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One of the last things Emily Prentiss did before she died was to convince the BAU to give Ashley another chance.
It was something for which Ashley would always be immensely grateful. Her career in the FBI had been on a fast track to nowhere, after she had messed up her first case with the BAU. Then the dark haired woman had decided, for whatever reason, to have Ashley’s back.
Ashley had promised to have her back as well. But in the end, there was nothing Ashley could have done to save her.
It tore her up inside when she thought about it for too long. The look on the faces of her friends as they buried her was something Ashley would never forget.
An unforeseen consequence of Emily taking her under her wing shortly before she died, though, was that after she passed, every single member of the BAU stepped up. Ashley didn't know exactly what it was. Maybe it was the feeling of continuing Emily’s legacy in this world, by continuing Ashley’s training. Or maybe it was the love they had all held for their friend which now had nowhere to go, and it needed to be placed somewhere.
Regardless, the result was that the entire BAU mentored the everloving fuck out of Ashley. Rossi and Hotch invited her to listen in to meetings with the FBI board of directors, making contacts and getting a front row seat to the inner workings of the Bureau. Reid coached her through making her first independent profiles. Garcia gave her a guided tour of ViCAP, though she was crying continuously while doing so, just like she had been for weeks. Morgan personally trained her in arrest procedures and hand to hand combat, giving her one-to-one mentoring that the rest of her peers would have killed for.
And Ashley was always, always invited out for team nights. Whether it was dinner at Rossi’s, movie night at Reid’s or just heading out to a restaurant after a case, Ashley would always receive a heartfelt invite.
After a few weeks JJ, a mysterious blonde woman who had apparently been doing something dodgy at the state department for the last year, reappeared on a permanent basis. Ashley had first met her when she sauntered into the BAU while they were trying to track down Doyle, declaring that Emily apparently used to be an interpol spy, a few days before Emily died.
JJ didn’t seem to be handling Emily’s death the same way the rest of them were. She wasn’t crying all of the time like Garcia and Reid, and she wasn’t so angry that she routinely cracked coffee cups just by holding them, the way Morgan was doing. Initially Ashley just assumed JJ didn’t know her as well as the others.
It wasn’t until she had been watching JJ for a while, and clocked the dark rings underneath her eyes, hidden beneath makeup, that Ashley realised that this was probably a woman whose sorrow ran even deeper, whose grief was more profound than tears. One time she watched JJ sit in the office until almost 2 am, only to be back in for 7 the same morning, showered and with a fresh set of clothing. She realised then that whatever lonely hell JJ’s apartment held for her, it was something the woman was burying herself in work to avoid.
JJ was a little scary sometimes, Ashley thought. Regardless, the blonde woman took Ashley along with her on practically every profiling course she had to take, without Ashley even asking, and sat up with her long into the night to help her study for her exams. Ashley was immensely grateful, though sometimes she wondered if the distraction from her cold and lonely flat was as much for JJ as it was for Ashley.
Within a few months, Ashley was top of her class in practically every subject. When the team down-sized a little while later, Ashley had her pick of which department to get transferred to.
She still made sure to see her BAU friends as often as she could. Though, after she passed her exams and joined Andi Swann’s team, it could sometimes be months in between each time.
About a year after Emily died, Ashley finally had time to stop by the BAU again after a prolonged assignment in California. The team was delighted to see her, and she was passed around like a puppy at a primary school to be hugged and cherished by each member of the team.
Morgan and Reid both gave her a long, nice hug. Garcia gave her a long hug too, kissing her cheek and gushing about how grown up she was looking. Rossi and Hotch asked her all about how she was enjoying her new unit, if she would ever make a return to profiling and so on.
They were all so happy. Ashley had once thought that, after Emily’s death, they would never truly heal. But here they were, smiling and happy and together again. It made her heart warm.
JJ was perhaps the most different one, Ashley thought. The blonde looked radiant. Gone were the signs of insomnia and loneliness, and in their place was a wide smile. And, if Ashley was right about the spot on her neck barely covered by concealer, a hickey.
Ashley was happy for her.
“It’s so good to see you, Ashley,” JJ said as she pulled away from the hug. “Emily is going to be so sad that she missed you.”
Ashley froze.
“She always has the worst timing. We’ll tell her you stopped by though,” Morgan said kindly.
Ashley looked between them all. Well, she thought after a second. It was an unconventional way of grieving, to talk about your loved one as if they were still there. But it wasn’t unheard of, and, more importantly, it must have been a part of how they had been able to heal.
Ashley certainly wasn’t going to tell them how to grieve.
“Do you want to come out with us tonight?” Reid asked. “We’re all going bowling.”
“Sorry, we still have to do the debrief from California, and our schedule is kind of crazy. But I’m free in a few weeks?
“Great,” Rossi said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “We’ll do dinner at mine.”
—
They had set a place for Emily at the table.
Ashley eyed it from where she was standing with the others around the kitchen island at Rossi’s, a little unnerved. It was one thing to remember the people you had lost, but Ashley was starting to wonder if it perhaps wasn’t keeping them all from learning to cope with it. The way they all talked about Emily… sometimes it seemed like they were so deep in denial that they couldn’t acknowledge that she was not with them any longer.
Then again, Ashley thought, she had witnessed first hand how close the BAU had been before Emily died. She had known the love they shared for one another, and how dependent on each other they were.
Ashley had never been as close to someone as this team was to one another. Maybe this slight insanity was just what life-changing, overwhelming grief looked like.
Ashley hoped she would one day love another person as much as this team loved Emily Prentiss.
The mood of the group was happy, carefree, chatting about everything and nothing. The minutes ticked by as they sipped wine and jokes, something delicious simmering in a pot on Rossi’s stove.
Reid checked his watch. “Emily is exceptionally late today. Usually she is an average of 17 minutes late, but now it’s been almost 23.”
A pang of empathy shot through Ashley.
Morgan shrugged. “She’ll be here soon. She’s always late.”
If only that were true.
“Even when she’s not with you, JJ,” Reid said with a grin.
JJ rolled her eyes. “I think we all know that Emily makes me late, not the other way around.”
Ashley eyed her, processing the slight implication in the words. Ashley hadn’t known that JJ and Emily had been more than friendly. She had only met JJ after Emily disappeared, and then she had died soon after.
But it sort of fit. JJ’s sleepless nights and loneliness after Emily’s death made even more sense now.
Ashley’s phone dinged.
She fished it out of her handbag. As she read the message, her face started to fall. “Oh. I have to go into work. We’ve just got a new case in Arizona.”
Sounds of protest and sympathy erupted from the group.
She smiled sadly at them as she started to gather her things. “We’ll have to make up for it some other time. It was really nice seeing you guys again.”
“We’ll tell Emily you said hi,” was the last thing Ashley heard before she left.
—
Direct message between Ashley Seaver and Jennifer Jereau
8.25 pm
Ashley: Hey JJ, it’s me, Ashley.
Jennifer: Hey Ash! What's up? ☺️
Ashley: I need some case documents about the murders in Florida. Apparently our unit is going to take over the case from you guys. I heard that you had the files?
Jennifer: Thank god, I was not looking forward to going down to Florida tomorrow. It seems more like you guys’ type of case, anyway.
Ashley: Yeah, that’s what I was thinking too :)
Jennifer: I took the files home with me when I left work. If you need them right away you can stop by and pick them up? I’ll text you the address.
Ashley: Great! I’ll probably be there in about an hour, traffic is hell at the moment.
—
“Hey JJ, sorry I’m a lot earlier than I said! Traffic wasn’t nearly as bad as expected.” Ashley said when JJ opened the door. Then she paused. “Are you ok?”
JJ looked dishevelled. Her hair was tousled, and she looked flushed. She was wearing a pair of shorts and a button down shirt, but the buttons were in the wrong holes. The yellowed bruises of old hickeys were uncovered underneath the smear of her concealer, and a few new ones had been added as well.
And, Ashley noticed, JJ had only opened the door enough for her head to fit through.
“Yeah,” JJ said, blushing. “I just thought you wouldn’t be here for another 30 minutes.”
Over JJ’s shoulder, Ashley saw a flash of the backside of a mostly naked brunette, ducking in to take cover in JJ’s bathroom.
Ashley looked at JJ again, and she started to smile. She couldn’t fault JJ for having a type, after all. Ashley had a friend who exclusively dated blonde men who were five feet two. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise. Maybe I should have taken my time getting here.”
JJ’s blush deepend. For a moment none of them spoke.
Ashley thought about the months she had worked with JJ before getting reassigned. She had never met a woman who seemed to have quite as many demons in her closet, who refused to talk about them with even her closest friends. The JJ Ashely had known then had been pale, quiet, and haunted. She had been a haggard shell of the JJ who stood before her now, who looked radiant and adorably embarrassed.
But it had been almost a year since then.
Her smile widened. “Are you happy, JJ?”
JJ’s face broke out into a wide grin. “Yes. Very much so.”
“I’m so happy for you.”
They shared a long smile.
“Are those the case files?”
JJ was holding a stack of documents. “Oh yeah. Here you go.”
Ashley took them gratefully. “Thank you.” She checked her watch. “I guess I better get going then.”
JJ looked over her shoulder a little hesitantly. “You don’t want to stay and say hi?”
Ashley chuckled. “Some other time.”
JJ nodded, looking a little revealed. “I’ll see you at work, then.”
“I’ll see you at work.”
Ashley walked down the corridor from JJ’s door. The sound of delighted laughter was audible even though the wall.
—
Ashley was starting to see ghosts.
It started at the office, when Ashley was working late into the night. She had been staring at the same report for two hours, desperately trying to round it off so that she could go home and sleep. She had rubbed her eyes frustratedly.
When she lowered her palms from her face again, seeing a few stars from the pressure and the lack of sleep, she could have sworn that she saw Emily Prentiss walk past the door to the office.
Ashley shuddered. Maybe the way the BAU talked about Emily was starting to get to her, making her see things.
—
A few weeks later she saw a brunette playing chess in the park with Reid.
The woman was facing away from her, so Ashley couldn’t see her face. Her first thought was that maybe Reid was getting to know JJ’s new beau. The two of them were close, after all.
But, as she looked, she could have sworn that it was Emily’s exact build and body type.
Reid saw her and waved. Ashley waved back, a little hesitantly. Reid said something to the woman in front of him, and pointed to Ashley.
The woman started to turn around, but at that moment Ashley’s phone rang, and Andi Swann's name, Ashley’s boss, appeared on the screen.
Ashley accepted the call, and the immediate request to come into the office as soon as she could as well. She jogged to the nearest subway stop. Reid and his mystery woman would have to wait.
—
Ashley was on her way to visit Emily’s grave.
It was a strange thing to do, especially since she hadn’t, after all, actually known Emily for that long.
But seeing reminders of her everywhere, half thinking she was starting to see ghosts in the hallways late at night at the Bureau, was starting to get to her. She was hoping that spending some time at Emily’s grave might just remind her brain that the woman was no longer with them. That it would help Ashley process her death properly.
Because she was starting to see why the BAU talked about her the way they did.
She parked her car in the cemetery parking lot and killed the engine. It was early evening, and the sunlight was golden and beautiful. The green grass and lush trees could have been a delightful sight, if it weren’t for the numerous headstones placed in neat lines everywhere.
Ashley hadn’t been there since the funeral. It wasn’t really a time in her life she wanted to be reminded of. Yet, it seemed, it was time for a revisit.
She looked over towards the part of the cemetery where she knew Emily’s grave was, and had to do a double take.
Morgan was there. He was a fair distance away, presumably standing by Emily’s grave, but Ashely was sure it was him.
And what was more, Ashley thought she could see someone else with him, mostly obscured behind his body.
Ashley shook herself. She was seeing things.
As she watched, Morgan and his mystery friend, who Ashley still wasn’t entirely sure if was really there or not, appeared to throw back a shot each. The way Morgan seemed to sway a little hinted that it wasn’t their first.
Ashley got out of the car. Morgan needed a friend right now.
She followed the gravel path around the gates to the cemetery, losing sight of Morgan for a second. When she rounded a hedge and saw him again, he was alone. He probably had been the entire time.
Not only that, but he was walking towards her. “Seaver!” he said, words a little slurred but grinning widely. “I thought that was you. I was coming to investigate!”
Ashley hesitated. She had expected Morgan to be crying, or at least sullen and angry. She hadn’t expected him to be in a celebratory mood. “Hi, Morgan.”
Morgan wrapped her up in a hug, lifting her clean off the ground and sighing happily. “It’s good to see you,” he said, his articulation poor. He put her back on the ground and poked her nose. “We’re so proud of you.” His goofy smile was breaking Ashley’s heart.
“What are you doing here?”
“Celebrating life,” he said, winking at her.
“Do you… do that often?” Ashley said, a little concerned for her friend.
Morgan shook her head. “Only after especially nasty cases. We come here and we drink to life.” He was grinning like an idiot. “Emily says it’s a good way to make our peace with things.”
Ah. Coping mechanisms don’t always have to make sense.
Ashley smiled sadly at him. “Do you need a lift home?”
“Nope,” Morgan said, shaking his head. “Emily went to get us a cab, we’re going to go to Garcia’s and keep drinking probably. Do you want to come?”
“No, thanks,” Ashley said. There was only so much she could cope with in a day. “You guys have fun though. And promise me you won’t drive.”
Morgan held his hand up in a solemn scout’s honour. “I promise.” He saluted her. “Take care, Seaver! I’ll tell Emily you’re doing great for yourself.”
A few minutes later, Ashley was staring sadly at Emily’s gravestone. There were two shot glasses on top of it, which Morgan had left behind. Ashley wondered if he had drunk Emily’s too, or poured it out for her in a misguided attempt to water the petunia that was planted there.
“You left too soon, Emily,” she muttered eventually. “They are struggling without you.”
—
Things normalised after that. It was a busy fall, and Ashley was out on assignments a lot. She didn’t see the BAU as much as she had for those few weeks. She stopped thinking she was seeing Emily everywhere too.
Ashley figured it was probably a product of having some distance from the team and the way they talked about her. She found herself thinking of Emily Prentiss less frequently, and could finally clear her mind.
Eventually Ashley found herself back in Quantico, pulling an all nighter to get up to date with her paperwork. She was exhausted. The caseload that her unit had was almost as bad as that of the BAU, and Ashley was jet lagged and tired.
She was standing by the coffee maker at 3 am, having just put on a fresh pot. The Nespresso machine was her best friend at times like these.
“Oh, hey. I haven’t seen you in a while.”
Ashley turned around.
Emily was smiling at her. Her hair was a little shorter, but otherwise she looked much the same. She was carrying an empty coffee cup.
Ashley yawned loudly. “Hey yourself. You working the graveyard shift?”
Emily’s eyes sparkled with some sort of joke that Ashley was too tired to try to figure out. “That’s funny.” She took the pot and refilled her cup. “I’d love to stop and chat, but I have a report that I need to have done by 7.” She smiled a warm smile at Ashley. “We should get coffee some time, catch up properly.”
“That sounds great.” Ashley smiled tiredly at her. “See you around?”
“See you around.”
Emily left.
Ashley tiredly took the coffee pot and refilled her own cup. She had just managed to fill it, holding both it and the coffee pot, when realisation dawned on her.
Both the cup and the pot smashed against the floor.