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“I'm what?! Can you repeat that?” Kirk asks in disbelief as he is sitting on a biobed in Sickbay, looking at Doctor McCoy with wide and panicked eyes.
The doctor rolls his eyes at his captain and hands him the PADD that he is holding, so that Jim can see the results himself. “Dammit Jim! I'm a doctor, not a parrot! Look for yourself.”
The blonde shaky hands take a hold of the PADD handed to him and he scans the screen manically. He drops the piece of machinery beside his lap and his frantic gaze focuses on McCoy once more. “I'm pregnant! I. Am. Fucking. Pregnant! As my personal physician, could you please explain to me how that is POSSIBLE?!”
Bones flinches as Kirk screams the last part and places a gentle hand on his friend’s shoulder and pats it in comfort. Kirk appreciates the gesture but would really like some answers more than comfort.
“Calm down, Jim. You can't stress yourself out when you’re in this condition,” pleads McCoy in a soft voice.
The captain narrows his eyes at his CMO. McCoy notices the glare and removes his hand before taking a few steps back, just in case the crazy pregnant man tries to rip off his arm. Leonard remembers how emotional his wife was with Joanna.
“Bones, how the fuck did I get into this condition?” Kirk's voice is eerily low and it sends shivers up and down McCoy's spine.
“From the best I can gather, after you returned from being 'Jamie' during that transporter incident last month, something was left behind. Namely a fully functioning set of ovaries and a uterus. Apparently you got pregnant as a woman and your body chose to keep it when you became male again,” McCoy explains with a small amount of wonder in his voice.
Anger starts to tighten Kirk's face as he lets that information settle in. He points an accusing finger at his best friend as he exclaims, “How did you not pick this up? You scanned me right after I turned back into a man. You said everything was working fine!”
McCoy slaps the finger away and crosses his arms over his chest. Through a haze of red, Jim can see that anger is beginning to bubble within the doctor as well.
“Don't point that damn finger at me! The readings were accurate at the time. Everything WAS working fine, including your new reproductive organs. The tricorder was only programmed to discover any injuries, not if you had suddenly gained the equipment needed to bear children!”
Kirk deflates as his anger evaporates. He knows it's not really the doctor's fault, but it felt really nice to blame someone for a moment. It made him forget the fear that was threatening to consume him. “I'm sorry Bones. I didn't mean to get angry at you. This has just thrown me for a loop...a really big loop,” Jim mutters.
McCoy's fury seems to subside at his friend’s admission and he moves to sit next to the, now with child, Captain. He wraps an arm around Kirk's waist and the blonde rests his head on the older man's shoulder with a sigh.
“What am I going to tell Spock, Bones?”
McCoy pulls Jim closer to him in what he hopes is a comforting hug. Kirk relishes in the warmth the action creates. He basks in the scent of peaches and bourbon that always seems to cling to the doctor.
“The truth, Jim. All you can tell him is the truth,” Bones states simply.
Kirk closes his eyes and prays, to any god that is willing to listen, that this will not be the thing that destroys him and Spock.
Kirk's head is spinning as he walks back to his quarters. His mind can't seem to grasp the fact that he is now carrying Spock's baby. It seems like it was just yesterday that he had blown up a Klingon warship and rescued a mining colony, 'wait, that was yesterday!', and now he was going to be a mother...father?
'What the hell do I call myself?'
Kirk walks into his room and finds the table set for dinner. There are two big bowls of vegetarian pasta and two tall glasses of water, but Spock is nowhere to be seen.
'Probably making sure that all meat dishes have been wiped from the replicator.'
The pregnancy wasn’t the only thing on the Captain's mind. He had noticed changes in his lover’s behaviour lately that had him scared. He is afraid that Spock is tiring of him. In Kirk's mind he fears that the pregnancy will be the final nail in their relationship's coffin. The thing that will push the Vulcan out the door and out of his life. Spock had started behaving in a way that had Jim convinced that Spock wanted him to change into someone else. Someone better. Someone a Vulcan could be proud to call a bondmate.
'Probably the reason he hasn't bonded with me yet. I’m not yet suitable.'
Kirk flops into his chair, put his elbows on the table and buries his head in his hands.
Over the last two weeks, Spock had been telling him what to eat, what to drink, when to partake in these activities and had slowly been taking over his workload, thinking Jim wouldn’t notice. At first, Kirk had tried to ignore it, but it was becoming obvious that Spock is not happy with Kirk.
The Vulcan will only replicate vegetarian meals, even though he knows how much Jim loves meat. He is clearly disgusted with his human boyfriend's diet.
Also, during the last mission, when they were going to toast with the planet's representatives, Spock had pointedly taken the champagne from Kirk's hand and replaced it with orange juice. Kirk couldn’t believe that Spock thought him capable of getting drunk on a mission. It hurt him to think that his lover of almost a year had such little faith in him.
Jim also couldn’t ignore the fact that Spock was slowly but surely trying to take over his duties.
During his last shift, he went to complete his paperwork, only to find it already done. He soon discovered that most of his work was not even making it to his inbox and instead was getting diverted to the Science Station.
Spock plainly thinks that Jim is incompetent and has decided that he should take over so that everything is completed in a more satisfactory manner.
As these thoughts and memories float around Kirk's mind, silent tears begin to trail down his cheeks.
“I did not hear you come in T'hy'la. I was just...”
Kirk's head whips up at Spock’s voice and his hands quickly wipe away the evidence of his emotional outburst. He obviously isn’t fast enough, because Spock is now on his knees, by Jim's side and reaching for his lover's face.
“You have been crying. Please tell me what has upset you so,” Spock pleads as gentle hands caress the human’s cheeks.
In desperation, Kirk lunges at Spock and the Vulcan lands on his back, with Jim on top of him, hugging him in a bruising grip. The blonde man begins crying against Spock's warm neck and he can feel the Vulcan's hands come up to rub his back soothingly.
“My T'hy'la, please tell me what is distressing you. It wounds my very katra to see you in tears.”
Kirk's tears are lessening at the whispered plea but he still has very little control over his breathing. He doesn’t lift his head from the comforting heat of Spock's neck as he tries to answer between sobs, “You... don’t... want... me... anymore!”
Spock shakes his head in confusion as Jim’s words come out jumbled to his ears. "You must calm down Jim or I will not be able to understand you."
Kirk takes a few deep breaths to calm himself so that he can speak more clearly and speaks again, “You've realised that I’m not good enough for you, but you're just too nice to say it to my face.”
Spock's hands lift from Kirk's back and settle on the human's blotchy, wet cheeks. He lifts Jim's head away from his neck and looks into watery blue eyes. “Who has told you these falsehoods? Tell me, so I may track them down and rip out their tongue as punishment for making you believe such a thing.”
Kirk sniffs pathetically and tries to turn his face away from Spock's gaze, but the Vulcan's firm grip will not allow it. He has no choice but to answer. “No one said anything. They didn’t have to. You have made it perfectly clear that I disgust you with my eating habits. You’re convinced I’m a drunk and you believe me to be a useless captain. You won’t let me eat meat, drink any alcohol or do my work. Did you really think I wouldn’t notice?”
Spock's eyes widen at these accusations. His hold on Kirk's face falters. The blond takes this opportunity to pull away and lift himself up and off of Spock. Jim walks over to the bed and sits down on the edge, as he watches Spock rise to his feet in a daze.
The Vulcan walks over and sits down next to Kirk. He tries to reach for Jim, but the human flinches away.
“You have greatly misconstrued my actions. I had no intention of making you feel as if I wanted to change you. You are my T'hy'la. You are the most cherished thing in my life. I love you just the way you are,” Spock explains as he places his hands in his lap so he doesn’t further upset is mate.
Kirk simply stares blankly into the empty space of the room and sighs. He wants to believe Spock but there is too much evidence that contradicts his words. He voices his confusion, “If you love me so much then why have you been treating me like everything I am is wrong or that I can't handle things on my own?”
Spock gets off the bed the two men have been sharing for 8 months and falls to his knees before his Captain. The Vulcan places his hands on the human's thighs and squeezes gently. Kirk's gaze drops to Spock's face and is startled to see desperation all over his lover's face.
“That was never my intention. I only wanted what was best for you. For you and our baby. I never meant to make you feel-”
Kirk interrupts him by suddenly reaching out with his hands and grabbing the Vulcan’s hair to pull him closer. “You know about the baby? How? I only found out today.”
Spock's hands come up to grip Kirk's arms, not to remove them, but to gain a better physical connection with his T'hy'la as he replies, “I came to a logical conclusion. I have known for nearly two weeks. I could smell the change in your body’s scent. I also heard the second heartbeat five days ago when we were lying close. I did not tell you because I believed only Doctor McCoy's blunt honesty would get you to actually believe what had happened to you.”
Kirk's harsh hold on Spock's hair turns into a soft caress. Spock continues, seeing that he is getting through to the emotional human in front of him, “I committed all those action for your wellbeing. The baby is part Vulcan and will have trouble digesting meat. Alcohol is dangerous for the foetus. Both its human and Vulcan biology will not allow it to be metabolised. Jim, I took over much of your work because stress can be detrimental to both the baby’s and your health.”
Kirk slides off the bed and straddles Spock's thighs. He places his hands behind the Vulcan's head and pulls him forward into a kiss. Spock's hands rise up and his fingers caress Jim's face as he deepens the kiss.
The Captain is the one to break away first. He gazes adoringly into Spock's deep, brown eyes as he asks, “So you still want me? You want our baby?”
Spock peppers butterfly kisses over Jim's eyes before moving to his cheeks and blessing his nose next. The Vulcan finishes his journey of kisses at Kirk's swollen lips, where he brushes each corner before pressing his lips fully against his human mate's mouth.
“I will want you forever and beyond. My life is you and this child. I wish to prove it by bonding with you the next time we are at the Vulcan colony. I have held off asking because I believed you not to be ready. I see that I was mistaken.”
Kirk stands at this admission and pulls Spock up with him.
“I would be honoured to bond with you, but in the meantime, maybe you could show me how much you love me,” Jim requests as he slides his fingers against Spock’s.
Spock does not answer and instead gently pushes Jim onto the bed and climbs on top of his T'hy'la, ripping off Kirk's uniform. He wants his mate now and is not willing to wait. He begins kissing against Jim’s jawline until he reaches a rounded ear and murmurs, “As you are well aware, I am very eager to demonstrate all of my abilities.”
Kirk's legs wrap around Spock's waist and he arches his back to create more friction. “That is exactly what I was counting on.”