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Sora was already accustomed to the hum of the gummi ship engine on overnight trips between worlds. The ship was on autopilot, as always, and Donald was watching the ship’s control systems, and Goofy was asleep in his cabin, and Sora, having finished his shift an our earlier, was lying in his small bed, trying to fall asleep.
But tonight it just seemed like he couldn’t do it.
Xehanort was about to do who knows what, and he’s not allowed to go help Riku and Mickey because he’s an idiot baby, and he still hadn’t been able to get the one thing he was good for, this stupid power of waking thing. It all just felt like too much.
He tried to do what he always did, to think happy thoughts, and to force the sadness from his mind. But today he couldn’t come up with much to be happy about.
It felt so unfair. He had done everything he had supposed to do. When the heartless destroyed Sora’s home and his friends and his family, he did what he was told and helped his friends find their King and save all the worlds. He put on a happy face for them as to not let them worry. He did the whole thing again, beat Xemnas, and hell, he even fixed up all the sleeping worlds. Just that stupid elf old bastard had to ruin everything at the end.
Sora didn’t understand. Everything he had done was to help the people he cared about. Always. All he wanted was for his friends to be happy. He tried his best to make himself the person they all wanted him to be. To be the perfect hero they wanted who cant be fazed by anything. But everyone upon seeing him points and laughs at him, calling him weak, dismissing him as an idiotic pawn.
It just really hurt. And…it wasn’t their fault.
Sora felt the rush of tears streaming from his face, and sniffed. He tried to force a smile onto his face. He was happy, right? None of this was a problem. He’s lost his powers before. He could do it again. He just made a little mistake, and…
Sobbing into his pillow, Sora stopped trying to comfort himself. What did he do to deserve this? Surely something. He sure felt terrible for trapping Roxas in his heart. He was a failure and a letdown, and can’t seem to take anything seriously. Everyone else was chosen by the Keyblade. They inherited it from people who thought they were worthy. And he just…stole it from Riku. After everything he’s done, it just wasn’t enough, and anything he does will never be enough. He laughed and congratulated everyone while they were praised, and tried to soak up all the judgement and battering everyone put on him with a smile. But he wasn’t stupid. He knew he wasn’t enough.
He shouldn’t be here. He should have just stayed on the islands, and died with it. That’s what should have happened.
At some point, eyes filled with tears, Sora fell asleep in his bed.
The boy awoke in a dark void, the cold ground pressing against his back. As he sat up, he noticed the brightly lit, colorful stained glass beneath him, depicting a younger version of himself. He stepped over to his face on the glass and stared at it.
This shouldn’t have happened. I don’t want to do this anymore. Why did I even want to help everyone? I was so fucking stupid to help. All everyone did in return was doubt and hurt me. I fucking hate myself for everything. I can’t do anything right, and that’s why everyone can’t take me seriously.
With a heartbroken scream, Sora summoned his Keyblade and smashed it into the glass. He felt a sting in his chest every time he struck the floor, and tears flooded his eyes, but he really did not think about it much. The glass shattered into dust and shards with each swing.
”I fucking hate you!” He shouted with blurry eyes as he slammed at the image of himself. “I hate you! You’re such a goddamn idiot! A fucking failure! A good for nothing brat! You made me like this! You’re the reason everyone is suffering! You’re the reason everyone is disgusted at me!” He dropped the Kingdom Key and fell to his knees, sobbing.
“I wish you never existed…” He whimpered. “I wish I never existed. Everyone would be so much happier.”
“That’s not true.”
Sora wiped his eyes hastily and looked up, suddenly worried someone was going to see him like this. “Huh? Who’s there?”
”I’ve been with you for most of your life, and you don’t know my name?” The voice seemed so…warm. And peaceful. And a bit cheerful.
He sounded like…
”Roxas?”
”Not quite.”
”Oh…sorry…”
“Don’t be. What’s going on?” A pause. “What happened?”
”I…got mad. And I did this.” Sora chuckled in despair.
”Sora, look. Whatever you’re going through, no matter what, you don’t deserve to feel like this. And certainly you shouldn’t ever feel like you need to do this to yourself.”
”I definitely deserve it.”
”No you don’t. No matter what, I’m proud of you Sora. And I’ll always be here for you. And this power of waking- you’re very close- I can feel it.”
Sora scoffed. “I’m just so tired.”
”That’s normal. I’d be surprised if you weren’t. What you’re going through is really unfair, and it pains me to say this, but…please just keep going for a little longer. I believe in you, Sora. You’re smart and you’re powerful. You’ll be able to do it. And I have the feeling we’ll be able to talk for real soon.”
Sora sighed and kicked at the shattered glass at his feet.
”I’ll fix this up this time, but please talk to someone the next time you’re feeling down. Even if you end up here, just give me a yell and I’ll talk to you. It isn’t healthy for you to take it out on yourself. Just promise that you’ll talk to me about all this when we meet in the real world.”
Sora nodded.
All the glass shards began to glow, and the cracks in the floor began to shine a bright white light through them, as the broken glass disintegrated and the stained glass image of Sora restored, intact.
”Thanks, really. But who are you?”
”For now, let’s just say I’m your brother.”
”Huh?”
The voice laughed. “Time to wake up, sleepyhead. Don’t stay here too long.”
Blinking, Sora found himself lying face down on his bed, his eyes and pillow soaked with tears.
“Sora! Goofy! We’re here!” Donald called.
”Coming!”
Just a little longer.
Sora sat on the curb of the road in the huge city among the towering skyscrapers. Kairi was safe, and so was Roxas, and Ventus, and everyone else. And now he’s here. And he had disappeared with a smile, which he had grown tired of wearing, and the longer he wore it, the more painful it would become.
He sighed. He was going to talk to Ven about his feelings and all that as he promised after realizing he was the one who had fixed his heart all those nights before, but never got the chance to. A tear fell from his eyes. Now would really be a really nice time to, though.