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Sometimes, when they’d both fallen quiet, or if they’d steered their conversation toward an especially vulnerable topic, Derek would notice Spencer’s reluctance to meet his eyes. It was cute to see him become so shy. Not discomfort or even awkwardness, but simply shyness, something Spencer rarely displayed before, well, everything. The case had forced out embarrassment, and while Derek enjoyed seeing the way his blush spread out across his face, it was different when he was just feeling shy as opposed to being embarrassed. Embarrassment came without consent. The case, the capture, the inevitable discussions about tickling and what it meant to him: that had embarrassed him.
But now? The pinkening of his cheeks and the avoidance of eye contact only spoke of timidness, and Derek was in love with it. The shyness that came because he allowed himself to be put in a vulnerable position and trusting Derek enough to not take advantage of it in the wrong way.
“Look at me.” He placed his fingertips on Spencer’s chin, tapping it gently to get him to look up. He knew it tickled him. He knew he would jerk away with a panicked giggle each time, and yet Spencer never asked him to stop doing it. Derek had briefly wondered if he avoided his gaze just for him to do it, but while the notion was incredibly endearing he had a feeling it wasn’t the only reason.
“I’m looking,” Spencer said now, having of course let out that laugh Derek had been waiting for.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“You’re pretty.”
“Hmm.”
“Don’t believe me?”
“You say it a lot.”
“Because it’s always true.”
Spencer looked away again, eyes downcast, a smile finding his lips that made Derek’s heart skip a beat.
“Hey.” Another tap to his chin, relishing in how Spencer scrunched up his shoulders instinctively. “Don’t get shy on me now. Look at me.”
“Stop teasing me.”
“Oh, I would never.”
It was a Tuesday. They should be asleep, technically, but the hotel room was anything but soundproof and they could hear everything from cars outside to people walking down the hallway. It was the only reason Derek hadn’t tickled Spencer more properly, afraid to alert the whole world. Minnesota was cold this time of year, but the room was warm. Some might call it cozy. Spencer had called it crowded.
“I could ask for a separate room,” Derek had instantly offered, knowing how he was with space sometimes, but Spencer had grabbed him and refused to let him go until Derek promised to never make a threat like that again. Derek had laughed, maybe slightly hysterically, still unused to Spencer verbalizing (if that even counted as verbalizing) his feelings for him. “So you do like me,” he’d said, and that was when Spencer had gotten shy, a ridiculous yet adorable reaction.
“It’s late,” Spencer said now, maybe changing the topic, maybe simply making an observation.
“It is.”
“We should sleep.”
“Should we?” Derek grabbed his shirt, pulling him closer. “There’s nothing else you’d rather do right now?”
Spencer tilted his head. “Well, I would like to look at the case file one more time.”
Derek curled his fingers over his belly, making him double over with a yelp. “You’re impossible.”
“Oh, did you have other ideas?” he asked innocently, blinking up at him.
“As a matter of fact, I think I just wanna sleep now.”
“Okay, well, I can read while you do that.”
“Uh, no.” Derek suddenly picked him up bridal style, crossing the room while Spencer protested. “You’re stuck with me, I’m afraid.”
Spencer laughed as Derek threw him onto the bed. “Oh, whatever shall I do.”
“You’re so lucky these walls are paper thin and people would think I’m murdering you if I tickled you.” Derek smirked. “Or maybe you’re unlucky.”
Spencer huffed and looked away, a blush finding his cheeks. “Shut up.”
“Mmm, no. I quite like it when you get shy.”
Spencer didn’t reply, if him groaning counted as a no-reply that was.
Derek grabbed his pant legs, janking at them lightly. “Want help undressing?”
“No.” Spencer suddenly grinned up at him, something bold replacing his timidness. “I forgot to bring pajamas.”
“Oh, and what shall we do about that?”
“I guess you’ll have to cuddle me all night to keep me warm.”
“Uh huh.”
“You know, it only seems right. You probably distracted me so that I forgot them.”
“Always so quick to blame me.” Derek climbed over him, poking at his ribs a couple of times in accusation. “But you’re probably right.”
“I usually am.”
“Don’t get cocky now, pretty boy.”
Spencer flushed again, although this time he seemed perfectly fine with it.
They sat up, not yet getting ready for bed. Derek felt like he wasn’t ready for the day to end yet, and so they sat on the bed, both of them leaning against the headboard without speaking.
“Maybe this isn’t the right place to ask this,” Derek started when the silence had stretched out enough that it had filled the entire room. “But. Well. You once said you’d explain it to me.”
Spencer didn’t seem to have to ask what he meant. “I did.”
“You don’t have to now, but- I’d still like to understand. I mean, I’ve done my own research of course, but it seems to be personal enough that it’s different for everyone in some way.”
“It is.”
Derek caught the moment Spencer’s shyness melted into embarrassment. It made him nearly want to drop the subject. “I’m sorry.”
Spencer looked at him. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” he said, reaching out to touch his knee, albeit briefly. “I’m sorry, I just wasn’t prepared for it to happen now.”
“I can wait,” Derek scrambled to say. “Whenever you’re ready.”
Spencer pursed his lips, eyes darting from Derek to their laps and back to Derek. “I think I’m ready now.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Take your time.”
Spencer took that literally, sitting in silence for over two minutes until Derek thought he’d changed his mind when he suddenly said: “How did it start?”
“Sorry?”
“I keep asking myself that, because I can’t really remember. Maybe it never really started but simply evolved from something that was always there. My mother was very affectionate with me before her illness took that from us. She then used other things to express her love. And as you might have noticed I’m not the most touchy person. So I ask myself, why this?”
Derek remained quiet as he spoke. He didn’t mention that he thought his avoidance of touch probably was a coping mechanism more than anything, but who was he to know all that was going on in that genius head of his.
“It’s not even necessarily that I’ve always wanted it for myself,” he continued, cheeks pinkening. “You’re one of the first who does it, but I guess I figured out that it went deeper than just flustered emotions during college.”
“Why college?”
“I, uh, had a friend do it quite often.” Derek decided it wasn’t the time to get jealous of said ‘friend’. “That’s when I looked it up for the first time, although the internet wasn’t the best back then. I found lots of uncomfortable things, but I also learnt a lot. It’s not inherently sexual for me, but- it makes me feel things I can’t explain.”
“You like it.”
It was an unnecessary clarification from Derek’s part, but Spencer nodded nearly eagerly. “I do. And for a long time I didn’t know what to do with that.”
“I get that.”
“Fortunately it wasn’t the case that brought it back up, but I’d slowly been exploring it. Not physically,” he added, flushing to his roots. “But, just, in my mind I guess.”
“Well, I’m glad for that at least.” Derek stroked Spencer’s knuckles with his thumb. “What is it about it that you like? The sensation?”
“Partly. It’s very unbearable, don’t get me wrong, but I like that it’s such a playful thing that it turns into a chase. It’s fun.”
“That’s cute.”
“Shut up.”
“Sorry. Please keep going.”
“I like that there’s trust in it. That it’s vulnerable.”
“I like seeing you flustered while still trusting me.”
“You see? You do get it.”
“I guess I do.” Derek grinned and Spencer looked away. “Hey, don’t shut me out now.” He spidered his fingers up Spencer’s thigh, laughing when his leg jerked away. “God, I would tickle you to pieces if we were at home.”
“Soon,” Spencer said without protesting. “We have to catch the UnSub first.”
“Stupid UnSub tickle blocking us.”
Spencer let out a laugh and finally looked back at him. “He really is stupid, huh.”
“Very.”
“So you agree I should look at the case file one more time before bed?”
“Pretty boy, I will lie on you if you mention the case file one more time.”
Spencer pouted and Derek kissed him, fingers trailing over the nape of his neck until Spencer had to pull away from the touch as he got too close to his ear. Fuckin’ adorable.