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Sometimes, all it takes is a single bad day for years of hard work to come crashing down.
Jake knows this very well. Throughout his career in the music industry, he’d faced so many lows that he just eventually stopped expecting too much from himself anymore. And when they still do happen, he lets himself dwell on his feelings of disappointment before finally moving forward with a smile.
Sunghoon was an entirely different case, however. Well yes, he knew he wasn't perfect, as much as other directors in his time weren’t. Yet when he does face faults in his craft, it doesn't even take too long until he gets everything done.
And so, Sunghoon never really learned to recognize his negative emotions as they come, because he’s already on the way to solving them before he can even feel them. For a person like him, there never was enough time to spend on distress when he could use it for coming up with solutions instead.
Somehow, Jake just gave up on trying to coerce his boyfriend into speaking up more. Anyone who knew them would say that between the two of them, Sunghoon was the more decisive one, more so because Jake was a people pleaser. But many times now, Jake had already taken it in himself to speak for the younger, even in times when he wasn’t even too sure.
Just like today.
They were situated on the couch after having dinner while the sun was setting. Sunghoon is right beside him, hyper-focused on one of his own movies playing out on their television, his arm propped up by one of his knees. With this amount of focus, you wouldn’t think he’d already watched this multiple times before it was even released on the big screen.
Silently, Jake admired his boyfriend’s attentive face, half of it illuminated by the last rays of sunlight for the day filtering through their window blinds. His sight had long since left the movie in favor of staring at Sunghoon, as if it was his first time seeing him all over again.
As if he never knew all along that Sunghoon had a mole on the bridge of his nose, under his eye, near the corner of his lips, and two right beside his ear. That his thick brows furrowed and his dark eyes squinted to avoid missing every minuscule detail in what he’s watching.
Sunghoon might not say it outright, but Jake knew that they kept watching his films to remind himself of why he does this in the first place. Of course, he’d pitch in the idea to Jake first to see if it was okay, and up until now, they’d do so in the guise that Jake just wanted to do so. Because oh well, he absolutely loved his boyfriend’s work anyway.
“Why are you sighing over a joke?” Sunghoon nudged Jake simply, referring to the scene that was currently playing out.
Between the two of them, Sunghoon would be the first to put Jake’s well-being to sheer importance. Ironically enough, he would not do that for himself otherwise. It was always ‘Jake first’, and it’s making Jake frustrated.
As a lone tear fell from his eye, in a surge of emotion, Jake’s arms shot up to wrap Sunghoon in a tight embrace. Caught off-guard, Sunghoon’s free arm held Jake by the waist on instinct to keep him from falling.
“Love, what一” Before he could even finish his sentence, Jake proceeded to place kisses on the moles on his face.
Jake read somewhere once that the moles you have are the places where your lover in your past life kissed you the most. Definitely, Jake wanted to do the same for the younger for the rest of this lifetime.
As he kept on his simple mission of bombarding his lover with immense affection, Sunghoon let go of the remote to take hold of him properly. To let Jake have his way yet again.
Tears eventually turned into quiet sobs, but Jake didn’t waver. Now situated on Sunghoon’s lap, his gentle hands found their way to Sunghoon’s nape and hair as he leaned in, capturing his soft lips with his own.
It wasn’t too often that he kissed his boyfriend like this, but when he does, he never wants to stop.
Not even when they could both already taste his salty tears that won’t stop falling. The longer they kissed, the more he cried, and Sunghoon had to be the one to coax him to pause for a moment. Even though Jake knew damn well Sunghoon would be more than willing to kiss him for the rest of his life.
By the time they stopped, the sky outside had already gone dark enough. Absently, Jake noticed the movie was about to end with one of the actors citing their most memorable line.
‘I’d willingly stop breathing if that’s what it takes to kiss you, because you take away my breath anyway.’
He let out a soft laugh at the words in time with the music in the end credits.
“I just know you wrote that line yourself,” Jake whispered.
He put their foreheads against each other, Sunghoon still only smiling and ever letting him do his thing. When he opened his eyes, Sunghoon was already doing the same. He giggled again and went to place another loving peck on the younger’s lips.
“Have I ever told you how much I love you?”
This time, it was Sunghoon’s turn to chuckle. His thumb made its way to Jake’s cheeks to wipe away his tears as they fell.
“Yup. Every morning, every evening, at any given moment.” Sunghoon smiled. “I’m surprised you haven’t gotten sick of me by now.”
Jake wiped at his own face using the hems of his sweater.
“I could never, ever, get enough of you.”
In the silence that now surrounded them, Jake wordlessly held one of Sunghoon’s hands with both his own and held it to his lips. One by one, he kissed his every fingertip, every knuckle, up to his palm and wrist.
“Something wrong?” Sunghoon asked. Of course he would. It’s always thoughts about ‘Jake, Jake, Jake’ in that beautiful head of his. Jake shook his head.
“Not with me,” Jake started. “But with you.” At his words, Sunghoon visibly deflated.
“I did something?” Jake’s thumbs flew on the corners of the younger’s lips to force them up into a smile.
“More like, you do not let me do anything.” Jake sighed, which Sunghoon caught on. He peppered kisses on the older’s neck to try to appease him, but Jake only squirmed on his lap out of being tickled.
“You know I wouldn’t keep you from doing anything you love.” When Jake had calmed down, he answered.
“But you are.” He pouted. “You know I love listening to you talk about your problems, yet you won’t let me.”
Before Sunghoon could utter a reply, Jake stood up to fetch Sunghoon’s phone from the side table, as well as to turn off the television along the way. In the warm, yellow light of the floor lamp, Sunghoon gazed at him with profound adoration that filled Jake with emotion yet again.
“I know you’ve seen people bringing up your movies after the last one,” he said as he sat beside the taller and opened his phone by typing the passcode he knew by heart: ‘0523’, their anniversary.
“And I know that you secretly read the comments on your illegally reposted movies on YouTube every night.”
Sunghoon’s eyes widened. He snatched his phone from Jake’s hands in an attempt to hide the already-mentioned fact. “H-How did you…”
Jake lovingly pinched his boyfriend’s pale cheeks that were turning crimson. His eyes followed the way Sunghoon pocketed his phone as he spoke.
“I know you enough to know that you get insecure a lot behind that serious face.”
“Well, how did you know exactly what I did?” Sunghoon poked him on the side, sending him flying to the other side of the couch.
“Seriously, don’t do that!” Jake whined. “I may or may have not gotten up to pee one night and saw your phone playing Nice to Soul-meet You while you were asleep.”
Without anything to say in retaliation, Sunghoon ended up engulfing Jake in a hug again and burying his blushing face in his hair. But Jake was nowhere near done.
“I also heard one of your producers cussing you out on the phone today.”
Even after he spoke, Sunghoon showed no signs of moving away from his position. In fact, he only held Jake tighter as the smaller felt his scalp gradually getting wet.
“You know it’s not your fault, right?” Jake chuckled, patting the younger’s arms around him. “I could go out there and snatch that old man’s wig off, but not unless you specifically tell me to. And you’re not telling me anything.”
Sunghoon frantically shook his head and let go of him, but only to hold his face between his hands and kiss him to shut him up. He whispered.
“Don’t. Don’t do that. I know you would, but please don’t.” He pecked him on the forehead. “I would never let you let your hands get dirty because of someone like me.”
“‘Someone like you?’ Well, you’re just my boyfriend, aren’t you?” Jake sighed. He ran his fingers through Sunghoon’s hair with one hand and held his face with the other.
“But even if you are, I would never do anything unless you tell me to. But it gets frustrating to see you deal with it by yourself.”
Sunghoon smirked. “So now you know how I felt,” he said, sending Jake whining again.
“I know, but!” Jake’s hands flailed around as he looked for the right words to explain his point. “I’m doing my best to express myself now, aren’t I? I just… I wish you could do that for me too.”
“Jake…”
“I know, I’m asking for too much, but… but…” He was about to start crying again, but Sunghoon held him close to calm him down. He continued, “But I love you too much, I just wish you learned to love yourself as well.”
“Shh…” Sunghoon rubbed circles on his back. “I’m sorry for making you cry, my love.”
He shifted to hold Jake by the hands instead.
“I’m trying, I promise. But sometimes, I try to deal with them myself because I know they’d make you cry. You know I don’t like seeing you hurt.”
Jake knew it had to be something about him that kept Sunghoon from sharing often. But rather than thinking he’ll be judged, he deliberately kept it so Jake won’t be hurt.
He’d rather be hurt alone than hurt Jake too, because he loves him.
Oh, to be loved by Park Sunghoon.
In times like these, overwhelmed by the love he’s receiving, Jake doesn't even know what to do anymore. Sunghoon always has a way to make everything about Jake, even if it was supposed to be about him. This, Jake never could quite understand.
Nevertheless, he wouldn't trade it for the world.
Occupied by his thoughts, he only noticed that Sunghoon wasn't beside him anymore when he heard him picking up the bowls and glasses they used while watching earlier. Before he could even help, Sunghoon was out the door to tidy them up.
By the time Jake reached the kitchen, Sunghoon was already soaping up the soiled dishes on the sink. As he did, a few strands of hair fell perfectly over his forehead, with the faint moonlight from the window shining on it.
The task at hand was too easy to require two people, but takes enough time to make Jake feel quite useless again.
“See, you didn't let me help again!” Sunghoon chuckled at his attempt to look intimidating, only finding him much more endearing.
“You really wanna help?” he replied as he went on to rinse the utensils.
“Of course!”
“Give me a back hug then.”
In a flash, Jake was plastered on the younger’s evidently larger frame. No sooner had he done as told than he realized how ridiculous this was.
“I don't understand how this is helping you,” he muttered. “But since you said so…”
Finally done with his task, Sunghoon wiped his hands with the kitchen towel and turned around to meet Jake’s bear hug.
“Sometimes, all I need is to know that you're here, and I can face any problem I have. Even if I don't tell you about it.”
“Are you really sure that's enough?” Jake looked up from where he was leaning on Sunghoon's chest.
“Do you want me to answer that honestly?” Upon hearing the question, Jake could feel his boyfriend’s hand go from his shoulder to wrap around his waist. Sunghoon was blushing again, but a determined expression was set on his face.
“Honestly, I could also use more of your hugs and kisses right now.”
“Well then…”
Jake pensively removed the taller’s hold on him, then without warning, lunged forward to kiss him smack on the lips.
He dashed forward straight towards their shared bedroom, knowing full well that Sunghoon would be just right behind him.
Like he always were.