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Ride home was quiet.
Hanbin fell asleep the moment they got in the car. And since he sat in the middle, Gyuvin and Ricky couldn’t even speak, unless they’d like to wake up their exhausted senior. Being a leader was rough enough on him, he was kind enough to stay after hours and guest in Ricky’s birthday live.
It was supposed to be just Gyuvin and the birthday boy. But everyone else thought it’d be a bad idea, as rude as it sounds, they have a point. Hanbin was the only person who voluntarily offered himself to watch over the two. In a way, they’re indebted to him. Keeping quiet during the ride back is the least they can do.
Though Gyuvin’s leg is a bit out of control, bouncing up and down continuously, giddy . He’s had the same look in his eyes ever since the evening. Hazy, slightly glazed. Impatient. Ricky being the target for all the rush filled glances and stares he kept giving.
The car stopped, parking in front of their dorm building. And once again, Gyuvin gave Ricky another look. Just a quick glance Ricky couldn’t even respond to. Before waking his hyung up and forcibly guiding him inside, through the dark hallways and kitchen, finally parting ways after leaving him in front of Hao’s door.
“Would you like to shower first?”, Gyuvin spoke out, the first words to be exchanged between them as they dragged themselves to their room.
Ricky nodded silently, “If you don’t mind”
“Why would I mind?”, he scoffed, harsh fluorescent light greeted them as the door handle creaked. He must’ve forgotten to shut off the lights before they left.
Ricky just hummed, making his way in, his black tuxedo in his arm, Gyuvin didn’t even notice when exactly he took it off. But he paid no mind, offering to take care of it so the blonde can step into the shower right away. And he did, not immediately after the offer was given, but he still did. Hanging it up by their door, he could smell the faintly lingering musky scent when he gave the fabric a pat.
“It doesn’t suit him”, he snorted, “Musky, woody, that’s him , sure”
His tone was mocking, a slight hint of affection was present as well. Though it didn’t seem to be visible enough, judging by Ricky’s annoyed look despite being fresh out of the shower. He must’ve heard.
“Sorry for having preferences, I suppose”, leftover steam surrounds him. The collar of his black shirt hangs a little bit lower, showing the crook of his collarbone. Gyuvin gulped a little.
“Didn’t mean it that way”
“Sure you don’t.”
He let out a breathy laugh, making his way to the vanity on the corner of their room. Carefully patting
his damp hair with a small towel. Gyuvin only smiled, approaching the figure in front of the mirror.
It didn’t take long for his hands to find their way around the other’s waist. Fingers perfectly rested on the crook of the older’s hip. He dipped his nose deep into the space around the pale neck, inhaling the sweet fragrance of his freshly applied body wash, milk and honey. The one Gyuvin chose for him.
Ricky didn’t budge at all. Occupied with his hair, paying Gyuvin no mind. Which in Gyuvin’s eyes is considered as an okay sign. Lightly grazing his lips over the smooth surface. No kisses, he simply traced lines and lines with his lips. Stopping every once in a while to tighten his hold around the other’s waist, not letting him escape. Soon the grazes evolved into more. He began planting light kisses all over every spot he can get to. On every inch of skin he could. Starting from the neck, to his cheeks, and the corners of his lips. Not allowing any spot untouched, until he earned a low whine coming from the blonde’s unwilling lips. The acknowledgement he’s been waiting for.
“I missed you”
“You’re with me right now”
“I know, I still miss you”, Gyuvin whispered, leaving a kiss on the shell of his ear, “We couldn’t do this all day long”
His words sounded a bit heavy, maybe because they were. In an industry where you’re a public belonging , romance is certainly career risking to say the least. But those are out of their control, what’s in is keeping it as a secret between two and only two. Nobody else has to know about the way they hold each other in private anyways.
As long as they can keep it under the covers they can keep their strings connected. Every lie and fabricated stories they’ve been telling are all worth it for every single silent kiss they share behind closed doors.
“You locked me in a bathroom mid-shooting and kissed me three times today”, scoffing, Ricky put down his towel on the white table. Turning his waist around, eyes searching for Gyuvin’s. His fingers slowly reached out to the line of the younger’s jaw, cupping his face within his hands. Gyuvin didn’t say a word, he just looked back at his lover, eyes glassy and wanting.
“Isn’t it funny?”, Gyuvin mumbled, “If only they know”
“About what?”
“You”, his breath hitched, “About how you’re mine”
His thumb crept under the thin fabric, drawing circles on the boy’s hip. Fangs standby near the black ink on the older’s neck, barely grazing the flesh. Adrenaline rushed through him, he bites himself back, Ricky wouldn’t be pleased if he leaves traces.
Ricky breathed in, arms hanging on Gyuvin’s neck. “Seriously”, he muttered, “What is it, Gyuvin?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”, he teased, shuffling even closer towards Ricky’s lobe, “Your birthday present”
“I already know?”, he still has the stupid princess ring on, as stupid as it was he didn’t feel like taking it off. Gyuvin only snorted, stealing a glance of the hot pink gem on the taller’s pinky.
“That’s a fake one, of course!”, tone cheery, his hold around the smaller waist tightening with each kiss planted on Ricky’s face, “I’m talking about the real one”
“What is it? You?”
“Oh, you guessed one of them, I guess”, he chuckled softly. Pulling the other by the waist until they fall back first into his soft bed. Pinning him down to the white sheets while coloring his skin nonstop with kisses, too much he’s lost count, purposefully avoiding his lips so the other would have to pull on his shirt and beg him for it.
Ricky lightly chuckled between each kiss, breath interchanging from lips to lips, yet he’d still find the time for a few airy laughs. He’s always been like this, even during their very first kiss at the backyard of the boys planet dorm where cameras wouldn’t catch them. Or during their emotional make out session the night after the finals. It doesn’t matter how important the situation is, or how heavy the tension is. Being with Gyuvin alone makes him content enough.
Gyuvin found his way into the other’s mouth, taking every last strain of breath he had left within him. It’s as if weights on his shoulder have been lifted. Every ounce of feelings he’s been keeping hidden all this time, every bit of desire he’s been trying to tame. With each painful breath he took, he threw them all to the boy beneath him. And Ricky took him in.
The whole undercover thing is gradually driving both crazy. It’s hard to pretend and ignore and lie. Inventing subtle ways to touch each other without making it obvious wasn’t apart of their training. Yet there’s something about it, the adrenaline, the rush. Perhaps the excitement as well. With every second they have to wait, it gets better. The intense bursts of shameless desires and wants. The longer the wait the more addictive it becomes. It’s something that comes from their secret. And they know that.
A string of saliva connected between them as he pulled away, leaving the older’s face tinted in a dark shade of red. Gyuvin only scoffed when Ricky pulled on the hem of his sleeve again, breathless and desperate for more.
“I know you’re getting impatient—“, he whispered, rubbing his thumb over the swollen lips, reaching his limit as well, he managed to pull through somehow. “But let’s stop here”
Ricky frowned, unsatisfied. He was about to protest, thinking it’s some kind of sick play Gyuvin does sometimes, but Gyuvin’s smile didn’t waver. Ruffling the blonde locks, he pulled out something from his pocket.
“Because the main show… the killing part , is this”
A small, velvet black box, almost exactly like the one he received earlier. The silly one Gyuvin got him as a joke, and as an excuse to hold his hand during work.
“…If it’s another princess ring—“
“It is, actually”, Gyuvin snorted, the prideful grin on his face stayed. “Close your eyes”
Ricky shot him a doubtful look, but complied. Fluttering his lashes closed, unexpecting.
It was indeed another ring. silver as well, but no sparkly, eccentric, heart shaped hot pink gem on top. Instead its details are carved beautifully across the outsides, a stud of sparkling white diamond right in the middle where both ends of the silver bar meet. Simple, elegant, just like how Ricky likes it.
“May I?”
He couldn’t mutter out words, so he just nodded. But even without words Gyuvin could tell, Ricky’s eyes wide opened, glistening as a small smile formed on his face, they spoke more than words could ever.
Slipping the ring so gently on Ricky’s ring finger. Gyuvin’s touch on his fingers felt warm, and the silver against his skin was cold. It was perfect, that ring simply belonged there.
Leaving a lingering kiss on the finger, Gyuvin leaned in closer.
“Happy birthday, again”, his whisper was sweet, “我爱你, 我亲爱的 Ricky”
“Who taught you that”, Ricky’s scoff was short, his eyes still glued on the sparkly item on his finger. “What should I do with the princess ring then?”
“Keep both”, Gyuvin shrugged, throwing himself to the empty space on Ricky’s side. He took the slender hand, lifting it up above their faces, and pointed at both rings.
“Engagement ring”, he pointed at the pink gem, holding back a laughter. Then at the silver one, giving Ricky a deep gaze before he spoke, “Wedding ring. Hm?”
“Oh god”, he scoffed as a response, mild sarcasm in his tone, “Are you proposing? Seriously?”
Marriage sounds like something out of reach when they can’t even tell anyone about their relationship. But nothing is wrong with holding dreams.
“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not”, he chuckled, snuggling closer to Ricky’s neck. Breath getting heavier as he feels himself succumb to the warm comfort. “Would you like it if I do?”
“If you do it in chinese”, Ricky sniffed, “I would”
“I will ask Hao hyung to teach me then”
“Even though you could ask me as well?”, running his fingers through the brunette’s hair. Grinning when he heard a low chuckle from the younger.
“Gyuvin?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks, for the ring”, he smiled softly, eyes almost closing as he did. Lifting his hand up again, both stones glistened under the white light. “It’s pretty”
“I’m glad”, flashing back a genuine smile, the air around them feels light.
A closed space with only two of them, where they’re free to do and say anything, where affectionate chains of laughter can be exchanged anytime. Calling it a sanctuary wouldn’t be an overstatement. Ironic, because they both lived in much better places.
“And Gyuvin?”
“Hmn?”, his eyes are almost closed, getting drowsier with each passing second.
Ricky couldn’t hold back a smile, inching closer towards the sleepy boy, lightly pecking his lips on the younger’s forehead, and whispered right next to his ear.
“I love you as well”
As long as they get to be here. Hand in hand, next to each other, covered in sheets of pure white.
Keeping a secret will be as easy as lifting a finger.