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Alex trailed behind his friends, more melancholy than he’d been in a while. He knew that he wasn’t really anyone’s favorite, hadn’t been for years. But seeing his friends leave, seeing them so happy to go… It stung like a wasp.
Nick and Jess were leading the charge, hand in hand as the group explored Austin. Alex, Becca, and Logan came down with them to give them a proper send off and help them put together their new home. Jess was offered a great job here in Texas, and Nick was happy to support his fiancee in furthering her career. Alex was happy for them, really, but he was mostly just sad for himself. He’d miss them.
The group made their way through a park, looking around Austin, Texas, learning what was available to the couple. There were groups of people running around, kids playing without parents in sight, what looked like a large picnic closer to the center of the park, near the playground, under the shade of a cluster of trees. It looked like a place that would be good for Nick and Jess as they got married and began a family.
Alex was not bitter, he was not. So, his life went a bit downhill. After his boyfriend walked out on him, after the truth came out to their friends, after TK disappeared off the face of the earth, Alex felt like he was hanging on by a thread. It was almost five years ago, and Alex still felt like he was reaping the consequences of his failed relationship.
If he was being totally honest, he missed TK. He missed how easy it was with him, how happy he was, how TK looked at him like he hung the moon, how he attributed so much of his success to Alex. He missed having someone who loved him. TK loved him. He thought Mitchell loved him, too, but he left Alex the moment he learned about the truth of the nature of their relationship. Alex didn’t blame him, not really. He’d just thought their love was stronger than that.
Since then, he’d had a series of failed relationships, and he’d barely managed to hang onto his friends. They all clearly hated him for a long time, and just barely tolerated him now. He could tell that they’d stuck around him for TK’s sake, and after he left (and after they found out it was Alex’s fault), Alex fought to keep something with them. Even if they hated him. He just needed them to stay. Maybe he just needed them to help him justify what he’d done.
And now, Nick and Jess were leaving, and they were accidentally taking Cole with them, though he wasn’t able to come right away. Becca and Logan had talked about moving away, getting out of the city, and after the engaged couple had announced their move, the others had begun entertaining the idea of moving out here as well. Real estate was cheaper, weather was better, their friends were here. Becca’s parents were in California, and Logan’s brother was in Nevada, so they’d be closer to more relatives. Alex had no way to follow them here. He didn’t think they’d appreciate it if he did, anyway.
“This place is beautiful,” Nick said excitedly. Jess gave him a wide smile, and they shared a kiss. It just made Alex a bit more miserable. He missed having someone who was so excited to have him. He thought back to Mitchell and TK, the last people who’d looked at him the way Nick and Jess looked at each other, the way Becca and Logan looked at each other.
Jess squealed with excitement, and Nick squeezed her tight. They were all laughing, but Alex couldn’t muster it. He was watching the last of his life fall through the cracks between his fingers.
They were walking along the paved path of the park, passing the picnic that Alex noticed earlier, when Jess stopped in her tracks with a gasp. She was looking at the rather large party, and Alex thought he saw tears in her eyes.
“TK Strand?” She called out.
Alex felt like his heart stopped in his chest for a moment as he spotted him. TK Strand, in the flesh. He was in front of the buffet of food set out across the picnic tables, a paper plate in hand. He looked up, shocked, then a wide smile split his face. He set down his plate and bounded over to them, sweeping Nick and Jess into a hug. Logan and Becca stepped up next and he embraced them as well. Alex hung back, trying his best not to be seen.
“Oh my God, TK,” Becca said into his shoulder as she squeezed him. “I can’t believe it’s you, we’ve missed you so much!”
TK laughed brightly. It sounded so familiar, but so different at the same time. Alex thought of the way he’d always made TK laugh, the way it sounded so musical, so beautiful, the way it made Alex feel like he could do anything. But it never once sounded quite like this. He couldn’t name it, couldn’t figure out the difference.
TK let go of Becca, then turned over his shoulder. “Carlos!” He called out. A man looked over, and TK waved him over. The man, Carlos, probably, nodded to TK, said something to the person with whom he was in conversation, then made his way over to them. They reached for each other once they were within arm’s distance, wrapping an arm around each other’s waist. TK looked at Carlos like he hung the moon and all the stars, like he made the whole Milky Way Galaxy. And Carlos looked back at him like he’d do it all again the second TK said ‘please.’
“Carlos, these are my old friends from New York,” TK said with almost tangible excitement. “That’s Nick and Jessie, and that’s Becca and Logan. Guys,” he addressed them all, his smile growing, “this is my husband, Carlos.”
Shock came over Alex like a bucket of ice water. TK was married? To this gorgeous man?
The four of them congratulated the married couple, but Alex just stood there, numb. He could’ve had that. He could’ve been TK’s everything. He could’ve been his future.
“Tell us everything!” Becca said, and the four of them flanked TK and his husband. Alex trailed behind as the six of them found a spot under a shady tree, and he sat in a spot where TK wouldn’t really notice him there. He hadn’t even noticed him at all.
“We met a few months after I moved here,” TK started with a smile. He looked good, smitten, as he explained how they met and fell in love, and Carlos was staring at TK like he was his whole world.
Alex was shocked, though. The way TK said it, they’d gotten together not four months after he and TK ended things. TK had proposed to him, and four months later, he’d already moved on? Was he really that forgettable?
“We had a rough start,” TK said. “But Carlos… he saved me.”
“You saved yourself,” Carlos said fondly. TK tilted his face up and Carlos placed a chaste kiss on his lips. Alex didn’t understand why he said it, though. He himself had always liked when TK said something like that. It made him feel so powerful and strong.
“So, when was the wedding?” Jess asked.
TK and Carlos wore matching bashful smiles as they glanced at each other. “Actually, it was about three weeks ago,” Carlos said. “We just got back from our honeymoon two days ago.”
The girls fawned over the newlyweds for a moment. “That’s a long honeymoon,” Jess commented with a sly look at Nick.
“Like I said, we had a rough start.” TK shrugged and both of their faces grew a little somber. “We had a hard year, too. And we both had an extended leave, so everyone helped pool together some more money so we could stay another week.”
“Is everything okay?” Jess asked, concerned. She’d always had a soft spot for TK. Alex supposed that wasn’t something she’d grown out of in the time since he’d left.
TK glanced at Carlos, his eyes sad as Carlos bit his lip and shook his head minutely.
“It’s getting better,” TK said cryptically. Alex wished to ask for more details, out of curiosity if nothing else, when TK shook himself and brightened up a bit. “But, enough about me. What are you guys doing here?”
The assembled group glanced at each other like they wanted to ask more, but stopped themselves. Alex wished they would, because he’d always been interested in anything that put a look like that one someone’s face, but the rest of them let the topic drop. Jess and Nick gave each other nervous smiles and said, “Actually, we’re moving to Austin.”
TK lit up and surged forward to gather them into another hug. As the three gushed together, Alex took a moment to observe TK’s husband. He seemed… Alex wasn’t sure. He looked at TK the way TK used to look at Alex, the way TK looked at Carlos now. His expression was soft, fond, as he observed his husband, but there was something stressed around his eyes, like he was tired. Alex wondered if they were still wearing each other out every night. If TK was anything like he used to be, he was great in bed, but never had much of a sex drive. This man, though, who was built like Adonis and had curls and a jawline so sharp it could cut meat, he was enough to make anyone horny. Maybe that was why the man looked tired.
Before Alex could ponder it further, Carlos turned to look at him, his brow furrowing in confusion. “I’m sorry,” he said, catching everyone’s attention, “I don’t think I got your name?”
TK stared at Alex for a moment, and all four of their friends winced. “I, uh… I’m sorry, TK, I got so distracted,” Jess tried, but TK waved her off.
“Alex,” TK greeted in a monotone voice. Carlos’ face hardened, but he said nothing. “I didn’t see you there.”
Alex shrugged, trying to play it cool. TK used to look intrigued when Alex smirked like he did now; he just looked upset, instead. “I was just helping Jess and Nick move in.”
TK nodded once. “How are you doing?”
Alex bit his lip and considered everything. He considered how he could pinpoint the moment his life went downhill, and it was the second when he saw TK get to one knee in that restaurant. He thought of how he had nothing, no one, not really. He thought of how TK looked settled, had a husband. He thought of how different he seemed, even thought it was all so similar. He thought of his laugh, the one that had sounded the same but different. His laughter was free, he realized. There was nothing holding him back anymore, not like there was in New York. Something Alex never even realized. TK hadn’t loved him, either.
“I’m okay,” he said, though he thought TK could tell it was a lie.
Suddenly, it was too much. He made some excuse about letting them catch up and he walked off to the pathway leading through the park. He meandered around, reflecting, until he came to a little pond. There were children running around, a mother sitting on a picnic blanket with her daughter, a couple on a bench nearby, an old woman feeding the ducks. There was a community here that Alex never realized he was missing. There was a life here that he never knew he could have.
Something told him that he still couldn’t. He’d put himself first for far too long. And now… Now, he had nothing left.