Work Text:
“I thought that I've been hurt before
But no one's ever left me quite this sore
Your words cut deeper than a knife
Now I need someone to breathe me back to life”
~~
As the blade went across the clear, pale skin of his wrist, he was mesmerized. How could something so fucked up be so….perfect? The blood dripped off his wrist and onto the floor, staining the white carpet. He would have to get that cleaned up before someone saw it. It wasn’t like this a little over three months ago; this time a month ago he was happy, healthy, the sparkle in his eye could outshine the stars, but not now, not since he left. Ever since then, everything has gone to shit.
Let's rewind a bit, yes? It all started in the summer; the love, the fun, the pain and hurt.
*~*~*~*
Running was like a roller coaster; it took your breath, but it was exhilarating. Albeit, while running you have to pay attention to where you’re going or else it wouldn’t work out. That’s how Harry found himself with a bloody elbow and a very attractive man on top of him.
“You okay there, love?” The very attractive man questioned. If not for his heart being in his throat, Harry would have been able to do more than just nod. He must have looked like a deer caught in headlights because the man chuckled, getting off of him and helping him up. Harry dusted himself off, now noticing the blood the was dripping down his arm. “You’re sure you’re okay?” He was questioned again.
“Yeah. Yeah, thanks.” Harry mumbled. Was this actually happening? Was he really talking to, by far, the most attractive man he had ever set eyes on? Or was this all a dream? A figment of his imagination?
“At least let me take you back to my place? To clean up your elbow?” Was this his way of asking him out? Because he wasn’t about to say no.
“That-that would be great.” The eye crinkling smile that the very attractive man shot at Harry was enough send his heart plummeting and he knew he was a goner.
“I’m Nick by the way.” Nick stuck his hand out, offering it to Harry to shake.
“Harry.” He smiled, shaking Nick’s hand.
~*~*~*
That’s how it all started. Harry knew from that moment, Nick had him wrapped around his finger without even knowing it. That’s how he ended up to be where he was. The scarred skin, the broken heart, the burning eyes from all the tears and restless nights.
He heard him before he saw him. His best friend, Niall, walking up the steps. Then there was a knock. “Hazza. Can you come out?” He had to have an idea that when the door is locked, that means the person obviously doesn’t want to come out, right? “Please. I really need to talk to you.” Obviously not.
Sighing, Harry cleaned up his wrist, flushing the bloody tissue down the toilet. “Yes, Ni?” Was the initial question while opening his bedroom door. All he really wanted to do was lay in bed and maybe sleep away the next month or two; maybe even the pain, that still lingered, would go away.
Niall looked up at him, sympathy shining in his eyes; Harry didn’t want that. He wanted everything to go back to normal; back to when he was smiling and happy. “Do you want to hang out? Just us two? We can watch movies and binge on cookie dough ice cream.” And okay. That sounded like a brilliant idea, the reason he smiled a genuine smile for the first time in over a month.
“I’d love that, Ni.”
They say that love is dangerous, but that wasn’t how Harry saw it. He saw it as an opportunity to experience something magical. Sometimes he thinks if that was why he fell so hard, so fast, that he didn’t think about the pain. Because, let’s be honest, what if they broke up? What if when Harry told Nick how he felt, and he didn’t return the feelings? He wouldn’t be able to handle that, but that wasn’t how it turned out, some would say it turned out worse, but Harry saw it as……tough love?
~*~*~*
Just like a moth drawn to a flame
Oh, you lured me in, I couldn't sense the pain
Your bitter heart cold to the touch
Now I'm gonna reap what I sow
I'm left seeing red on my own
~~
There was going to be a hole in the floor by the time Harry was done. He was sure of it. What if it was too early? Would he leave? Or would he just not say it back? He wasn’t sure and now he’s kind of wanting to back out. To be fair, they had been dating for 10 months. That’s not too early, right? The whirling thoughts in his head had him going dizzy. Nick was understanding and he wouldn’t leave Harry. The front door opened before Harry could contradict himself any further.
“Harry, babe, are you in here?” Nick’s voice rang out. Taking a deep breath Harry responded.
“Yeah, in here.” He called from the kitchen. The food was done and everything set, now all he had to do was wait for Nick to come in. Nick walked into the kitchen, taking a look around while sniffing the air.
“Smells great in here. What’s the occasion, love?” Crossing the kitchen to where Harry was, Nick wrapped his arms around Harry. He kissed his cheek, patting the top of his head as he went to the refrigerator and grabbed a beer. It seemed to Harry that that was all Nick did. He would come to Harry’s place, give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and then go and get a beer. Usually he would stay for a bit, cuddle while watching a movie or reruns of their favorite show. But now, he would come to Harry’s when Harry made dinner, ate and left with a goodbye and a peck on his forehead.
“Nothing,” he tried to smile, but he could tell it was more of a grimace, “just wanted to do something special for you. I actually wanted to tell you something, but not now.”
“Is it bad?”
“No.” It was a snap. He didn’t mean for it to come out like that, but it did and now he regrets it. The way Nick’s eyes flared and his hands formed fists; Harry knew it wasn’t good. Now, Nick had never hit him before, never touched him when he didn’t want to be touched; he cared for Harry, never wanted to hurt him, but looking at him now, it seemed as though Nick wanted to skin him alive.
That was the first time Nick had ever hit him.
~*~*~
Harry never had a hard time finding a boyfriend. Everyone, in a sense, wanted him as something more or just someone to toy with. Either way, Harry didn’t mind. He always went head first into things. That’s how he ended up in this position. He wanted to forget about Nick, get his touch, his smell, everything that associated with him to vanish. Thus leading up to him being led home by the hand with a slightly tipsy, but very curvy man.
“We’re going back to yours, yeah?” Harry asked. He would go back to his, but Niall was there and he didn’t want to be rude.
“If that’s where you want to go, love.” And okay. Maybe Harry blushed, but it was dark and he was sure the man, Louis, wouldn’t notice.
They laughed the rest of the way to Louis’ place, giggling like little schoolgirls. The place was nice, wide lobby, elevators with mirrors as the walls and, for a second, Harry found himself wondering how much money Louis had, but was brought out of his thoughts by someone sucking on his neck. A little moan came from the back of his throat as Louis left hickey after hickey on his neck.
“Fuck. You’re so pretty baby.” As the elevators dinged open, Harry was dragged to Louis’ bedroom, the door being locked behind him as Louis came towards him. “Now, lets hear some more of those pretty little moans, yeah?”
~*~*~*
Harry woke to the smell of pancakes and bacon, his head pounding as he took in his surroundings. Queen size bed, silk sheets, a flat screen mounted on the wall. Who had he met last night? His question was answered as the door was pushed open, Louis walking in with two plates of food and two cups of coffee.
“Mornin’ sleepy head, brought some breakfast and pain pills ‘cause if my head was pounding, yours is definitely pounding,” he chuckled, walking over and placing the food on the side table before handing Harry the pills. “How did you sleep? You’re quite the cuddler.” The smile was fond, like they knew each other for years.
Harry couldn’t do this. He had to get out, what if he did what he did with Nick? Let himself get trapped? He knew this was a bad idea, but his legs wouldn’t go with his mind and let him leave. It seemed as though his heart was allowing him to leave either. Louis had made him breakfast for God’s sake!
“Good, you’re warm and your bed is really comfy.” Harry replied, he took the coffee and pain pills from Louis and swallowed them, moving onto his pancakes after. Louis scooted up the bed, grabbing his own plate and smothering his pancakes with syrup.
“Yeah it is, took me ages to pick it out; in the end I ended up bringing my little sister to help me pick, jumped on it for a good hour after I bought it.” He shook his head, laughing lightly at the memory.
“How old’s your sister?” And so it went on. The asked questions and talked like they knew each other for years. Harry couldn’t remember a time where him and Nick had ever talked like this.
~*~*~*
You watch me bleed until I can't breathe
Shaking, falling onto my knees
I'll be needing stitches
Tripping over myself,
Aching, begging you to come help
I'll be needing stitches
~~
It was just meant to be a simple question, but it turned into a screaming match. Nick seemed to yelling the loudest, saying the meanest things.
“You’re honestly so stupid! Who could love you? You’re worthless, ugly, fat and God Harry! What is your hair? You need to fix that shit up! You wonder why I never want to go out in public with you? Who would want to be seen with you when your hair looks like that? The only good thing is your eyes! You know I’m only with you because I feel bad, right? I don’t love you, why do you think I haven’t said it yet?”
He wouldn’t stop, he kept going and all the shit he was saying was just one more tear to Harry’s already torn heart. He didn’t even try to stop the tears and this time when Nick went to punch him in the gut, he didn’t flinch. He didn’t flinch when he was slapped, kicked, spat at. You see, Harry had found that when in this predicament you just go blank. If you don’t think of the pain, you won’t feel the pain. It always ended the same: Nick walking out and Harry slowly, sorely walking (more like limping) to the bathroom to clean himself up and then collapsing in bed for a restless sleep.
~*~*~*
Harry and Louis exchanged numbers. Harry knew that it was only supposed to be a one night stand, but he and Louis just clicked. They had talked on the phone and sent multiple texts over the span of the last month and Harry could feel himself slipping, not yet falling but almost. They were currently texting, Harry checking his phone in between customers.
Lou: do u think we could hang 2day?
Hazza: sure… do u have any place u wanna go?
Lou: my place? we could order pizza and watch a film?
Hazza: will there be cuddling?
Lou: course darling, anything for you <3
Harry did not blush. He didn’t
Hazza: you’re sweet. maybe too sweet, r u planning to kill me ?
Lou: damn! u figured it out. tht’s wht ive been planning all along.
Hazza: i knew it!
And so it continued; the teasing, the pet names, it all seemed…..too good to be true, but Harry wasn’t going to question it. His day at work finished and before he knew it, he was curled up against Louis’ side, eating take out while Cry Baby played.
Everything was going good until suddenly…...it wasn’t.
~*~*~*
“I’m aching begging you to come help
And now that I’m without you kisses
I’ll be needing stitches.”
~~
It happened when Harry was on a date with Louis. They had been walking hand and hand through the park when Harry spotted the familiar face. He froze in his spot, his blood running cold; why was he back here?
“Harry, babe, you okay?” Louis asked, concern clear in his voice. This couldn’t be happening, Harry thought.
“C-Can we just go h-home?” Harry’s voice trembled as he spoke and as he made eye contact with Nick, Harry began to tremble.
“Harry, seriously, what is the matter? Are you hurt? Do you need to go to the hospital? Baby plea-.” Louis was cut off as the devil himself walked over.
“Oh, Harry! Long time no see, my love! How’ve you been? See you’ve been keeping yourself busy while I was away.” The smirk on his face was familiar and Harry found himself cowering behind Louis.
“My love? Who the fuck are you? Harry do you have a boyfriend?” His tone was fierce; Harry dropped Louis’ hand.
“N-No! We aren’t d-dating. We used to date and then I left him.” His trembling got worse as he saw Nick’s eyes flare up; he was dead.
“C’mon Hazza, don’t act like we weren’t still dating when I went on my business trip. Just admit to the nice man what a slut you really are; I’m sure he would love to hear the truth.” And shit. There was no way Harry was getting out of this one.
“Yeah, Hazza, tell me what he means.” Louis spat.
“No, Lou, we aren’t dating anymore! W-We broke up four months ago, a week before I m-met you! I-I swear Louis, I wouldn’t be with you if I was still with him. You know that.” At least… Harry thought Louis knew that.
Louis looked at Harry, judgement clear in his eyes. Who was he to believe? Harry? Or this guy, Nick, that claimed to be dating Harry? As he looked at Harry, he saw fear in his eyes, but when he looked at Nick, he saw….sincerity? Could it be true that Harry was dating him? As Harry let out a little, weak “please Lou,” Louis knew he needed time.
“I...I need time. I don’t think I can deal with this right now. I...I’ll call you later, okay Harry?” And fuck. No. This couldn’t be happening, Harry needed Louis. Nick was going to beat the shit out of him; he just knew it.
“Louis. Louis, wait! Please!” Harry knew he was done for when he went to run after Louis, but couldn’t because of the vice-like grip on his wrist; there would be a bruise tomorrow.
“Nu-uh, you’re not going anywhere. You’re mine; you always were.” Then came the first blow; a slap to his cheek. “How could you just gallivant around like a little slut? Huh?” After that came hit after hit. It was like Nick was relentless.
“Nick, please.” Harry tried to block them. He really did, but Nick was bigger and stronger and Harry found himself falling to the ground.
A kick to the stomach, punch after punch after punch went to his face and Harry knew he would have some serious cleaning up after this. That is, if he survived this. Of course they had to go to the park at night, when no one was around; no one could help him.
“Maybe next time, you’ll think about going to someone new.” And with that Nick kicked Harry in the head, making everything go black.
~*~*~*
The next time Harry woke, he was in the hospital. The only way he knew this was because of the constant beeping. He pressed the red call button to alert the nurses that he had woke up, letting out a groan when he tried to shift himself in the bed. How much damage has Nick done? He wondered.
“Glad to see you’re awake, Mr. Styles!” The doctor exclaimed. “How are you feeling?”
“Sore. Tired. How long was I out?” His voice was hoarse from lack of use.
“You were out for about 25 hours. You were found unconscious in a park. Want to explain how that happened?” The doctor questioned.
“No, not really, but I have a feeling you’re not going to take no for an answer. My ex-boyfriend was abusive; I left him, found someone else, he found me and beat the shit out of me after he told the guy I was with that he was my boyfriend. End of story.” It came out mumbled and rushed, but the doctor got it.
“Okay, since you were kicked in the head, the police have been called and they will be here in about two minutes, ok?” Harry nodded and like he said, there was a knock on the door.
“Mr. Styles, this is Officer Payne and Officer Malik. They will be handling your case.” Harry nodded, looking up when the doctor walked out and his eyes wide.
“Harry? What are you doing here? What happened to you?!” Liam practically yelled, taking three big steps to Harry’s bed.
“Well, I was beat up by Nick because he’s a jealous dick. He saw me with Louis in the park on our date and decided he wanted me for himself and told Louis I was a hoe, basically. Louis believed him and left me alone with him and here I am.” Harry finished, tears glistening in his eyes. He just couldn’t believe this happened. Why did Louis believe Nick so quick? Did Louis really love him?
“Shit Harry. Does Niall or Louis know you’re in here?” Liam questioned. Harry shook his head, his bottom lip wobbling from holding back tears.
“N-no. Louis hates me and I didn’t want to be a bother to Niall.” He answered.
“Harry, you know you are never a bother to Niall. Or me for that matter, you’re family to us, you know that.” Liam answered.
“Yeah, Haz. You know I care about you too.” Zayn said, taking a seat beside Harry. Harry nodded, wringing his hands together.
“I just….I love him so much y’know? And now since one person says something, he decides to leave me. I just don’t know what to do, how to feel. I mean….obviously I’m angry and upset, but…. I don’t know!” Harry sobbed out. He was so stressed, he didn’t know what to do, what to say, hell, he doesn’t even know what he did to end up in this situation!
“Harry, babe, you have to keep yourself calm okay? Zayn and I, we’ll go and we’ll find Nick and he’ll be put in jail. He won’t bother you anymore. Okay?” Liam asked gently; Harry nodded. “Okay. I’m going to call Ni, he needs to be here with you okay?” Harry nodded again and with that Liam and Zayn walked out of the door, promising to be back when their shifts were over.
~*~*~*
Harry didn’t think he would end up in this situation again, but here he was, sitting on the bathroom floor as blood dripped onto the carpet below. He was just starting to get better and this had to happen! He should have listened to Nick all those times when he said that he was worthless. With no one around to stop him, Harry thought about actually killing himself like he did all those months ago. But, who would find him? Would Niall? Or Liam? Zayn? Maybe even Louis? He doubted Louis would ever talk to him again, let alone come to his house.
Dragging the blade across his skin one more time, Harry cleaned up the blade, his wrist and then the floor. Nobody needed to know what was going on. Maybe, Harry thought, I should trying calling Louis? Of course he knew he wouldn’t answer, but a boy can dream right? So, with shaky hands and a clouded mind, Harry picked up his phone and clicked on Louis’ contact, hitting the call button. It rang once, twice, three times and then-.
“Hello?” And okay that was not Louis’ voice.
“Uh, hi. Is-Is Louis there?” Harry asked, throat clogging up at the thought of Louis already finding someone new.
“No…. I’m afraid he isn’t. Can I take a message?” She asked politely, and fuck. Why did Harry think this was a good idea?
“Um, yeah, uh, could you tell him that Harry called? And, um, also that I need to tell him something?”
“Of course. I’ll have him call you when he gets back in. I’m Jay, by the way, Louis’ mum.” And okay Harry can breathe again, Louis didn’t find someone else. Great!
“O-oh! Hi, it’s nice to finally be able to talk to you.” Harry said.
“You too Harry! I have to go now, the baby needs to be fed. I’ll tell Louis you called. Bye Harry!” Jay said.
“Bye.” Harry said. Now the question is, will Louis really call him back?
~*~*~*
Three weeks. It's been three weeks since Louis’ mom answered his phone. Three weeks since countless calls and texts went unanswered; three weeks since Louis didn’t return his call.
Now that all of Harry’s injuries were healed, except the bruises that were still on his face, he was finally able to go back to work. It wasn’t until he was back there that he saw Louis. Of course Harry had to fill in for a missing waiter that day. The restaurant was crowded that day and everyone had to do double the work they usually did, so when Harry was told to go to the table that had all the littles kids, he was less than pleased. Plus, it had to be even worse because, at said table, sat Louis, Liam, Niall, two of Niall’s little cousins, three of Liam’s little cousins, plus his niece and nephew. Walking up to the table, Harry took a deep breath.
“Hi! How may I help you?” He asked cheerfully, not looking up from his little note pad.
“Harry? I didn’t know you were working today.” Harry wanted to hide in a hole.
“Heh, yeah. Anyway, what can I get for you guys?”
“Harry, what happened to your face?” Damn, of course Louis had to be the one to ask this question.
“Um. Um, I fell down the steps the other day.” Lie.
“Bullshit. You don’t get that from falling down the steps, tell me what happened.”
Louis! You can’t curse around them. If they repeat any of it, I’m blaming you.” Niall stated.
“Yeah, yeah. Now tell me what really happened to you.” Louis looked Harry straight in the eye.
“You really want to know? I got beat up the night of our ‘date’, when you decided to leave. You left me there with him when I told you I wasn’t dating him! I told you and you didn’t believe me. You chose to believe someone that wasn't your boyfriend, so he beat the shit out of me. Just like he did all those other times. You didn’t care enough then, so you don’t get to care now. I have a job to do, so, what would you and the kids like?” Harry turned to face Liam and Niall. After being told everyone’s order, Harry went to the back, taking deep shaky breaths.
He couldn’t believe this. The nerve of him to ask that! He could have easily prevented it! All he had to do was trust Harry and he couldn’t even do that.
After getting the drinks that were ordered, Harry took them to the table, setting them in front of the person who ordered them.
“Your food will be out shortly.” Harry muttered, turning to tend to his other tables.
“Harry, wait!” And then there was a hand on his wrist.
“No! No. I called, you didn’t call me back. I told you the truth about Nick and I and you didn’t listen. You didn’t trust me, you left me there when I pleaded for you to stay. I’m done waiting for you.” And with that, he walked off. He didn’t take their orders to their table.
~*~*~*
He’d been crying for about an hour. He thought Louis would fight for him! Fight for them. But he didn’t, he wasn’t going to.
“Harry, please. It’s been three weeks. I know you love him, I know, but you can’t keep sulking like this. I love you, but get your ass out of this bed.” And okay. It may have been three weeks, but Niall wouldn’t know how to deal with this.
“I don’t want to.” And it seemed, that settled that because Niall left. That thought only made him cry more. Did he friends really not care? He felt the bed dip again and okay he feels a little better. Maybe his friends did care. “I’m sorry, Nia-.” That’s not Niall.
“Hi.” His voice was a little hoarse, eyes bloodshot and puffy. Was he feeling the same pain as Harry? “I know you don’t really want to talk to me, and you don’t have to, just listen okay?” Harry nodded. Taking a deep breath, Louis starts. “I know I should have believed you when you said you weren’t dating him, but I was cheated on before and I couldn’t let it happen again. So I left. But then Liam came to my door, yelled at me for being such a prick and then slapped me. I realized then how bad I had fucked up. The day after, my mum told me you called. I was going to call, I swear, but then I chickened out. I saw you at the diner and Harry I never knew he abused you. I never knew he would lay a hand on you if I left, if I had known, I wouldn’t have left. I understand if you never want to talk to me again, I swear I will… I just. I had to get that off my chest. I love you, I really do.” And with that, he gets up, ready to leave. He gets two houses down when he heard feet pounding against the ground.
“Wait! Louis, wait!” Next thing he knows, there a body colliding with his and he’s on the ground with hair in his face. “I love you too. So much.” And with that they’re kissing, no tongue, just a press of their lips.
“I’m so sorry. So so sorry.” Louis said against Harry’s lips.
And maybe Harry needed stitches, they may not have been physical, but he needed them and maybe Louis was his needle and thread because now he doesn’t feel as broken. He doesn’t feel like a teddy bear that has been torn at the edges. He feels whole and that’s because Louis was his needle and thread when he needed stitches.