Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter 1

It had been completely random how the two of them became friends. Denji had seen Yoshida before, but to him he was just the emo boy who sat all by himself on a corner of the classroom listening to music on his headphones all day. But then in one Thursday, during chemistry class, they were put together as a pair on an assignment. It was a very boring assignment, and Denji already didn’t care much about chemistry, like at all. So, he had planned to do his part half-assed and hope that his project partner’s would be good enough to make up for it (and even if Denji tried it the result wouldn’t be good either way, so why try at all?).

But Yoshida had other plans.

For someone so quiet he showed to be relentless when he wanted. When Yoshida had learned that Denji’s plan was to “google it and wing it” he had not been pleased. Yoshida had demanded that they make an actual project plan and divide the tasks accordingly, and he had even tracked Denji down after class so that they could do the project together, which would forever earn Yoshida the nickname “Stalker”.

Denji had expected an excruciating afternoon, of reading boring books and writing boring sentences. But in the end, he and Yoshida actually got along pretty well, all things considered. Yoshida wasn’t impatient or condescending with Denji’s difficulty on the subject, and even helped him, explaining the chemistry stuff wayyyy better than their teacher. And they actually did some progress on the project, which for Denji – who generally partnered with his sister on things like these – was an absolutely novelty. And when it had become clear that Denji’s brain had reached its studying limit Yoshida had asked him if he wanted a break, and Denji had happily agreed.

They had gone to a coffee shop close to the school’s grounds, a place that Denji was well familiar with, he often went there with his friends – though, with Power and Beam’s usual yelling he was surprised they haven’t been banned yet due to the noise complain.

Denji had cake and a latte with loads of sugar. He was not surprised when Yoshida only bought a cup of black coffee. They seated on a bench outside the coffee place while they ate. It was a chilly afternoon, and Denji was surprised at how fast time had passed while they worked on the assignment.

He watched the people passing through the streets for a time until his gaze settled on Yoshida. He was wearing a black tank top with a picture of a punk-rock Cthulhu, a leather jacket, ripped jeans, spike bracelets, black earrings, heavy eyeliner, and a guitar pick hanged from a cord of his neck. Yoshida was cool . He was so cool and mysterious it made Denji – who wore a wrinkled school uniform, with his faded dyed hair and eyes heavy with eyebags, and the concerningly large number of band-aids across his body due to skateboarding injuries – most of them dinosaur themed because Nayuta thought that they worked better than the normal ones – feeling extremely self-conscious and awkward.

Which was really weird. Denji wasn’t someone that cared a lot for his appearance. Like at all.

Denji fidgeted his feet. Talking to Yoshida before had been easy because they were doing the stupid chemistry project together, but now? Denji’s brain was blank, he could not think about anything to talk about. Fortunately, Yoshida rescued him by breaking the ice first.

“So, do you like any movies?” Yoshida asked.

“Oh, yeah! Totally.” Denji said “The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Sharknado, Evil Dead…” He had inherited Aki’s love for movies, his older brother used to watch marathon after marathon, from old movies to modern blockbusters to indie projects, and Denji and Power had been happy to tag along (even if Power usually bailed as soon the popcorn ran out). Though, it had been a while since they had had a movie night together, what, with Aki having to deal with college all the time.

“Wow. A very gory list. Cool.” Yoshida said, with a smirk. Yep, he was definitely the coolest guy Denji had ever met. Most people he knew didn’t really liked movies or videogames with gore and were generally grossed out when he tried to talk about his favorite media (*cough* Asa *cough*). Blood on movies was always fake and exaggerated, so it never really bothered him. Maybe all those skateboard accidents might have immunized Denji to it – with the amount the times he or Power had broken something it was no wonder Aki had gone to become a medicine student!

“What about you?” Denji asked, legitimately curious.

“Hmm… Coraline, Scott Pilgrim vs the World, Fight Club, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood...” Yoshida said, after thinking for a moment.

“Oh! Scott Pilgrim! I love that movie!” Denji said. They talked about their favorite’s scenes of the movie, which led to the best songs which then led to them talking about their favorite songs and bands. Denji felt strangely validated by Yoshida’s approval of his music taste (Power was always complaining that he only listened to “sad boy music”, to which he always replied that she only listened to “Tik-Tok trash”, and then they would end up fighting until Aki had to separate them).

And he found that he was actually looking forward in listening to Yoshida’s recommendations, even the stuff that really wasn’t his usual style.

They talked for a long time, until Yoshida picked up his phone and said “Ah, shit. Look at the time. I have to go.”

Denji felt a stab of disappointment. And anxiety. Yoshida was so cool and smart, the only reason he was hanging with someone like Denji was because he had been forced to do a chemistry project with him. Denji doubted Yoshida would ever talk to him again after they finished the stupid assignment.

“Yeah, me too.” Denji said, trying to appear nonchalant. They both got up from the bench. It was now the ending of the day, and the sun was slowly approaching the horizon, casting everything in a warm orange light.

“See ya later, alligator.” Denji said, and immediately cursed Aki for this lame goodbye. Now Yoshida would definitely never want to talk to him again. Ever again.

But Yoshida smiled – actually smiled – and said “Bye, Denji.”

And then he walked away, and after but a moment, Denji went the opposite way.

Chapter Text

Chapter 2

It was never quiet in the Hayakawa’s home. Denji could hear loud music coming from the apartment’s door as soon as he walked to the corridor. He opened the door and the moment he entered the apartment he got hit by an avalanche of dogs, all of them happily barking, and he was almost knocked down by them.

“Yeah, yeah, I missed you guys two!” Denji laughed as he hugged and petted his welcoming party. On the rest of the living room Power was standing on the sofa, playing a very loud videogame with the volume on max. Nayuta was laying on the floor, doodling something in a notebook, completely immune to the ear-piercing sounds coming from the TV and the even louder yelling from Power, who was jumping hazardously on the sofa while she screamed and swore every time she got killed. Honestly, if all of their neighbors weren’t terrified of Kishibe they probably would have been kicked out for noise complaint a long while ago.

After a moment all the dogs got enough hugs and spread out through the living room, all except Pochita. Different from the others he was a small dog – a tiny pup, a little guy you might say. And while the others were Kishibe’s, Denji had known Pochita from way before becoming a Hayakawa. Pochita stayed by his side and put his front paws on his leg. “What is it, boy? Do you want me to carry you?” Denji asked, petting his head affectionately. Pochita barked happily in agreement and Denji picked him up. He was amazed by how small Pochita had become, now he could carry him with no problems, barely feeling his weigh.

Carrying Pochita gently, Denji walked to his sisters. He was very careful to avoid the danger-zone that was the sofa – Power had the habit of kicking anything that moved when she was like that. “Hey guys, everything’s okay?” Denji asked, as he seated near Nayuta, still holding Pochita.

“ARGH! FEEL MY RAGE YOU PUNY MORTALS!!!” Power yelled at the TV. A quick glance told Denji that his sister was playing Overwatch, a game that really, really brought the worst of Power’s competitive side. She was furiously smashing the buttons, and at that rate she would break the controller (again). Denji decided that talking with Power wouldn’t be possible now and set his sister’s yelling as background noise (an ability that every member of the family had to develop to maintain their sanity).

He turned to his younger sister, who was drawing what appeared to be dinosaurs fighting… Spiderman? Well, she was better at drawing than Denji anyways. “How was school?” he asked her.
“It was okay. We learned about plants.” Nayuta answered, without stopping drawing or looking at him.

“Ah cool. Plants. They’re very… green.” Denji said.

“You’re arrived late.” Nayuta said, she stopped drawing and got up from the floor, with a look of suspicion on her eyes.

“W- I was at school. Studying for my chemistry assignment.” Denji said. “I told Power!”

“YEAH, DIE VERMIN!!!” Power yelled again “AND YES! DENJI LAME ASS STAYED IN SCHOOL TO STUDY LIKE A NERDDDD!!!”

“Really? You’re stayed the entire evening at school?” Nayuta said, narrowing her eyes.

“Well – I might have also gone to that coffee shop…” Denji said after a moment. “And I might have eaten some cake…”

“Hm… Did you bring anything for me?” Nayuta asked, rising her eyebrow in such a perfect imitation of Aki that Denji had to cover his mouth not to smile.

“HEY!!!”

“Right, sorry. Did you bring anything for us?” Nayuta said.

“What? I didn’t know you guys would want anything!” Denji said.

“How can you be so unthoughtful? You ate all the cake you wanted and didn’t even think to share with your poor, poor sisters?” Nayuta said, with a dramatically sad face.

“YEAH, DENJI YOU SUCK!”

Denji sighed “If I buy you two ice cream tomorrow will you leave me alone?”

“I might consider.” Nayuta said, nodding her head.

“YEAH, ICE CREAM HECK YEAH!” Power yelled again. This time she sat down on the sofa, and then put the controller aside. Looked like the match had finished (or Power just had rage-quitted).

Denji gently put Pochita on the floor and moved to sit on the sofa next to Power, who immediately tried to kick him from the sofa. He just picked a pillow and used as a shield until she stopped.

“Okay, but what took you so long? It just some stupid paper about frogs or something!” Power said.

“Frogs? Power, that’s not the assignment.” Denji said.

“Yeah, I don’t care. I got paired with Asa, and she’s a total nerd so I just told her to do all the work.” Power said, shrugging.

“And she just… accepted it?” Denji asked.

“I walked away before she could protest.” Power said, with a smug smile.

“Wow, I’m jealous. Yoshida’s like, really strict about our project.” Denji said.

“Yoshida… So that’s the name of that emo guy.” Power said, “Well, sucks to be you!”

“He’s actually really nice? He helped me with the chemistry stuff, and after school we even hung out a little. I think I might get a good grade this time.” Denji said.

Power stopped and looked at him with a strange look in her face. “Really?” she said.

“Yeah, he’s really smart and the project we planned isn’t all that boring.” Denji said.

“I don’t mean the school stuff! I meant —" But whatever Power was going to say next was interrupted when Kishibe entered the living room from the corridor.

“Yo, old man!” Denji called out. Kishibe looked he had just woken up. Instead of his usual work clothes he was wearing a clean shirt, shorts, and sandals. Kishibe was holding Meowy, who was affectionately purring against his chest.

Kishibe yawned “Hey, punks. Aki just called me. Looks like he’s going to come late tonight, which means I will be the one cooking dinner.”

“Ewwwwww.” Denji, Power and Nayuta all said simultaneously.

“Oh c’mon. I’m not that bad at cooking.” Kishibe said. He put Meowy on the sofa, who immediately jumped to Power. She happily hugged him. Power loved that cat more than anything in the world. It was very cute, but if Denji said anything he was pretty sure she would punch him.

Kishibe went to the kitchen, and Denji followed him. “Oh? You want to help me?” Kishibe said, with a smirk. “You’re sure, blondie?”

“Yeah, dude. Aki’s taught me somethings.” Denji said, proudly. He’s brother had always been a master cook, and recently Denji had asked him to teach him how to cook, one because he started to feel a bit guilty that his brother had always had to take care of all of them, and second because learning how to make cakes and pizza anytime he wanted sounded like the best superpower ever.

“Okay, kiddo. Two cooks are better than one, right?” Kishibe said.

In the end, they ordered take-out food instead.

*******************************

Denji woke up early that day, with the awful sound of his alarm. He turned it off after a few attempts and got out of bed with a groan. A quick look upwards showed Denji an empty bunkbed atop his own. Typical of Aki to get home super late and yet be first one in the house to wake up. He and Aki had shared that room for years now, and the division was apparent. On the right side of the room was Denji’s side, floor full of piles of old clothes and with junk he had accumulated over the years, and his trusty skateboard. On his wall there were posters of his favorite anime and videogames, and a bunch of drawings Nayuta had draw for him. Aki’s side was the polar opposite, everything was clean and tidy, there was no mess in the floor and his wall was pristine, with a calendar, a wall clock and more of Nayuta’s drawings. A vase plant on Aki’s study table was the only drop of color on his side.

Denji got out of his room and went to the kitchen, following the smell of breakfast. As he entered the small room, he saw Aki holding a pan and flipping pancakes like a pro chef. Aki was humming a song Denji found vaguely familiar. Kishibe was also there, wearing his work clothes: a sharp suit and tie. He was reading a newspaper and drinking black coffee from a mug with a horrible pun written on it.

“Morning, Denji.” Aki called out.

“Hey, topknot.” Denji said. He yawned and seated next to Kishibe. “Are those pancakes I smell?”

“You bet.” Aki said. “Sorry for being late yesterday. One of my classes got rescheduled.”

“S’Okay. Me and Kishibe took care of things.” Denji said, yawing again. It was way too earlier for talking.

“You two destroyed my kitchen, is what you mean.” Aki said, while he distributed plates with delicious, delicious pancakes for them. It was only because Denji knew Aki for so long that he understood Aki was joking.

Denji added a bunch of butter and cream to his pancakes, which earned a glare from Aki, before wolfing down his food. “That’s bad for your health you know.”

“You’re bad for my health.” Denji said, but since his mouth was full of pancake in sounded more like Yarebedformaheath.

“You should listen to him, kid.” Kishibe said “You don’t want to end up like me.” He opened his mouth, showing all his silver teeth.

“Ewww, dude. I’m eating.” Denji complained, and even Aki winced.

Kishibe only smirked and sat up from his chair. He downed his cup of coffee and set it on top of the table. “Well, I guess I should wake your sisters. Wish me luck.”

“If you die, I call dibs on the car.” Denji said.

“Denji, you don’t even know how to drive.” Aki said. Denji only shrugged.

Kishibe only made a mock salute with his fingers and walked from the kitchen. Aki sat in front of Denji with his own plate and a cup of orange juice, and started eating.

“So… Everything’s okay in school?” Aki said after some time.

“My grades are fine, Aki.” Denji said, rolling his eyes. “You don’t need to worry about it, man.” And his grades were fine. Mostly.

Aki winced “I… I was not talking about grades, Denji.” he said, awkwardly “How have you been feeling? Everything okay with your friends?”

“Ah, sorry.” Denji said, feeling embarrassed. Sometimes he felt like Aki only cared about his’s grades or his appearance, but Denji knew that was stupid. Aki cared about him, even if his way of showing was being kind of an annoying and stern old brother.

“I’m feeling good. Like, really good.” Denji said. And it was true. Right now, he was definitely doing better than he was at his old school. He wasn’t the most popular or the smartest student around, but he had friends, and his teachers weren’t like, totally evil. “I even made a new friend yesterday! I think?” Denji added after a moment.

Could he call Yoshida a friend? Yesterday, when Denji was getting ready to bed, Yoshida had texted him. Any desire to sleep fled Denji, and he and Yoshida talked via text for a long time, until a very grumpy Kishibe entered Denji’s room and said, “Turn off the lights and go the fuck to bed”.

That at least made them acquaintances, right?

“That’s great, Denji. More friends is always a good thing.” Aki said, nodding.

“Says the guy that has like, one friend in college.” Denji said cheekily.

Aki raised an eyebrow “I have more than one friend.”

“Oh, yeah? How many?” Denji said.

“… Three.” Aki said, after a moment.

“Ha! That means I’m winning.” Denji said smugly.

“Denji, friendship isn’t a competition.” Aki said, exasperated.

“Everything’s in life is a competition if you’re not a coward.” Denji said wisely.

At that moment, Power stomped to the kitchen, with an annoyed expression. She sat down without saying anything and Aki passed her a plate with food. Power grumbled something and started furiously eating the pancakes. Soon after Kishibe walked with Nayuta, she was still wearing pajamas and had a sleepy expression.

“You’re both losers by the way.” Power said, “I have way more friends than you two.”

“Your dumb followers don’t count!” Denji said. Power flipped him off and received a glare from Aki. Denji flipped her off in return and received a glare from Aki. Kishibe ignored them, and Nayuta laughed at the interaction.

So yeah, it was a pretty normal morning for them.

**********************************

“And I think… We’re pretty much finished here.” Yoshida said.

“Wait, really?” Denji asked.

“Pretty much. We did the research and organized the presentation. Honestly, I don’t think we can do anything else. Unless you want to make it a one-hour presentation.” Yoshida said with a smirk.

“Well…” Denji mumbled. Had they really finished on two days? Two days? Last time he had done one of these with Power, it took them a whole week to just start the damn thing! Sure, it was just some dumb chemistry assignment – it wasn’t even graded – but still! Two days!

Well, he supposed that what happened when your partner was someone who was actually smart. Denji had to admit, he was feeling a little bit disappointed. He had been looking forward to continuing studying with Yoshida. But now they had finished the stupid thing, and now Yoshida had no reason to hang out with Denji. He tried not to show anything though. He would probably creep Yoshida out, and that was the last thing he wanted.

“Wow, that’s cool dude. Finally, this stupid thing is over, right?” Denji said.

“Right… We still have to present it in class, but that’s just next week, so” Yoshida said, and rather abruptly he started to gather his things. Denji felt that he had upset Yoshida somehow, but he honestly had no idea what he did. Great, Denji. Once again, you fuck things up, and you too dumb to understand how.

Denji knew, somehow, that he needed to fix this now. If he didn’t do anything, if he just stood there like an idiot, Yoshida would leave and something in him couldn’t stand to let that happen.

“Hey! Do you want to get ice cream?” Denji blurted out the first thing that came in his mind. Yoshida looked at him with a startled look.

“What?” Yoshida said. Denji internally cringed. Why was he always like this?

Well, the positive side of him thought, at least Yoshida wasn’t leaving anymore. He was staring at him like Denji was insane though.

“I mean— I promised my sisters to buy them ice cream yesterday. And I was wondering… If you wanted to come along with… me…?” Denji started saying, and slowly his voice started to die. This was the most embarrassing moment of his life. Yoshida would definitely think he was a freak now.

Yoshida stayed silent for a moment; his face unreadable. Denji felt Yoshida’s eyes searching his face, and he couldn’t help but feel scrutinized by Yoshida’s intense gaze. Denji was sure he was just going to walk away. But then he surprised Denji.

“Okay.” Yoshida said, softly.

“Okay?” Denji repeated, dumbfounded.

“Yeah, sure. Let’s go. I know a good spot.” Yoshida said and immediately started walking away. Denji stayed on the spot, momentarily stunned. When he realized Yoshida left the room, he rushed to gather his things and follow him.

The “spot” Yoshida knew was further way than Denji had initially suspected, they had to take a subway to go there. The trip had been kind of awkward. Different from yesterday there was an uncomfortable silence between them. Yoshida stayed mostly glued to his phone, and Denji couldn’t think of anything to say anyway. He spent the entire way trying to think if something he had said had upset of offended Yoshida. He also felt bad for dragging Yoshida across town – he probably had only agreed to Denji’s lame invite out of pity.

The ice cream shop Yoshida took him was a tiny store in a quiet and pleasant street. And the counter lady was really nice, and apparently knew Yoshida well, not only because she called him by name but because Yoshida referred to her as Auntie.

The prospect of ice cream improved both of their moods. Denji picked the maximum number of flavors that he could, while Yoshida picked a simple chocolate ice cream. Denji was going to pick something for his sisters, but then he realized that by the time he got back anything he bought would have already melted. And so, with an internal groan, he decided to just buy ice cream on the grocery store closest to their home later.

They seated on some stairs outside to eat their ice cream, but soon they had no other ways of avoiding talking. Denji gathered his courage and started first.

“Uh, I’m sorry.” Denji said. Yoshida turned to him with a confused look, and so he clarified “Sorry for upsetting you. I know I say some stupid shit sometimes, but I really did not want to make you uncomfortable.”

“What?” Yoshida said. He looked annoyed, and Denji wondered in panic if he had made things worse, but then continued “Denji, you did nothing wrong. I am the one who should be apologizing.”

Huh?

“Wait, what?” Denji said, genuinely confused.

“I’m not great with… people.” Yoshida began “And sometimes I assume the worst of people. I misinterpreted something you said and without second thought, I lashed out. That was really, really unfair to you. So… I’m sorry.”

Yoshida was apologizing ? To him ? That seemed absurd. And somehow that seemed worst than Yoshida being mad at him.

“W- Dude, it’s fine, really.” Denji said, feeling anxious.

“No, it’s not.” Yoshida said, and Denji was taken aback by the force in his voice “I’m not blind, I saw how much I upset you.” He looked straight at Denji “I’m really sorry, Denji.”

Denji had to turn his gaze away. He couldn’t deal with the look on Yoshida’s eyes. Like… Like he actually felt terrible that he had hurt Denji.

He just couldn’t deal with that.

(Had someone ever apologize to him before?)

And so, he looked elsewhere – anywhere – and changed the subject “You say that you’re not great with people, but we have been along pretty well.” Denji mumbled.

Yoshida smirked “Maybe you’re different.”

“Hah, right.” Denji said, rolling his eyes.

“I’m serious. Different from you, I’m not good at making friends.” Yoshida said.

“What? I wouldn’t really call myself ‘popular’.” Denji said.

“Sure. But you do have friends you’re close with.” Yoshida pointed out.

Denji thought about that. Yes, he had friends, good friends even. Friends he could hang out with, do homework together, or just… talk. Something he hadn’t always had.

The way Yoshida talked about it, almost with envy, made Denji remember how much companionship was valuable, and how much he had taken it for granted.

“Yeah… You’re right.” Denji said.

“Very loud friends I might add.” Yoshida said. “I can hear you guys yelling with my headphones on.”

Denji looked at Yoshida. This time he saw him a little differently. They had only really known each other for two days now, and Yoshida was still a complete mystery to him, but now Denji felt like he understood him a little better. And he wanted to know more about Hirofumi Yoshida, with a certainty that was a little frightening.

“Yoshida.” Denji said.

“Hm?”

“Do you want to be my friend?” Denji asked.

Yoshida’s eyes widened, and he looked at Denji in surprise. Denji felt a little silly saying it like that, but he also felt a strange satisfaction in surprising Yoshida not once, but twice in a row.

“I’m sorry?” Yoshida said.

“It’s just, I think you are really cool, and I want to spend more time with you.” Denji said, feeling a little embarrassed with the honesty in his words “Aside from chemistry, that is.”

For a moment, if Denji didn’t know any better, Yoshida looked almost nervous. But the moment passed, and Yoshida was back to his usual cool self. He smiled and said, “I suppose I did ask for it, didn’t I?”

“So… Is that a, yes?” Denji said, grinning.

“Yes, Denji. I, Hirofumi Yoshida, officially accept your friendship request.” Yoshida said, solemnly, putting a hand on his chest.

“I, Denji Hayakawa, am honored at your acceptance.” Denji said, as he bowed dramatically. He quickly started laughing at the silliness of the situation, and out of relief by how the situation had ended. Yoshida joined him with a smile of his own.

Denji decided in that moment that he would make Yoshida laugh one day. But that could wait. For now, Denji was happy to make his new friend smile.

Chapter Text

Chapter 3

“Soooo, Denji.” Reze said, “When are you going to introduce us to your new boyfriend?”

“What?! Boyfriend?!” Denji said, surprised. “I don’t have a boyfriend!”

The whole squad was there, occupying two tables in the cantina. It was break, and the whole place was crowded with students running and talking. In the right table, Denji, Reze, Power and Beam were seated. In the left one, were Asa, Yuko, Fami and Yoru. Everybody turned to look at him with varying amounts of surprise and curiosity, and in case of Power, disbelief.

“Wait. Boyfriend?” Yuko said, with a grin.

“Eww. No way Denji’s dating anyone.” Power said, scrunching her nose “He has like, negative rizz.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend!” Denji said, exasperated. If he had a boyfriend, he’s pretty sure he’d know.

“Oh, really? Cause words around school is that you been spending a lot of time with Yoshida.” Reze said, with a teasing smile.

“What- We’re friends!” Denji said, feeling his cheeks burning “We just hang out sometimes, okay?”

“Really? I never see Yoshida talking to anyone.” Yuko said, with curiosity.

“He’s got to have some pretty low standards if he’s dating Denji, of all people.” Yoru said, and Fami nodded.
“What? No way! Denji’s a catch!” Beam said.

“Again, Yoshida is not my boyfriend.” Denji said, feeling strangely uncomfortable with the idea. “But thanks for defending my honor anyway, Beam.”

Beam gave him a thumbs up “I got your back, bro!”

“But back on track,” Reze said “When are you going to introduce your “new friend” to us?” And she actually made air quotations with her fingers, to which Denji rolled his eyes.

“I don’t know. I mean, he’s kind of… shy?” Denji said, uncertain. Shy wasn’t the actual word he was thinking, but aggressively antisocial sounded a little mean.

It had been more or less two weeks since he had started talking with Yoshida. They had already done the chemistry presentation, and it had gone great. It was one of the few good grades Denji had gotten in a while. Aside from that, they mostly talked through text, and sometimes after school. During classes and breaks, Yoshida continued to spend the entire time on his phone, alone on the classroom. Denji had invited him to lunch with his friends, but Yoshida had politely declined. And honestly? Denji didn’t mind. As he learned with his brother, sometimes people need their own space, and the more Denji got to know Yoshida, the more he realized how much school stressed him. At first glance you couldn’t tell, but after weeks of hanging out with Yoshida outside of school, the easier it was to see how tense he got when he was in class – his back straight, face rigid, eyes narrowed, way quieter. Hey, Denji was no stranger to feeling stressed in school, and so he understood his friend’s need to a little quiet between classes (well, as quiet as Yoshida’s punk songs got).

Besides, Denji had his other friends to spend time with during break. Though, sometimes they could be as bad as his enemies (his sister. He’s talking about his sister).

“Oh, I know! We can go to the arcade this evening, and you can invite Yoshida.” Yuko said.

“That’s a great idea, Yuko.” Reze said, nodding “So, Denji. What do you think? Ready to show us your new not-boyfriend?”

“Okay, fine.” Denji said. He did want Yoshida to meet his friends, but he couldn’t help but feel anxiety at the notion. He liked his friends, but he knew they could be… a lot. “But please don’t embarrass me.”

Reze put a hand on her chest, feigning hurt “Denji, I would never.”

“I make no such promises.” Yuko said, raising a hand and grinning.

“Same. Embarrassing you is like, my job.” Power added.

Oh, God. This is going to be a disaster. Denji thought.

*****************************************************

“Oh God. This is going to be a disaster.” Yoshida said, quietly under his breath.

Denji had invited him to go met his friends at the arcade. Which was fine. He was definitely not panicking. It was not like he was horrible meeting new people, or even worse, that these were Denji’s friends. What if he embarrassed himself in front of them? What if they hated him? Denji would never want to talk to Yoshida again.

He shook his head and turned up the volume on his phone. It was a Friday afternoon, and the subway was full of people. Yoshida was already late, because he had spent way too much time deciding on what to wear. It took several more minutes to the train to arrive at the destination, and Yoshida impatiently rushed from the station to the arcade.

Anxiously, he irrationally imagined that he would arrive, and no one would be there. It would not be the first time his classmates deceived him or forgot about him. In his old school, he had been pranked and bullied almost every day, and everybody had always laughed when he arrived at the wrong address, or when the party had already finished, or that school trip where they had left him behind –

Yoshida was so lost in thought that he almost bumped into Denji.

“Oh! Yoshida!” Denji said, grinning upon recognizing him. He was standing in the opening of the arcade – neon letters in the entryway advertising the place, the sound of games and yelling reaching the walkway every time the double doors opened.

“Sorry, I’m late.” Yoshida blurted out.

“Eh, don’t worry. You haven’t missed much.” Denji said, smiling “So, do you want to enter?”

“Sure.” Yoshida said. Both of them entered the arcade. It was made of big rooms, with aisles and ailes of games of all kinds, from dancing games to shooters. There were bright red and blue lights and sounds of machines and all the kids yelling was an ever-present cacophony that, mixed with the smell of pizza and snacks made Yoshida feel a wave of nostalgia. The last time he went to one of these he had been like, five.

They walked together through the corridors, evading kids running, puddles of spilt food and drinks and the occasional waiter on roller skates. Yoshida felt his anxiety lessen just by seeing Denji. He didn’t know why, just that suddenly the prospect of meeting new people didn’t sound so terrifying when he was with Denji.

Which was. A totally normal thing to think about your friend.

“Oh. And Yoshida?” said Denji, looking a little nervous.

“What’s up?”

“I know my friends can be… kind of weird.” said Denji “But I think you will really like them. I mean, I know they will love you. So, please give them a chance?”

Yoshida doubted that anyone that Denji’s friends would like him, much less love him, but Denji was looking with such an adorable hopeful face that Yoshida couldn’t bear the thought of disappointing him.

“Hey, don’t worry. They can’t be weirder than me.” Yoshida said with a smirk.

“What? You’re not weird.” Denji said, with a confused frown on his face.

“Ha. Very funny, Denji.” Yoshida said.

“I’m not joking. You’re like, the coolest person I know.” Denji said.

Yoshida and cool were not words that belonged together. Yoshida had always been the loner, the emo, the freak. The kid who everybody ignored or picked on. He wasn’t popular and he wasn’t smart. Everybody, including himself, knew Yoshida was a loser.

And yet.

Denji called him cool. It made no sense. Yoshida wanted to believe that Denji was lying or messing with him, but he knew Denji would never. He was being sincere, saying with the same confidence as if he was stating a scientific fact. Denji, for some unknowable reason, genuinely thought that Yoshida was cool.

“Oh, I see them!” Denji said, looking at one of the arcades, completely oblivious to Yoshida’s reaction. He was grateful for Denji’s distraction, because he had no idea what his face looked like in the moment.

They walked up to one of the arcade machines, where two girls were playing a fighting game called Fatal Tournament, while another girl watched with a bored expression.

“Hey, guys! Yoshida’s here!” Denji called. The girls paused the game to talk to them.

“So, you’re the famous Yoshida, huh?” one of them said with a knowingly smile that Yoshida really disliked.

Denji rolled his eyes “Yoshida, these are Yuko, Reze and Asa. Girls, this is Yoshida.”

“Hi! I’m not sure if you remember me, but we kind of met already in music class?” Yuko said, with a bright energetic smile.

“Sure?” Yoshida said, she did seem familiar, but only a little. He only went to music class for a couple of classes before dropping.

Asa only nodded to him. She seemed to have the same kind of enthusiasm in being here that he had, maybe even less.

Wow. Great, Yoshida. One minute and you’re already doing a horrible job socializing. 10/10.

“Where’s everybody else?” Denji asked.

“Yoru’s is playing laser tag, Fami went to grab some food and… I have no idea where your sister and Beam went.” Reze said, counting on her fingers.

“So, what do we do now?” Yuko asked. “There’s some dancing games we can try right there.”

“Absolutely not.” Denji and Asa said at the same time.

“Pfft, you guys are no fun!”

In the next hour the group traveled across the arcade, jumping from game to game. Ghost-Man, Road Chicken, Time Invaders, Super Jump Sisters, Thomas the Armadillo, and all the other classic arcade games. The place even had some shitty VR games that left you wanting to puke.

So, in opposition on what Yoshida expected, he had a good time in the arcade. There was little room for awkward conversation while they played, and Denji’s friend didn’t seem bothered by his presence.

“Oh. My. God.” Denji said. “Yoshida, I’ve found the perfect game for us.”

“Really?” Yoshida said. Asa and Yuko while on the other side of the corridor, playing a racing game together (“Eat my dust, Mitaka!” “In your dreams!”) while Reze was busy solo-playing a very loud and violent FPS full of explosions and zombies.

Denji walked up to an empty booth where GUITAR MASTER BATTLE was displayed on the screen, with two plastic guitars were hanging from the walls. Denji picked up one of them. “What do you say, big guy? Are you up for a challenge? Or are all those claims of playing a guitar just talk?”

Yoshida grinned and cracked his knuckles “Prepare to regret your words, my friend.”

*******************************************************

One awesome musical duel later they were walking across the arcade, and Denji was definitely not sulking. Okay, maybe a little. He knew he could be a bit of a sore loser sometimes. But honestly, it was hard to be upset this time. Yoshida had looked so happy while he was playing Guitar Master Battle. Denji knew his friend had been a bit stressed before – arcades were a mess after all – but now he had an almost peaceful expression. Like, playing music had shed all of his bad energy away. And that had been playing a videogame on an old arcade with a spent piece of plastic! Denji had the sudden desire to see Yoshida play real music.

And while they were walking Denji saw his sister. “Oh, of course.” he said.
“What is it?” Yoshida asked, and then he looked in the direction of Denji’s gaze.

Power and Beam were in bumper cars, shouting and enduring a fierce campaign to terrorize all of the other drivers. Which was not very effective considering how slow the bumper cars were, but hey, they made it up in enthusiasm.

“I better go get them before they get us all kicked out.” Denji said, and then he grimaced “Oh, God. I sound like Aki.”

Yoshida chuckled “I’m right behind you, captain.”

Denji grinned “What you I do without you, my loyal sidekick?”

Yoshida raised one eyebrow “Sidekick? Really?”

“Why? Would you prefer ‘partner’?” Denji said, winking.

Yoshida rolled his eyes “Oh, shut up.”

In the end, they had to get their own bumper cars and defeat Power and Beam in a vehicular death-match to get them to leave the place. After that, they reunited with the rest of the group in the cantina area. They ordered a large pizza, and everyone shared their stories of the evening.

“I, obviously, won first place.” Yoru said smugly, showing a cheap plastic trophy “It was really easy.”

“Because your opponents were toddles.” Asa said.
“Bullshit. Those snotty-nosed little shits are ruthless.” Yoru said, “I won because I’m a fearless warrior.”

“…At laser tag.” Asa repeated.

“They didn’t let me in the ball pit.” Beam sniffed “’Said I was too old.”

Yuko patted him in the back “There, there.”

It was good being with everyone like that. Hanging out with his friends, playing videogames, and eating cheap pizza. That’s what life all about. At least to Denji.

Still, Denji noted that Yoshida was starting to feel tired – he was quieter and was mostly looking at his phone. Denji felt a pang of guilt, he hoped he hadn’t put Yoshida through too much that day. Though things had been mostly fine, Yoshida had seemed to get along with the others pretty well all things considered, but still he worried. It was a miracle none of his friends had done anything that embarrassing (even his sister had seemed to behave almost normally that evening – for Power’s standards of course).

“Well, this has been fun guys but me and Powy need to go. If we pass nine PM Aki will have a fit.” Denji said, which was true. It would have been funny that his older brother was the one that maintained a curfew and not Kishibe, but Denji didn’t feel joking about it, especially considering what happened the last time he had disobeyed (it was a whole thing, don’t worry about it).

“Fuck off, you’re not my boss.” Power grumbled. Denji flipped her off.

“I also need to go.” Fami said. Everybody agreed to call it a night then.
In the train station, Denji stood next to Yoshida. Power was a little behind, taking selfies or whatever social media things she did. Yoshida was softly whistling a tune, that Denji recognized as one of the songs he had showed him.

“Hey, Yoshida?” said Denji. “Thanks for coming. It was really nice having you around this time.”

“Well, thanks for inviting me.” Yoshida said “It has been… a while since I did this kind of thing. I hope I wasn’t too much of a bore.”

“You’re kidding? You’re awesome, man.” Denji said, and a little more nervously he added “…So, everything was alright? I mean, I didn’t like, drag you through an entire evening of suffering, right?”

Yoshida smiled “Don’t worry, Denji. It was nice. Your friends were cool. Honestly, I haven’t had this much fun… in forever, honestly.”

Denji finally relaxed. “Oh, okay. That’s, that’s good.”

“Having said that, I will need a few days to recharge my social battery.” Yoshida said, sighing.

Denji chuckled “Yeah, I can imagine.”

Yoshida’s train arrived in the station, and the doors opened with a soft chime. “Oh, this one is mine.” he said.

“Right. Bye, Yoshida.” Denji said, and then he hesitated. He almost went for a hug, but that seemed too much. And Yoshida wasn’t a fan of when other people invaded his personal space. But a handshake was too little, and way too formal. So, Denji settled for putting his hand on Yoshida’s arm “See you in class.” He said, squeezing Yoshida’s arm.

Yoshida looked he was going to say something, but then the train chimed again, and he had to rush to the wagon before the doors closed. Through the window Denji saw Yoshida waving, and Denji waved back. And then the train started moving and he was gone.

“That.” Power said, walking to his side and startling him “Was really gross.”

“Fuck off, Power.” Denji said, elbowing her side. Power only snickered.

While they waited for their train, Denji realized how cold that night was. And he, of course, had forgotten his jacket.

On his train ride home, Yoshida couldn’t stop thinking about Denji’s hand on his arm, and how warm it had been. He could still feel the touch, burning him.

Chapter Text

“You had been added to a New Group – The Squad”

Yoshida looked at his phone, the white glow of the screen the only thing illuminating his bedroom. He was still groggy from sleep, he hadn’t slept well that night. “What?” he mumbled as his eyes got used to the light.

It was a chat group, Denji’s friends chat group he noticed. There were a bunch of pictures of yesterday’s arcade: everybody eating pizza together, Asa and Yuko playing kart, Power on a dancing game, Beam with a kicked puppy face next to a ball pit, and… even one with Yoshida in it. He blinked. Wait, what?

Yes, it was a photo of him. Only him, flipping off a Robot Kid game machine. He vaguely recalled playing it, and getting pissed because the damn game was busted, and he kept dying because the enemies were almost invulnerable. Denji must have taken the photo, but Yoshida hadn’t notice.

Yoshida ignored how his heart skipped a beat and focused on the messages of the group chat.

The Squad (trademark) – Group Chat 09:32

sharkboy: YESTERDAY WAS SO FUN YOU GUYS I LOVE YOU YALL

yk: I missed the arcade! It was really cool going there again!!! ^-^

asa: the pizza was pretty bad though -_-

foodie: pizza is pizza

dennis: pizza is pizza

sharkboy: pizza is pizza

warlord: pizza is pizza

yk: pizza is pizza

creeperawwman: pizza is pizza

eviltwin: PIZZA IS PIZZA

asa:…….

yk: also!! it was really cool meeting you Yoshida!!! we should hang out more!!! :D

sharkboy: YEAH!!! YOSHIDA IT WAS COOL TO MEET YOU BRO!!! ANY FRIEND OF DEN IS A FRIEND OF MINE!!! YOURE REALLY COOL DUDE!!! (sunglasses emoji) (heavy metal hand emoji)

creeperawwman: yeah! Yoshida you’re invited to hang out with us anytime :)

asa: (thumbs up emoji)

eviltwin: (image of a bunch of animals looking at the screen, the text reads: The Council has decided – you are a friend <3)

Yoshida felt something warm and foreign in his chest. A light and bright feeling, that left him feeling… fuzzy inside? It was something completely different from what he was used to. And yet, it wasn’t a weird feeling. At all. It felt good.

You received a message from (Denji)

denji: I think they liked you :D

Yoshida smiled.

******************************************************

The next weeks passed quickly. Homework, exams, guitar lessons. That was routine. But he also spent more time with Denji, most days they walked to the train station together after school, and when both had free time, they visited the local game store or went to get some ice cream on the usual place. And every now and then Denji would ask for some help with schoolwork, and they would spend the evening back in the library.

“Dude, you should start tutoring.” Denji said, one time.

“I’m not a great teacher.” Yoshida said.

“You’ kidding me? You’re the best thing that happened to my academic career since I discovered I can copy homework from the internet!” Denji said.

“Maybe its you who is a good student.” Yoshida said.

“Hah, right.” Denji said, rolling his eyes. Yoshida felt a spike of anger, not at Denji obviously, but at the universe. Denji was smart. Sure, not in a “book smart” kind of way, but he had a sharp mind, and when he understood something, he learned by heart, and he had these-these outbursts of creativity that were so, so incredible. And it made Yoshida angry that the universe had taught him, had made Denji think that he wasn’t smart, or hard-working or whatever.

But Yoshida didn’t say anything of course. How could he? How do you even explain something like that? No, you can’t. So, Yoshida only frowned and changed the subject.

He also started to spend more time with Denji’s friends. In a matter of days, Yoshida went from nodding to them when he saw one of them at school to occasional and brief conversations in the hallway to now, where he was with them in the school’ rooftop, during break. They were seated in a circle, the wind of roof was chilly but not unpleasant, and the sky blue was a welcome change from the white filled white lockers from the school’ interiors. Reze and Yuko were having a heated conversation about some book series, with Asa making occasional remarks, while Fami was busy eating a snack (two sandwiches and pigs in a blanket) and Yoshida was just – seating there. Not really understanding what was happening.

How had this happened? Yoshida expected that he would encounter the rest of the group only briefly, if ever. After all, why would they want to have Yoshida with them? Sure, they had been friendly in the arcade, but that’s completely different from like, letting him into their social circle. Right?

Part of him was still in “lone wolf mode”. The part of him that he had to grow to survive school after everything. Yes, Denji’s friends were nice and always tried to include in stuff (sometimes too much, but he appreciated the effort). But part of him, a suspicious and mistrustful part, was still waiting for the curtain to fall, for the lie to reveal itself, for them to turn on him. Yes, intellectually he knew he wasn’t being rational – until now they had been nothing but kind and friendly, there was no reason to think they were lying or messing with him – they’re were Denji’s friends for God’s sake. And yet. He couldn’t help the feeling in his gut. He knew he was being unfair. He knew he was probably wrong. Yoshida could only hope he would get over it one day.

He half-listened to the girl’s discussion, and looked across the rooftop, where Denji, Power, Beam and Yoru were playing volley (or dodgeball? Or maybe catch? Yoshida was not a sports guy), laughing and yelling. Not really his thing, but it was fun to watch them having fun.

Aside from the group and some pigeons, the rooftop was completely empty, which was great. Yoshida was still getting used to having so many people be aware of his presence at the same time, and that was way easier when it was just them there.

“Hey, Yoshida. What do you think?” Yuko asked him.

“Um, sorry. What was the question?” Yoshida said, looking back at the others.

“Who do you think is a better love interest for Alex?” Yuko said, “Harley or Blake?”

“Hmm…” Yoshida said, “What are we talking about again?”

“Sorcerer’s Destiny! The famous YA fantasy series!” Yuko said.

“Right. Well, I haven’t read it, so I don’t think qualified to answer that.” Yoshida said.

“Not at all. It means you’re unbiased.” Reze said.
“Yeah! Well, Harley is a badass, and she and Alex are childhood best friends, and they love each other very much and would destroy the world for one another. Which they did. Two times! And Harley is Alex’s most trusted companion in the entire world. She’s obviously the better choice for endgame.” Yuko explained.

“Oh, please. Harley is boring. Blake is sooo much better.” Reze said “Blake has drama. Blake has betrayal. Blake has tragedy. I could write essays about his story arc and how his dynamic with Alex’s challenges her character. C’mon, Yuko. Lovers to enemies. Doomed by the narrative! What more could you want?”

“Blake is a villain!” Yuko said.

“No, he isn’t. He is an antagonist. That’s different!” Reze said.

“Hmm. Sorry, Yuko. But I’m learning more towards the bad boy.” Yoshida said, after some thought.

“Yoshida, please!” Yuko said, while Reze flashed her a smug grin “Don’t listen to Reze and her angsty stuff. Harley and Alex are the cutest couple ever. They live together. They use pet names. Their families basically think it’s official by now. They raise a baby dragon together. They’re a literally soulmates!”

“That’s not an argument! Emma and Jack are soulmates and they’re one hundred platonic.” Reze said “And if you really want to go to that territory, Alex and Blake are technically married.”

“Reze, I swear to God. For the last time, dark rituals do not count as marriage!” Yuko said, exasperated.

“In Blake’s culture it does!” Reze said.
“That’s a fanon!” Yuko said, “It doesn’t count!”

Yoshida, who was already lost, realized they would go on another discussion, and quickly looked over to Asa “And you? What do you think?”

Asa blinked, momentarily surprised at being asked, and then recovered herself. “Well, I mean. The most likely scenario is that Harley’s is going to die (she has like, a ton of death flags) and then Blake is going to get redeemed.”

“Nooooo. Asa, why.” Yuko cried. Reze raised a triumphant first to the sky.

“I see.” Yoshida said.

“But. I think what is actually going to happen is that when Harley’s is about to die Blake will sacrifice himself to save her, thus saving her and redeeming himself.”

“Aha! In your face, Reze!” Yuko said, completely recovered.

“Oh, c’mon.” Reze complained “After everything Blake been through, he’s just… dies in the end? Really?”

“I thought you liked tragedies.” Yuko said, smugly.

“Yeah. But I don’t like bad endings.” Reze said.

“Those are my theories. But that’s not what I want to help.” Asa said.

“Oh? What would you rather do? If you were the writer of the story?” Yoshida said. Surprisingly, he was starting to get invested in this.

“W-Well, I mean. It just what I think.” Asa mumbled, a little nervous since now everyone was looking at her, with expectation “If. If I had to choose an ending… I would like…”

“Yes…?” Yoshida prompted.

“I would like if Blake and Harley both lived, and Alex got together with both of them in the end. “Asa said, and then put her hands on her face, clearly embarrassed “I-I just want them all to be happy, okay?”

“Hm. Not a bad ending, I think.” Yoshida said, trying to be reassuring.

“Aww. I think I like your ending better, Asa.” Yuko said, smiling. “Right, Reze?”

“… Fine. I suppose that would be an okay ending.” Reze said “Though I’m pretty sure Harley and Blake would like, try to kill each other every day.”

“God. Can you imagine how would be their breakfasts?” Yuko said, and then she and Reze started laughing together. Asa seemed relieved that everybody liked her ending, and Yoshida was happy that the arguing was over (at some points Yuko and Reze seemed ready to duke it out right there).

“Hey, you guys want to know who my favorite character is?” Fami said.

“Is Jack, isn’t?” Reze said.

Fami raised her eyebrows “How did you know?”

“It’s because they’re great at cooking, isn’t it?” Yuko said.

Fami grinned “Oh, you guys know me so well.”

******************************************************

“Hey, do you want to come over to my house this weekend? We can play the new Wicked Host game together!”

Why had past Denji said that? Why? Invite Yoshida to his house? What was he thinking?

Denji paced around the living room, anxiously waiting, and ignoring Nayuta’s complaints. “Den! I can’t watch Bluey with you making so much noise!” she said. It was Saturday, and Nayuta was seating on the sofa still in pajamas, eating ice cream direct from the box, her penguin plushie seating beside her.

“Sorry,” Denji mumbled.

“You’re acting like Aki.” Nayuta said, giggling. Which was completely uncalled for.

“Hey, that’s not true!” Denji said. Though, he supposed, maybe he was overreacting a bit. He had even cleaned his room for the first time in weeks. It was obliviously not the first time he invited one of his friends to his house – Beam and Reze came over all the time – but for some reason the prospect of Yoshida visiting Denji’s apartments made him nervous.
Blessedly, soon there was a knock on the door. Denji opened it and saw Yoshida, wearing a casual outfit and holding a plastic bag with two soda bottles. “Um, hey. I brought this?”

“Oh, hey. Cool, cool.” Denji said. He walked back into the living room, but Yoshida stayed glued to the doorstep. “Aren’t you coming?”

“Um, I just...” Yoshida mumbled, a bit hesitant.

“What? You need an invitation to enter?” Denji said, raising an eyebrow.

“Again. I’m not a vampire, Denji.” Yoshida said, smirking.

“Uhm. Could’ve fooled me, man. I mean, you’re really pale and wears a lot of black…” Denji said.

Yoshida rolled his eyes and entered, closing the door behind him “See? I didn’t combust or anything.”

“…And I never see you in sunlight,” continued Denji, grinning.

Yoshida bumped him with his shoulder “I already entered, Van Helsing.” Any trace of hesitancy or awkwardness had completely vanished from Yoshida’s face. Mission accomplished, Captain Denji.

“Okay, okay. I’ll stop. For now.” Denji said, winking.

Nayuta coughed loudly, startling them both “Can you guys leave? Some of us are trying to binge-watch cartoons here!”

“Oh, Nayuta! This is Yoshida.” Denji said. He had almost forgotten his sister was there.

“Um, hello?” Yoshida said, awkwardly.

“Hi.” Nayuta replied, without looking away from the TV.

Yoshida looked at Denji, who just shrugged. They left the living room, leaving Nayuta to watch her cartoons in peace. They walked the corridor, passing through Aki’s and Power’s rooms.

“Didn’t you say you had a hundred dogs or something?” Yoshida said, looking around.

“Yeah, but Kishibe’s took them out for a walk.” Denji said, “Probably going to be a while before they came back.”

“Oh, okay.” Yoshida said. Was that… disappointment in his face? Well, dogs were awesome, after all. Maybe later, when Kishibe came back.

“Aki is napping in his room and Power is doing only God’s know what in hers.” Denji said. Aki had just finished a week of exams, so he was basically comatose.

Denji entered his room first, making a quick evaluation that everything was in its place. No piles of dirty clothes, his skate had been put somewhere safe (the number of times Aki had accidentally slipped because of it would be funny if it weren’t the scolding Denji got every time it happened) and all his stuffed animals had been safely moved to Nayuta’s room (if Yoshida saw one of those, he would die). Okay, everything seemed in place.
He entered and Yoshida’s followed him, looking curiously around. Denji’s followed Yoshida’s gaze. There was the desk with the old TV, his console, and his bookcase full of manga. All the movie posters around his walls. And the shelf with his photos… His shelf! With a jolt, Denji remembered he hadn’t checked if there were any embarrassing photos on the shelf. Unfortunately, it was too late. Yoshida was already looking at the pictures. Denji joined him, trying to appear casual.

“Those are, um, pretty old.” Denji said.

“Hmm.” Yoshida said. The oldest one was of the day Kishibe had adopted Denji and Power. The old man was giving a thumbs-up to the camera, Denji – only eleven at the time – was crossing his arms, trying to make a “cool” expression that only made him look constipated, while Power was scrunching her face and sticking her tongue to the camera (Aki had been the one to take it). Across it, there were some twenty or more photos, taken across the years. A photo of Pochita (most of them were photos of Pochita). A photo of him and all his friends on his fifteenth birthday. A photo of him and Power skateboarding. A photo of Denji on his first day in high school. A photo of Denji in a pool, completely unaware of a Beam mid-air in the middle of a cannonball. A photo of Denji on an Ash Williams Halloween costume, holding a cardboard chainsaw. A photo of Denji and Reze, holding hands, in New Year’s Eve (they didn’t date anymore but still were friends). And the most recent one, a photo of the entire Hayakawa family: Kishibe was seated on the sofa, looking tired. Aki was standing, with a small smile, holding Denji’s shoulder. Power was using Denji’s other side as a headrest. Both of them were making ugly faces. And Nayuta was seated on the floor, grinning and holding Meowy, with all of the dogs beside her. It was the perfect picture.

But of course, Yoshida wasn’t looking at that one. Noooo. He was looking at photo of him twelfth birthday, which had been – in smol Denji’s insistence – Lighting McQueen-themed. His younger self was grinning widely, face covered in cake, wearing… Lighting McQueen crocsthat. It was a loud and full belly laughter. For a moment, Denji stood there, completely mesmerized by this unexpected and precious sight. Seeing Yoshida with the dogs, laughing and happy made Denji feel some foreign but familiar emotion he wouldn’t be able to name even if he tried.

“What’s all this noise?” Kishibe said as he walked from the corridor, rubbing his eyes. He saw Yoshida surrounded by the dogs “Oh, okay. C’mon, boys. Leave the lad alone.” He shooed them from Yoshida, most of them going back to their usual places, until Pochita was the last one with Yoshida. “Sorry about that, kid. They always get too excited when meeting new people.”

“It’s okay, I don’t mind.” Yoshida said, petting Pochita – who barked happily and then went over to the others.

“You… You are new, right?” Kishibe said. “Cause you’re way too skinny to be Beam, and your hair is way too short to be Reze.”

“Um, Yes. Sir.” Yoshida stood up “I-I’m Yoshida.”

Kishibe nodded, and after a short but evaluating look at Yoshida, he extended his hand. Yoshida shook it, nervously “Well, then. Nice to meet you, Yoshida.” he said, in an enigmatic way. Then he looked at Denji and winked “Are those cookies I smell? We better hurry up before Power eats everything!”

“I heard that!” Power called from the kitchen “And you can’t stop me, old man!”

Kishibe walked to the kitchen, softly humming some old song, leaving Denji and Yoshida alone on the living room.

“What just happened?” Denji said after a moment.

“I honestly have no idea.” Yoshida said.

**********************************************

When Yoshida arrived home his mother was seating on the sofa, working on her laptop, a bunch of paper by her side. She looked at him and smiled “Oh, good. I was starting to get worried. Did you stay this late?” she asked. She moved some of the papers to make room for Yoshida, and he seated beside her. She looked exactly like Yoshida, just older, shorter and with glasses.

“Uh, actually I was at Denji’s house.” Yoshida said “Sorry, I forgot to tell you.

“Denji?” his mother asked.

Yoshida blinked. He realized he hadn’t told his mother about Denji. “He’s a friend. From school.” He said.

“Really?” his mother said. Maybe someone would be offended at the surprise in his mother’s voice, but he couldn’t really blame his mother. After all, he’s track record of friendship – or general socializing for that matter – wasn’t great.

Hell, if you told Yoshida a month ago that he was going to have not one, but more than two friends he wouldn’t have believed you.

“That’s great, Hirofumi!” his mother continued, smiling. Then her face got serious “Is he a good friend?”

“Yes. Yes, he is.” Yoshida said, with a conviction that surprised even him (he’s the best friend I ever had, he didn’t add) “Don’t worry, mum.”

“I’m your mother, Hiro. It’s my job to worry about you.” his mother said, smiling. And there it was the reason he hadn’t told his mother about Denji and the others until now. Because he had been afraid that things would end badly, and he didn’t want his mother to have to deal with her screw-up of a son and his stupid drama again.

But now… Yoshida felt like, maybe this time, things would be different. This time he wanted things to be different.

“I also brought cookies.” Yoshida said, taking from his backpack a plastic bag with some leftover cookies. Denji’s brother had been very insistent that Yoshida took them, and it had seemed rude and potentially dangerous to refuse (Aki could be kind of scary).

“Oh!” his mother tried one of them and hummed “Wow, these are really good.”

“I know right.”

“Denji should have dinner with us.” His mother said, while eating another cookie.

“Ye- Wait what.” Yoshida said. He couldn’t have heard that right.

“Yes, I have a day-off next Friday. You can ask him if he will be able to go then.” His mother said, eating yet another cookie, as if it had been already decided.

“I-Uh, I don’t think that’s a good idea…” Yoshida said, in panic.

“Why not? He’s your friend, isn’t he? I want to meet him. Unless you don’t want me to meet him.” Yoshida’s mother said, giving him that look mother’s always use.

“…Okay.” Yoshida said, no sense in fighting a losing battle. That was fine. He had already gone to Denji’s house. So, there was no problem in Denji doing the same, right? Denji. In his house. Meeting his mom. Yeah. Fine.

What could possibly go wrong?

Chapter Text

Yoshida almost didn’t recognize Denji at first. Okay, he was exaggerating. But Denji was looking very different from normal. He was not wearing his usual wardrobe, instead of his favorite wrinkled jacket or his old jeans he was wearing a white, clean button-up and beige khaki pants, and he had changed his sneakers for dress shoes. And the biggest, most notable change, was that he is usually disheveled hair had been combed and slicked back with a massive amount of hair-gel.

“Um, who are you and what have you done with Denji?” Yoshida said.

“Haha, very funny.” Denji said.

“Dude, what happened to you?” Yoshida said, trying and failing to hide his amusement in his voice.

“Aki happened. ‘Said I had to look ‘presentable’ or whatever.” Denji mumbled. “I know I look horrible.”

“I didn’t say anything.” Yoshida said, innocently.

“It’s in your face.” Denji said, flatly.

“Well, I just think you need a little change here…” Yoshida said, and before he could think he reached and ran his hand on Denji’s hair, until his hair was once again messy.

“Dude, I had to suffer one hour of Aki’s evil hairbrush skill for this.” Denji complained. But weakly, without actually trying anything to stop Yoshida. Who noticed that Denji’s hair was really, really soft. One might even call it fluffy.
Yoshida then realized what he was doing and pulled his hand out like it was fire. He coughed loudly “See? Better now, right?” He said lightly.

Denji passed his hands over his hair, back again in his natural messy state “I guess.” he mumbled. An awkward silence filled the air between them. Oh God, Yoshida had weirded out Denji, hadn’t he?

“Hiro! Did your friend arrive already?” his mother called from inside the apartment.

“Yes! We’re coming.” Yoshida said back, mentally thanking his mother for rescuing him from this situation “Right. Do you want to enter…?” Yoshida said, uncertainly to Denji.

He was half-expecting Denji to run to the elevator, but he just smiled and said “Sure. Lead the way.”

They entered the apartment, and Denji looked around the living room while Yoshida closed the door. The living room wasn’t large, there was the dining table, the sofa, some bookcases and of course, the TV. But the place was lively, full of plant vases, some paintings Yoshida’s mom had made in her free time, old photos of their families and a collection of instruments Yoshida had learned through the years until he discovered his one true love, the guitar (never ask Yoshida about his saxophone phase). It was home, and it showed the signs of being lived in for so many years.

Yoshida’s mom arrived from the kitchen “Oh, hello there!” she said, smiling as she walked to them. Yoshida forced himself to not roll his eyes, but of course his mother noticed and gave him an imperceptible-to-anyone else look.

“H-Hello, ma’am.” Denji said, shaking his mother’s hand “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Yoshida had never heard Denji being this polite in his entire life. It would be funny if Yoshida wasn’t as nervous as Denji.

“Likewise, Denji.” his mother said, “It’s not often that Hirofumi’s brings a friend home.”

More like never, but his mother was too nice to say it like that.

“The dinner’s is ready. Hiro, can you help me set the table?” his mother said, and at Yoshida’s nod she turned to Denji “While we prepare everything, make yourself at home, Denji.”

“Um, okay. Ma’am.” Denji said. While Yoshida followed his mother to the kitchen, he had a short glimpse of Denji standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room, looking like a lost puppy, unsure of what to do.

“He’s cute.” his mother whispered to him once they were in the kitchen.

“Mooooom.” Yoshida groaned “It’s not like that.”

“Okay, okay. I’m just saying” she said, with an amused smile.

Soon they were having dinner – mostly chicken and noodles – and Denji and Yoshida’s mother were talking, Denji seemed to have lost his awkward politeness and was devouring plate after plate with his usual appetite, to his mother’s delight. Yoshida could tell, to his immense relief, that Denji had already won over his mother.

“And that’s how we convinced Kishibe to adopt all the dogs.” Denji said, after finishing another story.

“That’s amazing, dear. I wish our building accepted pets.” his mother said, wistfully “Please, tell me you have pictures of them.”

“Boy, do I!” Denji said, grinning and immediately taking his phone from his pocket. There was a noodle string on his cheek. Yoshida felt something warm on his chest and had to look away.

The rest of the night was uneventful, normal. And yet it was probably the best dinner in Yoshida’s life. No because of the food – his mother cooking was great, don’t get him wrong – but because of the people. Most nights, he and his mother ate in companionable silence – or depending on how shitty the day at school had been, he would eat alone in his room – with him on the phone and his mother with the occasional remark or polite question parents used in situations like these (“How was your day?” “Any trouble with homework?” “Your aunts called”, stuff like that). But having Denji over really made a difference. Him and his mother filled the room with conversation, stories, and laughter, and even Yoshida – who was never one for small talk or things like that – participated, like, a lot. Somehow, Denji fit in the scene perfectly, like, him being there just felt right.

After dinner, it was time to say goodbye.

“Thank you for coming, Denji.” his mother said, “You’re welcome to visit anytime, okay?”

“Thanks for having me.” Denji beamed “I will! Uh, if it’s okay with Yoshida’s, ‘course.”

Yoshida fought down the unexpected (giddy) emotion he felt at the idea of Denji visiting his home often “Duh. Of course, it is.” He said nonchalant “C’mon! I’ll walk you to the entrance.”

Yoshida and Denji left the apartment and walked the corridor to the elevator. Yoshida pressed the button and in a few seconds the elevator arrived, and they entered.

“…Was that, okay? I didn’t freak your mom out, did I?” Denji asked him, nervously fidgeting his hands, while the old elevator lazily descend through the building.

“You’re kidding? She loved you.” Yoshida said, “She’ll be asking me to invite you again all week.”

“You’re really think, so?” Denji said, with a shy smile.

“Of course. You are a very likeable person.” Yoshida said.

“Ha, right.” Denji scoffed.

“I’m serious.” Yoshida said, and when Denji looked at him dubiously, he added “I am, Denji. You are the most endearing, pleasant, kind person I know, and I am really, really grateful that we have met.”

Yoshida was surprised by the sincerity and intensity of his words, but now that he said it, he realized how true they were, and how he would never take them back. In that moment, he didn’t care if he had said something dumb or weird, as long as Denji knew – as long he understood – that there was someone in this vast and lonely and stupid world that appreciated and cherished him. That there was someone who really saw him.

A heavy silence settled in the elevator. Denji was clearly taken back by Yoshida’s words. Surprised, he remained silent, looking at Yoshida with widened eyes. Yoshida waited for his response in a tense, expectant dread.

“… Thank you.” Denji said at last, and he looked away. His voice was small and vulnerable “I… No one ever said something like that to me before.”

Yoshida had no time to think of a reply because the elevator chose that moment to open its doors. “Uh, see you later! Bye, Yoshida.” Denji said, and hastily left the elevator and in record time crossed the lobby and left the building.

“…Bye, Denji.” Yoshida said.

The elevator’s doors closed again.

***********************************************

The next weeks were completely normal.

They seated next to each other during chemistry and physics (the only subjects they had in the same classroom), they spent the break with the others, they hung out in evenings. They played videogames in Denji’s place and watched movies in Yoshida’s. Denji tried to teach him to skate, and Yoshida tried to teach him how to play guitar. Both attempts didn’t end up exactly well, but they had fun, nonetheless. The two of them were closer than ever, spending almost all their time together, and even when they weren’t, they constantly texted and called each other.

Nothing had actually changed. At least nothing obvious. And if it had, neither of them tried to think too much about it. Alongside their newfound closeness, there also came along a kind of distance. Or rather, a hesitancy. An uncertainty, like they were in a fragile peace, a dance on thin ice were any false movement could shatter whatever they had created. Both of them were too scared to do anything to upset the unstable balance they were in. Denji nor Yoshida ever brought up the conversation they had in the elevator, and the other decided that it was better to pretend that it had never happened.

Of course, neither of them could actually forget what happened. Those brief yet sincere words had become a spark, a seed, an acknowledgement of something that was slowly growing, and it would not be able to be ignored forever.

**************************************************

Yoshida was feeling rather nervous about his first sleepover ever. He was also excited, but the nervous part was louder. He knocked on the door of the house, and his irrational fear of getting the address wrong despite having read it over and it over was vanquished when it opened revealing a grinning Beam.

“Yoshida! Hi, dude!” Beam said – or rather, yelled. It didn’t faze Yoshida at all, after almost a whole semester hanging out with Beam, Power, and Yoru his ears where pretty much immune to loud noises.

“Hi.” Yoshida said. It was late evening, the sky still clear and bright and it was starting to get chilly, but he barely noticed.

“Wow, is that your bag?” Beam said, pointing to his green handbag, which was a rather large size “You’re planning to spend the entire weekend here?”

“Oh, no, sorry. I didn’t know what to bring so…” Yoshida started saying.

“Oh, I’m joking! Don’t worry about it.” Beam said, and then with a smile “You should have seen the time Fami brought a microwave!”
Beam made way for Yoshida to enter, and he crossed the door to the living room – Beam’s house was rather spacey and comfortable, there were colored lamps and a rather abundance of bean bags. Yoshida could faintly hear music from deeper into the house.

“Welcome to my house!” Beam said, while closing the door “Make yourself at home, okay?”.

“Okay. Thanks.” Yoshida said, trying to sound genuine – he would never tell anyone how happy getting invited for a sleep over had made him because it was kind of sad and embarrassing – and winced when it came out sarcastic (everything he said sounded sarcastic, he couldn’t help his voice).

Thankfully, Beam didn’t seem to mind and continued to walk him around the house with that big and loud smile of his.

“You’re one of the first to arrive.” Beam said, and then for no reason added “Denji didn’t arrive yet.”

“HM? So what?” Yoshida said. Oh god, if Beam could tell…

“Nothing!” Beam said, failing to sound convincing.

They arrived on another room, this one kind of a game room, it had a big table on the center, a large TV display on one of the walls connected to a game console, a karaoke machine and a bunch of soundboxes, and some sofas here and there. A glass door on the other wall went to a backyard with a pool. “Hey, guys! Yoshida’s here!” Beam yelled.

Yuko and Reze were talking in the table, Yuko seating on the top of table while Reze was absent-minded organizing some board games. They stopped talking to greet him.
“Sup.” Reze said.

“Hey, Yoshida! How are you?” Yuko said.

“I’m good. What are you two doing?” Yoshida asked.

“Trying to decide which games we’re going to play later.” Yuko said.

“I still think we should play War.” Reze said.

“You know damn well why we banned War.” Yuko said, and then turning to Yoshida said, “She and Yoru became impossible when playing that game.”

Reze shrugged “You guys just are sore losers.”

There was a ring from the doorbell and Beam ran to the entrance. Yoshida seated beside Reze and comfortably listened to the banter between her and Yuko.

Soon, Beam came back, Asa, Yoru and Fami. There was of course the excited interchange of greetings and hellos between everyone that Yoshida was starting to get used to.

“Now we only have to wait for the twins.” Reze said, and then looking at Asa and Yoru “Uh. Other twins.”

“Are Denji and Power actually twins, though? I literally can’t tell.” Yuko said.

“They are not twins.” Asa said.

“They are twins in spirit.” Beam said wisely.

“Beam. Where are the snacks?” Fami said, cutting in the conversation.

Beam widened his eyes “Oh, shit. The popcorn!” he yelled and ran to the kitchen.

“Beam, if you’ve burned my popcorn there will be consequences!” Fami called back to Beam, while taking a chocolate bar from her pocket.

“Are you ever not hungry?” Yoshida blurted, to the surprise of everybody. Oh god, why did he say something so rude?

Fami blinked and said, “My stomach is as empty as the void of space.”

There was a pause, and then Fami started giggling – smiling to show that she had not been offended – and soon the others followed, to Yoshida’s relief. Maybe he was getting the hang of this… friendship thing.

It was amazing how much comfortable he felt in the presence of them, in someone’s else house, in the middle of so many other people. People who seemed… happy that he was here. People who he was happy to be with.

Maybe he… really had found friends, after all this time. It was still a new and fragile feeling, but oh, so precious and bright that Yoshida could start crying if he thought too much about it. He didn’t think he deserved it, but now that he had it, he would do anything to keep it and nurture it.

He hadn’t felt this happy and light and safe since… he couldn’t remember.

Beam soon arrived not with popcorn, but with bowls of other snacks, with an apologetic smile “Uh, I will make more popcorn later.”

“Hm.” Fami said, taking one of the bowls “’S fine.”

The conversation followed for some more minutes, with topics ranging to school gossip to the more recent popular shows. And then, another ring of the doorbell came.

“Oh!” Beam said, beaming “Den and Powy are here!”

Yoshida tried to cover up how his throat dried by casually taking a sip from his soda. Okay, Yoshida. Your best friend is here. Please don’t do anything weird. You don’t want to scare or weird him out. Again.

Just be… normal. You can do that, right? It’s just one night.

Don’t ruin this.

***********************************

When Beam had invited them to his house for a sleepover – “My grandparents are visiting some friends and they told me it’s okay to have you guys stay over!” – Denji had been excited. Beam was one of his oldest friends, and they had sleepovers in each other’s house’s innumerable times before.

But this time, he realized later, Yoshida was going to be there. Which obviously wouldn’t be normally a problem, Yoshida was cool and funny and smart. But these past few weeks… Denji had been feeling a little weird, specially towards Yoshida.

He didn’t know exactly when it had started. But now for some reason, he couldn’t stop thinking about Yoshida. Denji would catch himself looking at him from halfway through the room, and if they were sitting close, he would feel the proximity like a physical thing. He would be alone and suddenly think about Yoshida’s dark hair or his deep brown eyes – stuff that had always been there, sure, but only now Denji really paid attention too.

What was happening to him?

He tried really hard not to show it, thought. Last thing Yoshida needed was Denji weirding him out by being a creep. No, Yoshida deserved far better than that.

Still, he was feeling uncharacteristically nervous about the sleep-over. It will fine, Denji thought. Just have fun and don’t be weird, Hayakawa. Or at least, try to be less weird than usual.

“What’s wrong with you?” Power asked, breaking him from his thoughts.

“Sorry?” Denji said. They were walking together to Beam’s house, each carrying bags that Aki had made them pack way too much stuff that was needed for a one-night sleepover.

“You’re acting all… twitchy.” Power said.

“I am?” Denji said “’M fine. Just uh, cold I guess.”

“Right.” Power said, clearly not buying it but also not caring enough to inquiry further. They reached Beam’s house just as the sun was starting to set. Power pressed the doorbell with more force that was necessary, and Denji had to stop her from spamming the button.

“HI GUYS!” Beam greeted.

“HI BEAM!” Power yelled back.

“Hey, man.” Denji said, while he hugged Beam.

“C’mon on in, guys. Everybody else’s already here!” Beam said, gesturing them to the door.

Power ran inside, while Denji and Beam walked together, talking. “Oh, man! I’m actually kind of stressed. Organizing everything for so many people is hard” Beam confessed quietly. Well, quietly for Beam “I hadn’t realized how much the group has grown.”

“Huh. You’re right.” Denji said. In the beginning, it had been only he, Power, and Aki on their school. Then Beam and Reze came along, and then Aki finished school and moved to college. And after that, Yuko, Asa, and Yoru, and Fami. And, more recently… Yoshida.

They arrived in the game room, and Denji and Power were greeted by everyone. “Don’t worry guys, your favorite guy is here!” Denji said, grinning and ignoring the series of groans and eye rolls that he received. He did notice the way Yoshida smirked.

“Aww, thanks Denji!” Power said.

“Wait what –” Denji said.

“Since everybody is here, we can finally start this party!” Reze said, interrupting him. “So! Who wants to play board games?”

The next couple of hours were really fun. They played Monopoly (Fami won), Jenga (Asa won) and UNO (Yoru won). Then they played Just Dance – Denji completely embarrassed himself but so did everybody else, so it was fine – and then they sang some karaoke.

First, Yuko chose some cheesy pop songs that were pretty fun to sing. Then, Denji and Power did a heavy metal duet that was super cool. Beam sang some Disney songs and what he lacked in talent he made it up in emotion. Asa wanted to put some niche indie song but was fortunately overruled. By everyone (except Yuko). And then…

“Okay, guys. Final song.” Reza said. “Who wants to choose?”

“Oh! Yoshida, what about you?” Beam said.

“Huh? Me?” Yoshida said, surprised.”

“Yeah. Since you’re the most recent member of the group, I think it would be if you choose this time!” Beam said.

“Uh, I don’t know…” Yoshida said, uncertain.

“If you want of course!” Beam said, smiling.

Yoshida looked around “Well, if nobody is against it…”

Nobody was. “I think that’s a great idea!” Yuko said. Asa – who was resting her head on Yuko’s head, probably still upset about losing to democracy – grumbled something that might have been agreement.

“You go, Yoshida!” Reze said, giving him a thumbs up.

“I am curious to see what song you will chose.” Fami said.

Yoshida picked up the controller and after a few seconds, chose one of the songs. Paint It Black, Rolling Stones. He was trying to look calm and nonchalant, but Denji knew him enough by now that he was nervous. It was the way he tapped his foot, and kept fiddling with the microphone, or how he couldn’t stop to move his shoulders.

“Uh, Does anyone else want to go too?” Yoshida said.

“Me! I love this song.” Yoru said, rising from the sofa. She picked a second microphone and stood next to Yoshida.

Yoshida looked in Denji’s direction and Denji gave him an encouragingly smile. Yoshida’s eyes wrinkled and seemed to relax, and Denji felt his heart leap and his chest warm up a little.

And then the song started, and Yoshida started singing. It wasn’t the first time Denji had heard him sing, when he visited Yoshida’s house, he would often sing to accompany his guitar. But it was only known that he realized how good Yoshida was. Like, really good. Yoshida started off a little awkward but soon he seemed to forget the rest of the world around him, and there was only the song. His voice was deep and scratchy and real. Denji was completely mesmerized by Yoshida’s and his voice, barely noticing Yoru’s contribution to the karaoke. Denji could have spent the rest of his life just watching Yoshida sing.

And then the song ended, and as the music faded, Yoshida stood there, breathing heavily and his face covered in sweat. He blinked, seeming to come back to himself. He looked around and saw everybody looking at him. “Uh. The song ended.” he said, awkwardly.

Everybody started clapping. “That was so cool!” Beam said. “That was awesome!” Yuko said. Reze whistled. Denji was too dumbfounded to do anything.

Yoshida looked down with a self-conscious expression, but also with a small, bright, beautiful, proud smile.

“Thanks, guys.” Yoshida said, quietly.

************************************

The air outside was chilly and clean. Yoshida was seated in the edge of the backyard pool, hugging his legs. He was looking at the deep, dark-blue sky. The moon was half-covered in dark clouds, and the sounds of wind and insects and the occasional passing car filled the ambient.

He heard when the glass door to the game room was opened and then quickly closed again. Yoshida didn’t even have to look to know who was.

“Hey, Yoshida. Everything, okay?” Denji said.

“Yeah. Just needed a bit of space.” Yoshida said. The whole evening had been fun, but also a bit of overwhelming, specially the karaoke part. He was feeling a little exhausted from all that.

“Okay.” Denji said “Ah, the others are ordering pizza.”

“Hmm. Nice.” Yoshida said.

“Yeah.” Denji said, awkwardly “Uh, do you mind if I stay or…”

So, here’s the thing. For the entire party, Yoshida had tried to spend time with Denji at the same while maintaining a proper distance. Which was a really hard thing to pull off. He didn’t want to look like he was avoiding Denji – God no, that would hurt Denji and the last thing Yoshida wanted to do was hurt him – but he didn’t particularly seek after Denji. When Denji talked to him, Yoshida would answer, and he would try to include Denji in any conversation he was having. But that was it. The rest of the time, he would be talking to someone else, or too busy in the game to be noticed. Yoshida wasn’t hiding from Denji. But with a friend group so big as theirs, there was always some excuse to find so that his attention would be on someone or something other than Denji.

It was torture of course. Being where Denji couldn’t see him hurt almost as much as being where he could.

“It’s fine.” Yoshida said. It was a stupid thing to say, a foolish risk to take after everything, but right at that moment, Yoshida was too selfish to do the smart thing.

Denji seemed relieved though, and he took his sandals off and seated next to Yoshida, putting his feet lightly on the pool water.

There was a silence in air, the cold wind and the night sky and the faint pool lights between them. A tiny but giant distance, especially considering the burning warmth that radiated from Denji against the chilly night. The weighty silence was suddenly broken by Denji’s humming.

“…Are you humming my song?” Yoshida said, amused.

“Heck yeah, I am!” Denji said, grinning “You were amazing in there, Yoshida. I’m going to have that song stuck in my head for days.”

Yoshida felt a swell of joy in his chest at the same time of a painful tug in his heart “I’m glad you liked.” he managed to say.

Because in that moment, in that pool, under the glimmer of moonlight, he couldn’t deny the truth. Hirofumi Yoshida was in love with his best friend.

And he could never let Denji discover it.

“Hey, Yoshida…” Denji started to say, something in his voice raising alarm bells on his head, and Yoshida tensed.

Fortunately, they were interrupted by Beam, who unexpectedly, opened the door to the backyard, yelling. “GUYS! THE PIZZA IS HERE.”

Yoshida internally blessed Beam and stood up “You heard the man. Let’s go.”

Denji gave him an awkward smile “It’s pizza time.” He said weakly. Something about it bothered Yoshida, but he pretended he didn’t see it.

Inside it was, as usual, a mess. Yoru and Power were fighting over pizza slices, Fami was berating Beam on the “right” way to cut a pizza, Asa and Yuko were nowhere on sight, and Reze had produced headphones from thin air and was blasting loud music from it.

Yoshida felt something inside him ease a little at the sight of his friends, maybe he could get used to this. What right had he of even thinking about more than this? This was far better than what he deserved already.

After the quick break he got and a dinner full of pizza, Yoshida felt like he had properly recharged. Now everybody was hazardously dispersed across the two sofas on the living room and arguing about what movie to watch. Except for Beam, who was on the kitchen, making popcorn, and Fami who was “supervising”, in her words.

“We’re not watching Kung Fu Panda.” Reze said.

“Why not? It’s an amazing movie!” Yuko said.

“Yeah, the fight scenes are awesome!” Yoru said.

“We already watched Kung Fu Panda. Five times!” Reze said, exasperated.

“I still think we should Spider-Man.” Denji said.

“Spider-Man is forbidden in movie nights because we can never settle on one to watch.” Yuko said.

“Well, Tobey’s Maguire is the best one.” Denji said.

“Excuse me? Andrew Garfield’s is the best Peter Parker!” Asa said.

“Guys, no, we’ve been over this...” Reze tried to say, but it was too late, and Denji and Asa entered a heated argument that quickly turned into a full-on pillow fight. There were no sides, no alliances. Only war.

When Beam and Fami arrived with the popcorn, there were pillows everywhere. Power was standing in one the sofas, the last survivor and champion of the pillow war. Yoshida – who was laying in the floor, alongside some of the others – was laughing so hard that his stomach hurt.

“Aww, man. I lost the fight.” Beam lamented.

“Did you guys pick a movie already?” Fami asked, munching on popcorn.

*********************************

After the movie, it was time to call it a day. It had been a fun, but long day, and Denji was seconds away from falling asleep on his feet. Asa, Yoru, Fami, Yuko and Reze went to the guest bedroom, while Denji, Yoshida, Power, and Beam stayed at Beam’s room. Power raced to the upper bunk-bed – something that Aki would have disapproved if he was here – and Beam chose the one underneath, the one that was, well, his bed. Denji and Yoshida had two spare mattresses on the floor to use. Which normally wouldn’t be a probably, Denji used to sleep on way worse conditions, but it was kind of awkward since it meant that he would have to sleep next to Yoshida. Like, really close. Like, if Denji stretched his fingers he would touch Yoshida’s back close.

Beam and Power had already fallen asleep, and both of their snores would have been enough to drive anyone else mad, but Denji was pretty used to it, and Yoshida apparently was just built different. It was dark, the only lightning in the room was the very faint soft light from Power’s portable lamp – she had a very bad case of fear of the dark, though she was getting better and also, she would kill him if he ever mentioned it, and of course he never did – making it that Denji could just so make out Yoshida’s silhouette in the darkness.

“Hey, Yoshida.” Denji whispered. Yoshida turned to him, shifting the covers. “Are you awake?”

“Yes.” Yoshida answered. Denji couldn’t see it, but he could feel his eyes on him. He could also feel his breathing “What is it?”

Denji hesitated. He had noticed that Yoshida had acted a bit strange during the day, but he didn’t know how exactly. But thinking about it, Denji realized that he was the one who had been acting strange. Specially around Yoshida. Glancing at him all the time, thinking about him for no reason, feeling happy or excited every time he was near, missing his voice or his smiles when he wasn’t… If he really thought about it, Denji had been feeling this kind of stuff for a while now, ever since… Ever since the first day Denji went to Yoshida’s house…

Oh.

It was like getting struck by lightning. It was like being plunged into a cold river.

“Denji?” Yoshida whispered, voice soft and concerned. Denji realized he had stayed quiet for too long.

“It’s nothing. Sorry.” Denji whispered. He shifted in the mattress, turning his back to Yoshida “Good night.”

Denji liked Yoshida.

“Good night, Denji.” Yoshida whispered back, after a moment. Denji barely heard it through the loud, frantic beating of his own heart. He closed his eyes and tried his best to ignore it.

It didn’t work.

Chapter Text

It was exams season and, ironically, it was kind of a blessing. All of the studying and prepping for the exams was a great distraction from Yoshida’s problems. Reading books and doing math problems until his brain fried was a good way to not think about… stuff.

“Hiro?” his mom called, knocking on the door. Yoshida barely glanced from his notebook. He was seating on his desk, full of books and notes and exercise pages, and a lot of energy drinks. It was a mess. Like his life.

“Hey, mom.” Yoshida said, “I’m studying.”

His mother glanced around the room “You have been studying for while now.” she said, worried.

“Well, I do have a lot of exams this week…” Yoshida said.

“Yes. But you should take a break every once in a while.” she said “Maybe play guitar. Or visit your friends?”

“Everybody’s busy studying too,” Yoshida said, perhaps a little too quickly. It was true. He wasn’t avoiding anyone. Yoshida was just… busy. That’s all.

His mother was still looking worried, and so, before she said anything more, he relented “Alright, mum. I will take a break.” Yoshida said. He got up from his chair, and when he stretched, he heard several bones pop “Ouch. You might have a point.” He said, grimacing.

His mother chuckled “I told you. Well, yell if you need anything.” She said, and as Yoshida nodded, she started to leave the room. Before though, she looked back at him “And Hiro? If anything is upsetting you, you know you can talk to me, right?”

“I know, mum.” Yoshida said, “I’m fine, just stressed about the exams.”

His mother pursued her lips, but she nodded and left his room. Yoshida looked around, searching for something to distract himself during his break. Videogames? No, he and Denji still had to finish War Robot 3. Watch a movie? No, all the movies he had on his watchlist had been recommended by Denji. Play guitar?

He sat on his bed and picked up his guitar. He tried playing it but found he couldn’t concentrate. No matter how much he tried not to, he ended up thinking about Denji.

Yoshida put his guitar aside in frustration and laid back in his bed. “Why I’m like this?” he groaned. He had accepted that he had a crush on Denji, and he had accepted that his feelings would never be reciprocated. Just being part of Denji’s life was already enough for him.

Then why it still hurt so much?

He tried not to think about it or to move on, but he couldn’t. It was like his heart was a masochist. Being around Denji hurt but avoiding him hurt too. What was Yoshida supposed to do then?

Yoshida closed his eyes, sighing. A nap. He could take a nap. It wouldn’t solve his problems, but it was better than nothing.

*******************************

Denji and Power had to spend the entire Sunday studying for their exams. It was torture. They tried using Kishibe’s glasses to get a boost in intelligence, but it didn’t seem to work.

Now it was dinner time, and Denji and Power sat without a word on the table. Power was so exhausted she didn’t even complain about the vegetables.

“My brain feels like mush.” complained Denji.

“Urghhh…” Power said.

Aki smirked “Just wait until you get in college.”

“Ha! You grown ups are losers.” Nayuta said.

“You aren’t going to stay young forever, kid.” Kishibe said.

“Lies! I will never grow up!” Nayuta said, confidently.

“That’s right, you will always be the shortest one.” Denji said, nodding.

“That’s, that’s not what I meant!” Nayuta said.

“Ha! Shortie!” Power said.

“That’s bullying! Aki, do something!” Nayuta said.

Aki coughed “Actually, I have an announcement to make.”

He looked almost nervous. Which was something Denji rarely saw.

When Aki stayed silent, Kishibe said “Well? Spit it out already, kid.”

“I…. Um…” Aki said, and then after visible effort “I’m dating someone.

Aki blushed. Aki actually blushed

“What the fuck.” Denji blurted out.

“Ewww.” Nayuta said at the same time.

Power broke out on laughter.

“Denji, language!” Aki said, but it wasn’t as commanding as normal.

“Wait, wait. You’re actually serious? How the hell did that happen?” Denji said. The thought of Aki dating anyone was almost incomprehensible. His brother had never talked about his love life – or lack of – before.

“Are they hot?” Power asked immediately.

“Alright, alright. Leave Aki alone.” Kishibe said. Aki looked he was regretting all his life choices “I’m happy for you, kid.”

“Thanks.” Aki mumbled. After gathering himself he continued “But yes, I thought I should let you know.”

Denji made a quick countdown of all Aki’s friends he knew “Is it one of your college buddies?” Denji asked. Probably. Aki’s college classmates were like, his only social circle.

Whoever, it appeared Denji’s was wrong “Actually, no. His name’s Angel and he is a musician.” Aki said with a soft smile. Denji was even more surprised; he had never seen Aki like this. It was weird, but also really cool. He happily listened to his brother’s short story about how he had met Angel and how they had ended up dating (it was quite a story, even with Aki’s horrible storytelling talents).

Denji felt really happy for Aki. His brother was a pain in the ass sometimes, but he also was the best person ever.

That didn’t stop him from feeling a bit of jealously… For reasons he decided not to examine very close.

Aki talked a bit more about Angel, and after that the topic of conversations shifted to Kishibe’s stories about his work or Nayuta talking about what she had learned in school that day.

After dinner, Power and Nayuta were watching a movie in the living room, while Kishibe snored on the couch. Aki retreated to his bedroom to sleep early – Power frequently joked that he was an old man in spirit – and Denji went to his own room to read manga. Or trying to.

He was seating on his bed, with a sleepy Pochita on his lap. He couldn’t concentrate on what he was reading. After the sleepover, Denji had been extremely confused and scared. He liked Yoshida. Or maybe he thought he did. Well, obviously he liked Yoshida – he was one of his best friends after all, but he did he like like Yoshida? Denji had never liked another guy before. He had been half-asleep when he had his realization. Maybe what he felt for Yoshida was just platonic friendship between two guys and his brain had just confused things?

When he woke up, around noon, Yoshida – and most of the others – had already left Beam’s house. Denji had always woken up late. He didn’t know if this time it a blessing or a curse had been. He had no idea what he would have said to Yoshida that morning.

And so, in the following weekend Denji had an entire crisis, trying to figure out what the hell were his feelings on Yoshida.

Any notion that he had that his feelings might been platonic, or friendship shattered the following Monday. As soon as Denji saw Yoshida, seating on his usual spot on the classroom, looking out at the window, listening to music on his headphones, his heart leaped, and Denji just knew with absolute certainty that he indeed liked Yoshida.

Shit.

It was really hard not to show. Denji had forgotten how having a crush felt like. Instead of paying attention to class he would steal glances to Yoshida. When they were hanging out Denji felt on edge all the time, caught between wanting to Yoshida to notice him and dreading if that did happen. Denji had plenty of crushes over the years, but he never had one this intense. Or painful.

And the worst part was that Denji could tell there was a growing distance between him and Yoshida. They didn’t hang out as much as they did, and when they did talk it was generally when the whole group was around, and it never strayed into anything deeper than pleasantries. Denji hated it, but he himself didn’t dare try anything to change it. What if Yoshida had somehow figured it out that Denji liked him and that’s the reason for their growing apart? What if that was Yoshida’s way to spare him from an explicit rejection? Or what if it hadn’t anything to do with that and Denji had simply done something to fuck up their friendship, and Yoshida was simply too nice to say anything about it? Which would be worse?

“Oh, Pochita.” Denji said, “What am I going to do?”

Pochita only rumbled (the dog version of a purr) and snuggled closer to him. Denji smiled, mood lifted a little, and gave him an ear rub “Thanks, buddy.”

**********************************

“We did it, guys. We survived exams season!” Yuko said, proudly.

“Speak for yourself. I feel like I died inside.” Denji mumbled. He definitely bombed at least two tests. Maybe if he had asked for Yoshida for help—Nope. Stopping that thought right there.

“Same.” Beam said.

“Oh, c’mon guys. Let’s try not to be so negative, okay? We didn’t even get the test results yet!” Yuko said.

“I don’t need the results to know I got a zero.” Yoru said, grumpily.

They were back on the rooftop, and everybody was tired after a full week of exams. To Denji the fact that they still had a few weeks of normal classes before summer break even after all the exams was pretty messed up.

“Okay, it seems our group need a break.” Reze said “Who wants to go the shopping?”

“Why? I’d rather stay at home.” Asa said.

“Same here.” Yoshida said.

“C’mon, it’s been ages since we went anywhere.” Reze said “Besides, there’s a new Assassin Detective movie coming out.”

“Oh, I love those movies!” Beam said.

“Action scenes and tons of explosions!” Power agreed.

“Hm. Still not convinced.” Asa said.

“We can go to the bookstore after.” Yuko said.

“Okay. Fine.” Asa said.

“What you say, Yoshida?” Reze said.

Denji felt his heart flutter. For a second, it seemed Yoshida was looking at him, but it was so quick he couldn’t be certain “…Sure. Sounds fun.” Yoshida said.

“Yeah! Let’s go!” Beam said.

Denji felt a mix of hope and dread at the prospect of watching a movie with Yoshida. It would be fine. Just because he had a crush on Yoshida didn’t mean he couldn’t function normally around him. Just watch a movie together. They had done that already a bunch times. The fact that he now knew he had a crush on his friend didn’t change anything. Nope. Nothing at all.

****************************************

Yoshida arrived at the shopping center early. He just couldn’t help it. Specially considering they were going to watch a movie. What if all of the tickets ran out before everybody got there? That’s way Yoshida preferred watching movies at home.

Still, staying alone in a busy place like the shopping center filled with strangers for a long time wasn’t very appealing. Luckily for him, as soon as he walked into the shopping center, he saw some of his friends. Asa and Yuko were talking, looking around the front of a store. He made his way to them without a second thought, and almost wasn’t surprised by it. Yoshida now was pretty used to having friends, and wasn’t that something great?

“Seems I am not the only who arrived early.” Yoshida said.

“Yoshida, hi!” Yuko greeted him cheerfully “Yeah, you know how Asa is.”

“What if all the tickets run out?” grumbled Asa. She sounded… annoyed? Did Yoshida do something to upset her?

“Is Yoru or anyone else here…?” Yoshida asked, looking around. Asa’s frown got deeper.

“Nope, just us.” Yuko said, “Asa said Yoru would rather arrive with everyone else.”

Yoshida looked at Asa, who just avoided his eyes and shrugged. Suddenly, it made sense. Even someone with zero social skills like him could see it.

“Ah, okay.” Yoshida said, suddenly awkward “Um… I’ll leave you guys to it, then.”

Yuko just looked at him confused “Um? But you just got here?”

“Yes, but I wanted to take a look at the videogame store. I’ll catch up with you guys.” Yoshida said.

“Oh, okay…” Yuko said, “If you find anyone else, let’s met at the cinema, alright?”

“Understood.” Yoshida said, making the world’s awkward finger guns. God, Denji was a bad influence…

Yoshida left to give the two of them, and he did not miss Asa’s look of gratitude to him. He even gave her a conspiratorial wink, something Yoshida of the past would never have done. That made him smile.

Asa and Yuko, huh? Well, Yoshida didn’t know a lot about relationships and that kind of stuff – obviously – but he thought the two would make a good couple. Since he had met them the two of them were already pretty close. He was happy for them.

Still, Yoshida couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. He wished he and Denji could… No, stop. Thinking about it wouldn’t change anything, it would just make it hurt more.

Yoshida mindlessly wandered the shopping, focusing on walking and not thinking about his emotions. He was there to watch a movie with his friends, he would not his stupid feelings ruin his evening.

Yoshida eventually found the videogame store and went to a quiet spot to calm down. He seated on a small chair and sighed. He thought he was getting better at this. He looked around, not really feeling like browsing through the store anymore. He had already way too many to-be-played games anyway. He decided to just relax a bit and wait for the rest of his friends to arrive.

Humming along to the music of the store, Yoshida pulled his phone. There was still a good one hour and half before the movie. He went to check his messages. The group chat, as always, was pure chaos. Yoshida smiled while he read through all the fights, memes, and jokes. It seemed everybody was on the move to the shopping now – except Beam who had managed to get lost and had arrived somehow at a different cinema.

Yoshida breathed a little easier now, knowing his friends would be there for him no matter was really good. He put on his trusty earphones and listened to some music. Something a lit bit more heavy metal than the chill store music. He just closed his eyes and felt the music…

“Yoshida?” a voice called him.

Yoshida snapped his eyes open, a bit disoriented. What…?

Denji was standing in front of him, gently tapping him on the shoulder.

Yoshida blinked, first taking in account of the stiffness on his neck, then in the bit of drool on the side of his mouth and then the music on his phone. It was not the song he had put first.

“What happened?” Yoshida asked.

Denji grinned “I think you were napping, man.”

It was then Yoshida’s brain started working again and then he realized that Denji was right in front of him. He jolted upright, blushing furiously. He quickly wiped his mouth with shirt hand, desperately hoping Denji hadn’t noticed the drool. And then he remembered what the reason he had come here in the first place “The movie!” he exclaimed “Did I miss it?!”

“Relax, Hiro.” Denji said “We still have like, fifteen minutes. And we already bought your ticket.”

“Really?” Yoshida said, stopping for a moment “You guys didn’t need to...”

Denji rolled his eyes “Please, dude. That’s just what friends do.” he said “When you didn’t appear and weren’t answering your texts, everybody was worried for you. Thankfully, Yuko said you were had went to the videogame store?”

Yoshida nodded.

“Well, dumbass. I’m glad I found you this time. Do you have any idea how many videogames stores this shitty shopping has?” Denji said.

Yoshida put a hand on his face “I am. So sorry.”

“Hey, now. It’s nothing. You saw me sleeping in class enough to now I not going to hold it out against you.” Denji said.

Yoshida sighed “Still. I can’t believe I napped in the middle of the store. If you could die from embarrassment… Honestly, I could have been kidnapped or something.”

Denji smiled wryly “That’s what Beam thought happened to you. Be warned, he won’t leave your side the rest of the evening.”

Yoshida returned the smile “Well, thanks for the warning.”

There was a pause. Yoshida realized this had been the first time he and Denji talked – really talked – without it being awkward or forced. Denji must have realized it, for he also paused. That realization broke the spell. Yoshida’s mind suddenly went blank. Denji stared at him, waiting. The air seemed to become heavier. Neither of them moved.

“We should go see the others then,” blurted out Yoshida before he could think “Don’t want to miss the movie, right.”

“…Yeah. You’re right,” Denji said after a moment. His voice was neutral, and his expression was unreadable. It was completely off-character from Denji, and something inside of Yoshida twisted at the sight of it. Denji took a movie ticket from his pocket and gave to him. “Here.”

Denji walked away from him, and Yoshida stared numbly at his ticket. “Let’s go,” Denji called.

Yoshida followed Denji, cursing himself internally. He didn’t know how, but he knew he had messed up.

************************

As soon as they arrived, Beam had crushed Yoshida in a bear hug.

“Yoshida! You’re alive!” cried Beam.

“Yeah, big guy.” Yoshida said.

“What happened?” Yuko said. She looked to Denji, but he pointedly only stared at his phone.

“I-uhm-I fell asleep.” Yoshida said, embarrassed. Beam was still hugging him, and Yoshida’s feet weren’t even toughing the ground now “Sorry for worrying you guys.”

Power laughed “Oh, man. Really? You were taking a nap on the middle of the shopping? Man, Yoshida. You’re my new favorite person.”

“Again. Sorry.” Yoshida said, “You can put me down now, buddy.”

Beam sniffed “Okay. But please never disappear again.”

“Guys, I hate to interrupt this heartwarming reunion, but the line just opened. We really should get going now.” Yoru said.

“But Yoshida still hasn’t bought his popcorn.” Beam said.

“It’s fine. It’s my fault I’m late and I’m not really hungry…” Yoshida started but was interrupted when Fami shoved one of her popcorns (she was carrying two plastic bags filled with snack and soda) into his arms.

“Here,” Fami said.

Everybody stared at her.

“You’re sure…?” Yoshida said. He was holding the popcorn bag like someone had just handed him a priceless painting. Or a nuclear bomb.

Fami shrugged “You owe me one.”

Yoshida smiled “Okay,” he said softly.

Everybody started entering the movie theater. Denji stayed a bit behind, though. He suddenly wasn’t feeling like watching a movie. Or doing anything at all.

No one noticed anything odd, except Reze.

“Den? Everything okay?” she asked him quietly.

Denji nodded and tried to smile “Yeah, Z. Everything’s great, why?”

Reze gave him an unconvinced look but luckily didn’t press it further. “If you say so.” she said, and joined the other, still giving a worried look.

Denji sighed internally. He just needed to keep his shit together until the movie ended. It couldn’t be that hard.

Numbly, Denji followed everybody to room 5. He sat on his seat – E7, right next to Power… And Yoshida. Right, just his fucking luck.

People started to occupy the room. It took a painfully slow time for the lights to go out and the movie – well, the trailers – to start. Denji was aware of Yoshida the whole time. This time it wasn’t pleasant. He felt numb, only vaguely aware of the mess that were his feelings deep down.

For the last weeks he hadn’t known what to do with his feelings for Yoshida. But now, Denji had realized something else for the first time. It was fucking obvious, and it only proved Denji’s stupidity that he had not realized it before. Because, sure, Denji had feelings for Yoshida.

But there was no way in hell Yoshida would ever feel the same about him.

The next two hours of the movie were terribly long.

Chapter Text

Yoshida could tell something was wrong with Denji. It wasn’t obvious, he still made jokes and slept in class, but Yoshida knew Denji enough to know that this past week something was bothering him. Denji was a lot quieter than usual; he didn’t hang out with the others as much as usual, and he just looked… off. Guarded. His face often locked on a neutral expression that just seemed wrong on Denji, someone who was normally so lively and energetic and expressive.

Yoshida wanted to ask him what was wrong, but he was pretty sure he was the problem, or at least part of it. Denji didn’t outright avoid him, but Yoshida could see how tense or cold Denji got when talking to him.

It hurt more than Yoshida wanted to admit. Yoshida didn’t know how he had managed to ruin his friendship with Denji, but he wasn’t surprised. It was his fault; he had made things weird and awkward and now Denji didn’t want to be near him anymore. Classic Yoshida.

Had Denji figure it out? Had Yoshida not been good enough at hiding his feelings? Had he scared or grossed out Denji? Or was it something else entirely, something Yoshida had done or said that he hadn’t even noticed? He honestly did not know which one was worse.

Yoshida was laying on his bed, listening to music on maximum music. It was the last week of school, soon it would be summer break. But Yoshida wasn’t feeling all that excited for it this time.

It was then he received a message. His heart leaped and he grabbed his phone with an embarrassing speed. Yoshida then saw from who the message was.

It was Yuko.

Yoshida felt an immense disappointment. And then he felt foolish for doing so. Of course it wouldn’t be Denji.

“God, I am pathetic.” Yoshida sighed and started to read Yuko’s message.

yk: Hey, Yoshida! Are you free now? :D

For a brief moment, Yoshida considered lying. Part of him just wanted to hide in his room and listen to sad songs.

That part of him was stupid. He wasn’t the same Yoshida he was at the beginning of the year. He wasn’t going to let his stupid feelings control him all of the time.

Besides, he had already ruined his friendship with Denji. No need to ruin another one.

yoshi: Yeah I’m free

yoshi: what’s up?

yk: Do you want to come to my house? Asa, Yoru and Fami are here too!

yk: we’re baking cookies ^-^

Yoshida paused. To him, getting invited to a friend’s house was kind of a big deal. After a life of loneliness, he still couldn’t fully understand all the friendship he received from his friends. But he still hesitated a little.

yoshi: it’s only you three there?

He really had no energy for a whole group gathering. Specially if Denji would be there too. Yoshida would just ruin everything for everyone else.

yk: yep! only us

yk: cool kids only (sunglasses emoji)

Yoshida smirked.

yoshi: you had me at “cookies”

**************************

Meanwhile across the town, Denji was laying on his bed, looking at the ceiling. Loud sad rock music was blasting from his phone, next to his pillow.

It was over. As always, Denji had fucked up. He should’ve been content with how things were, but Denji had to ruin their friendship. Yoshida was avoiding him – he probably realized how much of a loser and a freak Denji was, something he had always known deep down but desperately hoped Yoshida wouldn’t noticed. But know he had.

“Oh my god.” groaned Power.

Denji barely glanced in her direction. She was standing at his bedroom’s door, looking at him with an expression of pure disgust… or maybe that was just her normal face when looking at him. It was hard to tell with his sister.

“What do you want?” Denji mumbled.

“That’s pathetic even for you, Deji.” Power said.

“Fuck off,” Denji said, weakly.

Power however continued standing there. “You know what? I can’t stand this any longer. You’ve been moping for the last week!”

“M’not.” Denji mumbled.

Power crossed his room quickly and without any words of warning, started to pull him from his bed.

“Hey! What the hell, Po—” Denji tried to protest, but his sister was surprisingly strong for her appearance, and she managed to drop onto the floor. “Ouch!”

“We’re going out.” Power decided, like it was an indisputable fact, and he had no choice in the matter “I’m calling Reze and Beam, and we’re going to the skateboarding park.”

“No.” grumbled Denji, slowly rising from the floor “I don’t want to.”

Powe huffed “I will drag you if I have to,” she threatened.

Denji only crossed his arms and raised his head.

Surprisingly, Power did not to do anything. She only lowered her head, sighing “I’m just worried about you, Den. I hate seeing you like this.”

Denji was taken aback. Power had never, ever, said anything like that to him.

“Power, I…” Denji started to say, suddenly feeling like an idiot.

“Can we just go skateboarding already, or whatever?” Power said, crossing her arms, avoiding his gaze.

“…Okay.” Denji said, “I guess going out would be nice.”

********************************

Baking was way more complicated than it looked. Yoshida was glad the others were there because he was pretty sure that he would have burned down the kitchen if he were alone. But in the end, they managed to make an entire batch of without so much as a single burnt cookie.

Yoshida’s clothes were covered in flour, but he didn’t care. He and the others were seating on a table in Yuko’s kitchen, eating the cookies they had made. They weren’t the best thing Yoshida had ever had but somehow the fact that he had helped make the cookies made them way tastier.

“These turned really good.” Fami said, nodding.

“Yeah. I wish I could survive only on cookies.” Asa said.

“You could, if you weren’t a coward.” Yoru said.

Yoshida listened to the usual banter between his friends with a smile. He hadn’t felt this great in ages. He wasn’t over his problems or anything, but he was feeling much better now. His head was clearer, and now it didn’t feel like the world was ending anymore. Yoshida felt like he could try to… well, do something about it.

“Thanks, Yuko.” he said quietly to his friend “I needed this.”

Yuko smiled and nudged him with her elbow “Anytime, Yoshida.”

After the cookies ended, they cleaned and organized the kitchen. The girls wanted to watch a movie, but Yoshida was starting to feel tired and decided that it was better to say goodbye to everybody and go home. Yuko walked him to the buildings’ exit.

They were outside the building; the sun was starting to set, and the street was empty save for the occasional dog walker.

“Well, see you soon.” Yoshida said “Again, thanks for inviting me.”

“Of course.” Yuko said. Then she hesitated “Uhm, Yoshida?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to talk?” Yuko asked.

“What?” Yoshida said.

“Well, is just that, these last weeks you’ve been acting… odd? Like something was bothering you?” Yuko said, and quickly said “I’m not prying or anything! You don’t need to talk if you don’t want to!”

For an instant, Yoshida thought about refusing, not saying anything. Just say “I’m fine” and brush it off. That would be what he would have done. But he was different now. His friend was offering to listen, and Yoshida realized that he had no real reason to refuse. He trusted Yuko, he realized. A lot. And he didn’t want to continue feeling like this, like his feelings would eat him from the inside out. Maybe if he talked about… things would be easier to bear?

“Okay,” Yoshida said softly.

Yuko seemed at the same time surprised and relieved. Yoshida was surprised too.

“Oh! Okay.” Yuko said. And then they both stood there awkwardly, just looking at each other.

“Do you…,”

“So…”

They stopped, and then they started laughing. Well, Yuko did. Yoshida did more of a reserved chuckle.

“Okay,” Yuko said “C’mon, there’s a bench over there we can use.”

Yoshida, feeling much lighter, followed her. They seated in the bench. The air was clean and a little chilly. Yoshida breathed in and then out. He had no idea how to even begin. Talking about his feelings was not something he did often. Or like, ever.

“…I like Denji.” Yoshida said, finally.

He could not believe he had actually said it out loud. The truth. His biggest secret. He tensed, waiting. When nothing happened, he looked at Yuko with dread. However, she didn’t give him the reaction he was expecting.

“Oh. Okay.” Yuko said.

“Okay?” Yoshida said, turning to her “That’s it?”

“What do you mean?” Yuko said, tilting her head.

“It’s just not… the reaction I was expecting.” Yoshida said, awkwardly. Dreading, more like it.

Yuko smirked “Yoshida, I have a girlfriend.”

“I know, I know! It’s just, I-uh,” Yoshida groaned “Sorry. This is just…”

“Difficult?” Yuko said, with an understanding smile.

Yoshida sighed “Yeah. Never – I never talked with someone about this kind of stuff…” The closest thing had been when his mother had given him The Talk (trademark), which was as awkward and helpful as you can imagine.

Besides, Yoshida realized that he had never any crushes on anyone before. Sure, he had known he liked guys for a while now. But before Denji he had never… fallen in love.

And that was the problem, wasn’t it?

“I think I love him.” Yoshida said, softly “And I don’t know what to do.”

Yoshida looked at his friend, who had a concerned look on her face. “I’m terrified, Yuko.” he said, “I don’t want to lose him.”

**********************

Spending the evening practicing his skateboarding skills had been a good distraction. It has been a while since he and the others went to the skateboard park, and it had been both fun and refreshing to came back. He had a lot of good memories from this place.

And scratches too. Or battle scars as he liked to call them. He had lost count of how many fingers or bones he and Powy had broken there through the years (Aki hadn’t. The freak had maintained a list).

Now he was taking a break. Seating in one of the benches, his trusty skateboard with a chainsaw painted on it by his side, watching Power and Beam continuing to do (or try to) some maneuvers. Those two had an apparent infinite supply of energy. You could probably power the entire city with them.

Then Reze walked to the bench, holding her skateboard – bomb themed obviously – and two water bottles on her free one, and seated next to him. “Here,” she said, giving him one of the bottles.

“Thanks, Z.” Denji said. He took a long sip from the bottle “Ah. That’s better.”

“So…” Reze said “You want to tell me what’s wrong?”

“Wrong? What’s wrong? Nothing’s wrong!” Denji said, panicking.

Reze gave him a flat stare.

“Denji, you’re my oldest friend. We dated for an entire year. I can tell when something is bothering you.” Reze said “Power and Beam are worried about you too.”

“Oh God. Even Beam noticed?” Denji groaned.

Reze’s smirked “I mean, acting has never been your strong suit. Remember when you puked during that school play on eighth grade?”

“You never going to let that go, are you?” Denji said, wincing.

“Nope!” Reze said, cheerily. Then she poked him in the arm “Now, stop changing the subject and talk about your feelings.”

“But you were the one who—” Denji tried but then Reze poked him again “Okay, okay! Geez.”

Denji frowned. He supposed he could tell Reze. Everybody always said that talking about your feelings helped, right? But Denji wasn’t really used to the idea. Aki had never been the talkative talk (though he was the most sensitive and emotional of the family), Power solution with any problem was shouting and/or throwing things at it until it stops it, and Kishibe… well, Denji had known his parent for years now and still most of Kishibe’s past before he had adopted them was a mystery.

Denji wasn’t much better, he supposed. Generally, when something bothered him, he just ignored it until it went away, or he forgot about it. And he never, ever, talked about his life before the Hayakawa’s. Not to Aki, not to Power, and not to his friends. Somethings were better left buried.

But this wasn’t one of them. He didn’t want to forget or ignore his feelings for Yoshida.

Denji breathed in and gathered his courage. He could do it.

“I… I think I like Yoshida.” Denji said.

“Yeah, I know.” Reze said.

What.

“WHAT?!”

“Well, it was kind of obvious.” Reze said.

“What do you mean obvious?!” Denji exclaimed.

“Well, I mean. Since you met him you two had been practically inseparable. And you talk about Yoshida all the time. Like, all the time. And you should see the look on your face when you see him...” Reze trailed off.

Denji stared at her, dumbfounded.

“… I’m not helping, I’m I?” Reze said.

“Y-You don’t think he noticed, right?!” Denji said, a heavy panic settling in his chest.

“Oh, no. I really doubt it.” Reze said, quickly “Seriously. I only noticed because I know you like, since forever.”

“I really hope you are right,” Denji mumbled “But I wouldn’t call it ‘obvious’, okay? Heck, I only realized I liked Yoshida last month!”

Reze whistled “Really? Damn. How did it happen?” She asked.

“Well… Wait, you’re not going to gossip about this with the others, are you?” Denji said, narrowing his eyes.

“As much as I really love gossip, I won’t if you don’t want.” Reze said.”

“Oh, okay.” Denji said. Suddenly, he felt very self-conscious. But screw it, he had already confessed to liking Yoshida. Might as well continue to dig his grave “It was in Beam’s party.”

“Yeah?”

“Well, uh… remember the karaoke?” Denji said, blushing a little.

“Oh. Ohhhhhh.” Reze said, with a knowing smile “Yeah. I can definitely see it.”

“And right after that there was the sleepover, which was kind of really awkward …” Denji said, and now his whole face was burning.

Reze winced in sympathy “Been there.”

“Well, after that I really knew I had a crush on Yoshida. Which sucks.” Denji said.

“What? Why?” Reze said “It is because he’s a guy?”

“No! Yes? I mean… It was weird at first, because I thought I only liked girls, right? But like, Aki likes chicks and dudes and I never saw anything wrong with it, and I like Yoshida a lot too, so that’s not really an issue anymore.”

“Then why…?”

“Because having a crush sucks!” Denji said, “It sucks when I’m not near him, and when he is, is even worse!”

“Worse?” Reze said, frowning “How is that worse?”

Denji gave her a sad smile “Because I know he doesn’t like me back.” he said, “And he never will.”

***********************

“Oh, Yoshida.” Yuko said. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it, reassuringly “You’re not going to lose him. Denji would never do that. Not to you.”

“Thank you, Yuko.” Yoshida said, smiling weakly “I know.”

“And if he did.” Yuko said, her eyes narrowing “I would kick his ass.”

“I appreciate it.” Yoshida said, “But it’s just… Things just aren’t the same between us anymore.”

He missed when things between him and Denji were simple. Hanging out, studying together, playing videogames, and watching movies in each other’s houses… Yoshida missed doing that so much it hurt. The loss of his friendship with Denji hurt more than his feelings not being reciprocated. Yoshida would rather have Denji in any way he could than not to have him at all.

“What happened?” Yuko asked.

“I fucked up.” Denji said.

“It was my fault.” Yoshida said.

“Things got… awkward, I guess. I don’t know.” Denji said.

“I think he realized I liked him...” Yoshida said.

“There’s no way Yoshida would ever like me.” Denji said.

“He probably thinks I’m weird…” Yoshida said.

“I probably freaked him out…” Denji said.

“…It’s okay. I’m used to it.” Yoshida said.

“…Again.” Denji said.

“I wish things weren’t so distant between us…” Yoshida said.

“Wish we were still friends…” Denji said.

“I have been avoiding Denji. I know he noticed it. And the thought that I’ve been hurting him is unbearable.” Yoshida said.

“I can barely talk to him anymore. And I know he can tell. And I know that hurts him. I hate that I’m doing that to him.” Denji said.

“It’s my fault. I don’t know how to do this kind of stuff. I should have tried harder to hide my feelings…” Yoshida said.

“It’s my fault. I really am screw-up. If I hadn’t let my stupid feelings ruin things…”

“I can’t believe I actually thought for a moment that we could…” Yoshida said.

“But there’s no way he would ever…” Denji said.

“Maybe it’s better this way. This way, I won’t hurt him again.” Yoshida said.

“He’s better without me anyways.” Denji said.

“Do you really think so?” Yuko said.

“Is that you really think?” Reze said.

“What about you? What do you want?”

“Well…” Yoshida said.

“I…” Denji said.

“…I just want him back.”

Chapter Text

The local amusement park was bustling with activity that afternoon. Summer had finally started, and the place was full of people. There were amusement rides, food stands, games, and a bunch of other fun activities these places always had. But that wasn’t the reason Denji was there. No, today was day he was going to make up with Yoshida.

The whole group had arrived together, but everyone quickly separated in smaller groups. Beam and Power went straight to the tallest rollercoaster, Reze went to see one of those “globe of death” motorcycle shows, Fami and Asa went to grab food while Yuko and Yoru went to the game stands. Leaving Denji and Yoshida alone together.

“So…” Denji said, trying to be nonchalant. The two of them were standing near the ticket booths, surrounded by the other visitors. Everybody had left so quickly it made him wonder if it hadn’t been planned.

“So.” Yoshida said. He was looking at everywhere except at Denji.

God, this was awkward.

“Do you want to go the Haunted House?” Denji asked.

Yoshida seemed surprised “Wouldn’t you rather go to the rollercoaster?” A pause “With the others?”

That made Denji flinch on the inside, but he didn’t let it show “Nah. I already puked there way too many times.” he said “I probably have the record for most pukes on a ride. They should put my picture on the wall or something.”

That made Yoshida smile a little.

It made Denji feel like he was going to explode from happiness.

“Okay.” Yoshida said, and Denji couldn’t help but grin.

“Alright, then. Let’s go see some fake skeletons!”

************************************

The haunted was house looked exactly like how Yoshida imagined. Old house, full of fake cobwebs, pictures of ghosts, jack-o’-lanterns and yes, fake skeletons. Basically, it was awesome. Like a piece of Halloween on the Summer.

The interior was a maze of corridors, spooky decorations, and antiques. Ghostly lights and a fog machine really made the atmosphere. And of course, there some people dressed like ghosts, vampires, and zombies. It was by no means actually scary, but Yoshida was a fan of all things spooky and creepy and really loved the place (though Denji did get jumpscared one time by a clown). It had been a lot of fun exploring the house with Denji.

Yoshida still hadn’t worked up the courage to talk to Denji – really talk, but for now he was just happy, so happy that they were spending time together again. There was still that awkwardness between them, but it wasn’t as bad as before. Yoshida could’ve been imagining it, but maybe Denji had forgiven him for being weird? Maybe? Yoshida could hope, right?

After the haunted house they went back to the games part of the park. “Hey, do you want to try that one?” Denji said, pointing to a stall with a darts game.

“Sure.” Yoshida said.

The wall of the stall had a bunch of targets, and on the side, there was a bunch of prizes – most of them stuffed animals. Yoshida did not miss the way Denji covertly looked at the giant penguin plushie.

The man on the stall looked at them and without a world gave each of them three darts.

Denji looked at him and smirked “Check this out.” he said, confidently. With one eye shut and sticking out his tongue, he aimed at one of the targets and threw.

It missed.

Denji grumbled and then picked another dart. He threw again with more force and missed again. He cursed and picked the last one. This time he aimed a little higher and managed to hit the edge of the target.

“30 points.” grumbled the stall owner “You get one of the small ones.”

“Aw, man.” Denji said, face visibly crumbling.

Yoshida frowned “My turn.” he said.

He picked a dart, aimed, and threw. It hit true. He picked up another, aimed and threw again. It hit again. He picked the last one, aimed and… Bullseye.

“100 points. Impressive.” said the stall owner.

Yoshida looked at Denji, eyebrow raised “How did I do?”

Denji was staring at him with his mouth open “Dude,” he said, “That was the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Yoshida smiled, feeling his cheeks warm up.

Yoshida picked the giant penguin plushie and gave it to Denji “What? You’re giving it to me?” he said, uncertain. It made Yoshida feel a painful tug in his heart.

Yoshida nodded. “Of course.”

Denji beamed; a bright blinding smile that made Yoshida feel like he would die from the warmth on his chest.

“Thanks, Yoshida.” Denji said, pressing his face on the giant penguin plushie.

“Oh! I got this for you,” Denji said, grabbing a small stuffed octopus from the stall and giving it to Yoshida “Sorry it’s not as cool as your gift.”

“It’s perfect.” Yoshida said. He held the small octopus with care, the feeling on his chest was threatening to burst. “Thank you, Denji.”

There was a pause. When Yoshida looked at Denji again, his face was… determined?

“Yoshida.” Denji said.

“What?” Yoshida said. Denji was staring at him with strange expression. It made him start to feel anxious.

“Do you… Can…” Denji struggled with his words until he asked, “Can we talk?”

Yoshida felt a pin in his stomach. Ah. Things were going too well, weren’t they. But Yoshida tried to push back the anxiety he was feeling. He had wanted to talk to Denji, didn’t he? Better to rip the band-aid right now.

“Sure,” Yoshida said, trying to keep his face neutral.

Denji gave him a worried look, like he could see right through Yoshida’s face – and he probably could, if there was someone who knew Yoshida well it would be Denji – but said “Okay. We can go to the Ferris Wheel. It’s quieter there.”

Yoshida nodded, and numbly followed Denji through the park. He tried to keep calm and remember what he wanted to tell Denji. One or another, this was going to end.

***************************

The wait in the line was not great. Denji could tell that Yoshida had retreated back into himself, which it made him feel horrible. And things had just started to feel right again… He really couldn’t mess this up. He was going to apologize to Yoshida, and then things could go back to normal.

Yeah, normal. Right.

It was finally their turn, and they entered their cabin. It wasn’t very large, and they had to sit very close and okay maybe this is a bad idea – but then the Ferris Wheel started moving and there was no going back now.

The ride was slow, and the silence in the cabin was deafening. Denji had spent hours thinking about everything he wanted to tell Yoshida but now his mind was blank. He looked at Yoshida, who was staring at the small octopus plushie Denji had gotten him as gift like his life depended on it. Denji felt like his insides were turning at the sight. Right, he probably should say something.

“I…” Denji started, and Yoshida looked at him. His brain scrambled and he couldn’t think anymore “I-Uhm… Sorry.”

“What?” Yoshida said.

“I’m sorry.” Denji said, wincing at how lame he sounded. He tried to focus “Things have been… weird between us. And it’s my fault. So, sorry.”

Yoshida looked at him for a moment “It’s not your fault, Denji.”

“Uh, pretty sure it is. I… I’m the one who was avoiding you.” Denji said. Admitting it really felt shitty.

“I haven’t been the best at seeking you out either.” Yoshida said.

“Still…” Denji said.

“Besides, if you want to blame someone, blame me.” Yoshida said, “I’m the one who made things awkward.”

“What?” Denji said, genuinely confused “No you didn’t.”

Yoshida wouldn’t meet his eyes “Yes, I did. You know why.”

“No, I don’t?” Denji said. What the hell was Yoshida was talking about? Denji was pretty sure he was the one who messed things up. He always did.

“Are you really going to make me say it?” Yoshida said, voice bitter and painful in a way that twisted Denji’ heart. Now he really was getting worried.

“Look, Yoshida.” Denji said, quickly “I’m the one who got feelings and felt terrified of rejection, okay? So, no need for this. Can we, like, just go back to how things used to be? Please?”

Yoshida turned to him, a mix of confusion and shock on his face.

“What… did you say?” Yoshida said, stunned.

Denji blinked.

Wait, had he just… confessed to Yoshida?

“Fuck,” Denji said.

He quickly looked away from Yoshida. His chest felt tight, his face was burning, and he honestly felt like throwing. He wanted to run away, but he was trapped in the cabin, more than ten meters on the air. He thought that maybe he could try escape through the window…

After all this time, after all these months and weeks and days, this is how he told Yoshida? Really?

Denji hid his face against the giant penguin, groaning. Idiot. Dumbass. Stupid.

“Denji,” Yoshida said.

Maybe if he didn’t say anything, Yoshida would forget he was there. Maybe he could stay like this forever. He could just there, in the Ferris Wheel, with his penguin. He definitely could do that.

“Denji, please look at me.” Yoshida said, gently.

“Nu-uh.” Denji mumbled; face still buried in the penguin plushie.

“Denji”.Yoshida said, exasperated.

In any other circumstance he would smile. Annoying Yoshida was one of his favorite hobbies. But right now, he just wanted to disappear. He did lift his head and looked at Yoshida.

“What?” Denji said.

“You… like me?” Yoshida said. His face was a whirlwind of emotions, a mix of disbelief, confusion and… something else that Denji was way too tired and anxious to try to guess.

“Yeah…” Denji said, throat dry. He felt exposed. Vulnerable. He felt like someone had opened his chest and now everybody in the world could see all his gross organs and insides. But regardless of his feelings, he noticed something. There was something that wasn’t adding up.

“Wait. I thought you knew, though?” Denji said.

“I didn’t.” Yoshida said, softly.

“Then why…” Denji tried saying but couldn’t. He had thought that Yoshida had stopped talking to him because he knew about Denji’s feelings about him and wanted to spare him from the pain of a rejection. That’s what he had thought. He could accept that. But if Yoshida didn’t know about what Denji felt for him then the only reason, he could think of Yoshida’s distance… was him.

Ah, of course. That made sense. It was a miracle Yoshida had put up with him for so long. And now, Denji had probably weirded Yoshida out even more with his stupid confession. Great job, Denji!

It still hurt a lot though.

“Sorry. If you never want to talk to me, again. That’s, uh, that’s fine.” Denji said. His throat felt too tight. He tried to smile but couldn’t.

“What? Denji, no. That’s not,” Yoshida said.

“It’s okay, Yoshida.” Denji said, “I’m sorry I made you listen to all that.”

“Denji, please stop apologizing.” Yoshida said, and then he added with a strange tone of voice “Why would I ever want to stop talking to you?”

“You’ said you didn’t know I – you’ know.” Denji said. He couldn’t say it again. “So why avoid me too?”

“Because I thought you… I thought you didn’t want to be near me.” Yoshida said, his voice strained “I thought you had figured it out.”

“Figure it out what?” Denji said. He was starting tired of this. And angry (mostly at himself). How long was this Ferris Wheel ride anyway?

“That I liked you.” Yoshida said.

There was a pause. Denji tried to process the words.

“WHAT.” Denji said. There was no way he had heard it right.

Yoshida winced. “You really are Power’s brother.”

“Ah, sorry.” Denji said “Also. What the fuck are you talking about?”

Yoshida blushed “I like you too, okay?”

Denji stared at him. Yoshida stared back at him.

“That’s not funny, Yoshida.” Denji said, voice strangled.

“I’m not joking.” Yoshida said matter-of-factly, and this time he looked away, face reddening even more “I thought you knew.”

Denji mind’s suddenly went blank.

“Wait. I don’t understand.” Denji said, slowly “You like me… And you thought I knew?”

“Yes.” Yoshida said, still not looking at him “I thought that was why you’re avoiding me. You knew and you— you didn’t feel the same way about me.”

Denji had to take a moment to understand what Yoshida said “So… you’re telling me that you avoided me because you thought I didn’t like you back?”

“Yep.” Yoshida said, “And you… avoided me because you thought I didn’t like you back?”

“Pretty much.” Denji said.

“Huh.”

Denji put his hand on his forehead, realizing how much a stupid, stupid misunderstanding had messed up their last few months for the both of them.

“What. The. Hell.” Denji groaned.

Yoshida smiled “What is wrong with us?”

Yoshida’s smile eased a bit of Denji’s tension. The emotional whiplash and the absurdity of the situation suddenly seemed too much, hilariously so, and Denji started laughing.

“Why are you laughing?” Yoshida said, smile widening.

“I… can’t, this is too...” Denji really couldn’t stop laughing. It was as if all his dread and anxiety had been turned into a light, hopeful, and relieved, giddy feeling he couldn’t even hope to describe and the only way to release it was laughing.

Most amazing, Yoshida started giggling too, and before long he was laughing along too. A real, tears on his eyes, belly laughter. It was the most amazing and beautiful thing Denji had ever seen.

They continued laughing for a moment, and Denji vaguely realized that the Ferris Wheel was finally going down again. When he could breathe again, he settled back against his chair, suddenly exhausted and drained of all emotion.

“… Do you really like me?” Denji asked, because he had. He had to be sure.

Yoshida looked at him straight in the eyes, and Denji couldn’t look away from the intensity of his gaze.

“I like you, Denji.” he said. Yoshida had never sounded so serious, so determined, so sure “I have liked you for months now. You’re my first and best friend. You’re one of the best things that ever happened in my life. I want to be with you in anyway you want, for as long as you’ll have me.”

“I… I just really love you. Okay?” Yoshida finished, voice thick with emotion.

Denji felt stunned. Speechless. It didn’t sound possible that anyone, that Yoshida could ever say or feel something like that to Denji. But Yoshida was staring at him almost defiantly, like he was daring Denji to contradict him. And Denji couldn’t – he could never doubt Yoshida.

“Oh.” Denji said, lamely. His chest felt tight but for a completely different reason than before, and he felt his eyes watering and he fought the tears back because he refused to cry in front of Yoshida, he refused to cry in this stupid Ferris Wheel.

He must not have succeeded very well, because Yoshida’s face softened with concern “Denji?” he said.

“I’m fine,” Denji said, and then before he could embarrass himself more, he raised his arms, hesitantly “C-Can I…?”

Yoshida blinked and then immediately nodded. Denji pulled him into a hug. It was probably uncomfortable because there was so little space in the cabin, specially with the giant penguin plushie that was still there, but Denji didn’t care. He hugged Yoshida tight, squeezing his back and burying his face on the crook of his neck. Yoshida tensed for a moment, but then he relaxed. Yoshida put his arms on Denji’s back and rested his chin on the top of his head. Denji could feel Yoshida’s breath.

“M’ not good with words,” mumbled Denji.

Yoshida laughed softly, “That’s okay.” He said, relief, disbelief, and something else on his voice. Denji thought maybe it was hope because it was what he was feeling right now.

Denji hugged him even tighter, trying to express to Yoshida all he felt and all he didn’t know how to say. All of his feelings and hopes and promises. All of the care and trust he had for Yoshida. All he wanted to tell him one day, when he found the right words.

Denji was pretty sure Yoshida understood it all because he held him back just as tight.

I love you too.