Work Text:
Growing up in a large family, Carlos had always heard that a wedding was exhausting and that the reception afterwards if done correctly would be the cherry on top. That it was a blur almost, so high on the feeling of adrenaline that you were almost guaranteed to forget some parts.
But for him, that was the furthest from the truth.
He’d made sure that neither their wedding nor reception was a blur, that he was savouring each moment because if nothing else, for a few hours the blanket of grief that seemed suffocating at times, almost felt bearable.
Carlos remembered standing in front of his friends and family, saying his vows and the aching in his chest at the notion of the one he missed most of all.
He remembered being at home in the loft earlier that day, standing in front of their mirror. Trying not to see his dad in every reflection. His mom telling him that they were doing the right thing. That there was never going to be one specific perfect moment, especially in their overly chaotic lives.
He remembered slipping the ring on his then fiancé, now husband's finger.
He remembered their first dance after the ceremony where Carlos had just never felt so safe. Like the only thing in the world that mattered where the two of them and nothing could get between them.
He remembered the moment of joy when they’d cut into their wedding cake (the one they’d managed to get their way on) and even though his husband had promised he wouldn’t, Carlos couldn’t help himself. Taking the piece they’d cut, and making sure more of it ended up on TK’s face than his mouth. The feeling of joy at that moment when he wasn’t thinking about his grief but instead the future right in front of him.
He remembered letting TK do the same, before being pulled into a kiss. A kiss in front of both his friends and family, something younger Carlos had never dreamed would be possible.
Then there was the moment alone that both he and TK had shared. It had been late in the reception and Carlos just needed a few minutes to breathe. He’d gone outside to one of the back decks, the music from the reception carrying all the way out, standing at the edge of the deck when he heard the quiet noise of the glass doors sliding open and shut.
“Hey, baby.” He quietly, before feeling a very familiar pair of arms wrap around his sides.
“Hey.” He said, not turning but instead letting his head fall back onto TK’s shoulder.
“Needed a few minutes?” TK asked, knowing his husband.
Carlos nodded, before giving in and turning, looking at TK directly. “Better now that you’re here though. It always is.” He said, giving him a small smile.
TK gave him a smile back but didn’t say anything. Not wanting to break the silence.
After a few minutes, Carlos knew somebody would come looking for them, breaking their embrace and extending a hand out to him.
“You sure you’re ready?” TK asked, more than willing to stay out there longer, just the two of them. Enjoying the quiet of the night.
Carlos nodded. “I want at least one more dance with my husband.” He said, a small smile on his face.
After that, Carlos remembered getting more than one dance with his husband, before eventually breaking away and finding his mom. Sitting at the table next to her, saying that this was the happiest day of his life before looking out and seeing his husband dance with Iris.
The ever-growing love he felt, somehow finding a way to expand and grow even more.
He knew marrying Iris hadn’t been the right choice, but watching his husband, the one dream he never thought was possible, dancing with her? It was hard for him to describe the feeling.
Then, he focused on sitting at the table, his husband on one side, his mom on the other. Two of the most important people in his life as Tommy stood up and sang the song that once reminded his husband of Gwyn, but now reminded both of them of the loss they shared.
And Carlos remembered when the reception came to an end. All of their friends and family telling them not to worry about the mess, that they’d take care of it. Andrea coming over and giving him the tightest of hugs, a quiet “We’re both so proud of you mijo. Take care of yourself.” Whispered into his ear.
Before watching Andrea move to hug TK as well, hearing the faint sound of “Please take care of him” whispered in his own ear, a promise from his husband that he intended to do exactly that
Their hands found each other like they’d done the majority of the day. before reluctantly letting go so could get into his blue Camaro. As Carlos started driving, their hands found each other again over the console of the car, the sight of their venue slowly fading out of the distance.
When their wedding first came up, their friends and family had been sure about renting them a hotel room for after the reception. Initially, they’d first been against it, considering the loft wasn’t that far away from their venue. But their families had insisted.
But now? Carlos missed the loft, he missed the feeling of safety and security that was hard to ignore within those brick walls.
The car ride was quiet for a few moments, the sound of soft breathing being the only noise between the two of them. But the silence wasn’t uncomfortable, it rarely was these days between them. Instead, it was peaceful, like just for a few moments everything was right in the world.
“I know we’re supposed to go the hotel…” Carlos started, before trailing off. Hesitating briefly.
TK gave Carlo’s hand a comforting squeeze, before nodding. “Let’s go home.” He agreed.
They were only going to be at home for one day before their scheduled flight to Rio (a flight they’d both had a long conversation about) but nothing felt quite right like the loft.
Not long after, they pulled into the loft parking lot. “Just stay here for a moment,” Carlos said as he parked the car before getting out, and going to open TK’s side of the door.
“Ready my husband?” He asked, reaching a hand out again for him to take.
TK had been Carlos his “husband” since they got engaged, but nothing could beat the feeling now. The feeling that they truly were husbands, there was nothing like it.
“Do you want to carry you over the threshold?” TK asked as they stood outside their door, giving Carlos a look, a small smile playing at his face.
Finding himself unable to hold it in, Carlos let out a laugh before shaking his head.
“Shouldn’t I be carrying you over the threshold?” He retorted, before opening the door, letting TK go in first.
TK went in, letting out a small smile when he was turned away from his husband, thinking about the laugh his husband let out. It was a happy laugh, the type just a few days ago both of them had feared they’d never be able to find again.
Letting the door shut behind them, Carlos let out a quiet sigh of relief as he just felt at home. There were so many moments that had taken place at the loft between them, and nothing besides the person he was with could calm his nerves as much.
The break-up, something Carlos tried not to think about anymore, even if he couldn’t deny that it ultimately made them stronger.
The moment TK realized he was going to ask Carlos to marry him.
The moment TK did ask him to marry him, at 3:18 in the morning no less.
The rehearsal dinner they’d shared just a few nights ago, both of their families coming together.
The double proposal where Carlos just couldn’t help himself because not much-made sense in the world anymore, but his feelings for TK were the one place he couldn’t get confused.
And every moment in between.
Placing a kiss on TK’s cheek, he made his way into the bedroom. Carlos hung up his suit jacket on the hook near the bedroom door, before letting himself fall backwards on the bed.
Letting out a quiet noise at the feeling of their mattress under his head.
He was exhausted, it was bone-deep, the type of feeling that even the best night's sleep couldn’t cure.
But he was content in that moment, and in love. Something he wouldn’t change for the world.
TK followed into the bedroom a few moments later, his suit jacket joining Carlo’s on the hook, being mindful of his husband and instead choosing to lean back against their headboard. “Come here?”
Carlos moved so he was leaning into his arms, letting TK surround him. Finding himself focusing on the safe and comfortable feeling.
“How are you feeling babe?” TK mumbled quietly into his curls, a noise barely audible over the quiet of their bedroom.
Even though he’d gelled his curls down at first, they were no match for the Texas heat. Something TK was entirely grateful for.
It wasn’t a question that TK could figure out how to ask a better way. “Are you okay?” Was worse because he knew Carlos wasn’t okay. He just.. needed to make sure his husband knew he wasn’t drowning, that he was there to help keep him afloat.
“Sad? Happy? All of it at once.” Carlos said quietly, taking TK’s hand and fidgeting with his wedding ring. Even though they hadn’t had engagement rings, there was something so comforting about the gold band on both of their fingers.
Like it always belonged there and always would.
Their promise of forever.
“Mhm.. anything I can do?”
“Can you just.. keep holding me?” Carlos asked, moving just slightly so he could give him a tiny smile. It didn’t fully meet his eyes but in TK’s arms? That’s where he felt the safest right now.
He still wasn’t perfect at it, but Carlos was getting better at asking for things he wanted. At least when it came to his husband. TK was there for the good and bad moments, and both of them had learned throughout the course of their relationship that neither of them was going anywhere.
TK pulled Carlos closer to him, both of them just sitting and enjoying the quiet. They were tired and exhausted from the day, and yet neither of them were ready to sleep.
“I talked to Mom earlier.. told her today felt like the best day of my life.” Carlos started suddenly, after a few minutes of quiet. TK not saying anything, not wanting to interrupt. Instead just tightening his grip as he listened to his husband talk.
“It was.. it really was. I just wish it didn’t hurt as much. It was the perfect day, I.. just wish he was here.” Carlos confessed softly, his words settling into the air of their bedroom.
It hurt, he wasn’t going to deny that but just letting them out in his safe place? It helped.
TK moved slightly from their hold so that he could put both of his hands on the side of Carlo’s face, the feeling of cold metal, a grounding situation for both of them.
“I... I know it feels impossible right now. That the pain and grief is overwhelming. But I promise one day, not today, not tomorrow.. not even next month, the pain will slowly become a bit less.” He started quietly, looking right into the brown eyes he’d grown ever so fond of.
“It doesn’t go away,” TK confessed, not wanting to give his husband false hope. It had been over a year since his mom had passed and he still felt it, especially at big events like his wedding.
He felt it when they went to the farmers market and he saw her favorite flowers, or when one of their favorite songs played on the radio while watching Carlos make dinner. TK perched on the other side of the counter, stealing the occasional bites of ingredients when he could.
“But, it will become more bearable. And I promise, like I said in my vows you’re not going through this alone. You’re not alone. You have your mom, sisters.. and me.” He said slowly, his voice gentle.
Carlos swallowed the lump at his throat, a few tears slipping down his face before feeling the ever-light touch as they’re brushed away. He let his head fall into the crook of TK’s neck, letting a few more tears fall.
It wasn’t as common they to take on this reverse role but Carlos ached for it, and it was right in front of him. So he took it. He let TK comfort him, being the support he needed.
“Are you okay after today too?” Carlos eventually mumbled, not moving his face. The concern still evident in his voice.
Even though it was hard on Carlos, he knew it was going to be hard on TK as well. The pain of his mom, and the grieving of his father-in-law. Grieving relationships that never honestly had the chance to be formed between all of them.
TK let the side of his head, fall into Carlos’s before nodding slowly. “It hurts. But I like to think they were there for us. Mom.. used to talk all the time about my wedding growing up... I don’t think she’d miss it now.” He said quietly.
'Do you.. think he was there?” Carlos asked, moving his head to look at TK directly.
TK paused for a moment, taking in his husband. He sounded so young, ike he was trying to find his way in the world again. Which in a way he was.
“I think he was. He loved you.” TK started, grabbing his hand, and running his fingers again over his ring. TK knew there was nothing he could truly say that would make the situation better but he was always going to try. Carlos had been there for him throughout, and TK was determined to do the same.
Not asking anything, Carlos just let himself stay in his husband's arms. “I... I also feel angry. Sad but angry. Like none of this was fair. For mom.. my sisters, me. It just wasn’t fair.” He confessed, holding on tighter.
“I don’t feel as angry as I did.. but still I feel angry.” Carlos knew it was a different type of feeling from the day when he’d truly almost lost it all. The day that TK and Owen ended up saving him. But those levels of anger don’t go away easily.
But somehow, throughout all of the hurt and anger he felt, there slowly started to be a newer feeling. A light feeling of happiness, and a sense of pride.
It was a complicated mix, the feeling of hurt over his father but the happiness of now being a husband. Of having everything he used to only dream about.
Because throughout everything, he’d been able to get up in front of everyone and declare his love for the person who meant the most to him in life. They were married, they had rings, a marriage certificate and a shared last name between them.
“Reyes-Strand.” It was a mouthful and yet Carlos couldn’t have asked for anything less. He knew forms would be more of a pain to fill out, the uniform department at both of their jobs wasn't going to be pleased and yet, at that moment he didn’t care about anything else.
Carlos knew TK was the one person who could understand how he was feeling about this because TK had been through it. One of the easiest things to say when grieving was “You don’t understand what I’m going through. But TK did.
He lived it, he experienced it. And he managed to get through it. With his support system and with time. It wasn’t a grief either of them wanted to share but it helped them understand each other on a different and deeper level.
“Can you promise me one thing?” TK asked quietly, holding onto Carlos’s hand tightly.
The tone of his voice grabbed Carlos’s attention, finding himself nodding. “Anything.”
“Tag me in. No matter what you’re feeling, sad, hurt, angry?” TK didn’t care if it was something like the tunnels in an abandoned house, or figuring out exactly what happened to Gabriel. Even if it wasn’t something he completely agreed with, he wanted Carlos to let him in. They were a team, no matter what and were stronger together than they were apart.
They could fight and argue, TK could stew in the bedroom, Carlos on the couch. He didn’t care. But TK wasn’t willing to let them go through what happened last time, happen again.
“We’re a team.. and whatever moves we make, we make them together okay? And if it’s bigger than us, we can ask Owen.. or whoever you think is best.” He finished, looking at Carlos.
Carlos nodded, pulling his husband in for a kiss before letting their foreheads rest together. “I’ll tag you in. I promise.” He said honestly.
“We promised a lot of things today.” TK said with a small smile.
“I know, your vows made me cry.” Carlos joked, letting out a smile. A real smile, one that reflected back in his eyes.
Even though TK had seen that smile numerous times throughout the day, seeing it again was almost enough to bring him to tears. Knowing that even throughout the pain and loss, neither of them was gone for good. That they’d always find a way back to each other.
“Okay Mr. “I memorized my vows.” He teased back.
Carlos let out a laugh, “I love you.” He said gently, still with a smile on his face.
“I love you too,” TK responded, before pulling him for a kiss again.
They’d kissed many times throughout the day.
The ceremony, the reception, and many times in between. And yet this one was perfect. The type that sends tingles down your spine and reminders you that even in the darkest of times, there is light to be found.
“I know it’s late.. but do you think any of our usual takeout places are open?” Carlos eventually mumbled as they pulled out of the kiss.
TK raised an eyebrow but didn’t question it. Knowing he would do anything to keep his husband happy, no matter what challenges were ahead.
“Should we check?” He asked.
Carlos nodded, getting up from TK’s lap, reaching a hand out again, letting his husband take it.
“The one thing people forget to mention during your reception is how you forget to eat. And most of my cake ended up on my face rather than my mouth.”
TK blushed, before biting his tongue. “I-..”
“Don’t you dare.” Carlos pointed with a knowing look, already having an idea of the type of comments circling through TK’s head.
“How about Thai food and then I’ll say what I’m thinking?” TK asked, a light expression on his face.
Carlos smiled before nodding. “Yeah, I think I’ll take you up on that promise.”