Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He may only be out to his little sister, but Kai being bisexual is no grand secret, it just hasn’t come up. What is more intentionally under wraps is that he may or may not have a crush on Zane. Zane, one of his best friends, who has just acquired himself a girlfriend. This is a fact that Kai is not at all bothered by, thank you very much. He’s self-aware enough to admit that he can be a fairly jealous person – not that it needs to be said, with the whole “Green Ninja” debacle – but that’s not relevant here. Kai just wants Zane to be happy. He’s good with just being friends, he’s never been one to dance around his feelings for no good reason, it’s just that this is enough for him. Kai isn’t willing to risk messing up his relationship with the nindroid on the off-chance he might return his feelings, not to mention how awkward it would be considering they share both the same support system and home.

Kai is perfectly content being Zane’s friend, but that doesn’t mean seeing him and Pixal together doesn’t sting. Kai has nothing against Pixal, she’s kind and funny and confident. She makes Zane happy, Kai could never resent her for that. The two are inarguably perfect for each other, he would never get in the way of what they have. It's just that thinking about how he’s missed his chance to tell Zane how he feels does something to Kai’s stomach. Which is stupid, considering he’s long since decided to not do that. Regardless, Kai do be feeling feelings no matter how much he would rather not.

In his attempts to avoid excessive longing, Kai offers to help Nya clean up the control room a few days after their battle in the Digiverse. Entering the bridge after lunch as they had discussed, Kai finds Nya sifting through a box of parts under one of the main panels. “How’s it going?” He says as a means of announcing his presence.

“Oh!” Nya sits up, apparently having not heard him open the door. “I’m good, pretty good. You?” She says, narrowly avoiding hitting her head on the counter as she stands.

“I’m alright, what am I helping with?”

“Well, I’ve got some spare parts to sort and cables to untangle, but I actually wanted to talk to you.” Nya doesn’t get nervous, nearly ever, but something similar to apprehension leaks into her voice now.

“You know you don’t have to make an excuse to talk to me.” He tells her, tone edging on teasing but words entirely genuine.

Nya smiles slightly. “I know,” She agrees, “It’s just a bit easier, y’know?” She takes a seat in one of the room’s chairs, Kai follows her lead.

“Yeah,” He agrees with a ghost of a laugh, “So what’s going on?” Admittedly, Kai already has a pretty good guess. Nya’s little love triangle drama with Jay and Cole has died down now, but she hadn’t talked to him about it the entire time it was going on. Nya has always been independently minded, Kai trusts her to take care of herself and to ask for help when and where she needs it. If what she needs from him is an escape from a stressful situation, he’s more than happy to be her shelter. He won’t deny his curiosity, though.

“I’m aromantic,” She says simply.

“Oh, okay!” He says, mildly surprised but happy for his sister nonetheless. “That’s in the same sphere as asexuality, right?”

Nya laughs, “Something like that. They both describe a lack of attraction, just different types of attraction. I guess I’m probably also asexual, but a lot of people don’t separate the two and ‘aromantic’ just sounds right.”

“I get that.” He says, giving her a lopsided smile. “I’m really proud of you, sis.”

He stands from his chair and Nya just smiles as he comes and wraps his arms around her. Nya melts into the hug and Kai just holds her. When they finally separate, Kai figures he might as well poke her about it. “So I take it this has something to do with the whole ‘Perfect Match’ thing?”

“Oh, don’t even get me started,” She says mock-seriously. “But kind of, it led me to realize I don’t really understand or want that kind of relationship at all.”

Kai thinks of how on edge Jay has been since he and Nya called it. The blue ninja has been trying (poorly) to act like everything’s normal but he’s pretty clearly down and easily frustrated. “Does Jay know?” It’s not about him, it really isn’t. Nya will always come before anyone else, but that doesn't mean Kai isn’t worried about his friend, too.

“Not in so many words,” She admits, “I told him I don’t think that sort of love is for me, but he’s still well within his rights to be upset.”

“Hurt? Sure,” Kai agrees, “But if he’s mad at you, I’m not gonna stand for that.” He says firmly, even knowing Jay could never resent her.

Nya scoffs, “I don’t think he is. I hate seeing him sad, though.”

“Hey,” He starts, resting his hand on her shoulder, “Even if you weren’t official, it’s still a breakup to him. He’s gotta feel his feelings, even if we all wish he didn’t have to.” Kai knows he’s a hypocrite, alright? By the look Nya sends him, she’s picking up on that too.

“Speaking from experience?” She asks, pressingly lightly but giving him an out.

“Maybe,” He admits, “I’d rather not get into it, though.”

Nya hums in acknowledgment and lets it slide. “Let’s get to work then,” and they do.

Chapter Text

Nothing’s ever truly over for them, is it? None of their enemies seem to stay gone. The Overlord returns hardly a week later. Everything goes so fast, fighting one hopeless battle after another. Maybe that’s why it shakes Kai to his core when the world stops. When Zane dies.

Kai is unable to look away, even as it becomes undeniably clear has no intentions of surviving this fight. When ice explodes from the center of the city, it freezes Kai’s core. He’s never felt this cold before.

Even when speaking at Zane’s funeral, Kai still feels cold.

Even as it begins to snow and the snowflakes melt on his skin far faster than they would for anyone else, Kai remains cold.

Even throwing himself into recreational fighting – in sweltering, sweaty bars – Kai is still cold.

Dwelling on Zane and everything that died with him only eliminates any ounce of heat in Kai’s soul, but running away doesn’t rid him of the chill either. The Bounty is too empty, too quiet now. Before long Kai is only coming home to sleep, and even that isn’t an everyday occurrence. Keeping himself occupied with ring fights only lasts as long as the bar is open, much of Kai’s unaccounted for hours are spent in the park where Zane’s statue was erected. He used to try talking to it, but it just felt cheap. He’s not getting any more closure from this 20-foot statue than he is his deceased friend.

Even now, seeing it now speckled with bird poop and moss that have accumulated over the past two months, Kai has no words. He isn’t even sure what he’s thinking. All he knows is that he feels cold and numb. It’s time to get to work.

—

Maybe it’s not “work” per se, seeing as you only get paid if you win, but Kai’s never lost. All participants get free drinks, anyway. Kai’s cashing in his first for the night, when he hears a familiar voice.

“You shouldn’t drink so much.” Kai looks around wildly, not seeing Lloyd anywhere until he drops from the ceiling. “Alcohol isn’t going to help your body or your mind.”

“It’s my first of the night, kid. What are you doing here?” Kai asks impatiently.

“It’s barely two in the afternoon, what are you doing here?” Kai scowls, hating that Lloyd has some semblance of a point. When he doesn’t answer, Lloyd sighs. “Look, I get it. You run out of bad guys to fight out there, so you come to places like this. But this isn’t going to satisfy you Kai, I know this isn’t fulfilling. We’re meant to be out there protecting people, not in here beating up thugs for a cheap buck. Zane would want us to help people.”

“Well Zane isn’t here, is he?” Kai spits bitterly, “He should be but he’s not. It should’ve been me.”

“You always think it should’ve been you. First the green ninja, now this.”

Kai slams his margarita on the table. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Lloyd raises an eyebrow, unfazed. “I don’t? Tell me how this is different from your usual martyr complex. You think if you die in some great battle for the fate of the world then all your pain will have been worth it. Well guess what, Kai? It’s worth it anyway because you’re still here. Sometimes shit happens. There’s not always some great reason for our tragic backstories, life just sucks sometimes. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter. You matter, Kai. Start treating yourself like you do.” Lloyd pauses, seemingly satisfied with his speech. Kai has been resolutely staring at his drink for most of it, but he can still feel Lloyd’s expression soften. “We’re still here, Kai. When you’re ready to stop pushing away the people who care about you, you know where we’ll be.”
When Kai looks up, his brother is already gone.

—

Kai accepts Lloyd’s invitation to dinner the next night. He really shouldn’t have been surprised to find the kid tricked everyone into meeting up, he’s always been a scheming little gremlin. In all honesty, Kai has kinda missed Jay and Cole. Zane’s absence weighs heavily over them as they sit in Chen’s Noodle House, but it fades into the background as a frankly embarrassing robbery attempt pulls them from their stilted conversation. He hasn’t seen any of them in well over a month, but they still work together seamlessly. They put up a united front and even banter as they expel the lousy criminals from the establishment.

Yeah, Kai missed this.

What he didn’t miss was the nonsense that came next. It’s a clear trap, but just the thought of Zane being alive has his heart shooting up to his throat and him feeling sick to his stomach. It’s a good feeling, somehow. Kai’s anxieties over seeing the other are thoroughly trampled by the avalanche of relief and indescribable mess of love and grief that flood through his veins.

He doesn’t care that it’s a trap, if there’s even a chance that he gets to see Zane again, Kai is going to take it.

Chapter Text

Kai has a plan. He is going to save everyone, including Zane. He just has to get his hands on that staff, and he needs Skylor’s help. While whatever attraction he may have felt for her was severely dampened by their reason for being on the island and thoroughly extinguished by the little stint he thought they were related, Kai does like her. Not romantically – at least not now – but Kai respects and admires Skylor. He wants to believe he can trust her, so he puts her to the test in a frankly way more intense scenario than is justified, but Kai’s going with what he’s got, okay?

Regardless, Skylor pulls through. The real threat to saving all their friends is the staff in Kai’s hands. He had such a solid plan, but after maybe a minute Kai finds himself already addicted to the power. He doesn’t want this, he doesn’t, but the way the overload of elemental energy worms its way to the darkest recesses of his brain and tug on his greatest regrets and desires has him slipping. Because maybe Lloyd was right about him needing to justify his suffering with success. Because maybe Zane would love him back if he had been strong enough to save him. Because maybe Kai would be able to keep his family safe with the power flooding his brain and body.

The staff is ripped from his hands and Kai feels like he can breathe again. He only takes a second to recalibrate. He knows who he is, he knows what he wants, and he knows what he has to do. Wrestling Chen for the staff works decently until they’re thrown halfway across the room. Kai pushes himself and bolts for the staff halfway between them. No hesitation now, as soon as Kai has a solid grip he uses that same momentum to smash the crystal into the ground. Multicolored lights explode across the room that Kai barely catches a glimpse of before his fire swirls around him, blocking his vision as it returns to his body.

As the flames clear, Kai takes the time to look around. He heard the other elemental masters arrive but hadn’t gotten a good look at them considering him, y’know, nearly losing his mind. Cole seems to be alright, fighting alongside Karloff, of all people. He scans the crowd for Jay, finding him after a moment but immediately being distracted by the solid metal person beside him. Zane.

Kai shakes his head slightly, he can talk to the man later, for now they have cultists to conquer.

—

Cultists officially conquered. As their fellow elemental masters are double-checking that they’re secured control of the island, Kai notices Zane standing to the side. He doesn’t seem busy and neither is Kai. Why put off until tomorrow what can be done today, right? “Hey Zane,” He greets as he approaches the other.

Turning to face him, Zane meets his gaze with a smile. “Kai.” It’s entirely unfair how the nindroid manages to lace one syllable with so much affection, but luckily Zane extends his arms slightly which Kai immediately falls into. Kai gives him the tightest hug he can manage and Zane returns it in full (or as fully as he can without injuring him, at least).

“I missed you,” Kai says simply.

“And I you.” Zane responds earnestly as he begins to pull back.

“Um…” Of course Kai is hesitating now, after he already decided to bite the bullet if he ever saw Zane again. “Could we talk?”

“Of course,” Zane agrees, picking up on Kai’s nervous energy, “Would you like to go somewhere more private?”

Kai looks around, they’re at the edge of the forest, there are a few people around but all are well out of earshot. “Nah, this is fine. I, um… I just wanted to let you know that I like you. Romantically like you. I know you’re with Pixal and I’m entirely cool just being friends, but I really regretted not having told you when you- when we thought you were dead. So yeah, I just wanted to put it out there.”

Zane has a terrifyingly blank expression for a long few seconds and Kai has to continuously remind himself that this is Zane’s natural state. He doesn’t emote very heavily when he’s thinking, Kai knows this, but it still freaks him out given the nature of this conversation. After a moment more, Zane’s gaze softens. “I appreciate you telling me. I will admit I haven’t considered you romantically before, but you are objectively handsome and I greatly enjoy your company.” He pauses, blushing slightly. “Pixal suggests my assessment of your attractiveness to be biased, you can make of that what you will.”

“Wait, Pixal’s here?” Kai interrupts, embarrassed. He of course wants her to be in the loop, but he didn’t know she was listening in.

Zane’s gentle smile drops. “Yes, her body was destroyed. I downloaded her consciousness onto my harddrive before escaping Chen’s dungeon.”

“Oh, okay. I’m sorry that happened, Pix,” He says genuinely, adding almost as an afterthought, “And I swear I’m not trying to steal your man.”

A short laugh escapes Zane. “She appreciates your sympathy. She also is quite supportive of us exploring a more romantic relationship.”

Kai’s jaw drops. “I- really? You know you don’t have to, right? Especially if you or Pixal need more time or to talk more about it. Really, there’s- there’s no pressure.”

“I appreciate that, Kai.” Zane rests a hand on his shoulder. “I think I would quite like taking our relationship to another route, but we can discuss it more once we have Chen in custody.”

Kai smiles. “Of course.” The pair (trio?) start to head back to the group without further discussion, but they only get a few steps away before Zane gently grasps Kai’s hand. He sends him a look, clearly wondering if this is okay. Kai squeezes the other’s hand in response. It’s great.

Chapter Text

Zane hadn’t thought he had set any expectations for reuniting with his friends, but apparently he did, considering Kai expressing romantic affection for him caught him so thoroughly off guard. What was nearly as surprising was Pixal’s insistence that his own feelings for the red ninja were not as strictly platonic as he thought. His girlfriend even encouraged him to explore these feelings. It was surprising, even more surprising is how happy Pixal’s support made him.

Regrouping at the front gates, their new allies have made significant progress securing the island. However, Clouse and Chen are still on the loose and Skylor is unaccounted for. Noticing how Kai’s shoulders sag at the reminder, Zane grabs his wrist in a way he hopes is reassuring. Kai gives him a grateful smile as the group continues to discuss plans. It’s time to end this.

—

Okay so Zane may be a touch frazzled. In his defense, he’s on the precipice of freedom after spending he-doesn’t-even-know-how-long locked in a dark room, so he’s in kind of a rush to deal with the guy who put him there (and rescue Kai’s new friend). Regardless, Pixal is entirely justified for berating him when he falls into a cavern because he didn’t listen to her.

As much as he appreciates Jay and Kai stopping to check on him, the mission comes first and he tells them as much. He’s looking around for a route out of the tear in the earth he fell down when he hears a thunderous roar from further down the cave. A gigantic ice dragon emerges, Zane throwing himself against the wall to get away from the beast. “Zane, what’s happening?” Pixal asks.

“Dragon,” He gasps unhelpfully, “Giant, hostile dragon. It’s going to eat me.”

“Zane,” Pixal says calmly, “There is no dragon.”

“Yes, there is.”

“Zane, whatever you are seeing is inside your head. Nothing is going to hurt you.”

He shoots ice at the aggressor but it remains unaffected. “I can’t stop it,” Zane exclaims.

“Because there is nothing to stop. You are safe, Zane.”

“I’m not Zane,” The nindroid argues, “I’m not the white ninja, I’m just a cheap replica. If this isn’t real, that means I’m malfunctioning. I’m not supposed to malfunction, I’m not supposed to be here. I’ve only tricked you into thinking I’m the person you loved, same with Kai. I’m not-”

“Zane, breathe,” Pixal cuts him off, “You are real. I am real. This anxiety is real, but it will pass.” Her voice soothes something fundamental in him, the rhythm of her words calming. He knows logically he doesn’t need to breathe, but following her instructions eases his mind. “Close your eyes.”

He does as she says, falling to his knees and landing in the dirt, hearing the dragon’s heavy breathing come ever closer. “I am not the white ninja.”

Pixal’s voice is calm and patient as she asks, “Who are you, then?”

“I-” He fumbles, “I don’t know.”

“That’s okay,” She reassures, “We can figure it out together. Let’s start with what we do know. What can you tell me about where we are?”

Zane exhales, “We’re in a cave. I… fell out of my mech. I ran into a tree because I didn’t listen to you.”

“Good thing you learned from your mistake, then. You’re listening to me now, aren’t you?” He laughs lightly at her deadpan humor. “What can you tell me about me?”

“You’re Pixal,” He says simply, “I gave you my heart the day we met, and half my power source the day after that.”

She smiles, “Still a romantic. What can you tell me about us?”

“That’s a bit vague,” Zane almost laughs, “Well, we’re both androids, if that’s what you mean. In terms of our relationship, I don’t… I don’t recall if we’ve ever said it officially, but I consider you my girlfriend.”

Pixal nods in the corner of his vision. “You are correct that we never discussed labels. We’re in a committed romantic relationship, and I am quite comfortable with you calling me your girlfriend.”

Something about either her word choice or tone confuses Zane. “Is there… a reason you would be opposed to that term?”

Pixal hums, “I don’t see myself as being any gender, really, but I am most comfortable being referred to and perceived as feminine.”

“Oh.” A quick search later – that Pixal can definitely see, but they silently agree to ignore that fact – he asks, “What are your pronouns?”

“I mostly use she/her for myself, but any are good. What about you?”

“I… I don’t know,” Zane admits hesitantly, “How did you decide?”

“It wasn’t a conscious decision. I was originally put in a male body, but it felt wrong. I talked with Cyrus about different options and landed on a feminine image for my form.”

“I suppose I am a man, then. Since I’ve never felt that sort of discomfort,” He says, intentionally not dwelling on how he tripped over the first phrase.

“Not necessarily,” Pixal explains, “It’s not about feeling wrong, but finding what feels most right.”

Zane hums, “I might have some things to consider.”

“I imagine so,” She teases gently, “But if you want to continue this conversation later, I believe your dragon is sufficiently calm now.” Zane hadn’t even realized he still had his eyes closed and his face buried in his arms. Opening his eyes, he finds the dragon from before laying calmly before him, its chin resting on the ground just in front of him.

“Oh, hello.” He says, reaching out to stroke its snout. With his panic abated, Zane knows he’s not the same as he once was, but that he’s still himself. He is Zane, and Zane’s story of self-discovery is far from over.

—

“Kai?” Zane asks the red ninja the day after the battle at the Corridor of Elders.

The brunet is sitting on his bed with his phone in hand, though he sets it aside as he meets Zane’s gaze. “Hey! Um, what’s up?”

“Two things,” They elect to not beat around the bush, “I would like to go on a date with you, for one.” Kai bolts upright, his excitement earning a laugh from the other.

“Yeah! Yes, do you have anything in mind?”

“Maybe a picnic?” Zane suggests.

Kai smiles softly, “That sounds lovely. What was the other thing?”

Zane takes a seat on the end of Kai’s bed, nearly shoulder to shoulder with the red ninja before he pivots to better face Zane. “Perhaps this should have come first, but I realize I don’t know your orientation and have recently begun questioning my gender. I thought it would be important to convey to you in case it affects how or whether you want to proceed.”

Kai gives them an amused look before his lips quirk upward, “Proud of you, dude/non-dude. I’m bi so it's not an issue at all, I like you for you.” He reassures them with a shoulder nudge. “I’m also trans if you wanna talk about gender stuff.”

“Really?” Zane says, vaguely surprised though he quickly realizes how much sense it makes.

Kai just scoffs disbelievingly. “Yeah? I kinda figured you and Pix knew and just didn’t want to pry, to be honest.”

“Oh, well, I don’t have the technology for more than a cursory scan to check for injuries, or at least I didn’t until recently. I’ll admit I haven’t checked, it seems a bit invasive. It’s possibly Pixal may have known but she didn’t mention it if so.”

“Is she not where you can talk to her?” Kai asks.

“I could reach her if I needed but she wanted to give us some privacy,” Zane explains.

“Cool, cool. Pronouns?”

“I’m trying they/them right now but he/him is still good. What about you?”

“Just he/him,” He says simply, “Thanks for trusting me with this.”

“Of course, thank you for sharing this with me, as well.”

“For sure,” Kai agrees. Zane pats his knee as they get up to leave, getting halfway across the room before Kai realizes. “Hey wait.” Zane stops and turns to face the other. “We didn’t set a time for our date.” Zane laughs, finding they like this, they want more of these moments with Kai. Luckily, Kai seems to feel the same. They could have something special on their hands.