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Seteth stared at the new professor before him, trying to comprehend what he had just heard. “You want to establish what?”
“A mandatory board game night,” Byleth repeated with the same emotionless expression as before; if this was a joke, they were very good at not showing it, “to further improve the bond and camaraderie between the houses.”
“While that is a laudable pursuit, I don’t think…”
Seteth flinched slightly when the professor suddenly grabbed one of his shoulders. Their eyes stared into his, and for a fraction of a second, Seteth thought he could see something behind those eyes, something incomprehensible, unfathomable, as if the ghosts of a thousand unmade souls stared at him from realms that never were, and all of them seemed cross.
When the professor spoke, their voice was unnervingly calm. “It is in the churches best interest to keep the relationship between the empire, the kingdom and the alliance amicable, isn’t it?”
“Yes”, was all Seteth could say.
“We should ensure that all three houses are on good terms with each other; the house leaders especially. We wouldn’t want… international complications to happen, right?”
“Right.”
“And communal activities are a good way of doing that, wouldn’t you agree?”
“That is… not unreasonable, I suppose.”
“So… board game night?”
Seteth nodded in defeat. “Board game night!”
Claude studied his notes carefully before he said, “It was Hubert, with the axe, in the dining hall!” Lysithea checked her cards and shook her head, but Annette handed one of hers over. Claude made a note on his pad before he returned it.
On her turn, Lysithea moved her piece from the market place all the way to the other side of the board before she made her accusation. “It was Hubert, with the poison, on the training grounds!”
“You ever wonder what kind of clues we’re supposed to find in this game?” Claude asked as Annette shared another of her cards. “You’d think that if someone was murdered with an axe, it would be obvious that they didn’t die by poison.”
Annette laughed. “It’s just a game Claude. One that you’re about to lose because I’m gonna solve this crime now!” She declared triumphantly, “It was Hubert, with the gauntlets, in the stables!”
This caused a disgruntled reaction from the fourth player at the table. “Is there any particular reason why I’m always the one being suspected?”
The other players stared at Hubert in silent disbelief, until Claude said, “Dude, look at yourself!”
“Church tax! Pay 2000 G like a good little believer. Praise Seiros!” Dorothea groaned as she handed two of her few bills over to Lorenz.
The heir of house Gloucester had insisted that he be in charge of the bank, since it was his noble duty to make sure that commoners don’t have access to this much money, even if it was fake. Those weren’t his words exactly, but it was what Dorothea, Leonie and Ashe took away.
It was Leonie’s turn now, and the dice were merciful to her. She got to move past the two most expensive properties, both already under Lorenz’s control, collected her money for passing Go Forth, and landed on the exact property she had wanted.
“I buy Sauin Village for 60 G!”
Lorenz wrinkled his nobly plucked eyebrows as she handed him her money.
“Are you sure this is a wise investment, Leonie? You already have two of the three Burgundy territories; it would be more prudent to concentrate your efforts over there.”
“Who are you calling prude?” Leonie didn’t bother hiding her irritation. “I know what I’m doing, Lorenz! I have a plan…” She had no plan whatsoever. Truth be told, a game where she had to handle more fake money than she’d ever have in real money was not her idea of fun.
Ashe was next, and the dice weren’t nearly as merciful to him. In the middle of free or reasonably priced properties, he landed on the only one where Lorenz had already built a hotel.
“How very kind of you to visit my humble establishment,” said the least humble man in the monastery. “That will be a measly little 1200 G, thank you very much. I assure you your money will be put to good use!” As he said that his eyes were already wandering to the piles of green houses and red hotels in the box.
Ashe, Dorothea and Leonie’s eyes met; each of them looked like they were ready to shove their silver figurines up Lorenz’s noble nose.
Raphael stared blankly at the dice in his hand. “I thought I was supposed to fight your soldiers?”
Ingrid nodded patiently. “Yes, and you use the dice to do so.”
“Oh, do I throw them at…?”
“No! We both roll our dice, and if your numbers are better than mine, you win.”
Raphael still looked puzzled. “But how can they win if they’re not strong?” He picked up one of his army figures and held it up to Ingrid’s face. “Look at them, they’re wimpy! I bet they don’t even lift!”
While Ingrid tried in vain to explain the rules of the game to Raphael, Ferdinand had just finished doing the same to Petra. She had listened intently and nodded. “I think I have understanding of the game now!”
“Splendid! Then I believe you are ready to make your first move!”
“Very well, I will be attacking this territory!” She pointed at a spot in the west of Adrestia.
Ferdinand looked at the map. “May I ask why?”
“To reach Brigid, of course.”
“But your objective is to conquer, sorry, I mean liberate Faerghus! Why would you attempt to take over a territory all the way over there?”
Petra gave him a stern look. “It is my home! I am not leaving it in the hands of those filthy green figures!”
They giggled again, and Caspar was starting to get furious.
“Am I doing something wrong?” he asked through gritted teeth.
“No, not at all!” Hilda clearly tried to stifle a laugh. Next to her, Sylvain looked like he was holding back a hundred silly japes.
“The goal of the game is to earn points by building towns and stuff, did I get that right?” asked Caspar.
The other two nodded.
“And to do that, I need resources, like wood, right?”
“Yes.” Hilda nodded again.
“And if I don’t have enough of that, because someone”, he shot Sylvain an angry look, “keeps putting the bandit on the one forest where I have a village, then I should try to trade some of my other resources for wood, right?”
“Makes perfect sense,” answered Sylvain.
“And since I have towns bordering three different pastures, I’m not likely to run out of sheep, so it’s reasonable to trade those for what I need, right?”
Once more, his two opponents nodded.
“THEN WHY ARE YOU TWO ALWAYS GIGGLING WHEN I WANT WOOD FOR SHEEP?”
Felix shrugged in defeat. “I don’t know? Lady Rhea?”
Edelgard looked at him incredulously. “It’s a wyvern, obviously!” She pointed at the canvas that displayed her rushed masterpiece. “See, that’s the wing…”
“That’s supposed to be a wing? I thought it was a giant ear!”
“Why would I draw Rhea with a giant ear?”
Felix shrugged. “I thought you don’t like her.”
Edelgard returned to her seat, dejected; still no points for her team.
Bernadetta now approached the canvas and hurriedly scribbled a couple of lines on it.
“Penitence!” cried Ignatz.
“Yes!” cried Bernadetta.
“What?” cried Felix and Edelgard.
As Bernadetta returned to her seat and got a very meek high-five from Ignatz, Edelgard sighed in defeat. This was the last time she’d let those two be on the same team in Pictionary!
“Marianne?”
“Y-yes?”
“Can I ask you something?” Dimitri spoke the way a very big man handled very fine porcelain; delicately, afraid to break something if he applied too much pressure. “I am very thankful that you agreed to play with me of course, and I don’t mean to make you feel bad, but I just had a thought and I would like to hear your answer.”
“Alright?” Marianne replied meekly.
“You know what the goal of the game is, right?”
“O-of course! I have to beat your king, yes?”
“Right. And in turn, you have to protect your own king, too!”
“Yes, of course.”
“Good. I’m sorry if me asking came across as rude, it’s just… I had a feeling that you spend more time protecting your knights than your king.”
Hearing these words, Marianne’s face slowly but surely started to visibly heat up. “I don’t want to put them in danger!”
Dimitri realized that his suspicions had been correct. “Because they look like horses?”
By now Marianne looked like she tried to hide behind her own hair. “I like horses.”
The wheel slowed down more and more, until it finally stopped.
Flayn frowned as she moved her little toy cart three spaces forward. It landed exactly on the one space she didn’t want to land on!
“Twins”, said Linhardt, “how exciting for you.”
“Where do I even put them?” Flayn’s little green cart had only six slots for passengers, two of which were occupied by the pink stick that represented Flayn herself and the blue stick that was ostensibly her husband. The remaining four slots were already filled with children from previous spaces; there was simply no room for more.
“I guess the big happy family will just have to move a bit closer together.” Linhardt sounded infuriatingly chipper.
Since she had no other choice, Flayn kind of wedged the two new sticks in between the six others, which looked positively ridiculous.
“You know, I have been thinking.” Flayn did not like the tone in Linhardt’s voice. “So many children would be a good sample size for a study on crest heritability, especially if at least one of the parents had a crest of particular rarity.”
“How utterly fascinating,” said Flayn curtly.
“Just imagine,” Linhardt continued unbothered, “if your husband had the same crest as you, for example, would that crest have a higher chance of being passed on than if you two had different crests, or only one of you had one? I feel six children would be an adequate number for a decent sample size.”
“I wish to hear nothing more of your sample sizes, thank you very much.”
It was Linhardt’s turn now. The wheel moved him a measly two spaces forward, landing him on a space that Flayn had been on just a few rounds prior. “A son,” he said with not an ounce of emotion in his voice, “oh joy.”
Flayn couldn’t help but tease him. “Are you not excited to have a little offspring of your own?”
“Oh no, I have no interest in having children myself”, said Linhardt, but then his expression turned contemplative, “unless…”
Flayn didn’t know what mad thought had occupied his mind just then; as she landed on her next space and had to pay 5000 G per child to send them all to summer school she only knew one thing: she should have listened to her father and gone to college.
Petra looked at the board in front of her with wild befuddlement.
After her crushing victory in the first game of the night, she felt confident enough to play another, but this one’s mechanics confused her. She held a piece of the contraption in her hand and asked, “Are we really needing a stop sign, a lamp post, a boot, a set of stairs, two buckets and a bath tub just to be catching a mouse? This is a very ineffective way of hunting rodents!”