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The venue was filled to the brim. Cheers were overflowing from the crowd in their designated positions. The stage was all lit-up with abundant lighting, signaling to the audience that the performers will come on in a small period of time.
Shiratori Aira was one of them; the fans who joyfully awaited B-Komachi’s entrance. He’d been saving up for this show for weeks, no, months — especially ‘cause this was their nationwide tour, an event any idol would want to hold! And he was good friends with the members too, so it would be obvious for him to want to support them, right?
Of course, compared to B-Komachi, ALKALOID were still rookies at the time. It had just so happened that Aira and their famous center, Hoshino Ai, didn’t have that far of an age gap, only spanning a few months; and seeing how the both of them are idols, and how Aira is a huge idol fan, it wasn’t a surprise that they became quick friends.
Aira loved everything about Ai — her charisma, her energy on stage, her voice, her looks, and her on and off-stage personalities — he found everything about her absolutely ra-vely. And it wasn’t to say that Ai didn’t feel the same about Aira. She too, loved spending time with him; helping to teach him choreography, practicing their vocals together, the more technical stuff. But that didn’t change the way she thought of him, as a person.
When Aira said he wanted to go to B-Komachi’s concert, the others already knew his main reason was to support Ai, who was like a sister already to him. Of course, he was also a big fan of the others, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t care the most about Ai. The one he trusts his feelings and secrets with, the one who trusts him back with her things. The one he bonds over the definition of “love” with.
Now, at the venue, Aira had gotten himself a VIP pass, along with an Artist pass given to him by Ai a while ago. Light stick in hand and oshi fan in the other, he was ready. Like, super ready. By now, the concert was supposed to start any second now…
“Everyone! Are you ready?”
As the dazzling stage lights glimmered and an entrance from within was opened, came the members of B-Komachi. The seven girls were in position and began to perform their song “Sign wa B”. The audience cheered and waved their light sticks enthusiastically, all of them in full spirits to cheer on for their favored idols.
Aira wasn’t excepted from that category, of course. A while later, when the idols were doing a more leisurely performance so they could interact with their fans, he waved his oshi fan in hopes of any of them noticing him. Of course, Ai didn’t miss that cue; so she pointed at her best friend, silently telling him “yes, I notice you!”.
At that moment, Ai’s starry violet eyes made contact with Aira’s which were light green. The bright stage lights reflected in Aira’s eyes made it seem like he also had stars, just like Ai’s. An instant brought into eternity, as Ai snapped a we-fie between the two with Aira’s smartphone.
But it all evaporated into nothingness so quickly.
★
“WHAAAT?! HEALTH ISSUES?! No, no, no..! And to think she didn’t tell me anything about it too…” Aira gasped as he saw the news about Ai going on hiatus from B-Komachi’s activities.
“You shouldn’t think too heavily about it, Aira-san. Overthinking isn’t the best thing to do when you’re worried,” His senior and unitmate Kazehaya Tatsumi patted his shoulder, trying to reassure the young man.
“Easy for you to say, Tattsun-senpai… Aw man, we already agreed to practicing together, too…” Aira frowned, his expression dimming. Even without talking to him, anyone would’ve been able to tell that he was extremely upset at the moment.
Tatsumi sighed. “Even the very best friends sometimes have the desire, no, the need to have their own privacy. I’m sure you know most about so already, no? Seeing how you’re probably the most secretive member in ALKALOID,” He replied, making Aira blush out of embarrassment (aware that he usually likes being alone more because of his idol fan habits).
“W, well, I guess that makes sense, so I’ll take it for now, maybe…” replied the junior, covering his reddening face.
“Thanks, though, Tattsun-senpai. Talking to you made me feel a little better. I’ll go to my room now, maybe I’ll feel even better after that.” Aira flashed a light smile at his senior before retreating to his dorm room to go on with his things. Tatsumi smiled back, watching him head across where they were talking to the direction of his room.
Frustrated, Aira threw himself onto his bed. He huffed, part of him upset because Ai hasn’t talked to him and another part worried about his best friend. He’d only hoped that she would tell him, even the slightest bit of how she’s currently doing. To ease his thoughts, at the very least.
But just suddenly, as if Aira’s mind was telepathic, a notification came in. Quite coincidentally, a message from Ai!
[Hoshino Ai turned on disappearing messages. Seen messages will disappear when you close the chat]
[Hoshino Ai: Aira-kun, can we talk with disappearing messages? There’s something I want to tell you, but it’s a super-secret ★]
[Shiratori Aira: Of course!! Anything for you, Ai (≧◡≦) ♡ ]
[Hoshino Ai: Thanks a ton!! <3]
[Shiratori Aira: No problem! So what’s up?]
[Hoshino Ai: Um okay how should I word this w]
[Hoshino Ai: Basically I’m pregnant with twins (>∀<☆)]
[Shiratori Aira: Eh really? w]
[Hoshino Ai: I’m serious!! Like, really serious, okay!?]
[Hoshino Ai: Eee Aira-kun?? Where did you go?]
It only took a few minutes for the two Ai-s to start talking in the set mode, and it only took a while for Aira’s brain to load. Where in that while, Aira’s phone managed to switch off due to his idleness. Trying his hardest to conceal his thoughts and to not scream or make any noise at all, Aira turned it back on to talk to Ai. Thankfully, they were still in disappearing messages when he came online again.
[Shiratori Aira: AI ARE YOU FR????]
[Hoshino Ai: YES!! It’s about 20 weeks in ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡ ]
[Shiratori Aira: But what about your idol career??]
[Hoshino Ai: That’s easy, I’ll be an idol AND have children~]
[Hoshino Ai: We have to perform together someday too!]
[Shiratori Aira: You don’t have to push yourself though (｡╯︵╰｡)]
[Hoshino Ai: Whaat, of course I’m not!! I’m really healthy, y’know?]
[Hoshino Ai: Wuh oh the president is calling for me]
[Shiratori Aira: Okay!! I wish all the best for you and your babies!!]
[Hoshino Ai: Thanks so much!! ♡ Bye Aira-kun, love you!! ♡(>ᴗ•)]
[Shiratori Aira: Bye Ai, love you too!! Airaaaabu (°◡°♡)]
Aira then switched his phone off, sighing. He was still absolutely surprised at Ai’s final decision, but then again, she is that type of person; so it’d be futile for him to try and stop her from doing anything she wants. Plus, they’re best friends, and best friends gotta support each other no matter what, right? So he’s just gotta support Ai with all he got! Or that was what he tried to convince himself, but he can’t help but put on a troubled face and hope it goes unnoticed.
At the same time when Aira logged off, Ai turned off disappearing messages and switched her phone off too. She shook her head and stood up to head to where President Saito was. But in a split-second, she turned to go to the rooftop to get some fresh air instead. She too had mixed, complicated feelings about her decision. Ultimately reassuring herself that, it’s for the best and it’s for her happiness; but why is there something still… stuck in her mind, somewhere?
Deep inside their hearts, both Aira and Ai — two idols who spread love to their fans, audiences, and to people around them — truly knew one thing was still “impossible” for them at the moment.
They still can’t say “I love you” directly to each other, nor to the people they care for.
Because if even they don’t know if it’s true or not, really; who would?
★
It has since been 4 years since that conversation took place. And today was the day, B-Komachi was going to perform in the Dome. A big day for their fans — to add, ALKALOID would be opening for them, too! So an even bigger day for the boy group and their fans as well!
Aira and his unitmates have spent inhumane periods of training, preparing with all their hearts for this day. Today was their final rehearsal for their performance, so they’d all have to do the best and show all of their might, they have to show everyone what they got! They’re the ones opening for the renowned B-Komachi, after all! They can’t back off now!
They arrived at the Dome quicker than they expected; even the staff were still setting up the stage for both ALKALOID and B-Komachi. Thankfully, there was a super-wide artist’s practice room backstage, so they were able to rehearse a few songs and even do their group routine.
The way their opening would go would be: the leader, Amagi Hiiro greeting the audience, and then they’d perform their most recent comeback song, “VERMILION”. Then, they’d perform another comeback song, “Living on the edge”. Then, another song that’s gained quite a following: “Believe 4 leaves”. If there’s enough time, maybe they’d bring in a B-side or two; preferably, “Wings Moratorium”, “You’re Speculation”, or “Distorted Heart”. Even “Hysteric Humanoid”, if they still can. And then end it all with their debut song, “Kiss of Life”. If the audience wants more, maybe they’ll throw in a collab song; like “Into the Night”, which they covered with Double Face, or “Artistic Partisan”, which they performed with Valkyrie.
So ALKALOID’s opening performance matters are all settled; and the concert’s supposed to start in a few hours, in the daytime. Oddly enough, they haven’t heard anything from B-Komachi yet; other than them saying that they’re still preparing, and are waiting for Ai. This caused Aira to worry, so he tried to text and call his best friend.
No answer, no responses at all.
Aira got worried by every passing minute, no second. Ai was usually a fast replier; and knowing her, she’d respond to him even quicker than anyone could guess.
“Aira-san… Are you, maybe, trying to contact Hoshino-san directly?” Ayase Mayoi, ALKALOID’s main dancer (and by extension, Aira’s unitmate) asked. Aira nodded shortly.
There was still no response.
Even if he’d asked the other B-Komachi members, they too were confused. Nobody knew what was happening. Well, until the news came in, and it tore Aira’s heart into a thousand shreds.
“Famous Idol Hoshino Ai Found Dead At 20, In Her Home”
It felt like the beginning of despair for Aira.
★
Adding up to the time, it has since been 14 years since Ai’s death. B-Komachi was reborn into a new unit; with Ai’s daughter Hoshino Ruby, actress Arima Kana and Youtuber Mem-cho. They’re filming a documentary based off-of Ai’s life story, titled “15-Year Lie”. It was directed by Gotanda Taishi, who’s known for having gotten nominations for his movie “That Was The Start”. And the screenplay was written by him, and Hoshino Aqua; Ai’s son.
Aira was chosen among some few people to give an interview about Ai and what they’d thought of him. ALKALOID too, had disbanded; but he’s now an actor and soloist, and he’s still going strong in the industry. Aqua found out about his ties to B-Komachi and especially Ai after he found his contact in Ai’s phone.
Aira exhaled, relieved that he’s finished his part. “Is that good enough, Aqua-kun? Should I redo it?” He asked, turning to the blue-eyed young man.
“That’s great already. Thanks, Shiratori-san.” Aqua answered, making sure the video and audio were clear enough to make it into the final cut.
“Haa, time flies so fast… I remember when she told me about her pregnancy, and now you’re 18 years old already, huh?” Aira smiled, his eyes glancing warmly at Aqua. “And now we’re making a documentary about her. That’s insane, I never thought I’d live to see that happen.”
“Well, it was eventually going to happen anyway. Ai was a star, and she’d kept a secret for long enough. …Enough for people to never figure it out, which was actually good.” Aqua replied, muttering the last sentence to himself.
“But, what was your true relationship with Ai?” He turned to the older blond.
“We were best friends, as I said. Nothing more and nothing less,” Aira shrugged.
“You’re not lying, are you?” Aqua asked again, skeptical of Aira’s claims.
“Of course not. I care about her too, you know.” Aira replied, with a more stern tone in his words. “But even if I said that I love her, I’d also be asking if I was genuine or not.”
Aira stood up, and started to tidy his things. “Aqua-kun, Ai said that lies are a form of love, right?” He opened while he picked up his bag.
“...Yeah, she did. So?” Aqua answered.
Aqua raised his head to look at Aira properly, before the older man had to go. His eyes widened in surprise at what he was seeing.
Two white six-pointed stars, shining in Aira’s green eyes. The same exact ones Ai, and by extension Akane had. It was something that couldn’t escape Aqua’s notice.
“While that’s true… Genuineness is also a form of love, you know.” Aira smiled, the stars in his eyes seeming to have an increased glow. “See you when I see you, Aqua-kun.”
Aqua silently nodded, still astonished at what he saw.
Maybe, just maybe, Ai wasn’t the only one after all.