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Lilith knew Camila was angry at her.
She left without a trace then she sided with Adriel, and they lost Ava coz of it, resulting in Bea leaving the Order. And who wouldn’t be mad at her after all she’s done? Lilith felt… irredeemable. There was no way Camila would forgive her, she thought, and what use is the forgiveness of the others if the woman she adored can’t? And so Lilith focused on one thing that mattered, and nothing really mattered but the Holy War. It mattered because she need to make sure Camila would survive. But every time she flies over to OCS HQ (coz she likes to check up on them if they’re preparing), she’d see Camila training recruits, and being ruthless, the way Lilith used to be on the woman, but then be an adorable cinnamon roll after that, helping the ones she just beat over the mat. She felt a sense of pride and amazement to see the woman she used to beat in training was already a formidable teacher. Every day, Lilith watched Camila. And she just wants to apologize. Make it right. Lilith doesn’t really care about the others. Camila’s forgiveness was all she wanted.
So one day, in the middle of the night, she teleports directly to Camila’s room, hoping to talk with her, but she comes face-to-face with an angry cinnamon roll with a divinium dagger in hand against her neck. Lilith didn’t teleport away, she let the blade cut her neck, she felt blood trickling down as her wings unfurled involuntarily.
Camila glared at her with unshed tears, “Give me one valid reason not to slit your throat right here, right now .”
Lilith, mustering up all the courage, knowing she might die that night, “I’m sorry. For everything.”
She fell on her knees, head bent down, neck exposed, while Camila looked down at her, blade on her hand. Slowly, she pointed it down at her neck and Lilith closed her eyes, waiting for the blade, believing she deserves whatever punishment Camila would give her.
Maybe she really was irredeemable.
Then she heard a clang beside her, the dagger near her knees.
Lilith, being all confused, would look up, and see a crying Camila, shaking. With anger or with sadness, she wasn’t sure.
For a while, they stayed like that.
Lilith, wings unfurled on her side, kneeling in front of Camila.
-----
Every night, Lilith would come to Camila’s room in the dark, only to be welcomed with a dagger on her face. But she would quickly teleport away from her reach.
Every night it was like that. Camila would attack her, throwing daggers at her, and yelling profanities in Spanish. The woman wouldn’t even let her speak.
“¡Sal de aquí, hijo de puta!” A dagger was thrown her way. She teleported a meter away, the blade missing her.
“Camila, wait...”
“¡Quédate jodidamente quieto!” Another dagger flew from Camila’s hand.
“Cam, let me explain,” she tried to reason.
“¡Toma tu maldita explicación y empuja donde el sol no brilla!” Another blade went close to her face. She teleported only a second late but she felt the divinium blade cutting her on her cheekbones.
And after some more, Lilith teleported away, leaving Camila alone in her room. Her heart feels more pain than the wounds the woman would give her.
It was a dance they did every night.
Little did she know, that every night after she left, Camila would sink to her knees, hands on her face as she cried for the woman she loves.
Camila wanted to forgive Lilith. But every time she sees her face, she would feel the pain of her leaving Camila all alone.
One night, when Lilith teleported to Camila’s room, there was no dagger thrown to her face. Fear crept into her veins. Did something happen? No, that’s impossible, she thought. She’s been watching over her from a distance, looking out for the woman that holds her heart. She would burn the world if something had happened to the woman. She trod lightly around the room, her wings out but tucked on her back.
“Camila?” she called.
And from the darkest part of the room, she saw a glint of light then she heard a whoosh before she felt it. A divinium arrow to her chest.
Then another one.
And then one more.
She stared down at three divinium arrows that pierced her chest, just over the heart.
Lilith looked up and saw Camila with her empty crossbow pointing at her, shaking with tears.
“Why do you keep coming back, Lilith?” Camila asked with a trembling voice. Lilith breathed heavily, blood gushing from her chest.
“For your forgiveness,” she answered, “And your daggers and arrows are my penance.”
She didn’t understand what happened next, but darkness consumed her with two dark orbs staring at her.
-----
Lilith slowly opened her eyes. For a moment, there was only darkness. Was she on the other side again?
No. She isn’t. The other side doesn’t have a bed, small it may be. They don’t have beds. She looked down at her chest, arrows gone, replaced with a carefully wrapped bandage. She smiled to herself, thinking that Camila took care of her after the woman shot her with divinium. But of course, she doesn’t need it. Scales would just cover her wounds. Something that would always remind her that she was not the Lilith she was once.
That she was neither a human nor a Tarask. She was something in between.
A monster. A voice whispered in her head. She shook her head.
Her eyes adjusted and saw Camila sleeping on a chair, her head on the bed and using her arm as a support. Her face was in a deep furrow, her thick brows creased.
She was about to reach out, to brush her hand over her black, curly hair that Lilith adored. But she stopped herself, her hand hovering over her head, terrified of how Camila would react this time. Would the woman cut her hand with a divinium blade? It’s highly possible.
Camila woke up before she could take her hand back, stirring under her palm, strands of her hair tickling her gently. Their eyes met and everything seemed to fade. All Lilith can see was Camila’s dark eyes.
The anger.
The pain.
The longing.
That’s when Lilith realized that all she needed in this life was Camila’s forgiveness. And if she can’t, she’ll try again in the next.
She was about to speak when the woman stood up, turning her back on her.
“Leave, Lilith. Please, stop coming back,” Camila pleads, her voice breaking, “I can’t keep hurting you like this anymore. Just… go and never come back.”
She sat up from the bed, her feet hitting the cold, hard floor.
“I will always come back, Camila. I will always come back to you,” she answered, her voice barely above a whisper.
“I guess I’ll just have to kill you, then,” Camila whispered. Lilith can’t see her face but she can tell by her shaking shoulders that she was crying.
Her eyes wandered across the room and saw the crossbow and divinium arrows that the woman shot her with. She walked up from the bed, took them, and stood behind Camila. Lilith took one of her shoulders, forcing the woman to face her. Then she shoved the weapon and arrows in Camila’s hands as she knelt yet again in front of her.
“If you killing me would mean your forgiveness, then I welcome death with open arms,” she said, unfurling her wings and her arms stretched open as if accepting a hug, “but this time, aim at my head.”
She watched as the woman’s breathing hitched as she loaded the arrow into her crossbow with tears running down her angelic face.
Lilith took a deep breath and closed her eyes as Camila aimed her weapon at her head, the tip laced with divinium touching her forehead, the metal cold against her skin.
She waited for Camila’s forgiveness.
Camila aimed. Lilith closed her eyes, surrendering her fate at the hands of her love.
She heard the trigger being pulled. Lilith prepared herself for the pain. But nothing came.
She opened her eyes and saw the crossbow inches away from her forehead, empty. Tears kept falling from Camila’s eyes, her hands trembled as she dropped the weapon.
“Please, please, please, Lilith,” she cried, “Just go.”
Lilith’s heart went with Camila’s as her body shook from crying.
“I’ll leave now, but I will keep coming back,” she whispered. “I will never leave you, not again.”
“I don’t want to hurt you anymore. And I can’t kill you.”
Lilith remained on her knees as she looked up at Camila.
Her face always reminded her of an angel. Unlike the one who manipulated her. The one who used her weakness to turn her against her sisters.
Against the woman she loves.
No, Camila was too far from that. Especially with the light shining from the window over her head.
She truly is divine.
Lilith lost her faith after she died and was brought back to life. A god used her for her own gain. An angel exploited her need for acceptance, making her betray her Order.
Betraying her.
The words that came out of her lips came unbidden.
“Forgive me, Camila, for I have sinned,” she whispered with her hands clasped together, her gaze cast down on the floor. “I have done… so many things. I did so many transgressions I lost count,” she said in a voice she didn’t even recognize. Lilith looked up and met Camila’s eyes. “But the worst of all was leaving you. Forgive me, for the monster I have become,” she pleaded, praying to the woman in front of her.
She didn’t realize she was crying until she felt Camila’s hand reach to her face, tilting her head up, wiping the tears away.
“You’re not a monster, Lilith,” she gently caressed her face, her thumb stroking the scales over it.
“Forgive me,” she said the same way she used to pray.
Camila, never taking her hands from her face, knelt in front of her.
“I have long forgiven you the moment you came back to me,” she whispered as she leaned forward and kissed her forehead. She clung to the woman’s habit, crying, as she stroke Lilith’s hair while repeating the words, “I forgive you,” over and over again.
On that night, Camila answered Lilith’s prayer.