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Regulus ripped his hair, tugging on it as he drowned himself in a pool of misery. His breathing was haggard and even, sounds of pain emitting at odd moments. All he wanted to do was scream out all the pain, curl into a ball and continue screaming.
Screaming until he was hoarse, and maybe,
Just maybe…
In the next room, cries of his son drifted into the living room. But Regulus was still on the ground, choking on his tears and trying to expel the pain, and failing miserably. Soon he heard his son quieted down and guessed that it was Sirius who calmed Harry down. More tears sprang into his eyes at the thought, Harry doesn’t deserve such an incapable father.
Ever since it happened, Regulus had been like a broken glass, pitiful to look at and painful to touch. At points when it didn’t hurt as much, he wondered how Sirius had dealt with it. He was thankful for his brother, but Sirius had lost Remus too- his husband and lover to be this strong. Back then, Regulus had been the one to rock little Teddy to sleep and pick Sirius up from the floor, who had cried himself to sleep, or unconscious.
Thinking about it, his brother must have been in as much pain as he was now. It felt like being hit by the Cruciatus curse repeatedly. A vice was clamping on his heart at the same time. It also made his legs weak, rendering him crippled.
And it just hurt. It hurt his entire body.
Because James—his James. His beautiful, beloved, and dearest James had died protecting Harry and him from the Killing Curse thrown by Voldemort during the battle in Hogsmeade.
Regulus closed his eyes, seeing James’ shocked but relieved face in his mind, and wondered just how long more it would take for him to join his beloved sun.
Maybe if he imagined hard enough, he could feel James’ strong arms wrapping around his waist.