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Crestwood has officially reached the top of Cullen’s list of least favorite places. Sure, Kinloch Hold had been unpleasant during the Blight, and Kirkwall was no walk in the park after Meredith lost it, but neither could compare to the sheer unpleasantness that was Crestwood.
The mission had been simple enough. Clear Red Templars from the area and establish Inquisition camps to keep them out and protect the locals. Inquisitor Evelyn Trevelyan and her friends had willingly accepted the task and Cullen had accompanied them, in hopes of destroying a source or supply of red lyrium. And the mission had been simple, for a time; the first three Red Templar outposts were easily destroyed with a few spells from Evelyn and even fewer sword strokes from Cullen. Iron Bull had even begun to complain that it was all too easy and there was no fun in battle if there wasn’t even a real fight.
The Qunari had gotten his fight at the final Red Templar camp. Their fellows had warned them of the Inquisition’s imminent arrival; Evelyn’s party had barely turned the corner when they were assaulted by archers and small trebuchets. The group had been forced to fight their way into a keep on the mountainside and had barely been able to keep their position while the remainder of the Inquisition forces rushed to their aid. When it was all over, Evelyn and her friends essentially collapsed in a heap and began to patch each other up. Cullen sat heavily on a box next to them and began to slowly and carefully remove his armor. He’d been fairly certain his shoulder was injured before he’d started tugging at the straps and buckles, and all the movement only reassured him that his assessment was correct. His grimace must have been frightening because Dorian tapped him lightly on the wrist to get his attention.
“Do you want some help?” the mage asked kindly.
“It would be appreciated,” Cullen admitted, dropping his hands into his lap. The Tevinter mage helped him get the armor off his injured shoulder so that it could be healed. Cullen watched Evelyn moving around to first her friends, then the rest of the soldiers, asking if anyone needed immediate healing and blatantly ignoring the trickle of blood running down the side of her face. Bull gave him a respectful nod as he walked by, not a single visible injury on him. Varric sat beside him, cleaning Bianca and chattering incessantly in a very successful attempt to distract Cullen from the pain of Dorian putting his shoulder back together.
When everyone had been healed enough to function with some sense of normalcy, the soldiers began to pitch tents and collapse inside them, exhausted from the brutality of the fight. Cullen moved through the ranks, checking on his men and making sure to thank and congratulate them. Keeping up morale was one of Cullen’s top priorities, whether he was in the field or back at Skyhold, and he wasn’t about to let that slip because of one wrenched shoulder.
Once he’d seen to his troops, the Commander retrieved his own tent and bedroll and surveyed the courtyard they’d set up in for an open spot. The only clearly visible one was the area where Evelyn and her friends had set up; it seemed that no one was bold enough to pitch a tent within fifteen feet of the Inquisitor or her friends. He, however, had no such qualms, and was happy to drag himself over towards the leader of the Inquisition.
When he got there, Cullen was amused to find that none of them had bothered with tents at all. Varric, Dorian, and Evelyn had neatly laid out their bedrolls on the ground and spread their tents between nearby pillars to make a sort of lean-to that would protect them from any rain that may wash through during the night. Bull, it seemed, had just thrown himself down in the corner with a blanket and pillow and was already snoring. Varric was out when Cullen approached, but Evelyn and Dorian were still up, hands glowing blue with healing magic as they carefully healed each other’s cuts and bruises. Evelyn’s back was to him, but Dorian smiled welcomingly at his approach, leading Evelyn to turn to face him. Cullen held up his pack in explanation.
“Mind if I join you?”
“Please do,” Evelyn offered, sweeping her hand to indicate her half-asleep, battered party. “As you can see, we’re the most fun, lively bunch in camp tonight.”
Dorian and Cullen both snorted with laughter as Cullen stepped over Varric to lay out his bedroll behind Evelyn’s. After a moment’s deliberation, he placed his head by hers, not wanting to subject her to the smell of his unwashed feet. He fell asleep to the soft sounds of Dorian and Evelyn discussing how best to deal with injuries the next morning.
Bright sunlight was what woke Cullen the next morning, and he let out a groan of complaint as he tried to pull the blanket over his head and go back to sleep. A snort of laughter made him poke out of the blanket just enough to see who was so amused. Squinting into the sunlight, Cullen saw Evelyn sitting cross-legged on her bedroll, half a loaf of bread in one hand and a bowl in the other.
“I wasn’t expecting the fearsome Commander to be the most reluctant to wake,” she teased lightly as he pushed the blanket off and sat up slowly, rubbing his face.
“Sorry,” he mumbled, voice still low and rough from sleep. “What have I missed?”
“Nothing,” Evelyn replied, ripping off a chunk of bread and offering it to him. “Well, you missed breakfast, but I got more than enough so you’re welcome to have some of mine.”
Cullen took the bread with a nod of thanks and the two ate in companionable silence. Dorian and Varric joined them a few moments later, but said nothing beyond a friendly greeting. Evelyn’s bowl turned out to contain eggs, and she willingly passed it back and forth to Cullen so they could take turns scooping out egg with their bread. Cullen reminded them that they needed to return to Skyhold to report to Cassandra, Josephine, and Leliana, and to go over any and all written information they had found in Red Templar bases. The group agreed they would leave as soon as they had finished all their other duties.
Once breakfast was over, Evelyn and Dorian excused themselves to go check on the troops for serious injuries they hadn’t been able to take care of the night before. Varric let out a sigh and pulled a few wrinkled pieces of paper out of his jacket. He attempted to flatten them before offering them to Cullen, who raised his eyebrows skeptically.
“Touched as I am Varric, I don’t think I’m the best choice to be proofreading your next chapter,” Cullen said, a smirk tugging at his mouth. Varric let out an irritated huff and shook the papers at him.
“They’re reports Blondie, of the equipment and at least some of the men we lost yesterday. The original instructions were to give it to the Inquisitor, but I figured you were more suited to the task.”
Cullen’s face sobered immediately as he took the reports from Varric’s outstretched hand with a word of thanks. He skimmed over them quickly as Varric sipped at a mug of… something beside him. Fortunately, they’d lost few men, and it seemed they were lacking only bandages and extra socks. Towards the end of the list, Cullen noted something that made him frown in confusion.
“Varric,” he started, and waited for an answering grunt before continuing. “What exactly is ‘Barnard’? I know it’s not one of the men – have you encouraged your friends to name their weapons as well?”
At the mention of Barnard, Varric looked over, alarm written on his face. He took the paper out of Cullen’s hands, ignoring the Commander’s protest, and examined it for himself. When he saw that Barnard was an item on the list, he rubbed one hand over his face while the other offered the papers back to Cullen.
“This is not good,” the dwarf stated, taking another deep swig of his drink.
“Varric, who or what is Barnard?” Cullen pressed.
“Barnard is – well, was, I suppose – the Inquisitor’s horse. And, Maker help us, I’ve never seen her love anything as much as she loved that damn horse,” Varric explained. Cullen stared at him in momentary disbelief, and was about to respond when a cheerful voice interrupted them.
“Just because you can’t stand the thought of a pet doesn’t mean the rest of us feel the same Varric,” Evelyn teased as she flopped down on her bedroll beside Cullen.
“Dorian’s trying to find Bull,” she informed them. “Apparently, he told the guard he was going for a walk and hasn’t been seen since. Dorian seemed quite determined to find him.”
There was a moment of uncomfortable silence where Varric and Cullen exchanged a glance. Evelyn caught it and raised her eyebrows at them.
“And before you go trying to enlighten me, yes, I am aware they’re sleeping together. That was my attempt at politely warning you to stay here. Next time I’ll be more direct,” she said with a roll of her eyes. Cullen’s face reddened at her blunt remarks, but Varric just laughed heartily.
“You know, with all the death and destruction you bring, sometimes I forget you have a sense of humor Inquisitor,” Varric said, a huge grin still on his face. Evelyn grinned back, lounging against the support pillar behind her.
“I do try Varric, I’m glad you appreciate it. Now, what were you saying about me and my horse when I got here?”
“Er, yes, well, I may have some bad news about that,” Cullen admitted, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. Evelyn turned her gaze on him, confusion written in the pinch of her brow and the downward curl of her mouth. He took a deep breath and continued.
“Well, it would seem that your horse, er, excuse me, Barnard, was injured yesterday and, unfortunately… didn’t make it.”
Evelyn fell silent, looking down into her lap. Her breathing didn’t change, she didn’t burst into tears or start screaming, she just sat and stared into her lap for several very long minutes. Cullen looked nervously at Varric, but he was watching the Inquisitor carefully, his mug set aside for the moment.
“Ev? You okay?” the dwarf asked kindly, leaning towards her slightly. Cullen was surprised by the nickname; as far as he’d known, no one used a nickname for the Inquisitor. Evelyn nodded slowly, and gave a quiet sniffle.
“Yeah, I’m all right. I suppose I’ll need to get another one for the ride back then?”
“Master Dennet didn’t send any extras with us,” Cullen said apologetically. “Either someone will have to stay here while they wait for him to send one, or we’ll have to share.” Evelyn glanced up at him, expression fierce and determined.
“If you think I’m leaving any of my friends here you’re quite wrong,” she snapped. Cullen raised his hands in a gesture of peace and leaned back to rest against a box behind him.
“Relax, Inquisitor, if you don’t want to do it, we won’t. It’s as simple as that.”
Evelyn nodded sharply before standing and beginning to pack up her bedroll. Varric and Cullen followed suit, quietly dismantling their lean-to and replacing the equipment inside the bags. Dorian and Bull returned midway through the packing looking very pleased with themselves; Evelyn threw a bedroll at Dorian’s head in response.
Once everything had been packed, Bull and Dorian were told what had happened to poor Barnard. Bull immediately insisted on reciting the Bull’s Charger’s lament for the dead in honor of the horse; this turned out to be several minutes of the five of them desperately trying to think of achievements they could pin on the horse before Bull finally cut them off and said something to the effect of ‘rest in peace’ while everyone else moved to pick up bags. They moved to pack up the four remaining horses, diving Evelyn’s possessions among them to avoid overburdening any one horse. They all mounted, leaving Evelyn standing off to the side, looking uncomfortable. Dorian tugged at his horse’s reins to trot up beside her, dramatically offering her a hand.
“My lady, would you do the honor of accompanying me?” he asked in an over-the-top tone, complete with a sweeping bow. Evelyn burst out laughing and accepted the hand, pulling herself into the saddle behind him. On the way out, they paused so Cullen could give the guard final instructions while Scout Harding handed Evelyn a series of reports to bring back to Leliana and Josephine. When Cullen was finished, the group set out at a brisk walk; Dorian insisted they not go any faster, for fear of exhausting his horse too quickly.
The ride back to Skyhold was a three-day journey, and Cullen had been careful to mark locations for them to camp along the way. It was also established that whenever they stopped to eat, drink, or for any other reason, Evelyn would change horses. An order for this was quickly established; Dorian, Bull, Varric, and finally Cullen. She rode behind Varric and Dorian, so that they two of them would be able to see well enough to steer their horses without risk of crashing. Bull and Cullen were big enough that she could sit in front of them; she insisted that she wanted to see where they were going, but Cullen suspected she just enjoyed having a backrest.
The first day passed without event. They rode in silence for much of the time, occasionally chatting about the local people or wildlife. Bull had a few stories from his time as a Charger that he recited with great gusto; Varric offered a few tales of his time with Hawke in return. They made camp under tall, gnarled trees that made Cullen look over his shoulder a bit more than usual. Evelyn caught him once, and instead of laughing at him, just smiled and rested her hand gently on the nearest trunk.
“They’re a bit scary-looking aren’t they? But quite harmless once you get close to them, I can assure you. Rather like someone else I know,” she said with a smirk, eyes flicking over to him. Cullen frowned at her playfully.
“I will have you know that I am the scariest man from here to Antiva,” he informed her in the haughtiest tone he could muster. He felt a bit foolish, teasing her in return, but then Evelyn laughed delightedly and he wasn’t so embarrassed anymore.
“What are you doing to the poor trees?” Dorian called out from where he was setting up his tent. “These wouldn’t hurt a fly you know!”
“Yes, I know, and I was just making sure our dear Commander knew as well,” Evelyn called back, though her gaze didn’t waver from Cullen’s face.
That night, Cullen slept peacefully and dreamt of tree branches closing over his head in a protective embrace. He awoke well-rested and with an uncomfortable twinge in his back that told him he’d spent the night above a stick. He emerged from his tent once dressed, and sat for breakfast with everyone else. They ate quickly and efficiently, too tired for much conversation. In fact, they didn’t talk at all until Evelyn managed to collapse her tent on herself while taking it down. Her panicked yelp had them all drawing their weapons before stopping to stare in bewilderment at the wiggling lump of tent. Varric, Dorian, and Bull immediately burst out laughing, all three doubling over and holding onto the nearest object for support while Cullen went to help her out, also laughing but not quite so loudly. He pulled her out of the fabric and poles, grinning the whole time as she blushed fiercely and thanked him quietly. He helped her put her things away as well, rolling up the tent fabric while she shoved the poles roughly in her bag.
“I have to ask – what happened?” Bull queried once he’d stopped laughing. Evelyn shrugged, a blush still dusting her face.
“I guess I just didn’t get enough sleep last night,” she muttered, taking the rolled-up tent from Cullen and shoving that in her bag too. Cullen frowned, a bit worried that the Inquisitor was being run ragged, but remained quiet in favor of beginning to load bags on his horse. After a few moments, Evelyn joined him with what was apparently the last of her packs, as she tied them on with his and then stepped back to let him mount up. She’d finished yesterday with Bull; the two had harassed each other back and forth for the better part of an hour. The only reason Cullen hadn’t insisted they stop was that Evelyn looked more relaxed than he’d seen in weeks.
He pulled himself up into the saddle in a single smooth motion and carefully settled himself towards the back before offering a hand to the Inquisitor. She took it, and used it to pull herself into the saddle. For a moment, she teetered back and forth, and Cullen thought she might slide right off the other side. He immediately grabbed her by the waist, holding her as she grabbed the saddle horn in front of her and steadied herself. When she was stable, he released her and picked up the reins instead.
“Doing alright there Inquisitor?” he asked lightly as he followed the other three horses out of camp. Evelyn shook her head slightly, rubbing at her forehead with one hand.
“Sorry, I’m just really, really tired,” she admitted. “I didn’t sleep well last night.”
“Well, I have good news for you,” Cullen said as they turned onto the main road. “You’re not the one steering this horse, so you can go ahead and sleep.”
“Sure, and fall off as soon as we hit a bump, no thanks,” Evelyn replied sarcastically. Cullen shifted the reins into one hand and rested the other on her waist.
“I won’t let you fall,” he said simply before returning his hand to the reins. Evelyn didn’t reply, just leaned back against him slightly as she’d done the day before.
Nearly an hour later, Evelyn had hardly moved in the past few minutes, so Cullen took advantage of a flat section to look down at her. His face softened into a smile when he saw that she was fast asleep, her head resting forward on her chest. She had leaned away from him slightly and was swaying dangerously with the horse’s movements, so he moved the reins back into one hand and carefully pulled her back to lay against him with the other. He wrapped his free hand around her stomach when she was settled back against him, holding her steady as the horse swayed with each step. She was warm and solid against him, and Cullen couldn’t help gently rubbing his thumb against her stomach in small, soothing circles.
Varric noticed far too soon for Cullen’s liking. He’d barely held Evelyn five minutes when the dwarf turned to check on the slowest member of the party. His face split into an enormous grin at the sight of them and he immediately moved over to tap Dorian on the arm. Dorian got Bull’s attention, and the three of them slowed their horses so that they could trot alongside Cullen instead of leading him. He glared around at them all.
“If you wake her up you are dead to me,” he threatened. Varric snorted.
“Don’t worry Blondie, we all want a well-rested Inquisitor as much as you do. Just wanted to mention that you two look awful comfy on that horse,” the dwarf said with a shit-eating grain. Cullen glared at him as fiercely as he could manage while keeping himself and Evelyn steady. Bull shook his head with a huge grin on his face.
“Don’t worry Commander, we’ll let her sleep. But you’re stuck with her until she wakes up.”
As it turned out, Evelyn slept almost the entire day. The group ate lunch on horseback to avoid disturbing their still-sleeping leader. Cullen didn’t mind in the slightest; in fact, he found it almost soothing to cradle her gently and keep her still and safe as his horse picked its way along the smoothest path. Dorian, Varric, and Bull rode ahead of him, scanning to make sure the path was clear of enemies, and anything else that might be a danger or disturbance to Evelyn.
It was nearly sundown when she stirred slightly in Cullen’s arms, grumbling a little and pushing her face into his shoulder. Cullen glanced down at her, a grin curling the corners of his mouth as her eyes blinked open with slow confusion. She shifted up slowly, and Cullen had to tilt his chin up to avoid being headbutted. She patted the arm around her with sleepy confusion before twisting to look up at him as the horse slowed to a gentle stop.
“Good morning,” he said gently, the grin never leaving his face. “Though I suppose it’s good evening, by now.” Evelyn looked around in bewilderment at his statement.
“How long was I asleep?” she croaked out, her voice dry and raspy from sleeping so long.
“Nearly all day,” Cullen said honestly, pulling a waterskin out of his bags and offering it to her. She took it gratefully and swallowed several huge draughts before speaking again.
“Why didn’t you wake me? I can’t imagine it was comfortable riding with me all day,” she asked, confusion knotting her brow. Cullen shrugged in response.
“The four of us agreed that it was more important that you get your sleep,” he explained. “An exhausted Inquisitor won’t do anybody any good. Especially if you hurt yourself.”
“Thank you,” Evelyn said quietly, capping the waterskin and tying it up where she’d seen him pull it from. “I suppose we’re stopping to make camp soon?”
“Yes, the other three are looking for a spot now,” Cullen told her, nudging his horse forward again.
“I’ll take the first watch,” Evelyn said, trailing off with a huge yawn. “I’ve been sleeping all day, it’s only fair.”
“From the sound of that yawn, you need quite a bit more sleep my friend,” Cullen said gently, raising a hand to wave to Bull, standing a short ways up the path.
“Cullen, I can’t just lay around sleeping all day,” she argued, crossing her arms in irritation, though she still leaned back against his chest.
“Sure you can,” he said easily. “We’re just travelling now. There are no big Inquisition duties to attend to out here. Actually, this is probably the best time for you to catch up on your sleep; none of your incredibly pushy advisors will try to wake you up.” Evelyn twisted her head to look at him, catching sight of his half grin as they turned off the road into a small clearing.
“You can stop fishing for compliments, you won’t be getting any from me,” she teased, pulling a laugh from Cullen as he tugged the horse to a stop beside the others.
The two dismounted and pulled their bags off the horses, dragging everything to the center where Varric and Dorian had already begun setting up their tents as Bull tried to get a fire going. Evelyn moved to start on her tent, but Varric waved her off.
“Sparky and I can take care of this,” he assured her. “Why don’t you and Blondie try and gather up some firewood?”
Cullen shot the dwarf an irritated look as Evelyn picked up her staff and waited for him to join her. Varric just gave a huge, innocent grin as he began to set up Evelyn’s tent for her. Cullen let out a huff and turned to follow Evelyn into the woods.
They walked in silence for a while, picking up a stick here, a branch there and occasionally bumping arms when they drifted too close to each other. Eventually, Cullen felt the need to break the silence.
“So, are you going to try and stay up for a watch, or are you going to let me order you to sleep?” he asked, only half teasing. Evelyn giggled and shot him a look out of the corner of her eye before leaning down to pick up another stick.
“That sounded like a pretty weak order to me, Commander,” she teased, pausing to adjust her grip on the pile of wood she’d collected. “But, in all honesty, I’d rather stay up for the watch.”
“You’re telling me you want to be sleep-deprived,” Cullen said skeptically. “No offense, but I don’t believe that for a second. Sleep deprivation is not a pleasant feeling.”
Evelyn sighed quietly and didn’t answer immediately. Instead, she looked around for more wood, carefully avoiding his eye as she grabbed a stick here or there. Finally, when her arms were full she looked him in the eye.
“I haven’t sleep well in ages. I keep dreaming about it – escaping the Fade, trying to close the rift the first time, Corypheus destroying Haven, all of it, just playing on repeat in my brain all night. The only time it doesn’t is if I run myself into the ground first,” she admitted quietly, breaking eye contact at the end to look at her feet. Cullen could see that she was trembling slightly, her hands shaking as she tried to keep ahold of her wood. He frowned, not entirely sure how to make her feel better.
“You don’t feel safe, going to sleep,” he stated, trying to make it sound like a question. When she nodded slightly, he continued.
“Well then, all you need is someone to keep you safe,” he reasoned. “And, as it happens, I’m quite available for the job.” Evelyn looked up at him, confusion written all over her face.
“They’re dreams Cullen. You can’t keep me safe from dreams without making me Tranquil, and no one is going to be doing that thank you very much,” she snapped, shoulders tensing in anger.
“That’s not what I meant,” he said patiently. “I meant – look, I kept you safe today, didn’t I? I told you I’d keep you safe from falling off the horse and I did.” Again, he waited for Evelyn to nod in confirmation before continuing.
“So, just like that, I’ll keep you safe. I might not be able to make the dreams stop, but at the very least, I can be there if they wake you up. You’re not the only one with some bad memories – I’ll help you deal with them, if you want,” he offered, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. Evelyn blinked, quiet for a moment.
“Thank you,” she said suddenly, softly. “I’ll try and sleep and if it goes badly, well, now I know where to go.”
After dinner, Cullen took the first watch. The forest was totally silent for the entirety of shift, and he was glad to wake up Varric and crawl into his tent. He stripped out of his armor with the efficiency of long practice and slid into his bedroll. He was asleep before he’d even laid down.
Cullen had no idea how long he’d been asleep when he was jolted into wakefulness by shaking hands. He sat up immediately, fumbling for his sword as he tried to blink the sleep from his eyes. He stopped looking for his sword when he finally saw who was waking him.
Evelyn was kneeling beside the bed, trembling slightly as she wrung her hands in her lap. Her breath was coming in short, panicked pants, and he could see the fear flickering in her gaze. Cullen sat up fully, then opened his arms as an invitation. He distinctly remembered wanting to be sheltered from everything when he’d woken up in a panic, and hoped the feeling wasn’t unique to him. Evelyn’s gaze flicked between his arms and his face for a moment before she shot forward into his arms, burying her face in his neck and curling into a ball in his lap. Cullen wrapped his arms tightly around her, doing his best to ground her with his presence.
Now that he was holding her, he could feel how her whole body was shaking violently, uncontrollably. He could also hear her tiny sniffles, and had to resist the urge to pull back and wipe away whatever tears were on her face. Instead, he rocked her back and forth slightly, resting his chin on her head to make her feel as surrounded as possible. Eventually, her sniffles quieted and the trembles stopped, but Evelyn made no move to leave, so Cullen made no move to release her. He just continued to rock back and forth, one hand rubbing soothing circles on her back to encourage her to stay calm and present. Eventually, she spoke in a meek, embarrassed voice.
“Thank you,” she said, and the tremble from her body had apparently migrated to her voice. “I’m sorry, the dream was just so bad and I didn’t know what to do but you said I could come, so -”
“There’s nothing to apologize for,” he interrupted her gently. “I’m happy to help. Maker knows, there were nights I could have used this; I’m glad I can give it to you.” He felt Evelyn nod against his neck and let silence fall for a few minutes before continuing.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked gently.
“No,” Evelyn said with a sharp firmness that left no doubt in Cullen’s mind that she wasn’t ready for that conversation.
“Okay,” he agreed willingly. “Do you want me to walk you back over to your tent or do you want to stay?” At this, she twisted out of his arms to look at him in surprise.
“I can stay?”
“Of course, if you need to.”
“Yes, I… thank you,” she said after another moment’s pause. Cullen just smiled and lifted the blanket of his bedroll so she could slide in. He followed her, wrapping himself around her from behind so she wouldn’t loose the feeling of safety. He felt her relax as his arms came around her again, and resisted the urge to kiss the back of her neck. Instead he let himself relax and drift back into sleep.
“Goodnight Evelyn,” he murmured as he drifted off.
He thought he heard a faint ‘goodnight Cullen’ in reply.