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Dottore woke up to the sound of his lover panting in his sleep.
The man’s chest was heaving, breathing erratic.
“Honey,” Dottore said in a concerned tone of voice.
Pantalone was mumbling words which Dottore couldn’t understand as they were slurred and fast paced.
The sleeping man was in obvious distress over whatever was happening in his dream and his boyfriend couldn’t stand to watch it any longer.
“Darling, wake up.”
Pantalone awoke abruptly, quickly sitting up in bed as he screamed with wide eyes.
The screams soon turned to desperate sobs. He felt like he was still stuck in the nightmare.
Reality wasn’t something he could grasp yet. Dottore tried to get his attention but his boyfriend continued to sob as he stared straight ahead at a blank wall.
The poor shaken man had tears streaming down his face as he shook violently from the shock.
Clawing at his throat, he scratched his neck, starting to panic.
He felt like he was being choked to death. Like he was drowning and nobody was there to save him.
Dottore simply couldn’t sit there and watch his boyfriend cause himself accidental harm.
Though hesitant to do so, he decided to reach out and place his hands over Pantalone’s.
“Don’t do that,” he said with a frown, “Don’t hurt yourself love, it’s going to be okay.”
Pantalone didn’t show any signs of hearing his lover speak. It was all mumbling in the background to him.
Very gently, Dottore guided his boyfriend’s hands off his throat, placing them in his lap.
Still holding on, Dottore rubbed circles on the backs of Pantalone's hands with his thumbs, doing what he could to soothe the shivering man.
There was an overwhelming sense of grief which Pantalone could not remember and it terrified him. Lost in his thoughts, Pantalone was mentally spiraling and didn’t know what to do.
Taking notice of this, Dottore spoke in a reassuring tone of voice.
“Lone, I need you to take some deep breaths for me. It’s going to be okay, I promise. Nobody is going to hurt you.”
Though he could now hear his lover speaking whose voice he was starting to recognize, he couldn’t understand what was being said as his mind was still foggy. Not only that, he was unable to know how to respond.
Once aware of his surroundings, the man darted his head around, unsure of where he was.
Pulling his hands away from the light blue haired man, Pantalone curled up in a ball in a seated position, crying into his knees like a scared child.
He looked so fragile, as if he was a terrified kid again at that moment.
Yanking the comforter over his head, desperate to hide from any signs of danger, Pantalone hid from the world.
After giving him a moment to calm down in the safety of the comforter, Dottore gently lifted it from the shaking man’s body, shoving it off the bed so he couldn’t hide anymore.
This only caused Pantalone more distress but it was necessary so his boyfriend could better help in this time of need.
He couldn’t stay under there forever and Dottore noticed how it only made his boyfriend’s breathing sound more forced. Trying to calm his breathing would be harder if he stayed like that.
“W-Where am I?” he whimpered.
“It’s okay, I’m here. You’re in our bedroom.”
Dottore placed his hands on Pantalone’s cheeks which still had tears flowing down them. Wiping under his eyes, Dottore gave the shivering man a peck on the forehead.
“You’re safe now. Nobody is going to hurt you.”
Pantalone silently nodded before Dottore continued.
“I need you to take a few deep breaths for me, okay?”
The scared man nodded again, tried to take a breath but started coughing instead.
“Take your time,” Dottore said as he gently rubbed his boyfriend’s back.
Pantalone did as told, taking a moment to clear his head the best he could before taking another breath.
Closing his eyes, he directed his attention to his heart rate, making a conscious effort to slow his breathing.
Once he felt under control, he opened his reddened eyes to stare at the one before him.
“What happened?” Pantalone asked in a whisper as his throat hurt from all the screaming.
“You had a nightmare again.”
“I’m sorry,” the embarrassed man lowered his gaze.
Dottore let go of his lover to hold him in a warm embrace.
“Don’t be,” he said softly. “It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault. You’ve done nothing wrong, my love. Nobody is going to hurt you.”
Hearing those comforting words made Pantalone tear up again.
“Hey, no more tears now. You’re safe with me darling.”
The blue haired man kissed his lover’s forehead before continuing.
“Are you feeling any better now?”
Pantalone nodded, “Yeah, I’m alright.”
The man took another deep breath.
“What happened?” Dottore asked cautiously.
Pantalone sighed, “I think it was about what life was like for me when I was a kid.”
Dottore nodded in understanding. He knew a little about his boyfriend’s past but never pushed the man to share.
Though it hadn’t been something he thought about often, these nightmares were happening more often and it was starting to make Dottore concerned for his boyfriend’s overall wellbeing.
He knew he had to get to the bottom of this for the sake of Pantalone.
“Would you like to talk about it?” Dottore asked gently. “I know you haven’t wanted to in the past but if you do, I’m here to listen.”
Pantalone shook his head, frowning.
“No, talking about it will just make it worse.”
Dottore held onto his boyfriend’s hands, giving them a light squeeze to show he was there and everything was going to be alright.
“We don’t have to talk about it,” he said with a soft expression.
“Thanks for understanding.”
“Don’t mention it love. Is there anything I could do for you right now?”
“Hold me?” Pantalone asked with wide puppy eyes.
“Of course,” Dottore responded with a soft toothless smile on his face.
Reaching out his arms, Dottore allowed his lover to relax in his embrace as he sat up with his back against the headboard.
They stayed like that, Pantalone resting his head on his lover’s chest as the other ran his fingers through silky dark hair, until Pantalone drifted off to sleep.
That morning Pantalone awoke to an empty bed.
This wasn’t uncommon as his boyfriend hardly ever slept for more than a few hours at a time but it felt lonely after nights like the one he just had.
It reminded him of times in his life where he had no one who cared about him. Back when he was a child fending for himself.
Not wanting to dwell on the past, the man sat up and walked over to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Pulling his hair back into a high ponytail, he got ready before heading to the kitchen where he could hear his boyfriend setting the table for breakfast.
Pantalone was dressed in a matching dark purple silk pajama set with fancy house slippers which had all been custom made with the most expensive imported silks he could get his hands on.
He had offered to have a set made for Dottore but it wasn’t his boyfriend’s style. Not only that, he would be bound to make a mess of them as he often did experiments in the morning when random ideas would pop in his head.
The blue haired man was wearing simple gray sweatpants and a faded light blue shirt for pajamas. He was definitely a more comfort before fashion type of guy when it came to what he wore in his own home.
Pantalone had ruin guard patterned socks made for him as a joke which Dottore initially made fun of but secretly loved as he wore them all the time while at home in his sweats.
He thought his lover was absolutely gorgeous especially when he wasn’t wearing his mask as he often did when it was just the two of them.
Pantalone watched his boyfriend standing in front of the kitchen counter as he fiddled with some seemingly random scraps and pieces of Archons knows what.
The curious man walked over to his boyfriend and glanced over his shoulder. Hugging from behind, the dark haired man then rested his chin on his lover’s neck, closing his eyes as he breathed in his scent.
Setting down his work, Dottore raised one of his arms and held his boyfriend from the back of his head, running his fingers through dark locks as Pantalone unconsciously hummed.
“What are you humming?” Dottore asked.
“Was I humming?” Pantalone responded.
“You were and might I say the song sounded quite pretty. What is it from?”
Once he realized what he had been humming, Pantalone answered.
“It’s a song from a long time ago.”
He paused to think back to the memory.
“It’s from one of the few good memories I have from my childhood. I’d rather not talk about it this early in the morning but I promise I’ll tell you more about my past sometime soon.”
“That’s understandable,” Dottore stated before continuing. “Let’s go sit down and start our day. Though I love being close to you like this, I wanna see your pretty face.”
The dark haired man smiled.
“You flatter me doctor. You’re quite pretty as well.”
“Thank you darling,” Dottore said with a toothless smile on his face.
Pantalone kissed his boyfriend on the cheek before letting go and heading towards the kitchen table where the table was already set.
Dottore had made his boyfriend’s favorite tea which was hot and ready for him to drink.
“Thank you for the tea,” the man said with a soft smile as he held it in his hands close to his body to warm up.
Dottore took a sip of his tea as he watched his boyfriend with fond eyes.
The bright blue haired man hadn’t really been one for tea until Pantalone introduced him to it. They had tried multiple types until he found his favorite one. Pantalone had quite the collection after all as he sometimes invited people over for tea to talk business.
“So, what are your plans for the day?” Pantalone asked. “Any big progress on that project you practically begged me to put more funding into?”
Dottore grinned, “It’s actually going quite well. I’m at the point where I’m having my segments work on it for me today so I can spend time with you. That is if you have time to take a step back from work.”
“That is a possibility. I am ahead of my work as of now and don’t have any meetings today.”
It was rare for both of them to have an entire day off at the same time as they always had a multitude of responsibilities so it would be nice to share this day together.
Once it was decided that they would take the day for some quality time, Dottore left for a moment to threaten everyone who could possibly interrupt their peace that if they disturbed the two he would dissect them.
He made this especially clear to Tartaglia as he saw the ginger as extremely annoying and the last thing he wanted was a headache.
When Dottore came back to their place, he immediately walked over to his boyfriend and held him in his embrace.
“Where were you?” Pantalone asked as he wrapped his arms around his lover.
“Don’t worry love, I just went to make sure nobody would disturb us today.”
“Thank you dear.”
“Of course. And don’t worry I made it very clear to Tartaglia that if I see his face I will punch him.”
“Good because he’s been talking about needing more money and it’s starting to annoy me.”
Dottore nodded in agreement.
“Enough about him, what do you want to do today?”
Pantalone smiled, “I don’t care. As long as I’m with you I’m happy. What do you think we could do?”
The blue haired man smiled back.
“I can think of some things. Let’s get ready then we can talk about plans.”
Dottore took his lover’s hand and they walked together to the bedroom to get changed.
He threw on a blue button down and black harness with some plain black slacks. It took him a matter of minutes to get ready whereas his boyfriend had a whole routine.
Sometimes the bright blue haired man would make great progress on whatever experiment he was working on in the time it took the other man to get ready.
He watched his lover do his complex morning routine as they made small talk.
Once he was done with his face routine and brushed out his damp hair after a shower, the two headed out.
Dottore ended up taking his boyfriend on a calm walk around the Zapolyarny Palace.
It was nice to just spend time with someone in a calm silence sometimes. If anyone tried to talk to them, Dottore gave a death glare and scared them away. He was not about to let anyone disturb them.
The bright blue haired man broke the silence in a gentle voice.
“We don’t have to talk about it but would you want to talk about what happened last night? I think it might be helpful so I can at least know how to better support you during those times. Not only that, it might help with processing some of it. Would you want to talk about it?”
Pantalone let out a nervous sigh.
“Honestly, I think I’m ready to tell you a little more about my past. I’m not going to go into specifics as it might upset me but we can at least talk about it.”
“Sounds good. And obviously we will talk about whatever you want and are comfortable with.”
“Thank you for understanding.”
“Of course. So, how do you wanna start this?”
Pantalone took a deep breath.
“Well, maybe we start with what happened last night.”
Dottore nodded in agreement and squeezed his boyfriend’s hand to comfort him as they continued walking.
“I’m worried because these nightmares are starting to get worse and more frequent. I don’t know what to do anymore.”
“You were pretty scared to say the least.”
Dottore brought their hands up and kissed the back of his lover’s hand.
“I know we’ve talked about this before but is there anything else I could do to help you during those times? I know you’ve said I’m doing everything right but you’re getting worse and I’m wondering if we need a bigger plan of action.”
“No, you’re doing everything right. It’s just-”
Pantalone cut off as he could feel the tears welling up.
“I feel like giving up. There’s nothing else I can do but accept that I’ll always be stuck in the past to some extent.”
Dottore stopped walking, causing his boyfriend to do so as well. Facing him, the blue haired man took both of Pantalone’s hands in his own.
“We’re going to get through this together. I simply won’t allow this to become your norm. I can’t accept it. I don’t care what I have to do, I will help you through this.”
“How?” Pantalone questioned as he tried to hold back the tears. “There’s nothing we can do to stop me from having nightmares.”
“If all you need is for me to be there for you that’s what I’ll do. I promise from now on I will always be with you at night. I know you hardly sleep whenever I’m gone and when you do the nightmares are worse.”
“But you’ll still have to travel sometimes. What then?”
Dottore shrugged, “I’ll send segments in my place. Nobody will notice the difference besides you. You’re the only one who can really tell some of us apart anyway. Even if I did have to go for a short trip, I’d do anything to reach you before nightfall.”
Pantalone let go of his lover’s hands to cry softly into his own hands.
Trying to hide from any possible passing people, he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, hiding his face in the blue haired man’s neck.
“Come on, let’s go home. We can talk about it more there if you want to.”
Pantalone leaned into his boyfriend as they walked back to their place, trying his best to hide.
Fortunately, nobody saw them as it would be unbecoming for Pantalone to be seen in the condition he was currently in.
Once home, the two walked over to sit on the living room couch together.
Dottore sat up as he watched his boyfriend lay down so his head was resting in the blue haired man’s lap.
Fiddling with his fingers, Pantalone laid there in silence while calloused scarred fingers ran through his soft hair.
He could’ve fallen asleep right there if it weren’t for the fact that there were a few things he wanted to get off his chest.
“I’m going to tell you a little about my past. I don’t really know where to start so I’m just going to start talking.”
“Alright, I’ll sit here quietly and only speak when you ask me to.”
“Okay,” Pantalone took a breath, “I don’t know how long these nightmares have been going on for but I want to say most of my life. Anyways, they just keep getting worse with age and it’s getting tougher to cope.
Pantalone sighed, “The nightmares are so graphic. They feel so real as if it’s happening all over again at that moment. The hands, the yelling, everything.”
He hugged himself. “I was just a boy. I didn’t deserve to go through any of that.”
“I know,” Dottore said gently, “It wasn’t your fault.”
Pantalone wiped his tears.
“I just feel so helpless in those moments like I was when I was young.”
The blue haired man nodded.
“Nobody is going to hurt you anymore. You aren’t going to go hungry ever again.”
“I’m not ready to face the trauma. Some things are better left forgotten and I wish I could forget it all. Yes, some of it has been repressed but there’s still so much pain I can remember vividly.”
“You don’t have to process your trauma if you aren’t ready to.”
Pantalone sniffled, curling in on himself as he leaned more into Dottore’s lap.
“Could we maybe talk about something else now? I’m starting to think about things I’d rather not think about right now.”
“Of course we can. I want this day to be perfect for you as you deserve it.”
“Thank you. I really appreciate you listening. This was helpful.”
“I’m glad darling. I’m more than willing to listen anytime you need to process everything.”
“Thank you,” Pantalone wiped the last of his tears.
After that, the two laid on the couch together and shared some quality time in silence.