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“Come on Steve, it’s getting late. The library will be closing soon.” Sam grumbled out a couple aisles over. Steve just rolled his eyes as he gripped his pile of books already towering high in his arms a little bit tighter, trying his best not to drop them.
Steve loved going to the library. He didn’t exactly have the funds to go out and buy books whenever he wanted, so he spent most of his time perusing the shelves at his local library for anything that jumped out at him. He had actually read a great deal of books that he had enjoyed that he wouldn’t have even known about had it not been for the library.
Sam just called him old-fashioned. Steve didn’t care. He liked his books and there was nothing that could change his mind.
Steve hurried along when he heard the 15 minute closing announcement. He was back in a part of the library he had never encountered before. All of the books in this area looked rather old. They looked like they hadn’t been checked out in ages. It seemed so strange.
These books looked like they belonged in the restricted section in Hogwarts.
Somehow that made them even more appealing to Steve. He walked down one of the aisles to see if any of the books caught his eye.
Well, he didn’t have to look long.
Sitting on the top shelf crushed in between two large books set a tiny little black book. Steve immediately set his pile down and reached up and grabbed the book. He couldn’t explain the feeling that overcame him when he grabbed the book, but he just knew that this book was going to be amazing.
He could feel it.
The cover was really worn and had some sort of silver binding around it. There was also a large red star on the cover.
But there was no title or author. That was weird, but somehow, that just intrigued Steve even more. He ran his fingers over the book and smiled. He was about to open the book when a firm hand landed on his shoulder. Steve jumped and turned around, finding Sam standing in front of him.
“Come on Steve, we need to get going.”
“Alright, alright.” Steve bent over and picked up his pile of books that he had set down to grab the other one and carried them over to the check-out counter. The woman at the counter smiled at him as he walked up to her. She looked to be around Steve’s age, and well, she seemed to always be working every time Steve came in.
She was beautiful. And she had this amazing red hair that made her noticeable to everyone. Her name was Natasha. Steve had been to this library enough to know every librarian here.
But she always gave Steve weird looks every time she saw him. It was like she was trying to figure him out, discover all his secrets. Sam on the other, Sam was head over heels in love with her. One of the many reasons Sam always accompanied him on his library runs.
And Sam always made them go to her line, no matter if her line was the longest (which, it always was), they always had to go to her.
Steve walked up to her and set all his books down. Sam just walked on passed him and leaned against the counter, trying his best to look his best. He didn’t even have any books. Steve just rolled his eyes as he dug out his library card.
“Did you find everything alright, Steve?” Natasha asked as she looked up at him.
“Yeah. I just wish I had more time.” Natasha just laughed as she scanned the books.
“Maybe you should start coming in earlier.” She replied, scanning another one. Steve just laughed. He wished he could come here earlier, but his schedule just didn’t allow it. When Natasha got to the last one, the small black one with the red star, Natasha looked up at him with questionable glance.
“Interesting choice.” She scanned the book and set it on top of the others before scooting them over closer to Steve. “All of them will be due in two weeks time, unless, of course, you want to renew them.”
“Thanks.” Steve responded, grabbing the books and starting to walk away. Natasha then looked over at Sam and winked.
“Bye.” Steve was positive that Sam about fell over. Sam walked backwards with Steve all the way to the front. Doing Lord knows what, Steve didn’t really pay attention. He was too focused on not dropping his books while he was still in the library.
He couldn’t imagine how awkward that would be. He was sure he would probably get his library card revoked or something.
“She talked to me. She actually talked to me.” Sam said as they walked towards his car.
“She said bye. I don’t think that counts. She was probably just being polite.”
“But she winked at me man. That must mean something.”
“Sure. Whatever you say.” Steve piled the books into the backseat before hopping inside.
“Hey, don’t ruin the moment.” Steve just laughed as Sam drove off.
Steve slowly made his way to his top floor apartment, trying his best not to destroy his lungs and drop his books in the process. Sam had offered to help him carry his books, but Steve had politely declined (he didn’t need Sam’s help, thank you very much).
Steve’s apartment was small, but it was his and he loved it. It was set up as a studio. Steve wasn’t too fond of the studio layout at first, but now, now it had grown on him. It was small, but it was perfect for him. He didn’t really own much so he didn’t need that much space. He had his bed, his couch, and his TV. Thank god the kitchen came furnished because he had absolutely nothing in that department.
And he even had this little spot by the window that he could paint if he felt like it.
Steve set all his books down on the counter before making his way to his little single bed, falling face first onto it.
Today had just been exhausting. All he wanted to do was go to sleep. He had been up early for his classes and then he had work after that. Then he met up with Sam and they went to the library. He hadn’t been home all day and all he wanted to do was just pass out. But sleep would have to wait. He had that new book to check out. No matter how tired he was, he wouldn’t be able to sleep until he knew what was in it.
And then he could sleep. He could sleep forever because tomorrow is Saturday and he had nothing to do until then.
He just needed to get out of bed first.
Steve pulled himself from his bed (very reluctantly) and made his way back to the kitchen. The little black book was sitting on top, as if waiting for him. He grabbed it and made his way to his sorry excuse for a couch.
He just held the book for a bit, getting a quick feel of it before he opened it.
And well, there were no words in it. It was just a book of empty pages.
What the hell?
Steve flipped through the book, seeing if he somehow missed something, but no. It was just empty. Why would the library have this book on their shelves? What was the point?
Oh well. He would just return it later. No harm there. Sure he was a little disappointed, but he would get over it. He had about ten other books sitting on the counter waiting for him.
He was about to stand up when he heard it.
“Hello there.” Steve’s body went tense as he looked around. Who said that? He looked around again, but there was no one there. The TV was off, and well, he had never heard that voice before. Where had it come from?
Maybe he had imagined it. He was tired. He could have easily imagined the voice or something. He had done it before.
Steve stood up from the couch and looked down at the book. He opened it again, just to be sure. There had to be something. The library would not have an empty book just sitting on their shelves. They just wouldn’t. Steve was missing something.
“I said hello.”
Steve immediately dropped the book, because there was no mistaking now where the voice had come from.
It had come from inside the book.
Holy shit.
Steve heard some muffled noises coming from inside the book and jesus, the book was talking.
The book was actually talking.
Steve didn’t know how to deal with this. How did one deal with a talking book? He needed to talk to someone. That’s it. He hopped over the book and ran to where he had set his phone down. He called Sam and waited impatiently for him to answer.
“Mmm Hello?”
“Sam!” Steve shouted. “My book just spoke to me!”
“Wow. How poetic. And what did your book say to you?”
“Um, well, it said hello. And now it’s mumbling at me because I dropped it.” Sam was silent for a bit and Steve almost thought Sam had hung up on him.
“Steve. Are you being serious right now?”
“Sam. I am being 100% serious right now.” Steve heard Sam sigh and great. Sam didn’t believe him. Of course Sam didn’t believe him. Who would believe that a book could actually talk?
“Steve?”
“Yeah. Sorry Sam. I must have imagined it. I must be more tired than I thought.”
“Alright man, just get some sleep, okay?”
“Yeah. Thanks Sam.”
Steve quickly hung up and set his phone back down. He let out a loud sigh as he looked back at the book. Maybe he had been imagining it. He was tired. His mind was just playing tricks on him. He let out a small laugh as he walked over and bent down and picked up the book.
“You aren’t imagining things, pal. I’m really here.” Steve’s face went blank as he just stared at the book. He was going insane. He was definitely insane. “Yeah, not going insane either.”
“Can you read my mind?” Steve squeaked out.
“Of course. I am an all knowing book! I know everything! Even your deepest darkest secrets!”
“Really?”
“Nah. You were mumbling to yourself just now.”
“Oh.” Thank god.
“Yeah, thanks for dropping me by the way. That felt nice.”
“Sorry about that. You startled me, is all.”
“Completely understandable. Not every day you experience a talking book, right?” Steve just nodded. He wasn’t even sure the book could actually see him.
This was just crazy. This had to be a dream. It just had to be. There was no way that this was real. Steve could not be having a conversation with a book.
“So, do you have a name?” The book asked
. “Yes.” The book laughed.
“Can I have it? I need something to call you. It would make things a lot easier for me.”
“Oh, um, well, my name is Steve. Steve Rogers.”
“Well Steve Rogers, my name is Bucky. And you have stumbled upon my book.”
“I see. Wait. Is this gonna be like Harry Potter? You’re not gonna suck my soul out, are you?”
“Harry what? Soul sucking? What the hell are you talking about?”
“Well, there is this book and just, never mind. It’s not important.” Bucky just laughed and Steve couldn’t help the small smile that appeared on his face.
“You sure are something else, Stevie.” Steve couldn’t help but laugh. It wasn’t every day you get a compliment like that. If it even was a compliment. Steve would take it as such. “So, did you have any questions?”
“Questions?”
“Well yeah, it’s not every day you meet a talking book. You must have, like, a million questions. Natasha had a ton.”
“Natasha? You know Natasha?”
“Yeah, she had the book before you.” Oh, well, that actually explained a lot.
That definitely explained the weird look he received from her at the library. He might have to talk with her about all of this. Because really, the least she could have done was give him a warning or something. Anything really.
“You still there Steve?”
“What? Yeah. Sorry, just got lost in my thoughts.”
“So, any questions?”
“Well, yeah. How did you get into a book?”
“I’m sorry Steve, but that is privileged information.”
“What?”
“Maybe sometime soon you can hear that story. But not right now.”
“But you are human, right? You’re not some demon or something?” Bucky laughed again.
“I was human before all this. What is your deal with your obsession with demon stuff?”
“Hey! It could happen” Bucky just laughed and Steve just smiled.
“You should smile more.” Steve immediately tensed up.
“Can you see me?”
“Of course.”
“Oh.” Steve immediately looked away. Steve wasn’t really much to look at, in his opinion. He looked like he was still in high school even though he was 25 years old. He was scrawny and well, like he said, he looked like a kid.
“What’s wrong?”
“Just….sorry you got stuck with my ugly mug. You probably wanted someone like Natasha again, right?” Natasha had been beautiful. And well, to go from looking at that every day to Steve, well, he felt sorry for Bucky.
“Um, well, I don’t think it really matters what you look like. Just someone to talk to is good enough for me.”
“Right.” Steve said, not believing a word of it. Steve knew he was nothing special. He had years of confirmation of that.
“Steve…”
“I’m really tired Bucky. I will talk to you tomorrow.”
“Goodnight Steve.” Bucky whispered. Steve didn’t say anything else as he closed the book. He got up off the couch and set it down on the kitchen table before heading off to bed.
Steve woke up bright and early the next morning, dead set on finding out more about the book.
Not from Bucky, of course. No. Steve was going to talk to Natasha. She had Bucky before him, which meant she would be able to explain everything to him.
Simple.
After showering and getting ready, Steve made his way into the kitchen. He stopped and just looked at the book. He knew he should say something to Bucky, a simple good morning would be nice. Anything really. He was sure Bucky would appreciate that.
But there was still a small part of him that didn’t quite believe that all of this was really happening.
So Steve made himself a bagel and went on his way.
It was actually a very brisk walk to the library this early in the morning, and about ten minutes in, Steve wished that he had called Sam to give him a ride to the library. But he knew that Sam would suspect something, and Steve really didn’t need that right now. He needed answers, not more questions.
Besides, Sam would hate him for calling him this early in the morning, especially on a Saturday.
Steve finally made his way to the library. He might have lost feelings in his hands, but hopefully it would be worth it. He took a deep breath and walked inside. It felt amazing and warm inside and Steve took a few minutes to warm himself up completely before going to find Natasha.
It was quiet, quieter than Steve was used to. Then again, the library had just opened not even an hour ago. Steve was never here this early. Ever.
Steve looked around and tried to find Natasha. He had no idea if she would even be there. He just hoped that she would. Maybe he should have called or something before he trekked all the way out here. That would have been the smart thing to do. Then again, Steve never really was all that smart when it came to making decisions like this.
He got an idea and he went with it, not really thinking about all the consequences that might occur.
He finally spotted her in the biography section. Steve slowly made his way over to her, trying not to cause a scene by running over to her and scaring her like a crazy person. But, being the freaking ninja that she appeared to be, she saw him coming anyways and greeted him with a smile.
“Steve, I didn’t expect to see you back so soon.” Steve took a few quick breaths, still trying to catch his breath from walking too fast.
“You know, a little warning would have been nice.” He said, trying to give her his best glare. It didn’t work. Natasha just smiled at him as she set her book down.
“I have no idea what you are talking about.” Steve rolled his eyes. He didn’t need her to play dumb with him. Not right now.
“Bucky.” He said. She didn’t say anything, just nodded at him. “You could have told me, when I checked out the book.”
“And ruin the surprise? That wouldn’t be very nice of me.”
“Natasha…”
“Bucky is nice. Why don’t you talk to him? You will see. He is such a nice man.”
“Well, if he is so nice, why aren’t you still talking to him then?” Natasha just laughed.
“Let’s just say, I’m not exactly what Bucky wanted.” Steve took a step back. What the hell did that mean?
“What does that mean?” Natasha just shook her head, picking up the book she had discarded when Steve came over before putting it back on the shelf.
“Steve, just talk to him. He isn’t going to hurt you, I promise. He just wants someone to talk to. He is rather lonely. I think he said the last time he talked to someone before me was ten years ago.” Steve’s face fell and now he felt like an absolute jerk. Bucky must be very lonely. But still. It was still weird.
“We’ll see.” Steve mumbled out.
“If he annoys you or is mean to you, then you can bring the book back. No harm, no foul.” This just all seemed so weird. He had come here for answers and well, Natasha wasn’t really giving him any of the answers he wanted.
“I just…why would he want to talk to me?”
“Don’t be so naïve Steve. Who wouldn’t want to get to know you?” Steve just shrugged. How about all the people he had tried to date and rejected him merely based on what he looked like. That was quite a high number. And there was also the fact that he really only had one friend. “Just talk to the guy and don’t think too much about it.”
Steve stood outside his apartment door, just staring at it. He could do this. He could.
Bucky was just a book. He couldn’t do much harm.
And like Natasha had said, if it didn’t work, well, Steve could just return the book and it would be like nothing had happened. He took another deep breath and walked inside.
The book was sitting right where he had left it last night. Steve slowly made his way to the counter and grabbed the book. He walked over to the couch and sat down. He looked down at the book and took another deep breath and slowly opened the book.
It was silent. Well, here goes nothing.
“Hey Buck.” Steve whispered. He swore he felt the book breath.
“Hey Steve.” Bucky’s voice was soft and nothing like it had been yesterday. It was almost like Bucky was being cautious. Steve smiled though, feeling his body instantly relax. The sound of Bucky’s voice was very soothing.
“Sorry about last night, I…I was a bit overwhelmed.”
“’s alright.” Steve could tell Bucky still seemed a bit weary, and well Steve couldn’t blame him. Bucky probably thought Steve was going to take him back and then he would be alone again.
“I went to talk to Natasha.”
“I see.” Again, Bucky seemed weary. He was probably afraid of what Natasha had told him. Bucky didn’t have anything to worry about there, but still. And well, Natasha had told him to talk to Bucky, so, here goes nothing.
“So, what kind of a name is Bucky anyways?” Bucky was silent for a bit before letting out a loud laugh. And it was nice to hear his laugh again.
“Why you little punk.”
“Just askin’.” Steve said, pulling his legs up on the couch.
“It’s a play on my middles name.”
“Which is?”
“Buchanan. James Buchanan Barnes, at your service.” Steve couldn’t help the little chuckle that escaped him.
“Wow. What a name.”
“Yeah, I know, right? I never really liked James though, nor Jim or Jimmy, so Bucky it was.”
“Well, I like Bucky. I think it suits you.”
“Oh really? And how would you know?” Steve just shrugged.
“I just know.”
“Alright, Steve Rogers. Tell me something about yourself.”
“What do you want to know?”
“I don’t know. Anything. What do you like to do? Any hobbies?”
“Um, well, I guess I like to draw.”
“You guess? Are you any good?” Steve just shrugged. “My, how very modest of you.” Steve just laughed.
“I’m okay. I wouldn’t say I’m amazing, but, I’m okay.”
“Show me something you drew. Please?” Steve just nodded as he set the book down before getting up to grab his sketchbook. He walked back to the couch and sat down. He flipped through his sketchbook and he felt like the book was watching him. Like Bucky’s eyes were peering at him through the pages.
Which, in a way, was what was actually happening.
He quickly shook that thought away as he stopped on a page. It was a landscape he had done of his view by the window. It wasn’t his best, but it was something. He turned it around to show the book.
“Holy shit Steve! You did that?”
“Yeah. It’s not the best, but…”
“You’re joking, right?” Steve didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to say to that. “Steve, you have some amazing talent there. No need to be modest, you’re a helluva artist. Don’t ever doubt yourself.” Steve looked up at the book and smiled.
“Thanks Buck.”
“Okay, well, now that we have that settled, can we talk about your friends.”
“Friends?”
“Yeah. I’m guessing you have at least one friend. Someone named Sam? You called him yesterday, I believe.”
“Oh yeah. Sam is one of my oldest friends. He’s great. He worries about me a lot, but yeah, he’s nice.”
“That’s good. Anyone else?”
“Well, there was Peggy.”
“Was? What happened? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“Oh, well, we were friends you know. She was amazing. One of the first women to actually see me for me. And well, we tried dating and it just didn’t work. We are in the process right now of going back to being friends, but it’s still awkward, especially now that its long distance since she moved back to London.”
“Oh, well, I can imagine. But I’m sorry that things are awkward. That’s never fun.”
“Yeah, but I mean, that’s pretty much it. I live a really boring life Bucky. I have class and I work at a grocery store. I have Sam as my one friend and I draw. That’s pretty much it. I’m not dating anyone so I spend most of my time here in my free time.”
“Doesn’t really matter to me. Can’t get any more boring than my life.”
“Well, you must have lived an exciting life before all of this, right?” Bucky just laughed.
“You don’t want to know about me, Steve. Believe me.”
“Yes I do. You don’t have to tell me a lot, but you know, just something would be nice. Anything.”
“Alright, alright. Well, I fought in World War 2.”
“What! No way! How was that? What did you do? Where were you stationed?”
“I was a sniper actually. And I was stationed in Germany.”
“Oh.” Steve hadn’t been expecting that. A sniper. “Were you any good?” Bucky was silent for a bit and Steve felt that maybe he had gone too far. “You, don’t have to…”
“Never missed a target.” Steve was silent for a bit, letting all that sink in. Bucky had actually killed people in his time. Who knows how many people died by his gun. It was crazy to think about.
“Anything else?” Steve asked finally, changing the subject. “Can you tell me what you look like? How old you are? Or were?” Bucky laughed.
“You know, it’s funny. It’s been so long, I don’t think I can remember what I looked like. Or even how old I was.” Steve’s smile fell at that. That was sad. How could Bucky not remember what he looked like?
“You don’t remember anything.”
“No. Wow, that’s kind of depressing. I’m sorry. I guess no one’s ever really asked what I looked like and I guess, I just forgot. I think maybe, maybe I was 26 or something. Around that age probably.”
“Ah, well, um, moving on.” Bucky let out a small chuckle at that. “I bet with you being a sniper in the army, you had all the ladies on your tail, right? Being in the army at the time probably gave you quite the advantage.”
“Well, I guess I never was short on dates.”
“Well aren’t you the modest one.” Bucky laughed.
“Come on Stevie, I bet the dames are lining up on your doorstep as well.” Steve snorted. He actually snorted. Oh Bucky, if only he knew.
“No one wants to date a small asthmatic kid with a mile long list of medical issues that include not being able to hear out of one ear, is color blind and just, well, you get the idea.”
“Steve…”
“I’m hungry. I’m gonna go make me something to eat.” Steve said, successfully changing the subject. Bucky didn’t really respond to that. He was just silent for a while and well, when he didn’t, Steve stood up. He was about to close the book when Bucky finally spoke up.
“Can you leave the book open? Please.”
“Sure.” Steve said, as he made his way to the kitchen to fix him something for lunch.
Over the next few months, Steve spent all his free time talking with Bucky. Bucky never really revealed much about himself anymore. Instead, he always veered the conversation to Steve. He wanted to know everything that there was to know about Steve.
Not that Steve really minded all that much.
Steve felt confident when he was around Bucky. He felt like he could tell Bucky anything, anything at all, without the fear of being judged. Bucky didn’t care about anything really. It just seemed like he was happy knowing that Steve was alive.
And the first time Steve had an asthma attack around Bucky, Bucky flipped out. When Steve was all bed and had his breathing back in control, Bucky was silent for a bit. When Steve had finally gotten him to talk to him, Bucky told him he hated feeling so helpless. That he hated not being able to help Steve.
After that incident, Bucky wanted to be anywhere Steve was. Steve took Bucky to class with him and let Bucky listen in on his lectures. Even when Steve was at work, Bucky wanted to be there. Steve would have him propped open under his cash register.
Bucky also wanted to know more about his friends. Any time Sam was over, Steve left the book open so Bucky could just listen in. Steve felt a tad bit guilty about that one, but it wasn’t like Sam was telling Steve anything private or anything like that.
Bucky also made Steve contact Peggy again, and well, it was still awkward, but Steve could tell they were moving on and soon things would get better.
He could feel it.
He had made Peggy laugh on the phone when they talked, so that was something.
Steve really liked talking with Bucky though. It was weird, thinking about how in the beginning, he hadn’t even thought to give it a shot, but now, now Steve didn’t know what he would do without Bucky. And it had only really been a few months.
So really, when the call came, Steve shouldn’t have been surprised.
“Hello?” Steve asked, leaning against the kitchen counter.
“Steve.”
“Natasha?” Steve asked, finding it weird that she was actually calling him. “What can I help you with?” He heard Natasha take a deep breath.
“Steve, the book is due back tomorrow.” Oh, that’s what this is about. Steve knew that. He planned on going to the library to renew it tomorrow morning before work.
“I know. I was going to come in tomorrow and renew it again.” Natasha was silent for a bit and Steve knew that it must be something bad. He could feel it.
“You can’t do that Steve.” Steve’s face fell.
“What? Why not? I doubt there is a waiting list on Bucky’s book.”
“I know, but Steve, rules are rules. You’ve renewed the book as much as you can. You have to return the book tomorrow.”
“Once I return it, can I check it out again?” Natasha was silent for a bit. Again, never a good sign. “Well, can I?”
“I think our policy is another two weeks. You would have to wait another two weeks.”
Steve almost dropped the phone. Two weeks. What was he supposed to do until then? What was Bucky going to do until then? Steve couldn’t just abandon him for two weeks. What if someone else checked him out in that time? Then Steve would have to wait even longer. And what if that person was nicer than Steve? What if Bucky liked them better and didn’t want to Steve again?
“Steve?”
“Alright. I will turn him in tomorrow. Thanks Natasha.” Steve said suddenly and hung up the phone. He looked over and saw the book. It was just sitting there on his bed, lying on the pillow.
The night before, Bucky had asked if he could sleep near him that night. And well, Steve couldn’t really object. He didn’t know what it was about Bucky, but there was something different about him. Steve had never felt this close to anyone before.
And he didn’t even know what Bucky looked like. He just knew his laugh and his voice and his personality. And that was enough for Steve.
But laying down next to the book, laughing at all the stupid things Bucky said while Steve attempted to go to sleep…it was possibly one of the happiest nights of his life.
It was nights like this that Steve felt that he may actually love Bucky.
Steve walked back to the bed and fell down against it.
“Who was it?” Bucky’s voice sounded all husky and jesus, this was all just too real for him.
“Natasha.”
“Oh. What did she want?”
“I have to return you to the library tomorrow.” Bucky was silent for a bit and Steve felt like he was about to cry. But he wouldn’t cry. Not in front of Bucky. He couldn’t.
“When can you check me out again?”
“In two weeks. I think. As long as no one else checks your book out first.”
“Well, that’s not too bad. It’s better than ten years or something.”
“I guess.” Steve mumbled out. Bucky being so positive about all of this didn’t make Steve feel any better. It actually made him feel worse. But of course Bucky would be okay with it. He had done this over and over and over again. Steve was stupid to think that he would be any different. “Anyways, what should we do today?”
“You have a date, remember?” Steve pulled himself up and ran his hand through his hair.
“I can always cancel.”
“What? Come on Steve. Don’t cancel on my account. This girl might finally be the one.” Steve let out a little laugh at that.
“It’s not a girl this time Buck. It’s a guy. His name is Brock or something like that. He works with Sam. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if I reschedule.” Bucky was silent for a bit, and Steve felt like he had said something wrong. Steve was sure he had mentioned before that he liked both men and women. At least, he thought he had.
Steve was about to say something when Bucky finally answered.
“You should still go. Have fun.” There was something off in his voice. Steve couldn’t really put a name on it, but there was something wrong. He could feel it.
“Bucky…”
“No. Really, Steve. Go on your date. We can hang out until you leave and then when you get back. Deal?”
“Deal.”
The date was a complete disaster.
Brock seemed like a nice guy and everything. He was handsome and charming, a bit older than Steve was picturing. But the guy worked with Sam, so Steve gave him a chance.
And Sam wouldn’t have set him up with someone horrible.
But Steve just, well, he just wasn’t really into it tonight.
All he could think about was Bucky. How much he would rather be there with Bucky instead of Brock.
He wanted to be out at this restaurant with Bucky. He wanted to eat with him, hold hands with him. Lay in bed with him and actually see his smile when he is trying to make Steve laugh.
He wanted to be with Bucky.
But that was something that wasn’t ever going to happen. Bucky was a book, and well, as far as Steve knew, that wasn’t going to change anytime soon.
When Steve returned home, he walked over to Bucky and opened the book.
“How’d it go?”
“Awful.” Steve replied as he made his way to his closet, removing his tie in the process.
“What was wrong with him? Did he try and get fresh with you or something? Do I need to kick some ass?” Steve laughed. Brock had actually been a very decent gentleman and didn’t try anything. Then again, he might have noticed Steve’s disinterest and left it at that.
“Nothing was wrong with him. I just didn’t want to be there. That’s all.”
“Oh.” Steve quickly pulled off his shirt and pants and quickly pulled on his pajama pants. “Well I’m sorry you had a rotten night.”
“It’s okay.” Steve said with a smile, crawling into bed. He pulled the book close to him. “It’s better now.” Bucky let out a little laugh and man, what Steve would give to be able to see Bucky in person, to have Bucky lying in bed next to him. Anything really.
Steve was starting to drift fast. He hadn’t even realized how tired he was. He had planned to stay up all night with Bucky, just to talk with him for the rest of the night. He had planned to sleep later on. He could work a few hours and then sleep afterwards.
But it seemed like his body had other plans.
“I wish you were real.” Steve mumbled into the pillow. Bucky just laughed.
“I am real, Stevie. You’re talking to me right now. I’m more real than ever.”
“No. I mean, I wish you were here, in person. I want to kiss you so bad.” Steve whispered as he closed his eyes.
If he had been more coherent and awake, he would have heard the small gasp that escaped from the book.
“Steve…”
“I love you Buck.” Steve whispered as sleep overtook him.
When Steve woke up the next morning, the first thing he noticed was that the book was not on the bed.
“Bucky?” Steve asked, glancing around.
Nothing. Just absolute silence.
Steve immediately sat up. Where was it? He quickly crawled over to the side of the bed and looked over. He let out a giant sigh of relief when he found it lying on the ground. Thank god. Steve must have accidentally pushed it off last night. He quickly reached over and grabbed it, opening it as he fell back against the wall.
“Morning Buck.” Steve said with a smile. But there was no reply. Steve’s smile fell. “Bucky?” Again, there was no reply. Steve could feel his heart rate begin to increase and he was not going to panic. He wasn’t.
But this, this was bad.
“Bucky!” Steve shouted at the book as he pulled himself from the bed. There was still no reply and Steve just wanted to cry. This can’t be happening. This just can’t be happening. Steve quickly ran to his closet and pulled out a random shirt and a pair of pants. He put them on as fast as he could before grabbing the book and running out the door.
Where was Bucky? He wouldn’t just leave without telling him? Would he?
Had all of this just been some dream? Had he imagined Bucky the entire time?
He couldn’t have. There was just no possible way. Steve’s feelings for Bucky were just too real.
When Steve made it to the library, Natasha was waiting for him.
“Bucky’s gone.” Steve said, setting the book on the counter. Natasha’s face fell.
“What?” Natasha walked around the counter so that she was standing next to Steve.
“I woke up this morning and he didn’t talk to me. I just…Natasha, where could he have gone? Where is he?” Natasha didn’t answer as she grabbed the book from the counter and flipped through it.
Steve had brought Bucky to see Natasha a few times. So she knew what to look for and everything. Besides, she had him before.
“I don’t know Steve. I…I just don’t know.” Steve nodded and tried not to panic. He wanted to talk to Bucky. He needed to talk to him, just to know that he was okay.
Besides, there was so much more Steve had to say to him. There was still so much he didn’t know about Bucky. So much more he needed to tell him.
“When can I check out the book again?”
“Steve…”
“When?” Steve shouted, earning him a few glares from some of the elderly patrons in the library.
“In two weeks. But…”
“See you in two weeks.” Steve said, making his way out of the library.
The next two weeks were awful for Steve.
The joyful mood that he had when he was around Bucky vanished.
Sam kept trying to ask him about it, tried to make him feel better. But it didn’t work. Steve couldn’t tell him what happened. What was really bothering him. Sam wouldn’t believe him.
No one would.
Steve felt pathetic. He was acting ridiculous. It was only two weeks. He had lived 25 years without Bucky, he could make do with 2 weeks. He knew that. He hadn’t even known Bucky for a very long time. He didn’t even know anything about Bucky. Bucky never talked about himself. But Steve didn’t care.
He loved Bucky, he knew that much for certain. And he was miserable not knowing what happened to him. Not knowing when he would be able to talk to him again.
So walking into the library after two weeks , Steve felt a little bit anxious, but relieved at the same time. He would be able to get the book again and he should be able to talk to Bucky again. And then everything would be alright.
He quickly made his way to the back of the library to where Bucky’s book was located.
But when he got there, it was gone.
What the fuck?
Steve felt his heart fall in his chest and crush into a million pieces. This couldn’t be happening. This could not be happening.
“It’s gone.” Steve turned to find Natasha walking over to him.
“When is he expected to be back?” Steve was trying to be calm. He knew this could be a possibility. Someone else would come across the book just like Steve had. But it still made him upset.
“No one checked him out Steve. I came in here the other day and the book was just gone. Our records on the book were deleted. It was like the book had never existed.”
Steve couldn’t hold back the sob that erupted from him.
Bucky was gone. He was gone for good and Steve would never get to speak to him again. Natasha quickly pulled Steve to her in a tight hug.
“I’m so sorry Steve.” She whispered, running her hands along his back. Steve felt his body shake against hers as his sobs clamored out of him.
Natasha ended up taking Steve out to lunch that day. Steve had hung around the library with Natasha until she got her break, and when she offered, Steve felt like he was intruding on her day. Steve had declined but Natasha insisted. She also insisted on having Steve talk about Bucky throughout their lunch. She made him tell her about all the fun times they had talking and everything else. It was nice to be able to actually tell someone about it.
He even confessed that he loved Bucky. Natasha seemed to understand that. She had probably loved Bucky too.
How could you not love Bucky? He was just so lovable.
Natasha even told Steve about her time with Bucky, and how he helped her through a hard time in her life. Steve loved hearing about Bucky again. Loved hearing about all the good he did. It made Steve feel better.
Except when Natasha had to go back to work and Steve was left alone again.
Steve dreaded going back to his apartment. He would be back to being alone again. Maybe he could try calling Brock and seeing if he would be willing to give it another go. Anything really, just to get his mind off of all of this.
He opened the door to his apartment and almost had a heart attack.
There was a man in his apartment. And he was sitting on Steve’s bed like he was supposed to be there.
Had Steve walked into the wrong apartment or something?
The man stood up when he saw Steve walk in. He was tall and well, he didn’t look like the cleanest person at the moment. In fact, he really resembled a homeless person.
Steve wasn’t ready to deal with some random homeless person in his apartment. He was expecting to come home to an empty apartment, not to some stranger standing in his apartment like he owned the place.
The man’s hair was long, just to his shoulders and looked like it hadn’t been washed in weeks. His jeans were dirty and his shirt and jacket were worn and looked as if they had seen better days. The man was standing awkwardly next to the bed, holding his left arm in a weird way. Maybe something was wrong with it?
Steve didn’t really know, nor did he care at the moment.
But the man’s face is what really drew Steve’s attention. The man was probably about Steve’s age and really, he was quite handsome, even if he looked like a dirty homeless person. But the man’s eyes, they were the most beautiful shade of grey. They looked very haunting, as if they could see right through Steve to his soul. Steve wanted to get lost in those eyes.
Even if he didn’t even know the man.
Steve took a deep breath and stepped forward. He was about to ask who the man was when the man took a step forward.
“I’m sorry I’m so late, Steve.” Every muscle in Steve’s body locked up and his legs suddenly gave out on him. Steve gripped at the kitchen counter to keep himself from falling.
That voice. Steve knew that voice. He had wanted to hear that voice for weeks now. He looked up at the man, trying to find his own voice.
“Bucky?”
“I would have been here sooner but uhh, I woke up in the middle of Europe so I had to find my way back.” Steve couldn’t believe it.
This man. This man was Bucky. It couldn’t be. This had to be his mind playing tricks on him.
Steve took a few steps forward, trying not to run and tackle the man. He stopped in front of him and just looked up at him.
“Steve.” Bucky whispered, a small smile forming on his lips. Steve smiled back, reaching up to place his hand on Bucky’s chest.
The man was real. He was really standing in here. In Steve’s apartment. In the flesh.
And well, Steve couldn’t stop himself. He wrapped a hand around Bucky’s neck and pulled him down into a kiss. Steve knew he probably shouldn’t have done this, but hey, he had been wanting to do this for weeks now.
Bucky smiled into the kiss as he wrapped his arms around Steve, pulling him in closer. Steve pulled away to catch his breath, resting his head against Bucky’s chest.
“I can’t believe you are here.”
“Me either, actually.” Steve pulled away and grabbed a hold of Bucky’s hand.
“You know, you still owe me an explanation.” Bucky just smiled and Steve was sure his heart melted again. That smile would be the death of him.
“Tomorrow.” Bucky whispered, pulled Steve back to him. “I will explain everything tomorrow.”
Well, Steve wasn’t going to complain, especially since Bucky was kissing him again. Explanations could wait one more day.