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Sometimes Heinz doubted that he was ever meant to be a father. He and Charlene hadn’t been trying, hell, they hadn’t even been dating when they’d done the deed that put him in his current mess. It’d been a “Hey, Heinz, we’re really good friends, right? Do you think our friendship would be ruined if we started sleeping together?” sort of thing. And then it’d all been downhill from there. They’d started having sex as friends, and then one broken condom and missed period later, he was engaged with a baby on the way.
He’d never expected to be so happy.
But that was almost three years ago, now.
“Vanessa, sweetie, please,” Heinz whispered frantically to the tiny, nearly-shrieking toddler in his lap. Almost every person on the bus was staring at them, and Heinz could feel sweat starting to bead on his brow. He was so bad at this. Charlene had ceded nearly all parental rights to him in the divorce, and now, not even two weeks since he’d moved into his own place with his daughter, he was starting to realize that he was a bad father. He should have insisted on Charlene keeping Vanessa full-time, and just taken the weekends like she’d originally suggested.
But he’d been so devastated. He’d already failed at being a good husband, he couldn’t let Charlene deprive him of the chance to be a good father. He’d fought so hard to keep Vanessa, and here he was, at one in the afternoon on a Wednesday, failing miserably.
“Papaaa, maanana, aaugwaich, ene nicht!” Vanessa cried as Heinz bounced her on his knee with a quickly rising air of desperation. He offered her various toys or binkys or snacks from the diaper bag in the seat next to them, but nothing seemed to pacify her.
“Shut your kid up, will you?” a man sitting three rows behind them called, sneering. Heinz whipped his head around to glare at him, propping Vanessa against his shoulder as her loud fussing turned into full-blown screaming. Quickly deciding that the bus was not the place for them right now, Heinz cradled his nearly-thrashing daughter in one long arm and reached up with his free hand to yank insistently on the stop cord until the driver pulled over. Snatching up the diaper bag, Heinz fled the bus, bumping into several standing passengers as he went. He nearly knocked over someone near the door, his eyes beginning to blur with tears of frustration and desperation.
Why was he so bad at being a father?
The man he’d knocked into was nearly a full foot shorter than he was, with brilliantly colored hair and dark skin. Heinz only noticed because the stranger reached out to steady him, one hand on Heinz’s waist and the other coming to rest on Vanessa’s back. She almost immediately fell silent, save for a particularly loud hiccup for her size.
“Sorry,” Heinz whispered, his voice hoarse from unspilled tears, unable to look the man in the face. The stranger said nothing, just blinking at him for a moment before pushing Heinz towards the door. Vanessa fussed quietly as Heinz quickly clambered down the steps, realizing as he hit the pavement that the man he’d nearly bowled over was following them. His hand was still on the small of Heinz’s back, carefully guiding him towards where a faded green park bench sat against the side of a small building.
The bus pulled away as Heinz dropped the diaper bag by the bench and sat down, loosening his grip around his daughter so that she slid from his shoulder to his lap. She stared up at him with large, watery eyes, lower lip trembling.
“I don’t know what to do,” Heinz said softly, touching her cheek, wet and blotchy with tears, his own voice wavering and weak. “I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing.” He looked up to see the strange, blue-haired man standing about two feet away, looking a little awkward.
“Sorry about, you know, trampling you back there,” Heinz said. The man shrugged, tucking his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Now that he was really looking at him, Heinz noted that the stranger was quite handsome, with a long nose and sharp-looking brown eyes, with a strong, square jaw. His fashion sense appeared to be absolutely terrible, though, since with his jeans he was wearing a bright orange flannel button-up over a green t-shirt, vibrant orange sneakers finishing off the outfit. It was a little offending to the eyes, if Heinz was honest.
“I’m Heinz,” he said finally, trying to figure out if the bad shirt combo was on purpose or not. “And this is my daughter, Vanessa.” The man gave a sort of half-wave with one hand before pointing at Heinz and then sticking his forefingers up towards the sky and curling the rest of his fingers in towards his palms, circling his hands in front of him in a sort of back-pedaling motion. Heinz stared at him blankly before the man let out a slightly weary breath and reached into his back pocket. He pulled out a small notepad that had a small pen clipped to it. Uncapping it with his teeth, he started writing on the pad, which looked like it’d had several dozen pages ripped out of it, before holding it out for Heinz to read.
Perry Fletcher. Am mute. Nice to meet u.
Heinz blinked at the words for a moment before looked up to grin at he man. “Ohh, you were signing! Charlene took some sign language when we were at college, but I didn’t really pick any of it up. Well, that’s not true, I can sign sorry, and thanks, stuff like that.” Perry looked a little amused as Heinz talked, one hand bracing his daughter while he gesticulated with the other. Heinz halted in his flow of words, though, when Vanessa reached up to grab at his shirt, tugging insistently. He looked down to see that her mouth had started to tremble again, tears threatening to spill over.
“Oh, noo, sweetie, what’s wrong? I don’t know-I’m so….I’m sorry,” Heinz fumbled, leaning for the diaper bag, but he’d dropped it just out of reach. Perry stepped closer, picking it up and sitting down next to Heinz with it in his lap. “Thanks,” Heinz said, digging around in it and trying not to think about the fact that he was probably poking and groping at the man’s lap quite a bit as he searched the bottom of the bag for a pacifier or a juice box or something that would make Vanessa stop crying. Perry tapped his arm to get his attention, and Heinz looked over to see him holding out his hands, a questioning look on his face. The may I? was pretty clear, and Heinz debated the wisdom of letting a stranger hold his small child.
What the hell, he’d already proved himself a lousy excuse for a dad, and if Perry tried to run off or something, Heinz’s legs were a lot longer, and he was a lot more desperate and angry than most people. He was more than sure he’d be able to catch him if Perry turned out to be some sort of baby-napper.
Shrugging, he passed over Vanessa, who took in Perry with a slightly wary expression. Perry held her up under her armpits, expression carefully neutral. The pair stared at each other for a long moment, Heinz watching with just a mild sense of unease. And then Perry tossed Vanessa up into the air.
Heinz let out a strangled yell of alarm as his just barely two year old child went flying straight up almost six feet, and then came rushing back down. Perry caught her before Heinz had managed to get over the initial shock, a grin stretching bright against his dark skin. Vanessa’s eyes were the size of dinner plates, mouth hanging open. Perry wiggled her a little, and then she started laughing, kicking her feet and throwing her arms up into the air.
“Wheeeee!” Vanessa shrieked, rather belatedly, since she was no longer airborne. Perry’s shoulders shook with what Heinz assumed was a silent laugh, and he watched in slight disbelief as Perry tossed Vanessa in the air again, about half the height, sparing poor Heinz another heart attack. The toddler nearly screeched in excitement, babbling loudly each time she landed safe in Perry’s hands. After about five or six tosses Vanessa was laughing so hard Perry didn’t seem to think it safe to throw her again, instead bucking his hips a bit to slide the bag out of his lap so he could put her on his knee.
Heinz watched in amazement as this strange, silent man seemed to effortlessly fascinate his child, bouncing her and making faces as she talked in nonsense and half-worded sentences that mixed interchangeably between English and German, looking excitedly between Perry and her father.
“How did you do that,” Heinz whispered after a few minutes, reaching out to brush his fingers over Vanessa’s rosy cheek, which was just slightly tacky from her earlier tears. Perry shrugged, handing Vanessa back over to pull out his pad and pen again.
Perry Fletcher. Am mute. Nice to meet u.
Have nephew. Quiet but fusses a l o t. Mum not around, so I take over lots for my brother.
Heinz looked between the words and Perry, before looking down at Vanessa, who had stuck her fingers in her mouth while watching them.
“But what was wrong? I couldn’t….I had no idea what she wanted, I tried everything and nothing-” Heinz’s voice rose an octave or two with distress and Perry reached out to grab his wrist before he could upset Vanessa. Perry quickly scratched out a few more words, showing them to Heinz after a moment.
Perry Fletcher. Am mute. Nice to meet u.
Have nephew. Quiet but fusses a l o t. Mum not around, so I take over lots for my brother.
She was just bored. u were on the bus a long time right?
Heinz nodded dumbly, wondering exactly how much of a dummkompf he had to be not to understand something so simple.
“I’m so bad at this,” Heinz whispered, hunching over and burying his face in Vanessa’s thick brown hair. “I never should have...she should have stayed with Charlene, I’m such an idiot-!” Heinz jumped a bit as Perry grabbed his shoulder and shook it until he looked over at the teal-haired man. Perry was frowning and shaking his head.
Perry Fletcher. Am mute. Nice to meet u.
Have nephew. Quiet but fusses a l o t. Mum not around, so I take over lots for my brother.
She was just bored. u were on the bus a long time right?
just need practice. comes w/time.
Heinz read the words and sighed. He supposed he was lucky, his first real meltdown as a single parent happening when a stranger nice enough to help him was around.
“I’m sorry,” he said after a minute. “I mean, I didn’t really ask for your help, but I know I’m really- well, everyone says I’m high-strung, and I know I can be a bit intense, but I’m just recently divorced and I never expected to have to do this by myself, and I just want to be a good dad and I’m terrible at it, I can’t seem to do anything right-” Perry held up a hand, stopping his ramble, and then pointed at Vanessa, who was now leaning against Heinz’s chest, starting to doze off. Perry held out his hands, as if to say, she looks well enough to me. Heinz’s throat got a little tight as he looked down at his baby girl, content enough now that some fun had been had and ready for a nap.
“Yeah,” Heinz said softly, in answer to nothing in particular. “Okay.” Setting his jaw, Heinz lifted his head, nodding in determination. “I can do this.” He stood up, one arm tight around Vanessa, the other raised in a clenched fist. "I can do this!” he shouted, earning the scandalized stare of a couple walking across the street. Vanessa startled at his yell, and quickly joined in the sudden noise, letting out an irritated cry.
“Oh no, no no no, honey, I’m sorry,” Heinz cried, confidence immediately vaporized as the toddler burst into tears again, startled out of her impromptu nap. Panicked, Heinz turned to Perry, who was still sitting on the bench, watching him.
“Help me,” Heinz begged, feeling a little frantic as he tried to soothe Vanessa, looking ready to cry himself. Perry just stared for a moment before getting up. Heinz held Vanessa out to him, but Perry shook his head, instead grabbing Heinz’s arms and arranging them around Vanessa in a comfortable cradle, Then moving behind Heinz, Perry put one hand on his shoulders and the other on his hip, guiding him into a slow, rocking motion.
Heinz blushed as he let Perry direct his body, Vanessa’s sobs quickly dying down at the gentle rocking. After about two minutes of Perry gently pushing Heinz’s hips and shoulders back and forth, Vanessa slipped back into a shallow nap, and both men let out a quiet sigh of relief.
“Thanks,” Heinz whispered, sinking back down onto the bench, Vanessa tucked against his chest. “God, how am I...I am so screwed.” Perry patted him on the shoulder, picking up his notepad again.
Perry Fletcher. Am mute. Nice to meet u.
Have nephew. Quiet but fusses a l o t. Mum not around, so I take over lots for my brother.
She was just bored. u were on the bus a long time right?
just need practice. comes w/time.
Have cell phone?
When Heinz nodded, Perry flipped the page and wrote something else, before tearing the page out and offering it to him. Heinz took it, balancing Vanessa with one arm. On the paper was Perry’s name and a phone number, along with a note.
Perry Fletcher
(930) 430-2214
text if u need help.
Heinz looked up at Perry in surprise, and the shorter man shrugged, tucking the notepad away and stuffing his hands in his pockets. He almost looked a little sheepish.
“Are-” Heinz croaked before clearing his throat and beginning again, “Are you sure? I mean- I might end up texting you a lot. I’m obviously a mess.” Perry shrugged again and grinned. “Okay, don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Heinz said, managing to tug his phone out of his pocket with two fingers without disturbing Vanessa or dropping the paper. Sticking the note in his mouth, Heinz flipped open his mobile and started punching in the new contact, shooting a text off to Perry so that he had Heinz’s number as well. After a second a loud, chattering growling sort of noise came from Perry’s pocket, and Heinz stared at the odd sound. Perry shrugged before pulling out his own phone and fiddling with it and shooting Heinz a thumbs up. Heinz grinned as his own phone buzzed with a message.
Gtg now. Text later. :) -P
Heinz looked back up and nodded wordlessly at Perry, who smiled brightly again, sweet and soft and honestly rather dazzlingly, to Heinz, who didn’t get smiled at by anybody these days. With another wave, Perry started off down the street, a small spring in his step.
Heinz stared after the man as long as he could, until he lost sight of the orange plaid shirt and teal hair as Perry turned the corner, and then he sat and stared some more, a little lost in thought. After a few minutes, Vanessa gurgled quietly, reminding him that he was supposed to have her home by now for naptime and then dinner in a couple hours.
“Well,” he said quietly to her, packing up the slightly disorganized diaper bag and slinging it over his shoulder, “that was interesting.” Vanessa babbled something that sounded vaguely like “blue” or maybe “boom” as he propped her on his hip and started down the street for an oddly-shaped purple skyscraper.
“Veeery interesting,” Heinz mumbled under his breath, the fingers of his free hand tracing the outline of his cell phone in his pocket, wondering if Perry would mind terribly much if he texted him outside of a complete meltdown or an emergency.
Shaking his head, Heinz fumbled with his keys until he popped open the door to the apartment building and pushed his way through. Ridiculous. Here he was, a thirty five year old divorcee with a two year old daughter struggling to even take the bus home without freaking out completely. What would young, good-looking Perry ever see in somebody like him, other than perhaps a charity case? A really, really desperate charity case that was so obviously in need of help that he hadn’t been able to walk away. Really, what other reason would Perry have for sticking around through all that, let alone for giving him his number. Certainly not because he was interested. Ridiculous, Heinz, really.
After taking the elevator to the top floor, he unlocked the door to their penthouse and dropped the diaper bag right next to the entry, kicking the door shut behind him. Setting Vanessa down, Heinz watched as she toddled away, probably to where her crate of toys was sitting in the half-unpacked living room. They’d been there for almost three weeks, and the place was still terribly bare-looking. Charlene had always been better at decorating; hanging pictures, putting down table cloths and vases of flowers. He’d managed to get the place functioning, and then left it at that. Bit embarrassing, really. But it wasn’t like he ever had company.
Following his daughter, Heinz sat on the edge of his worn, second hand couch, watching as she settled in next to a large pile of building blocks which she promptly began throwing around. He caught one flung in his direction, mind only half on making sure she didn’t hit him in the face, while the rest of his thoughts were with the paper tucked into his pocket.
Text if you need help.
Well, maybe, just maybe, he’d be having company over after all. Eventually. Whenever his next inevitable breakdown was. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe next week. But hopefully, he found himself thinking oddly, hopefully soon.