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It was a normal weekday. Gwen was at school and Kevin didn't have anything better to do, so they sat in Ben's room, watching Sumo Slammer reruns in silence, only occasionally broken by Ben laughing at something happening in the show. He alternated between sitting with his legs crossed, leaning forward with his his hands on his thighs, with leaning casually back against the pillows, feet resting flat on the bed. He ate from a bowl of popcorn occasionally, more because it was there than because he was hungry. Kevin sat in the desk chair, leaning back with his arms across his chest, lost in thought. Ben occasionally offered him the bowl of popcorn without looking and Kevin would take a handful, also without looking. The house was quiet otherwise, Carl at work at his landscaping company and Sandra out visiting with friends.
After a few hours the Sumo Slammers reruns ended and another cartoon, one far less interesting, began, and Ben opted to stare into space instead of watch it. Even as a kid, he never had much interest in cartoons besides Sumo Slammers and the occasional superhero show.
"I'm bored," Kevin finally said aloud after an hour passed with neither of them moving or speaking.
"Okay. What do you want me to do about it?" Ben asked, blinking for the first time in an embarrassingly long while. He looked over at Kevin.
"I don't know. Figure out something we can do? Shouldn't be hard, stuff always happens when you're around," Kevin replied, shrugging.
"How do you know it's not because you're around?" Ben asked, one eyebrow raised.
"Yeah, right. What about when we were kids and you weren't around, huh? I didn't have anything going on until you showed up. Nah man, it's all on you."
Ben opened his mouth to reply and then paused. "Fair enough," he said, shrugging, and Kevin grinned. "I still don't know what you want me to do, though."
"C'mon, you can't think of anything for us to do?" Kevin prodded, one eyebrow raised. Ben could think of a few things he would like to do, but none that they would most likely be doing together, at least not right then. He blushed and tried to cover it up with a shrug.
"Uh... we could play a board game?" he volunteered. "Maybe cards?"
"Pass. I would destroy you at cards so quickly it wouldn't even be worth the effort."
"Yeah, right, I totally believe that," he replied, rolling his eyes. "Okay, um, we could... uh..." Ben blanked. Kevin didn't want to play a board game and Ben didn't want to leave the house. What else was there to do at home when you don't want to watch TV? Dig a hole in the backyard? Dance competition? Bake a cake? "We could... have a deep talk about our feelings?" he offered awkwardly. He didn't really want to do it, but if Kevin did, then maybe it was time for their biannual feelings talk. Kevin frowned, offput.
"No thanks. What else?"
Ben threw his hands up in the air and fell back on his pillows. Staring at the ceiling, he said, "I don't know. There's nothing to do. We could ask each other questions or whatever, I guess." Kevin leaned forward in his chair.
"About what?" he asked, curious. Ben looked over at him, surprised. He hadn't thought Kevin would actually be interested.
"About anything, I guess. Whatever you want," he replied, shrugging.
Kevin hummed thoughtfully, then stood up, walked over to the bed, and sat down on the side of the foot of it, scooting backwards until his back hit the wall, his feet dangling over the end. "Anything I want, huh?" he asked, rubbing his chin. Ben frowned at him, brow furrowed warily.
"Why do I feel like you're too excited?" he asked suspiciously.
"Because you're stupid," Kevin replied immediately. "Okay, I'll go first. Uh... what's your favorite car?"
"Mine, I guess. Second is yours," Ben replied, barely pausing to think. Of course his car would be his favorite; it was literally HIS car. Kevin custom built it for him. Nothing else could compare. Also, he didn't really know the different models of cars or anything about them, despite the fact Kevin was always pointing them out to him and talking about them. "Okay, my turn. What... ugh, what's your favorite car?" he asked. He couldn't think of anything to ask.
"My car. Duh. But the Tetramands build a nice engine, so almost any car with it is guaranteed to be good. I am a fan of the Ambergorian threshermobile, though, they're works of art, take years to complete. Oh, and I also like the Gaztronic Veracoupa, they're some of the most durable cars in the galaxy." He paused when he noticed Ben staring blankly at him, bored, and sighed. "Okay... What's your favorite book? Real books, not Sumo Slammers books," he said, shifting slightly so he could better face Ben.
"That's not fair. The 1986 Sumo Slammers Official Compendium is a work of art," Ben complained, but Kevin just shrugged, challenging him. "Fine. I guess... I liked the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy when I read it a few years ago. I was, like, 14 and I wanted to see how it compared to real life."
"And? How was it?" Kevin asked.
"It was fine. Got some stuff right, some stuff wrong. Book was good in spite of the wrong stuff, but I guess if you want realistic science fiction you probably shouldn't read Earth books. Anyway, um... What's your favorite Sumo Slammers episode?" Ben asked. Kevin rolled his eyes.
"Seriously, you couldn't come up with anything better?" Kevin asked, rolling his eyes. "Don't even want to know what MY favorite book is?"
"I didn't think you could read anything more advanced than The Little Engine That Could," Ben defended himself, smiling teasingly. "Anyway, I'm counting that as your next question so I get to ask you another question after this. Now answer the first question."
"Aww, come on, I totally read the Captain Underpants books," Kevin replied, grinning. Ben rolled his eyes. "Fine, whatever. I don't know, I like the one where Kenko killed Ishiyama, but then Ishiyama came back to life after the ghosts of his family and friends gave him a pep talk, or whatever."
"What? Ishiyama didn't die. He was sent to The Dark Realm," Ben replied, confused.
"Yeah, okay, so he was sent to "The Dark Realm", a place in a void outside of space and time, where he couldn't see or touch or feel anything and was completely alone, and he saw his life flash before his eyes, but he definitely wasn't actually dead? Come on, be real. Next question."
Ben wanted to argue further, but he decided to let it go. Trying to explain the differences in the canon continuity between the original Japanese, wherein Kenko truly had died, and the censored American dub, where he was sent to The Dark Realm, and which was the version they had been watching and which Kevin was likely drawing his opinion from, was going to be pointless anyway, especially since Kevin didn't seem interested at the moment. "Fine. Okay... what's your favorite color?"
Kevin picked at a loose thread on Ben's comforter, suddenly not meeting his eyes. "Dunno. Blue, I guess."
"Why'd you paint your car green, then?" Ben asked, surprised.
Kevin shrugged and his face noticeably grew red, all the way to the tips of his ears. "The green paint was cheaper," he mumbled.
"Huh," Ben said, taking a sip of his drink. He felt a little embarrassed for some reason, like he asked something too personal. "Your turn, dude."
Kevin looked back up at him, surprised, like he forgot they were playing a game, and then cleared his throat. "Right. Okay, uh... was Julie your first girlfriend? Or, uh, kiss?"
Ben hummed. "First girlfriend, no. I dated a girl when I was 12 for, like, a week. Missy Fortune. She had long black hair and braces and was always wearing something purple because it was her favorite color. Anyway, we broke up during lunch one day because I slipped on a puddle and ran into her, and then she fell and broke her leg. She still let me sign her cast, though." He took another sip of his drink, wishing it was a smoothie but not wanting to go out and buy one or make his own. "But, yeah, Julie was my first kiss. Was... Gwen your first kiss?"
"Nah," Kevin replied, exhaling through his nose. "That was Argit, actually. Okay, uh what's-"
"ARGIT?" Ben interrupted, surprised. "Seriously? You guys kissed?"
Kevin smirked. "What, jealous?" he asked, and Ben blushed.
"Of course not," he replied quickly. "I just didn't expect it, that's all. I figured he would stab anybody before he ever thought of kissing them. Was he trying to trick you or something?"
"I'm counting that as your question so now it's my turn to ask two questions. Anyway, no... I mean, not for that kiss, anyway. Some of the later ones, but not that one. Okay, um... if you could do anything you want right now, what would you do?"
"I'd keep asking you about Argit," Ben replied immediately, deadpan.
"Dude, seriously? Why is that so weird to you?" Kevin asked, exasperated. He rolled his eyes.
"Because it's Argit. Y'know, the guy who's stabbed you in the back a million times? Would sell his mom for a single chip? Just hard to imagine you wanting to kiss him. Or him wanting to kiss you. Or him wanting to kiss anybody." Ben shrugged helplessly.
"He got a good price for his mom," Kevin replied, frowning. "Anyway, it was a few years ago. We had just pulled off a successful heist and he was so excited, he kissed me. Not a big deal."
"Did you... like it?" Ben asked, swallowing. It was embarrassing, talking about this with Kevin. It felt like he was talking to his boyfriend about his exes. The thought made him flush, and he quickly shook his head. Kevin paid him no mind.
"I mean... yeah? I liked Argit. Still do. He was the first guy I dated and we still kind of have a thing going on now, at least whenever he isn't trying to backstab me. So I was happy he kissed me," Kevin replied, shrugging. He was slightly pink, looking away from Ben.
"Seriously, dude? Even now? After all the shit he's done to you?" Ben asked, mouth gaping. Kevin looked over at him then, his face unreadable.
"I've liked guys who've done worse for less reason," he replied simply, and it was Ben's turn to look away, as though he were just scolded. That would've been ridiculous, though; it's not like Kevin was talking about Ben specifically. That would've meant he had, or had had at some point, a crush on him, and that was insane.
"Anyway, it's still my turn, right? Okay, so what about you? You and Julie broke up a while back. Do you have a crush on anybody now?" Kevin asked, shifting again to face Ben more fully. He sat cross legged on the bed, and Ben should've told him to at least take off his boots, but he didn't, instead humming thoughtfully.
Did he have a crush on anybody? Ever since his identity was revealed and he dropped out of school, he didn't hang out with anybody besides Gwen and Kevin, and he obviously didn't have a crush on Gwen. But Kevin...
Kevin was always there for him. He was always ready to help Ben out, be it with a mission or talking him down from a nightmare or even something simple like going for a drive together. He was constantly proving and reiterating how much he had changed since they were kids, how much he cared about and was loyal to Ben, even constantly calling Ben his best friend. Even after his most recent mutation, when Ben genuinely planned to murder him, Kevin forgave him. He was so trusting and had so much love in his heart, it was infuriating and also heartwarming. Infuriating, because he kept getting hurt because of it, and heartwarming because, well, in spite of everything the universe threw at him, in spite of everything Ben threw at him, he never broke. It was admirable.
Plus, and this was the most embarrassing part to admit, he was really handsome. It was a superficial and shallow reason to like him, but it was the truth. Especially in recent months, with his hair having grown longer than he usually let it grow, and his body having filled out more thanks to eating properly recently rather than sporadically, like he had before joining up with Gwen and Ben. He was practically statuesque, like a marble carving brought to life.
"Uh... pass?" Ben asked, face red, absently scratching his arm. He told himself that he should've lied, but it was too late for that now.
Kevin laughed. "What? What, no, come on, you can't pass. Who is it?"
"I think it's my turn," Ben replied quickly, changing topics. "What about you? You and Gwen broke up months ago, right? Do you have somebody new you like?" Kevin looked at him appraisingly, smiling like he had a secret.
"Yeah, I do," he replied after a lengthy pause, watching Ben.
"Oh, yeah?" Ben asked, and his heart jolted in his chest. "Who?"
"You tell me first," Kevin insisted, scooting forward a little. His knees bumped Ben's. "I asked you first."
"It's my turn, right?" Ben asked, clearing his throat. "Okay, uh, what's your favorite number? Is it eleven?"
"It's ten," Kevin replied, one eyebrow raised.
"Great! Awesome number, love to hear it. It, uh, it's your turn. To ask me a question now. Like what my favorite animal is, or what the most embarrassing thing I did in middle school was, or-"
"Yeah, alright, so who's your crush?" Kevin asked, smiling, and one of his canines poked out over his lip as he smiled. Ben was obsessed with it. He wanted to kiss it.
"Come on, you can think of a better question than that! Like, ask me what my top ten smoothie flavors are, or what I thought I would be as an adult when I grew up, or whether I'd-"
"I lied earlier," Kevin said, cutting Ben off. He leaned forward, invading Ben's personal space. His eyes were large and dark, drawing Ben in. The smell of gasoline and motor oil and Irish Spring soap drifted lazily off of him. "Green is my favorite color. And ten is my favorite number. And you-"
"Are out of popcorn! Yup, you're right! I better go get some more, be back in a jiffy! Don't wait for me, just stay here, or, uh, whatever!" Ben suddenly said, all but flying out of bed, grabbing the empty bowl and rushing out of his room.
Out in the hall, it was easier to calm down and breathe. It was easier yet to breathe farther away, standing in the middle of the kitchen. The microwave hummed as it popped a new bag of popcorn, but Ben didn't hear it. He was standing at the sink, splashing cold water on his face. He briefly thought about running his entire head under the faucet, but decided that it would be too hard to explain why his hair was wet without telling the truth, so he refrained.
He thought about what was happening right before he left as he dried his face on some paper towels. It wasn't his imagination, right? He could sometimes be oblivious and other times outright delusional, but this wasn't that, right? Kevin's favorite color was green, the same color as his car. And his favorite number was ten. And he was looking at Ben so intensely, and he was going to say something, and- Ben buried his face in his hands, blushing all over again.
It had to be a joke. Not that Ben wanted it to be a joke, but because it didn't make any sense otherwise. Why would Kevin like him? No matter how hard he thought, he couldn't think of a reason. Instead, his mind supplied multiple reasons why Kevin should hate him instead. The first reason was because Ben threw him in the Null Void when he was eleven, effectively ruining and ending his childhood. There was also the fact that it was due to the Omnitrix that Kevin mutated and lost his mind TWICE. And, of course, the most recent reason was the fact that Ben had quite literally tried to KILL KEVIN. It just... didn't make any sense why he would like Ben. He didn't have any reason to. Hell, he was better off with Argit and whatever they had going on, than he was with Ben.
The microwave dinged, signaling that the popcorn was finished, and Ben jumped, shocked out of his reverie. He slowly, painstakingly pulled the bag out and opened it, nearly dropping it from the heat as it burned his hands. Realizing then that his one task being done meant he would have to go back to his room, back to Kevin and whatever awaited him, he decided to busy himself with making up a small snack platter. He dumped the popcorn out onto a tray, then grabbed food completely at random and added it to the tray mostly junk food from his own personal collection that his mom didn't know about, just to kill a little more time. After piling on a hefty assortment of snacks, the spread now hopelessly disorganized and chaotic, he walked back to the fridge to see what else he could add that would either vastly improve it or just completely wreck it, and noticed a jar of pickles. He pulled it out, staring thoughtfully at it; he hadn't had any pickles since Big Chill had its babies, mostly out of an abundance of superstition; although he knew the pickles had no part in it, he still imagined eating them would lead to him giving birth shortly thereafter, and despite the ridiculous notion, he still kept it up. But maybe he could have just one-
"You pregnant again?" Kevin joked. Ben gasped and spun around, nearly dropping the jar in his surprise. Kevin was standing behind him, casually leaning against the counter and smirking, arms crossed over his chest.
"Of course not!" he replied immediately, blushing bright red and hastily shoving the jar back into the fridge. "You know Azmuth fixed that." Kevin laughed. "Anyway, what're you doing out here?"
"I came to see what was taking so long. I figured you must've gotten kidnapped or something," he replied with a shrug. "Sadly, I guess I'll just have to keep wishing."
Ben laughed. "Yeah, maybe if you're a good boy then Santa will whisk me away this year," he replied. Kevin grinned.
"Man, that's the best reason to be a good guy I've heard yet. I knew there was a reason I kept you around, Tennyson," he laughed. Ben's chest warmed just a bit and he rolled his eyes.
"What, my sparkling personality, good looks, and undeniable charm weren't enough?"
"Nope, but your modesty makes up for it. Anyway, what's all this food for? You gonna throw a party?" Kevin asked, one eyebrow raised. He stepped forward and stopped next to Ben, grabbing a handful of popcorn and tossing it in his mouth. "I better be invited," he said, spraying some chewed kernels onto Ben.
"Yeah, I bet you're real popular at parties," Ben replied, frowning as he wiped himself off. "Anyway, you can head back to my room if you want, I'm almost done out here."
"If I didn't know any better, I would think you were trying to get rid of me," Kevin said, mock heartbreak in his voice.
"Yeah?" Ben asked, teasingly. "Is it working?"
Kevin threw another piece of popcorn up in the air and easily caught it in his mouth. "Didn't work the first time you did it, 's not working now," he teased with a relaxed smile.
Ben knew it was a joke. Kevin loved dark humor and loved joking about the past. They were joking together, ribbing each other like usual, so of course it was a joke.... But that didn't mean that he didn't get a chill down his spine at the casual way Kevin said it, like he actually meant it. He curled and uncurled his hands into fists, looking away. Suddenly, the discomfort was back, the feeling that they were too close, both physically and emotionally, and it was suffocating.
Kevin noticed him fidgeting. "Dude, chill out. I was just kidding," he said, frowning. "Relax."
Ben chewed his lip, brow furrowed, and finally said, "It wasn't a good one."
"What, do you want me to apologize?" Kevin asked, clearly surprised. "I thought it was pretty funny."
Ben sighed. "No... I just... Ugh, forget it. Let's go back to my room." He went to grab the snack tray, but Kevin stopped him, grabbing his arm. He jolted, surprised. "Kev?"
"What's going on with you today?" Kevin asked, an edge of concern creeping into his voice. "Why're you being weird?"
Ben shrugged his hand off. "I'm not being weird, you're just not funny. Maybe you should take a stand-up class or something." He grabbed the tray, but Kevin wasn't done.
"It's not just that. It's like one minute we're just joking around, asking each other questions, and the next minute you won't look at me and you run away when I'm talking to you. Why?"
"You're overthinking things, dude," Ben replied, trying and failing not to be angry. He had no reason to be angry, it was irrational, but it still welled up in his chest and dripped out in his voice. "Just drop it." He brushed past Kevin, stalking towards his room.
"Bullshit! It's times like this where it feels like... like you're thinking about killing me again, like you regret that you didn't. What the fuck did I do this time?" Kevin argued back, following after him.
Ben growled deeply in his throat, stomping through the doorway and into his room, dropping the platter onto his nightstand. "You didn't do anything. Can't you just drop it? I told you it was nothing," he replied bitterly.
"Then why don't you act like it? Fuck, was it because I brought up Julie? Do you still miss her? Or- or is it because I said Kenko died? Because, like, I was just playing your stupid little game!"
"Of course that's not it!" Ben snapped suddenly.
"Oh, so you admit it now? You're pissed, right? So if that's not it, what is it?" Kevin argued back.
Ben whirled around and faced Kevin, breathing hard. Kevin glared down at him, one hand on his hip. "Well?" he asked. "Speak up."
"GOD!" Ben exclaimed suddenly, throwing his hands up into the air. "You're just- you just-"
"Spit it out already!"
"You make me want to tear my hair out!" Ben burst out, hands fisting in his hair. "You're just so fucking.... FUCK! What the hell do you even want me to say?"
"At least give me a hint about why you're mad at me, asshole," Kevin replied, calmer now that Ben was responding truthfully. Rather than angry or put off, he was bewildred, his brows furrowed together like he couldn't understand what was going on.
"Because- because you... you're too good," Ben finally said, sighing. He let his hands drop to his sides, hair sticking up wildly where he had grabbed it.
"What?" Kevin asked, confused. "Good at what?"
Ben flumped onto his bed, exhaling. He stared up at the ceiling. "Too good at everything. Too good... too good for me," he mumbled.
A beat stretched between them, neither of them moving or speaking, before Kevin crossed the room in a few steps and sat next to Ben on his bed. Ben didn't look over at him.
"Spell it out for me. I still don't get what you mean," Kevin said quietly, almost like he was trying not to scare him. Ben groaned and covered his eyes with his arm.
"Earlier. What were you going to say?" he asked, not wanting to hear the answer but needing to confirm before he said anymore.
"Earlier... before you left the room?" Kevin questioned, surprise evident in his voice.
"You said green was your favorite color, and ten was your favorite number, and then you were going to say something else," Ben mumbled. His chest ached, with fear or anticipation or desire, he wasn't sure which.
"Oh." Kevin leaned back on one hand and scratched his chin with the other, suddenly shy. "Uh... I don't-"
"Please."
After another moment, Kevin sighed and said, "You asked me earlier if I had a crush on anyone now. And I was gonna say it was..." he paused yet again, hesitating as though he were working up his nerves, before saying, "It was you. I like you, Ben."
Ben groaned again, this time covering his face with both of his hands, and Kevin bristled beside him.
"Look, you don't have to be dramatic, you can just turn me down, you don't have to-"
"That's not it," Ben said, cutting him off. "You... God, Kev, you're too good for me. I already told you that."
"Yeah, what does that even mean?" Kevin asked, frowning. "You keep talking in circles."
"It means what it sounds like," Ben replied, sliding his hands down his face. He finally looked over at Kevin, who was looking down at him as though he were a particularly difficult to solve puzzle. "You're too... too caring. And forgiving. I tried to kill you, dude. You should hate me right now."
Kevin's eyes grew wide, finally understanding, and he looked down at the floor. He kicked his foot noncommittally. "I do. But... I get it, too. I was trying to kill you guys, trying to kill Gwen-"
"I didn't even want to help you," Ben cut in. "I didn't even want to listen to Gwen, I just wanted you dead. Even though I should've known better, even though we probably could've saved you way faster if I had just tried, I didn't. How can you still like me, after all that?" He couldn't help the disbelief that crept into his throat, couldn't stop himself from rambling. "Why do you even like me?"
Kevin sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. He was hunched in on himself, staring off into space again. "I don't know. Sometimes I ask myself the same question," he admitted in a low voice. "In the Null Void, it was because getting revenge on you was the only thing that kept me going. And then, after I de-mutated, it was because I wanted to see you again. Told myself it was still because I wanted payback, which I did, but in all my daydreams, I wasn't beating you up, we were just hanging out together. Playing video games, getting Slurpies, loitering in parking lots, normal kid stuff. You were like... like my light in the dark. You were the only hope I had, most of the time." He sighed again, elbows on his knees and hands hanging down. "And then, once we met again... I don't know what happened. I just... I could tell you were different. I still wanted to kill you, but you trusted me so easily. Made me feel like... like I could be a good guy, for once. Like I was more than some two-bit criminal."
"But what about Gwen? And what about when I tried to-"
"Gwen's great. She's awesome. But I don't think she ever trusted me."
"What?" Ben scoffed. "She never stopped trusting you, even when you almost killed her."
"I don't think she was doing that for me," Kevin admitted. "I think, all that time, she was doing it for you."
Ben shook his head, confused. "What does that even-"
"I think... I think she got close to me to keep an eye on me. I don't think she did it on purpose, it was probably subconscious, but she knew what I was capable of. What I could do. And we all know that if it came down to it and Gwen could only save either me or you, she'd choose you. I get that. So I think when she was nice to me, she was doing it to make sure I didn't try to hurt you again."
"That's crazy! Dude, she was head over heels for you-"
"Yeah, she liked me. I had a cool car, saved her a few times, whatever. Like I said, I don't think she did it on purpose. And I liked her too. She saved me a few times. She was... she was nice to me. People usually aren't." Kevin glanced sidelong away from Ben, rolling his shoulders back. It was easier for him to talk about Gwen, about their failure of a relationship, than it was to talk about his complicated feelings for Ben. Finally, he scooted backwards and leaned his back against the wall, looking down at his hands in his lap. "But it was never... I never liked her more than that. I thought I did. I thought I was supposed to. But it wasn't... wasn't ever how I felt about you. Me and her argued all the time, and we never saw eye-to-eye, and we didn't have anything in common, and... and when I was kissing her, sometimes I'd close my eyes and it wasn't her I was thinking of, y'know?" He sighed. "When she broke up with me, after you guys were able to de-mutate me, it was kind of a relief, you know? Like, I was sad, but not as sad as I should've been. It didn't even hurt half as bad as you trying to.... to...."
"Kill you," Ben finished for him lamely. Kevin glanced over at him and smiled the barest of smiles.
"Yeah. Kill me."
Ben shifted next to Kevin, turning on his side to look at him more fully. His legs hung uncomfortably off the bed, but he didn't even notice. "Exactly," he said quietly. "I tried to kill you. Maybe... Maybe I could understand why, before you mutated, but now, it's like... Why do you even like me?" he asked gently. He didn't want to invoke Kevin's wrath, not if it was just bubbling under the surface and waiting for the right time to burst, but he had to know. A part of him knew that no answer would be satisfactory, but he had to hear it anyway.
Kevin shrugged. "I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't. But if it was me... If I was you, I would've wanted to do the same thing. I mean, you can't trust me. What if it happens again in the future? What if I'm worse in the future? What if I do something that I can't take back, something worse than just putting people in the hospital? So when you made that decision... I agreed with it. Or, well, I did afterwards, when I was back to normal."
"It's not going to happen again," Ben said immediately. "Never again. It shouldn't have happened this time, and it was my fault, but it won't happen again. You're never gonna have to worry about that again."
Kevin sighed again. "Maybe you should've killed me when you had the chance," he admitted quietly. "Sometimes I wish you had." His confession was barely a whisper, hardly even a breath, but Ben felt it settle into the very depths of his bones, felt his blood run cold. He sat up suddenly, quickly sitting on his knees facing Kevin, and grabbed his sleeve.
"Don't say that," he said immediately, his voice almost devoid of emotion even though his heart pounded in his chest.
Kevin looked at him, brows furrowed. "Why? I wish I was dea-"
"DON'T SAY THAT!" Ben shouted, this time grabbing Kevin's shoulders and forcing him to face him.
"Why not? Why can't I? You wanted me dead, I wanted to be dead, why can't I say it?!" Kevin angrily replied, voice raised.
"Because- because you can't-!"
"Why not."
"Because- because I don't-" Ben was shaking, and suddenly, fiercely, without even thinking about it, he pulled Kevin into a hug, arms wrapped around the back of his neck while Kevin's face was forcibly buried in Ben's chest. It felt strange, almost unnatural to hold Kevin that close when they could barely even high five on a normal day, but no other move would've cut it. Kevin grunted at the sudden impact. "Because I don't want you dead! I don't- not even then. I was scared. I was so fucking scared, and I knew better, but I was fucking terrified, because all I could remember was what happened when we were kids, and how I ruined your life, and how I was doing it again, and it's like everything was just coming back and hitting me, so I was stupid and I made the worst possible call, but I don't- you can't die. You can't." He spoke all of this into Kevin's hair, holding him so tightly it was a wonder he could still breathe.
Kevin shifted against him as he tried to pull away, but Ben wouldn't let him. Finally, his voice muffled against Ben's chest, he asked, "Why do you even care?"
Could Kevin hear his heartbeat through his ribcage? Could he hear the way it sped up almost painfully in response to that question?
"B-because.... Because I care about... about you," he finally admitted quietly.
"What?" Kevin mumbled. Ben finally released him, and Kevin noticeably breathed in deeply, his face bright red, though Ben couldn't tell whether it was from the lack of air or from what he just said.
Ben sat back on his legs, looking away from Kevin. "Because I care- no. Because I lo-.... I li-... I like you. A lot."
There was a beat between them. The house made its comforting noises, like the air conditioner running and the quiet voice of the TV, still on, talking animatedly, but the silence between Ben and Kevin stretched so heavily and settled so surely that all that noise was lost in it.
Kevin stared at Ben incredulously. "In what... in what way?" he asked quietly, staring without blinking.
Ben fidgeted, rubbing at his arm, and said, "In... um. The same way you do. About me. I think." He was bright red and burning up, so much so that he was sweating. "So that's why you can't... you can't say that. You can't wish you were dead."
Kevin stared at him owlishly. Ben shrunk under his gaze, sure he said the wrong thing, or did the wrong thing, or something else, and it would all go wrong from here. He wished he were back in the kitchen, back gathering the stupid snacks and stupidly running away from what was right in front of him, because it was easier than this, this tension in the air, hanging between them like a noose.
"Don't say that if you don't mean it," Kevin said quietly, bitterly. "Don't get my hopes up like that. I'm not going to jump off a bridge, you don't need to talk me down-"
"I do mean it," Ben replied quietly, ashamed. "I wouldn't have said it if I didn't. Not like that. Not to you."
Another pause, and then-
"Say it again," Kevin demanded quietly.
"No- I can't-"
"Please, Ben."
"I...." Ben curled and uncurled his hands into fists again, flexing the tendons beneath the skin. Finally, he looked straight at Kevin, and without breaking eye contact, he said, "I like you, Kevin."
"What do you like about me?" Kevin asked, flushing and flabbergasted.
"Come on, don't make me say-" Ben mumbled, his own blush spurred on by Kevin's, but Kevin was staring at him so fascinatedly, so curiously, like he were some marvel, that he had to relent. " You... A lot. A lot of stuff. Um... even though your life is shit, and even though you don't have any reason to trust anybody, you still do. You always have hope, and you're always so forgiving. And you're so fucking smart, you didn't even finish school but you can still build cars and ships from scratch and come up with a plan from out of nowhere. And you..." Ben paused and chuckled. "You're hilarious. I mean, usually it's not when you're trying to be, but you still are. And you... you trust me. And, I guess everyone trusts me because I'm Ben 10, but you... you trust me for me, not because I'm some big hero."
Kevin smiled, almost excitedly, and said, "Go on."
Ben rolled his eyes and chuckled again and it was easier now to say it, now that it was out in the open and Kevin didn't seem to want to fight him over it, so he continued. "I like... I like the way your hair falls in your face when you're working on your car, and when you push it back you end up smearing oil on your cheek. And I like how you always take a sip of my smoothie, even though you never like the flavors I pick, and you tell me how bad it tastes. I like how, when we go swimming, you sometimes just jump in the water in your cargo shorts because you're too impatient to go change, even though you hate when your clothes are wet, and-"
"Is that the only thing you like about me when we go swimming?" Kevin asked, wiggling his eyebrows. "Not the fact that I'm shirtless?"
"Shut up," Ben replied, laughing, his face pink. "I like that, too. Whatever. I like how you always try to help people, even when we're in the middle of a fight. And I like how you tease me because you think I don't get made fun of enough and my ego is too big, but you never have any good comebacks so you just sound really lame. And I like how you randomly break into my house just to see how long it takes me to catch you. And how-"
"Alright, alright, I get it, you like me," Kevin cut him off, grinning. "Geez, you're really into me, huh?"
"Shut up," Ben said again, laughing.
"Got it bad for me. You probably dream of me every night, cuddling your pillows, wishing they were me-"
"You wish-"
"Probably kissing them too, wondering, "Gee, I wonder if Kevin's lips are this soft and supple-""
"Not in a million years! You're full of it!" Ben went to shove Kevin, but Kevin grabbed his arms before he had the chance, holding him hostage.
"Well, you could find out, if you wanted to."
"What?"
"How my lips compare to your pillow," Kevin replied with a smirk.
"I told you, I don't- wait, wait, what?"
"C'mon Tennyson, use your ears. I'm telling you to kiss me," Kevin replied, rolling his eyes and smiling.
Ben could've sworn he were on fire, the way heat raced through his body. "Hold on- no, hold on, I tried to kill you-"
"You ever hear that saying? "Missed me, missed me, now you gotta kiss me?" Better pucker up."
Ben nervously struggled in his grip. "C'mon, don't joke about this, I'm serious! You should still hate me, you should still be holding it against me-"
"Shoulda, coulda, woulda, right?" Kevin asked, grinning. Ben glared at him and he sighed, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, okay, whatever." He released his grip on Ben, but Ben didn't move away. "I am still mad at you, and I don't forgive you all the way. I already told you that. But now I know that you actually feel bad about it, and that helps a lot. Makes me feel better about liking you, at least."
"But not enough to-"
"If you want to make it up to me, you can just kiss me, dude," Kevin said, shrugging nonchalantly.
"You keep saying that! How's that going to help?" Ben argued, blush high on his cheeks.
"What'll it hurt?" Kevin replied, a challenging grin on his face.
"You... God, there's no reasoning with you," Ben sighed, finally laughing. "You're insane."
"Yup, certifiable, nine ways from Sunday. But I bet you like that about me, too," he said wiggling his eyebrows, and Ben laughed again.
"Shut up, you don't even know what you're talking about," Ben replied, grinning.
"You liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike me," Kevin sang in a singsong voice. "You wanna kiiiiiiiiiiiiiss meeeeeee~"
"You're too hung up on this kiss," Ben bashfully said, rolling his eyes. Kevin leaned closer to him.
"Maybe you should just do it already, then. I can't make fun of you if my mouth is occupied."
"Oh my God," Ben groaned, rubbing his face with his hands. "Fine. Whatever."
"What?" Kevin asked, surprised, his eyebrows shooting up his forehead. "Serio-"
Ben suddenly surprised him, jamming his mouth onto Kevin's and kissing him. Kevin's voice died in his throat, and it only took him a moment to catch on, pulling Ben tightly to his chest, one hand on his back and the other on the nape of his neck. Kevin's lips were dry, but they were soft, or at least softer than expected, and his nose pressed into Ben's cheek. Up close like this, it was obvious that his eyelashes were long, longer than most, and his eyes fluttered close almost as soon as Ben's lips were upon his. He sighed into the kiss, like a textbook romance novel protagonist, and Ben had to smile, even in spite of himself. Regretfully, he pulled away, and though the kiss ended, Kevin didn't release his grip or let him move any further.
"There," Ben said, smiling gently down at him. "Can you get over it now?"
Kevin's eyes snapped open and he stared incredulously up at Ben. "No way, dude. I'm addicted. You better kiss me again before I go into withdrawal," he replied grinning cheesily up at Ben.
Ben laughed again and rolled his eyes. "I think I've created a monster."
"Guess so," Kevin grinned, squeezing Ben in his arms. "Guess I'll always be your responsibility and you're gonna have to take care of me for the rest of my life."
Ben tapped their foreheads together. "You sound like you're trying to get me to propose," he said playfully, looking into Kevin's beautiful brown eyes.
Kevin blushed and grinned and said, "Well, maybe you can do that later. In a few years. Right now, I just want another kiss."
Ben smiled and leaned forward. "Whatever you want," he said quietly, teasingly, before kissing him again.
--
The rest of the afternoon passed warmly, comfortably. They lounged on Ben's bed in each others arms, stealing kisses and eating the snacks Ben had so nervously prepared earlier. Kevin teased Ben about them having a talk about their feelings, even though he had said no to the idea earlier, and Ben laughed and swore they wouldn't have to have another feelings talk for at least six months. They made fun of the stupid shows that came on the TV and at some point the argument about Kenko dying came up again and Ben explained the difference in the localization and Kevin said that meant that Kenko still died in the original canon, and after a lot of insignificant arguing they finally dropped it and kissed yet again.
At one point, Ben took a selfie of Kevin kissing him on the cheek (he had turned his head at the last second for the picture, causing Kevin's nose and mouth to smoosh into Ben's cheek) and sent it to Gwen, explaining to her in the shortest and least detailed terms possible that he and Kevin were "dating?" now, and she texted back shortly afterwards saying that it was about time.
Later, after the snacks were depleted and their lack of movement made them sore, they finally drove to Mr. Smoothy and argued about who should pay for whose drinks. Kevin argued Ben should pay since he was rich and famous, and Ben argued Kevin should pay because Kevin ate all of his snacks earlier, but in the end they both pulled out their wallets and tried to shove their money at the cashier while simultaneously trying to hinder each other. A few minutes later, Ben smiled and grabbed Kevin's hand as Kevin stole the first drink of his smoothie, grimacing at the taste, as the sun slowly dipping below the horizon outside. He told himself that if this was what all of his lazy days were like moving ahead, he'd be the happiest guy in the universe, and then Kevin squeezed his hand and rubbed his knuckles, and he knew that he already was.