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Jack was relishing the feeling of his hand in the crook of Rayane’s arm, tight to his muscles, trusting and trusted, trying not to wonder whether it would still be able to rest there as easily when they walked back this way.
Through the fragmented but recovering images, shapes and colours coming through his damaged eyes, he could make out the beautiful blue of the sky, the dusty reds and yellows of the buildings and the grey of the street. He blinked hard, willing his body and mind to heal faster, to rediscover themselves and keep lifting the weight of the darkness that had been sitting on him for the past months. He looked down and smiled to himself as he managed to make out Rayane’s dark sleeve against what he knew to be his own lighter outfit. A person, a whole world that he’d only known in sound and scent and touch, was becoming real in front of him. A person who, moreover, might even want to be near him, want to touch him, want to kiss him. Jack could barely contain himself.
“Ok, I have to admit your message was a bit weird this morning, no?” Rayane’s voice flowed into Jack’s meditation. “I mean, a walk is nice, but why the middle of the day?” This time Jack felt rather than saw Rayane’s arm gesture around them. It had been another delicious discovery of the past few days, since his sight had begun to return, the amount that Rayane gestured and smiled and reacted to him like any other human, paying no attention to whether Jack could see him or not. “We’ve got class in like an hour.”
Jack smiled, content despite Rayane’s confusion that the news would be worth the mystery. “I just…wanted to be somewhere nice today. And I knew you’d help me out.”
“Mm,” hummed Rayane, briefly closing his eyes to feel the warmth of the sun. “I hope you’re happy with the work I do for you.”
Jack smiled again at the simple intimacy of the phrase, squeezing the arm that led him. “Very happy.”
They carried on down smaller streets, towards the sound of seagulls and distant waves, the sea breeze gradually picking up.
Jack was internally celebrating how he could almost remember the route, recognise the sights, navigate the obstacles, but he caught himself as he slowed and stepped automatically towards a crossing while Rayane carried straight on.
“Woah,” laughed Rayane, obliviously, pulling Jack back in from the road with his free arm. “Where are you going, maverick?”
Jack blushed but faked a stumble, trying to think quickly. “I…err…I just thought we should…we should be turning right at some point, right..? Towards the sea?” He left his other hand on the front of Rayane’s shirt where it had come to rest.
Rayane laughed again, clear and sweet. “The blind leading the not-blind now, is it? Your instincts are too good, you know that?”
Jack couldn’t help but laugh too. “What?”
“Well,” Rayane’s voice crept to the tone he used exclusively for mischief and Jack’s laugh became a knowing smile. “I know you said La Pointe Courte but…”
“Where were you going to take me?”
“I don’t know…under the highway or something.” Rayane giggled to himself as he pulled on Jack’s arm and they did cross the road, starting down into the grid of beautiful coloured houses. Jack could smell the salt in the air and the flowers on the windowsills.
“The highway..?”
“Yeah. Convince you that they’d paved over all the bars and make it a truck stop. I don’t know.” There were the hands again, animating Rayane in a way Jack had not even known he loved before.
“You’re such an idiot, you know that?” He dug Rayane in the ribs playfully. “I didn’t realise what a risk it was heading out with you. I’ll take my chances.” Teasingly, he pretended to reach to the side, finding the wall he knew was there, and releasing himself from Rayane’s arms. The vibrant blue of the sea came into view as he took himself around the corner.
His heart swelled as it took less than a second for Rayane’s hands to be back on him. “Woah there, aveugle. Don’t drop me like that, you’ll ruin my blind-guide rating if you walk straight into the sea.” Jack smiled, letting his hand be replaced into Rayane’s elbow, but the words were a good reminder. He considered, and had considered all the night before, making a big reveal, suddenly showing off, but no, for once this was something to do seriously, honestly, just between the two of them. At the same time as celebrating what was happening, he needed to make Rayane understand how important all he had done for him had been, and how much it was still important.
They emerged from the small street onto the seafront promenade.
“There you are then; your sea view, monsieur,” joked Rayane, raising his voice slightly to compete with the sound of the swell and the breeze.
“Thanks,” said Jack, squeezing again his arm and trying to compose his thoughts.
“Was this it or was there some other bit you wanted to go to in particular?”
“Maybe we could walk down to the end, where the light is and you can see across the lagoon?”
Jack could tell from Rayane’s voice that he was smiling with the same incomprehension as earlier but he turned and they began walking nevertheless. Jack chewed and turned over ten different sentences, ten different ways to start the actual conversation he wanted to have, imagining them each in his mind, teetering on the brink.
“I…” he started and he felt Rayane turn to look at him. Where should he put his eyes, where should he look? Should he put things in context or should he just jump straight in? Now he’d said anything the pause was unsettling him, their footsteps echoing as they walked. “I wanted to come down here be…because it’s nice and because I needed to tell you something…”
He felt Rayane’s pace slow and kept his eyes on the point the shapes of their arms joined. He wished he could see enough to know anything that was going on in Rayane’s eyes.
“I went to the hospital yesterday morning…” A tension, small but perceptible, ran through the muscles under his fingers. “To…to see the ophthalmologist.”
Rayane had come to a stop, turning towards him, still connected through a hand now resting under his forearm. “Jack…” His voice was quiet with concern and in a second Jack realised that Rayane was presuming bad news; more bad news, like all that that had come before.
Jack let out a small breath of nervousness, lifting his head to enjoy the contrast between the shape of Rayane, dark, solid, grounding, and the shimmer of light off the waves that silhouetted him.
“My eyes are healing, Rayane.”
There was a deep still silence, underscored by the noises all around them. Finally Rayane managed to whisper “What?”
Jack smiled anxiously, glancing down to the floor then trying to look at his own hand as he guided it to sit against Rayane’s hand that held his arm. “I…I’ve started to see light, and colours…and some shapes.” His heart had started to pound softly in his chest at his own words. “I’m getting my sight back.”
There was another beat of silence before Jack felt Rayane’s arm slip from his grasp. He managed one intake of breath and to try and look up into Rayane’s face before he was hit with the full force of the most powerful embrace. He laughed in relief as the breath was squeezed from him, wrapping himself back around Rayane’s shoulders before he was lifted fully from the ground.
“Jack!” Rayane’s voice was high and fizzing with happiness. He brought him back to the ground before stepping back, both hands on his shoulders, looking deep into his eyes. “You can see?”
Jack’s smile threatened to break his cheeks. He knew Rayane’s face was in front of him, could see the outline of his tight curls and the shape of his neck. He blinked hard, again fighting for any more clarity from his wounded eyes. “Not…not really. Not yet. But soon.”
Rayane’s hands stayed squeezing his shoulders. “But you can see something?” His voice was breathless with excitement.
Jack continued to smile, lifting his hand and placing it onto Rayane’s shoulder with more ease than he’d allowed himself before, almost gauging the distance correctly. “Yes, some things.”
There was a pause and when Rayane spoke, Jack could hear the weight of the thoughts that had run through his mind. “Can…can you see me?”
Jack rolled his hand from Rayane’s shoulder to his elbow. The thoughts and the touch seemed to spark something in Rayane’s mind, and he withdrew both hands from Jack’s shoulders but didn’t break their connection entirely. Jack tried to think best how to explain what he saw.
“It’s…it’s like looking through five layers of fog. There are pockets where it’s clearer, but then they move or disappear, and I can’t control them. There are patches of colour, of dark and light, different shapes…” He gestured with the hand that was still touching Rayane’s elbow, pointing behind him. “I can see what must be the sea.” Rayane twisted his head over his shoulder. Jack moved his hand, bringing it in between the two of them. “And then there’s no sea.” His hand continued across them. “And then sea again. So the not-sea must be you.”
Rayane made a small noise that Jack couldn’t place. “The not-sea is definitely me. Hi.”
Jack blushed. “Hi.”
“Wow.”
“I know.”
“This is…” The darker form in front of him moved side to side. Rayane was shaking his head.
“Can I…” said Jack, interrupting him and bringing his hand round so it was laying lightly on Rayane’s forearm, “can I just say something else?” The headshake stopped. “I’m not quite sure where I’m actually looking, but just imagine me looking at you properly right now…”
Rayane laughed. “Somehow that in itself is too strange.”
“I meant what I said before, Rayane. I can’t believe how much you’ve done for me. And I don’t know how I’m ever going to repay you.” He heard Rayane say his name again in that quiet voice that made his heart run backward, but he carried on. “Part of me can’t imagine a time when I didn’t know you, but you’ve never known me other than…this…and it’s going to be different. And…in one way, I don’t like that.” The contrast of the brightness of the sun on the waves was starting to be uncomfortable on his eyes, but Jack had to keep looking at where he knew Rayane was. He blinked hard. “I promise I am going to do everything to make sure you’re going to want to be around me even more when I might possibly theoretically be able to exist without you.”
As Jack lapsed into silence, a clock started chiming in the distance. He felt Rayane’s free hand come on top of his own and quietly press it.
“We should get going.” Jack felt his hand tucked back into the firm crook of Rayane’s elbow, as familiar as breathing. They took a few steps back down the promenade as Jack weighed up whether he’d said too much. Then Rayane’s voice came out of the sunshine to his side. “Maybe your eyes need to get a little better first, but you’ll be able to see it eventually: we’re never going to not need each other.”