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Bellatrix takes a deep breath.
She knows that she’s going to die now, but she can’t feel anything. She can’t feel anything at all - not fear, anger, nor love - nothing. She hasn’t felt anything in so very long and she thinks that maybe it’s for the best.
The end of the world is here, she thinks. The end of the world is here again, but her world has already ended so many times that she lost count long ago. This is it, though. She knows it is.
She takes a deep breath, and then she never breathes again.
“How can you choose him over your own family?” Bellatrix hisses at her sister.
Andromeda looks at her from across the room, eyes pleading, but Bellatrix doesn’t feel sorry for her. Narcissa has been quiet the entire time and she just watches them. Bellatrix wants to know what she’s thinking. It’s late, and it’s raining and if Bellatrix didn’t know any better she would think that they’re the ones causing the storm outside.
“Trix,”
“Don’t fucking call me that.” Bellatrix snaps.
Andromeda hesitates before taking a step closer. “I love him.” she says, but she won’t look at her.
“We love you!” Bellatrix screams and hates herself for sounding so bloody pathetic. She hates being vulnerable, but Andromeda has packed her bags and she’s telling them that she’s leaving. She’s telling them that she can’t stay, that it’s killing her and that she’s leaving.
Andromeda looks at Narcissa. “Cissy, please.” she pleads but Narcissa won’t look at her. She won’t look at either of them - as if she’s too scared to pick a side.
“He’s no one.” Bellatrix spits out and she can feel her eyes starting to burn, “He’s no one and we’re your sisters.”
“I know.” Andromeda says, but the rain is tapping so violently against the windows that it almost drowns her out.
“You’ll never see us again.”
“I know.”
“You’ll be burned off the family tree.”
Andromeda scoffs but it’s not mocking. It’s wet, and half a sob. “I know.”
“And you’re still choosing him?”
Andromeda does look at her then and Bellatrix doesn’t want her to. She doesn’t want to look into the eyes of someone who doesn’t love her enough to stay.
“It’s not just him.” Andromeda admits, quietly. “I’m dying here, actually dying - I can feel myself becoming more and more numb every single day and one day I’m going to lose myself completely. I just–, I can’t spend even five more minutes in this house.”
Bellatrix tries to understand, she really does, but she can’t. Bellatrix has never been allowed to choose anything for herself her entire life. She’s an eldest daughter, an eldest sister and free will is really just an abstract concept to her that belongs to someone else. To someone like Andromeda, it seems.
It feels like a betrayal, the fact that Andromeda can just decide to choose for herself rather than sit back in quiet obedience with Bellatrix. It feels like a betrayal after all the years Bellatrix has spent protecting her and Narcissa. She feels it like a knife twisting in her chest.
“Come with me.” Andromeda says but Bellatrix won’t. She wouldn’t even if she wanted to because that’s not what she’s supposed to do. “Cissy,” Andromeda says and kneels in front of her chair.
Bellatrix panics and she wants to force Narcissa to stay with her.
Andromeda’s eyes are on Narcissa, but Narcissa’s eyes are on Bellatrix. On Bellatrix whose eyes are on Andromeda; whose eyes are on Narcissa. It’s like a circle that doesn’t end, but when Andromeda leaves the circle will break and what once was whole and solid will never be that way ever again.
It’s the end of the world, Bellatrix thinks.
This is it, it must be.
The storm settles above them and Bellatrix wouldn’t be surprised if their house is the only one that can feel it.
Rita is looking at her as if she doesn’t recognize her anymore and Bellatrix can’t blame her. She doesn’t recognize herself either most of the time. Sometimes she stands in front of the mirror for what feels like hours, trying to find something - anything - about herself that she recognizes but she comes up empty every single time.
“Why’d you do it?” Rita asks her and Bellatrix still thinks that she’s wonderful. Even now, when she’s angry and disappointed.
“You know why.” Bellatrix says and the mark on her arm feels heavy at this moment. It doesn’t feel like a badge of pride like it had when it had been offered to her. She had taken it willingly and she doesn’t regret it, even if she does feel the hints of shame from the way Rita is looking at her.
“I didn’t think I’d be surprised.” Rita says and takes a step closer to Bellatrix until their faces are only inches apart. “I always knew you would, but I’m still surprised.” she says.
Bellatrix has always known that she can’t have this. That it won’t last forever, but she had been greedy and wanting and so she had allowed herself this. She had allowed herself this one thing for herself and she would cling to it for as long as she possibly could. Rita was the closest she’d ever get to heaven.
“Do you still love me?” Bellatrix asks because there aren’t a lot of people that do these days, and she doesn’t think she’d be able to stand it if Rita stopped. Even if she isn’t the same anymore. Even if Rita can tell that she isn’t the same woman she fell in love with all those years ago.
It’s the moment of truth between them and Bellatrix doesn’t care about anything else. This moment of truth is the only thing that exists as far as she is concerned.
Rita moves a string of hair from Bellatrix’s face and then she puts her hand on Bellatrix’s neck. “I’ll never stop.” she says and the words feel feel heavy.
Bellatrix kisses her.
They kiss for a long time and it’s slow and wet and messy. Bellatrix pulls Rita as close to her as she possibly can, desperate to not let her slip away. Rita lets her and seems to be equally desperate to keep Bellatrix right where she is.
“So that’s where you’ll be–” Rita says between lips meeting, “when the world ends?” she says and slides her hand up Bellatrix’s thigh.
Bellatrix gasps. “Yeah.”
Rita takes her to bed.
Bellatrix wakes up alone the next morning and there’s a note on the side of the bed where Rita should be. Bellatrix feels the lump forming in her throat and swallows it down.
If the end of the world was near, darling, I’d choose to be with you.
In every lifetime.
Yours forever,
R.S.
The world crumbles again and Bellatrix prays for five more minutes before it does. Just five more with Rita.
This has to be it, Bellatrix thinks.
Please, let this be it.
A few days later there’s an article in The Daily Prophet written by Rita Skeeter. It says that Bellatrix has taken the dark mark.
Narcissa visits her in Azkaban only once and Bellatrix can't stand to look at her.
“How could you?” Narcissa asks quietly.
Bellatrix laughs even though it’s not funny. “Don’t tell me you still care for her?” she asks.
It’s quiet for a long time and Bellatrix still won’t look at Narcissa. She doesn’t want to look her in the eye. She knows what she’ll see if she does.
“How could you?” Narcissa repeats and it echoes through the cell where she’s being held. “I defended you. I stayed with you.”
Bellatrix doesn’t say anything.
“I trusted you!”
Bellatrix doesn’t think she has ever heard Narcissa like this. Narcissa has always been the quiet one out of the three of them - the one who stands on the sidelines and avoids conflict.
“Do you even care?” Narcissa asks and she’s crying now.
Bellatrix knows that she used to, once. She used to care about her sisters and she would’ve done anything to protect them once. She can’t pinpoint exactly when that had changed, but she knows that it has. She wants to tell Narcissa that she does care, but she knows that she doesn’t. She hasn’t cared about anything for a long time. She doesn’t know how to anymore.
“Say something!” Narcissa demands.
Bellatrix doesn’t.
Bellatrix hears a thump and realises that Narcissa has fallen down on her knees. She’s kneeling in front of Bellatrix’s cell, begging her to say something - anything at all - but Bellatrix can’t. There isn’t anything to say anymore.
Bellatrix laughs again and Narcissa screams.
“I chose– I,” Narcissa stammers, “I chose you– I chose to stand with you-” but she can’t finish the sentence.
“I chose to stand with you until the end of the world.” Narcissa says and it’s so quiet that Bellatrix almost thinks it’s another hallucination. A part of her hopes that it is. That Narcissa isn’t here at all.
“I will never trust you again.” she says.
“I wish it was you.” she sobs, “I’d sacrifice you a thousand times for just five more minutes with her.”
Bellatrix does look at her then, but Narcissa won’t meet her gaze. She knows that Narcissa won’t ever look at her the same and that she has ruined the last person who had enough energy to care for her. There’s no one left now. She feels the knife in her chest as it twists and realises that it’s been there ever since Andromeda left.
Bellatrix laughs because there isn’t anything else she can do.
The world ends.
Hasn’t it ended enough times?
Is this it? Bellatrix hopes that it is.
Bellatrix takes a deep breath and she knows that she’s going to die. This is it.
Maybe this isn’t the end of the world, she thinks, maybe this is freedom.
And if she had five more minutes, well, she wouldn’t want them.
She takes a deep breath, her last one, and then she never breathes again.