Work Text:
John's eyes are your favorite shade of blue;
they are the ocean and the sky, they are cerulean and teal,
and they are beautiful.
(he brushes the back of vriskas hand and she smiles)
He still smiles at you, but not as much as he used to;
he used to smile at you all of the time,
but there were a lot of things he used to do all of the time;
like text you,
and hug you,
and talk to you.
(he kisses her nose and she giggles and she kisses his lips and rose smiles sadly at you)
He would seek you out for anything and everything;
even if Rose was the therapist of your group,
even if she could help him better;
John only ever wanted you.
(she grabs his hand and he entwines their fingers and they smile at each other and you wish john would look at you like that)
Once, Roxy helped John get shitfaced;
and he messaged you, and it was hard to comprehend,
but he'd said he loved you, more than a friend,
and in the morning, it had been forgotten;
just words on the lips of a drunk, drunk boy,
you suppose.
(you hear her whisper "i love you john" and he whispers "i love you too vris" and your heart breaks that much more)
John had told you before that he hated PDA;
but here he stands, before an entire audience,
in a suit that is an awful teal color,
kissing Vriska Serket and promising the rest of his life to her.
(rose rubs circles in your back when he says "i do" but that doesnt stop the tears from coming)
You congratulate them stiffly;
and John asks if you're feeling okay,
if you need to go lay down,
or if you'd like to go home.
(hes so nice, hes too nice for you but hes too nice for vriska too and you want him to love you like he loves her)
You do as always;
and lie.
You assure him you're feeling fine,
that you're glad he's married to someone he really loves,
and he smiles and thanks you.
(then he leaves he leaves just like your bro and everyone else in your life you care about)
The two of you don't talk again that night;
and he only calls you when he remembers,
if he remembers,
and the night he calls and tells you he's going to be a dad,
you try to act happy.
But it doesn't work;
why doesn't it work anymore?
(you wish hed love you like he loves her you wish you wish you wish your heart hurts and your lungs are collapsing and you are dying and you want to you want to you want to)
You sometimes remember;
that John once told you he had a crush on you,
said he was willing to try,
and you turned him away.
You could have had him,
you could be in Vriska Serket's place,
and you know this is all your fault.
(too little, too late, you guess)