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For a man who was kidnapped and forced by the Highwaymen to do their bidding for months, Nick is remarkably cheerful. He gets right to work around Prosperity, running the garage and fixing vehicles for everyone to use when they go out hunting and scavenging, and talks to everyone in that chatty way of his that Kim adores.
Of course, she's so glad to see him happy (she's so glad to see him at all, to be honest; after he was taken from her, Kim doubted she would ever see her husband again), but Kim knows what the Highwaymen are capable of, and she fears what they might have done to Nick while he was forced to work for them. But she doesn't ask him about his time with the awful gang; he seems happy to get back to normal, and Kim doesn't want to ruin that for him. Besides, she might just be worrying about nothing; they might have treated Nick well (as well as you can treat someone you're holding prisoner) and he's just happy to be home.
Kim keeps telling herself this until she discovers something one night, getting some painful evidence that Nick is very much not okay.
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Only a few days after the Captain rescued Nick and brought him home, Kim curls up in bed. She normally sleeps through the night, so when she stirs, Kim wonders if something woke her (such as Carmina coming to them like she did when she was little, climbing into bed with Kim and Nick in the tiny room the three of them shared in the bunker, seeking reassurance after a nightmare), so she opens her eyes and stares around the room. And what she sees breaks her goddamn heart.
Nick sits at the end of the bed, facing away from her, the darkness unable to hide the way his entire frame trembles—but it’s way too hot for him to be shivering. A muffled, shuddering noise bursts out of him and he hunches forward, shaking harder as he suppresses the… sobs. Her cheerful, silly, friendly, strong, protective husband is crying in the middle of the night, muffling his sobs for whatever reason.
“Nick?” she says, unable to watch this without offering her assistance, and she snaps on their mismatched bedside lamp.
He flinches, jumping harder than she’s ever seen. Twisting around to stare at her, Nick raises his hands defensively, giving her a clear look at the tears streaking down his cheeks. When they make eye contact, Nick freezes for a second, and then his shoulders slump, his hands falling into his lap. Biting his lip, Nick turns around again, facing away from her.
“O-Oh, hey, Kimmy,” he says, his voice weak and wobbly, so unlike his usual charming drawl. “Didn’t mean to wake ya.” He clearly tries to sound casual, but his occasional sniffles give away that he’s still crying. “Sorry ‘bout that, h-honey.”
“I don’t care about that, Nick,” Kim says. How could she ever be more bothered about being woken, than seeing her husband crying? It’s not like she’s never seen Nick crying before, but he only usually cries when he’s happy (he was a mess the first time he held their baby daughter, for example). “Are you okay?”
“Y-Yep. I’m fine. No need to worry about me.”
Nick Rye is many things, but a good liar he is not.
Sighing, Kim pushes the blankets off her legs and crawls down the bed. Copying Nick, she swings her feet over the end of the bed, sitting close enough to Nick to slip her arm around his waist. His breathing shudders but he leans against her, allowing Kim to hold him tighter.
“What’s wrong, Nick?” she asks.
He sniffs. “It’s… it’s nothin’.”
“You’re crying, babe. That’s not ‘nothing’.”
Nick sighs shakily. “Had another nightmare.”
“Another nightmare?” Kim says. Even after the bullshit with the Peggies and the world ending, she isn’t aware of Nick having nightmares. So, what changed? “Do you get them a lot?”
Letting out a weak chuckle, Nick mumbles, “You could say that. Fuck, I… I didn’t want you to find out.”
“Why? I thought we shared everything.”
“Still… I didn’t wanna make you upset.”
Kim sighs. “Oh, honey. Knowing you’ve been suffering on your own is upsetting enough. Just talk to me. Please.”
“It ain’t pretty,” Nick says.
“It’s okay,” she says, reaching up to kiss his cheek. “I think it might help if you—” Kim almost says “get it off your chest,” but considering the faded scar on Nick’s chest, that seems insensitive. “—tell me what’s bothering you.”
Nick makes a noncommittal noise, obviously not convinced, but he nods his head. “Okay. I, I keep dreaming about when I was with the Highwaymen. Got the dreams when I was there too, but… I’m still getting them after your friend rescued me. They, uh… they weren’t nice to me, Kimmy.” He laughs, the sound hollow. “That’s a fuckin’ understatement, ain’t it?” Trailing off, Nick digs his fingers into the legs of his pajama pants, unable to hide the way his hands tremble. “They wanted me to build shit for them, and… and I couldn’t do anything without them threatening to hurt you and Carmina, which meant some of them… thought it was funny to… to hurt me when I wasn’t gonna fight back.”
Kim’s stomach twists, horrified by the knowledge that those bastards hurt Nick in unknown ways when they didn’t even need to. He was their prisoner, sure, but they could have treated him better. She supposes that’s why the Highwaymen have such a ruthless reputation—they just take pleasure in hurting people. And Kim dreads to think about what they did to her husband.
“I, I just let ‘em do anything they wanted. I didn’t fuckin’ want any of it, but… obeying kept you safe so… I let them beat me and…” Nick’s voice breaks. “R-Rape me.”
“Oh, Nick…” Kim says. Knowing what those assholes did to Nick makes her want to cry or scream or throw up (or go back there and murder them—except the Captain and Hurk told her they’d killed all the Highwaymen who were there when they burst in to rescue Nick), but she does none of that. She needs to be strong for him right now.
“You… don’t think I’m disgusting now, do you?” Nick says, his voice cracking, and Kim’s heart fucking shatters.
“Of course, I don’t,” she says. To make her point, she presses a gentle kiss to his cheek.
His breaths come out all shuddery, and Nick whimpers (a sound she has never heard). “I didn’t want it. I promise,” he whispers.
Turning to face his side, Kim wraps both arms around Nick instead of just one, pulling her husband into a full-on hug. Nick flinches, but before she can pull away (concerned she hurt him), he leans into the embrace.
“Oh, honey,” Kim says, tears in her eyes as Nick crumples in her arms. He buries his face into the crook of her neck, his beard tickling her tear-stained skin. “It’s okay. I know you didn’t want it.”
“Th-Thank you,” Nick mumbles, his voice barely audible. A harsh cry bursts out of him, and he dissolves into sobs all over again.
Rubbing his back, Kim whispers, “Just let it all out. I’ve got you.”
He trembles like he might fall apart any second, so Kim holds him even tighter, subconsciously trying to hold him together. She can’t stop his nightmares, can’t rid him of his physical and mental scars of what those bastards did to him, but she can be there for him. She can help him cope, be there when he needs to cry, comfort him when his nightmares wake him. And perhaps, someday, he’ll feel better.
But for now, Kim just holds Nick, allowing him to let out months of pain as he cries in her arms.