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E.X. had been stellified. And that was a nice word for it. A nice, poetic word that attempted to cover up the ugliness of the situation. The void was a lonely place. Here, at the edge of the universe, the only one he could speak to was the universe itself.
[ and the universe said i love you ]
E.X. really hadn’t done anything exceptionally wrong, anyways! The worst he had done was blow some things up, and even that hadn’t really been him. He hated the way that green eyes would reflect his own gaze in the star-filled puddles he would run through back when he was free. Was he really free, though?
[ and the universe said you have played the game well ]
He once had the power to destroy. To take revenge on his brother for leaving him to rot. For never caring. But what price had those powers come at? His sanity? His ability to function as one soul inside of one body as all things should be? …His life?
[ and the universe said everything you need is within you ]
The universe echoed back when he called out into it. Repeating the words he said. Bringing his own voice to his ears. But there was the twinkling of stars, the crunching of dirt from far, far above bedrock. You are stronger than you think.
[ and the universe said you are stronger than you know ]
…He could get out of here. He had to. He had done so before, and he could do it again. And so he began to fall, no longer letting himself drift around in his own misery. He fell, further and further into the voidal darkness.
[ and the universe said you are the daylight ]
It wasn’t long before he came upon brightness. The light of the sun, setting over his brother’s world. There came the itching again. The feeling that he did not belong here. That nothing here was made for him or would ever welcome him. That the world would push him out as quickly as he had entered it.
[ and the universe said you are the night ]
He landed. Hard. And it hurt, it did… He lay there, staring up at the setting sun from where he lay on the ground. He felt that if he moved, even an inch, he would be sent plummeting back down into the void. That the ground would shatter beneath him, and everything he knew would fall, because he simply did not belong.
[ and the universe said the darkness you fight is within you ]
“Are you okay?” A hand. A face? A person. Looking down at him. A face heavy with scars and shining freckles. Was he okay? He wasn’t sure…
[ and the universe said the light you seek is within you ]
The hand reached down, and for a moment he stared at it, before he reached up to take it. The world did not shatter. The ground did not fall away. His brother’s eyes did not glow a dangerous lime green. He was not dropped.
[ and the universe said you are not alone ]
He gave a tiny nod, but then looked down, thinking. He didn’t think he was okay. He didn’t think he could take another round of falling, falling and falling and falling into nothing at all.
“I’m not… Okay…” He sniffled, daring to look up and face his brother. His brother, who was everything he could not be. Who was everything that everybody loved, all of the time. He did not belong. But after a moment, he felt arms embracing him. His brother. Xisuma.
“Shh, shh… It’ll be okay, I’m here…” Xisuma was here. Here for him.
[ and the universe said you are not separate from every living thing ]
For the first time, in a long time, E.X. felt that he belonged here. That here, right now, in his brother’s arms, he was where he was meant to be. The universe meant for him to exist like this. It meant for him to be able to enjoy this moment, however small it may be. Because it was big for him.
[ and the universe said you are the universe tasting itself, talking to itself, reading it’s own code ]
E.X. leaned against Xisuma as he was led to his base. As his brother sat him at the table in the dining room. He waited as the water boiled, before the kettle shrieked and they were both poured a cup of peach tea. His favorite. Did Xisuma remember that? He sat there and talked to his brother, as if they were equals. As if they always had been. As if that had always been his brother’s intent.
And maybe it was, wasn’t it? Maybe everybody really did love him. And if they didn’t, at least he had Xisuma. At least he had one true friend in this world. One person who would sit and listen and hold him. One person who would accept him as he was. As rough as the universe presented him. Xisuma took that rough, angry side of him and held it’s hand. And he was loved.
[ and the universe said i love you, because you are love ]