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It's been one month since we entered the new year. It's still cold outside, and I can't do without my scarf and gloves to protect against the cold. As freezing wind glides across my cheeks, I can't help but shiver.
"Ugh, it's so cold... It's freezing again today."
"Y-Yeah, it is."
My body feels cold but... when I'm with Kita-chan, my heart feels warm and comfortable. It's already 8PM, and the sky is pitch black. I rely on the light from the street lamps and vending machines as I walk. I'm not good with bright streets with lots of people, so Kita-chan is walking together me on a dimly lit road without many people.
And even when talking with someone like me, she never stops smiling, and looks like she's thoroughly enjoying herself as she talks. I truly have a good friend... I steal a sideways glance at Kita-chan's face without her noticing, but lined up on the crowded street beyond her I notice a certain shop, and I stop in my tracks.
"...? What's wrong, Hitori-chan?"
"Oh, no... It's nothing."
For a brief moment, I open my smartphone's screen and check the calendar. February 10th... Oh, right, that must be a Valentine's Day advertisement. A gift for the person you like... huh. A sign of my gratitude to Kita-chan... or so I thought, but even if she received something from me she probably wouldn't be happy. After all, to Kita-chan, I'm just one of her many friends... Yeah, let's forget about it. I close my smartphone's screen, and once again start chatting with Kita as we head home.
＊
It's a day off, and we're gathered in the studio for a joint rehearsal. On Kita-chan's finger, there's a plaster that wasn't there yesterday. Just as I wondered what that was about, Nijika-chan kindly asked on my behalf.
"Kita-chan, what happened to your finger?"
"Oh, this? I got a little burn... but don't worry, I'm fine!"
A burn... so she didn't cut it on a guitar string. It doesn't seem too serious, which is a relief.
"I see, I got it... Kita-chan, fight on!"
"Ah! Ijichi-senpai, please absolutely keep this secret!"
"...?"
What are they talking about? While I'm wondering, Ryou-san puts her hand on my shoulder.
"Bocchi, it's getting close to the time for a free meal."
"Ryou-san... Don't tell me you're already out of money...?"
"Yeah, so lend me some."
"Uh, I don't want to..."
I brush off the bassist as she breaks down crying, and adjust the tuning on my guitar. In the meanwhile, I kept thinking about the meaning behind Nijika-chan and Kita-chan's conversation. What could be associated with a burn... maybe cooking? I don't know, so for now, I'll focus on the rehearsal. Putting the matter aside for the time being, I face my guitar.
＊
"We ended up buying quite a lot, huh~"
"Y-Yeah... Oh, I'll hold half of it."
"Thanks, Bocchi-chan. Then, take care of this please."
During our lunch break, Nijika-chan and I went shopping together. I took the bag that Nijika-chan passed me containing the drinks, and headed back to the studio. As we walked through town, I saw that advertisement again. Nijika-chan seemed to notice me looking at it and leaned forward, peering into my face before speaking.
"Bocchi-chan, are you giving out chocolates?"
"Huh? Oh, no, I mean, I wasn't planning to..."
"I see... Well, I'm going to buy some chocolates but, will you buy some too, Bocchi-chan?"
"Oh, uh, no... um..."
W-What should I do? I have to answer somehow. Why would I even buy chocolates? Give them to someone? No way. Yeah, I'll refuse. Alright, I'm gonna refuse. Refuse, refuse...
"Thank you for your purchase!"
"Ah, to think we got here just as there were two left. Lucky!"
"Ah, yeah... that's right..."
I ended up buying them... If only I could have refused, it would have been a lot easier huh... I guess I'll finish them off at home myself.
...Come to think of it, I wonder if Nijika-chan has someone she wants to give chocolate to.
"Um, Nijika-chan, are you giving them to someone?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah... well, sort of."
Nijika-chan gives a little chuckle, and her face turns slightly red as she answers. Somehow, seeing that, my own face starts to heat up.
"Bocchi-chan, you should gather some courage and give yours too."
"B-But... even if she got chocolates from me... there's no way she'd be happy about it."
"It's not about being happy or not, Bocchi-chan. It's about your feelings when you give them, at least that's what I think."
"Oh, okay..."
How I feel... when giving them... How do I... feel about Kita-chan?
After finishing our rehearsal and leaving the studio, it's snowing outside. It's been a while since I've seen snow, and my spirits are lifted a little.
"Wow, look, Hitori-chan... It's beautiful."
"Oh, yes... it really is."
Falling and glistening in the city lights, the snow is illuminated like a natural lights display. But even more than that, Kita-chan's profile as she looks at it shines brighter and more dazzling to me than anything else. I want to keep gazing at that radiant smiling face. I want to be the one to whom Kita-chan directs that smile. And in that moment, I realised.
I... I like Kita-chan.
＊
Finally, the day has come.
I put the chocolates in my bag and fire myself up. I'm going to give them. Today, I will give chocolates to Kita-chan! But it's not like I'm giving this as a confession or anything... just as a token of gratitude for everything she does for me. Absolutely.
Who am I even making excuses to, I ask myself as I bang my head against the wall a few times before leaving the house. But how should I give the chocolates? What's the right way? I don't want anyone else to see, and if possible, it would be best to give them at a time when I'm alone with Kita-chan. In that case, after school would be the best time... But then I'll be in constant anticipation all day... I wonder if I can endure it.
Burdened by anxiety and with a heavy step, I make my way to school. On the train, the bus, walking... I don't even remember anymore. Before I knew it, I had arrived at school. I feel so nervous that something strange might come out of my body, and it's a scary thought. I enter the classroom, and the sight of girls exchanging chocolates jumps out at me.
I see this scene every year, but even so I take a lot of damage... Valentine's Day is youth itself, and it's super-effective on me. But it's got nothing to do with me, so I sit at my desk in the classroom and patiently wait for the time to pass. Hurry up and end, school day...!
＊
I wish time could go back to the morning... It's already homeroom at the end of the day, and in despair I slump over my desk. I'm hopeless. I don't have the resolve or determination to give chocolates to anyone. Besides, I'm content enough with things as they are. For someone like me... just being able to be in a band is a miracle... to ask for more would just be greedy.
"Hitori-chan."
Calling my name and tapping my shoulder, there's only one person in this school who it could be.
"Ah, Kita-chan..."
"Hitori-chan, let's practice together today too!"
"Ah, I'll get ready right away."
I grab my guitar case and bag, and leave the classroom with Kita-chan. Yeah, I'm fine with things as they are. That's what I tell myself.
We go down the stairs and use the usual small space under the stairs for our practice. We spend our time playing a song we practiced before at the rehearsal, this time with the two of us. Playing the guitar with a serious expression, Kita-chan looks different from her usual cute self. She looks dignified and cool. I found myself mesmerised in admiration, but I distract myself by strumming the guitar strings.
After going through our practice routine, it's getting about time. The presence of people in the school has gradually faded, and it's starting to get dark outside.
"Shall we wrap it up soon?"
"Yes, I think so..."
I do some light maintenance on my guitar and put it away. It's so quiet, with only the sound of the guitar case zipper echoing through the room.
"Hi-Hitori-chan!"
"Hyah, y-yes!?"
Startled by the sudden loud call in the quiet space, I let out a strange voice. What's up with Kita-chan, I wonder as I turn around, and see her with a serious gaze, extending her arm towards me to offer me something. Wrapped in a lovely red packaging, it's probably chocolates.
"Uh, um... Kita-chan...?"
"Well... it's Valentine's Day today, right? This is for you, Hitori-chan..."
Kita-chan, for me...? Her hand holding the chocolates is trembling. It's my first time receiving chocolates. And what's more, it's from Kita-chan...
"Hi-Hitori-chan...?"
"T-Thank you... Um, I've never received chocolates before... so I was surprised..."
Timidly, I accept the chocolates from Kita-chan's shaking hand. I feel so happy I want to cry. But I still have something I need to do. I take out the chocolates from my bag and hold them out to Kita-chan.
"Um, this is... my return gift... Please take it..."
"Hitori-chan...! Are you sure...?"
"Y-Yes... I bought these at the store to give them to Kita-chan but... I'm glad I could give them to you...!"
Kita-chan accepts the chocolates from my hand, embraces them to her chest, and smiles with tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Thank you... Hitori-chan...!"
"Ehehe... I'm glad you're happy..."
I feel relieved. She's crying tears of joy over the chocolates I gave her, and it almost makes me want to cry too. Even though I couldn't express my feelings, just being able to give her the chocolates was enough for me.
"...Hey, can I eat them now?"
"Huh? Ah, yes... I don't mind..."
Kita-chan unwraps the chocolate and takes one, placing it in her mouth.
"...It's really sweet."
"Oh, um, if you don't like sw-"
It's true, it's very... sweet. The chocolate melted by Kita's heat flows into my mouth. Not just chocolate. The taste of Kita's saliva is even sweeter than the chocolate.
"..."
"Sorry, Hitori-chan... Did you not like it?"
"...I... didn't mind..."
"Then let's do it again... okay?"
Saying that, Kita-chan takes another piece of chocolate in her mouth. The two of us in the dimly lit space under the stairs, our fingers entwined, our bodies pressed together. The sound of our lips meeting, the warmth of our breaths, and the final chime signalling the end of the school day, all echo beneath the dark staircase. The first chocolate I ever received was sweeter than anything I had tasted before.