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He felt so wrong.
He'd betrayed them, at the last minute. Everything was falling in line, and he'd fallen out of line. One protest of the problems building up for years had gotten him suspended from the touchline in the final home game. The farewell game for four of his boys, and he'd have to watch from the stands. He was allowed to come down for post-match farewells, but that was no more than a small candy after a bitter pill.
Worst of all, he knew that it shouldn't have happened. If the FA were at least consistent, he would've only been fined and it would've ended there. But that wasn't the case. He was suspended and his boys were left without him in their last match.
The FA had played their mind games, and he went from knowing he wasn't guilty to wondering how he'd ever thought he was innocent. He had been taken advantage of and there was nothing he could do. He had been foolish to think he could fight the system and come out unscathed. He had been naive to think he could win.
Thankfully, there were the players. Their bond with Klopp had only grown as the years passed, even if some had left the club. But Klopp thought he'd let his team down.
The team didn't think so.
*
"You got into trouble for speaking the truth!" Milner exclaimed. It only took one glance to see the Yorkshireman's disgust. "The FA has no idea how to make a correct decision."
Klopp knew Milner was right. Unfortunately, his conscience and heart couldn't agree. "It was my fault for getting mad."
Milner shook his head. "You should never be ashamed of speaking what you believe is true. What you said was the truth. That's why I admire you."
"I just can't believe I messed this up."
"Whoa there gaffer, now's not the time to blame yerself," said Milner. He could see Klopp overthinking from the outside. It hurt to know that he blamed himself for something entirely out of his hands and not his fault. "Yer too much of a kind soul to be beating yerself up. Let's call it a day, yeah?"
Klopp couldn't take Milner's words to heart. He was bitter, but he hid it. He wanted his boys to have the finest farewell they deserved, and he went ahead, opened his mouth and ruined it.
*
When Klopp told Elliott the bad news, his face burned with anger. He had never seen his manager so upset before.
"Those goddamn idiots better pay up! I can't believe they punished you! If those freakety freakin' freakers don't want to know the truth, they should just plug their ears with cotton and move the hell on!"
"It's..." I imposed hell upon myself. Everything was going to be perfect and I ruined the equilibrium. What kind of manager manages to do that? "No need to break a wall for me."
"I would do it in a second." Elliott took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "But you've gotta admit it boss, they're goddamn idiots."
*
"Just when everything's working well, I open my big mouth and ruin it." Klopp paced around his office, nearly knocking a lamp off its table. Anxiety only made his inherent clumsiness worse, and explaining his FA ban to Alisson was definitely a reason to worry.
"I'm so sorry. If I'd stayed quiet, nothing would've happened. The FA would've let me go, and everything would be fine--"
"Boss." Alisson gazed at Klopp, deep emotion in every nano inch of his pale green eyes. It was a common expression for the Brazilian, who wore his heart on his sleeve. Just like his manager, who currently looked more like a kicked puppy than one of the greatest football coaches in the world.
Klopp sighed and looked away, unable to meet Alisson' gaze. "I know, I know. You don't have to say it," he said softly. "This match means a lot to all of us. I wanted to do my part--"
"You're not wrong. The FA are just after money, OK? They never let us speak, never let us feel, never let us be human. We're just cogs in their machine, nothing more. We're replaceable for them, and they know it. But you will not let them win. You're going to make sure we win this match, even if you have to watch it from the Black Forest. Heck, even if you have to watch from Australia, you're going to make sure we win this match. You know why?"
"Because I'm me?"
" Sim , exactly."
"You don't need another reason?" he asked.
Alisson smiled and shook his head. " Chefe , you being you is all the reason we need to believe in you."
*
"Say it to me. 'This touchline ban is not my fault'. Come on, you can do it!"
"Thanks for trying, Gini. But it's not easy to do that when I still think it's my fault."
"Boss, listen to me." Wijnaldum's stare was intense, even from the opposite end of a Zoom call. It's time to let it go. And no, I don't mean building an ice palace on the North mountain and bringing a snowman to life...although that would be heck awesome."
"It would be," Klopp agreed, smiling for the first time that day.
"I'm serious, boss. The FA's messing with your mind. They're trying to get you down--what's most crucial is to ignore them." Wijnaldum glanced over his shoulder, rolling his eyes at the noise offscreen. "Sorry, but I'd better end the call. Mourinho is back with his 'respect' rants again."
Klopp shook his head, knowing better than to get involved in the drama. Mourinho was an effective manager, but his rants about respect became increasingly ridiculous and boring the longer it lasted. "I understand, Gini. I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"Okay, see you later!"
"See you later, and thank you." Klopp hung up the phone, already planning his next move.
*
During his press conference the next day, Klopp was hounded endlessly about his ban by reporters. Instead of complaining or protesting it like they'd expected him to, Klopp talked about the advantages of watching the game from above and how it helped statistically.
They'd thought that they would get him into trouble again, that he would land in hot water. But instead, Klopp took the high road and spoke respectfully about the positive aspects of the ban. The reporters were taken aback, and the conversation quickly shifted to other match-related topics.
Lijnders waited outside the door for Klopp when his press conference ended. Since Lijnders would be the touchline commander for the next game, the press wanted to speak to him, too.
"Nice going there," said Lijnders, high-fiving Klopp when nobody was looking. They had prepared Klopp's responses from the night before. "You sure showed them not to mess with us. You were awesome!"
Klopp nodded, gesturing towards an approaching group of reporters. "Now let's carry that out into the next game. I have the perfect plan..."