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“Hinata-kun! I'm home!”
Komaeda cheerily greets as soon as he returns to their shared room. These days, he was doing his best to be the most cheerful that he can as an effort to return to their state back then. He's well aware of the distance that has materialized between him and Hinata, and he also knows that it’s his fault.
If only he were good enough for Naegi, Naegi wouldn’t have had to ask for the requests that he made. Komaeda wouldn’t have had to hurt Hinata with his actions… or lack thereof, actually. The look of Hinata’s hurt expression flashes in his mind, and Komaeda does his best to shake the thought off.
Guilt is the most useless feeling if nothing is done about it, if Komaeda were to be asked.
That’s why he pushes the memory away before it resurfaces yet again and focus on the present instead.
Hinata looks tired, sitting at the study table as usual, but he still has a small smile on. Various notebooks and books are splayed across the table, accompanied with Hinata’s phone as a paperweight for some of his papers. “Welcome home, Komaeda. How was your day?”
“Things were fun, Hinata-kun! Ever since a few days ago, Naegi-kun and I have always been hanging out in the rooftop instead of the courtyard.” Komaeda takes off his jacket and hangs it on the rack. “The rooftop is really nice! You can see a lot of things from there!”
“Yeah. Didn’t we use to hang out there too back then? It was only one time, but surely, you didn’t forget?” Hinata scribbles on one of his papers as he replies. “I even said your hair looks like the clouds.”
“Oh, right!” Komaeda giggles and walks over Hinata. “Naegi-kun said that too. He also said that he liked my hair a lot… but doesn’t it look too weird and messy?”
Hinata looks up at him. Komaeda smiles even more, and he doesn’t move from his position. After a few seconds of silence, Hinata reaches out and ruffles his hair, causing Komaeda to giggle. “I like your hair too. It looks soft, and it is soft.”
“That must be why Naegi-kun likes touching my hair too then.” Komaeda lifts a hand and ruffles his own hair as well. Hinata retracts his, returning his attention to what he was writing earlier. “Your hair and Naegi-kun’s look a little bit similar, don’t you think?”
“Guess so.” Hinata replies, not looking up from what he's doing.
Komaeda stands next to Hinata’s chair and watches what exactly Hinata is busy with. He was solving some equations, but what Komaeda notices is that this lesson isn’t fresh. In fact, it was a lesson from a year ago. How odd, he thought. He wonders.
“Are you reviewing this, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda asks. “Transversal?”
“Yeah.” Hinata looks up to him again. “This topic is really easy, so whenever new lessons stress me out, I return to this one just so I can feel like there's something I'm actually really familiar with.”
“I agree with that. It is quite easy.” Komaeda nods. “The transversal is pretty amazing, huh? Because of it, two unrelated parallel lines were able to at least have congruent and supplementary angles, even if they will never meet.”
“…I guess it’s pretty good if you put it that way.” Hinata momentarily stops writing. “It’s pretty interesting to think… What if those parallel lines are actually intersecting, after all? What if the lines are too long that the intersection just can’t be seen quickly? And then the transversal had to come and ruin the natural order…”
“That is an interesting thought, Hinata-kun, but that’s impossible!” Komaeda chuckles. “We can't not see right away that a pair of lines are intersecting, you know. But I’ll imagine it anyway…”
“A triangle will be created.”
“Haha, right! A polygon with one-hundred eighty degrees!”
“And one-hundred eighty is a complete reversal… a complete turnaround, a complete change.” Hinata turns to him and chuckles. Somehow, even his laughter sounds tired, but maybe it’s just Komaeda’s imagination. “Sorry. I'm being weird, aren’t I? The transversal is just so symbolic, it’s almost funny.”
“No, it’s okay, nothing is weird when it comes to me, Hinata-kun. You should know that!”
Hinata’s phone vibrates as he finally turns the book to another page. Komaeda guesses that he decided to return to what topic he's actually supposed to be studying. The phone vibrates again, and Hinata still just carries on with his business.
“Hinata-kun?” Komaeda keeps his eyes on the phone. It vibrates again. “Aren't you going to look at that? Someone seems to be texting you.”
“Let it be.” Hinata replies. “Some asshole is texting me nonstop ever since yesterday.”
“Oh?” Komaeda tilts his head, curious. “What do they want?”
“I don’t know.” Hinata shrugs. “Probably just wanted to bother me or something. It’s not important, so don’t think about it.”
“Alright… If you say so, Hinata-kun…” Komaeda gives one last look to Hinata’s phone before speaking again. “Well, just tell me if they're being too bothersome. Maybe I can help track them down one way or another.”
“Nah, you won’t have to do that.” Hinata finally looks up from his book and smiles at Komaeda. “But thanks.”
--
“It really is nice up here, huh?” Naegi idly comments as he leans his head on Komaeda’s shoulder. “The air is neither too hot nor too cold, and to top it off, it actually is quiet here.”
“You're right.” Komaeda leans his head against Naegi’s, too. “Sorry that we spent almost all the times before this in the courtyard. If only I knew that you'd like it here…”
“Shhh.” Naegi slowly pulls away to show him a small smile. “It’s alright. I liked it in the courtyard too. Besides, that’s where we first ate lunch together, right?”
“Well…” Komaeda slightly blushes when he remembers. He really looks back fondly at that memory. “…I'm glad that Naegi-kun wasn’t bored with the courtyard.”
“Of course not.” Naegi returns his head to Komaeda’s shoulder. “Nowhere is boring as long as you're there, I think, Komaeda-kun.”
“That really flatters me… Thank you so much.” Komaeda closes his eyes. “I still don’t understand until now why you'd like someone like me… but really, thank you. I'm so happy that there's someone – especially that someone is the perfect embodiment of hope – who regards me as highly as you do, Naegi-kun.”
“Come on now.” Komaeda can almost hear the pout in Naegi’s voice. “I care about you, I love you, and I need you, alright? You're very important, Komaeda-kun… the most important of all. So don’t talk like that about yourself, okay?”
Komaeda whispers a soft ‘okay’ as a response.
He still doesn’t think he's deserving of Naegi’s attention, but he's not going to complain anytime soon. If Naegi thinks he's important, then it’s an honor, a far too great honor that he should just accept and believe, because really, where else can he find someone who regards him this way?
It was already great enough that his feelings were reciprocated, but the fact that it was Naegi, personified hope, just amplifies the total greatness of things. Too good, Komaeda sometimes thinks. Too good to be true, but he's happy nonetheless.
“Komaeda-kun?” Naegi’s gentle voice pulls him out from his reverie. “May I ask you something?”
“Anything at all, of course, Naegi-kun.” Komaeda looks at Naegi as he replies. “What is it?”
“Well… Sorry if this sounds weird, but…” Naegi clears his throat. “Have you ever heard of Hope’s Peak’s Reserve Course?”
“Reserve Course?” Komaeda repeats, slightly tilting his head. “Hope’s Peak has something like that?”
“Well, it’s okay if you don’t know, but Enoshima-san just mentioned it to me. I was wondering if maybe you’ve heard about it already.” Naegi smiles. “But it’s alright. Don’t worry about it.”
“No… If you would want me to, I’ll do my best to find out about it.” Naegi is just too kind to forgive his incompetence. “But to get me started, if it’s alright for you to answer, what exactly did Enoshima-san say?”
“Let me see…” Naegi lightly rubs his chin with a finger. “I quote this from her… ‘The Reserve Course is so insignificant…’ See, I don’t believe she’d mention anything that’s really not important. I mean, you know how Enoshima-san is… I get the feeling that I have to know about it, haha… I'm so sorry I had to pull you into this business.”
“No, don’t apologize, Naegi-kun.” Komaeda smiles. “I really am curious now, though. I’ll find out everything that I can, then I’ll tell you about it, okay?”
“Thank you so much, Komaeda-kun. This means so much to me.” Naegi returns his smile, looking flattered. The sight made Komaeda’s chest feel all warm. “This reminds me… Hinata-kun. He really is studious, isn’t he? He seems like a smart person.”
“Oh, yes, you're right! Hinata-kun is really smart indeed! What about him?”
“Well, I was just thinking that maybe he knows about the Reserve Course… I don’t know, he strikes me as someone who's really scholarly, haha. I wanted to ask him myself, but I think it would be better if you do it instead because you guys are closer. Besides…” Naegi scoots to Komaeda. “…I’d really want you guys to interact as much as possible now. I still feel bad for keeping you from your classmates.”
“Naegi-kun, you're too kind…” Komaeda leans in closer as well, placing his forehead on Naegi’s shoulder. “I already told you a lot of times that it’s really alright. I don’t want you to feel bad… so please don’t think about that anymore, okay?”
“I’d try…” Naegi hugs him. “Oh, and right… I remembered another thing.”
Komaeda returns the hug. “What is it, Naegi-kun?”
“I have another favor to ask.”
“You don’t even have to ask, Naegi-kun. You know that.” Komaeda closes his eyes. “Anything, Naegi-kun. Tell me.”
“Well, I'm having a hard time, but I wanted to memorize your phone number, so I'm trying my best…” Naegi tightens his hug. “That’s why, whatever happens, please don’t change it. I really want to know it by heart.”
Komaeda smiles even if Naegi can’t see his expression at the moment. “Of course. I don’t have a reason to change it anytime soon anyway. And really, thank you so much, Naegi-kun. I appreciate it.”
--
Hope’s Peak’s library is huge and really well-ventilated. Komaeda likes coming there because of the wide array of books that it has to offer. His interests are pretty flexible, so he actually has the tendency to not mind what book he's reading.
The truth is he likes reading so much, and once he has engaged himself in the activity, he doesn’t really care what he's reading as long as he is.
He remembers the time when he was useful enough to be the one to teach Naegi about the lessons that he missed. That memory—he looks back at it really fondly too.
He usually hangs out in the fiction section of the library, but right now, he has a particular topic in mind. Hope’s Peak’s Reserve Course… It was unforgivable that he wasn’t knowledgeable about something that Naegi wanted to find out about. It was a shameful mistake, and Komaeda would do anything to rectify it.
‘Hope’s Peak Academy’s History.’
‘The Founder of Hope’s Peak Academy.’
‘Hope’s Peak Academy.’
Nothing seems to be of note. Maybe it was a bad idea to look in the library, after all. Naegi probably looked in the library first before asking Komaeda anyway…
Ahh, Komaeda suddenly felt extra stupid.
Despite realizing the sheer foolishness of his actions, he decides to continue looking through the library’s books. There was only one shelf that he hadn’t inspected yet anyway, and it wouldn’t hurt to try. If he's lucky, maybe he’d find something…
And he is.
He is lucky.
A small black book that seems really out of place in the last shelf is placed in between books that don’t match its size. Its cover is just plainly black, and not even a small speck of detail is written on it. Without even looking at it, Komaeda just felt it within himself that this is the book that he needs.
He opens it, and as he does so, he can’t keep a smile from showing on his face.
He truly is lucky, overly lucky.
The book doesn’t even look like it’s the library’s property, if Komaeda were to be honest. That’s why he hurriedly takes the book and places it in his bag without formally borrowing it with his library card. Obviously, someone else might have accidentally left this book in the library, but hey, finders keepers.
Komaeda keeps a smile on his face as he walks out the library, feeling satisfied. Times like this make him appreciate his good luck. He knows that his talent sounds like garbage, but it’s still a talent, after all. No matter how useless his talent sounds, it can still play to his favor anyway.
His thoughts get interrupted when he bumps into something (or probably someone) soft, and he instinctively closes his eyes for a short while, speaking out a rather loud apology. He opens his eyes as quickly as he closed them, and he was greeted by a rather… unpleasant sight.
Enoshima Junko.
There was Enoshima Junko standing in front of him with a smile. While she isn’t doing anything unpleasant per se, there still is the fact that her presence itself unsettles Komaeda for a reason that he doesn’t know yet at the moment.
And because he still doesn’t know, he still feels the need to act civilized around her, granting that she's Naegi’s friend and classmate, and not to mention, a symbol of hope. She may make Komaeda feel uncomfortable, but she's still the Super High School Level Fashionista, after all.
Komaeda forces a smile, bowing his head slightly. “I'm sorry about that, Enoshima-san.”
“Aw, come on! No need to be so formal, Komaeda-kun!” Enoshima giggles. “You came from the library, huh?”
“Yes, I was looking for something.”
She smiles, and Komaeda doesn’t know why his discomfort grew even stronger than before. “It’d be great if you found what you were looking for.”
“Right… Uh, thank you, Enoshima-san.” Something feels wrong. “I did find it, so I'm actually on the way to the dorm now. I’ll be going, Enoshima-san. See you tomorrow.”
“See you tomorrow.” Enoshima echoes, and as Komaeda scurried further from her, further from her unsettling presence, she adds, “Say hi to Hinata-kun for me.”
--
The Reserve Course Department.
Hope’s Peak Academy is a highly prestigious and exclusive school, and only a selected few are graced with the opportunity to attend it. However, that does not imply that the academy has a difficult entrance exam. In fact, the only requirements that must be satisfied are the following:
1.) One must be a high school student.
2.) One must be the number one in their field.
As the academy also is a research facility for talent, immense funds will be needed to continue the gathering of data. Having a few students – not to mention that the tuition fee that they pay is rather average – does not really do much to aid the academy’s financial needs.
Enter the Reserve Course Department. The Reserve Course Department is a group of students who only satisfy one of the requirements needed to get in the academy, namely, the first requirement. Even without the possession of a ‘Super High School Level Talent’, a student can be branded as one of Hope’s Peak Academy if they choose to enroll to the Reserve Course. However, the catch is that they had to pay a rather costly tuition fee, an amount that is much greater compared to the fee that the students from the main course pay.
Because of the monetary support amassed from the Reserve Course, the academy is able to continue its research with no complications, even able to upgrade and buy various equipments that Hope’s Peak’s researchers and scientists deem necessary.
Up until the present time, the academy is operating rather smoothly because of the money that the Reserve Course is continually providing. The department still exists, despite the fact that its identity is unknown to most, if not all, students of the main course. The first reason why the main course is generally clueless regarding the Reserve Course is because of the fact that the department is placed in an entirely different location from the academy’s main branch. The second is that the researchers see to it that its existence remains hidden, no matter what it takes.
--
The Reserve Course Department.
In short, a group of people even more worthless than Komaeda. He could only scoff as a reaction to the Reserve Course’s impudence. They bought their way to Hope’s Peak Academy to satisfy their selfish desire of embodying hope. In Komaeda’s opinion, that is impudence in its highest level.
This world is simple. It’s either one is born with talent or without it at all. It’s either one is fitting to embody hope or not. There is no in between. For talentless people, for the people who don’t deserve to embody hope, the best that they can do with their existence is to do everything they can to support and assist the hope of the people superior to them.
The mere thought of the Reserve Course Department’s existence makes Komaeda feel like gritting his teeth.
He grips the book in his hands even tighter—he can see that his already pale hands paled even more when he did—and if it weren’t for his desire to conduct a pursuit of knowledge, he would have burned the book and thrown it to the trash where it belongs.
His thoughts get interrupted when the door to their dorm room opens slowly. Komaeda looks up from the book, and he sees Hinata entering the room while looking at him. Komaeda realizes that his negative feelings regarding what he's reading must have manifested in his face because Hinata turns to him with a look of curiosity and worry.
“Komaeda?” Hinata calls out as he walks towards him. “Are you okay? What's that?”
“Nothing important.” Komaeda smiles and closes the book, placing it on the table. He decides that maybe he should just proceed his reading some other time since it’s angering him too much. “I'm okay, Hinata-kun, thanks for asking. How about you? You seem really tired.”
“Aren't I, always?” Hinata rolls his eyes, but he lets out a soft chuckle anyway. “Are you really okay, though? You looked really upset about something.”
“I really am okay.” Komaeda lets out a chuckle of his own. “Hinata-kun, you worry too much.”
“I do, huh…”
“Ah, right, right! I remembered something!” Komaeda’s smile widens. “I'm sure Hinata-kun is busy and would rather study right now, but there is something that I wanted to talk about.”
“Oh?” Hinata’s eyebrows are raised in curiosity. “It’s okay, really. I can use a break. What is it?”
“Well, see, I just wanted to ask if Hinata-kun has ever heard of Hope’s Peak Academy’s Reserve Course Department.”
“…What?” The expression in Hinata’s face was unreadable. It almost looked a bit angry, or maybe worried, or possibly even scared, but Komaeda doesn’t really understand why Hinata would react that way. He decides that he's probably mistaken with his guesses of Hinata’s possible emotions. Hah, how impertinent for trash like him to try anticipating what someone like Hinata is feeling. “I don’t understand… Why?”
“Sorry! I'm really sorry!” Komaeda puts both of his hands in front of himself and does his best to let out an apologetic chuckle. “I didn’t mean to startle you. I mean, it’s okay if you don’t know what the Reserve Course Department is. It’s not like they're important! I was just wondering if you know about them, so—”
“Wait, wait, sorry to interrupt you, but where exactly did you hear about this Reserve Course Department?”
“Oh.” Komaeda nods at the book placed on the table. “I found a book in the library, and I thought that maybe Hinata-kun knows about them too. But as I said, they're hardly important, so I really understand if you never heard about them!”
“May I see the book?”
“Sure, of course. Don’t expect great things though, you'd be disappointed.” Komaeda takes the book from the table and hands it to Hinata. “Don’t remove the bookmark, please!”
Hinata doesn’t reply as he takes the book and opens it. He looks really alarmed about something, and Komaeda wonders if that’s just how Hinata reacts whenever there's something that he isn’t aware about. Hinata is hardworking, eager to learn, so that’s probably why…
Hinata’s eyes scan the book, turning each page rather fast, before looking at Komaeda again. “…You found this in the library?”
“Yep! But it doesn’t look like a library book, huh? I mean, it doesn’t even have the usual stamp that the library’s books have… so I actually just took it from the library—”
“Fake.” Hinata pushes the book towards Komaeda’s hands. “I think it’s fake. It’s not even Hope’s Peak’s book, so someone with a hyperactive imagination probably put it in there.”
“Well, I suppose that’s a possibility… but I think it’s also plausible that it’s true. I mean, it is indeed a wonder how Hope’s Peak has enough funds to have the advanced technology that we sometimes have the opportunity of seeing. We don’t usually go to the Biology Lab, but I'm sure you remember the different apparatuses that we saw, Hinata-kun.”
“Even so.” Hinata shakes his head. “How can you believe a concept as… weird as that? Hope’s Peak having a different branch, and not to mention, a group of… untalented students? The whole country views the academy as the most prestigious, and do you really believe that a school as important as Hope’s Peak Academy will just simply sell its name like that?”
“It’s not impossible, Hinata-kun, but I respect your opinion. I understand where you're coming from, I really do, I know that you admire Hope’s Peak as much as I admire it, and the idea of the Reserve Course, I know, is very upsetting.” Komaeda nods at Hinata. “The possibility that people so disrespectful exist, not to mention that they are a whole department, is indeed very… revolting. There's also the fact that they just used money to get in… and that’s just very disgusting indeed.”
“…Yeah.” Hinata nods as well, almost as if copying Komaeda. “You're right.”
Silence filled the room after that. Hinata still looks upset somehow, but Komaeda understands. Maybe that was how he looked like as well earlier while he was reading the book. He briefly wonders if he really should report his findings to Naegi. Naegi would probably just get upset as well, so it’s a tough choice to make…
“…Komaeda, I, uh, have a question to make.” Hinata interrupts his thoughts. “Assuming that the Reserve Course is real, don’t you think that it’s at least admirable that the students there are trying to gain a talent? I mean, it’s beyond your bookmark, so you probably haven’t read that part yet, but the book also stated that the Reserve Course is trying to get reconsidered in the main course.”
Komaeda hums, contemplative. “If I were to be asked… I’d say it’s not even worth admiring.”
“…Yeah?”
“Talent can’t be learned, Hinata-kun. It’s an inborn thing. I think the Reserve Course is just wasting everybody’s time.”
“Seems so.” Hinata slowly nods. “…I, uh, just realized that I left one of my books in the classroom. I'm just going back to get it real fast, Komaeda. See you in a bit. I’ll return quickly.”
“Oh, alright.” Komaeda smiles. “Don’t tire yourself out too much, Hinata-kun!”
--
“Um, Naegi-kun?” Komaeda nervously sits beside Naegi on the rooftop, absentmindedly fiddling with his fingers. “There's something that I have to apologize about…”
“Oh?” Naegi curiously tilts his head. “Whatever it is, I'm sure I won’t get upset… Don’t worry too much, Komaeda-kun. You can tell me.”
“Well, see…” Komaeda pulls out the black book from his coat’s rather spacious pocket. “You asked me about the Reserve Course Department a few days ago… I took so long to tell you about my findings because it’s rather upsetting news, and I didn’t want to upset you, Naegi-kun. But now, I realized that it’s even worse if I hide things from you, so…”
“Oh…” Naegi smiles, reaching out a hand to ruffle Komaeda’s hair. “I'm really flattered that you're thinking about me, Komaeda-kun.”
Komaeda ignores the growing warmth in his cheeks as he hands Naegi the book. “I found information regarding the Reserve Course there… They're quite an upsetting bunch… That’s why I hesitated to tell you.”
Naegi nods to indicate that he's still listening as he turns the pages of the book. “Thank you for working hard, Komaeda-kun… And oh, are you done reading this book?”
“Well, I already have read everything there about the Reserve Course… so if Naegi-kun wants to borrow it, it’s okay.”
“No.” Naegi shakes his head, gently pressing the book against Komaeda’s fingers. “I mean, you might want to finish the book, and I'm not really rushing. I can wait for you to be done reading everything…”
“Naegi-kun, you're too nice.” Komaeda smiles. “I insist. The rest of the book just talks about details that the other books already have, so I don’t really find it necessary to read everything. It’s okay for you to take it now.”
“Alright then.” Naegi flashes him a smile as well, and Komaeda sincerely finds it amazing how that never gets old. “I’ll return the book to you when I'm done… Did you ask Hinata-kun about the Reserve Course, by the way?”
“I did, but sadly, he doesn’t know anything either.” Komaeda’s smile turns apologetic. “He actually doubted the whole idea, but then again, I don’t blame him… I suppose it is indeed surreal in some ways.”
“Ah, is that so.” Naegi slowly nods. “Did the idea of the Reserve Course upset Hinata-kun as well? You did mention that it is quite upsetting, after all…”
“Well, Hinata-kun disapproved of the fact that the Reserve Course simply bought Hope’s Peak’s name. He also agreed when I pointed out they're disgusting! That’s a normal reaction, I think. Anyone in the right mind would find that department disrespectful.”
“Don’t let it anger you too much.” Naegi ruffles his hair. Komaeda feels his face heating up again.
Naegi’s effect on him is amazing.
--
“I'm home, Hinata—” Komaeda abruptly pauses. “…Hinata-kun? What's wrong?”
Hinata was sitting at his usual place on the chair by the table. Only, his hands are cradling his head, and while Komaeda can’t really see his face from his current angle, he can guess that Hinata probably is staring at the table too.
“Hinata-kun…” Komaeda calls out, worried, as he walks towards Hinata. He places a hand on Hinata’s shoulder, wondering if he should be doing this. For all he knows, Hinata probably wants some time on his own. “…Is there anything I can do to help? What's going on?”
Hinata removes his hands from his head and forms a fist. He hits the wooden table with it, and the sound momentarily fills the quiet room. “I-I'm okay.” His voice was shaking as he turns to look at Komaeda. “I'm okay. I'm okay.”
“Hinata-kun…” Komaeda just knows that he's probably frowning at the moment. He takes Hinata’s fist to his hands as he replies. “What's the matter?”
“I'm okay.” Hinata just repeats. Komaeda doesn’t believe it, and he knows that Hinata doesn’t either. “I swear I'm okay, Komaeda. I'm really okay.”
“…You're worrying me.” Komaeda whispers. Hinata looks up at him with a visibly surprised expression. “Please tell me what's going on so I can at least help you, Hinata-kun… I know that I'm useless, but—”
“No.” Hinata quickly interrupts him. “That’s not it. That’s not it at all. It’s just that…”
Komaeda nods to wordlessly tell Hinata to go on.
“…This is going to sound weird, but…” Hinata places his free hand on Komaeda’s. “…Please change your number.”
“…Huh?” Komaeda was filled with confusion. “Why?”
“Just…” Hinata breathes deeply. “…Please? Please just change it.”
“I don’t understand, but okay…” Komaeda smiles at him as an effort to be as comforting as possible. “I’ll give Hinata-kun my new number as soon as possible.”
“Thank you.” Hinata sighs, relieved, and he reaches out to tentatively embrace Komaeda. “…Really sorry for the weird request. I’ll make it up to you sometime, alright?”
“Oh, no, you don’t have to do that, Hinata-kun.” Komaeda ruffles his hair. “I should be the one making up things to you, so… it’s really okay.”
Komaeda can still see the tiredness in Hinata’s eyes, but he managed a small smile now at least. “If you feel that way… can you hang out with me right now then? Or if you're busy, I'm okay with some other time…”
“Ah, right now is a good time, actually.” Komaeda smiles back. “What does Hinata-kun want to do?”
Hinata looks surprised for a moment. It was only brief, but Komaeda noticed it. He tries to ignore the gnawing guilt at his chest because he realizes that they’ve come to the point where it’s surprising for them to hang out. He tries to ignore the fact that whatever he does, he knows that his guilt won’t be alleviated anytime soon.
“We should do something fun, huh…” Hinata softly chuckles that it almost sounds sheepish. “I mean, when I said ‘hang out’, I was thinking of studying together, but now that I think more hardly about it, it’s better if we do something for fun, after all… So, uh, do you want to do anything?”
“Studying is alright with me, actually. But then again, I think Hinata-kun is studying too much, so it’s probably better for you to unwind.” Komaeda pulls up Hinata from the chair. “Do you want to eat dinner somewhere? Or have you eaten already?”
“Well, I have eaten already… but it’s okay, we can still grab some snacks or maybe some drinks.”
As they start walking towards the door, Hinata’s phone loudly vibrates against the wooden table. Hinata ignores it, just continuing to walk, even as Komaeda curiously turns to it. “…Hey, Hinata-kun? You're not going to bring your phone with you?”
“Ignore it.” Hinata replies almost as soon as Komaeda stops speaking. “It’ll just bother us. I, uh, frankly miss hanging out with you, so… I don’t want to be distracted.”
“Ah, right. That’s a good idea, actually.” Komaeda pulls out his phone from his pocket and walks towards the table to place it beside Hinata’s. “I guess I should leave my phone here too.”
“Oh…” Hinata bites his lower lip. “…What if Naegi texts you or calls you or something? You shouldn’t leave your phone behind.”
“Ah. Then I’d inform Naegi-kun.” Komaeda smiles at Hinata before diverting his attention to his phone. He inputs the security lock which is Naegi’s birthday, no matter how clichéd and embarrassing that is.
‘Naegi-kun, I'm going out tonight without my phone. I apologize in advance if you'd have to contact me, but I promise I’ll respond as soon as I get back. I hope I don’t upset you. :( By the way, Hinata-kun seemed really troubled about something just now and he wanted me to change my number. He didn’t tell me why, but I figured I should tell you because you didn’t want me to do that. I don’t want to disrespect your request, especially since you were as kind as to even want to memorize my number by heart, but Hinata-kun looked really bothered and I wanted to help. What should I do, Naegi-kun?’
Komaeda sends the message and locks his phone again, finally walking towards Hinata. “We can go now.”
Hinata’s eyes hesitantly look at Komaeda’s phone then back at Komaeda. “Are you really sure? I won’t mind if you have your phone, promise…”
“Naegi-kun is very understanding. He also said that he wanted us to hang out more, you know.” Komaeda holds Hinata’s wrist, tugging him to the door. “So let’s go, okay?”
“He said that?” Hinata doesn’t resist Komaeda’s pulling of him anymore. “…He's really nice, huh.”
“Very! Naegi-kun is practically perfect, haha!” Komaeda airily chuckles as he turns off the lights and locks the door before they go out. They exit their dorm room, and they continue walking side by side in the hallway.
“Yeah…” Hinata nods. “You guys go well together. You're both, uh… really perfect.”
Komaeda laughs. “Now you're just being too nice, Hinata-kun! I know I'm quite far from perfect and that Naegi-kun’s too good for me. Thanks though!”
Hinata rolls his eyes. “You still think that way, huh… I mean it, really. I'm not just being nice… I do think you're perfect…” He pauses for a bit. “I mean, uh, you're a really, really great friend, so…”
“Thank you! You're a really great friend as well, Hinata-kun. I don’t think I deserve to be friends with someone as great as you, but really, I'm so glad.”
Hinata nods, whispering a soft ‘me too’, and then it was silent once more. Komaeda thinks of topics to talk about—sure, there were moments back then when they also shared the silence just like this, but right now, Komaeda just wants to talk and talk. Actually, he feels like he should, because if not, his guilt will just continue growing with each second of silence.
“Hinata-kun?”
“Yes?” Hinata replies as they finally exit the dorm itself. The breeze of the night was cold, and it blows softly on Komaeda’s face as a greeting. Komaeda doesn’t really fare well to the cold, and that’s why he usually uses thick clothing like he is at the moment.
Hinata, on the contrary, usually goes by with just one jacket, and nothing too thick, either. He himself is also warm most of the time, almost as if his body stores heat for cold times.
“Well, I was just thinking what kind of snack or drink we should grab.” Komaeda lightly chuckles. “Any preferences?”
“Hmm…” Hinata taps his chin. “You know that restaurant that we always go to back then? They recently started selling mochi, and I thought I shouldn’t check it out without you… I mean, you were my usual companion when going there, after all. Wanna go there?”
“Oh… I actually tried them out a few days ago, and I think they were good!” Komaeda smiles. “I wouldn’t mind going there again. You make good choices, Hinata-kun!”
“Ah, yeah, thanks… Were you with Naegi?”
“Yep! I made Naegi-kun try out your favorite mochi—kusamochi, right? He liked it too, and he said that you pick well!”
“Hah, but that’s all. I only pick well…” Hinata clears his throat. “Anyway… Do you want to try a place we both haven’t visited yet? I just thought that that’s a better idea, after all.”
“Oh, sure! We both haven’t tried that one behind the restaurant that sells mochi now, right? Or have you?”
“Nah, I don’t… To be honest, I'm not really trying out new places nowadays. I'm, uh, not comfortable doing that by myself.”
“Ah, alright then! Good thing we’re with each other right now!” Komaeda hears Hinata making a sound of agreement as they continue walking. After that was silence yet again. The silence feels like nails on a chalkboard for Komaeda, and he hates how all of this is his fault. If it weren’t for his incompetence, if only he were good enough, if only, if only, if only—
“Sorry for being weird yet again, but you know, I, uh…” Hinata scratches the back of his head, biting his lower lip. “…I really missed you.”
“I really missed you too, Hinata-kun.”
“Did you, really?” Hinata turns to him. “…Sorry, I just can’t help it. It really has been a while since we’ve been together like this, we’re supposed to be having fun, but I want to know, Komaeda. Why did you… suddenly ignore us? Ignore me?”
Komaeda sighs. He knows that this conversation will keep coming and coming up because he never really put proper closure to it. “I already told you, Hinata-kun. I said there was no good reason. I just thought I should try ignoring people, and that’s it. That’s all.”
“And I already said I don’t believe you!” Hinata shakes his head. He turns to Komaeda, and there was that pained look again, that pained look that drives Komaeda guilty. “Komaeda, please. You can trust me. I won’t tell our classmates if that’s what you're worried about. Were you upset with us? We unknowingly did something, didn’t we?”
“Hinata-kun…” Komaeda sighs again. “I already said no. It’s not you guys, it’s not you, and it’s just my choice—”
“…Are we even important to you, Komaeda?” The sheer curiosity in Hinata’s voice scared Komaeda a little bit. “H-How about me? Am I even important to you? Are we really best friends or did I just assume that again?”
“Hinata-kun…” Komaeda notes that he almost sounds like he's pleading, but he ignores it. “You really are my best friend. You really are important to me. I didn’t want to make you feel otherwise—”
“Then why?” Hinata interrupts him yet again, his voice sounding firmer than before. Komaeda just wants to hide. “Come on, why? If I really am important to you… then it’s alright if I know this much, right?”
“I have nothing to tell you because there really is no reason, Hinata-kun.”
“I still think that’s bull, but alright, suppose that there really is no reason—why am I not exempted from what you did?” Hinata was frowning now, not that he wasn’t earlier. “If I really am important, then you wouldn’t want to do something like that to me… right?”
The guilt feels like it took a physical form and started repeatedly kicking Komaeda everywhere. “…I-I think we should just go home now. Don’t you agree, Hinata-kun?”
Hinata’s frown was instantly wiped off from his face, getting replaced by an expression of surprise, then of pain once more. “…I'm sorry, Komaeda. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please don’t ignore me again. I didn’t mean to pressure you too much, I just… really want to know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”
“It’s alright…”
“…Are we still going home? I swear, I'm really sorry—”
“Does Hinata-kun want to?”
“Well, no...” Hinata bites his lower lip. “I said I miss hanging out with you… I ruined it, didn’t I?”
“No… It’s okay, we can just forget about what happened…” Komaeda pats Hinata on the back and continues walking. “Let’s hurry up. I'm excited to see what snacks that restaurant has.”
Hinata doesn’t look convinced, but he walks with Komaeda anyway.
--
It wasn’t comfortable.
They were obviously dancing around the topic, doing their best not to address it again, and they both know that’s the case.
Is this how it’s supposed to be?
--
‘Alright, keep safe, Komaeda-kun. :)’
‘Are you guys home yet? It’s kinda late...’
One missed call.
‘I'm getting worried.’
‘And kinda jealous, haha ^^;’
Two more missed calls.
‘Also I don’t want you to change your number. :( Sorry… but maybe if Hinata-kun explains why…’
‘Are you guys home yet?’
Two more missed calls.
Komaeda doesn’t know if he should be apologetic, embarrassed, flattered, or all of the above, but he's leaning on the latest possibility. It’s true that Hinata and he took longer than the expected time outside. Even if things were a bit awkward and that they're obviously doing their best to avoid that certain topic, they managed to talk about other things.
Weirdly, it felt like catching up even if they see each other every day.
He didn’t really want to worry Naegi, but he still did. He quickly tries to type up a reply, with the keyword being ‘tries’ because he doesn’t know how to make his reply sound sufficient. He worried Naegi, caused him to relive his jealousy, all because he didn’t expect that they'd be out too long.
This is all because of his incompetence yet again.
‘I'm so sorry, Naegi-kun. I'm really, really, really sorry :( We took longer than I expected. I didn’t want you to be worried. I'm so sorry for failing you yet again. I'm really so incompetent and I can’t do anything right. I'm so sorry. :( I hope Naegi-kun forgives me…
Also, I’ll try to reach a compromise regarding my number… I'm sorry. ‘
Hinata looks guilty as he stares at Komaeda, biting his lower lip. “…So did he get worried? It’s my fault for getting the idea of leaving our phones behind in the first place. I'm sorry.”
“No, it’s alright…” Komaeda looks up from his phone and smiles at Hinata. “I replied now, and I hope Naegi-kun is still awake to see it… He's understanding. I'm sure he’d understand…”
“…If you want, I can send an apology too.” Hinata sighs. “It’s my fault.”
Komaeda’s phone vibrates, and they both turn their attention to it. He quickly unlocks it to read what he assumes to be Naegi’s reply.
‘I'm glad you finally replied. I was so worried. Sorry if I overreacted. :(
Also, you probably should ask Hinata-kun why he wants you to change your number. Maybe he has a good reason?’
“I'm so glad that I didn’t upset Naegi-kun… He wasn’t upset, Hinata-kun. He was just worried…” Komaeda sighs, finally in a relieved manner, as he looks up from the phone to face Hinata again. “By the way… I remembered. Hinata-kun, why did you want me to change my number again?”
“…Ah.” Hinata tenses. “…Can’t you just do it? Is there a reason why you can’t?”
“Well, see…” Komaeda lightly scratches his cheek. “Naegi-kun wanted to memorize my number by heart, and I don’t think it’s going to be helpful if I change my number all of a sudden.”
“Oh…” Hinata furrows his eyebrows, disappointed. “…Remember that asshole that was texting me nonstop? Well, whoever they are… they said they're going to text you too. I, uh, just wanted you to avoid that…”
“Ah, they still haven’t stopped yet?” Komaeda blinks. “…Is that why Hinata-kun is bothered? What are they saying anyway? I'm sure whatever they say, I can put up with it.”
“No, uh, see…” Hinata bites his lower lip. “…Please just change it.”
So Hinata was just really worried about him, after all. The gesture flatters Komaeda, but he doesn’t think now that changing numbers is necessary, after all. As he said, he knows that he can put up with it whatever the stranger says. “How about you, Hinata-kun? Can’t you just change yours instead? Or maybe block the stranger’s phone number?”
Hinata ruffles his own hair rather harshly. “I would have done that ever since the start if I could. I'm not stupid, Komaeda.”
“That’s not what I'm implying at all, Hinata-kun! Of course you're quite far from stupid. Actually, you're really smart! I'm the one who's being stupid right now because I should have known that you already tried what I suggested… I'm sorry.”
“Actually, no, I'm sorry too… I'm sorry for snapping…” Hinata sighs, his frown deepening. “So, uh, anyway, you'll change it, right?”
Komaeda nods, reaching out to lightly squeeze Hinata’s arm. “I will. Don’t let that stranger get to you, by the way, Hinata-kun. I'm sure, whoever they are, they have nothing on your hope.”
They talk a bit more, mostly Komaeda encouraging Hinata, and before sleeping, Komaeda whips out a reply for Naegi.
‘Looks like Hinata-kun was receiving anonymous messages and the stranger told him that I’ll be receiving texts too. Hinata-kun was just worried, but anyway, I know I’ll be fine even if that happens. I did tell Hinata-kun that I’ll be changing my number though… so I just plan to buy a separate sim card and use that one for contacting Hinata-kun. I think my phone allows usage of two sim cards at a time anyway… Is that alright? I mean, I’ll be deceitful that way, but I'm just trying to help reassure Hinata-kun too… What do you think, Naegi-kun? That way, I won’t be changing my number, and I’d have a new one, too.’
He sends the message and closes his eyes, going to sleep.
--
‘I think that’s a perfect idea, Komaeda-kun.’