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When it came to the people she loved and the people who loved her, Saki was used to being the one taken care of.
Not that she liked that, but…it’s just how it was. Saki was often very sick, which led to a lot of fussing and expensive hospital bills. And she hated the hospital bills…she could always tell when another came in because whichever of her parents opened it, their expressions always fell when they read it. And they had many people to feed now, four children in total living under their roof.
They couldn’t afford to spend all their money on hospital bills for Saki.
And…in her darkest moments, Saki would wish that she could just die so she’d never cost her parents a single yen. She never spoke these thoughts aloud, but when she was stuck in the hospital, waiting endlessly, it felt like the only way out.
But she wasn’t in the hospital anymore, or at least not as often. Saki was healthy enough to live a normal life and if she could live that life without worrying everyone she loved, then all the better for it.
It was with these thoughts in mind that Saki practically danced down to the kitchen, finding both Tsukasa and Toya already there.
“Good morning, oniichan, otouto!” Saki grinned as she kissed each of her brothers on the cheek. She couldn’t help how excited she was, she’d gone from having just one big brother to also having a little brother and a big sister. It was practically a dream come true!
“Ah, Saki! Good morning!” Tsukasa grinned, turning to face her fully with one hand on his hip and the other resting against his chest. “Of course, it’s always a good morning when a star such as I am one of the first things you see!”
“Right, oniichan!” Saki nodded happily. Warmth curled in her chest. Yes, it truly was a good morning. Even more so when she examined both of her brothers carefully and found no sign of the stress that had marked them the entirety of Toya’s case. Thank goodness…they were recovering.
“Do you know what you’d like for breakfast, Saki-oneesan?” Toya questioned, a curious tilt to his eyebrows as his voice startled Saki back to reality.
“Yes!” Saki agreed. She moved through the kitchen easily as she prepared her breakfast. Once she had everything all set, she turned to the table only to find that Toya had set a tea cup down for her. Her smile widened even more. She truly had the best brothers.
“It appears that Kanade has not woken up yet,” Tsukasa noted as he sat down with her and Toya. He let out a sigh. “I had hoped when she moved in that the regular routine would help with her sleep schedule.”
“You do remember her music circle usually meets at 25:00, right, oniichan?” Saki asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow.
“It is, quite literally, in their name.” Toya nodded in agreement.
“I know that! But how can she expect to live a productive life with such a sideways sleep schedule?” Tsukasa asked, rather dramatically. “A star such as I requires at least six hours of sleep every night, meaning all others require more than that!”
“You’re so loud, niisan, how can anyone sleep?”
Kanade’s soft, sleepy voice echoed through the kitchen as she entered. She grabbed the instant ramen that Tsukasa had left out for her and sat down with the rest of her siblings, looking more like she’d fall face first into the ramen then eat it.
“Good morning, oneechan!” Saki grinned, hugging her older sister as Tsukasa protested her description of his voice. Toya, thankfully, took over assuaging Tsukasa, so Saki only had to focus on her sister.
“Good morning, Saki. How are you?” Kanade asked. The light of her eyes was so gentle, there was no doubt in Saki’s mind that she meant it in a general sense instead of relating to her illness.
Saki loved that about Kanade. For how short of a time she had been part of the Tenma family, she’d never treated Saki as her ill younger sister. She just treated Saki as, well, Saki.
It was the little things that made a difference, after all.
“I’m great! I’ve got band practice after school today, I think I’ve gotten a lot better!” Saki beamed. Pride wrapped around her like a warm blanket. It was still such an unfamiliar feeling, to be proud of something she’d done. But she was proud, both of herself and of Leo/need as a band. They were amazing, all of them.
“That sounds fun. I’m sure you’ll sound great,” Kanade smiled. Saki nodded in agreement, about to respond when she saw the time.
“Crap! Gotta go! Bye, oneechan!” she shouted as she ran out the front door.
It was one thing for everyone to be worried about her when she was sick.
It was another thing entirely when she was late for class and gave them a reason to worry!
Miraculously, Saki had made it to class on time, collapsing into her seat next to Ichika just minutes before their teacher came in.
“Are you okay, Saki?” Ichika asked, leaning closer so the teacher couldn’t hear.
“Yeah! I just got distracted at breakfast,” Saki laughed sheepishly. Her breath was still coming way too fast, so she laid her head down on her desk, staring at Ichika. “Everyone was so happy this morning, even oneechan was awake.”
“That’s great, Saki. I’m glad your family is doing better,” Ichika smiled. She leaned back then to focus on class.
But Saki continued staring at her childhood friend. Contrary to her wishes, her heart was still beating as fast as it had when she was running to school with no signs of slowing down.
It’s just…Ichika was so pretty. Saki just wanted to tuck those stray strands of hair hanging in her eyes back, so she could stare at Ichika for even longer.
But that was a bad way to lose track of today’s lessons and if there is one thing Saki refused to do in her normal high school life, it was miss out on learning something important.
She had enough of that in junior high.
So instead, Saki bottled up all her squishy soft feelings and sat up to focus on the lesson.
She could daydream once she was home.
The rest of the day went as normal, but when they got to band practice, Saki noticed something…off.
Specifically with Shiho.
She couldn’t put her finger on it, just that something was…different. The look in Shiho’s pretty green eyes when they met Saki’s looked almost conflicted. They had been so conflicted that they completely derailed Saki’s thoughts of how pretty the sunset was playing off against Shiho’s hair.
But Shiho was the last person Saki should realize she was starting to worry. So, after she and Honami said their goodbyes to Shiho and Ichika, Saki spoke up.
“Hey, Hona-chan, did you notice anything strange about Shiho-chan?” she asked.
“Strange?” Honami repeated. She tilted her head, exposing the bare side of her neck to Saki.
Saki’s heart skipped a beat.
“Perhaps a little, but…I don’t think Shiho-chan would keep a secret from us,” Honami reassured. She smiled the slightest bit. “You were worried about her, Saki-chan?”
“Just a little…” Saki admitted. She looked down, focusing on her hands as she threaded and unthreaded her fingers together. “I mean, I’ve never seen Shiho-chan like that before. Maybe she’s just under a lot of stress.”
“That would make sense.” Honami nodded. “She does take on a lot of responsibility, between school, work, her sister and the band. Maybe Shiho-chan needs a day off.”
“But she’d never take one!” Saki pouted, crossing her arms. Honami giggled, a pink tint to her cheeks. “What? Hona-chan, why are you laughing?”
“Sorry, sorry! I was just thinking about how similar the two of you are,” Honami smiled. Her eyes were sparkling in a way that made Saki’s cheeks heat up. “When you get focused, Saki-chan, you rarely take a day off too.”
Saki wanted to argue against that, so much, but…Honami wasn’t wrong. Saki still remembered how focused she had gotten when Shiho had challenged her and Ichika. She’d practiced for hours on end and ended up overworking herself to getting sick again.
She’d worried Ichika, Shiho and Tsukasa for that.
Saki bit her lip. Not again. She’d figure out how to help Shiho without worrying everyone else. Because this wasn’t about her and it shouldn’t be made about her. She wouldn’t cause any more worry or money if she had any say in it.
So Saki mustered up a smile for Honami and laughed as if everything was fine.
Tsukasa was a life saver and Saki was forever thanking the gods who saw fit to have him be her big brother.
He had, after all, just given her exactly what she needed to help Shiho take a day off: complimentary tickets to Phoenix Wonderland, where Leo/need would be shown around by Tsukasa and his troupe before their show that night.
It was perfect! Shiho loved Phoenix Wonderland as much as the rest of them and they hadn’t gone as a group in forever!
There was no way Shiho could refuse!
Saki had been so excited that she hadn’t been able to sleep at all that night. So she did what she had now dubbed as her ‘late night insomniac hobby’.
She snuck into Kanade’s room.
When she opened the door to Kanade’s room, it was like seeing the moon shining down on a crystal clear lake. It was the only way Saki could ever describe the sight of her older sister in the dark of night with the only light coming from her computer.
Kanade turned at the sound of her door opening and signed a greeting. She had also grown used to Saki showing up sometimes, with space next to her desk dedicated solely for Saki to use on these late night excursions.
Happily, Saki sat down on the cushion that had slowly become hers and leaned her head against the desk, silent as possible.
After all, she could hear Kanade’s music circle through their Nightcord call.
“And I’m telling you that there is a reason it looks like this!”
“I don’t get it.”
“Urghhhh! How can one person be so infuriating?!”
“Now, now, Enanan, if you keep acting like this, you’ll get wrinkles!”
“I like how it looks. I think it fits the song well.”
“See? K gets it! Honestly, why do I even expect any of you to understand as well as she does?”
“Because you want us to like it.”
“That wasn’t an actual question, Yuki!”
“I couldn’t tell.”
“Hahaha! Oh man, I wish I could see your face right now, Enanan!”
“You could if we turn on video call.”
“Not happening!!!”
They all sounded so lively…Saki was glad Kanade had friends like that. She had them even before she had Tsukasa, Toya and Saki, but Saki was grateful all the same. Kanade had a good heart, she deserved to have friends who’d be there for her.
Saki knew what it was like to have friends like that…so she’d do her best to be there for them too.
Saki grinned at Honami and Shiho before she turned her focus back to Ichika, to the audience cheering them on.
It was so big…the biggest audience she had ever seen and the stage they were on was even larger. But despite the fear that should have been rushing through Saki’s entire being, she felt calm and her fingers sure.
She didn’t miss a single note and all four of them were completely in sync. The cheers only got louder as they kept playing, endlessly growing as they gave their all to this performance.
By the time they had finished, Saki was beaming and completely breathless. Before she even had time to think, she was suddenly hugging Ichika tightly.
Ichika only laughed at her before kissing her cheek.
Saki froze as warmth curled through her entire body. But this wasn’t the same warmth she felt when she was with her family. This was…different.
Arms wrapped gently around her waist, pulling her away from Ichika. But Saki wasn’t scared. She could see Honami’s hair in the corner of her eye, so she looked over her shoulder to send her smile to the girl in question. Honami’s eyes were so soft and warm, in a way Saki both recognized and didn’t at the same time.
Honami leaned down, kissing the base of Saki’s neck.
Saki felt helpless, a puppet on strings, and yet she didn’t mind in the slightest. Honami was holding her up, where else could be safer?
Two hands grasped onto Saki’s elbows and she opened her eyes to see Shiho pulling her forward. Saki barely had a moment to consider when she had even closed her eyes, because she was being pulled into Shiho’s orbit, a planet ever circling her like a star.
Saki felt as if she knew exactly what Shiho was going to do, despite the fact that she had no clue whatsoever. What she knew for certain was that Shiho was gently cupping her elbows and that was the only thing pulling Saki forward.
It was a touch that was as light as a feather, but to Saki it felt like an inescapable pull.
Shiho was smiling so gently at her as she leaned closer, Saki couldn’t have known what would happen even if her brain was cooperating with her.
Shiho kissed Saki on the lips.
Saki was shocked for a single moment before her entire body melted. Shiho’s hands moved from her elbows to her waist, pulling her closer as the kiss deepened. Saki’s arms found Shiho’s neck and wrapped around them, her fingers tangling in the short, gray hair.
Shiho let out a groan that just made Saki want to kiss her even more. But at the same time, she was aware that Ichika and Honami were standing there, watching them.
Yet…that didn’t make her feel flustered or awkward at all.
It just made her feel so, so warm.
“Saki, wake up.”
Saki let out a groan. She didn’t want to wake up, she wanted to stay on that stage with Ichika, Honami and Shiho forever.
“Saki, you’ll be late for school. Wake up.”
Saki bit her lip. She knew that voice. There was no way she was gonna win.
Kanade was very, very stubborn, equal only to how patient she was.
Saki opened her eyes and, sure enough, there was Kanade smiling gently down at her.
“Good morning,” Kanade greeted her.
“Morning,” Saki yawned, stretching her arms up as she did so. That was when her memories from both the night before and her dream hit her. Saki felt her face burn bright red.
“Saki? Are you feeling okay?” Kanade questioned. She reached out to lay the back of her hand against Saki’s forehead. “Hm, doesn’t feel like a fever. What’s wrong?”
“I-I, uh…oneechan…” Saki gulped. She couldn’t just run away. Kanade would worry and that was the last thing Saki wanted to do. “D-do you ever…d-d-dream about k-kissing someone?”
Kanade blinked at her, silence hanging over them for several minutes. The only sounds filling the room were the ticking of the clock and Tsukasa’s distant voice. Saki hated the silence, but she knew it was because Kanade was genuinely considering her question, not making fun of her. So she remained patient.
It was the longest several minutes in Saki’s life.
“Sometimes,” Kanade confessed, shifting so she could sit down next to Saki near her desk rather than crouch in front of her. “Why are you asking?”
Saki reached up, tangling her hair around her fingers and untangling it again. Unwittingly, her mind flashed back to the dream and how it felt when her fingers tangled in Shiho’s hair. Her face flushed.
“I-I…had a dream, about…many people kissing me,” Saki whispered, as if it were a shameful secret. Perhaps it was, she could never tell Tsukasa this after all.
“Ahh,” Kanade hummed, trailing off into silence. Saki bit her lip, unsure of what to say. Finally, Kanade spoke up again. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.” Saki’s head shot up to meet her sister’s eyes, only to find her smiling. “Everyone’s different, Saki. Who’s to say liking many people equally is a bad thing? It’s not, it’s just different.”
“Oneechan…” Saki whispered before she tackled Kanade in a hug. Kanade just laughed lightly as she returned the hug, patting the top of Saki’s head.
“I was serious about you being late. You should get going,” Kanade encouraged.
Saki almost cursed as she pulled away from her sister and ran all the way to school again.
She would not worry her friends.
It took a bit to convince Shiho to come to Phoenix Wonderland with them that weekend, but Saki had no regrets. In actuality, she practically skipped on her way home that night, uncaring of what anyone thought.
She was going to Phoenix Wonderland with her brother, his troupe and her friends. No dream hinting at her feelings for said friends could get her down.
“You seem happy.”
“Toya!” Saki beamed, whirling around to find her little brother smiling at her. “I am! I was able to convince my whole band to come to PXL this weekend!”
“I’m happy for you,” Toya smiled. He came up to her side, easily keeping pace with her as Saki resumed her skipping. “You’ll have to give Tsukasa-oniisan my best beforehand.”
“Oh yeah! Your team has an event this weekend right?” Saki asked.
“Yes.” Toya nodded in confirmation. “We’ve been practicing very hard for this, An and Akito are very excited.”
“Hehe, I can imagine!” Saki grinned. Toya’s team was nice from what she remembered of the court case. It helped that she knew one of them, Kohane, was in Shiho’s class. “You’ll have to give them my best too, you’re gonna be great!”
“Thank you, oneechan,” Toya smiled.
Saki’s heart warmed. She didn’t think she’d ever get used to hearing Toya call her that or seeing him smile.
This, truly, was all she ever wanted.
To be healthy. To have her friends and family. To make them smile.
Saki would do everything she could to keep those smiles going, to keep worry from clouding their eyes once more.
Phoenix Wonderland was just as wonderful as she remembered and Tsukasa’s troupe was absolutely perfect for him.
While she was having fun, Saki did make sure to observe just how her brother interacted with his troupe. After all, she could read Tsukasa the best when he didn’t know she was watching.
And she saw everything.
She saw the way he bickered with Emu for how hyper she was, but in the same breath treated her like a little sister, indulging her probably as often as he indulged Saki.
She saw the way he overreacted to Nene’s dry comments, but at the same time praise her and encourage her, never pushing her in any way that made her uncomfortable, very reminiscent of his care for Kanade.
And for Rui…
Well, she saw how her brother lit up even more around the director, how easily he agreed to the crazy ideas Rui spoke of with only the barest of goading, how he stood much closer to Rui than anyone else.
Saki couldn’t help smiling as she observed the two of them. Her big brother deserved some happiness too. He focused so intensely on helping others, he forgot himself in the process. She was so very glad he found someone he could feel this way for.
“Saki, what are you smiling about?” Shiho’s voice broke through Saki’s thoughts and she laughed awkwardly.
“Hehe…nothing!” Saki said. Shiho narrowed her eyes in suspicion but didn’t push any further. That was just fine with Saki, because her eyes were also watching Shiho too.
Whatever was wrong with Shiho didn’t go away easily with a fun day off. It didn’t go away when they got matching Phenny keychains either.
Something was wrong, but whatever it was, Shiho wasn’t confiding it in them.
Saki smiled the whole night so Shiho wouldn’t worry, but…
But…
Her own worries haunted her as she made her way home.
Saki was used to being the one taken care of, the one everyone worried about.
She had no idea just how much it hurt to be the one worrying for someone.