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He was so close.
And yet so far.
Laying beside him… only inches away. Side by side in bed.
But he was sleeping so soundly… Sae could not find the nerve to disturb him.
Laying on his back, one arm draped over his stomach, skin covered by a thin sheet.
Was it possible to be jealous of a sheet?
Illogical as it was…yes. It was possible. Sae found himself tugging on the fabric, softly, loosely, as it draped over his own body as well. Covering them both. Locking them in together. It would be so easy…..So easy to reach over and touch him. He wanted to be the one draped over him, covering him with his own body and feeling every inch of his skin against his own.
He was allowed to. He did every day. But there was something about the waiting….the desire to watch him for just a moment.
Ryusei shifted in that moment, the growing brightness in the room surely waking him slowly. Sae reached out a hand, almost touching him, but not quite.
Not yet.
Instead, he simply watched.
Ryusei looked so different when he was asleep. Relaxed. At peace.
Calm.
His full eyelashes kissed his cheeks as he slumbered, and his hair, soft and ungelled, fell around his face, fanning out around him like a halo.
His lips were parted just so, and if Sae got closer, he knew he would hear the soft in and out of Ryusei’s breathing. He never snored, even when he was very tired, but Sae liked the sound as it was. It was comforting, in a strange way, that simply reminded him that Ryusei was still there.
He especially liked it when he laid his head on Ryusei’s chest and his breath tickled Sae’s bangs. He could always tell when Ryusei fell asleep looking at him when they got comfortable in that position. His head angled downward…arms wrapped protectively around him…
Sae wanted that now.
Sitting up in bed, he inched closer, scooting forward slowly so as not to disturb his boyfriend. Ryusei’s chest was bare, tanned skin looking golden and warm in the morning light streaming through the blinds.
He was perfect.
Sae wondered if he knew that.
Maybe he should tell him.
But how? How could he say something so embarrassing even if it was one hundred percent true?
Ryusei was perfect. In every way that mattered.
And Sae loved him more than he loved himself.
And all he wanted to do was touch him, and be touched by him, because then maybe something like perfection would rub off on him too and they could be perfect together and then maybe Sae would actually deserve someone as unique and marvelous as him.
Shidou Ryusei.
The only person to make him feel alive after his world crumbled and he started going through the motions to do not much more than survive.
The person who filtered his excitement and love for the game of football back into him and made him want to try and actually give a fuck for the first time since he changed career paths and positions.
The person who simultaneously made him feel so small and tiny and undeserving and yet so incredibly important and huge and loved.
Because Ryusei loved him too.
Sae could see it. On his face and in his eyes, when he stared and meandered in his thoughts about how much affection he held for Sae. In his body, when he leaned in close and whispered sweet nothings into his ears that quickly turned filthy and dirty and made Sae’s skin tingle with excitement every time. In his hands as they gripped his waist, squeezing tightly enough to make him gasp but soothing away the shock as he ran his finger tips over his arms and down his sides and squeezed just as tightly on the back of his thighs.
Sae was so lucky. Luckier than he ever thought he would be, because nothing in this world ever came from luck, except finding the person that completed the other half of your soul and had the potential to love you so incredibly deeply that nothing else in the world mattered.
Nothing had ever worked out for him as well as Ryusei. And he craved no one more.
Reaching out a hand, he hovered his palm over Ryusei’s chest, wondering, waiting to decide what was the best way.
Retracting the hand, he slid back down onto his side, quickly closing the space between them as he rested his head on Ryusei’s bare shoulder.
Just as suspected. Warm.
Ryusei’s skin stuck to his cheek as he closed his eyes, sliding his arm around his waist, just above where Ryusei’s own arm rested across his stomach. Ryusei shifted slightly in his sleep, but not enough to indicate that he had been awoken. Sae shifted again, lifting one leg to rest over Ryusei’s, desperate as always to increase contact with his boyfriend.
He almost regretted getting dressed for bed the night before. Sure, it was nice that their skin touched as Sae rested his face on Ryusei’s chest, or where his fingers traced the lines of his stomach, memorizing the dips and ridges that he already knew by touch and feel alone.
But it wasn’t enough.
It was never enough.
He wanted….needed to feel Ryusei all over.
If he hadn’t worn sweatpants to sleep in, he would be able to feel the soft skin of Ryusei’s thighs against his legs.
If he hadn’t worn a long sleeved shirt to bed, he could have stolen Ryusei’s body heat right from the source, siphoning it off of him as his torso pressed against his side and as his forearm glided over his stomach.
But Ryusei always knew what he needed.
What he craved.
Ryusei always teased him…. About how he could act as if he was so touch starved when Ryusei touched him, held him whenever he so much as looked his way?
Sae rolled his eyes when he was asked, knowing that the truth was more than most people could handle, even if the response was just one of desperate adoration.
He would never be satisfied.
He dreamed of existing in Ryusei’s aura forever, of living inside his clothes and skin and just being with him, because Ryusei was simply his favorite thing.
His favorite person.
The one who knew him better and treated him better than the rest.
Like how he knew to slide his hand under the back of Sae’s shirt when he woke up, palm burning against his cool skin as his fingers curved over the bumps of Sae’s spine.
Or how he knew to wrap a hand under Sae’s knee, assisting in pulling him closer, hitching up his leg so that he could run the hand that was once so casually draped over his stomach from the back of his knee to the curve of his bottom, possessive, though he didn’t need to be.
Because Sae was all his, and always would be.
Patting the side of Sae’s thigh, Ryusei lifted his head from his pillow, pressing the briefest of kisses to Sae’s forehead before he flopped backwards again. Cozy. Content. Happy.
“Good morning…” He whispered on an exhale, voice thick and drowsy as he continued his favorite activity of waking Sae with his hands, not knowing the other was already awake and had been appreciating him for many minutes before.
“Morning…” Sae mumbled in return, refusing to lift his head for a second as he tightened his grip just briefly, a pulse of a hug before relaxing once again in Ryusei’s hold.
“What ya wanna do today?” Ryusei asked, question mandatory and polite, just to check to see if Sae had literally any other plans for their day. But of course he didn’t, and he sighed with a loud huff.
This.
This was exactly what he wanted to do today.
To cuddle and kiss and spend time with the person who made it seem like second nature to be so affectionate.
And when they were bored of this, they would move to a new location. Be it the couch in the living room, or the lounge chair on the porch outside. Anywhere. Everywhere that they could simply be together and feel each other and…
Sae shook his head, imagining the tips of his red hair tickling Ryusei’s chin.
“Nothing? I can do that…” Ryusei laughed, the rumble of his chuckle felt deep in his chest. He shifted Sae just slightly, making them both more comfortable as they relaxed, enjoying just being together.
Because that was Sae’s favorite thing.
No rules. No expectations.
Just Ryusei, and the warmth of his skin under his hands, continuing the hard work of melting Sae’s cold little heart.
Maybe one day, Sae would tell him exactly how he felt.
But for now, just being like this was more than enough.