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Ghost thought that it would be hard for him to bond with Callum because of his trauma, but he found that what little he learned with Joseph, helped with the wriggling baby.
Callum was 7 lbs when he was born, leaving Soap to grunt at how small he was, but did not feel like it when he came out. Alejandro had laughed softly as he held the tiny thing, running his fingers over curls that poked the baby’s eyes.
Callum, now three months old, was something that Ghost was still getting used to.
He loved his partners, and he would always follow their decisions. He was wrapped in their love, and partnership, and would do anything, going as far as to eat the scraps that they threw at him.
Sure, Callum’s cries sometimes sent him into panic attacks, but if Rudy, Alejandro and Soap are too tired to notice, it’s fine.
Callum is important. He is the embodiment of all of their love. Ghost is okay putting himself last.
He thinks that as he stares into the tiny little cot, blinking away tears from the latest panic attack. He puts his hand against Callum’s noise, feeling the anxiety of not knowing if he’s alive go away with the huff of the little boy’s nose. Callum whimpers, opening big brown eyes and staring up at Ghost.
When he first came home, he didn’t look at anyone unless they were talking. Ghost knows, from what little he remembers from Joseph, that babies can’t see much in the first couple of months. He remembers the first time he had noticed that he saw him, He had returned from the bathroom, and the tiny little thing had been tucked up on pillows, tiny on the huge Alaskan king,, sleepy from Soap feeding him.
Callum had looked at him, blinking, then cooing softly. Almost like he knew who Ghost was.
Ghost found himself smiling.
Now, he stares at the baby as he kicks and turns on his side, ready to go back to sleep as he realizes the disturbance is not Soap giving him boob. Ghost huffs softly, bending down and looking at him from the side of the bed.
Though it was not recommended, Soap had decided to cosleep with Callum. The little moses basket he was in cute in a way that made Ghost want to punch a couple of walls. Soap had read up on all of that, with Ghost nervously giving him what little info he could remember of Joseph.
Ghost puts his large hand on Callum’s tiny one, blinking away tears again as he remembers Joseph.
They don’t know about Joseph.
Alejandro had briefly mentioned to Ghost his suspicion of how well he knew children, but Callum had been born and all their attention was on Callum.
Alejandro, of course, had to have skin to skin contact. Since he was the father, he wanted to be as close as he could.
Rudy was trying his best to keep Soap healthy. The man had really suffered from postpartum, especially as his dysphoria was off the walls from giving birth.
Rudy would take care of him, making sure to remind him that he was wonderful, and strong for going through that for them. Soap purred under the soft hands in his hair, and all three of them would cuddle on the large bed, Callum in his tiny little moses.
Ghost would quietly stare at them as long as he could, taking in his family, and wishing that he wasn’t being so ignored.
He is not jealous of Callum. Callum deserves everything and more, especially as he is their love put into a person. Callum’s sweet little eyes and hands always reached out to Ghost, almost like he understood what Ghost was going through.
It’s strange. It’s hard to really place himself between this new life.
Callum takes up most of everyone’s time, trying to keep the little thing alive. With Soap puttering around, and Ale and Rudy going back to work, it seems that Ghost is forgotten.
It’s okay though. Since Callum came home, he’s been feeling like his entire world reset itself back.
Callum… Callum is amazing. Wonderful.
Ghost is staring at the little guy, his knees tucked up under himself, and his head on the pillow next to Callum. He’s so tiny, his head the size of Ghost’s palms, and his entire body fitting in the span of his inner arm.
Ghost feels his heart throb as Callum wrinkles his nose at a nightmare.
Ghost would do anything for his family. And if it means being quiet, and letting them take care of the sweet little baby over him, he’ll accept it.
Rudy, though not working and being benched, does do paperwork and work with recruits, and Alejandro, being a colonel, had to work.
Ghost, though, had been home, drifting through his memories, and keeping Soap safe, Something about Callum being in their home had been making it harder for Ghost to go to sleep.
He is climbing through the window, sniffing softly as he shakes off the dew from his clothes. He’s only in a wife pleaser and some shorts, and he regrets it as he realizes how actually cold he is. His blond hair is wet, and his body aches as he looks at the cameras in the back of the house.
His anxiety about being safe was starting to get worse. Worried about Callum, about someone coming in and killing his lovers.
Ghost is being irrational, he knows, but he just can’t stop himself.
There’s soft crying from their bedroom, and Ghost freezes. His entire body feels like it stills, and his body feels freezing cold. There’s soft sobbing, and Ghost slowly walks to room, his heart pounding.
Joseph’s face is cold and dead as he looks down at him, expecting his.
sweet little voice to tell him he got him another shiny
rock that reminds him of Simon’s big brown eyes and--
Ghost walks in to Soap holding Callum, who is sobbing and wiggling in Soap’s hands. The baby is red face, angry and punching at Soap, who is trying to feed him a syringe.
Ghost’s entire body instantly relaxes, and he walks up to Soap, who turns to look at him with big grey eyes, His cheeks are red, and he’s undressed chest up.
Ghost feels his cheeks flush red, as it had been a while since he and Soap had sex. He always loved Soap’s body, and even with the stretch marks and weight gain, Ghost felt even more in love with his body.
“He has a fever. He has had one for the last couple of hours, I don’t know what’s wrong--”
There are bags under his eyes, and Ghost sighs softly, walking up to Soap and gently taking the tiny little thing. Callum sobs into Ghost’s arms, rubbing his face into his cool skin, and Ghost knows the baby is running a high fever.
“Gimme the syringe, love,” He says softly to Soap, who sniffles and gives it to Ghost. The man pulls Callum back, and quickly spurts the medicine into his cheek, making the baby pause, then let out a wail.
Ghost shushes the baby softly, looking down at him as he runs large fingers over the little boy’s eyebrow. Callum starts to root, and Ghost miles down at him.
“Go to sleep, love. You’re exhausted,”
Soap stares up at Ghost in wonder, his pretty eyes glittering with love and astonishment. Ghost reaches to press a soft kiss on Soap’s lips, making him sigh lovingly, and grab a shirt. He slides it on, and curls up on the big bed, sighing and immediately passing out.
Ghost holds Callum, grabbing the bottle with breast milk and going to the other bedroom. The little cot is mostly unused, but it's perfectly quiet and warm enough for the baby.
Ghost hums softly as Callum takes the bottle, and suckles loudly.
There is nothing he wouldn’t do for his partner’s son.
Ale had mentioned that Callum is also his kid. But there was something about Ghost that made him hesitate.
Callum’s big brown eyes look up at him, reminding him of Alejandro so much it makes his chest hurt. Callum looks up at him, Soap’s spitting image wrinkling his little face as he shifts and starts to feel better from the medicine.
“Little man, you gotta let your Da sleep,” Ghost whispers, and rocks in the chair. His clothes are dry now, and his nose itches slightly.
Grabbing a soft, purple blanket, Ghost wraps it around both of them tightly and tucks his legs into himself. Callum huffs, closing his eyes and pressing against Ghost’s pec, and sighing softly.
He falls asleep with Callum nuzzles close to his heart.
It doesn’t take him long to realize that he got sick from Callum.
It’s his own dumb ass for going out in the dark and not wearing actual clothes for the weather.
His skin is flushed red, and his eyes are watery, but he’s pushing through.
Callum has been acting out a little, and Ghost thinks he knows that Ale and Rudy have been out and about longer than before. Callum was used to Ale talking to him in the mornings, making food for all of them as Callum looks up at him from his chair.
Rudy would sing to him, gently holding his tiny hands and dancing with him in the kitchen. Pressing soft little kisses on his forehead and laughing when Callum would sneeze.
Right now, Callum is squeaking softly, hearing all of them moving around and knowing that he can get extra attention.
Ghost is curled up on a small nest he made, staring at Callum on the bed and smiling as he rocks back and forth.
Ghost grunts softly as his head starts swimming, and he cuddles up closer to his sheets. Since Callum had come home, Ghost always made sure that he was in the same room as the baby, scared that looking away from him would make him disappear.
Joseph is so pale, he’s so pale. His usually apple red cheeks are white, and his lips are blue--
They’re so blue--
He knows that his memories are getting worse, and the sickness is not helping, but he has to be with Callum. He has to keep his partner’s son safe, make sure that Soap and Ale and Rudy will never have to see a dead loved one.
If Ghost dies it won’t matter.
If Callum dies, Soap will never, ever be happy again.
Ghost feels his entire body shake, and he grunts softly as Rudy comes into the room, putting pillows up for Callum, and gently running his fingers through his soft hair.
Ghost’s eyes cross, and he closes them, sighing softly.
“Simon? Simon?”
The voice talking to him is blurry, and it sounds like it’s in a cup. Ghost’s eyes are too damn heavy to open, them, so he doesn’t.
There’s a gentle smack on his face and a repetitive call of his name, but he can’t reply.
All he sees is Joseph’s face covered in blood.
There’s yelling around him, and a cry of a baby fills his ears. Ghost grunts, pushing hands away and reaching out to the crying.
“Joseph…. Joseph, Tommy, the baby is crying--” He whimpers gently as he falls against the bed, feeling his body fail him.
“SIMON!”
Rudy stares quietly at Ghost as he shakes in the bed, groaning gently as Soap pressing a cold compress on his face. Ghost whimpers as Soap pulls away the cold rag, squeezing it into a bowl, then dipping it into the ice bath.
“How long has he been sick?”
Soap whispers as he looks up at Rudy. Rudy shakes his head, not really knowing either. Alejandro has Callum wrapped on his chest, and is staring at the man quietly.
Callum lets out a whimper and Ghost shifts, his eyes fluttering and his hands moving to reach out. Soap shushes him, putting more cold water on his face and making Ghost moan.
“Joseph… Joes--”
Soap knits his brows as he looks at his partner’s confusion at the person’s name. Soap doesn’t know anyone named Joseph, and he’s not even sure what is going on.
Ghost had been acting weird since Callum came home. He would hide in the shadows, making sure that he was always in Callum’s room, and shied away from grabbing him at times.
They had been really busy, and Ghost hadn’t said anything about being sick, or feeling uncomfortable.
Maybe he didn’t want Callum?
Soap felt his heart ache at thinking that his best friend, his lover, wouldn’t want their child. His hormones started acting up and he sniffled softly, taking Ghost’s hand and gently kissing it.
Ghost’s pretty brown eyes fluttered open, and Ghost smiled softly at Soap.
“You have time… to spend with me, Soap?”
He whispered, and coughed gently. Rudy raised his eyebrows, turning to Alejandro, who blinked. There was an understanding in his face, and he let out expletives.
“We haven’t been spending time with Ghost since we came home with Callum,”
Soap and Rudy cuss as well.
They had some work to do.
Ghost is shaking quietly in the room, groaning softly as Callum coos and kicks his little legs. Ghost doesn’t want to be too close to the baby, as he’s still sick, but he also does not want to not be in the room.
Callum coos louder as Soap slides into the bed, as Callum recognizes it is time to eat. Considering he’s so new to the world, and a fucking baby, Callum is pretty easy. The only time he’s ever cried really hard was when Soap had accidentally forgot the extra breast milk on the way to a meeting.
Price had huffed at Soap, who was trying not to burst into tears, embarrassed about pulling out his chest, when Laswell grabbed the baby and urged him to feed the child.
Ghost smiles softly at the memory, cuddling up to Soap, who is humming softly. He runs his fingers over Ghost’s hair, and tucks Callum close to him as he feeds him.
“Too close… Baby will get sick again,”
Soap shushes him softly, only growing closer to Ghost, and cuddling up to him. Callum is balanced on his chest, suckling and noisily eating.
“I miss you. I want to be near you. You’re a downright pain in our ass, not telling us ya were sick, Si--”
Ghost groaned softly as Soap softly sang to him. He started falling asleep in Soap’s arms, and hearing Callum burp, then softly snore made him feel sleepy again.
“I missed you too, love. Busy,”
“I’m sorry I haven’t paid attention to you, Simon. Can you forgive me?”
Ghost’s eyes fluttered and stared at Soap, who looked like he wanted to cry. Ghost hums softly, and presses against Soap’s shoulder.
Soap could do whatever he wanted to Ghost. Anything, and everything, and Ghost would crawl right back home to him. Curled up at his door, his heart in his hands and wanting more pain.
Soap was everything to him.
“There’s nothing to forgive, love,” He whispers, and falls asleep before he can hear Soap quietly cry.
Ghost feels better after three days of laying there like a rock. He mumbles awkwardly that they should’ve forced him out of bed, but a stern look from Rudy that told him if he even uttered one more word he wouldn't cook for him in a week made Ghost shut up.
Alejandro takes him out on a date on day 5.
He’s sitting at the nice bar and grill, blushing red as Alejandro winks at him from across the table.
Alejandro looks absolutely beautiful, his hair a little longer than regulations. The curls that bounce as he talks to the waitress makes Ghost’s chest ache, and the way his brown eyes twinkle when sees Ghost eye the swooping button up.
Ghost looks away, putting his face into his hand and smiling when Alejandro’s leg presses against his thigh.
“ Quierido , you know that we love you, right?”
Ghost looks up at Alejandro, meeting pretty brown eyes. Eyes that love him, that stared at the worst part of his soul and decided to love him as much as someone could.
Alejandro gave him Rudy, and loves him too.
Ghost blushes looking away and drinking his wine. Alejandro hums, taking his hand and kissing his knuckles, making Ghost squirm in his seat.
Love glows in Alejandro’s eyes, and Ghost feels a lot better about being left behind while they took care of Callum. Ghost knows that they were doing it on purpose, Ghost knows how much they’ve been bouncing their lives around the new addition to their pack.
He sees Rudy’s tired eyes as Soap struggles with pains and dysphoria. He sees how Rudy needs his inhaler a little more often because of the issues that he still has on his lungs. The way Alejandro gently lifts Soap when he limps from some slight complications from Callum.
Ghost is okay being in the background. To see them happy. To see them safe.
“Yes I know. Callum is just very small,”
“Yeah, we know. But you are also our family, Ghost,”
Ghost feels his heart pound, and he swallows loudly. Alejandro scoots closer to him, and presses a kiss on his temple. Ghost sighs gently.
“Rudy has a surprise for you when we get home. I think you’ll love it,” Alejandro says, putting Ghost’s head on his shoulder and smiling as Ghost sips on his drink. He can feel the alcohol in his system starting to make him a little more loose limbed, but not enough to be stupid.
His cheeks are red, he knows it, because Alejandro’s soft hands are running over his cheeks, tracing the freckles, the scares on his cheeks.
“Mm. He has your son right now, right? Soap is doing paperwork?”
Ghost realizes his mistake when Alejandro stiffens.
Fuck.
Alejandro pulls away from Ghost, his eyebrows knitting as he traces his pretty brown eyes over Ghost’s face. Alejandro opens his mouth to speak, then closes it.
“You… Simon--”
Ghost looks down at his plate, his cheeks blushing red in embarrassment. Ghost knows that Alejandro will understand that it isn’t that Ghost doesn’t care about Callum, it’s just that Ghost doesn’t see himself as part of the family.
“Simon--”
“--Alejandro it’s not what you think--”
“Yes it is exactly what I think, isn’t it?”
Alejandro puts down his fork and groans softly, putting his hand against his head. He rubs gently against his temples, sighing heavily. Ghost, at that moment, feels like his entire life is being pulled out of his feet.
“Simon, Simon, querido , you are a part of the family. Callum is also your son--” Alejandro looks away, knitting his eyebrows and Ghost swallows down the urge to cry when he sees Alejandro’s pretty eyes fill with tears.
“Unless… you didn’t want us to have Callu--”
“No. Never.” Ghost nips that right in the bud, putting his hand over Alejandro’s and squeezing. Ghost feels his entire body grow warm as he looks away, knowing that he’s going to have to explain why…
“... I… I am scared to…” Ghost feels his eyes fill with tears, thinking of tiny little Joseph in his arms, and his dead eyes looking at him.
“I’m scared to get close. I’m scared, because last time… Last time there was a child in my life he died,”
“Is this about… Joseph?”
Ghost’s body turns into ice, and his eyes widen at Alejandro. Before he can jump to conclusions, Alejandro shushes him.
“No, no. We didn’t look through your paperwork. We would never,”
Ghost sighs in relief, and Alejandro wraps his large hands over his cheeks. Ghost hums into Alejandro’s hand, letting the tears he was fighting back drip down his cheeks, going over the deep scars at the corners of his lips.
“You kept saying his name in your sleep. Everytime Callum would cry, you’d reach over and ask for Tommy and Joseph--”
Ghost’s heart breaks, and he whimpers.
Fuck, of course. Of course he’d betray his own issues to his partners.
“Tommy… Was my brother. He had a tiny little boy named Joseph--”
He whispers, opening his eyes to meet Alejandro’s. The man stares deep into Ghost’s, running his thumbs over the pink scars on his freckled skin.
“They killed them. All of them,”
He whispered softly, and Alejandro wrapped his arms around Ghost, tightly holding him as he cried.
On the way home, Alejandro parks the car, but before they can leave he puts his hand on Ghost’s leg.
The man stares at his steering wheel, then squeezes Ghost’s leg.
“... She…. Told me to stop talking to Rudy. We were going to get married.”
He whispered gently, and Ghost knew that he was talking about that woman. The woman that made Alejandro yearn for a family so bad. He didn’t know the details too much about what happened, and it’s not his business to ask, but he always wondered why Alejandro had been so fussy over Soap when he was pregnant.
Or why he basically kissed the places Soap stood for a solid week when he said that he wanted a child with him.
“It took her seven months for her to tell me it wasn’t mine. That she had been sleeping with someone else, that she only wanted me because I had money, and power.
“Took the name I wanted for a little girl. Tried to get me away from Rudy,”
Alejandro says, and Ghost takes his hand, and squeezes it back.
“I can’t… promise it’ll be easier. But I can promise to be there more often. I’m sorry we haven’t been spending time with you. We’ll do better,”
Ghost leans against Alejandro’s shoulder, and closes his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he smiles.
It’s a couple of weeks later, and Rudy is woken up by a gurgle from their son.
Soap is cuddled close to him, and he pulls away from the sleepy man, who grunts angrily, and rolls over to cuddle close to Alejandro.
Rudy looks over to the corner of the room, seeing Ghost hold Callum to his chest, his chest naked and doing skin to skin contact with the tiny baby. Callum is gurgling softly as Ghost hums a soft, melancholy song.
His large fingers are running over the tiny baby’s eyebrows, over and over again, making the baby’s eyes flutter and close. It seems that Callum is really enjoying the attention from his parent.
“Simon?”
Rudy whispers softly, and Ghost looks up at the man. He smiles softly, and pats the seat next to him, urging Rudy to sit beside him.
The man does, cuddling up to the taller man, and closing his eyes gently. Ghost’s humming is deep, and melancholy. Sad in a way that Rudy doesn’t understand.
“What are you singing?”
“... Something my brother Tommy used to sing to Joseph when he was fussy,” Ghost whispers softly, and Rudy feels his heart throb as he realizes that Ghost is trying to tell him about his family.
There’s a silence in the room that’s only interrupted by Callum quietly cooing in his sleep, and Alejandro snoring softly. Rudy starts to fall asleep on Ghost’s shoulder, the room warm, and his heart happy and full.
“Would… you like to know about him?”
There’s another silence. This time a little more strained, as if Ghost is scared that Rudy will say no. But Rudy would never say no. Rudy knows how much the hurt lies beneath those words of hesitance, beneath him spreading open his ribs for Rudy.
“Tell me about Joseph, Simon,”
And he does.