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Maya collapsed into the mattress, blissfully exhausted. Her and Carina had been making up for lost time which meant near enough every night for the past week had ended the same way, their bodies intertwined after hours of making love. They had always had a healthy sex life, but this was something different. It was as if every part of Carina’s body and soul had been perfectly moulded for Maya, and vice versa. They were on the same page mentally, physically, emotionally. They had never felt so connected to each other.
It was in this state that they lay when Maya began racking her brain on how to bring up something to Carina that had been on her mind. While she had come a long way in terms of communicating with her wife, the fear that overcame her at the mere thought of sharing some of her deepest thoughts was still very much there. Carina noticed the way that Maya had become slightly more stiff, her brows furrowing, and knew immediately that something was bothering her.
One thing the hellish past few months had taught the brunette was that the best thing she could do when Maya was too far into her own mind was simply be there. Carina knew that this new version of her wife was more aware of what she was feeling, and would talk to her when she felt ready. As much as Maya had worked on herself, Carina had spent time reflecting on her own behaviours. Their marriage was about balance, and both of them knew that they would do whatever it took to never lose sight of each other again.
Carina lay behind Maya, gently stroking patterns along her spine, something she knew comforted the woman. She placed a soft kiss to her shoulder, taking note of the subtle goosebumps that appeared on the arm of the blonde.
“I think I want to change my hair” Was the first sentence to leave Maya’s mouth, taking Carina by surprise.
“Oh?” The Italian replied, urging her wife to continue.
“I just-“
Carina could tell this was something Maya had been anxious to talk about, so she placed her arm around her waist, pulling her in tightly. She knew it was a gesture that Maya found comforting, being able to feel her wife surrounding her body provided her with a sense of safety, something that was rare in Maya’s life until she had met Carina.
“Remember I told you about my dad pulling my hair?” Carina nodded. “Cutting my hair after that felt freeing. It was like all this weight that had been pulling me down for my entire life was finally starting to get a little lighter. I guess in a way I felt like cutting my hair gave me back a little bit of control.”
Carina continued listening intently, not wanting to interrupt her train of thought.
“The past few months weigh so heavily on both of us, and I know we are working through it everyday together, but I feel like there’s something more I could do for myself.”
“So you want to cut your hair again?” Carina questioned, trying to understand where this was leading.
“Not necessarily cut it short again, but maybe just try something different? This journey i’ve been on has made me feel like a new version of myself, a better version. A version that values the important things, important people”
She stole a glance over her shoulder at her loving Italian. Tears threatening to spill from her eyes as she spoke, which seemed to be becoming a common occurrence anytime she thought about her love for her wife.
“I think I just want to look a little different on the outside, to remind myself of how much i’ve grown on the inside.”
A sniffle sounded from behind her as she felt a cheek rest itself on her shoulder.
“That sounds perfect bella, I will always want nothing more than for you to feel comfortable and happy. If you think this will be good for you then I am all for it.”
Maya turned around in her wife’s arms, feeling the need to look into her eyes.
“What did I ever do to deserve you, Carina Deluca?”
Carina smiled tearfully before replying. “It’s actually Deluca-Bishop. Plus I think we both got a good deal here.”
Carina pulled her wife impossibly close, as if she were trying to merge their bodies into one. Even then, she thinks it still wouldn’t be close enough. Maya was a part of her in every way, they were bonded in a way that neither knew was even a possibility in this lifetime. Supporting Maya in anything was the easiest thing in the world to her, and she would spend everyday proving that to the blonde if necessary.
“So…” Maya began, turning her body slightly to reach over for her phone. “I made a Pinterest board with some hairstyles I was considering”
“Of course you did, they don’t call you queen of the clipboard for no reason bambina” Carina teased, slightly in awe of her wife’s ability to plan absolutely anything.
“Hey! You are the only one who calls me that” She poked Carina’s shoulder softly. “Here, take a look” She handed Carina her phone and watched as she scrolled through the folder.
“Do you have a favourite?” The brunette asked, knowing this was a choice Maya would have to make for herself, although she knew that some of her own opinions would be appreciated here and there.
“I’m leaning towards this one” She clicked on a photo containing a blonde woman with a similar hair length to her own, bangs flowing over her forehead, stopping just above her eyes.
A smile crept onto Carina’s face as she pictured the hairstyle on Maya. Maya returned a smile, her heart fluttering at the visible excitement on her wife’s face.
“I guess that settles it then, bangs it is!” She announced happily.
“Sí!” Carina replied, matching Maya’s level of eagerness.
They lay silently for a while, both feeling the effects of their exhausting day catching up to them. Carina’s eyes were slowly closing, sleep taking over until she was pulled from the state by the woman beside her speaking up again.
“Car, you still awake?” She whispered.
“Sí, what is it bambina?”
“Do you actually like the idea of me with bangs? Or are you just agreeing to make me feel better?” She asked nervously, clearly battling some insecurities.
She opened her eyes, staring back at her favourite person as she spoke. “I promise, I think you will look amazing bella.” She placed a soft kiss on the blonde’s lips, her hand lingering on her cheek as she took in the beauty before her.
“I love you” Was all Maya could reply, slightly lost for words as she took the moment to count her biggest blessing.
“Ti amo” Sighed Carina contently.
They got comfortable again, revisiting their position in each other’s arms. There was nowhere else either would rather be in this moment, they were home.