcome to contribute more than just that to my future babe.’ Shouta thinks to himself, he looks down at his drink and brings it up to his lips to take a sip.
“Babe?” Shouta chokes on his drink. ‘Wha- Did he just call me babe?’ He directs his eyes back to Hizashi’s face and sees his mouth hanging open slightly. ‘What is he making that face for…Fuck’.
“Shouta. What do you mean by that?” Hizashi leans forward slightly looking at Shouta over the rim of his glasses. ‘Fuck, his eyes are so pretty.’ The look Hizashi gives him makes Shouta understand Nemuri’s comment about ‘undressing someone in your mind’ because he feels very exposed right now.
“I need another drink,” Shouta says matter-of-factly, pushing up from the couch. He sways as he walks and the room spins around him, but that’s fine. Anything was better than whatever hole he just dug himself into over there. There was no way that he had said that out loud. Had he actually? Holy shit. There was no coming back from this. Time to lock himself in his room forever.
“Shou!” Hizashi grabbed Shouta’s wrist and pulled him back. He bumped back into Hizashi’s chest. The firm figure behind him steadied Shouta, his heart racing. Hizashi’s breath tickled Shouta’s ear and a chill ran down his spine.
“Drink” Shouta clipped his words short, hoping that by saying the minimal amount of words he would minimize his chances of fucking up.
“I can grab one for you, go sit back down.” Hizashi’s grip on Shouta loosened and he stepped back. Shouta had been relying on Hizashi a little too heavily though and his legs buckled when the contact was lost. Hizashi stepped back up and caught him before Shouta could even react. ‘Great now I’m literally falling for him.’
Hizashi’s eyes lit up and he pulled Shouta back to an upright position, sending him on his way to the couch. When he returned he was carrying two water bottles. Shouta frowned.
“I think you’ve had enough to drink tonight Shou.” He was right of course, but the alcohol made him feel less like he was fucking up and more like it was making him fucking up.
“Hmm.”
“You never answered my question earlier when I asked what you meant.” Shit . He was hoping that Hizashi would forget about that.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Yes. Feign ignorance, great plan.
“Well, you called me babe and said that I was welcome to contribute more than just your hero name to your future.” When did they get so close to each other? Was it hot in here? “What did you mean by that Shou?” Shouta’s opened his mouth to answer but nothing came out. Fighting against his drunk urges was taking all of his mental strength.
“C’mon Shou,” Hizashi pushed some hair out of Shouta’s eyes and dragged his hand down the side of his face. “Why did you call me babe?” The smirk that graced Hizashi’s face made Shouta’s stomach turn inside out. This man had no idea what he did to Shouta and it fucking killed him. How wrong would it be of him to give in to these fantasies that he had? Shouta melted into Hizashi’s touch.
“You’re so pretty Zashi.” Shouta knew that he was probably sporting a shit-eating grin right now and he felt more and more like he should stop fighting the alcohol. It just felt so good to give in.
“Thank you,” Hizashi’s gaze flicked to Shouta’s lips and he licked his lips. “You know, I think you’re pretty too.” Shouta’s heart skipped a beat. Hizashi thought he was pretty? This vision of a man thought that he was pretty? Shouta figured that he could die happy now because what else could he want?
“I don’t think that we have the same definition of pretty because you ,” Shouta reaches up to poke Hizashi’s nose (the alcohol was definitely winning right now). “And me are not the same.”
“And what does that mean?” Hizashi stretched his hand over the back of the couch resting it just behind Shouta’s shoulders.
“It means that you are you and I am me. You’re so…” God how the fuck does he explain that he feels as though his existence pales in comparison to Hizashi’s. “Fuck, you’re just so amazing and I just like exist… I guess.” Hizashi stiffened at this comment and sat back up zeroing in on Shouta.
“You don’t actually believe that right?” Hizashi reaches forward to grab Shouta’s hands. Dipping his head so that Shouta was looking at him instead of the ground. The look on his face made Shouta’s heartache, so he turned his head away to avoid the piercing gaze. “Shou, look at me. You don’t actually think that right? You are the most remarkable person that I know.”
Hizashi’s words were nice and felt good as they weaved into Shouta’s brain. He still didn’t believe them though. But Hizashi would never lie to him. Even to spare his drunk ass. He kept his head turned away from Hizashi and looked at the large crowd dancing in the middle of the room. The song that was playing was a slower one than had previously been on and the beat soothed Shouta’s racing heartbeat.
His trance was broken by green eyes appearing in front of him. A hand reached up to his face to wipe away tears he wasn’t aware were there. Shouta felt weak.
“Shou let’s go outside.” Shouta let Hizashi lead him outside and he walked to the edge of the balcony turning to stare out at the stars. They stayed silent for a while and then Shouta decided to answer Hizashi’s earlier question, figuring that if nothing else after tonight he could avoid him if need be to keep from dying of embarrassment.
“Because I want you to be a part of my future.”
“What?” Hizashi turned his face toward Shouta and cocked his head.
“You asked earlier why I said that you could contribute more to my future and it’s because I want you to be a part of it.”
“Really?” Hizashi asked eagerly.
“I mean you’re my best friend right?” Just his best friend. “Who else would I want by my side?” Shouta fidgeted with his rings turning them around his fingers and he kept his gaze pointed at the sky.
“Oh. Of course.” Hizashi said dejectedly. “You’re my best friend too Shou.” Shouta turned his gaze upward to try and stop the tears from coming. He loved being Hizashi’s best friend more than anything in the world, but it hurt to know that that is all he would ever be. “But why did you call me babe?” Because I’m in love with you fuckhead. Shouta dropped his head onto his arms resting on the rail in front of him, sighing loudly.
“Because I’m drunk and can’t get a hold of myself. And I thought that I was saying that in my head, but apparently, I did not.”
“I see. In that case. I’m assuming you also didn’t mean to say that you were falling for me out loud when I caught you earlier.” He fucking what . Shouta wanted to crawl into a hole and die right now.
“Yeah. Those were secret thoughts.” He choked out, burying his face deeper in his arms wishing he could just melt into a puddle of nothing. Shouta decided that he was going to go sober now because he doesn’t think that he could live to see himself fuck up royally like this again.
“Shouta I am going to ask you a question and I want you to be completely honest with me.” This was it this was the end of their friendship, there was no coming back from this. “Do you have feelings for me?”
Shouta began to tear up again and took in a shaky breath. He was terrified of the future, even more so about the idea of having to take it on without Hizashi by his side. He was about to lose the greatest thing he had ever had all because he was a drunk loser who couldn’t control his mouth.
“Yes.”
Radio silence from the blond next to him. Shouta figured that he was just trying to figure out how to let him down easily and with the least amount of embarrassment on Shouta’s part, per Hizashi fashion. He bristled at the feeling of a hand on his shoulder. He felt a pull and reluctantly stood up and raised his head slowly. Hizashi was- crying? And smiling?
“Zashi-” Before Shouta could even finish his thought Hizashi’s lips were on his.
He froze for a moment trying to process what was happening before melting into the kiss and lacing his fingers through the blond’s gorgeous hair. Like everything else they did together, this felt as though it came naturally. Hizashi tilted his head to the side to deepen the kiss and Shouta leaned into him more. It was electric. Everywhere their bodies touched sent a shock straight to Shouta’s core. He had to be dreaming. Right? They broke apart after a moment and rested their foreheads against each other. Shouta’s mind was moving at a mile a minute and he was trying to catch up with whatever the fuck just happened.
“Shou, why didn’t you just tell me?”
“Had I known that you were going to do that I would have done it much sooner trust me” Hizashi laughed at this.
“Was I not making it obvious enough?” Shouta pulls away. ‘The fuck does that mean?’ The look on Shouta’s face must have given away what he was thinking because Hizashi continues, “Shou, I have been fawning over you since the day we met.”
Three years? Three fucking years? And Shouta never once picked up the hint? God, he was fucking stupid. There was absolutely no way.
“You’re joking. Zashi there is no way that you’ve been pining for three years.” Shouta is shocked, to say the least.
“You can’t be serious that you never noticed. I literally spent the entire first semester of our first year begging for your attention.”
“You’re a social butterfly! I thought you just didn’t want me to have no friends.”
“Well yeah, but I also desperately needed to get to know the mysterious guy in class because I thought he was hot.” He had to be dreaming right now. There was no way that this was actually happening. Hizashi liked him. Like liked him liked him. Holy shit. “Even tonight I was flirting with you. Did you just think I was being nice?”
“You always act like that! How was I supposed to know- oh.”
“Connecting some dots there?”
Shouta wanted to bang his head against a wall right now because he felt so fucking stupid. Hizashi’s face lit up and he let out a bubbly laugh that brought a smile to Shouta’s face. Nemuri was going to lose her mind when she caught wind of this. Hizashi finished his giggle fit and reached for Shouta again drawing him close. Shouta stepped into his arms and let his hand rest around his shoulders. Hizashi leaned in their noses brushing against each other.
This was definitely something that Shouta could get used to.