Work Text:
"Um... Just how badly do you want to talk about all this crush stuff?"
Jun furrows his brow as he stares at Chiaki, still wet from the onsen and more than a little confused. His senior (well, not necessarily his senior, but he didn't want to be disrespectful otherwise. Chiaki had at least been an idol for longer than him.) had been prodding at this subject relentlessly since they had arrived, and while it made some sense considering the goal of this, Jun thought that after the first 5 shut downs... Chiaki might finally get the hint.
Chiaki did not take hints.
In the back of Jun's mind, he acknowledges this, remembering the few times Makoto lamented how awkward and bad he felt having to be so blunt with his roommate on occasion. He simply never put all the dots together that he'd have to be dealing with that personally until just now. Why had he agreed to this..?
" Really badly! " The brunette exclaims, turning onto his side as he laid against the futon. He held a pillow to his chest and, were it not for the grown man behind it, the gesture would be almost teenage-girl like. "But. not just about crushes- romance in general! Have you ever dated, Sazanami?"
Jun's mouth goes dry, "Um."
"Wait right-" Chiaki bonks himself on the head. Teenage girl. "-I know you probably can't tell me that, but I can keep a secret, I promise!"
Somehow Jun doubts that. This guy is far too loud. "Well it doesn't matter either way I guess," He shrugs, "Cos I've never dated." He turned to fully face the ceiling because this was feeling far too slumber-party-like.
But, Chiaki leaned in. "Wow, I would've never guessed that!"
"Really?" Jun cocks an eyebrow, "How come?"
"Since Eden specializes in fanservice, I just kinda assumed you must've all had romance experience. Like, method acting!"
"Pfft- no way." Jun snorts, "Ibara would kill us."
Chiaki nods thoughtfully, "Yeah I guess he does seem like the strict type."
"Still," Chiaki shifts, flattening himself out but still on his side. His cheek rests half between his arm and his other pillow. "I wish I had a girlfriend."
Jun blinks in disbelief. That wasn't what he was expecting to hear from this guy. "Wait, what? Really?"
"Is that so hard to believe!?"
"Well, no I just..." He doesn't know why he started this sentence by saying that it wasn't hard to believe when it definitely was . Now he had to dig himself out of this nicely-worded hole. "... Kinda took you for, yanno?"
Chiaki stares. Jun stares back. "No.. No I don't know."
Ugh, fuck it. Jun bites the bullet.
"I thought you were gay."
No spit it out, spit it out! The silence that follows is so hollow yet it still manages to choke him. Jun feels like an idiot for even saying it.
"I- I just thought... I mean, before working with you I looked into you and stuff and I heard you took Hakaze-senpai on a date? I mean, Ibara told me that but still, he's rarely ever wrong. So I guess I just assumed. Plus, other things-"
"Other things?"
WHY did Jun say that. "The-" He feels like he's genuinely about to choke. "Just. Things."
"Ok..."
Jun smacks his head, then lets his hand drag down his face. "I'm so sorry senpai...."
Chiaki laughs, "It's ok! I'm comfortable with my sexuality, that's all." He assures but, he's a lot more mellow now, and Jun already feels so ridiculously bad.
"No, really, I am so sorry!" He couldn't believe himself, one of the few times he's talked to this guy and he's probably either deeply offended him or made him have some sort of crisis- or worse: sprouted forth a new insecurity! Jun didn't feel like he had fucked up this spectacularly since the filming and recording for EXCEED. "It was rude for me to assume, and even if it was true like... Who am I to say that? Or to ask you that? I guess I was just shocked because I assumed we were both..." Oh ok. Well now he's really said too much.
"That we were both-" Chiaki tilts his head, and you can practically see the gears turning, then the lightbulb going off in his brain. "Oh! So Sazanami likes men!?" He exclaims that far too loudly.
So many alarms are going off in Jun's mind now- there's a fire in his brain and all the little Juns in there are scrambling around to put it out and failing so, so miserably. But, could you blame him? He never expected to be outed (or out himself) on a special training getaway, especially not by a guy he barely knew.
"D-Don't just say that!" Jun exclaims, his voice shrill. He lunges forward to close the distance between them in hopes that it might urge him to be more hushed. "Anybody could be around right now, god damn man..!"
"Oh-" Chiaki's voice is at a much more normal level now, but even his normal level still feels far too loud. "Are you not.. out ?"
Jun sighs, "Of course I'm not."
"Oh." Chiaki deflates.
"I-It's fine just... you almost gave me a goddamn heart attack there. I really hope nobody heard that." He brings a hand to his temple, then the bridge of his nose. This was hard.
The self proclaimed hero turns onto his back, squeezing his pillow close to his chest, but not in the same manner as before.
"Maybe romance talk was a stupid idea.. I'm sorry, Sazanami."
"Hey-" Jun's hand falls, and he looks long and hard at Chiaki. Even if he's barely known the guy, seeing him like this is uncomfortable. "I just said it's fine, honest mistake. Now we both got things to be sorry over so.. That probably makes us even?"
Chiaki grunts, then he hums, and then he lightly laughs. "Yeah, I guess it does." He's smiling again, and Jun feels pretty satisfied. That is, until Chiaki's expression and tone drops. "But, I have to tell you the truth, Sazanami." He takes a long pause between words, like he's gathering the courage to say something that's felt forbidden.
"I think I might be gay too."
The hero's voice is barely above a whisper, but Jun still catches it. He's tuned in now, invested in a totally useless, gossipy and slumber-party-like conversation that had evolved into so much more. His eyes go wide.
Chiaki waves a hand above his head dismissively, revising his previous sentence. "Or like, bisexual or whatever! I have no idea, I just think sometimes I might be... interested in men, but I didn't think anyone knew!"
"What," Jun replies, incredulous, "Seriously?"
"Well, yeah as far as I know I'm pretty straight passing, as the kids say! I was just really surprised when you... 'clocked' me- also as the kids say."
"Oh my goodness," Now it's Jun's turn for a dry laugh, "So you're saying you expect us to just take you hyperfixating about shows mainly featuring men in tights and just.. Assume you're straight?"
"Well yes! Most boys love super heroes!! Plus, it's never been about the tights!"
"Ok, but what about all the touching?"
"The touching?"
"Your touching! You like, throw yourself onto every guy you see and you make it... Really prolonged too. I don't think straight guys tend to do that."
"Again, I'm just comfortable with my sexuality! And I love my friends!!"
"Yeah I bet you do love your friends don't you."
Chiaki's cheeks flush, "Hey!"
How they had devolved into this form of playful, friendly banter after almost a full week of awkward semi-avoidance (at least on Jun's part) was beyond either of their understandings, but it was comfortable. Something had almost shattered in Jun when he felt like the only connection he might have to his bombastic senpai was severed due to unfortunate heterosexuality, but in their teenage awkwardness they had managed to rekindle it again. So Jun laughed, and he smiled, and he let them both fall into silence as they laid back in their beds. It was Chiaki's voice ended up breaking that silence again.
"Sazanami? Are you still awake?"
"It's been like 2 minutes, when would I have fallen asleep?"
"I don't know just..." A pause, " I wanted to ask you another question. But, maybe it's inappropriate considering I am your senior..."
"Nah, shoot," Jun insists, shrugging his shoulders. "I don't think we really count for the whole junior-senior thing anyway. And, I don't really care, not right now at least."
"Well, ok..." Chiaki shifts, "How did you know you liked men?"
Not what Jun was expecting.
Still, he entertains it. He briefly tries recalling in his mind something like a first crush, a groundbreaking realization, anything, but he comes up with practically nothing- not from his childhood at least. Maybe it was because of the controlled environment, the fear, the struggle to survive. After all, In a place that was loveless, how could he do that? Let alone find the time for it? When did he start having "the time"? His mind swims, and he's frustrated, upset even. Childhood was when these things were supposed to manifest, wasn't it? So where was that for him, that first innocent romance?
The feeling buds into anger, anger towards himself, anger towards his father, towards the world. He wondered why he couldn't fit into it, no matter how hard he tried, and yet when he did he hated it. Being ordinary in comparison to his peers in Eden hurt so much, but-
-They loved him anyway.
That was it- in high school- when it started. He was never given time, or youth, he was simply given love. The time was always there, he was just busy hungrily scraping at it, consuming and digesting it to grow stronger and get the most out of every single little moment. But lately, he didn't have that ravenous hunger. Lately, he was full.
Jun rolls his tongue over in his mouth and against the back of his teeth, just to check that he can still use it, and finally, he speaks. "It kinda started with um.. this guy-" HiMERU, Kaname Tojo . "-There was a lot goin' on, but he still made time for me. I was nothing but he treated me like I was something . And, even if he was childish sometimes, so was I. We decided to bear it together." The warm feelings bud and bloom in his chest, he's surprised to experience it all over again. "It didn't take me too long to realize I liked him." But maybe by the time I did, it was already too late…
"So, an act of kindness?" Chiaki asks, voice genuine, and solemn, reflecting the same tone as Jun.
"Sort of. Maybe it wasn't kindness, I don't know. Either way, I liked him."
"Sounds fair enough."
"Mhm."
"But, if it was just him, I might just write it off cos our time was brief, like a spark that never really caught. But, even after that, I just kept meeting all these cool guys, who made my heart race. And, they pushed me to be something more, to be bigger than myself." They chose me, or at least he chose me. "Sometimes it was harsh, which I could take, but it never ended like that- it always ended with love. Sometimes it takes a while for us to get there but we always do."
"We? Do? Always !?" Chiaki sits up, excited once again, "Was that why you were so hesitant to talk to me about love, because you're already in a relationship!?" Oh so he could take a hint.
Jun stutters, flushed. "N-Nah, they could never think of me that way. 'Sides, it'd be more than a little complicated and..." Right now there's someone else , he thinks but ultimately decides to keep that to himself. "... Yeah."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
But Chiaki's too curious, and he lacks boundaries, so like usual, he prods. "And that's it for Sazanami's romance saga?"
Jun swallows, maybe he can keep it nice and vague…
"Um, no. I've got.. other prospects."
An audible gasp, jeez this really was a slumber party... "You have a crush!?"
Jun flinches, "Yeah..?"
"On a guy!?!?"
"Yes, a guy. I'm gay. I thought we established that?"
"Ok I just had to confirm! Who is it? Oh- Do I know him!?" Yup, definitely too comfortable.
"Actually I think that's enough for now-" Jun interrupts, his ears burning red. This is too much, he can't just talk about who he likes with the guy who rooms with him . That was like asking to have his feelings revealed, and if he hasn't revealed them the past 5 times Chiaki asked, he could continue to keep them a secret now! And preferably forever!! "Good night Morisawa-senpai!"
"Aww.." Chiaki groans, "It was just getting good...."
Jun gets up and counts himself lucky he's not talking to Hiyori. That guy would never let him sleep with a secret. "It's also getting late, we should get our rest for the final activities tomorrow, right?" He flicks off the light and clumsily feels his way back to his own futon.
"Okay, you're right... Good night, Sazanami!"
Finally having made it, Jun throws himself onto the mattress and a happy sigh. It was actually strangely nice getting this all off his chest. Maybe talking about his feelings wasn't all so bad? "Good night, senpai."
"And if you ever want to talk about your crush you can always come to me: The Blazing Red H-"
" Good night, senpai. "
It's nice to be back in his own room, Jun never realizes how much he misses it until he's there. The comfort of his couch, his snacks, Makoto in his lap. Yeah, this was the life, especially after such an intensive training camp and rigorous photo shooting. Jun had made it out of all of that alive, and with a new friend too- Who would've known he and Chiaki could be such fast buds? Maybe enduring hardships together really did make the best relationships!
Or maybe not- Makoto curses as the signature death sound from his game plays. They hadn't had to go through that much hardship to get where they were, right? Well, besides the Summer Live, or the defeat at SS. But that was like, small cakes, right? Most of their relationship was founded on video games and manga outside of all of that, so it didn't matter. Their idol lives didn't affect their private ones.
"That trial again?" Jun asks, resting his chin on the blonde's shoulder.
"Yeah! It really shouldn't be tripping me up, I know exactly how to solve it but I think they just did not properly play-test this feature enough! Or my Joycon drift is back! Or-"
Jun catches his blabbering lips in a kiss, and Makoto melts right into it.
Who would've known that Chiaki Morisawa could also be the perfect hype-wingman combo that Jun needed to finally confess? Even if originally Jun had lamented the very idea of telling someone so physically close to Yuuki about the feelings, knowing it was just a terrible trap just waiting to be hatched upon him, it was worth it. Jun was so happy to have Makoto by his side as he took the next big step in his adolescent life: his first relationship. Of course, Ibara wasn't all too happy with it, finding out far too soon and before either of them could properly work out a plan to "inform him," but it all still worked out.
Everything was perfect.
As Jun pulls away, he smiles. "Feel better?"
"At least a little..." Makoto pouts and shrinks into his shoulders like he just realized how desperate he was for the kiss, red dusting his cheeks and his ears.
Jun laughs, "Good~"
Then the death sound plays again.
"What the-!?" Makoto looks close to raging so Jun places his hand on the Switch, pushing it down.
"Maybe stop playing," He softly insists, kissing a line up the blonde's neck. "Just for now."
A nervous but excited giggle bubbles up from Makoto's lips, "Sazanami-kun..."
"Yuuki-san~" He breathes, pressing his lips against that beautiful jaw before Makoto grows impatient, and turns towards his face.
Mm.. mmm Yuuki-san, you're so cute... Mmm~
"So it's Yuuki, huh."
Jun's eyes shoot open. There is no Makoto, there is no room, there is no kissing, and worst of all- there is no Tears of the Kingdom. There is just Chiaki, looming over him and fully dressed. ready for their final day. But, he doesn't look very happy.
Jun was used to being unceremoniously greeted by his loud voice and blinding smile, but this was... Chiaki looked like a stone. What was it, Moai ? Before he even has a chance to respond, Chiaki is glaring down at him, evaporating all the word's in his mind. He didn't even know it was possible for the guy to seem this angry.
"No wonder you didn't want to tell me. After all, I am his room mate." The words could've been understanding in any other context, but with the way he was saying them...
"Um-"
"What are your intentions with Yuuki huh!?" And there was Chiaki's loud greeting, but it was much less friendly than usual.
"I-I-"
"Do you plan to use him!? That would be truly villainous- I won't allow it, Sazanami!"
Jun's genuinely at a loss for words.
"I heard what you were saying. I know what teenage boys like you want!"
Aren't we both teenage boys!? He keeps his damn mouth shut.
Chiaki jabs a finger against Jun's chest. "Let me be clear: if you ever hurt a single hair on Yuuki's head I will personally see to it you are stopped! Do you understand?"
"Yes! Yes sir!" Jun exclaims, suddenly fully awake.
"What was that!?"
"Yes, Morisawa-senpai, sir! I promise to never hurt Yuuki-san in any way shape or form, or act in any villainous manner!!"
Chiaki smiles, "Good."
"Now get up and get dressed we have to go to the mock speed-dating show, and then during our lunch break I was thinking we could watch an episode of Say Yes to the Dress- Hakaze recommended it. Really helps you get into the head of all those potential June brides, he said. And he said some other things but-" As Chiaki rattles off a list of their itinerary squeezed in with extra work he's planned and random ramblings, Jun collects himself and breathes. Brushing off the fact that he had just been threatened? Intimidated? Who knew- Maybe they were more alike than he originally thought. It was hard to meet someone as dedicated to their work and doing things right as he was. Jun appreciated it. So, despite all this terribly Yumenosaki-branded craziness, Jun's happy to have taken up this opportunity with him, and he hopes they can continue to be friends.
Though it may not turn out like his dream at all…