Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“What should I caption this?”

Kitty looks over her shoulder, thumbs hovering over her cell phone, shooting Minho an expectant glare.

His eyes flutter downward to their photo at the Adler Winter Festival: he’s by Kitty’s side, arm around her shoulders, with twinkling lights outlining their almost-silhouette. She stands stiffly, though Minho quickly files that thought to somewhere in the back of his mind.

“On a date, kinda nervous,” he suggests, grinning.

Kitty rolls her eyes and elbows him, eliciting a dramatized whine. “I wasn’t nervous.”

“Maybe I was,” says Minho. There’s a note of sincerity in his voice that, somehow, Kitty chalks up as a joke.

“This is a stupid caption.”

Minho rolls his eyes and sinks back into his seat on the sofa. With a shrug, Kitty types out her caption. On a date, kinda nervous.

She’s not quite sure what compelled her to make this post in the first place. Yet, she swiftly taps the post button, and she prays to the gods that her Instagram following can pick up on the sarcasm in her words.

Somewhere on the other side of the world, Yuri Han is groggily unlocking her phone as she wakes up from a thirteen-hour beauty rest.

She skims through a number of texts only to then lazily tap into Instagram, and she looks to her side where Juliana lays, still in her peaceful slumber.

The first few posts on her feed fail to catch her full attention: friends traveling to who-knows-where for the holidays, idols and celebrities promoting their latest projects, slime videos that she discretely bookmarks for later. It’s not until she comes across two familiar faces, closer in proximity than she had ever imagined was possible, that she stops in her tracks.

Yuri's eyes burn holes into the photo of Kitty engulfed in Minho’s half-embrace.

And as her eyes then drift down to read the caption - On a date, kinda nervous - it almost feels like her stomach is being ripped out.

It’s nothing, she pleads to herself.

Just shock.

It’s nothing.

“Baby?”

A mellow, raspy voice snaps her out of her fogged-up headspace. Phone still in hand, she turns to face Juliana with a small smile.

“Good morning,” she greets gently.

Sleepily, Juliana rubs her eyes, though they stay closed as she asks, “What are we doing today?”

“Um…”

Yuri is engrossed by the comments calling them cute and adorable until she remembers she needs to answer. She meekly settles for, “I’m not sure yet.”

To this, Juliana’s eyes blink open, only to see that Yuri isn’t looking at her.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” she whispers. And within seconds, she is distracted by the photo on Yuri’s phone. “Oh my god, is that Kitty and Minho? I thought you said they hate each other.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Yuri half-chuckles, mindlessly missing the way Juliana’s gaze returns to her and hardens with suspicion.

“Is something wrong with it?” Juliana pries.

Yuri quickly scrolls away to the next post - Madison spending Christmas in Jeju - and shapes her lips into an innocent smile. “No, it’s just… weird.” She tacks on a disgusted face for extra measure.

“Uh-huh.”

When Kitty’s phone dings just half-past midnight, she fully expects a message or two from Minho. She pauses her movie and reaches for her phone, preparing herself.

Yuri’s name stares back at her tauntingly.

(And Minho’s, too.)

Yuri Han
You’re dating Min Ho???

Kitty swallows, holding her breath, and begins typing carefully until she realizes that she has nothing to say. She debates an excited tone, something like, Yes! I’m so happy! But, it feels wrong, like she’s speaking in a language she herself cannot understand.

So she settles for being cool and elusive, because maybe Yuri will want to know more, and maybe Yuri will keep her company for the rest of the night, and maybe Yuri will text her again the next day.

So much for being cool and elusive, she thinks.

Kitty Song-Covey
Kinda…? Idk it’s nothing serious
Like AT ALL lmao

Minutes pass after she hits send, the rom-com on her laptop failing to distract her as the clock ticks. Another notification finally comes through, then another, and another. Kitty inhales sharply.

Yuri Han
Wow, I didn’t see that coming.
Girl you deserve better
Jk

Kitty reads the messages over and over until the words stop sounding like words in her head. Was it really that unexpected? Was Yuri really just kidding?

Does she really deserve better?

The thought is caustic.

So, she shuts her eyes, and she soothes herself with thoughts of how sweet Minho is and how pretty Minho is. Even though Minho isn’t a beautiful girl with long, black hair and gentle hands that can make Kitty’s heart beat out of her chest.

She wonders if a girl like that can be the better that she deserves.

But Minho is alright, and he’s enough, and with the weight of the truth on her back, Kitty doubts she even deserves him to begin with.

Nine hours later, Yuri taps into her conversation with Kitty for the fourth time that day as her own words continue to haunt her.

She sighs and gives in, her thumbs hastily typing out an apology.

Yuri Han
Sorry if I said something wrong

Within seconds, she receives a reply.

Kitty Song-Covey
Oh god no you’re totally fine
I may or may not have fallen asleep

Yuri snickers to herself, carefully crafting her next message.

Yuri Han
Stayed up late watching movies?

Kitty Song-Covey
Awww you know me so well

Satisfied, Yuri stows her phone away, struggling to shroud the grin cemented on her face. She reaches for a cookie on the coffee table and attempts to hide it with nibbles. Instead, Q peers at her with narrowed eyes.

“Who was that?” he asks, leaning back in his seat, arms crossed.

Yuri shrugs. “Kitty,” she answers cooly. “You know, she’s really excited to be un-expelled.”

“So I’ve heard…” says Q, his voice coated with suspicion. “You seem awfully excited, too.”

Next to him, Dae stiffens knowingly and pries his own attention away from the television. He notes the pink tint clouding Yuri’s cheeks and the glow of her face that is almost missable in the lowly lit room. Delicately, Q chooses his next words.

“She told me that she really misses you, Yuri.” A lie, although he doubts that it’s far from the truth. He flashes a weak smile. “And you, Dae. All of us, actually.”

Yuri looks down, avoiding his gaze, and softly asks, “She said that?” She turns her phone back on and scrolls mindlessly, feigning indifference.

Q’s lips part to speak, but the bathroom door clicks open, and suddenly eyes are all on Juliana as she steps out. Dae springs up and heads to take her place without a word. The room is silent, omit the show flashing on the television. Yet somehow, they all fear they could hear a pin drop.

“What did I miss?” Juliana asks cautiously.

“Nothing,” Yuri lies, shifting to the side to allow her to sit. “Come on, we’re getting to the good part.”

Juliana scrunches her nose, confused.

Q snorts. “This is Victorious. How good can it be?”

Yuri scoffs. “You just wouldn't get it.”

Kitty is unsure where her sudden boost of confidence came from. Maybe Lara Jean put something in her pancakes.

She chooses to believe that as she hits send  on a barefaced selfie of her outside with snowflakes speckling her hair.

Kitty Song-Covey
Good morning <3 It’s snowing
[1 Attachment.]

Kitty sits eagerly at the dining table, breakfast half-eaten, and wonders if she's obligated to send Minho this photo as well. She decides against it.

“Is that your boyfriend?” Lara Jean asks playfully. “You’re blushing.” She pokes at Kitty’s cheeks.

“Am not,” Kitty whines, swatting Lara Jean’s hand away. “And Minho is not my boyfriend.”

"He seems to really like you, you know."

"Maybe. But it's not like he didn't agree to us just being casual."

"Right."

"No real strings attached."

"Mhm."

Lara Jean takes her place next to Kitty at the table with her own freshly-cooked stack. She attempts to catch a glimpse of the name on her sister’s phone, but Kitty is quick to squirm away.

“Who is it? Tell me.”

“Not that it’s any of your business, LJ, but it’s my new best friend at KISS,” Kitty says matter-of-factly.

Lara Jean chuckles. “Such a mean teenager nowadays.” She ignores Kitty’s burning glare and takes a bite. “What’s their name?”

Kitty’s pending response is cut off by a notification.

Min Ho
Morning
Look at the view of this snow from my hotel room
[1 Attachment.]

“Oh, right,” Kittle mumbles, typing a quick reply.

Kitty Song-Covey
Good morning
See you later!

Having expected a different name to pop up on her screen, Kitty lets herself frown until she realizes that her older sister’s eyes are glued onto her.

“Everything okay, Kitty?”

“Yup!” Kitty squeaks. She shovels another bite-and-a-half of pancake into her mouth.

“Kitty,” LJ sighs as she gently places her fork down, “I have literally known you for your whole life. You cannot hide anything from me.”

“Well, there’s nothing to hide. So if you’ll excuse me, I have a not-boyfriend to call.”

Kitty scurries off to her bedroom and shuts the door behind her before burying herself back into bed. And instead of ringing up Minho, she patiently waits for Yuri’s message in silence.

Yuri Han
So beautiful

A beat.

Yuri Han
I love snow

Right. Snow.

Kitty Song-Covey
Sameee
Will you help me pick an outfit for today?

Yuri Han
Of course
Can I video call?

Kitty’s eyes bulge, almost springing out of her head, and she quickly scrambles out of bed (almost eating shit on her carpet somewhere midway). She faces the mirror above her dresser and brushes her untamed hair out of her face with her fingers.

Kitty Song-Covey
Yeah sure!!

Her phone rings moments later, and she finds Yuri sitting in bed with her back against the headboard. “Hey,” Yuri smiles.

“Hey,” says Kitty, awkwardly pacing around her room.

“I miss you here in Seoul,” she says sweetly.

Kitty’s ears go red. “You do?”

“Duh. We all do.”

“Oh,” says Kitty. She’s half-disappointed, though showing it is the last thing she wants. “Right. I miss you guys too.”

“So, what’s going on with you today?” Yuri asks, head tilting.

“I’m hanging out with some friends from Adler. I think Minho is coming as well.”

“Ah,” Yuri says, and Kitty denies the drop of disappointment in her voice too. “What do you need from me, then?”

Kitty grows distracted by the bluntness of her tone, then the darkness of her eyes as they bore into hers through the screen. “Hm?”

Yuri raises a brow. “You said you need help picking an outfit?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Kitty makes her way to her closet and sifts through a number of clothes before finding her turtlenecks. “I was thinking something simple and warm, like one of these with pants and a belt, since it’ll be cold outside.” She holds up two options and extends her phone away to give Yuri a better look.

A beat of silence passes before Yuri snorts. “Kitty, your room’s a mess.”

Kitty gulps and brings her room out of frame. “Uh…” She heads for her bed and clears her throat. “You should see my sister’s,” she laughs awkwardly in an attempt to play it off cool.

“I’ve been waiting for you to invite me over.” Yuri teases. 

Kitty rolls her eyes and raises her clothes hangers once again to hide the pinkish hues overtaking her face. “Which one?”

“The light blue one,” Yuri answers quickly. “I like that color.”

“Really?” Kitty places the two options down and spreads them over her blankets. “I thought you’d say the pink one.”

Yuri hums. “I do like pink. But you look pretty in blue.”

Baby <3
Yuri?

Yuri Han
Sorry I was just on the phone with someone

Yuri is quick to dial Juliana’s number as she gets comfortable in bed. “Hi, baby,” she says, grinning, and presses her phone against her ear.

“Hey,” Juliana smiles. “Who were you talking to?”

“It was just Kitty,” Yuri shrugs, “She needed help choosing an outfit for something.”

“Hm.” Juliana pauses. “That’s it?”

“Yup.”

“You guys have gotten pretty close,” says Juliana, treading lightly. “Must be a nice girl.”

Yuri beams. “The best. I mean, I practically manipulated her for months with that Dae thing and she still helped me find my way back to you. She’s a great friend.”

“I’m sure.” Juliana fidgets as she holds her stare at the ceiling. The air is dead until Juliana finally says the last thing Yuri wants to hear.

“Is it cool if you guys, like, chill for a bit?”

“Chill?” Yuri frowns.

“You guys are so close lately.”

Yuri furrows her brows. “Well, yeah, we’re close friends.”

“But friends don’t talk about friends like that to their girlfriends,” Juliana insists, tone sharpening. “So is it okay if you guys, I don’t know, talk less? Or something?”

Her voice is shaking now.

And Yuri has no option but to oblige.

Because Kitty is the best, but Juliana is Juliana. And Yuri is hers. And Yuri can’t be holding her breath every time she thinks that Kitty is looking at her lips.

Juliana is here now, and she’s real. She’s stardust and the smell of berries, and they’ve come too far to let someone like Kitty step right between them. So Yuri obliges, and sends one last message before she changes the subject to ask Juliana about her day.

Yuri Han
Have fun with your friends today

Yuri spends the evening waiting for a message she won’t answer.

December 27th

Kitty Song-Covey
Which jacket should I bring back to Seoul?
[2 Attachments.]

Yuri Han
Second one

Kitty Song-Covey
That’s what I was thinking too!!
What are you up to today?

Yuri Han
Nothing much

Kitty Song-Covey
I miss it there tbh

December 28th

Kitty Song-Covey
This is so you
[Link: TikTok]

Yuri Han laughed at “[Link: TikTok]”

December 29th

Kitty Song-Covey
Good morning!!!
It’s snowing againnn
[1 Attachment.]

Yuri Han loved “[1 Attachment]”

Kitty Song-Covey
[Link: TikTok]
[Link: TikTok]
[Link: TikTok]

December 30th

Kitty Song-Covey
Any plans for New Year’s Eve?
I decked out my house for my family’s party
My sister’s boyfriend Peter helped
[3 Attachments.]

December 31st

Kitty Song-Covey
Happy NYE, Yuri

Days pass and New Year’s Eve comes along slower than Kitty wished. The messages become less and less and less, until she is sitting across the table from Minho with her head low and eyes fixed on a number of unanswered texts to Yuri.

“Order whatever you want, Covey. I’m paying.”

“Mhm.”

Minho’s eyes flick up from the menu. “You alright?”

Kitty plasters on a smile and places her phone face down on the table.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” She regrets the question as soon as it falls off her tongue.

“I don’t know, you just seem distant.” Minho toys with his wristwatch and Kitty watches him carefully. “Look, I need to tell you something.”

Kitty furrows her brows. “What is it?”

Minho sighs and finally meets Kitty’s stare. “I just… I know that this whole thing has been casual. But I was hoping that we could change that.”

He reaches for Kitty’s hand, and she refrains from pulling it away. Instead, she holds her breath as he runs his thumb over her knuckle.

She expects her heart rate to pick up. She expects her mouth to run dry, and her ears to ring just enough to muddy whatever it was that he was about to say next. She expects the world to stop for them in that moment.

But it doesn’t. And Minho is already parting ways with her hand with a downcast expression and a cloud over his head before she could even formulate a response.

“Never mind.”

“Minho, wait.”

“I said, never mind. It’s fine.”

Kitty shakes her head and narrows her eyes. “It’s obviously not. And I’m sorry, Minho, but I just broke up with my boyfriend of several years, so ‘casual’ is all I’ve got right now.”

“Okay.”

She’s lost, somewhere between upset and guilty.

“I’m sure a serious relationship with me isn’t what you really need,” she offers calmly.

Minho raises his voice, though it strains, and he sounds more broken than angry in any sense. “Kitty, I’ve known from the start that it’s what I want.”

“But…” Kitty starts. She speaks airily, almost in a whisper. “But it’s not what I want.”

Her last words were barely audible, yet Minho picks them up. Kitty watches as his shoulders slump, and for the first time, he looks defeated.

“Not yet, at least,” Kitty tacks on at the end. She hopes it helps, but as Minho rises and excuses himself to the bathroom, she quickly understands that it didn’t.

Mindlessly, she reaches for her phone, only to be met with nothing once again.

Kitty found herself agreeing to travel back to Korea with Minho. Might as well have a companion and a free upgrade to business class instead of sitting behind a crying baby on her way to a city that she’d inevitably get lost in.

Upon landing in Seoul, they walk side by side away from baggage claim and into the heart of the terminal, where dozens of people whiz past them, trying to catch their flight in time. Kitty can’t help but put on a wide smile, the same one she wore four months ago when the idea of KISS was fresh and new. She makes a mental note to thank Yuri in person, the first chance she gets, for getting her this second chance.

“I’m going to freshen up,” Minho says, making a beeline for the restroom.

It's been days since New Year's Eve and he still carries that same note of somberness everywhere he goes. He had insisted that he's okay, that Kitty couldn't owe him feelings that she never had, and yet the 14-hour journey from Portland to Seoul still felt like cruel torture despite the fancy airplane foods and the extra legroom...

Kitty nods and scans the area for a bench to wait at. She strolls towards the nearest one before she feels a tug at her arm, and she believes for half a second that she’s being kidnapped.

But as she is pressed against the wall closely behind a large pillar, her eyes refocus.

Yuri Han is inches away with a finger on Kitty’s lips.

Yuri shushes her. “Be quiet; I’m not supposed to be here.”

“Yuri?” Kitty hisses. “What are you talking about?”

“I figured you’d have trouble getting to KISS from the airport like last time, so I’m here to pick you up. I just can’t be seen here with you. Why else would I wear this ugly hoodie in public?” Yuri motions at the oversized hood shrouding her head.

“Why not?” Kitty frowns. “It’s not because of you mom, is it? Because I thought-”

“It’s not my mom,” Yuri reassures. "You'll be more than welcome at KISS."

“Paparazzi?”

Yuri shakes her head. “No, it’s my…” The name threatens to fall from her tongue, but she holds back, gritting her teeth.

“Your…” Kitty searches for answers in Yuri’s downcast eyes. “Your girlfriend?”

She’s not sure what she had possibly done to piss Juliana off from continents away, but she bites her tongue and finds confirmation in the way Yuri’s eyes flicker.

And before Yuri can try to deny it, Kitty’s phone dings.

Min Ho
Where did you go lol

“It’s Minho,” Kitty sighs, “He actually offered to bring me back to KISS.”

“You can just come with me. I have a nicer ride,” Yuri insists, half-jokingly. “There’s a lot we need to catch up on.”

To this, Kitty turns to stone.

“Obviously,” she sneers, “I mean, you’ve ignored me for the past week.”

“Kitty, I-”

“Look, Yuri, I need to go find Minho. I don’t wanna be in a car with my ex-boyfriend’s dad as the driver, and I don’t want you to risk whatever it is that you’re risking by seeing me, okay?” Kitty peels herself away from Yuri and the wall. “I don’t know what the hell I did, but tell your girlfriend that I’m sorry.”

“Kitty, I’m sorry,” Yuri tries. But Kitty is already half-way across the room with her back turned, and Yuri is sure that anything she says will be brushed to the side.

Kitty makes her way to Minho with a steel grip on her suitcase handle. Margo would tell her not to look back. Maybe Lara Jean would say the same, maybe not. It’s times like this when Kitty desperately wishes that her older sisters could just tell her what to do.

But Kitty isn’t Margo. And she’s not Lara Jean. And there’s a girl behind her that looked as broken as they come.

So, she snaps her head back to search for where she had left Yuri, to search for her eyes in hopes that she'd understand with just one look.

Instead, she’s met with the stone wall, empty. 

To the left, a hooded figure makes an attempt to march away with as much dignity as she can muster. Yet, Kitty’s eyes drift down to see how Yuri’s feet slightly drag with every step, how her balled hands grip the ends of each sleeve. Her name waits to spill from Kitty’s lips, but instead, Kitty reaches for her cell phone.

“Ready to go?” Minho asks.

“Yeah,” Kitty sighs. “Let me make a quick call first.”

She leaves her luggage with him and steps several feet away, thumb hovering over the call button under Yuri’s name and number. She taps it quickly before she can consider regretting it.

It rings twice and goes straight to voicemail.

Kitty Song-Covey
I’m sorry about what just happened
But I’m also really really confused
I’ll be on the rooftop of the girls’ dorm tonight at 8 PM
We can talk about everything

Chapter Text

The jingle of a keychain snaps Kitty out of her wandering headspace, who’s sitting patiently at the top of a staircase after realizing the rooftop would obviously be locked at night.

Her phone is dead and she’s shivering in just a long-sleeved top, but the sound of a familiar voice instantly elicits a rush of warmth through her body.

“I’m guessing you wanted some sort of movie vibe with this whole rooftop thing in the middle of winter?”

Kitty rolls her eyes. “Shut up.” She glances at the key that Yuri is spinning around her finger. “You have a key to the roof?”

“My mom has a master key to the building. I stole it.” Yuri flashes a wink and maneuvers around her to unlock the door. It swings open with a gust of icy wind and Yuri can’t help but grimace.

Kitty mirrors her and rubs at her arms as they both step out into the chilly night. “I’m starting to think we should just talk inside,” she mutters.

Yuri looks back at her worriedly. “You look like you’re freezing,” she mutters before sliding off her own jacket. “Just wear this. We can talk in the stairwell.”

“But you’ll be cold.”

“It’s okay. I’m wearing a sweater.”

Hesitantly, Kitty slips the jacket on and basks in its scent, a mix between sweet and floral. She closes her eyes for just a moment and wraps her arms around herself like it’s Yuri that she’s holding close.

But the moment is fleeting. And Kitty is forced to remind herself that she can’t be thinking this way. 

They sit on some steps near a window that gives an almost-perfect view of the night sky. Kitty cranes her neck to catch a glimpse of the constellations and pretends not to feel Yuri’s stare pierce her.

“Does anyone know you’re here with me?” Kitty asks.

The question borders coldness, but Yuri manages a small smile and a shake of her head. “Nope.”

“You shouldn’t be sneaking around your girlfriend, you know.”

“I’m not.”

“Then, what’s happening here?”

Yuri shrugs in an attempt at being casual. “She’s with some other friends and I just happen to be here with you.”

“So, then, why were you being all weird at the airport?”

With a sigh, Yuri rolls her eyes and shoots her a straight face. “I forgot that you’re with Minho and I just didn’t want Juliana to find out I was trying to do you a favor.”

Confusion washes over Kitty’s face. “Why?”

“Because she’s uncomfortable with our friendship.”

“Why?”

“Because. She just thinks we’re too close.”

“I don’t agree with that.” Kitty crosses her arms. “I mean, do you?”

“Well, no, but-“

“Look, I might as well just give you your space. I really can’t afford to mess this semester up.”

“Kitty-“

Kitty’s voice raises. “You know, I was really excited about getting close to you, even just as friends-“

“Wait, what-“

“Because the whole point of me being here is to be close to my mom, and being close to you is the closest I’ll ever get. But I can’t sit here and pretend it doesn’t worry me that someone you care about has an issue with that. Because I care about you.”

Kitty rises from her seat, huffing a breath.

“Okay, listen,” Yuri groans.

Yuri reaches out and grasps Kitty’s wrist.

And Kitty feels it all again.

The thumping in her chest that slows down the time and space between them. The sting of soft skin against her own. The spark traversing her body as Yuri’s eyes meet hers, pleading mercy.

Yuri sucks in a breath and exhales with closed eyes. Mindlessly, she moves to hold Kitty’s hand in her own, lightening her touch enough to make Kitty shiver.

“Kitty, you’re the realest friend I’ve had in a while. I mean, no one has cared about my happiness the way you do. No one except Juliana, obviously. And… maybe Dae… I guess. But, anyway…”

“And does that bother her?” Kitty grills. “Is she jealous?”

“A bit.”

Kitty sighs. “But why?”

“Probably because she hasn’t been here in a while? Maybe she feels replaced. Like, in an emotional way, of course. She won’t exactly tell me.”

Defeated, Kitty seats herself back down on the steps and hugs her knees close to her chest. “But she’s your girlfriend. And I have a… thing. With Minho.”

“That’s what I told her,” Yuri grumbles. “And, yeah, I told her you’re straight anyway.”

Kitty seals her lips shut and draws her eyes to the floor as if it’s the most fascinating thing in the world.

“Right?”

“Yep! Yeah. Absolutely. Right-on.”

Yuri narrows her eyes. “Okay…”

“Thank you, Yuri. For this chit-chat.” Kitty stands and brushes off the dust from the back of her pants. “But I just remembered I have an important… meeting… right now.”

“A meeting?” Yuri’s eyes follow Kitty as she makes her descent downstairs. “You can’t be serious right now.”

“Just…” Kitty stops in her tracks and squeezes her eyes shut, balling her fists. “Just go back to your girlfriend, Yuri. She’s your best friend.”

“I can have other friends.”

No response.

Step by step, until Kitty rounds a corner and slips out of sight, Yuri feels her heart sink lower with her.

She plays it off as an annoyance.

The walk back to Kitty’s dorm room is gloomy and long.

She swings her door open with a heavy heart, only to reveal a set of suitcases that aren’t hers.

She quietly slips her shoes off and maneuvers around the luggage before throwing herself down onto her bed.

After an entire day of forcing herself to stay awake, her eyelids grow heavy, and her bedding grows exponentially comfier.

Within seconds, she’s snoring.

What feels simultaneously like minutes and hours later, Kitty jolts as the door unlocks and a figure tiptoes in.

“Sorry,” the girl says in a whisper. She shuts the door behind her. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Her footsteps soften as she approaches her own bed, and Kitty props herself up to get a proper view of her new roommate.

Eyes blinking to clear her blurred vision, her face brightens as she greets, “You must be my new-“

And it hits her. 

Juliana is standing barely six feet away from her, wearing an expression that she can barely read.

“Roommate,” Kitty finishes. She extends her hand, almost timidly, but forces a charming grin and says, “I’m Kitty, and you must be-“

“Juliana.” Juliana’s eyes linger on Kitty’s outfit as they shake hands.

“I’m so excited to room with you,” Kitty chirps. “You should’ve seen my last roommate. She was a certified nightmare. She would-“

“I know,” Juliana interrupts. “Yuri told me about that.”

“Oh.” Kitty hopes it’s not actually irritation that she’s picking up as she continues to converse. “Did you… do anything fun over break?”

“Yuri and I went to a festival in Iceland.”

“Oh, how was that?”

“Fun.”

“That’s it?”

With no response, Kitty shuts up. Instead, she watches closely as Juliana slips off her coat and sweater, until Juliana looks back over her shoulder to catch Kitty’s stare.

Juliana eyes Kitty’s clothes once again

“Nice jacket,” she says coldly, voice coated in something that sounds a little bit like hurt. “Where did you get it?”

In a sleepy haze, Kitty looks down at the jacket that shrouds her body, and she freezes in place.

She’s standing before Yuri Han’s girlfriend.

Wearing Yuri Han’s jacket.

Kitty gulps and shuffles backward. “I… got it from…” Step by step, she approaches the door, hand extended out behind herself aimlessly grabbing for the handle.

And without another word, she throws herself out of the room and sprints away, leaving Juliana to stand in solitude with nothing but shock and confusion.

Kitty admits to herself, on the way to the boys’ dormitory, that perhaps this wasn’t her best solution to the situation.

Is there really someone wrong with wearing your best friend’s - no, close at most - jacket? The other option is hypothermia. Juliana could have understood.

But Kitty’s head drops once more from the weight of a guiltiness she has yet to process, and after what feels like an eternity, she finally reaches Q’s suite.

After three knocks, Q quietly opens the door.

“Kitty?” Without hesitation, he pulls her in for a warm embrace. “I missed you.”

“I missed you so much, Q,” Kitty sighs, holding him closer. She peeks over his shoulder. “Is it just you here? Where are Dae and Minho?”

“I haven’t seen Dae since dinner. He and Minho are avoiding each other,” Q admits, scratching his head and leading the both of them into the common space. “But, I’m here with-“

He turns around and is cut off by a teary-eyed Kitty standing delicately still before him.

His tone softens as he maneuvers her to sit on the sofa. “Hey. Sit here. What’s happening?” He takes a seat by her side.

And Kitty breaks. Shatters, like a glass pane. Hot tears streak her face and she’s got no choice but to let them.

“I thought I wouldn’t screw up this second chance at KISS,” she croaks. “But it’s been barely hours since I got back, and I already feel like the last person who should be here.”

Q narrows his eyes and shakes his head calmly. “Where is this all coming from? Because, I can tell you that you’re dead wrong.” He shifts in his seat. “Look, I can tell you straight up that everyone - everyone - is excited to have you back.”

“Well, yeah, maybe,” Kitty whines, throwing her hands heavenwards. “But it’s more complicated than that. It’s…”

“It’s…?”

Kitty spits it out.

“It’s Yuri.”

Q lets a soft gasp slip. “Still?”

“I think her girlfriend is some sort of all-knowing psychic who knows that I’m not-so-straight. And that maybe I had a crush on Yuri.”

“Had?”

Kitty huffs and slumps her shoulders.

Q continues. “And we’re assuming here that her girlfriend doesn’t think Yuri has a crush on you?”

“There is no way in hell that that’s even possible.”

“You never know,” Q suggests.

Kitty scoffs. “I do know that Yuri really loves Juliana. Not me.”

Q offers a nod laced with understanding and allows her to continue.

“But I’d never try to get between her and Yuri even if it hurts me, you know? Do I look like someone who’d do that?”

“Of course not.”

“And there’s a boy who could really love me, who I should probably end up with instead. But when I look at him, I don’t know if I really… feel anything… yet. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have everything.”

Q draws his gaze back to Kitty’s shaking eyes.

“No, you really don’t. I don’t think you’ll feel complete ‘til you get some sort of closure with this Yuri thing.”

“I have closure,” Kitty states. “We just talked. I’ll be fine.”

Kitty pauses, sucking in through her teeth. She listens as the wall clock ticks louder and louder and louder until the rhythm of her heart washes over it. She bites her lip.

“Maybe I should just give Minho a shot. A real shot.”

Q winces. “Uh, I don’t think that’s a great idea.”

“Because of Yuri, or because I’m not ready? Or because of Dae?”

“Try all of the above.”

Kitty falls into a loss for words.

Q says nothing more and offers his shoulder up instead. 

And silently, in the bedroom, Minho stands slouched against the door with his ear pressed up against the wood, eyes squeezed shut.

Yuri Han
Have a great first day of classes! <3

Baby <3
You too.

Yuri strolls into Professor Lee’s class five minutes late with the darkest eye bags the room has ever seen. And without even a mere glance at her teacher, she takes the last seat available, directly behind Kitty.

“Five minutes late on the first day?” Professor Lee sneers.

Yuri shrugs.

“Do you understand that I have no choice but to give you detention?” says Professor Lee.

Yuri groans. “You can’t do that to-“

But before the words your “stepdaughter” can fall from her mouth, Professor Lee tuts. “I can.”

As Lee begins his lecture about god-knows-what, Kitty can’t help but to turn around and eye the girl behind her.

Yuri’s face is nearing pale, omit a slight red hue as they both hold their gaze. But for once, Yuri is the first to look away and leave Kitty to scrutinize the way she subtly chews on her lip.

“Yuri, are you okay?” Kitty whispers.

Yuri looks up through her lashes and nods.

Kitty frowns. “Are you sure? ‘Cause you look-“

“Ms. Song-Covey,” Professor Lee warns and purses his lips. “Let me remind you that you are lucky to be back here. I’m sure you’ll want to be extra cautious.”

“Yes, Professor, thank you for the reminder.” Kitty smiles boldly.

“Of course.” He returns to the front of the class. “You can reflect on this reminder in detention.”

Detention is as bleak and barren as it could be. Unfortunately for Yuri, no one else managed to find trouble on the first day.

So, she sits rigidly next to the last person she wants to be with right now.

“Phones in here, ladies,” Alex says regretfully, holding out a wooden box to her, then to Kitty. “Sorry.” He makes his way to the front of the classroom and places the box down on his desk.

“Where’s Professor Lee?” Kitty asks curiously.

“You’re seriously asking for Professor Lee right now?” Yuri grumbles.

“No, I’m just asking.”

“Senior faculty meeting,” Alex pipes in. “Don’t worry, I’ll be a bit nicer, as long as you wait here quietly. I’ll be right back.”

As Alex makes his way out the door, paperwork in hand, Yuri straightens in her seat and stares ahead.

“I need my jacket back.”

Kitty scoffs. “Why are you being pissy at me?”

“Because I want my jacket back.”

“You and I both know it’s more than a stupid jacket.”

Yuri rolls her eyes. “I just want my three thousand-dollar jacket back.”

Kitty gapes at her, mouth ajar. “You lent me a three thousand- dollar…” Her voice trails off. “You know what?”

“Hm?”

“We don’t have to talk.”

“Good thing we’re not supposed to, anyway.”

“Good thing.”

“Great thing.”

A beat.

Then, suddenly, Kitty is slouching, and she’s letting barely-comprehensible words waterfall from her lips.

“Okay, actually-“

“Here we go.”

“-this sucks. I miss who we were the last detention we served together. You gotta admit, that was fun. Like, I know I just told you last night to leave me alone, but I’m just saying.”

When Yuri doesn’t respond and merely props her elbows onto her desk, Kitty assumes an unspoken invitation to keep going.

“And, I mean, we don’t need to sneak around Juliana to be friends, right? Maybe we can be a trio! Frankly, I could use more girlfriends - girl friends - around here. But if Juliana is too jealous for that, then whatever. Although, isn’t it a bit toxic if-”

To this, Yuri finally shoots her a deathly glare. “Juliana is not toxic.”

Kitty surrenders, two hands in front of her. “Right. Sorry.”

They sit in silence - real silence - as what feels like hours pass. The sour sounds of other students heading away from the classrooms, off to enjoy the rest of their afternoon, keep them distracted from the heaviness between them. They steal glances, alternating their focus between their own hands and the sides of each other’s heads.

But much to both their surprises, Yuri grumbles something before Kitty could even think of something to say.

“Juliana is jealous. About the jacket thing.”

Kitty snorts. “I figured. I was honestly scared to sleep in the same room as her last night.”

Yuri laughs lightly and bites her lip. “It’s my fault. I should’ve remembered to get it back before you ran off. I told her that I couldn’t tag along with her and friends, and next thing, she comes back to someone else in her girlfriend’s jacket…”

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left like that. And I’m sorry for calling her jealousy toxic. I’m sure I would’ve felt the same if I were in her shoes.”

Yuri nods thoughtfully before stilling.

“Why did you run off like that last night?”

As Kitty attempts to formulate a believable excuse, Alex treads casually into the room and seats himself at his desk, oblivious to the thickness of the air.

The room is quiet for the rest of the afternoon. Kitty hones in on her homework, though there's not yet enough of it to keep her occupied.

While Kitty writes away on the other side of the room, Yuri sits with her head down, unable to focus on anything but the sound of Kitty's breathing. Because:

1. Maybe there's something about Kitty that she can't quite confirm yet.
2. She hopes there's something about Kitty that she can't quite confirm yet.

Yuri Han
[Link: Instagram]

Kitty Song-Covey
Yuri what is this soap cutting video

Yuri Han
WRONG LINK
[Link: Instagram]
This edit reminded me of you
Don't you like this movie?

Kitty Song-Covey
Flattered to know that you’re thinking of me
I love that movie
Emma Watson is the love of my life

Yuri Han
Is that so?

Kitty Song-Covey
But I can’t believe you’re an Instagram Reels type of person

Yuri Han disliked “But I can’t believe you’re an Instagram Reels type of person”

Professor Lee’s voice booms too loudly for an 8 AM class the following morning.

“Over the next few months, your main goal in my class should be to ace the semester-long project.”

He paces the aisles of the room, stomping to the chorus of sighs and not-so-concealed groans. 

“You can pick your partners,” he says, allowing the sighs to transform into gasps of excitement until he returns to the front of the room and smirks. “…randomly. Out of this hat.”

The room grows bitter once again as Lee hands a brown hat with small, folded slips of paper to the front row. Students draw names and pass it around, sharing their excitement or hiding their disappointment.

Dae draws the name of a random boy in the back row, and Kitty releases the breath she didn’t mean to hold. As nearly half of the room gradually pairs up, and Yuri’s name has yet to be drawn, Kitty winces with each name announced that isn't here.

When the hat lands in Kitty’s hands, she notices two names left. Stomach tightening, she grits her teeth and goes for one of them.

She unfolds the slip gingerly.

“Shit,” Kitty mutters under her breath.

“What was that, Ms. Song-Covey?” asks Lee.

Kitty exhales. “I got Yuri.”

Behind her, Yuri scoffs.

“Well, don't sound too excited now.”

Chapter Text

Yuri Han
Is Kitty a girl liker
???
Answer me

Q Shabazian
if she was why would I tell you

Yuri Han
What I’m hearing is that she’s a girl liker

Q Shabazian
i literally did not say that but okay!

Stowing her cell phone into her back pocket, Yuri saunters into the library. She approaches Kitty, already seated at a secluded table with Professor Lee’s assignment packet laid out on the desk.

“Ugh,” Yuri groans, taking a seat next to her.

“Always a pleasure to see you too, Yuri,” Kitty grins, writing her and Yuri’s names on the top of the front page.

“Why are we working on this now?”  Yuri whines. “We have the entirety of this semester.”

“I nearly failed this class last semester. Can’t let that happen again.”

“Wow, Kitty,” Yuri laughs, voice laced with lighthearted sarcasm. “Look at you being all productive today.”

Kitty sighs and places her pencil down before rising from her chair. “We'll just decide on what book we’re gonna use for this project,” she explains, extending a hand.

Yuri stares at it blankly.

“Come on, I wanna show you something.” Kitty reaches for Yuri’s hand, and with barely any warning, Yuri is up from her seat and dragged to the fiction section.

They move slowly, at least from her point of view, and as their surroundings pass them by, she can't seem to peel her eyes off their interlocked hands. A wave of guilt washes over her.

But Kitty’s hand just fits perfectly in hers. And even though Kitty’s touch is as gentle as can be, Yuri finds herself succumbing to her anyway as she’d led through a winding path to authors A through C.

No, Yuri scolds herself. Shut up.

She can smell Kitty’s shampoo. 

Shut up.

She can just barely feel Kitty run a thumb over the top of her hand.

Shut up.

Kitty is talking now, saying god-knows-what, and her voice sounds sweet enough that Yuri’s afraid that she could listen to it forever and still be alright.

“Shut up!”

Yuri throws a hand over her mouth, eyes gaping.

Kitty sneers. “Damn. Sorry.”

“No, no, no,” Yuri whispers, as if hissing. “Not you. I was talking to that guy.” She breaks away from Kitty’s light grip and hitches a thumb aimlessly over her shoulder.

“...There’s no one there,” Kitty deadpans. “Whatever. Look at this.”

She grabs a book and sits down on the floor with her back against the shelves, and pats the space next to her. Yuri takes her place there and gets as comfortable as she could with her arm flush against Kitty’s. She tries to think nothing of it.

Kitty places the book in her lap. “Lee wants us to study a bildungsroman.”

“A what?”

“A coming-of-age,” Kitty beams. “A story about finding yourself.”

Yuri narrows her eyes. “And that, in particular, really excites you…?”

“What does? Finding yourself?”

Yuri nods.

Kitty shrugs. “Yeah. It does.”

Yuri purses her lips, scrutinizing Kitty’s demeanor until she gives up with a huff of breath.

“So, is this a bildungs-whatever?” she inquires, gesturing at Kitty’s book: Emma by Jane Austen

“Only my favorite of all time,” Kitty smiles. “Book about matchmaking? Yes, please. My older sister, Lara Jean, made me read it.”

For the first time, Yuri lets herself really look at her. The way her eyes widen, eyebrows slightly raised, when she’s excited. The half-grin she wears like a medal.

Just so nice and sincere.

And it doesn’t help that Yuri can feel her warmth spread down both their arms that she’d almost forgotten were stuck together. There’s something of a super glue between them as Yuri thinks to inch away. She just can’t.

So, she clears her throat.

“Let’s just use this then,” she says flatly.

Kitty gives her a look. “You don’t wanna explore more options?”

“No. I wanna go with whatever you want.”

Kitty flashes her something between a soft smile and a pout. The gears turning in her head show through her eyes, but all she says is a gentle, “Okay.”

“Minho, for the last time, I didn’t use your-“

“Ew,” Yuri drawls. “I’m not Minho.”

Q swivels his head and furrows his brows, watching Yuri shut the door to his dorm room behind her. Wordlessly, she approaches his bed and sits at the foot of it while Q props himself up against the backboard.

“Hi, Yuri…?” says Q. “What, uh, brings you here?”

“I think Kitty likes girls.”

Q’s eyes nearly bulge out of his head.

“What…”

He watches as she rises again and begins pacing back and forth, hand on her chin contemplatively. 

“What… made you think that?” he asks, stiffening.

“Our dance rehearsal last semester… The airport speech… The stairwell… It all makes sense now.”

“Well… Well, I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. Obviously.” Q stutters, barely making it through his own lies coherently. But Yuri just glares at him, eyes narrowed, still skeptical.

“Okay then,” she says and crosses her arms. “You’re going to help me get to the bottom of this.”

“Why do you wanna know so bad,” Q questions, carefully. “Isn’t it - I don’t know - kinda weird to ‘investigate’ someone else’s sexuality?”

Yuri rolls her eyes. “Not when it’s Kitty. It’s my business too.”

To this, Q leans forward, raising a brow.

“How so?” 

“Because it just is.”

Q stares at her for a moment, reading her, like reading fine print. And eventually, he closes his eyes and relinquishes a sigh.

“Fine. Let’s go.”

“Really?” Yuri snorts. “Well, that was easy.”

“You got your hidden agenda and I got mine. Let’s go.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Q props his door open and beckons Yuri to follow.

“I said, let’s go!”

Kitty carefully unlocks the door to her room and peers in to see Juliana sitting at her desk with her headphones on. She tiptoes in, careful not to disturb whatever Juliana’s up to, yet somehow manages to make a few fleeting seconds of eye contact anyway.

She offers a small wave. Much to her luck, Juliana draws her lips into a straight smile and waves back briefly before turning back to her laptop.

Kitty figures she’s got a few options to deal with the sensation of marbles sinking her stomach. Running away again is up there on the list, although she shoves down the idea quicker than she thought of it. Of course, she could sit here and pretend everything is alright. But, the more she looks at the back of Juliana’s head, the worse her heart hurts.

So, she approaches the desk and taps Juliana’s shoulder timidly, then cowers backward a few steps. Juliana moves one side of her headphones off her ear and looks up expectantly.

“I’m sorry to bother you,” Kitty begins, trying not to fidget too much, “but I just wanted to apologize. I feel like we got off on the wrong foot with the jacket situation.”

Juliana sighs and pauses her mix, and removes her headphones entirely.

“Yuri explained it to me,” she says.

“She did?”

“Yeah.”

“And you… understand?”

Juliana shrugs. “I guess. I’m not really mad at you or anything. It was just… weird.”

Kitty nods and makes her way to her bed. “I really hope you’re not mad at Yuri either.”

“We’ll be… fine…” Juliana half-grumbles. Kitty is sure there’s more that she’s missing.

As she formulates more questions in her head that border interrogative, her chance to press further is stolen by the sound of their door cracking open. And much to her shock, Q and Yuri stroll right in.

“Yuri?” says Juliana.

Yuri flashes a quarter-second smile.

“Awkward,” Q mutters before clapping his hands together. “Kitty; Yuri and I were wondering if you would like to watch…” He looks down at Yuri with widening eyes as he realizes they failed to decide on a movie during their short walk over.

Yuri clears her throat. “Uh… Carol…?”

“Ah, yes,” Q continues, nearly cringing, “Carol. Do you wanna watch Carol with us?”

Kitty furrows her eyebrows. “Carol? Why?”

“Oh, you know…” says Q, voice trailing off. “Because… winter…”

“…Winter?”

Yuri shoots her an expression that conveys there is something Kitty must be missing. Obviously. Q notices and mirrors her, crossing his arms.

And to Kitty’s right, Juliana is rolling her eyes and putting her headphones back on.

Kitty huffs. “Sure, but I’m not going unless you invite Juliana, too. Your girlfriend, Yuri, in case you forgot.”

Q and Yuri slowly turn their heads to face each other, and they exchange a look.

This is how Kitty found herself wedged between Yuri and Juliana on a couch that was clearly meant for only two people.

Q sits, amused, a few feet away on the only armchair in the girls’ common space.

Caught in the tension between the other two girls, Kitty fills the room with unwarranted commentary on the film, and superficial questions that the rest of the group eventually gave up on even acknowledging.

“What’s her name again?” Kitty asks for the nth time, pointing to Rooney Mara’s character.

Her friends groan.

“Shut up,” Yuri whispers, smacking Kitty’s arm (and eliciting an over-exaggerated “ow…”). She turns up the volume a few notches. “The good part is coming up.”

They watch intently as Carol and Therese share their first kiss - all but Yuri, whose eyes stay trained on the subtle changes in Kitty’s face with each movement on the screen.

She scrutinizes every twitch of Kitty’s lip, every held breath. It’s enough that she misses the sounds of Juliana mumbling something under her breath and walking in front of the sofa towards the bedroom.

It’s not until the boom of a door slamming shut reverberates through the room that Yuri jolts and finds a now-empty space next to herself.

Her phone dings.

Q Shabazian
great job! very subtle!

Yuri Han disliked “great job! very subtle!”

“Yesterday was a mess,” Q laughs.

Across from him, Yuri scowls and places her iced coffee on the table.

“Juliana hasn’t talked to me all day.”

“Maybe because you spent the entire movie staring at Kitty.”

Yuri crosses her arms and leans back. “It’s not my fault that Kitty invited her.”

Q raises a brow. “You’re the only person I know who would call somebody inviting your girlfriend to a movie night a fault.”

“It wasn’t a movie night,” Yuri demands. “It was a scientific experiment.”

“Oh, really? Because to your girlfriend, it probably looked like you were enamored by some other girl.”

Yuri hesitates.

Q does too.

But he then smirks and leans forward, arms propped on the table, and looks Yuri right in the eye.

“You like her.”

Yuri holds her straight face. “Why would I like her?”

“You’re obsessed with her.”

Yuri sucks in a breath and clasps her hands together. She finally spits it out.

“I… think she likes me.”

Q coughs and slams his iced coffee down, and covers his mouth to shroud his surprise.

“I’m sorry, you think what?”

“Q, she’s tried to kiss me,” Yuri explains. “Or maybe, I’m just seeing things. I don’t know. So I just need to confirm she likes girls, at the very least.”

“You have a girlfriend, Yuri,” Q muttered. “Like, even if she did like girls, why would that matter to you?”

“Because Juliana gets really jealous over our friendship,” Yuri admits. “And I keep insisting that Kitty is straight when, in reality, I really don’t know.”

“And is that the only reason?”

Yuri pauses for a moment to think, and huffs in surrender before changing the subject entirely.

"I'm gonna set her up with a girl," she says blankly.

Q furrows his eyebrows. “What?”

“My parents are out this weekend. I’m gonna have a small thing at my apartment with a few people. You and Kitty need to be there. And no Minho. Please.”

"Yuri..."

“Don’t question me, Q,” Yuri countered, getting up from her seat. She slings her book bag over her shoulder. “Just be there on Saturday.”

Q Shabazian
sooo i should tell you
yuri is figuring out you like girls

Kitty Song-Covey
WHAT???
HOW??????
Oh my god does she know about the crush

Q Shabazian
not YET
but she’s onto you
and idk if u saw the other day but her gf is PISSED.
at ur existence basically

Kitty Song-Covey
So this basically means I must never speak to her again
Or to Juliana
Who is my roommate
Awesome

Q Shabazian
are you going to her apartment??

Kitty Song-Covey
…I’m already here
She gave me a ride…

What should have been a ‘small gathering of friends’ at Yuri’s apartment turns into a crowded living room and a kitchen full of people she barely recognizes.

“My mom is going to kill me,” she mumbles under her breath. She weaves through masses searching for Kitty, dodging greetings and attempted hugs and questions about where the bathroom is. But each time she thinks she’s spotted Kitty, the girl melts into the horde of socializing teens.

What she doesn’t know is that Kitty, still merely feet away from Yuri at any given moment, has made it a point to avoid her for as long as possible. With each “Kitty?!” that she hears Yuri shout, she winces and moves along.

“Have you seen Kitty?” She overhears Yuri asking Q.

Q leans back in his seat on the sofa and shakes his head, feigning obliviousness. “Nope. Have no clue.” It’s not quite a lie, at least.

“Ugh,” Yuri grunts, and turns to make her way back to the opposite side of the room.

On the edge of defeat, she finds herself bumping into Minho, who promptly straightens out his suit jacket and curls his lip.

“What are you doing here, Minho?”

“Watch it, Yuri, this is my favorite suit,” says Minho, simultaneously.

“You say that about every suit,” Yuri deadpans.

“Whatever. Just get out of my way.”

Minho shoves past her, to which Yuri’s mouth drops as she snaps around.

“Minho, you need to lose that attitude before I kick you out of my apartment,” she taunts in Korean.

Minho snickers and turns too, hands in his pockets.

“This is an apartment? Looks more like a shack to me-“

“Whoa whoa whoa,” Kitty shouts, slipping between the two. She laughs nervously. “No idea what you’re saying, but please stop.”

“Kitty! I’ve been looking for you all over,” says Yuri, already having forgotten about Minho.

Minho scoffs. “Of course you have.” He struts away.

“What was that all about?” Kitty questions, voice infused with a sense of seriousness.

“Nothing,” Yuri answers quickly. “Kitty, I need to introduce you to my friend, Zoa. She wants to get to know you.”

Kitty raises a brow. “Who the hell is Zoa?”

Wordlessly, Yuri leads her to the living room, where Madison has begun organizing a select few into what looks like an attempt at a circle.

“What’s going on?” Yuri asks her, scanning the room for Zoa. 

“We’re playing a game,” says Madison, matter-of-factly. “You have to join.”

“No, I’m looking for-“

“Let’s join,” Kitty insists, making every attempt to create space between Yuri and herself. Without hesitation, she takes a seat next to Juliana, forcing Yuri to squeeze in begrudgingly between Minho and Q.

“What’s the game?” Kitty asks Juliana. She adds a sweet smile for extra measure.

“Madison hasn’t told us yet,” Juliana replies.

They watch eagerly as Madison runs to the kitchen and returns with an empty glass soda bottle.

Yuri’s face falls and she flashes Madison a stone-cold look. “You’re not serious.”

“Relax,” Madison implores, giggling.

“Are we twelve?” Yuri grunts and begins standing up before Q grabs her shoulder and pushes her back down. As Yuri glowers at him, he paints on a faux-innocent smirk.

“This is not Spin The Bottle. You’ll still spin the bottle and everything, but whoever it lands on has to join you in the closet for two minutes.” Madison places the bottle in the center of their failed circle. “Yuri, you should demonstrate.”

Yuri scoffs. “This is so immature.”

“Hey, it’s only two minutes,” Madison defends, as if it could help. “Just do it.”

“She’s too much of a wuss,” Minho mocks, and looks to Q who doesn’t reciprocate the amusement.

Yuri narrows her eyes at him and exhales.

“Okay, poopy baby.”

Without looking up to catch Minho’s pale, horrified face, or the way Juliana clenches her jaw, or even the way Kitty swallows thickly and heaves a breath, Yuri grabs the glass bottle and spins it.

Hard.

It spins and spins and spins, until it inevitably slows to an excruciating velocity, and everyone around her leans forward gradually, anxious to see who it lands on.

It’s Kitty.

Of course, it’s Kitty.

It’s always Kitty.

The circle falls silent as everybody looks at one another in disbelief.

“You can just spin again,” Kitty suggests nervously, snapping Yuri out of her panic.

Madison snorts. “No, you can’t.”

“You could’ve just not spun in the first place,” Juliana mumbles.

“Kitty, get up,” Yuri sighs, and everybody around them oohs. “It’s not like that,” she snaps.

Kitty’s expressions distort into a blend of confusion and astoundment. “Whoa, we’re actually doing this?”

“What?” Yuri snorts. “Sit in a closet in silence for two minutes? I’m not scared of that.”

Madison practically shoves them into the hallway closet, and they’re forced to depend on the light leaking through the slats on the door. The closet could almost be mistaken for a small room given its generous size, so each girl assumes a seat on opposite walls.

Kitty chuckles to herself, getting as comfortable as she could on a hardwood floor.

“What’s so funny?” Yuri asks, her interest unmistakably genuine.

Kitty waves it off. “Nothing.”

“Tell me.”

“We’re…” Kitty stifles another chuckle. “You’re back in the closet.”

Yuri gasps, exaggerating just slightly, and gapes at Kitty knowing the other girl couldn’t see regardless. “I feel like you’re not supposed to be making those kinds of jokes if you’re straight,” she quips.

“Well, good thing I’m…” Kitty cringes to herself.

“You’re what?”

Kitty gulps.

“...Great friends with you!" she saves, "So you won’t rat me out…?” It comes off more as a question and Yuri struggles to think nothing of it.

“Sure.”

They spend the remainder of their time in silence, and after the two minutes are up, Madison beckons them out.

“Ugh,” Madison groans. “You two are boring.”

Yuri rolls her eyes and struts out of the closet and back to the living room, with Kitty trailing behind her. Her attention falls back to the circle, where Juliana is no longer to be found. Her eyes dart aimlessly between each corner and crevice of the living space until she decides to check her bedroom. She makes her way to her door and takes a breath before twisting the knob.

“Baby,” says Yuri, tiptoeing into the room.

Juliana shuts her eyes. “Go away.”

“Hey, please don’t be angry with me…”

“How could I not, Yuri?” Juliana finally looks up at Yuri who stands still and towers over her, yet manages to look smaller. “You’ve been chasing down Kitty all night and you’ve barely even acknowledged my existence.”

“I… didn’t think you were paying attention to me. You were with all your friends. I was just trying to set Kitty up with Zoa. And I thought you needed space anyway.” Yuri sucks in a breath and takes a seat next to Juliana on the ground.

Immediately, Juliana rolls her eyes and scootches away.

“Yeah, I said I wanted space. I didn’t say I wanted to be forgotten.”

Yuri tucks her knees towards her chest and rests her chin. “I didn’t forget about you! I was just… playing matchmaker…”

“Oh, and so all the times you told me that Kitty is straight were just lies?” Juliana asks, expressionless.

“I…”

She wants to tell the truth. She wants to share all her suspicions, that maybe Kitty is not as straight as she once assumed.

It’s just not her place. She shuts up.

Juliana purses her lips. “I thought so.”

Squeezing her eyes shut, Yuri sighs and leans back against her bed, and settles on a white lie. “No, Juliana,” she pleads. “Zoa was the one who’s interested and I just thought that maybe-“

"Yuri..."

Kitty stands like a statue underneath the doorframe, eyes darting between the two other girls, and Yuri sinks into herself as she realizes she had forgotten to close the door behind her.

“I’m sorry,” Kitty whispers as her face flushes. “Yuri, I saw you come in here and never come out; I just wanted to see if you’re okay…”

Juliana chuckles to herself with something between malice and heartache. “I’m sure she’s glad you care so much about her.”

She lifts herself off the ground, and Yuri instantly follows as she gently reaches for Juliana’s hand. Her touch is instantly dodged.

Kitty watches the interaction closely, chewing her bottom lip. Eventually, she musters up the courage to say, “Juliana, I’m sorry, I really am. I’m leaving now, if that makes it any better.” Her stare moves to Yuri, and it almost appears to have softened once their eyes meet, though Yuri tries to deny herself the luxury of believing that it actually did. 

And with a deep breath, Kitty lies.

“I’m straight. Don’t worry.”

Without waiting for a reaction, Kitty turns on her heels and marches away, head held high until she rounds the corner. She looks over her shoulder briefly to ensure that Yuri hasn’t followed.

Tears well up in her eyes. She knows she can’t cry here.

“Kitty,” she hears someone call.

But the voice is deep, and it’s definitely Minho’s, and something feels like a knife to the chest upon the realization that his voice is not Yuri’s.

Her stomach sinks with the realization that Yuri won’t chase after her.

Yet, unbeknownst to her, in a bedroom that feels oceans away, Yuri tries.

Yuri calls out her name too, voice lost in the bassy music, and maneuvers past Juliana towards the door. But Juliana reaches out and grabs her wrist, only to then glare at her with what feels, in that moment, like contempt.

Juliana lets go as their eyes meet.

“You’re unbelievable.”

She sees herself out, leaving Yuri to stand there, petrified, with nothing more to say.

Chapter Text

“Sorry your plan fell apart.”

Q’s voice melts under the sound of dense traffic as Yuri looks up at strobing lights flooding out of her apartment window. They sit shoulder to shoulder, each fidgeting with a drink, and they squirm uncomfortably on the stone-cold steps outside of the building.

Yuri’s phone fades to a black screen and she groans. The low battery icon flickers back at her, almost tauntingly. Maybe it’s no use; the fifteen unanswered calls to Juliana and twenty unread texts to Kitty begin to weigh her down. Her shoulders drop. Desperation was never a good look on her.

“I don’t know what I was thinking,” she whispers. A sharp gust of wind accompanies her shaky words in dissonance.

Q offers her an apologetic smile.

“Do you know what you’re feeling?” he asks, easing into the question.

“I feel lost,” Yuri admits. She swallows hard and tightens her grip on her soda can. “I love Juliana and I hate myself for being so…”

“So…?”

She eyes the cars passing by until they become blurs of red and hot white.

“Distracted. And for not giving her my time.”

Drumming his fingers against the side of his bottle with gentle clicks, Q shrugs.

“Your time is yours to spend. I guess the real question is why you wanted to spend all of it on Kitty.”

And the pit in Yuri’s stomach tightens and falls into itself at the sound of Kitty’s name leaving someone’s lips.

The question lingers and rings in Yuri’s ear throughout the rest of the week.

She had almost forgotten what it’s like to be alone. Here she is again for the ninth time in a row, trapped between old, half-genuine acquaintances, as she picks at her lunch.

It doesn’t help that Juliana is nowhere in her sight, no matter how many times she scans the cafeteria for the familiar face. And it doesn’t help that Kitty sits tables away, averting her eyes as Yuri offers a small wave.

Q shoots a sorry look from the other table and pulls out his phone, tapping briefly. Yuri feels a buzz in her pocket.

Q Shabazian
you don’t have to isolate yourself…

Yuri rolls her eyes, and Q sneers back.

Yuri Han
Guess you’ve forgotten the last time I stood within ten feet of Kitty.

She’s never quite gotten used to being rejected. At least, that’s all she could think of as Kitty stormed out of the cafeteria several days prior at the mere sight of Yuri approaching her, leaving behind a sad bowl of seaweed salad and dozens of burning eyes staring across the distance.

Q Shabazian
she doesnt hate you
i hope you know that
she just doesnt wanna mess up your life

Yuri Han
She’s not.
Just wish Juliana would talk to me so we can all work this out

Q Shabazian
well like i said the other day she probably just needs some space

Yuri rolls her eyes and replies once more before shutting her phone off and leaving the cafeteria.

Yuri Han
Well I’m trying again tonight

The rest of the day moves slowly and quietly, even for a Friday, until she finds herself in front of Juliana and Kitty’s dorm.

She taps her foot nervously and glances down at the heap of unanswered texts she had sent to Juliana just hours before. The words beam back at her mockingly, but she swallows her pride and knocks a fist against the door.

Seconds pass and the door swings open, revealing Juliana draped in comfortable sweats accessorized by her sunken eyes.

Yuri’s mouth goes dry.

“Is Kitty here?” she asks.

“Are you fucking serious, Yuri?” Juliana grumbles and moves to shut the door. But there’s no fire laced in her voice anymore, no malice. Only exhaustion.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that,” Yuri pleads, stopping the momentum of the door with her palm. She winces. “I just wanted to make sure you’re alone.”

“I am alone. And I want to be left alone.”

Yuri sighs. “I know that.” She squeezes between Juliana and the doorframe, making her way into the living space, to which Juliana only rolls her eyes. Yuri carefully shuts the door behind them.

Juliana leans against the wall and crosses her arms.

“So?”

“So, I want to apologize,” Yuri begins. “I know that ever since last semester, I haven’t been very… present.” She inhales slowly. “I never meant to make you feel forgotten and I’d do anything for us to be okay again.” She pauses.

“Is that right?”

“I promise.”

“And have you even stopped to think about why we’re not okay?”

“I know I’ve been paying too much attention to other things, baby, but-“

“No, you don’t get it.” Juliana shakes her head. “I don’t need your attention if that’s all you can give me.”

“I don’t know what you mean by that,” Yuri lies, avoiding her glare.

“It’s so obvious, Yuri,” Juliana scoffs. “To everyone. Except for you.”

“What are you talking about?”

Her nose is stuffy now, eyes burning. She tugs at the hem of her shirt, pressing the smooth fabric between her fingers in an attempt to ground herself.

“I’m talking about the way that you look at her.” Juliana’s voice cracks. “About the way that you talk about her, non-stop - Kitty this, Kitty that.”

“There’s nothing happening between me and Kitty!” Yuri’s pleas bounce against the walls. “We’re friends. That’s all we ever were.”

“You can’t tell me she doesn’t feel anything for you at all.”

Yuri chuffed. “I don’t know that for sure.”

“Yet you care. Don’t you?” Juliana presses herself further into the wall, balled fists squeezing tighter. “Look right at me,” she says quietly, “and tell me you’ve never felt anything for her.”

The room falls quiet and fills with the ticking of a wall clock.

When Yuri doesn’t answer, Juliana turns her head to stare at the floor.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

Yuri’s eyebrows furrow. “What?”

“The anger and confusion. The constant fear of being second place. I think I already am.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I love you, but I don’t know you.” Juliana’s eyes go red behind the shimmer of salty tears. “Not anymore.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” Yuri whispers, shaking.

“Are you sure? Or are you just scared of everything changing?”

“Can I say both?” asks Yuri, accenting it with a half-laugh so pathetically masking the tears spilling to the floor.

But Juliana doesn’t crack a smile.

Instead, she pushes herself away from the wall, head ducked in a weak attempt to hide the makeup streaking down her cheeks. She wraps her fingers around the doorknob gingerly and opens it for Yuri, who stands shellshocked before her.

“I really hope you figure your shit out, Yuri,” Juliana says. “I just don’t wanna keep hurting in the process.” She corners Yuri until the girl has no choice but to shuffle backwards into the hallway.

“Wait-“

“I’ll be fine,” Juliana mumbles. “Just go.”

Then the door shuts in her face with a gentle thud, too gentle. There’s no fire laced in the heavy air that lingers, no malice. Only exhaustion.

Kitty’s not sure what’s bothering her more: the ringing in her ears from the piercing silence, or the fact that it’s nearing the mid-term and they’ve made no progress on their English project at all.

Maybe, instead, what bothers her the most is the flickering overhead light in her favorite study spot that the school has yet to fix.

Outside, the landscape of KISS is pitch black, omit the streetlamps peppered along each pathway. She pulls her stare away from her own faint reflection in the window pane and begins to type frantically, but the words evolve into nothing - just bland language and misspellings that her mind is too numb to care for. Her hands halt mid-sentence and she squeezes her eyes shut, forcing a deep breath for self-composure, yet the image of Yuri’s teary pout is still burned into the back of her eyelids.

Still, she tries to think nothing of the way Yuri’s voice trembled that night at her party, until she hears it echoing through the empty room. Her eyes flutter open in half-belief that her mind is playing tricks. But she hears it again - a weak “Kitty?” - and her vision readjusts to make out the figure standing merely meters in front of her.

“Are you working on our project?” Yuri asks, the question woven with timidness.

Kitty can only bring herself to nod.

Yuri glances around at the overhead lights that have given out and at the weak glow of the lamp standing tall behind Kitty, illuminating her outline. She sighs and plants herself in the seat next to her, without further hesitation to hinder the surge of boldness that courses through her.

Avoiding Kitty’s eyes, she reaches for the laptop and mutters, “I’m helping whether you like it or not.”

And Kitty scoffs, but it’s masked by a groan and the grimace that washes over Yuri’s face as she scrolls through their document.

“Kitty,” Yuri whines, “literally none of this makes any sense.”

“Well, sorry for not being a modern-day Jane Austen,” Kitty mumbles, sinking into herself.

“Well, we both know you’re better than this.”

Kitty’s not sure if she wants to laugh or cry. Instead, she musters up enough snark to say:

“Please don’t let your girlfriend hear you say anything nice about me.”

They sit in silence for several moments, baking in the tension that consumes them. An apology waits at the tip of Kitty’s tongue, but she swallows it back, wondering if she’s better off saying nothing for the rest of her life.

When Yuri decides to speak again, she stares down at her own hands.

“Juliana and I broke up tonight,” she utters breathily. 

The other girl’s jaw goes slack and hangs for half a second before she clenches her teeth and gulps thickly.

“I’m…” Kitty stammers. “I’m so sorry, Yuri.” She winces, lungs aching.

Yuri shakes her head. “She was right to be mad, but…”

Kitty falters, visibly. “So is this your way of saying you want nothing to do with me anymore?” she interrupts.

“No,” Yuri affirms, the two-letter word bursting with more confidence than any line that had left either of their lips. “Of course not.” She pauses for a beat and whispers, “I just want to tell you how much I need you in my life. Now, more than ever.”

“But I cost you your relationship,” Kitty sputters.

“This isn’t your fault.”

“All of this is my fault.” Kitty picks at the skin around her thumbnail nervously. “I should have just been honest with both of you.”

”What do you mean?”

“I need to tell you something.”

Confused, Yuri stares back at her so pitifully that Kitty worries she might lose her nerve. But she continues on, her focus diverting to the floor.

She bites the bullet, once and for all.

“Juliana was right. I’m not straight. I’m bisexual.”

Yuri blinks.

Kitty wonders if she can eat back her words.

But, still, she continues.

“She probably saw right through me and got suspicious, and I get that she didn’t want me around you anymore. God, I’ve wracked my brain for weeks wondering how she could’ve known, if she did. But I promise that I tried everything I could to stay out of your way.”

Yuri says nothing at first, letting blood rush to her face in something between shock and exhilaration.

“Since when?” she asks simply, scanning Kitty’s changing expressions.

“Last semester.”

“I’m happy for you, Kitty.”

The genuineness of each word is highlighted by the glint in the knowing look they share.

Though, if Yuri wanted to be more honest with herself, she’d sink further into the pillowy feeling she found herself floating in. Her heart feels light for a fraction of a moment, a grin threatening to form across her lips.

But reality is scary. The way she drowns in the hesitant glimmer in Kitty’s eyes, so closely, sends a terrifying shiver down her spine. Because when the view in front of her falls into slow-motion and suddenly the pounding of her heartbeat threatens to break free from her chest, the beginnings of her grin disguise as a subtle frown. Kitty eyes it, heart dropping to the floor.

“Maybe I can fix this,” Kitty offers weakly.

She chokes on her own words and they graze her tongue like shards of glass, but she holds her gaze at Yuri’s defeated demeanor like it’s the last time.

“I’m not sure that’s what I want right now,” says Yuri. It’s so quiet that she wonders if it was merely a thought echoing in her head.

“Whatever you need,” Kitty whispers. “I would do anything for you.”

“Really?”

Kitty nods. “Really.”

Yuri’s breath hitches, her vision blurred by tears and the blue haze that shrouds her, and in the moment, she feels like she could die. Her lips part to speak but she can’t choke out her words. They fall out eventually, like a wave crashing on a shore, letting her drown.

Then it comes out like a silent weep.

“I would too. And that scares me.”

Kitty’s face flushes white. She says nothing, scrutinizing the way Yuri’s eyes flick downwards at her lips, the way Yuri’s chest rises with a deep breath.

But there’s nothing more than the sound of Yuri’s shaky exhale that fills the room. Just a strange peacefulness in the air that holds them still, looking at each other, waiting for the next move. And Yuri lets herself wonder, even just for a moment, if they could stay like this forever.

“Are you okay?” Kitty finally asks, feeling her throat desiccate with each syllable.

Yuri sniffs and says, just under her breath, “Yeah. I’m fine.”

Hastily, she rises and grabs the jacket she had splayed over the back of her seat. “Let’s work on this another time,” she nearly pleads. She hugs the jacket close to herself and begins to walk back towards the hallway without another word.

”Yuri?” Kitty’s voice almost squeaks.

Yuri stops in her tracks and turns to face the other girl expectantly, but her eyes quickly dart from Kitty’s to the space in front of her feet.

“Yeah?”

”You can always talk to me about anything.”

Lips pressed tightly together, Yuri pulls on a smile. As it burns her cheeks, she turns again, and drops it altogether.

It turns out, despite all the words that have piled up in the back of her mind, that Yuri has decided that talking to Kitty is too hard.

Because when Kitty looks at her with an expression midway from hopeful to anxious, it feels like her heart is being torn in half.

The questions are scalding at the base of her throat:

What am I to you?

Do you know what you are to me?

Two weeks, four honest attempts, and seven self-pep talks later, Yuri sits before her, motionless and statue-like, one more time with widened eyes and with the blood flushed out of her cheeks.

“Hello? Earth to Yuri?” Kitty snaps in Yuri’s face and points to the round, pink plate on the table. “This is, like, the fifth time this week you’ve left your lunch untouched.”

“Oh,” says Yuri, snapping back to reality. She stares down at her food and pushes the salad around.

“Are you unwell?” Kitty asks.

It’s so genuine that Yuri can almost feel her teeth ache at the sweetness. Who was she to lie?

But with each day that passes, she finds it easier to convince herself that everything is okay. The company helps, she has told herself, each time she finds herself sandwiched between Kitty and Q in the latter’s dorm for another compulsory movie night. You need a distraction, Kitty would assert, punching the play button on the remote.

She never watches the movies. She’d tell Q that straight rom-coms are not my thing! and dismiss his cocked brow and playful jab to her rib every time he catches her fixating on Kitty’s animated reactions to the guy getting the girl.

It’s as annoying as it is endearing.

Yet the risk of losing this mirage of normalcy weighs down on her shoulders, so she straightens her posture and smiles. 

“I’m alright,” she insists, taking a nibble of her food for show.

“Yeah, alright,” Kitty grunts sarcastically.

“No, really,” Yuri whines, “I’m… fine…”

Her gaze drifts over Kitty’s shoulder towards the door of the coffee shop as it swings open. The serene chimes harmonize with the acoustic guitar playing over the speakers, and Juliana walks in with a girl whose name Yuri has never learned.

Kitty furrows her brows and she swivels in her seat. Unluckily, her eyes meet Juliana’s, and they both look away as fast as their bodies would allow. Kitty cringes, turning back to Yuri with burning-hot ears.

“Oh,” she says, looking down to pick at her own food now. “That was awkward.”

“Well, it could mean nothing.”

“You wanna get out of here?”

Yuri shakes her head, forcing another bite of her vegetables.

“I’m fine when I’m with you,” she says. She spits it out so fast that she barely processes the words before they are gone.

And if she paid any more attention, she’d catch how Kitty’s breath hitched at her words, or even the way Juliana’s stare lingered at the back of her head.

All that matters is the soft, delicate corners of Kitty’s grin.

Kitty Song-Covey
Do you think Yuri likes me?

Kitty taps the send button and shoots Q a forcedly deadpan look from the other sofa across the room.

Tonight’s choice for movie night was Mean Girls - Kitty’s choice, as always, despite Q’s moaning and groaning about how he had already seen it. Kitty had just waved him off and sunk into her seat.

Any other day, she’d be enamored by Regina George’s anger displayed onscreen as she scrawled FUGLY SLUT into her Burn Book. But today, as loose papers flurry through the halls of North Shore High, she catches herself stealing glances to her left.

Yuri’s head flicks to face the screen, the motion so indistinct in the corner of Kitty’s eye as she sneaks another look. It gets mistaken for imagination. That’s what Kitty tries to remind herself as she locks eyes with Q.

Her phone buzzes.

Q Shabazian
why don’t you ask her

Kitty groans, audibly enough that Yuri tears her attention from the film and peeks to her right.

“Everything okay?” Yuri asks.

“Never better,” Kitty chokes out, grimacing to herself after Yuri narrows her eyes and turns away.

Q Shabazian
stop staring at her so hard

Yuri Han reacted 👎

Yuri Han
She stared first

Q Shabazian
i mean she does seem a littleeee preoccupied now

The nightclub is packed, wall to wall. Colorful lights pulse to the beat of the heavy synth ripping through the atmosphere, enough to blind her, but she couldn’t help but watch from afar. In front of Kitty was another girl, wearing her long, dyed blonde hair in a thick ponytail that swayed with the music as they danced.

Yuri Han
Who even is that?

Admittedly, jealousy is not the prettiest look on her. Not when her scowl shines through her full-glam glow so dominantly that the drunk boy next to her asks if she’s alright. She shoos him off and storms away. Q, with a boy’s arms wrapped loosely around his waist, is far too busy to notice.

Kitty finds her forty-five minutes later at the bar with her head propped against her hand as she nurses a mocktail.

“There you are,” Kitty exhales. She plops down next to her and stretches out her legs. “My feet are killing me.”

“Too much dancing?” Yuri jests, lightly enough that Kitty doesn't seem to give it a second thought.

“Yeah, you missed out.”

Cold droplets coat Yuri’s fingertips but she grips tighter around the crystal glass. Her lips curl into a little smirk.

“Do you have one more dance left in you?”

A beaming energy washes over Kitty’s face at the question, and without hesitation, she slips off the barstool and extends a hand.

“Anything for you.”

And Yuri wants to implode at the sugary smoothness in Kitty’s words, to tuck her loose wavy hairs behind her ears and feel the warmth of her rosy cheeks. To search beneath her broad smile for something more.

She decides it’s enough for tonight to take her hand and memorize the feeling of her skin against her own.

The floor is uncomfortable but Kitty doesn’t mind. She shifts, tucking her legs in so that she’s cross-legged, and runs her fingers through Yuri’s fine fur rug.

Yuri sits across from her with her legs extended and her back against the footer of her bed. “The conclusion needs work, but I think we’re fine,” she says swiftly, shutting her laptop closed.

Five hours into their project session, Kitty could barely keep her eyes open.

“God, I can’t wait until this semester is over,” she complains.

”Hey, don’t say that. What am I gonna do the whole summer without you?” Yuri wails. She holds her palm to the left side of her chest, half-feigning heartache.

“You could always come to Portland,” Kitty teases with a subtle lilt.

Yuri snorts. “What, like Minho?” 

“Please, don’t remind me.”

“It couldn’t have been that bad.”

“Well, it wasn’t, until I had to basically reject him during a very expensive dinner date.”

“Right…” Yuri sharply sucks in a breath. “Well, if he’s as good of a friend to you as I’d hope he is, then he won’t hold that against you,” she asserts matter-of-factly.

Kitty thinks for a moment and ahems.

“He and I talked the night of your party and we agreed to just forget about winter break entirely.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“It should be,” Kitty mutters, “but I just feel stupid for believing he and I could be that easy. That life could throw me happiness on a silver platter and it would be enough for me. But he’s not enough.”

“It’s really not that easy,” Yuri says carefully.

“Oh, I know,” Kitty bites, “and now I have to deal with the aftermath of my drama-free semester ending before it even began.”

Yuri’s face contorts. She places her laptop aside and tucks her knees towards her chest, hugging her arms around them. “I’m sorry,” is all she says as she plays with the rings on her fingers.

“Sorry,” Kitty echoes, shoulders slumping. “I don’t know what I’m saying.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Yuri sighs. She swipes a stray strand of hair out of her eyes and scoots inches closer to the other girl. “I really didn’t mean to drag you into my bullshit, too.”

“It’s my-“ Kitty begins, but Yuri raises a hand to interject.

“If you say it’s your fault one more time, I’m gonna kick you out.”

Kitty shrinks into herself more, eyes weary in a way Yuri can’t read. 

“Okay, you know I didn’t actually mean that,” Yuri adds. Her voice is low, nearing a hum, in tune with the gentle rhythm strumming through her record player speakers.

She goes on.

“For what it’s worth, I know how you feel.”

Kitty lets out a fleeting, cynical chuckle that dissolves in her apprehension. “You do?”

“Sometimes you can’t control what you want and don’t want,” Yuri states firmly, face going stone. She clenches her jaw.

As her restless hands still, Kitty's demeanor wavers.

“Did you want her?" she couldn't help but question.

Yuri tilts her head back, resting it against the footboard, and shuts her eyes.

“Juliana was my first love, but when she left me, I realized I couldn’t tell the difference between love and familiarity anymore."

“Shouldn’t those things go together?”

“Maybe with the right person.”

“Oh.”

“Just trust me when I tell you that whatever happened between me and Juliana was never your fault.”

Neither girl dares to move a muscle. They study the flooring, the lines in the hardwood, following the grooves between each slat like it’s the most interesting thing in the world.

But Kitty wants to scream instead, to release the electric pain striking her chest with a sharp shriek until she can’t hear the worries running through her mind. She looks up from the ground and searches for the courage to finally say:

“Then why do I feel like my stomach is being ripped out?”

Rapt, Yuri’s head tilts slightly to the side and she watches carefully. Moonlight cuts through the gap in her curtains, casting a faint shadow across Kitty’s frown where the bedside lamps don’t reach her. The spinning vinyl comes to a stop and the last notes of a song ring out, leaving them with the fuzzy sounds of wind and car horns and the record player needle mechanically retracting.

Kitty’s words overlap, caked in tension, and she holds her breath for too long, waiting for anything in response. And part of her hopes that Yuri would pull on a sneer and ask her to leave, because then she wouldn’t have to bear the racing thoughts through her head as she watches Yuri’s eyes lock onto her glossed lips.

Yuri licks her own instinctively, suddenly so observant of the way Kitty trembles - and in lieu of anything cohesive, she gently guides her hand to the back of Kitty’s neck.

“Can I just…?”

Her fingertips are scorching, burning through Kitty’s skin with each half-beat that passes, but Kitty finds herself paralyzed as her own heartbeat deafens her. Yuri is inching closer, her deep gaze unblinking, and Kitty can only ask one thing.

“What are you doing?”

Yuri says nothing and caresses Kitty’s jawline with her thumb before narrowing the gap between them, so close they can hear each other’s breaths. Kitty leans forward. Their lips barely graze and their eyes flutter closed in sync with each other and with the flicker of the ceiling light above them.

Final thoughts grace Yuri’s consciousness before she tunes out the world. Her ears ring and her peripheral vision turns to static. Suddenly, nothing else exists except the girl in front of her. 

Her lips finally crash into Kitty’s with an addicting fervor.

Neither of them can manage to pull away, locked in by a magnetic force that builds inside them like pressure against their ribs. Yuri ignores the ache in her bones and barely catches her breath before cupping Kitty’s cheek and pulling her closer.

Kitty can only melt into the kisses, each one searing and almost desperate, as her trembling hand finds its way to Yuri’s shoulder. She drags it along Yuri’s arm, feeling the warmth soak through the fabric of her sleeve.

She hesitates to touch too firmly, to lean in too closely, with the fear of this moment dying looming over her hauntingly. Her stomach churns.

Yet the bitterness inside Kitty dissipates, replaced by the distraction of an unfamiliar taste of chapstick and mint.

Yuri can’t let go now. Not when Kitty’s lips are moving so languidly against hers that she wonders if she’s dreaming. But it’s real, their spark etched into the way they each suppress a whimper when Yuri’s fingers tangle in Kitty’s wavy hair. And then it’s too real, the way Kitty’s hand raises to rest against the side of Yuri’s neck, fingertips caressing the baby hairs on her nape.

Her heartbeat thumps and her throat constricts until she’s frozen, and Kitty pulls away.

Yuri’s eyes dart between each of Kitty’s. Kitty blinks back, chest rising and falling with each ragged breath.

“I’m so sorry,” Yuri mumbles, running her fingers through her hair and pushing herself away. The air becomes stifling and thick. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Why did you…” Kitty stammers. Her brows furrow. “Why did you do that?”

“I’m sorry,” Yuri repeats. She stands up hastily and clears her throat, smoothing out her clothes. “We should get you back to KISS. It’s late.”

“Oh,” is all Kitty can manage. But she lets herself ache in the silence between them along the ride to campus.

Chapter Text

The worst part of it all, Yuri realizes, is that the world kept spinning.

That’s what she notices in the heat of the moment as her mind outraces her sleep-sludge. 8 AM sunrays cut through the trees and reflect off the green-red-brown of the track and field - then suddenly her shoulders are squaring and her face hurts from the scowl painting itself across her mouth.

She stares down the scene. Minho and Kitty sit side by side on the bleachers, sharing what looks like a laugh, the sides of their arms pressed against one another. At least it looks that way, from about a hundred meters afar, from this angle. She tells herself it’s a trick of the light.

To her left on the sidelines of the track, Q waves her down between lunge stretches, but she offers only a good luck! before blinking Minho back into focus.

And then it happens too quickly because it happens without thinking. Yuri stomps up the bleachers, enough to draw attention but not enough to spill over the announcer’s rumbling through tinny speakers, not enough to earn Kitty’s heed until they’re face to face on the top row.

Minho and Kitty stare up at her with squinting eyes, fighting the bright, golden sunlight that outlines her silhouette.

”Hi,” Yuri deadpans with her hands planted on her hips. Her gaze volleys between Minho and Kitty before it locks in on the two inches of dead space between them.

Somehow, she musters the nerve and the finesse to shimmy herself into the gap - a growly christ… slipping off Minho’s tongue, though he still shifts begrudgingly to his right as Yuri’s thigh hits his own - and she plants herself firmly in the middle, even as Kitty scoffs and makes distance.

“What?” Yuri feigns ignorance and points to the KISS logo on her regrettably polyester shirt. “I’m just here to support Q!”

Kitty doesn’t look at her. Instead, she cups her hands in an O around her mouth and screams - loud enough to drown out the thuds of her pulse - a hearty “let’s go Q!” She scoots further away and says nothing for the rest of the race.

It comes out like a cheap excuse.

“Let’s work on our project later,” Yuri requests, leaning over Kitty’s desk in the middle of the English classroom.

Pencil twirling lazily between her polished fingers, Kitty’s eyes flutter upwards for a beat, but she can’t bear to watch Yuri’s lips curl into a sickeningly sweet smile. It’s somewhere close to hopeful and she tells herself she hates it.

“I’m busy later,” she puts it bluntly. Her eyes scan the words scrawled across her notebook in a pathetic attempt to sham disinterest.

“C’mon, what happened to staying on top of school?”

Kitty snorts. “Oh, like you suddenly care about school…”

Yuri puffs a breath.

“You haven’t been replying to my texts.”

Kitty clenches her jaw.

Before she can retort, the bell rings, and Professor Lee is already making his way to the front of the classroom. He wordlessly narrows in on Yuri as she sighs and relents to the last empty seat in the back row.

She wonders if Kitty pretends not to feel the stare aimed at the back of her head for the rest of the hour.

Yuri Han
Hey can we talk? It’s been days

Yuri Han
Ugh please don’t ignore me

Yuri Han
:(

“You need to explain,” Q hisses, taking Yuri by the hand and dragging her into his room.

He slams the door shut and the sound of students shuffling to their classes drowns into a dull roar.

“I don’t know!” Yuri whines, fingers rubbing at her temples.

Q lets out a sarcastic laugh. “Kitty comes to my room at two in the morning crying her ass off, telling me you made out with her - and you just have zero explanation?” He leans against the door and crosses his arms. “Kitty cried so hard that even Dae and Minho know what you did.”

“So, I’m guessing they hate me too. That’s great.”

Q hums. “Well, for the record, they were more mad about being woken up than whatever weird situation you have going on with Kitty.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What I mean is that we all just want this drama to finally end.”

”Okay, so tell me how to fix this,” Yuri begs, reaching up to grab Q by the shoulders and give a half-gentle shake. “She’s completely ignoring me, no matter how badly I wanna make things right.” She groans, throwing herself onto the sofa and burying her face in her hands. “Tell me what to do.”

”Start by reflecting on your own actions first.” Q drops his bookbag and sits next to her.

“It happened too fast,” says Yuri. “We were having a heart-to-heart and I think I just blacked out... We were talking about love and desires, and…” Yuri fidgets nervously with the cuff of her shirtsleeve. ”…do you remember when you thought I was obsessed with Kitty?”

“I do still think that, yes,” Q scoffs. 

Yuri rolls her eyes.

“Juliana said the same thing the night we broke up. And when she asked if I had feelings for Kitty, I just stood there. Like an idiot. I wanted to answer, but why should I? Why do I care about another girl so much that it… that it makes my head hurt?”

She’s rambling now, words tripping out like water. She runs a hand through her long, black hair, pushing the sides out of her face, and glares over at Q.

Q inhales slowly.

“Yuri,” he says, gingerly intertwining his fingers with hers. “I’m gonna hold your hand when I say this: Sometimes you are quite literally the densest person I know.”

Outside, the sun dims as clouds pass over, but a ray peeks through the curtains and casts a shadow over Q’s knowing look.

Yuri thinks for a moment, then shakes her head, eyes glued to the floor.

“Trust me, I think I know what this is.” She looks back at Q. “And it’s going to ruin everything.”

“Maybe it won’t,” Q says, and he cautiously mutters, “Maybe it’s fate.”

He rises to his feet and slings his bag back over his shoulder. Extending a hand out to Yuri, he helps her up, and wraps a solacing arm loosely around her as he guides them towards class.

Q Shabazian
has she talked to you yet?

Kitty Song-Covey
Yeahhhh about that
I’m kinda not letting her

Q Shabazian
hm.
i think you should.
or are you just gonna be emo the entire trip?

Kitty Song-Covey
I’m not emo!!!

The semester field trip ends up being - at least, in Alex’s words - an immersion into decades-long history and culture. Or, in Yuri’s words, a two-day snoozefest several hours outside of Seoul.

It’s all meaningless, she insists, as she flips through the packet. She traces the black-inked words boredly; History Field Trip Assignment in bold letters. Choose one painting; what message is the artist conveying? it says on page three.

Stupid assignment. Stupid trip.

Below her, the floor of the coach bus gently rumbles as the engine hums. Students shuffle in one by one, placing their bags into the overhead bins. Yuri squirms impatiently, legs tense and sandwiched between herself and the reclined seat in front of her.

“Q, I have no space,” she huffs, reaching over and nudging his shoulder.

He looks up, frowning innocently and says, “If it can recline… then I’m reclining…”

Beside him, Dae chuckles and puts in his earbuds.

Yuri doesn’t argue. The caffeine won’t kick in for another hour and she accepts that fact. Grumbling nonsense to herself, she unlatches her seatbelt to stand up and sacrifice the window seat for the aisle.

But as her head begins to peek over the back of Q’s seat, she’s met with the sight of Kitty bursting through the bus doors shouting, “I’m here! I’m here!”

Annoyed, Professor Lee ticks her name off the list on his clipboard and signals to the bus driver.

“You’re late,” is all he grouses.

Slightly disheveled from the long run from the dorms to the school lobby, Kitty snakes down the aisle, searching for her seat. Two, three, seven, ten rows in - each two-seat pair is filled and she forgets the mere idea of snagging a window seat.

Reality takes a sharp left jab and right hook to her face when the only empty seat is right next to Yuri.

“Oh,” she says as Yuri recoils back into the scratchy, blue and grey upholstery.

Kitty’s eyes widen briefly, then she crouches down next to Dae at eye-level.

”Sit with Yuri and I’ll sit here,” she hisses, shaking his arm.

”Huh?” Oblivious, Dae plucks out an earbud.

The bus jerks and Kitty jostles with it. Behind her, Professor Lee yells sternly.

“Take a seat, Miss Covey.”

It’s too late now; the bus begins taxiing out of the parking lot and she has no choice but to reluctantly stow her bag and slip into the empty spot next to the other girl.

They don’t talk the whole ride. It hurts. Yuri wants to ask about her morning and to hear all about how she overslept her alarms. It’s all speculation - but she can’t refrain from seeing through her.

They don’t talk the whole ride, so Kitty drifts off to sleep, blind to the way Yuri studies how her hair curtains the side of her head as it tilts closer to her shoulder. She lets her body slump backwards and towards Yuri, conscience going dark.

Eventually, unbeknownst to Kitty, her head is propped firmly on Yuri’s shoulder as she snoozes.

Yuri exhales the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. Each muscle in her arm stiffens despite her weak attempts to assuage the tension. A wave of Kitty’s floral scented perfume feels like sword-stabs to the chest. For now, she doesn’t care.

When no one is looking, she shuts her eyes and leans her head on Kitty’s, knowing they’ll ignore the whole thing when they wake up at the end of the road.

For now, she doesn’t care.

“Is this supposed to be a person?” Yuri whispers in Korean, face distorting into something midway between confusion and disgust.

”I think it’s supposed to be an animal?” Dae replies, unsure, his brows raised.

They stand cross-armed in front of an obscure brown sculpture, both of them nearly as still as the figure. What could be its eyes appear to watch them back, and Dae shudders.

Yuri huffs and grumbles, “This is boring.” She spins on her toes and marches towards a glass case in the center of the exhibit, filled end to end with an assortment of pottery. She feigns interest as she circles the display.

Though, she can’t seem to help but sneak a look across the gallery.

Facing the wall, Kitty is towered over by a ten-foot-tall painting but she’s looking down, seeming to be scrawling something half-assed on her assignment packet. Yuri approaches her, inchmeal, watching the shimmer of jewelry catch the bright light shining towards the art display.

”Hey,” Yuri says.

”Hi.”

Kitty doesn’t mind her. Suddenly, she’s just so enthralled by the brushstrokes and the composition, that she ignores Yuri raising a finger to point at her collar.

”Your necklace is on backwards,” Yuri informs, admiring the shiny gemstone that’s been obscured by a gold-plated backing.

“Right.” Kitty places her pen and papers down on the nearby bench and reaches behind her neck.

”Ugh,” she complains, fumbling with the necklace but failing to unhook it.

Yuri decides she can’t masquerade as invested in the artwork, and steps behind Kitty without a word. She gathers her hair and pushes it over her shoulder, letting herself linger with each movement. Kitty’s hands hesitantly drop the chain, and Yuri’s delicate fingers manage to work the clasp undone. She flips the pendant and refastens it before scooping Kitty’s long waves and letting them fall down her back.

As Yuri’s hands drop back to her side, she swallows thickly and balls her fists to stop the tremor. Still, she wonders if she could’ve lingered a little bit longer.

Yuri Han
I’m outside your door

The thin, brown carpet under her fuzzy slippers scratches with each step towards the hotel room, number 143. Yuri shudders and hugs her arms, seeking heat from the friction of her palms as she comes to a full stop.

Slowly, the door creaks open. Kitty shuffles into the warm hallway lights that subtly illuminate her slightly tousled hair and furrowed brows. Arms folded close to her chest, she props the door open with her foot and asks simply, ”What are you doing here?”

”Couldn’t sleep,” Yuri whispers.

Kitty rolls her eyes. “Well, I was about to fall asleep, so thanks.”

”Can I stay here?” Yuri asks anyway, her gaze not leaving Kitty’s flushed, bare face.

“Madison’s here,” says Kitty, bluntly with a sigh, and she cracks the door open wider.

Yuri glances over Kitty’s shoulder to take in the view: Madison sprawled across one of two full-sized beds with a fluffy eye mask obscuring her face, a leg tangled in the sheets while the other stays exposed to the crisp air conditioning. Her small snores fade out, absorbed by the pillow mashed into the side of her head.

“I don’t mind,” Yuri says.

And, without much consideration, she adds:

“We can just share your bed.”

Kitty’s lips part to speak but her jaw stays hung, and she shuts it promptly with a thick gulp. Her eyes widen, then narrow, yet Yuri keeps her resolve despite the way Kitty can’t seem to decide between a smile and a frown.

“I’m sorry - what?” Kitty hisses.

She flinches at the sound of Madison stirring in her sleep. 

“Look,” Yuri begins, hushed. She peers down at her own hands and fiddles with her cellphone uncomfortably, rocking slightly on the balls of her feet. “I got stuck rooming with Juliana. Lee said I couldn’t switch, and it’s so awkward that I can’t sleep, so I just really need my best friend right now.”

Kitty has never known what a million marbles in her throat could feel like, but in this moment, she worries she might. Yet, as Yuri sheepishly peeks up at her through long, batted eyelashes, her mind shifts to autopilot. Before she can stop herself, she’s stepping back into the room and holding the heavy door wide, allowing the other girl to saunter in with a satisfied smile.

Because, who was she to say no?

Yuri assumes her place on the left side of the bed and tucks herself under the cloud-white covers. She fluffs up a pillow and slots it between herself and the dark wood headboard, leaning back and humming. Sinking into the feathers and cotton, she almost misses Kitty’s grim glare from the other end of the room.

“What?” Yuri raises a brow.

“Just making yourself at home, aren’t you?” Kitty chuffs.

“Well, if you’re not, then I will.”

“You took my side of the bed.”

“Whatever,” Yuri snorts quietly. Immediately, she maneuvers aside. She nestles herself under the comforter fully, sacrificing her neatly-brushed hair as she lays flat and buries further into the bed. “Come,” she beckons, patting the now-vacant pillow next to her head.

Kitty obliges, trudging over to meet her below the covers, leveraging a faux-annoyed expression that ultimately gets her nowhere. Yuri just smiles at her stupidly with an expectant look. She’d be damned if she didn’t play into it.

“I guess this is kind of comfy.” It’s a lie. Maybe a half-lie or maybe it’s nothing at all. She tells herself there’s no comfort in the heat radiating off Yuri’s body and seeping through the fabric of her pajama shirt, enveloping them in a lingering heaviness. No comfort in the sound of her pulse. No comfort in the second-long gaze they exchange before Kitty’s eyes drift to the ceiling. She starts to shiver.

Yuri inhales and traces the seams at the edge of her pillowcase mindlessly, but her eyes never leave Kitty. They follow the line of her jaw down to the exposed skin by her neck where the collar of her sleep shirt sags. They watch as Kitty fidgets with the drawstrings of her shorts, wrapping one tightly around a perfectly manicured finger.

Eventually, Yuri’s stifled mumble cuts into the quietude. 

“Thanks for always being here for me,” she says. “I don’t blame you for avoiding me, so I was kind of expecting you to slam the door in my face.”

”Well,” Kitty says, coiling the drawstring tighter, her fingertip going white, “if there’s anything I’ve learned this semester, it’s that I can’t escape you even when I try.”

”It’s like we’re connected even when we argue.”

Kitty relinquishes an airy chuckle. She blinks at the ceiling before turning her head to flash a sullen look over to the other girl.

“I’m sorry for avoiding you,” she admits. “I guess I’ve been scared to hear what you have to say, because no matter what, I’m sure someone will get hurt.”

”I don’t want to hurt you.” Yuri ponders for a beat and squeezes her eyes shut, and tacks on a meek, “I’m sorry, for what happened.”

“Which part?” Kitty asks, the question barely making a sound.

“The part when I said I shouldn’t have done it.”

Kitty’s somber gaze twists into something blank.

“Did you regret it?” she wonders.

Yuri plasters on a shy smile and shakes her head no.

They stay like this for a moment - fighting the urge to reach out for each other, yet frozen in the fear of disturbing the unspoken understanding between themselves. It’s much easier, Kitty thinks, to lay still and fixate on the sound of the faucet dripping. That’s what she decides to do, and she sinks further into the mattress. She counts the seconds with each drip, listening closely to the hollow echoes ricocheting off porcelain and tile.

Then, as the rhythmic sounds evanesce into nothing, Kitty clears her throat and says:

“Goodnight, Yuri.”

She flicks off the bedside lamp and the room fades to black. The only color that remains is from the distant city lights that ornament a lonely, grey-blue view. Kitty turns away, towards the floor-to-ceiling window, locking her eyes on the skyline behind the faint outline of her own reflection.

Yuri wakes up to the feeling of a mellow weight wrapped lazily around her waist.

She groans, squeezing her eyes shut from the piercing sunlight flooding through the crack in the window drapes. Her sight blurs as her eyelids flutter open momentarily, but giving into the faint drowsiness, her back slumps deeper into the too-cozy bed.

That is, until she hears a loud camera shutter sound and a muttered fuck! - and her eyes snap open.

Madison towers over her, shrouded in a fluffy blue bathrobe, with her toothbrush sticking out to the side of her mouth. Her shower-drenched hair drips all over the hardwood floor. With her eyebrows scrunched, she fidgets with her phone until the ringer is set to silent and she sighs in relief.

But she steals a quick glance back at Yuri who stares right back at her with narrowed eyes. She jumps back startled, with a tiny yelp that’s muffled in the back of her throat.

“That’s awkward,” she murmurs. Her eyes pass back and forth between Yuri and somewhere to Yuri’s side, as she taps her phone over mouth to hide the devious smirk she can’t suppress.

Slowly, Yuri follows her line of sight. When the turning of her head is stopped by a mouthful of hair, she flinches.

Despite Madison’s hearty laughter filling the dead silence, all Yuri can process is Kitty, tucked peacefully into her side with her head fitted into the crook of Yuri’s neck. Yuri stiffens, her eyes tracing along Kitty’s arm. It snakes across her, holding her closely, fingers lightly brushing Yuri’s midriff where the hem of her silk shirt had hitched up.

She almost misses the way their legs are entangled underneath the sheets, exchanging warmth. Smooth skin pressing into smooth skin. And she can’t think too much of it, not as Kitty stirs awake from the hammering in Yuri’s chest that even Madison can hear from afar.

“Did you take a picture?” Yuri snaps, propping herself up - and Kitty jolts up at this, retracting her body away faster than Yuri can finish the sentence.

Kitty retreats back until she is near the edge of the bed. Flustered, she sits silently with her back against the headboard and her hands folded neatly on her lap.

”Yes,” Madison snorts bluntly, showing the phone towards the dazed pair.

Yuri looks at it then looks at Kitty.

Kitty ducks her head, but it doesn’t mask the ruby blush from her cheeks down along her neck.

“I need to go get ready.” Kitty’s words are slurred and rushed as they pour out, and she doesn’t wait for Yuri’s reaction before slipping out from under the covers. She slides her feet into her slippers, scoops up her toiletry bag, and stomps into the bathroom.

Yuri wipes the sleep out of her eyes and glares back at Madison.

“Delete that.”

Madison giggles. “Don’t worry,” she drawls, “I won’t show Juliana.”

Yuri shakes her head. “I don’t care,” she says firmly. “Don’t embarrass Kitty like that.”

Madison looks up and ponders, exaggerating thoughtfulness through the way she contorts her expressions. She shrugs and clicks her phone back on.

“Fine.”

She taps at the screen for a prolonged moment, then flashes her camera roll to Yuri, showcasing the lack of the compromising photo. “Gone.”

She saunters away. She grabs the end of the toothbrush and begins to polish her molars, but it doesn’t mute the low interesting… she mumbles to herself.

Yuri exhales deeply. She taps her own phone awake, and holds her breath again at the sight of:

Madison Miller
a lil treat for you
[1 Attachment.]

Colossal trees line the pathway that winds seemingly endlessly through the national park, engulfing the group of students in shade. A tour guide’s voice bellows up front through a staticky megaphone, rambling on about foliage and geography and local communities, but his words are lost to side-chatter and loud breezes that pass in waves.

“-and then I wake up and we’re literally cuddling - well, actually, it was mostly just me - but it’s not even my fault because I probably thought she was a pillow or something in my sleep, and-“

Wedged between Minho and Q, Kitty whisper-yells in a fury as her hands wave animatedly in the air.

Minho pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Just tell her already, Covey.”

Kitty whips her head, wide-eyed. “Uh, no,” she seethes. “And risk even more humiliation if I read this all wrong? I’ll pass.”

Q groans, then brings his voice to a hush. 

“How many times do I have to tell you that Yuri is in love with you?”

“I do not believe you,” Kitty states matter-of-factly. “I need to hear it with my own ears,” she adds, pointing at them.

Behind her, Dae and Yuri approach.

“What’s that about me?” Yuri interjects, slotting herself in between Minho and Kitty. Minho’s eyes roll but they hold no true heaviness, even as they wander and catch a glimpse of Yuri’s hand lightly grazing the back of Kitty’s. Instead, he suppresses a knowing smirk and falls back to walk next to Dae. 

Kitty clenches her jaw at the sudden, silky voice, but lets herself relax as Yuri flashes her a soft expression.

“Just talking shit about you,” Kitty manages to spit out lightheartedly. With a chill traversing down her spine from a stabbing gust of wind, she shivers and rubs her arms.

“Take my jacket,” Yuri demands in an instant, pulling the thick blazer off her arms and playfully tossing it to Kitty. “Or do you want me to cuddle you ‘til you're warm?”

Kitty’s limbs go rigid once more, head throbbing from the stress of ignoring Yuri’s fond gaze. ”Oh, god,” she groans under her breath, fighting the desire to shrivel up and sink into the ground beneath herself. 

”Relax,” Yuri drawls, through a bashful yet perky grin, “I… liked it.”

Kitty says nothing and bites her lip. She eyes up the jacket in her hands, running a thumb over the delicate fabric and heaving a deep breath. Carefully, she shrugs the jacket on, sighing at the instant warmth and the strong scent of Yuri’s perfume.

Then, much to her own surprise, the corner of her lips twitches up as a sudden boldness surges through her.

“Alright,” she says, “so same time tonight?”

And Yuri stands still, dumbly, mouth half-ajar and half-smiling, suspended in the moment as Kitty simply shoots a small smirk over her shoulder while continuing down the trail. Yuri shakes her head and a speechless chuckle leaves her.

She trudges along but never quite catches back up to Kitty. Maybe another day, she’d tell herself it was the uphill trek that turned her legs into jelly - but today, as she lets herself fall behind to watch the subtle bounce in Kitty’s step and the sway of her cascading hair, she also lets herself accept it.

(Kitty’s pace matches up with Q’s, and he turns to her, squinting suspiciously.

“So, are you trying to flirt with her, or a different F-word?”

”Shut up!” Kitty punches him friskily in the upper arm.

”Just saying.”)

Impatiently, Yuri watches the bedside clock flash rhythmically, desperately awaiting 9:00 PM. Lost in the LED, she jumps at the click of the bathroom door unlocking. Juliana steps out and offers a half-smile, her lips pulled into a straight line, but dodges Yuri’s gape and makes her way to her bed.

The hotel is old and cozy. At least, that’s what Yuri concludes as she surveys the outdated crown moulding along the ceiling, trying to replace the stale ambiance looming over them with something easier to stomach. She dwells on the peeling wallpaper at the corner of the room, the yellowish tint of the floor lamp light near the dresser. And when her waiting finally rounds out, she jumps to her feet and heads to the door without missing a beat.

“Going to Kitty’s room?”

Juliana’s voice slices the silence and Yuri’s hand comes to a stop as it reaches for the door handle.

”Don’t worry, it’s fine,” Juliana sighs, then beams a tiny, almost-cheeky grin. “At least send back Madison this time instead of completely ditching me,” she jokes.

Yuri wants to laugh but she doesn’t. She gulps, nearly wincing at the dryness at the top of her throat.

“You were right. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m figuring my shit out, like you said I should,” Yuri mumbles, facing Juliana. She looks down at her hands. “I hope you find what you’re looking for, too.”

“I will,” Juliana says. It’s firm and jagged but gentle at the seams, woven with hope and contentment despite the fraying edges. “And maybe eventually, we can all start over.”

”I would love that.”

Yuri can’t help but smile as she nods her head and finally looks at the other girl. Without another word, she opens the door and slips out.

The ride back to KISS the following morning was as lively as it was dreadful. Raindrops hammered against the large, tinted windows as the coach bus maneuvered through the dense traffic into Seoul. Yet, the atmosphere was vibrant with rapid conversation and banter passing back and forth like ping-pong between seats 12A and 12B.

Kitty revels in the memory of it as she lays flat on her back across the length of her dorm suite sofa, head spinning with each recollection. There’s not much to piece together, she realizes. Faded in the back of her mind are images from the corner of her eye of Yuri’s attentive stare. She wants to think nothing of how Yuri’s eyes never moved away, even as Kitty turned to meet them, but she’s already swallowed in the jittery feeling that this lone fact ensues.

The thump of the front door shutting snaps Kitty out of her internal world. She sits up and leans back against the arm rest, bringing a throw pillow close and embracing it tightly. Juliana enters the suite, tossing Kitty a polite, jaded smile, making her way towards her own room.

“Juliana?”

Kitty squeaks it out like she’s barely able to breathe.

As Juliana halts and looks over with a slightly cocked brow, Kitty quickly realizes that she has nothing to say.

“Hm?” Juliana asks.

Clutching the pillow harder, Kitty settles for something concise and true.

“I know we got off on the wrong foot, so I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry for how things have gone down this semester.”

Juliana inhales slowly and deeply, then lets it out. She leans against the kitchen counter and shrugs, her face unreadable but undeniably calm.

“Look, I’m not gonna act like I wanna be your best friend - but I’m also not gonna act like you did anything wrong.”

“I appreciate that.”

“Let’s just… try to get through the rest of this semester. As roommates.”

Kitty parts her lips to offer another thank-you, but is promptly interrupted by a loud buzz.

Juliana looks down at her phone and her face scrunches.

Praveena
hey! there’s an event at the Sugar Bar tonight and i’d love to take you

“What’s wrong?” Kitty pries, rising from the sofa.

“Nothing,” Juliana dismisses, “just… this girl invited me to a queer club tonight, and I don’t know how to tell her my ex is the surprise guest DJ…”

Kitty fidgets with her bracelets.

“Yuri’s playing tonight?”

“Yeah…” says Juliana, cautiously. “I’m a little surprised she didn’t tell you.”

Kitty lets out a breathy laugh. “We’ve kind of been a little… rocky… in the communication department…”

“Okay, well…” Juliana backs away and begins to open her bedroom door. “…good luck with that?”

And that’s the last of it. Kitty stands motionless for several moments with only the company of her racing thoughts, until she pulls her phone out of her pocket and opens her messages.

Kitty Song-Covey
Q, we’re going out tonight. VERY IMPORTANT

“Come on, we’re already late!”

Q groans and throws his head back as Kitty drags him by the arm out of their taxi.

The pair race towards the front door of the club, only to be met with a seemingly never-ending line of teenagers from the bouncer to the end of the block.

“End of the line,” the bouncer grunts, pointing towards the distance.

“What? No, I need to see Yuri!” Kitty cries.

“And so do all of these kids.” The bouncer motions towards the teens who half-scowl at Kitty, annoyed, then taps on his clipboard with a pen. “So, unless you’re on her list, go to the end of the line.”

Kitty and Q swap wide-eyed guises, and Kitty shrugs.

“Kitty Song-Covey and Q Shabazian,” she says.

It comes out more like an eager question, so much so that the guard narrows his eyes momentarily before scanning through his list - but once he nears the bottom, he relents with a gruff sigh.

Slowly, he unlatches the velvet rope, and Kitty can’t contain a squeal.

She grabs Q’s wrist once more and tugs him into the club.

The air is smokey and glowing, with beams of light strobing in time with the flow of an electropop number blasting through large speakers. Kitty can barely see through the throng of dancing bodies from the mocktail bar to the small stage, and from her view near the back of the room, the front-and-center figure appears to be merely a silhouette in front of a pinkish fog. 

It’s not that she didn’t expect it - it was hard not to, with YURI HAN having begun to trend online minutes after her set had kicked off - but through the obstructions, she still misses the way that Yuri examines the faces in the room and hides behind her smeared-on smile for the cameras.

Left, right. Left, right. Yuri’s scrutiny takes never-ending passes over the crowd, the cheer in her face becoming heavier and heavier to hold.

But when the light hits at just the right angle, she sees Kitty approaching the center of the floor.

Kitty is awestruck, her bones rattling with each pound of the kick drum. Despite the colors and commotion surrounding her, all she can see is Yuri - elevated on a platform fifteen feet away.

Yuri’s fingers pause on the faders and knobs, and she wonders to herself if this is a dream. Her lips curl up gradually in realization. She watches Kitty mirror her, cheeks stinging from the wide grin she can’t conceal. The music goes fuzzy in her brain, devolving into a deep beat that punches through her body. It aches in the best way, like warmth consuming her whole.

Yuri releases a breath she had held for too long, and the weight of the world lifts off her shoulders - because Kitty is comfort in the chaos, and chaos in the normalcy. And for the first time in a while, Yuri surrenders to her own reality.

She wants to scream it out in a forest and let the truth echo in her head until it’s all she can think about. To hear it in her dreams so clearly that it reverberates as she wakes. But for now, as the tempo of the world descends to largo, she succumbs to the feeling of a million volts of electricity coursing through her.

By the time Yuri’s set ended, Kitty had already begun snaking her way out of the crowd. Yuri watches her closely, forfeiting the glory of massive applause filling the room. Rather, she tosses off her headphones and scampers down the stage.

“Kitty,” she calls out, swimming through a mass of fans begging for a photo. She catches a glimpse of auburn locks turning a corner towards the back door, and follows the trail until she’s stepping outside, into rare serenity in the middle of Seoul.

”Shit, when did it start raining again?” she grumbles to herself, looking upwards. All she can see is citylight and smog, and the faint blur of the moon behind thick, greyish clouds.

At the sound of her voice, Kitty looks over at her.

Kitty’s face lights up and she heaves in a long breath.

“That was a great set,” she offers, “even though I kind of missed half of it…”

Yuri puffs a wispy chuckle. ”Well, I’m just glad you actually came.”

They lean against a cinder block pillar under an overhanging balcony, shielded from the downpour striking puddles that coat the roads. Cars and taxis and buses whiz past, headlights reflecting off the water and into their eyes. So they study the ground and the space between their feet. They find comfort in the cracks in the pavement. But even then, the stillness suffocates them, burning their lungs until they can’t help but say:

“Look, Kitty-“

”I just wanna say-“

Yuri’s head perks up and she turns so slightly, leaning her side against the wall.

Kitty follows suit; she faces the other girl but holds her head higher, and she straightens up before taking one meek step forward.

”Me first,” she insists.

The overhead flood lights cast a soft glow around Yuri, accentuated by the purple haze from the club’s signage, and Kitty wants to shrink back at the sight. Instead, she wipes her clammy hands on her skirt and clears her throat.

“I’ve never really had the chance to tell you the truth, because there was never really a right time, and there probably never will be a right time - so here it is.” She inhales deeply. “I learned what love really is when I learned that I love you. That’s what I wanted to tell you at the airport. That’s what I’ve been trying to hide from you since the moment I saw how happy you were, with the way things were… Even when it hurts like hell, you still end up being the only person I’d give the world to.”

She doesn’t realize she’s crying until Yuri’s thumb is swiping the tears off her cheekbone.

“You’re my best friend, Yuri,” she whispers, voice wavering. “But I can’t keep pretending that it’s not taking everything in me to hold back from feeling the way I feel about you.”

With a small sniff, she giggles to herself defeatedly and wipes the back of her palm over her eyes. “Okay, your turn to speak,” she sighs, searching Yuri’s expressions for anything more than the slight upward tilt at the edge of her lips.

Then she finds nothing. Or, whatever’s buried under Yuri’s shaking, watery eyes is too obscure to read. So she panics. And panics, panics, panics - until her brain goes fuzzy again. She wants to run. Somewhere far where Yuri can’t see the beet-red of her cheeks flooding the rest of her face, down to her neck. Somewhere Yuri can’t hear the nervous hiccup in her breath evolving into a shaky exhale, even if she listened closely.

Before she can think twice, she turns on her heel and walks into the pouring rain, eastward towards KISS but with no real direction. She lets the rain soak into her shirt as her sopping hair falls flat down the sides of her face.

When the last of her nerve dissolves into a half-sob, dampened by the muffled bass leaking out of the nightclub, she almost misses the reverent call from behind.

”Wait,” Yuri manages to choke out.

And Yuri runs, shoes sloshing through pools in the sidewalk but she doesn’t care. Despite it all, she runs, stopping only when she’s almost toe-to-toe with the girl.

It’s dark enough that she can only see the redness in Kitty’s eyes when the streetlights hit her right. Delicately, she raises a hand and lets her trembling fingers tuck a damp lock of reddish hair behind Kitty’s ear.

This time, she doesn’t ignore the warmth that radiates through her body as she brushes against Kitty’s skin, nor the urge to cup her cheek tenderly and guide her. Kitty obliges, shuffling millimeters forward, reluctantly. Yuri’s focus flicks down to her lips, but Kitty’s eyes stay on hers when they meet for half a moment.

Mouth drying, Yuri swallows and she reaches into the back of her mind to find something right to say. When she comes up empty-handed, all she offers is a small grin.

”What?” Kitty asks quietly, brows furrowed and raised. It’s lost to the soundscape of the city.

Yuri doesn’t hear it.

But, instinctively, her palm drifts from Kitty’s cheek to the back of her neck, and she surges forward.

Their lips press deeply into each other and linger before Yuri pulls away slightly, just to smile against Kitty’s lips through the taste of salt and rainwater and cherry gloss.

The kiss is messy and desirous and fluid and perfect. It’s nerve-wracking in all the right ways, and so Yuri kisses her, again and again and again, until they both can’t breath. Yuri decides, as she drowns deeper into the deafening silence and the ringing in her ears, that the world had stilled just for them.

So she slips her other hand up to caress Kitty’s jaw, feeling Kitty’s own shaking hands come up to gently grip her waist. Yuri blinks through the raindrops, tilting Kitty’s chin to lock their eyes. 

“I can’t keep pretending that I’m not yours,” Yuri whispers.

Kitty clutches the side of Yuri’s jacket, feeling gravity drop, feeling a clap of thunder rip through her chest and buzz throughout her being. She tugs softly and guides Yuri into another searing kiss. They hold each other close, moving effortlessly with one another underneath midnight stars.