Chapter Text
Immalleable
Darth Vader entered his son's bedroom but didn't see the boy anywhere. Coruscant's sun was going down, it was going to be night soon, and he knew his son planned to go out. So what he could possibly be doing now was beyond his father's imagination.
"Luke?"
Through the door to the boy's private fresher, he could hear Luke's muffled response, "I'll be out in a minute."
The dark lord shook his head. Some days he swore there was no use trying to figure his child out. If he'd been smart he probably would've given up on that long ago. Luke's mind had a tendency to roam a dozen different directions at any given time, it wasn't that the boy was flighty, for lack of a better word, it was just that his brain tended to work in multiple dimensions compared to most, his own father's included.
The door whooshed open and Luke stepped into the bedroom, dressed in a colorful set of robes and a black mask tied around his eyes.
"Well, how do I look?" he asked, the eagerness for his father's approval evident in his voice.
Of course Luke knew his father could only see everything in a neverending shade of red, but it had never stopped him from asking his father's opinion.
"You look very nice, Luke."
He knew that Luke had spent a long time working on his costume. The seasons were changing, the nights were growing longer and colder, and the time had come once again for Coruscant's masquerade festival. Tonight thousands of people dressed up in gawdy and brightly colored costumes would be out in the streets, drinking, dancing, laughing, vendors would sell everything imaginable, there would be all kinds of game booths set up, it was a time honored tradition, and his son was going to be among them, as he was every single year.
Ordinarily Vader would go with Luke, just to keep an eye on the boy and make sure he was safe and stayed out of trouble. One year when Luke was younger and Vader hadn't been able to keep an eye on him the whole night, he took all the money out of his wookiee bank and spent about all of it at a slug thrower gallery trying to win a mini speeder. The Rodian running the gallery had accused Luke of cheating and Vader had come upon the scene just in time to see Luke biting him. Those were the instances where his reputation in the Empire suffered the most credibility damage, not his own policies, but the times Luke went out in public and acted like a wild animal. Thankfully those were few and far between, but for many years after that he made it a point to watch Luke every year at the festival just to make sure there weren't anymore incidences.
This year however there was Imperial business to tend to that couldn't be avoided, and Luke had nagged his father that he was 18 and didn't need a chaperone anymore. In theory, Vader knew this to be true, but he'd spent 18 years raising his son alone after his wife, Padme, had died in childbirth. It had been his first and foremost job for almost two decades to keep his child safe, it was hard to accept that that responsibility had now shifted to Luke. There was so much he still didn't know, Vader knew he would learn it in time but the very idea was almost enough to give him an anxiety attack.
Luke went over to the window and looked outside. The sky was turning colors as the sun started to set, and down below and as far off as the eye could see, a crowd was starting to gather.
"I'm going to be late," he said as he turned back towards his father.
Vader put his arms out to halt his son for a moment before he just zipped out the door.
"I know that you know to be careful," Vader said, "and I know you're 18-"
"Father," Luke was already rolling his eyes in anticipation of a lecture.
"But I don't want you staying out late," his father finished, "I want you back home at a regular time."
"I will," Luke pulled away and stepped around him, "I promise!" and with that he was out the door, calling behind him, "Bye, Father!"
If it would've done him any good, if it wasn't for his respirator, Darth Vader would've sighed. He went over to the window and looked down at the palace grounds. A moment later he saw Luke running across the grass to catch up to the foot traffic that was amassing far down the road.
Behind his mask, in his head, Vader chided himself for being such a sentimental fool. That was his secret he kept from the galaxy, one of anyway. He couldn't help it. It felt like he'd spent Luke's whole life trying to slow time down so his son didn't grow up too fast, but he grew up all the same, in the timely manner that all children did. First a child learned to crawl, then they learned to walk, they learned to go up and down the stairs with both feet on each step, then they learned to climb with one foot on each step. When they first learned to walk, they learned to hold your hand, and then one day, they let go, and once they let go, they never held your hand again. Luke had done that long ago, but this just felt like more of the same, that Luke was one step closer to running out of his life entirely. It wouldn't be too much longer now before the boy left home for good, met a girl, got married, started a family of his own, and then he'd be in the exact same ship as his father.
Sentimental fool indeed. Vader shook his head, trying to clear his mind. These various thoughts had entered his mind semi-regularly from the time Luke was a baby. Most of the time he'd learned to tune them out, once in a while though they were more resilient. He pushed it to the back of his mind. Luke would come home tonight, as he always did, he wouldn't be moving out anytime soon, there was time for this discussion later, right now he had to meet with the other members of the Empire.
Luke was having the time of his life. This was the closest experience he'd ever had to flying while he still had both feet on the ground. The whole night had been like that. He loved the masquerade festival. He loved losing himself in a sea of people, all dressed up and masked, he could just blend in and nobody knew who he was, nobody held him to any expectations as Darth Vader's son, nobody expected him to conduct himself 'appropriately'. For a few hours he could do what he wanted and just enjoy himself. He felt like he was spinning, the stars above blurred together when he looked up, he was lightheaded and dizzy but it felt good. He'd spent the night listening to street performers play music, he'd danced with several girls in shimmering gowns and masks, he'd enjoyed exotic foods commonly found in other systems, he'd tried his hand at several games of chance and won a few smaller prizes, which he gave to one of the girls he danced with or a small child passing by with their parents. He didn't care if he didn't take anything home with him, just winning had been enough for him.
The music wasn't stopping anytime soon, and the people were still dancing. Luke knew it was getting late, and he knew he'd promised his father he'd be home on time, but he was just having so much fun, he hated for it all to end so soon. Surely it wouldn't matter if he was just a few minutes late getting home.
The problem was in a crowd like that, time could fly by so quickly simply because so much of it was just trying to push past everyone else. You blinked, and somehow an hour had passed. Luke hadn't been paying too close attention to the time, but at one point he looked up and saw just how dark the skies were, and his internal chrono told him he should've been home hours ago, and a cold streak of panic ran down his back. Father was going to kill him!
Now he really was pushing and shoving his way through the crowd, trying to get out of it so he could hurry home. His only hope was if his father had gotten tied up on work for the Empire and wasn't home yet himself. He could never get that lucky though. His father always seemed to have a sixth sense when Luke did something wrong. He was going to be in so much trouble when he got there.
He was never going to get there at this rate. There were too many people. An hour, two hours, four hours ago it had been fun to lose himself in the middle of this sea of people, now it felt like a rip tide trying to pull him under and drown him. He'd never get back home this way, he'd have to try a shortcut. Using all his strength and momentum, Luke pushed his way past a small group of people to turn off at a corner and duck into an alley behind several of the establishments on either side of the festival.
It was dark in the alley, around the corner there were lights everywhere, here there were none, except for the faint glow of the stars above, and a sliver of the moon that had come out that night. Luke fell against something that made a metallic clang and he guessed it was a set of durasteel trash cans. Something reached out and grabbed him and he fell off balance.
"Where do you think you're going?" a gruff voice asked him.
Luke couldn't make out anymore than an outline in the dark, he scrambled to get to his feet and apologized, "I'm sorry, but I've got to get home."
"No," the single word was spoken with an ominous air like Luke had never known before. "You're not going anywhere."
Luke heard sounds around him, footsteps from other directions. One, no, two other people, he was sure of it. He struggled against the man who had him by the arm and tried to get loose but he couldn't. Though he could hardly see anything in the dark alley, he could see that all three of them were closing in on him. He didn't have any idea what it was they wanted, but he had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that he did know.
"No..." the word was barely audible even to him, but it came again, as he futilely struggled and tried to escape, "No...no...no...no!"
He felt another set of hands on him, two of the men practically lifted him off his feet. He writhed and kicked and struggled but it was all to no avail, they were too strong and he couldn't get loose. A deafening sound of fabric ripping mixed with the sudden sensation of cold night air on his skin sent a new set of chills through Luke's body, inside and out. The next thing he was aware of was being shoved face first to the ground, and one arm being pinned behind his back so tight it felt like it was going to snap. Luke yelled as loud as he could but with his face pressed to the ground his screams were faintly muffled, not that it would've made any difference. The night's festivities were still carrying on enough that around the corner, nobody would've heard him anyway. It didn't stop him from trying to scream louder when he felt his legs forced apart and felt the weight of one of the men on top of him. No matter how hard he struggled, he couldn't get loose, they pinned him down, and their sick laughs of amusement filled his ears and were almost enough to drown out his own screams of pain and terror.
Captain Han Solo of the Imperial Navy sauntered through the streets with a cigarette between his lips and a tired but contented feeling coursing through him. He had a weekend pass and he was making the most of it taking in the sights and sounds and tastes of the masquerade festival. He was full from a good Corellian meal like he hadn't had in ages, he was a little tight from the Corellian whiskey he'd had over at the liquor garden, and he was a little buzzed from a fruit flavored stimulant shot a charming little number with green skin had offered him, he suspected there was something else in it but so far all it was making him feel was low energy like a ship's generators beginning to start up, he half suspected he'd feel the full effects of it in about an hour. He'd lost a few credits playing the space carnival games but he'd won it back and then some in a sabbac tournament being held at one booth. All in all it had been a pretty good night.
It was late, the foot traffic was starting to die down, people were starting to call it a night and leave the festivities in exchange for a warm bed at home. That sounded pretty good to Han too, that and a hot shower, it would've sounded better if he could've gotten that green skinned girl to go back with him, but that was neither here nor there. Now was the part of the evening Han Solo always hated, trying to remember which square he'd parked his land speeder at. That was the one downside of an event like this, everybody parked their speeders and ground coaches everywhere but especially, most of them were piled as close to the action as possible, everybody figured they'd be first in and first out. Yeah right, good luck. First in maybe, but when everybody's scrambling to head home, it could take an hour, at least, just to even get to your speeder, then you had to wait for all the other morons to finish clearing out so you didn't ram into anyone on takeoff. Han was smarter than most, he'd parked his speeder in a back alley away from everyone else. The alleys tended to be narrow enough most people wouldn't even think of landing their speeder there, that however was a moot point for in his opinion the best TIE fighter pilot in the Navy. He could fly anything anywhere, out of any space any size, no problems, if it could fly, he could fly it, if nobody else could maneuver out of there, he could.
So he could clear out of there an hour or two before most people would leave, and actually get a few hours of sleep before reporting back for duty in the morning.
Han suddenly stopped in his tracks and looked around. Nothing seemed anymore out of place than it had been all night. He wasn't sure what it was, if he'd actually heard something...or if it was just a feeling. There wasn't anyone there that he recognized, as far as he could tell, nobody had called to him. And yet...something made him turn around and look every which way, like he was missing something. The crowd that was still there all seemed to be enjoying themselves and very gradually wearing down for the night, it didn't look like anything was wrong anywhere.
Shaking his head, Han decided that stimulant was finally taking full effect, he took another step, then stopped again. Whatever it was, it was there again. He turned one way, looked, listened...turned the other way, and he picked up something. A faint, muffled sound from somewhere nearby that wasn't part of the night's gala. Han tried to follow the sound and came to a corner between two buildings leading to the alley.
Walking through a dark alley, what could possibly go wrong? That was one of those stereotypes in any bad holo horror flick. On the other hand, why draw attention to yourself before you knew what or who was in there? Han parted his teeth just enough for the cigarette to fall out on the ground as he stepped further into the alley. His hand automatically went for his blaster holstered at his side. The sounds were getting louder and more distinct, now he could hear the sounds of several people, some were talking but the words weren't clear, it also sounded like there was a struggle taking place.
Blaster drawn, Han reached with his other hand for a portable search light. He turned it on and made a sweeping motion to cover as much of the alley with one move of the light as he could, and what he saw, though he reacted before his brain could fully process just what he witnessed, made him sick.
There were three human men, maybe 30s, maybe 40s, he didn't know, it didn't matter, and there was a fourth body pinned on the ground underneath them. Like animals, their heads jerked up in sync at the sight of the light, they yelled and swore at whoever it was that had interrupted their fun, and Han had a good idea they would have no compunction about doing to anyone else what they were doing to the person trapped under them.
Han had his aim set for the one who was right on top of their victim, one blaster bolt to the head finished him off and he was fried before he crumpled to the ground. His two partners in crime had just enough time to react, but not enough to get out of the way before they met the same fate. Their bodies slumped over in a heap, the cold night air was filled with the combined stench of ozone and burnt flesh. Han lowered his blaster but didn't holster it yet, he had no idea what he was walking into as he stepped over to the fourth person in the alley.
He could tell it was a young man, naked, bloody, bruised, facedown in the dirt and with a muffled sob he seemed to be trying to press himself even tighter against the ground as if willing himself to curl into a ball and disappear.
"You're safe now," Han told him as he cautiously approached, "no one's going to hurt you now."
"Captain Solo?"
He knew that voice. He blinked before realizing he also knew the young face that was staring up at him, face blackened with dirt in places, eyes wide and glazed over, tears running down his face.
Han felt his heart drop down to his stomach.
"Luke."
Everybody in the Imperial Navy knew who Darth Vader was, slightly fewer people in the Navy knew about his family, and only a handful of members knew Vader's son personally. Han had been brought in on an interim assignment a couple times to serve as one of Vader's wing men when the dark lord took to battle against enemy fighter ships. When they returned after the fighting, Luke had been there waiting for his father, Han had gotten to meet him, and for no more contact than they had, he liked the kid. He was bright eyed but intelligent, he would make a hell of a pilot himself one day, and mutually for the constricted time frame, he liked the captain as well.
Han felt like his brain had shut down, for a few seconds he just stood there with his jaw dropped, his eyes wide and his mind completely blank. What, how, what, what should he do first? He was scrambling to actually come up with something when he caught something in the beam of his search light. A set of trash cans had been knocked over against the back of the building, there was something sticking out of the top of one, long and white that looked like a sheet. Holstering his blaster, Han snatched it up and realized it was a plastic curtain, it would have to do for now. Working quickly before his brain had too much time to think, Han draped the curtain over Luke and got it wrapped around him to try and preserve some of the poor kid's dignity. Luke was shaking like a leaf and sobbing hysterically, it took Han about a minute to realize there were actual words coming out as well.
"Please!" Luke grabbed two handfuls of the captain's shirt and begged, "please take me home."
Han felt like his brain was stuck in swamp muck, instinctively he knew what he had to do but it still wasn't clicking. He gathered Luke in his arms and hugged the kid tight, feeling how cold his skin was and feeling how hard he was trembling and told him softly, "It's going to be alright, Luke, trust me."
Chapter Text
Han had gotten Luke in his land speeder and they'd taken off for the Imperial palace. Luke was still hysterical and futilely tried to explain what had happened, it didn't matter, Han didn't need the specifics of the how or why, he knew what had happened. He tried to get Luke to calm down, he did a little, only enough that he could actually talk now.
"You don't have to tell my father about this," Luke begged him, "you can just drop me off by the back entrance and nobody will have to know."
"Sorry, kid, I can't do that," Han said, "and this isn't just because your father would snap my neck if he found out I tried to hide this from him. He has to know, Luke."
"No!" Luke shook his head. "You don't understand, I wasn't supposed to be there. I was supposed to be home hours ago, if Father finds out about this he's going to kill me!"
"No he won't," Han told him. "Your father loves you, Luke, he'll know this wasn't your fault."
"I told him I'd be home early, I told him I'd be careful, he's going to hate me," Luke was talking more to himself now than the captain.
"Luke," Han reached over and nudged his shoulder, "stay with me, we're almost there."
"Please just land in the back, if I can get in without anyone noticing I was gone," Luke was half murmuring his words.
"That's not an option, Luke," Han said as they came upon the palace. "We'll get you to the med bay, they'll get you fixed up, you'll be alright."
"No, no one can know about this," Luke turned to him.
"Luke, you can't hide this," Han said as they landed.
"My father cannot find out about this."
Han shook his head as he helped Luke out of the speeder, "I'm sorry, Luke, but that's just not an option."
"Why not?"
Luke's blood ran cold as he got his answer in the next second.
Darth Vader was coming down from the front entrance.
Luke's whole body locked up, his eyes doubled in size and his jaw dropped, "Father!"
And with that his whole body slipped through Han's grip like jelly and he fell on the ground in a heap.
While Han was trying to get Luke loaded in his speeder, he commed his superiors and got them to patch him through to the palace guards, who got him on a direct link with Vader. Struggling with every inch of his being to stay calm and not give in to the panic that was threatening to bubble over in him, the captain gave the dark lord as detailed of an explanation of what had happened as best he could given how little he actually knew of the situation. Luke had been in full blown hysterics and bordering on shock at the time and hadn't realized the conversation had even taken place.
The next few minutes passed excruciatingly. Vader knelt down and helped Han pull Luke to his feet, and with each man standing on either side of him they kept his body supported and walked him up to the door and into the palace and made their way through the corridors to the palace med bay, all the while Luke's whole body shook and trembled as he screamed and sobbed both hysterically and incoherently.
A team of droid and human medics were waiting for them. Two human medics got Luke on an exam table but when they tried to unwrap the curtain he was draped in, he went into fight or flight mode and shot up on the table trying to escape, then screamed even louder when he was pinned down so they could restrain him.
Han made his way to the table and stood by the side and leaned down so he wasn't hovering over Luke and firmly told the teenager, to be heard over both Luke's screaming and the pandemonium of the bay room, "Luke, Luke, look at me, look at me, okay? Just focus on me, can you do that?" Luke's eyes looked at him but they weren't quite focused. "Just look at me, Luke, listen to me." Luke let out a pained sob at the probing exam, Han inched in closer to Luke till his forehead was practically touching the blonde's, "I know, I know this is hard, but just look at me, just try to ignore everyone else in this room, okay? Here," he grabbed Luke's hand and told the boy, "you squeeze my hand as hard as you have to, okay?"
Luke choked on another pained sob as he gripped the Corellian's hand with everything he had, which was stronger than Han had expected. Luke squeezed his eyes shut and let out another incoherent yelp and cried out to the man standing behind him, "I'm sorry, Father! I'm sorry!"
"Luke!" Han forced the kid to look at him and told him firmly, "Listen to me, you don't have anything to be sorry for, this was not your fault, you didn't do anything wrong, they did, nothing you did gave them any right to do this."
Vader chanced placing one gloved hand on the back of the boy's head and told him, "Captain Solo is correct." Through his neurotransmitters he could feel Luke trembling violently. To the dark lord it seemed to be taking the medics forever to tend to Luke's injuries, he could only imagine how eternal it felt to his son.
At one point, a human medic informed the dark lord, "We need to turn him over to better assess his injuries."
"NO!" Luke screamed, pressing himself flat against the exam table and making himself a dead weight.
"Luke, listen to me," Han maintained contact with the boy and told him, "you're doing great, but you have to let them do their job."
Luke squeezed his eyes shut tightly and shook his head, mumbling to himself behind pursed lips.
"I know, I know you don't want to do this, I get it, believe me, I do," Han told him, "but the sooner they can finish the exam, the quicker it'll all be over. You've just got to hang in there."
Luke let out an incoherent sob as he was turned on his stomach, he maintained a death grip on Han's hand and wrapped his other hand around the captain's wrist and pressed the side of his face against the Corellian's hand as he tried to will away the more invasive turn the exam had taken.
Luke wouldn't look at his father but he continued to hysterically apologize while Han tried to keep the boy's attention on him and off everything else that was going on. After a while Luke had to be sedated because he couldn't calm down and his vitals were steadily climbing into stroke territory. After a few more minutes of futilely struggling to stay awake, Luke fell into a medicated sleep which allowed the medics to work quicker and with fewer difficulties. Vader stayed at his son's bedside as the exam continued, and was finished. His red, unblinking lenses stared down at the battered face of his child, his child, wondering how this could have been allowed to happen? He blamed himself, he should have gone with Luke, he should have postponed meeting with the other members of the Empire, he should have done something. This should not have happened, not his son, not anyone's child but especially not his child. If Padme knew how he had failed their son...it was impossible for anyone else in the room to know it, but behind those dark red lenses his own eyes squeezed shut as he tried to block out that thought and the pain that came with it.
The medics treated Luke's wounds with bacta patches and cleaned him up as they dictated their report of the exam, confirming what Vader had already partially known and largely suspected: Luke had been violently raped, multiple times, and by multiple people, most likely for hours on end. Captain Solo had said there were three men on top of him, he had killed all of them before he even realized that Luke was the victim. There was small solace in that, it saved the dark lord having to leave his son's bedside and track them down himself, but as Luke's father, that should have been his responsibility. He could've gained some closure from personally seeing the scum of the universe who violated his son dying painfully and knowing why they were, but that situation being taken out of his hands especially left him feeling powerless and beside himself and unsure what steps to take now.
After the exam was completed, Luke was swaddled in a med bay robe and moved to a bed where he was hooked up to IVs to administer fluids, pain medication, antibiotics and antivirals to combat any potential diseases he may have contracted during his attack. Once he woke up they would place him in the bacta tank for a full treatment and go on from there.
The medics told Vader that Luke should sleep for several hours. He knew that was partially their hint that he didn't have to stay and he wouldn't miss anything if he left, but he couldn't do that. He couldn't leave his son now. He stared down at Luke, his face was hardly recognizable for all the cuts and bruises he'd sustained during his attack, though the bacta had helped with some of that. He could only hope that Luke's drug induced slumber was one of blissful oblivion, no dreams, no memories, it was bad enough he'd have to live with this when he was awake, he didn't need the horrors of it following him into his sleep as well.
Carefully, the dark lord reached down and lightly grabbed Luke's hand in his own, letting the boy feel his presence, if he actually could. They were bonded through the Force and because of that there were times they were able to communicate with each other telepathically, though it wasn't foolproof. Right now he hoped against all hope that Luke could hear everything that his father wasn't able to put into physical words currently; the simultaneous pain and love he felt for his son and what he'd been through, that it was over, he was safe now, no one could hurt him now, no one was going to hurt him again, he had lived through the attack itself, he could survive what came next.
In his sleep Luke moaned through closed lips as he curled on his side in a fetal ball and grabbed his father's arm with both hands and squeezed his father's glove clad hand against his armpit for a tighter hold, as if he were clinging to a lifeline.
In theory, Vader could break Luke's hold on him with no effort, but he couldn't. He stood there in an uncomfortable position for two hours before Luke finally let go of his arm as he turned over on his back again, his body uncurled and his legs splayed straight out. Vader draped the blanket back over his son's body to keep him warm while he slept, even tucking the corners behind his shoulders, something he used to do when Luke was little and got cold in the night.
Turning towards the human medics, Vader told them, "You will inform me when there's any change in his condition."
"Yes, Lord Vader."
Vader felt a particularly deep breath of oxygen-rich air run through his body considering the damage to his lungs, and his eyes opened as he exhaled and the breath left him again. Another long breath worked its way into him as he spent a few seconds trying to remember just what had happened. He realized he must've been in his oxygen pod for a while, his body felt even more uncomfortable than usual, and his mind felt slow. Since becoming Darth Vader many years ago, he couldn't say for certain that he actually slept. His life support suit was created to tend to most of his body's needs, sleep was no longer a priority, it was hardly even an afterthought. For certain he could say his body could function for days on end without need of sleep, but there were times, like right now, where it seemed plausible it had happened anyway. He never dreamed, thankfully, there were too many things in the past of his life he didn't need reminders of when he slept, if he slept, if he wasn't just blacking out on occasions. He was always alone when it happened, so he couldn't say anything for certain. He had no idea what time it was, how long he'd been here, the only thing he knew for certain, nobody had notified him about Luke. Luke...and suddenly everything came flooding back, and he remembered fully.
His prosthetics were especially killing him as he reattached his mask and his helmet and stood up. He had to return to the bay and find out what was happening with Luke. Surely by now there had to be some change, he at least had to be awake.
As he left his private chambers he saw one of the palace droids approaching him.
"Lord Vader, there's no update from the medics, but there's another issue that I believe requires your attention."
"What is it?"
"If you come with me it would be easier to show you."
The droid led him to the palace kitchen, and as soon as he was through the door, Darth Vader stopped dead in his tracks and behind his red lenses his eyes widened in shock.
Captain Han Solo was seated at the table, one elbow propped on the table to prop his balled up hand against his cheek as he slept sitting up.
"He's still here?" Vader asked in disbelief. His mind was scrambling now and thinking back he couldn't even remember when the Corellian had left the med bay, in hindsight it just seemed he was there one minute and gone the next sometime after Luke had been sedated.
"He never left," the droid answered, "he's been like that for the last three hours. We wanted to know if he'll be staying or if we should remove him."
Vader waved the droid off, he'd get to the bottom of this himself. He stepped over to the table and pressed the tips of his durasteel fingers into the captain's shoulder and addressed him, "Captain Solo-"
The word was hardly out of his mouth when the younger man let out a strangled yelp and jerked awake, and then shot out of the chair and to his feet, the first few sounds out of his mouth an incoherent jumble before they actually turned into words, demanding, "L-Luke? Where's Luke? What happened?"
"The medics sedated him, he's resting now," Vader answered.
Han heaved in a couple of uneasy breaths before the words actually seemed to connect in his head and he seemed to calm down a notch.
"Captain, I want to thank you for what you did for Luke."
There was a blank look in Han's eyes for a couple seconds, but it gave way to a more somber expression as he responded, "I wish I'd found him sooner."
That made two of them, but the fact remained Luke likely would've been dead by the end of it all if the Corellian hadn't come along when he had. At least Luke was alive, and he would recover.
"I had a brother."
The four words came out so suddenly and softly that the dark lord almost didn't hear them. The blank look on Han's face suggested he wasn't even aware he'd said them. It was an ambiguously cryptic statement, and any curiosity that had been sparked in Vader to inquire further was stopped in its tracks by the past tense of it. That told Vader all he needed to know. Suddenly it explained so much, the how and why Solo had been so quick to leap into action, why he remained for the exam, why he was still there, how he tried to dominate Luke's focus to block out the indignity of the exam, now it all made sense. His actions weren't merely those of a fast thinking Naval officer, but as someone who had lived through this trauma firsthand before.
It was slowly starting to dawn on Han Solo just what he'd done, and in that moment he wished he could crawl under a rock somewhere. In all the years since it had happened, he'd never told a soul about that part of his past, sure as hell never thought he'd ever bring it up to Darth Vader of all people.
He was only partially drawn out of his own thoughts by the sound of somebody speaking to Darth Vader. He turned and realized it was on the dark lord's comm link, and Han felt his stomach drop.
"What is it?"
"The medics. Luke's awake."
Darth Vader's vocoder made it impossible to detect any change in tone when he spoke, but Han could sense something ominous in what he'd said.
"What's wrong?" Han asked, already knowing he didn't want to know.
"Luke can't walk."
Chapter Text
Luke was sitting up in the bed bay, the sheet was drawn back to reveal the bruises on his legs and knees from when he'd tried to stand up and promptly fell to the floor. One lone tear slowly trailed down his face but otherwise his expression was largely unreadable as were his thoughts from what Vader could gather. He stood by his son's bedside with one gloved hand clamped on his shoulder as they both listened to the findings of the tests that had been done. One of the medics, a short haired human woman in her late 20s, showed Darth Vader a series of scans that had been taken of Luke during and after his examination to determine the cause of his paralysis. Both scans were identical.
"As you can see," she concluded, "there is no physical cause for the condition, there was no damage to the spinal cord, no broken bones in his legs, no damage to the muscles, the tendons, the ligaments."
He saw it, and he didn't get it.
"What is causing it then?" he wanted to know, but if there was no physical cause, what answer could there possibly be? He had a very skewered view of Luke through the corner of one lens through the corner of his eye, but he could see his son looking up at him in silent wonder and worry as to why this was happening. He wanted to reassure his son that he would be alright, but for that to happen he needed the medic to tell him that Luke would be alright, that there was an explanation for this, one that could be treated.
The medic looked up at the red unblinking lenses. Her attempt at maintaining a stoic, deadpanned expression, was less than successful but she managed to keep her voice steady as she asked, "Could I speak to you in private, Lord Vader?"
He felt his stomach drop. What was it? If there was no physical damage, what could she have to talk to him alone about?
"Father?" Luke's voice trembled and threatened to break as he looked up at the dark lord.
Vader absently patted Luke on the shoulder and told him, "We will get this figured out, you just rest," and he followed the medic out of the room.
The two of them left the bay and stepped into an empty corridor. The woman swallowed tensely and looked somewhat uncertain of herself as she explained, "We have run all the tests and scans at our disposal, there is no organic cause for his condition, no physical cause."
"Then what is it?" Vader asked.
There were a hundred different micro-expressions on her face that indicated she wasn't sure if she was doing the right thing or not, but she forced herself to calmly answer, "I believe that it is psychosomatic."
The only sound in the room for a few seconds was the steady mechanical kooshing of Vader's respirator. Then out of nowhere, one durasteel hand reached out and grabbed the medic by the throat and he lifted her off her feet with her neck in a death grip.
The woman gasped painfully as she was just barely able to get the words out, "Please...please!"
"You're saying my son is insane?" Vader demanded to know.
He couldn't allow this. Luke had already been through too much, and he hadn't been able to protect his son. He could not allow Luke to endure any further indignities, he would not stand by and listen as his son was ridiculed, belittled, insulted...
The medic's eyes bulged and her hands futilely reached to try and pry the durasteel fingers off her throat as she just barely managed to wheeze out, "I've seen this before...I've seen this before!"
Vader paused for a few seconds upon hearing this, then released his grip on the woman's neck, causing her to hit the ground knees first, with enough force her whole body practically curled in a ball, and she stayed that way for a few pained seconds before the dark lord demanded, "Explain!", the 'quickly' needn't be added for her to understand how short the dark lord's temper was.
"In my training!" the medic said as she painfully pulled herself to her feet and subconsciously took a step back from Darth Vader. "In my training, we were brought in on a case of a teenage girl who had been bedridden for two years, her mother was taking care of her, they'd seen the best medics and doctors in the system, all conducted the same tests, all turned up negative, there was no apparent cause for her paralysis. While my superiors were going over her medical history with her mother, I spoke with her, and during that time I found out that prior to her sudden incapacitation, she and her mother had had a horrible fight and she'd stormed out of the house and ran away. A few weeks later her legs simply gave out, she collapsed in the street, the local Espos picked her up and took her to a med bay, the mother was contacted and had to take her back home. There was no sign of trauma, nothing that could logically explain why she couldn't walk, but two years of seeing the best medics that side of the galaxy, she still could not. We weren't able to be of any further service, we couldn't find anything that anyone before us didn't. But I later found out through a mutual acquaintance that within the third year, one day she was simply able to use her legs again. She had to spend a few months in manual rehabilitation to rebuild the muscles in her legs, but she was finally able to walk again."
There was a small pause before she added, looking straight up into the red lenses, "At the time she was very young, she would've been far too young to make it on her own at the time in question. By the time she fully recovered, she was an adult. I believe that when she realized what she'd done, the anxiety hit her so hard that her brain sent signals to make her body lock up, rendering her helpless; her mother may not have wanted her back home in her normal state after their fight, but she could hardly refuse to take care of her daughter when she was an invalid. So she had her mother to take care of her for three more years, until she was old enough to be out in the galaxy by herself. You will forgive me for saying so, Lord Vader, but I firmly believe that Luke's episode was brought on by his fear of you."
"His...fear of...me?"
The words didn't sound real even as he said them. The rest of the galaxy feared him, but Luke was his son, he'd done everything in his power that he knew to do to be a good father and raise Luke as best he could without Padme to help him. Luke wasn't afraid of him...was he?
"His fear..." the medic explained, "that he has disappointed you. Before we sedated him the only coherent thing he kept repeating was that he was sorry, he was addressing you...I think at the time he feared your anger as much...if not more, than the men who raped him."
He couldn't possibly be hearing this right. If he was, he should have choked her to death. How could anyone even suggest such a thing? How could anyone compare him to the men responsible for brutalizing his child?
"He disobeyed you," the medic said, "and he knows it. In his mind, the rape was a direct result of him not being home on time, the attack was only part of the punishment that he brought on himself...and he knows he still has to endure whatever punishment you decide to carry out for him violating his curfew."
Vader wasn't even aware his gaze had traveled downward until he realized he had to raise his head to look the woman in the eyes.
"His fears are based on what he already knows from previous times he disobeyed you and was punished, and the fear of the unknown, because nothing this bad has ever happened to him before, he can only assume your anger will be insurmountable. I think his subconscious is trying to buy time, if you were going to punish him, you would hardly dole it out at full force when he's so helpless. You saw how he was when you brought him in. His body was in fight or flight mode then, this is different, but not entirely. He simultaneously dreads when the bottom falls out, and is trying to anticipate it so the blow won't be so hard. Just because the men responsible for this are dead, doesn't mean his mind believes the attack to be over, he still doesn't believe he's safe, to him, this is just a lull in the storm, the worst is still to come."
Now Vader felt like his mind went completely blank for a moment as he tried to process all of this.
"He...told you this?"
The medic shook her head. "He'd never dare say a word against you, you know that."
Yes, he did. Perhaps that was part of the problem. He could feel his mind reeling.
"You will notify me as soon as he can be discharged," Vader told the medic.
The woman nodded. "Yes, Lord Vader."
Vader's prosthetics suddenly felt very unsteady as he turned and headed back to the med bay. When the door opened and he saw his son, Luke tried to push himself to sit up higher on the bed as he asked, a mild look of panic on his face, "What is it, Father? What...what did she say?"
How to answer? He couldn't tell him the truth, even if Luke suspected, having it confirmed would send him into a full blown panic attack, and right now he didn't trust his own ability to not say the wrong thing and only make it worse. Not just yet anyway, everything was too fresh, it still cut too deep, once Luke had had some time to recover, then Vader could figure out how to broach that subject. In the meantime, he felt very strange, he always demanded Luke be completely honest with him, and in return Vader was always as honest with Luke as he deemed fit, of course there were certain things Luke didn't need to know, especially when he was younger. Besides, strange as it sounded, Vader wasn't well versed in lying, he'd had little use for it in his adult life, he threatened people, and he had the power to back up his threats, he didn't need to resort to deceit to get what he wanted. But there was no way he could see any good coming out of telling his child the truth.
"She said," he told Luke, "it could take a few days, right now you need complete rest, you overexerted your entire body, all the muscles, the nerves, it's all connected, not entirely different from when you were little and overloaded your computer, remember?"
There was something, just a hint of a crack of a smile on Luke's face and a small choked snort caught in his throat as the memory came back to him.
Vader reached down and patted Luke's thigh through his blanket. If he could actually feel it, the boy gave no indication.
"Do you need anything?"
Luke pursed his lips together and shook his head.
"Try to get some sleep, in a few days you will feel better, and we will know more then."
Luke nodded uncertainly.
"I...love you, Father," he said with small wavers in his voice as if he wasn't sure he could even say the words.
The red lenses stared down at him for a moment. Behind them, Vader froze for a moment as he tried to make sense of any of this. How could Luke ever think his father could be angry at him because he was attacked? On another hand, just what had he done to actually deserve a child like this? Luke had never given him any real trouble, just some of the usual pains of growing up and trying to assert his own independence, the usual headaches for a parent but it sure beat the hell out of a mindless droid for a child who couldn't make their own decisions.
Carefully, more than he could ever remember being, Vader reached out with both hands and cautiously cupped Luke's battered face in them and told his son, "I love you too, Luke, never forget that."
A few days later, Luke was propped up in his bed reading a holobook when the door slid open and his father walked in.
"What's going on?" he asked as he put his book down.
"The medics informed me that you are ready to discharge," Vader told him.
Luke felt his body tense up in unease. "But I still can't walk."
Vader nodded. "I know, but that doesn't mean you have to stay here."
His father came over to his bed, pulled back the covers and Luke felt the two gloved hands slide underneath him, his heart felt like it was in his throat as he asked, "Where're we going?"
Vader lifted Luke in his arms, one behind the boy's back, the other under his thighs, and told him, "I'm taking you up to your room, you can finish recovering there in private. I know you don't like being a spectacle."
No he didn't, and his father truly had no idea just how much Luke had hated everybody standing around him, checking on him every day, he really couldn't imagine the way it made Luke feel after what happened that night. Luke wrapped an arm tightly around his father's armored shoulder and felt like he was holding on for dear life as they left the bay.
He also squeezed his upper body tight against his father as he begged half under his breath, "No, Father, please, I don't want everyone to see me."
He'd known the palace staff and the guards, droid and human, all of his life, but the thought of them seeing him like this made him want to curl into a ball and die.
"It's all right, Luke," Vader told him, and the boy saw they weren't heading to the staircase at the front, they were taking a shortcut in the palace's hydrolift, which eliminated the possibility of most of the staff seeing them.
"Father," Luke said when he felt the lift start to move, "what did the medics say? What's wrong with me?"
In lieu of an answer, if actually possible, Vader held the boy tighter against him and nuzzled the grille of his mouth piece against the top of Luke's head.
The hydrolift reached the top floor and Vader walked over to Luke's room, willing the door open with the Force.
"They believe the extent of your attack sent your entire body into a deep shock and it essentially reset the muscle memories in your brain," Vader told him.
"What's that mean?" Luke felt his stomach drop.
"It means," Vader answered as he laid Luke down on his bed, "that you will have to relearn how to walk, your body will have to relearn how to work the muscles. I know you would rather do that where people aren't watching you."
Luke glumly nodded and asked, "Do you think it will actually work?"
"I do," Vader said, "but it doesn't matter what I think. You have to believe it will, or it won't."
Luke looked down at the blanket covering his legs.
Vader considered leaving and letting Luke rest for a while, but he decided he'd put this off long enough.
"There's something we need to talk about."
And there it was. He saw Luke's entire body go stiff, saw his breathing become labored as he tried to brace himself for what was coming.
"Luke, look at me."
Luke tipped his head even lower and shook his head. "I can't. I'm sorry, Father, I know you're mad at me."
"I..."
He stopped himself before the first thing that came to mind came out, he knew it wouldn't do either of them any good.
"No," Vader shook his head, "I'm not angry at you, Luke."
"Disappointed then," Luke still couldn't lift his head any, "first time you trusted me out alone and I let you down."
"Luke...this wasn't your fault."
Luke nodded. "Yes it was. If I'd just gotten home on time like you said, none of this would've happened."
"No. Captain Solo was correct, it doesn't matter what you did, Luke, nothing you did would've justified what those men did to you."
"Maybe not justified," Luke slowly lifted his head up, "but it is my fault. I'm sorry, Father, I really meant to be home in time...but I just hated for the night to already be over, I thought if I just stayed a few more minutes, it wouldn't make any difference...and time just flew by, and then I realized how late it was, and I was rushing to get home, and that's when I ducked in that alley and they grabbed me." He looked up at his father, his lips pursed tight but his eyes welling up with tears, "If I'd just left earlier...if I'd just gotten home..."
"Luke..." Vader slowly and carefully gathered his son in his arms and lifted him up, and in turn he sat down on the bed and sat Luke across his lap, like he used to do when Luke was a small boy, "when I told you I didn't want you out late...the last thing I ever would've thought would be that this could happen. I've tried to protect you from everything out in the galaxy."
Luke nodded and said through a voice thick with tears, "And then I screw it all up."
"No, child," Vader brushed the tears away with one gloved hand, "there is truly nothing you could ever do, that would warrant an attack like you suffered. It has nothing to do with your actions, those men made that choice, and if it wasn't you, they would've found someone else. You were simply in the wrong place..."
"At the wrong time," Luke quietly finished. "You see? It is that simple, if I'd just gone home sooner, it never would've happened."
Vader futilely tried to sigh around his respirator. "That's not entirely true."
Luke looked up at him, confusion in his tear-filled eyes. "What?"
"If you had gotten home sooner, this may not have happened that night, and it may not have been those men...but that doesn't guarantee it would never have happened. What you went through is a fate no one should have to suffer, but the truth is it happens all over the galaxy, to all different people; it used to be publicly assumed that it only happened to slaves, but it happens in all ranks, in the royal families, no one is truly immune, Luke."
For a split second he remembered Han Solo in the palace kitchen, that look in his eyes.
"I had a brother."
"It can happen to anyone," Vader's own voice brought him back to the present as he told his son, "the only people responsible are the predators themselves. It's nothing you did, it's nothing anyone did. I don't want you to worry about this anymore, you have nothing to feel guilty about, and you are not in trouble." He added firmly, "I am hurt that this happened to you, but you are my son, Luke, and the love I feel for you can never be diminished by anything you do. The only thing that I care about is that you recover from this."
Luke's shoulders rose and fell in time with his labored breathing, he looked up in the red lenses and asked, a meek voice as if it was hoping for too much, "Really?"
Vader hugged Luke tight against him and told his son, "You are the only thing in the galaxy that matters to me, and you are safe now. No one is going to hurt you again."
Luke dropped his head on his father's armored shoulder and the dark lord felt the violent tremors running through Luke as he burst into a series of hyperventilating sobs. Vader squeezed one durasteel arm tight against the boy's back and held him close.
"It's all right, Luke," he said as he reached with his other hand and softly patted the boy's back.
Luke's breaths came out in louder, piercing sobs and after a few tries he managed to form actual words around them, "I...I was so...scared! When...when I realized how late it was, I tried to get home...but there were so many people and...and I couldn't get out...and I was terrified you'd be waiting when I got back, so...so I tr-tried to take a shortcut through the alley an-and then..."
Behind the red lenses, Vader's eyes widened in concern. Luke fell into another incoherent set of sobbing screams, and they just seemed to keep getting louder, and louder...at this rate, it might even be possible for him to tear his own vocal cords if he didn't calm down.
"I th-thought they were going to kill me," Luke tearfully confessed, "the pain was so bad a-and it went on f-forever and I thought I was just going to die, and the...the more time went on, I wished that they would've...I really wished they had, so I wouldn't have to feel anything anymore...an-and so I wouldn't have to face you..."
Behind the mask, behind the armor, behind the chest plate, Darth Vader felt his heart break.
"Luke..."
"I was so scared of w-wh-what you'd do when you found out," Luke told him. "I'm so sorry, Father."
Vader felt a strain in his prosthetics as he hugged his son even tighter against him, behind his mask his eyes burned as he felt tears, a sensation he hadn't known since he'd buried his wife.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Luke," he told his son, the vocoder covering any wavering in his own voice at that moment, "you did nothing wrong."
He on the other hand was sorry that Luke had honestly believed that his father would be angry at him for what happened, but he didn't dare say it to Luke; the boy had suffered enough, and he knew that admission would only weigh on Luke's guilt that he'd even told his father the truth and said anything at all. No, it was better if the child didn't know that, not yet anyway. There would be time later for Vader to be completely honest with him, once they got past this.
"You're going to be all right, Luke," Vader told his son. "It's over now, you're safe now."
Luke held tightly to his father and cried for what felt like forever, eventually he started to wear down and became quieter, then quiet, and Vader felt the boy's head slump against his shoulder. He was asleep, and Vader tried letting out a sigh in relief, but it was still an exercise in futility with his respirator. Gently, he laid Luke back against the pillows, stood up, pulled the covers over Luke and tucked him in.
"You're home now, Luke."
Chapter Text
The next morning, Darth Vader entered Luke's room and found he was still asleep.
"Luke."
"Hm?"
Vader nudged the boy on the shoulder. "Luke, wake up."
Luke grumbled under his breath and turned his head to the side and tiredly murmured, "Please, Father, can I just sleep for a while?"
"Luke..."
Through his red lenses, the dark lord was still able to tell that something was different about Luke's appearance from when he saw the boy last night. His hair was a mess and it wasn't just from sleeping on it.
"Luke, what did you do?"
Luke turned his head the other way and buried it in his pillow, "I got a shower last night."
"You...how?" Vader wanted to know.
That had actually been something Vader had been grappling with, how to approach, let alone handle, the issue of if Luke couldn't walk, he was going to need help to get to the fresher and clean up.
Luke turned his head back and looked at his father as he answered, "I crawled."
Behind the red lenses, Vader's eyes widened in shock. "You, crawled?"
The word sat wrong with the dark lord. Since Luke had learned to stand upright and walk, he didn't crawl, his son didn't crawl. Such a concept for someone his age was tantamount to groveling, and his son did not grovel.
Luke looked at him and said poignantly, "I don't want to be a burden."
"Luke...you are not a burden."
Luke added, "I don't want anyone looking at me like that again."
That took any and all argument out of Vader. He could certainly understand Luke's mindset there. In truth he had struggled with the exact same thought while trying to come up with a solution. Even if the human members of the palace staff weren't brought in to assist, he wasn't sure it was a job the droids were capable of doing themselves, and even though Luke knew they weren't actually sentient, it didn't change the fact he didn't like them watching him anymore than people.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Luke shook his head, "I couldn't sleep...I figured, you wouldn't even have to know..." he moved around under the covers as best he could without the use of his legs, "Any other time I could walk in, get a shower, get dressed, and be done in 20 minutes...crawling into the fresher, crawling into the shower, crawling back in here, getting back in bed...it took almost two hours..." his eyes self consciously rolled up as if they could actually see what he was trying to look at as he admitted, "I couldn't reach my brush."
That's what was different. And of course it made sense. Since Luke had first learned how to use the Force, he'd realized he could use it to gain access to small things out of his reach. But he never did, even as a young child he'd decided that the Force was too important to waste on such trivial matters. And even now it wouldn't occur to his son to do otherwise.
Without a word, Vader entered the fresher, picked up Luke's hairbrush off of the sink's counter and returned to the bedroom. Luke held a hand out to take the brush but Vader instead propped Luke up against the pillows and reached down and brushed through his mess of wild and tangled blonde hair, something he hadn't done for a long time; the last time he did Luke's hair was a brighter, paler blonde, thinner, fuzzier, behind his mask he smiled melancholically as he thought just how many years it had actually been since Luke was so small, innocent, full of life, happy, safe, protected...
Vader pressed his other gloved hand against some more unruly parts of Luke's hair that refused to lay down just because it had been brushed back. Finally Luke looked like his normal self again.
"Thank you," he looked up at his father.
"Luke..." Vader truly felt at a loss. "If you need help, tell me. I know you value your independence," he always had, since he found out he could take two steps without holding his father's hand, he'd taken off running and never looked back, "but right now you can't do everything on your own."
"I can't do anything on my own," Luke said. "I'm useless."
"That is not true."
The medics had showed Vader the exercises Luke would need to do to try and regain the use of his legs. The woman medic had been adamant that it was all caused by Luke's subconscious, however since he believed there was a genuine problem with his legs, he had to believe he was receiving real treatment for it in order to make progress.
Vader started by gently cupping one of Luke's feet in both of his gloved hands. As he did so he couldn't help remembering for a brief moment how tiny that foot had been when Luke was a baby, he'd been able to hold it between two fingers back then. Where the hell had the time gone?
"Can you feel this?"
Luke nodded.
Vader stood over Luke's bed where he lay and slowly worked his way up from Luke's foot, to his ankle, up his leg, his knee, and to his thigh, lightly kneading and massaging the flesh and muscles as he went; through his neurotransmitters he could feel an occasional pulse and the tautness of muscles and tendons. For no more than he could actually feel through his prosthetics, everything appeared to be in working order. Each time he moved his hands to another part of Luke's leg he asked the boy if he could feel it, every time Luke nodded, and it was the same when Vader switched sides and started with the other foot and worked his way up. He could feel his legs, but so far he couldn't get them to work. Vader supposed that that was a start anyway.
Once that was established, Vader grabbed Luke's leg above the ankle, bent his knee, grabbed his leg just above the knee and stretched his leg back so his knee was to his chest. Luke's upper body squirmed and he grunted slightly in discomfort but otherwise he didn't fight his father. After subjecting one leg to a series of such exercises to stretch both the muscles and the nerves, Vader laid that leg flat, bent the other knee and repeated the process on the other side. Once that was done he grabbed Luke's leg above the ankle, bent his knee, flexed his toes, and raised his leg with his knee bent several times, then put it down, straightened the leg, and raised it straight up, then gradually inched it further back at an angle until Luke's body's natural resistance kicked in and his leg couldn't be extended any further.
"Very good," he concluded after repeating the same movements with the other leg, and easing it back down on the bed.
"You really think this is going to work, Father?" Luke asked like he didn't dare hope.
"The medics said it will," he answered. "You just need to be patient. Now, is there anything you need?"
Luke shook his head.
"Very well." Vader grabbed the corner of Luke's blanket and drew it up over the boy. "You rest and I will check on you later."
Luke nodded glumly as he pulled the blanket up over his shoulders. "Thank you, Father."
Luke fell face first on the floor, banging up his already bruised legs once again.
He banged his fist against the floor repeatedly before actually pulling his face out of the carpet.
"I hate this!" he exclaimed in frustration, "I can't do it! This is so stupid!"
He sensed as much as actually saw the figure in black kneeling down beside him through the corner of his eye. He felt his father's durasteel hand calmly patting him on the back.
"You must be patient, Luke," Darth Vader told him. "You didn't learn to walk in one day when you were a child, there's no reason it would be any quicker now."
Luke's eyes burned with tears and his throat was swollen with more of them. He knew he was just feeling sorry for himself but he felt he was entitled to do so as he curled his upper body into a ball and told his father, "I hate this!"
"I know..."
Luke looked up at his father from a tilted angle, he saw the black leather glove reaching for him, he closed his eyes as he felt it against his skin, felt it brush away the tears rolling down his face. He opened his eyes again and saw those red lenses staring down at him.
"I can't do it," he said.
"Yes you can," his father's modulated voice told him, "get up, we'll try again."
Luke shook his head, "I can't, I'm just going to fall again."
"You will not fall," Vader responded, "give me your hands."
Luke didn't get it, he really didn't, but he did as he was told. His father grabbed Luke's hands in his and slowly stood up, pulling his son with him.
Luke felt his feet actually touch the floor but his legs started to go out from under him and his body sagged against his father, but he realized he wasn't falling. He wasn't able to stand on his own feet, but he wasn't falling down again.
"Now," Vader said as he took a step back, maintaining his grip on Luke's hands, "find your balance, and step towards me."
Luke shook his head again, "This is stupid, Father."
"Just try it."
Luke pressed his feet to the floor, he felt them slipping under him so he stiffened his legs to stand straight and rigid. Once he actually did though, he felt like he couldn't move, or he'd surely fall flat on his face again.
For a brief second he felt like his mind had gone completely blank. Forget muscle memory, it was like he'd forgotten how to do everything. He looked down at his feet and he honestly couldn't even remember right from left, which foot to try stepping forward with, he felt frozen from the waist down.
"Father..."
"Just step towards me, Luke."
He couldn't, he couldn't, but he couldn't tell his father that either. He tried, but his feet stayed right where they were, all that happened was his knees buckled and he felt himself falling against his father.
Vader pulled Luke straight again and told him, "Try again."
Luke looked down at his feet again, feeling that this was an impossible situation. He lifted one foot off the floor, it was only after he did it his brain was able to register it was his left foot. Okay, he got it off the floor, that was part of it, now what? Acting on a blind impulse instead of actual memory, he put his foot back down a few inches further out than it was.
"Very good," his father's modulated voice somehow managed to actually sound calming as he took another step back and told Luke, "try it again."
Luke looked down, as if trying to remember what it was he did, and lifted his right foot off the floor and moved it forward, planting it down a couple inches past his left foot.
Vader moved back again, and in turn Luke took a step forward. Each step was slow and shaky, but after a few more steps they got close to the wall, Vader kept his focus on his son and lightly gripped Luke's hands at arm's length in front of him, but pivoted his body to turn around so Luke had the span of the floor to try again. Luke's eyes were glued to the floor as he watched, almost dumbfounded, as one foot moved, then the other, then one, then the other, almost in disbelief, also fear that if he wasn't watching it, he'd forget how and fall again.
After a couple minutes they'd managed to move across the length of the room and stopped short of the door. Luke was breathing heavily and he felt like he'd just scaled a mountain single-handedly.
"Well done," his father told him as he helped Luke back over to the bed, "rest now, we will try again tomorrow."
Luke's heart was pounding so hard he could feel it in his ears. Taking a few steps shouldn't be this hard, he'd done it millions of times over the years without a thought. He closed his eyes as he gasped and wheezed, trying to catch his breath.
"I know this isn't easy for you," Vader said, "but you're doing very well."
"It shouldn't be this hard!" Luke protested, frustrated with himself.
"It will get easier," Vader patted his leg through the blanket, "you must be patient. Now, do you need anything?"
Luke shook his head.
"I will be in to check on you later," his father told him.
As the door slid shut behind him, Vader found himself thinking how indeed this did take him back to when Luke first learned to walk. He was about a year old, he'd found out purely by accident one day he could actually stand up, but that was about all the further he got. He spent a couple weeks just standing, then falling down again. Then one day he stood up and was able to stay there. Then he took his first steps. He promptly fell down, but got up and tried it again, and was overly excited by this new experience. It was a while before he was actually able to master walking more than a couple feet before stumbling, once he accomplished that, his next obstacle was the stairs. He spent the longest time merely crawling up the steps and scooting down them, when he got a little older he learned how to climb up and put both feet on one step, and he did that all the way up, and all the way down. More than once he lost his footing and half fell, half rolled down the stairs. He'd reach the bottom, shaken up but not hurt, and he'd stand up and go about his merry way. Oh how he wished they were back there, it had been a far easier process to get through.
Not for the first time, he wished that Padme was still alive, for so many reasons. Among others, the medic's words still rang in his head, nothing could absolve him of the guilt he felt for his own inadvertent role in Luke's ordeal. The fact that Luke feared his father's reaction worse than the actual attack itself, that sent a cold feeling surging through the remnants of his human body. Just possibly it wouldn't have weighed so heavily on the boy's mind if he'd been able to grow up with both parents and had his mother to help balance things out. While Luke was growing up, Vader's primary concern was that Luke had everything he needed, and was brought up as normal as possible given the circumstances. He had no idea how to be both parents for his son, he could only focus on being Luke's father, which even that he had no experience in and little clue how to do it right, but he'd done the best he could. Thinking about it now, having no family but his father his whole life, it suddenly made sense why Luke was so worried. If he should be right, and for whatever reason his relationship with his father was changed by what he'd been put through, he had no recourse, no other family to turn to, nowhere to go. It hurt him that his son could really think him possible of any such thing, but he supposed he shouldn't be all that surprised. He knew what his reputation to the rest of the galaxy was, he tried to keep that separate from the person that Luke saw every day, but he guessed that could only go so far with the body and the voice he had as a result of his damned life support suit. He'd tried his best to make sure Luke knew he was loved, and that he was always safe with his father, but apparently it hadn't been enough. And until Luke could finally get those facts through his head, it seemed this was how both their days would be spent. It was a process the boy at least seemed to be working through, but he knew they weren't fully there yet. The dark lord shook his head helplessly, if Padme were still alive, Luke wouldn't have any reason to be afraid of her, and as much as he hated to consider the possibility, this tragedy might have actually bonded them further. Maybe it was an oversimplified generalization that women had more experience in this field than men, but there was also a probable truth to it as well. Padme would probably have known how to handle this, what the right things were to say, least of all she could've assured Luke that he had no reason to fear his father's wrath for what was done to him. Even if he didn't fully believe that, he could take comfort in knowing his mother was on his side and he could confide in her.
Early into Luke's life, the dark lord had contemplated the idea his son would be better off with a mother, for all those various reasons, but the thought of remarrying, of another woman taking Padme's place, he just couldn't accept it. He also couldn't trust there was any other woman in the galaxy who could raise Luke as his birth mother would've, and he'd decided Luke would be better off solely raised by his father instead. Vader had had his reasons, some of them selfish and he could admit it at least to himself, but he knew it had also put Luke at a disadvantage. A stepmother, whatever her faults, would've made the boy's life easier than no mother. It truly wasn't fair for Luke that he hadn't had anyone else in his life when he was growing up, no one else who could help him through this ordeal now.
Chapter Text
Another day, and another Imperial headache. All Vader felt like doing was getting in his oxygen pod and getting his mask off for a while while he meditated. Fate however, clearly had other plans.
"Oh good, you're back," the humanoid palace droid said as it approached the dark lord, "Lord Vader, that Corellian captain stopped by to see you."
"He did?" He turned his head and looked through his red tinted lenses but didn't see anyone in the immediate vicinity, "where is he?"
"Well," the droid said as he put his durasteel hands on his sides, "I told the captain you were due back soon and he said he'd wait for you, so he must be around the palace somewhere."
"When you find him, send him upstairs to my private chambers," Vader said. Even though most of his body was durasteel his limbs still felt weak, he hoped whatever it was was a short visit.
"Yes, milord," the droid said as he turned around and stiffly walked away.
One more thing to deal with. In 18 years Vader had had to put up with a lot, but this past week was proving to somehow be the most exhausting experience he'd ever had. In the morning his first stop was to Luke's room, he helped the boy with his exercises and dealt with all of Luke's frustration, his outbursts, his tantrums, every time he lost his balance, his footing, and fell on the floor again. He could appreciate how hard all this was on the boy, but when he got done helping Luke re-learn how to walk, he got the boy back in bed, and for several hours he became the responsibility of the palace staff, while Vader tended to matters of the Empire. When he returned home his first stop was always to check on Luke, see how he was doing, if he needed anything, how he'd been during the day. He almost wished he could get himself cloned, then that one could go out and deal with the Empire's business, and he could stay home and keep an eye on his son. In some star systems that was only a figure of speech, here it was a reality but he also knew from the mistakes of history, often more trouble than it was worth. He didn't like leaving Luke alone, he didn't like it when Luke was able to take care of himself, it especially sat wrong with him now. The staff would comm him if anything was wrong, of course, and Luke had his comm with him all day in case he needed his father, he never made contact though, presumably nothing ever went wrong when he was absent, but he'd feel better if he could actually see that for himself. He'd been doing everything he could to hold off on a mission in the Outer Rim because he'd be gone for over a week, at least, and right now he couldn't chance leaving Luke alone that long.
If he could, Vader would sigh as he climbed the stairs to check on Luke before heading to his chambers to meet with Captain Solo. His prosthetic legs felt heavy under him, more so than usual, and he was practically dragging as he walked.
Reaching the upstairs hall, he headed over to his son's room, using the Force to slide the door open, overriding the palm scan.
"Luke."
He took two steps into his son's room and stopped in his tracks, behind his red lenses his eyes were wide with shock. The only sound filling the room was the mechanized breathing of his respirator. His brain felt like it came to a roaring stop, as he stood there unable to comprehend the image he was seeing of Luke sprawled facedown on the floor by his bed, and the Corellian captain from the Navy on top of Luke, straddling his legs. Both young men were equally wide-eyed in shock at the sudden appearance of the dark lord.
"Father," Luke said half under his breath.
Han didn't even blink as he dug one booted foot against the floor and pushed himself to his feet, blankly staring up in the red lenses as he stammered, "Honest, sir, this isn't what it looks like, your droid downstairs said you'd be back soon so I came up to wait for you and when I got up here I heard Luke fall and..." there was suddenly a look of recognition in his eyes as he shook his head and added, "forget it, I don't even believe it myself and I know I'm telling the truth."
Vader shifted his gaze downward and looked at his son.
Luke had one hand covering his mouth and had his fingers spread far out to half cover his face, but his father could still read the expression on his son's face. Luke was annoyed, mildly embarrassed, and clearly wished he was anywhere else right now, but that was it, not mortified, not terrified. Right offhand, Vader couldn't figure out what was going on here but it was obvious it hadn't been anything nefarious.
"Luke?"
Luke squinted his eyes half shut but lowered his hand and explained, "He was helping me."
Han nodded and pointed to show that Luke's left leg was bent behind him at the knee till his foot was practically touching his back. It twitched and Luke squeezed his eyes shut and let out a small groan.
"He was trying to walk on his own and this started," Han explained, "some kind of muscle spasm."
Vader knelt down on one prosthetic knee to better assess the situation. He could see Luke's leg kept twitching and each time it did his leg tried to bend behind him a little further until it was practically a triangle. The dark lord placed one hand on the spot in question, through his neurotransmitters he could feel one muscle knotted tightly, and he could feel something pulsating like it was trying to rip loose.
Luke let out a half stifled yelp as he felt his father's durasteel thumbs press against the spot that seemed to have taken on a rampant life of its own just a few minutes ago, he felt the solid pressure of the prosthetic digits kneading the muscle just as he did every morning when they started his rehabilitative exercises. After several excruciating minutes of his leg trying to bend itself even further back, the spasm finally ended and he felt his knee unlock and moaned in relief as his leg unbent and lay flat against the floor again.
"Thank you," he heaved out, feeling utterly exhausted after that ordeal.
"What were you doing out of bed?" Vader inquired.
Luke hesitated slightly before answering, "I wanted to see if I could make it without anybody's help. I hate this."
"You are doing well, Luke, but you still need to be patient," he told his son.
Han leaned down and grabbed Luke's hand to pull him to his feet, "Come on, junior, let's get you back in bed so you can rest."
Vader took a step back and watched as the captain slowly pulled Luke up and in one gradually fluid movement got Luke seated on the edge of his bed again, then nudged him to lay back against the pillows and replaced the covers over him.
"Thanks, Captain Solo," Luke said quietly and humbly.
"Don't mention it, kid," the Corellian responded. "I need to talk to your old man now, you take it easy and I'll see you 'round."
Vader pointed a finger to the door, which slid open in the process. "Captain Solo, go wait for me in my private chambers."
"Yes sir," Han gave a small salute and quickly walked out of there.
Vader turned back to his son. "Is there anything you need?"
Luke shook his head.
"Have you eaten?"
He shook his head again.
"I will be back in a few moments," Vader told the boy.
Luke nodded. "Okay."
Vader paused for a moment, hovering over his son, before asking, "How long has Captain Solo been here?"
Luke was visibly confused as he answered, "He came in about 10 minutes ago when he heard me fall."
"And that's all that happened?"
Luke scowled up at him. "Father."
"I just want to be sure."
"He saved me," Luke insisted, "he wouldn't do anything wrong."
Vader looked down at him and said nothing at first, then finally he replied, "I know."
"What brings you here, Captain Solo?" Vader asked when he entered his chambers.
The young captain looked at the dark lord uncertainly for a few seconds, then he answered, "My superiors told me that I'd been transferred here to the palace security detail."
"That transfer was scheduled for tomorrow," Vader told him.
Han nodded. "Yeah, I know, but I figured I'd better come over now in case it turned out to be a glitch in the report."
"No, it was correct," Vader said. "From a certain point of view."
Han raised an eyebrow questioningly, "I'm afraid I don't understand, sir."
"You are being transferred here to the palace, but I have other use for you," Vader answered.
For some reason that sent a cold chill down the Corellian's back.
"Okay?" he responded, having no idea what he was supposed to say.
"Outside of myself and some of the palace staff, Luke has seen no one since his attack, he wishes to see no one, talk to no one."
"I...can't really say I'm surprised," Han said, not sure where this was going.
"But he responds to you, further evidenced by what just happened," Vader pointed out. "I will be leaving for the Outer Rim soon, under the circumstances I don't trust taking Luke with me, I also don't trust leaving him alone for that amount of time."
"Oh," Han thought he was starting to get it, "so I've been assigned to Luke's security detail."
"Not exactly," Darth Vader responded. "While I'm gone, he's going to need someone to help him with his treatments, and I think it will be beneficial for him to have someone to talk to whom he trusts."
There was a confused look in the Corellian's eyes that gave way to a blank expression as he said in a dumbfounded tone, "So...I haven't been transferred to the palace security detail...I've been transferred here as Luke's companion."
If anyone else would've said it, they would already be dead on the floor, the way the sentence was put together it had a default air of disdain to it, but it was obvious the captain's brain was merely trying to put the pieces together in an already confusing situation.
"In a way," he answered. "You have already proven yourself trustworthy with my son's life. I believe your presence will prove therapeutic for him. First I must bring you up to date on what's happened since you were here last."
Once the dark lord was finished explaining the situation, Han merely stared ahead with an almost blank look on his face and said in a monotone voice that sounded like he was just barely grasping the concept, "Psychosomatic, huh? Whoa, that's a tough break..."
"The medics have stressed how important it is Luke believes he's receiving legitimate treatment for his condition," Vader told him. "They will show you the exercises he must do every day."
Han slowly nodded his head, "Okay, sure, I can do that...no problem. Is there anything else I should know?"
"I will determine that over the next few days while you're here, before my ship leaves."
Han nodded again. "Okay...so...what do I tell Luke?"
Chapter Text
The door slid open and Luke looked to him and seemed surprised and started to sit up in the bed, "Captain Solo..."
"Hey kid," Han said as he sauntered into the room, "your old man's in a conference right now, so you mind if I hang out here while I wait to get my marching orders?"
Luke shook his head. "No, that's fine."
"Thanks, junior," Han replied as he stepped over towards the bed.
"Um..." Luke glanced down at his legs for a second before looking up at the captain, "I never thanked you for saving me."
Han felt like his heart dragged out a particularly slow beat and he hardly breathed until the feeling passed.
"You don't have to thank me, kid."
"Those men would've killed me," Luke said.
Han slowly inhaled, his mind simultaneously back in that alley, and years ago on his home planet.
"How..." he wasn't even sure what to say, just desperate to have something to anchor him back to the here and now, "how've you been doing?"
Luke shrugged and pursed his lips together hesitantly.
"I can't walk."
"Uh, yeah, I'd...I'd heard...but other than that, how're you doing?"
Luke huffed, "Well...you were right, about Father."
"I told you."
"I know...but it's still hard. I try not to think too much about that night...but it just keeps coming back, and I'm...it...it's so...embarrassing. Everybody..." he squeezed his eyes shut, "everybody in the bay looking at me."
"They weren't looking at you, Luke, they were treating you."
"But they saw me."
"I know."
Luke opened his eyes again and they moved one way and another, focusing on nothing in particular as he said, "For the longest time...I thought the most uncomfortable time of my life was when Father tried to talk to me about sex."
The choked snort that suddenly erupted from the captain filled the room like a blaster shot. Luke's eyes opened wide as he looked up and saw the older man with both hands clamped over his nose and mouth, futilely trying to restrain himself.
Han choked on a smaller laugh as he removed his hands and said, trying and failing to maintain a straight face, "Sorry...continue."
In spite of himself, Luke felt his mouth turning upwards and felt himself coming close to laughing himself as he thought back to those days. Despite his attempts he felt his face getting more and more scrunched up and felt like his mouth was stretched clear across his face.
"I know the general idea is everybody thinks it's impossible their parents ever did that, but..." a small chuckle escaped him, "seemed really impossible in his case."
Han tried again not to laugh, and this time failed so hard that he was about doubled over guffawing.
Both men had a good laugh at that thought for a moment before they were able to compose themselves.
"That was so awkward...the only bright spot I could see in the whole thing was I didn't have to look him in the eyes during it," Luke told him.
Han fell back on the foot of the bed clutching his stomach as a higher pitched shriek escaped him.
"Sorry!" the Corellian's apology was betrayed by the amused grin that practically ran ear to ear. He tried again, "I'm sorry..." he sucked in a breath of air and forced himself to calm down. He sat up and scooted up the bed till he was sitting beside Luke.
"Yeah well," the 18-year-old replied, "right now I'm wishing I was still back there, instead of here."
That brought Han down a couple notches.
"I know this is hard, Luke, but you survived the absolute worst part of it already, you'll get through the rest."
"I suppose so," the teenager replied dismissively.
"I know so," Han replied.
"Well?" Luke asked when Han returned to his bedroom later that day. "What'd you find out?"
"Uh, well..." Han had spent the last hour trying to come up with a convincing lie, and he decided to go with the one that seemed most likely to actually work, "you...you know your father's leaving for the Outer Rim in a few days, right?"
Luke nodded.
"Well, while he's gone, he wants me to stick around here and keep an eye on things and-"
"Meaning me," Luke said more than asked.
"Well yeah, that's part of it," Han said. "He wants to make sure if anything would happen, you know, any Rebels try busting into the place or anything like that, that you, you...you'd be in good hands."
"Nobody's ever broken in here," Luke pointed out.
Han shrugged. "First time for everything."
Luke groaned. "He's doing this to punish me."
Han raised an eyebrow curiously. "What do you mean?"
"He's saying I can't be trusted alone."
Han shook his head. "Believe me, kid, it's not that. He was telling me about the treatments you need to do every day, you're going to need someone around to help with that."
"I..." whatever argument Luke had planned to respond with died as he faced the fact of what his father had already told Han. He didn't want to see or interact with anyone, and Han was the only one he responded to, the only one he trusted.
"Listen, junior," Han said, "my thing's flying TIE fighters, so this is virgin territory for both of us, but I know your father is not a man to disagree with, especially from my position. So if you don't mind I'd really prefer to not zonk him off, I like the bones in my neck intact thank you very much." He did his best to sound put out as he added, "Come on, kid, you know you can trust me."
Luke nodded reluctantly. "I know..."
Han sat on the foot of the bed and looked at the kid.
"Look, Luke...I'm not a guy who does well standing around twiddling my thumbs waiting for something to happen, so if there's anything you need my help with, just let me know, as long as I can keep busy I can stay out of trouble."
That made the teenager laugh. Not much, but it was a start.
Han stood leaning against the door to the fresher. For the umpteenth time he glanced at his wrist chrono to see how much time had passed. He'd been standing there for almost half an hour now and he wasn't hearing anything from the other side of the door.
Finally his morbid curiosity urged him on and he rapped on the door with his fist. "Luke, you okay in there?"
There was silence for a few seconds, and he was starting to consider blasting the door down, but finally he heard a muffled response from the other side, "Come on in, Han."
Finally. He straightened his legs and turned around to actually face the door and palmed it open.
There wasn't a cloud of steam but the air in the room was definitely muggy. Luke sat on the floor next to the shower, hair wet, skin glistening, changed into a clean set of clothes.
"You doing okay, kid?" Han asked.
Luke looked towards the floor and nodded.
"Alright, let's get you out of here."
Han knelt down long enough to grab Luke's hands and pulled him to his feet. Luke felt his legs wobbling under him and he panicked and grabbed hold of Han for leverage. Han shifted his weight to support the kid and draped one of Luke's arms across his shoulders and helped him walk back to the bedroom.
"I hate this," Luke said, heavy emphasis on each word as they stumbled along.
"I know, kid," Han said, "but you heard your old man, it's going to take some time and you just have to keep working on it."
"I know," Luke said with an audible pout, "I still hate it."
"Here we go," Han got Luke over to the bed and eased him onto the edge of it.
"I need my brush," Luke said with a small whine.
"You got it," Han turned on his heel and scurried back to the fresher, returning a few seconds later.
"Thank you," Luke took the brush and started trying to tame his unruly hair.
"You need anything else, kid?" Han inquired.
Luke shook his head. "I'm fine."
"Your old man's got me set up a couple rooms down the hall, so if you change your mind later, just yell," Han said.
Luke nodded. "Thank you...Han."
"Yeah?" the captain turned on his heel.
"I'm sorry you're stuck babysitting me," Luke said.
Han paused as he tried to figure out how to respond to that.
Finally he decided to go with, "Believe me, kid, this is one of the more pleasant assignments I've had, nobody blasting at me, yet, good company, and trust me, I've kept far worse."
A small laugh escaped Luke and he replied, "I can believe it."
The next morning Han found himself helping Luke with his exercises.
"Hey, that's pretty good," he said when he saw how far Luke could extend his leg over his head, "you know, Luke, you'd make one hell of a kicker in space ball."
Luke groaned as his body met the natural resistance of how far his leg could stretch.
Han kept one hand on Luke's ankle and lowered his leg flat on the bed again.
"Okay, kid, now what?"
Luke moaned softly as he turned towards his side, "In a while, Father usually helps me try to walk."
"How's that going?" Han inquired.
Luke closed his eyes. "Not well."
"Yeah but you're doing better, right?" Han asked.
Luke opened his eyes and reluctantly nodded, "Yeah, but I still hate it."
"I get that," Han said, and he thought. "But I think I've got an idea."
Luke looked up at him curiously.
"Okay, Luke, try again."
Luke had a death grip on Han's hand, and used his other hand to grab hold of the captain's jacket to pull himself out of the chair and to his feet. They still felt wobbly under him, but as long as he was holding onto Han he was able to stay upright. Then a second later he let go of the handful of material and sat back down.
"Again."
Luke hadn't let go of Han's hand, and realistically he knew that should be enough to maintain his balance, but he still didn't trust himself not to fall. He grabbed the collar of Han's jacket and with a grunt, pulled himself up again, then sat back down.
"Again."
Luke sighed, but he did it again, and he pulled himself to his feet again, then sat down again.
"That's very good," strangely enough Han was the one who sounded out of breath.
"You really think this is going to help?" Luke asked uncertainly.
"Can't hurt, can it?" Han asked.
Luke shrugged. "Fair point."
"How're you feeling?"
"Shaky," Luke answered.
"I'm sure in a few days it'll pass, it's just something new to get used to."
Luke groaned, "I hate it."
"I know, kid," Han sat on the corner of Luke's bed, "but you're not exactly alone here. You know some guys I've flown with got so injured fighting they had to be put on ventilators? Once you've been on one of those things for a week, you can't just get out of bed and walk away either, they gotta spend days relearning how to walk. And those are the ones who were lucky enough to get off of them."
Luke slightly grimaced upon hearing that.
"I hadn't thought about that."
"You're doing fine, Luke, you just need to be patient."
A small smile formed on Luke's face. "Now you sound like Father."
Chapter Text
Han had been in the process of falling asleep when the sudden noise of someone screaming nearby jolted him wide awake and clear out of bed.
"Luke?"
There was another scream. Han grabbed his blaster and ran towards the door. In the dark he couldn't see anything and he ran right into the door. Palming it open he rushed out into the hall and over to Luke's room two doors away.
Palming that door open, he was met with more of the pitch black darkness, but his other senses weren't detecting any imminent danger. He reached over for the lights and squinted as they came on and blinded him for a second. A familiar sound came up behind him and he turned and saw Darth Vader had also come to find out what was going on. Turning back, Han saw what happened was Luke had fallen out of bed and was on the floor, hysterical.
Han holstered his blaster and knelt down in front of the kid.
"Luke..."
The boy let out a terrified scream and latched onto Han with an unexpected amount of force.
Han awkwardly put an arm around Luke's shoulders as the kid hugged him in a death grip and was rambling incoherently.
"Luke, what is it?"
A few more panicked sounds escaped the kid before he was able to form the words, "They were here."
It took Han's brain a second to realize what Luke was saying.
"They were here!"
"No, Luke," Han said softly in the kid's ear, trying to force the kid to listen to him, "there's nobody here, you're safe now."
The captain found himself looking up at the red tinted lenses watching the whole thing unfold. Vader stood back, the sound of his respirator the only audible proof he was even in the room.
Luke moaned and whimpered as he tried to press himself even tighter against Han, still caught in the throes of his nightmare.
"They came back," he half whispered, terrified.
Han shook his head and tried to figure out what he was going to do.
"No, Luke, think back...the men who hurt you are dead, remember?"
Luke moaned through closed lips as he slowly recalled.
"That's right," he said quietly, "because you killed them. You saved me."
Han wasn't sure how to answer that. At any other time he'd be thrilled to take credit for something that made him look good, but it just didn't feel appropriate right now.
Luke pressed himself harder against the captain, one more nudge and they'd both tip over and fall on the floor.
"Han," Luke's voice was quieter, desperate, "stay with me, please."
Han's eyes got big with puzzlement and uncertainty as he tried to figure out the most diplomatic way out of this.
"Me?" he asked in disbelief. Turning his eyes upward he looked to the dark lord for some hint of an appropriate answer as he stumbled along, "well...I'm not sure about..."
Vader finally answered, though it wasn't what Han had been expecting.
"I think that would be an excellent idea."
"You do?" Han blinked.
Vader knelt down on one prosthetic and helped pull Luke to his feet and take the unbalanced weight off the traumatized captain, "Let's get you back in bed, Luke."
Han felt his own legs turn to rubber under him and he sat on the floor for a second, gathering his thoughts. Darth Vader held Luke up and assisted the boy as he crawled back into the bed. Luke scooted around before settling on his back and Vader pulled the covers over him. Han noted the way Vader tucked the ends of the blanket behind Luke's shoulders.
"Do you need anything?" the dark lord asked.
Luke shook his head. Through the blankets he felt a durasteel hand pat his knee.
"Sleep well, child."
"Thank you, Father."
Darth Vader turned towards the Corellian captain.
"You will inform me if anything happens."
"Uh, sure," Han nodded.
Vader left the room, and Han found himself standing there for a minute in a stupor, before it finally sunk in what he was expected to do. He placed his blaster on the dresser, walked around to the unoccupied side of the bed, pulled the covers back and slipped in beside Luke.
"You okay, kid?" he inquired.
Luke nodded.
"Good, maybe we'll be able to actually get some sleep."
Luke let out a small sound as he laid further back against the pillows and closed his eyes. Han watched him for a couple minutes before also falling asleep himself.
Han had no idea how long he'd been asleep, but when he woke up, the room was still dark. At first he tried to remember just what had woken him up. Then he heard the sounds coming from the other side of the bed. Turning on his side he looked and saw Luke had his back to him and had his face pressed hard into the pillows, which weren't able to completely stifle the soft sobs coming from the teenager.
Han half sat up, "Luke?"
Even in the dark he saw the boy's whole body stiffen once he realized Han was also awake. He didn't respond, merely turned even further away from the captain.
Han reached over and grabbed Luke's arm and gently rolled the kid over towards him, half whispering, "Hey, hey, it's alright, you're okay, Luke." As he spoke he slowly gathered the teenager in his arms and held him close but not tight as he assured Luke, "it's over, you're safe now, nobody's going to hurt you again."
He could feel Luke's body trembling against him, felt more than he saw Luke bring his hands up over his mouth as he sobbed more uncontrollably, and futilely tried to fight it.
"It's alright, you're alright, kid," Han told him as he gently pulled Luke's hands down, "talk to me, kid, tell me what's wrong."
Luke raised his hands up to his eyes and tearfully replied, "I can't."
"Sure you can," Han replied, "listen, kid, it doesn't matter what it is, you can tell me...trust me."
All he got in return was an incoherent sobbing howl. He reached up with one hand and lightly patted Luke's hair as he continued holding the boy with his other arm. It felt like forever, but Luke finally calmed down enough to tell him, "I've tried so hard not to think about what happened that night, but it just keeps coming back and I can't get it to stop."
Han nodded. "I know, I understand."
Luke rolled onto his back and away from Han as he moaned, "If I'd just gotten home on time..."
Han swallowed the tears that were making his throat tight, and he told the boy, "Luke, you can't blame yourself for what happened."
"I know," Luke balled up a hand and rubbed his eye, "Father said if it hadn't been that night, it still could've happened, somewhere else...someone else..."
"Well that's one definite possibility," Han remarked, "but there's another one I don't think you're considering."
Luke quieted down and looked at the older man. "What's that?"
"Let's say you did leave the festival on time that night...you headed for home when you were supposed to, you wouldn't have had to take that shortcut through the alley...where were those men hours earlier?"
Luke thought about it for a moment and shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know. I never got a good look at them, I don't know if I'd seen them earlier that night or not."
"Exactly," Han replied, "they could've been anywhere that night...even if you'd done everything right, you still could've run into them, and the same thing could've happened anyway. And it could've been worse, because as crowded as the streets were, it could've even happened in the middle of everything, and there would've been too many people around for anyone to even notice what was happening."
Luke pulled the blankets tighter as this newfound fact sent a sudden chill running through him. "I never thought about it like that."
"Trust me, kid, you can't spend your life second guessing these kinds of things...there's no guarantee the outcome would've been any better, no matter what you did."
Luke somberly nodded in silent agreement.
"I just hate it...I hate what they did to me," he said as he pushed himself to half sit up in the bed.
"I know, Luke," Han reached over and wrapped an arm around Luke's back and pulled the kid against him, "I know."
There was a brief pause before Han felt his whole galaxy shattering as Luke asked, "How do you know?"
"Huh?" Han pulled back.
"How do you know about all this stuff?" Luke asked.
Han felt cold chills race from his spine down to his toes.
"I've been around a long time, kid, I've been from one end of this galaxy to the other, and I've seen a lot of things," Han weakly offered.
"Well...I'm sure glad that you were the one that found me that night," Luke said quietly. "I hate to think what would've happened if it had been anyone else."
Han nodded. "Me too, kid, me too."
Luke fell against him and he could feel the tremors running through Luke's body, which matched the low chattering of his teeth as if he were freezing. Han grabbed the covers with his spare hand and pulled them up over both of them and held Luke while he continued to shake and shiver.
"It's alright, kid, it's alright," he quietly reassured Luke.
That was the last thing Han was consciously aware of until some time later when he was awakened again, this time by Luke rolling around on top of him. The room was just as dark now as it was before, this night seemed to be lasting forever. Luke softly moaned in his sleep as he thrashed one way and the other in his sleep. It took Han a minute to figure out the boy was tangled up in the covers and trying to get loose.
"Okay, okay," Han tiredly grumbled as he reached over Luke and pulled the blankets loose, then eased Luke back over to his own side of the bed, and straightened the covers out over both of them. Luke settled down after that and softly sighed as he pressed his face into his own pillow and fell back into an undisturbed slumber. Han lay on his side staring up at the ceiling, thinking, remembering. Sleep didn't come as easily for him after that.
Han was still awake a few hours later when the door slid open and Darth Vader entered the room. He sat up and looked at the dark lord, Luke was slower to respond, but the boy finally acknowledged the presence and the sound of mechanized breathing and groggily asked, "Father?"
Han couldn't be sure because nobody could ever be sure what exactly Vader saw, the red tinted lenses on his mask made it fairly impossible to see just where his eyes focused, but he had a strange feeling the man in black was staring right at him.
"It's all right, Luke," Vader told his son, "go back to sleep, I need to speak with Captain Solo for a moment."
Han blearily nodded, "Yes, sir."
Luke was nowhere near fully awake yet, he tossed onto his side, bunching up the covers and groggily murmured, "No, Han, don't go, stay."
Han swallowed hard as he forced himself to sound more alert and more in control than he felt. "It's alright, kid, I'll be back in a minute, you just stay here and take it easy."
Luke murmured incoherently as he turned over again. Han straightened the covers and tucked them behind Luke's shoulders, then got up and followed Vader out of the room.
Instead of saying anything to the Corellian, Vader led the younger man down to the first floor of the palace and down to the kitchen. The droids were powered down for the night and there wasn't anyone around.
Han didn't wait for Vader to speak, instead he said, "He's a sweet kid, nothing bad should've ever happened to him."
Vader stared at the captain for a moment in otherwise silent puzzlement. In that instant he wasn't aware if Han was actually referring to Luke, or to his own brother.
It was almost as if the Corellian could read his thoughts. Han explained, "My brother had gone out to a holofilm one night with some of his friends, but it ran later that they thought and everybody was scrambling to get home before their parents killed them. Some guy in a speeder offered him a ride home so he wouldn't get in trouble...and...he...and, he uh..."
Vader merely nodded in response, sparing the captain from having to relive that part of history anymore than was absolutely necessary.
"I was in bed when he got home, but I heard him come in," Han told Vader, "he...looked like he'd just escaped from some wild animal. His eyes were huge with fear, terror, he didn't want to tell me what happened, but he did...and he cried...it was the first time I'd ever seen him cry. I didn't know what to do...I hugged him, and I said he should tell our parents." Han shook his head, "He was terrified of what they would do if they found out. He just knew they would blame him for being late, that he knew better than to hitch a ride with someone he didn't know. Even then I realized...he was more afraid of our parents finding out he'd been raped...than he was of the guy who did it to him. I couldn't figure it out...the next day he tried to act like everything was fine...I don't know if our parents actually believed it but if they thought anything was wrong, they didn't say anything. Then it was the next day, and the day after...and the day after...he tried to act like nothing happened, but I could tell, it never left him. He started getting angry all the time and he lashed out at our parents, they didn't know why, they thought maybe it was something going on at school or they thought maybe he was on spice, everybody started yelling at each other all the time and nobody said anything, nobody tried to get to the bottom of it. I begged him to tell our parents what happened, I told him they'd understand, but he was too afraid to tell them the truth...after three years he couldn't take it anymore and he killed himself."
Vader felt a stabbing pain deep behind his chest plate. What he'd gone through with Luke over the past couple weeks ran through his head at hyper speed.
The Corellian maintained eye contact with the dark lord, but it was as if he was staring far past the man in black, as he forced himself to continue, "After he died, I finally told our parents what had happened, I figured they deserved to know the truth...and..." he blinked, and he suddenly looked light years away, "they...they told me to get the hell out of their home...because it was my fault that their son was dead."
As a parent, Darth Vader felt a heavy weight on his heart.
"How old were you when it happened?"
Han blinked, back to the here and now.
"My brother was three years older than me...I was 13 when he came home that night."
The words made sense but it still didn't register in the dark lord's mind.
"Your parents...threw a 16-year-old boy out on the streets...the only child they still had?"
Han's gaze shifted towards the floor, to his boots, anywhere but at the man standing across from him.
"You know, it's funny...I'd always heard about parents having 'favorite' kids but...growing up I never got the impression that ours did, seemed that they always treated us both the same." He finally raised his head to meet the dark lord's gaze, "but boy, when I was all they had left, they didn't want to see or hear even a trace of me again. And I..." he shrugged and shook his head, "I've never been home since. I don't...even know if they're still alive."
Vader said nothing for a moment, he couldn't even begin to imagine what the Corellian had been put through at such a young age.
"I..." when he finally spoke the words didn't come easily, "I am truly sorry for your loss. Perhaps I made a mistake assigning you here."
Han only shook his head in response. "I've relived that night, and those entire three years, every day since it happened, I've always wondered if there was anything I could've said or done differently that he wouldn't have killed himself...and I just don't know. I'd never been in a situation like that before, and I had no idea what to do. The only good thing is this time I have a little more experience, a little better idea what to say. I like to think my being here actually makes a difference for the kid."
"It does," Vader answered, "believe me."
"Yeah, well," Han tried to compose himself, "I better get back before Luke starts freaking out."
"That won't be necessary," Vader told him.
"Actually it is," Han replied, "in a couple hours he's going to be up anyway and then I have to help him-"
"I will help Luke with his exercises this morning, this has been a long night for you," Vader said, "why don't you retire to your own quarters?"
Han considered the offer for a minute before reluctantly nodding in agreement. "Thank you, sir."
His eyes burned and his bones felt heavy, all he wanted to do was go to bed and put this night behind him.
Han trudged up the stairs to the second floor and returned to his room. He turned the lights on only enough so he could make his way over to the bed without knocking into anything. He sat on the edge and eyed the bottle of Corellian brandy that rested on his nightstand. Foregoing the glass next to it, he picked up the bottle, unscrewed the lid and knocked back a couple belts, felt the very familiar and by now comforting burn from his tongue clear down his throat and halfway down his chest. If he drank the whole bottle he might be able to succumb to sweet oblivion and forget about everything for a few hours. He'd been able to do it before, but over the years it was becoming harder to actually accomplish, not that it had stopped him from trying. Tonight however, he felt too depressed to even try.
His throat felt tight and burned in a different manner as he felt a sob growing in his chest and felt the tears threatening to work their way up from his throat. His brother's death had in turn become a life sentence for him. Every day he carried the guilt and the pain with him, most times he was able to keep it bottled up tight and nobody was the wiser. Of all people, he especially never thought he'd be telling his life story to Darth Vader, not when he'd never breathed a single word of this to another person in his entire life.
He heard the labored breathing but wasn't automatically aware it was coming from him. He felt the hot tears fall from his eyes before he actually realized he was crying. One hand reached for the collar of his shirt and undid the top button, revealing a chain around his neck. Reaching inside his shirt, he pulled out a metal locket that he wore with his Navy service tags. Thumbing the latch open, he looked at the old picture he had carried around with him since he was 16, a picture that had been taken many years before that. Han could barely even see the photo through the tears in his eyes, his voice broke as he got out in a gut-wrenching sob, "Lando..."
The picture had been taken so long ago the color was starting to fade, at the time it had been one of many taken of the two brothers playing together at a random moment in a normal day. Now it was the only thing Han had left to remember his home, his family. Han pressed his hand against his mouth in an attempt to stifle the body-wracking sobs running through him.
Chapter Text
Vader stood over Luke's bed and watched his son while he slept. One gloved hand reached down and carefully grabbed one golden lock between his prosthetic thumb and forefinger and slowly straightened it out before releasing it and watching it curl up again. Luke never responded.
His mind was haunted by Solo's story. He couldn't even begin to imagine...and yet, what he heard last night validated everything the medic had told him following Luke's diagnosis.
Gazing down at his son, Vader attempted to communicate with Luke through their bond in the Force.
Never doubt my love for you, my child, no matter what happens, you will always have it.
He'd desperately hoped that by now Luke knew this, but the fact the boy was still unable to walk unassisted spoke volumes to the dark lord's doubt. True, he was improving, but how long was it going to take before Luke's psyche fully recovered?
Luke took in a particularly deep breath and started to stir. Vader took a step back from the bed.
"Luke."
"Father?" Luke rubbed his eyes and looked up at the man in the black. "What is it?" He pushed his hands into the mattress to sit up, then turned his head and saw the other side of the bed was empty. He immediately turned to his father with a disoriented look of panic, "Where's Han? Did he leave? Did he leave because of me?"
Luke was in a full blown panic. Darth Vader was quick to respond, "Calm yourself, Luke, Captain Solo hasn't gone, he's in his own quarters."
Luke breathed heavily as he tried to calm down, still sounding in disbelief, "He is? He didn't...he..."
The masked face tilted slightly to one side inquiringly. "What is it, Luke?"
"I...I..." the panic was largely gone now, replaced by a demeanor of self loathing. "I thought he...maybe he...I...I acted like an idiot last night."
"I doubt that. What happened?" Vader asked. "Tell me, Luke."
He inhaled and reluctantly answered, "I just...I told him some things last night..."
Luke stared down at his blanket and wouldn't meet his father's questioning gaze.
Vader placed a gloved hand on the boy's shoulder.
"I realize nothing about this has been easy, but I assure you, whatever it is, you can tell me."
"I didn't want to," Luke confessed. "I told Han, and I didn't think about it at the time but afterwards I thought, maybe I shouldn't have...maybe he was disgusted with me, or what I told him."
Vader gently placed his gloved hands on the sides of Luke's face and forced the boy to look at him.
"Believe me, Luke, nothing could be further from the truth. Captain Solo is deeply invested in your recovery, but this has been an exhausting experience for him as well. He's still here."
Luke exhaled sharply. "Good."
Vader moved one hand and smoothed over Luke's forehead and the top of his head.
"You like Captain Solo, don't you?"
Luke nodded.
"I'm glad," Vader told him. "I don't enjoy the prospect of leaving you, but I'm convinced you'll be in the best hands possible while I'm gone."
Luke pursed his lips together and had a mild expression of dread in his eyes, telling Vader far more than what the boy's shielded thoughts did.
"Luke, it's all right if you tell him things that you're not comfortable telling me, all that matter is that you have someone to confide in."
Luke looked at him and admitted, "I don't want to upset you."
The red lenses stared at him. "Luke, you don't have to worry about that."
"That's easy to say when you don't know what it is," Luke told him.
"This is true, however, whatever it is, my only concern is your wellbeing," Vader responded.
Luke looked at him uncertainly for a minute before explaining, "I told Han...I've tried so hard not to think about that night, what happened to me, but it's in my head all the time, Father, and I know, I know, you said it could've happened anyway, Han said it could've happened even if I'd left on time, I know that, but, I still...it just...I...I..."
Vader slowly nodded as he explained, "I had hoped that this side of your recovery would take precedent over the night of your attack, it seems I was wrong."
Luke nodded in turn, "I thought so too, but I still remember it, I think about it all the time, and I don't know how to get it to stop."
"You are merely going to have to be patient with yourself while your mind processes everything that's occurred," Vader told him. "Unfortunately that's all any of us can do."
Luke looked at his father in awe. "You mean you're still having trouble with this too?"
"Of course, my son. A parent never gets over someone harming their child."
"And that's not supposed to make me feel guilty?" Luke asked.
"What happened was not your fault," Vader told him. "I want to hear you say it."
Luke had a smaller look of dread on his face, "Oh, that's going to sound stupid."
"No it won't, say it," Vader gently prodded.
Luke looked at him uncertainly. He heaved in a sigh, ran the tip of his tongue over his top lip, and said, the words not coming easily, "What happened...what happened to me...wa...wasn't...it...what happened to me...wassss...not, my fault."
"Do you believe it?" Vader inquired.
"I...I know it's true," Luke answered, "but I still can't shake the feeling that I should've done something different."
"I am well familiar with that sensation," Vader informed him, "there is nothing either of us can do except move forward."
Luke looked up into the red lenses and after a few seconds, merely nodded in response. He wasn't sure why, but somehow, he felt better, somewhat.
"While Captain Solo is resting, I will assist you with your exercises this morning," Vader told him.
Luke's eyes widened slightly at this revelation but he quickly recovered from the shock, "Oh...okay."
Han was aware that his tongue felt thick against the roof of his mouth and it had a taste like an old rug. He opened his eyes and found himself half dangling above the ground and realized the whole upper half of his body was about to fall over the edge of the bed entirely and he pulled himself back onto the mattress.
His head was throbbing, his eyes burnt, the blinding sunlight didn't help matters whatsoever, which a few painstaking seconds later, made him realize it was late in the morning. Ignoring the pain, or trying to, he sat up quickly and turned to look at the chrono on the wall and he saw how late it actually was.
Even though Vader had told him he'd fill in for him that morning, a klaxon went off in his head. Han dove out of bed, made a beeline to the fresher, got a quick shower, threw on a clean set of clothes, ran a comb through his hair until it looked semi-normal and headed over to Luke's room, right before the door slid open he forced a reassuring look on his face that he felt anything but.
"Hey, look who's up," he said as he stepped into the room.
Luke turned his head from where he sat propped against the pillows and his eyes lit up, "Han! I thought you'd left."
"Who, me?" the Corellian asked as he stepped over towards the bed, "I've got a job to do and wild tauntauns couldn't force me out until I'm done here. How're you doing, kid?"
"Okay," Luke answered with a small nod, "better now that you're here."
"So what've you been up to?" Han asked.
"Father was in earlier, he helped me with my exercises," Luke answered not too optimistically.
"Any better?" Han asked.
"Not really," Luke answered with a sigh.
Han waved it off, unconcerned, "All in due time, kid."
"Han," Luke said in a smaller voice, quiet enough the older man had to lean over to hear him.
"Yeah, Luke? What is it?"
Luke winced uncomfortably as he spoke, "Would you stay with me again tonight?"
Han paused only a beat before nodding in response, adding with a reassuring smile, "You got it, kid."
Vader met Han in the palace kitchen the next morning, the captain looked only half awake as he downed a cup of caf.
"Did you have any problems with Luke last night?" the dark lord inquired.
Han swallowed the hot liquid and shook his head. "No, he fell asleep pretty quickly, he's already up. I told him I'd bring his breakfast up when it's ready."
"I will see him before I leave. In your opinion, how is he doing?" Vader asked.
"I'd say fairly well, all things considered," Han answered. "Sir, I have a question."
"What?"
"I understand Luke has to believe he's getting actual treatments to help him walk again...but would you have any objections if I tried a different approach while you're gone?"
The red lenses stared at him for a moment.
"What do you mean, captain?"
"Well, Luke's making progress, but I think I might know something that could help him further along," Han said.
The man in black stared at him for a minute and Han started to suspect he'd said the wrong thing.
"I know you have my son's best interest in mind, Captain Solo," Vader told him, "you saved his life, I know you can appreciate the gravity of this situation more than most...I will allow you to try what you see fit."
Han nodded. "Thank you, sir."
"Come on, Luke."
The teenager yelped as he felt himself fall against the Corellian.
"Han, this is stupid."
"No it's not, try again."
Luke grunted as he gripped Han's hands tightly while he shifted his weight back and felt his legs locking in place, felt his feet plant firmly against the floor as he regained his balance.
"Okay? You good?" Han asked.
Luke nodded.
"Okay, let's go again."
Luke rolled his eyes as he tried to move in time with the music from the tape on his holo player.
"This is stupid, Han," he repeated as he looked down at his feet.
"No it's not," Han responded. "Do you know that after space polio, medics recommend dancing lessons to rebuild the leg muscles?"
"Seriously?" Luke asked in disbelief.
"It's a known fact," Han answered. "I once dated this girl-"
"Congratulations," Luke grunted as he looked down again.
"I wasn't finished," Han growled in response.
Luke looked up again, "Sorry."
"I dated a girl who'd been hospitalized with space polio for two years, as soon as she started relearning to walk, the attending medic told her to learn how to dance so she'd recover quicker."
"And it worked?"
"Amazing dancer," was Han's response.
"Hey," Luke looked down again, "I think I'm getting the hang of this."
He found that his feet moved a little more freely and his legs didn't feel so stiff, but a few steps later they gave out again and he slammed his weight into Han, who let out a sharp 'oomph' as the wind got knocked out of him, and they both fell back on the bed.
"Well, I'll give you points for creativity," Han told the teenager laying on top of him, "but a word of warning, you try that with a girl and you will get slapped."
Luke pressed his face against Han's vest and let out a combined grunt, sigh and laugh. He pulled back and said to the older man, "I don't know if this is actually going to help, but it sure beats laying in bed all day."
"That's the right attitude," Han responded as Luke rolled off him and he stood up, "let's try again."
The two of them had been sharing Luke's bed for the past few nights, Han told himself if he wasn't careful, he'd get used to it, having another warm body beside him, somebody to talk to. He'd had his share of relationships, none were too serious, at some point they got awkward, sometimes he met a girl who insisted on sharing her life history and asking about his. It was easier to lie and say he had no family, technically it was true, but the way he told it was different, that he'd been an orphan and never known his parents. Some days it felt like there was some truth in that statement.
Sometimes they didn't ask about his past, but sometimes they discussed the topic of having kids. It wasn't something he'd given a lot of thought to when he was younger, now that he was older, when he thought about it, he remembered his own father, and those three years of hell just played in his head on a loop. Instinctively he knew he would never do what his father had, but the whole thing just brought up too many memories he spent years trying to drink away. He found it better to just avoid that subject altogether, which strangely enough seemed to limit his choice of dates.
Luke still wasn't at a point he could get to the fresher unassisted, on his feet anyway, but he was too proud to ask for help, not than Han needed to be asked, he was happy to help any way he could, but so at night a light was left on so Luke could see as he crawled over to the door when Han was asleep.
And tonight, with the help of the illumination, he was able to see the troubled expression on Luke's face.
"What's the matter, kid?" Han wanted to know.
The kid's eyes looked up at the ceiling, it was a few seconds before he shifted his gaze to the man laying beside him. "There's something I've been thinking about, but I didn't know how to bring it up."
Han turned on his side to face Luke. "What is it?"
"Uh, well..." Luke looked down at the blanket covering his legs, "how...how would...how do I explain to my friends...what...what happened?"
Han blinked. "You don't have to tell anybody anything you don't want to, Luke."
"But I mean they'll know something's up, I haven't seen anybody in over three weeks, they're going to wonder, what do I say?" Luke asked.
Han inhaled noisily as he thought that one over.
"You don't have to tell them the whole truth," he said, "you could just tell them that you were attacked by a group of crazies the night of the festival and you were nearly killed and had to stay in the med bay recovering, that's pretty much the truth in itself."
"But there just seems to be something so wrong with the idea that I have to hide this," Luke said, "I'm already so ashamed of what happened...having to keep it a secret just makes it seem like I did something wrong."
Han looked him dead in the eyes. "You didn't do anything wrong, kid."
"I know," Luke nodded, "but then this doesn't make sense."
Han sighed. "It's a hard subject to bring up, Luke. Most people have no idea how to deal with it."
"But why?" Luke asked.
Han inhaled again, then exhaled. "Because...for a long time...it was just easier for people to blame the victim than admit there was a problem with lowlives like this roaming around the galaxy."
"But that doesn't make any sense," Luke said, "why wouldn't you admit it wasn't the victim's fault?"
"I don't know, kid," Han answered honestly as he shook his head and pressed the balled up fingers of one hand against his cheek, "it's like families are too afraid of the gossip they'll hear from the neighbors, they're scared of the ridicule, the scrutiny, so it's just easier to blame their loved ones and shame them into silence, hoping the subject will never be brought up." He shook his head and shrugged one shoulder helplessly. "Peer pressure's a hell of a drug, everybody thinks kids are the only ones affected by it, but grown adults can't deal with it either, they're so scared of what other people will say that they buy into the same lie themselves, so they won't have to trouble themselves defending their loved ones to other people. It's like...they think it only happens to certain types of people...which then is a direct reflection on them, how did they raise somebody like that? What's wrong with them that their kids would turn out that way?"
"That sucks," Luke concluded.
Han nodded sharply. "You can say that again." A thought occurred to him in that moment and he added, "No...I think the real problem is...nobody does well having to admit total helplessness...that there was just nothing they could've done to change the outcome. No parent wants to admit there was nothing they could've done to protect their kid, so instead they...deflect their own guilt onto their kid, telling them they should have done something to get away, should have done something different. You're beating yourself up over the exact same thing, and by now you know what you did wouldn't make any difference...you know first hand how hard that is to admit."
Luke glumly nodded.
"And you had to go through it...imagine how much harder it would be if it was someone you loved, and you weren't there, how guilty you'd feel," Han explained.
Luke merely nodded again.
"One of the hardest things for people to do is ask for help," Han told him, "because nobody wants to be perceived as helpless, and I guess when they are...it's just easier to find something to blame it on...someone...it's easier to be mad at someone than admit you couldn't help them."
As the captain spoke, he felt like a door had opened inside of him somewhere...suddenly things he'd grappled with for years, and spent more trying to forget, all started to make sense.
The two of them lay beside one another in silence for a moment before Luke added, "Something else I've been wondering...I'm already thinking about this all the time, even when I'm trying not to...after what I went through, how am I ever going to...have a...a normal, sex life...with my girlfriend?"
Han blinked. "You have one?"
"Well, nobody serious," Luke admitted, "I've dated a few girls, but I just mean...in the future when I do find one I'm serious about...how do I tell her about this?"
"Like I said, Luke, you don't have to tell anybody anything you don't want to," Han said, "you don't owe anyone anything."
"Yeah but..." Luke gathered his thoughts, "this isn't ever going to go away, and I don't want to have to hide something this serious from the woman I plan to spend the rest of my life with...I think it'd be better to have an honest relationship, but how would I do that?"
Han sighed as he mulled that one over. "I'm not exactly sure how, but if you actually can get to that point, you would probably find out...just going by sheer odds...whoever she is...she would probably prove to be very understanding about it...because there's a good chance it probably happened to her too."
"Really?" Luke asked.
"It's far more common than anyone wants to admit," Han said, "it's pretty likely, and...if that's the case...it may be...therapeutic for her, to know that you also understand what she's going through."
Luke stared at the captain for a moment before slowly blinking, "I never thought about it like that."
"Here's what I know, kid," Han told him, "if you do open up to a woman about this, and she can't accept it...nothing else matters, she is not right for you. Don't beat yourself up over what other people can't deal with."
"Easy to say," Luke said, "but what if it turns out, I can't be...intimate with a woman, because I can't get over what those men did to me?"
"Well look, Luke, physical relationships are complicated in a best case scenario...everybody's got their own baggage they carry their whole lives, and all you can really do is just, maintain an open line of communication," Han explained, "you both have to be able to tell the other when something works, when it doesn't, when you're not comfortable, when you need to stop..."
Luke raised a hand to pause the conversation and he told Han, "I already heard a lot of this from Father when he told me about sex."
"Well it's still true," Han responded, "the most important thing is you have to be patient, with them, and with yourself."
Luke pursed his lips together uncertainly. "I'll remember that."
Neither said anything after that and Han thought that was the end of the conversation and he laid on his back to go to sleep.
"Han?"
"Heh?"
Luke moved on top of Han and hugged him. "Thank you, for everything."
In that moment, Han felt like his brain went into a total fog. He couldn't even think. His memories threatened to bubble up, but for once, they didn't come. For one moment, he wasn't haunted by the memory of his brother who he couldn't help, instead he was floored by the love he felt from this kid, who he could. It didn't make up for the fact he couldn't save his brother, but it made him feel that his life wasn't worthless because of that fact.
It took a minute or two before he remembered how to form actual words and he choked out, "You're welcome."
Anon985 on Chapter 1 Mon 09 Sep 2024 04:25AM UTC
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hueningplushie on Chapter 6 Fri 12 Jan 2024 09:05PM UTC
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Dolly0824 on Chapter 6 Fri 14 Jun 2024 08:54AM UTC
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SophiaHawkins on Chapter 6 Fri 02 Aug 2024 04:27AM UTC
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