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They'd had to pack light for the road trip, since they'd be returning with more mutants, hopefully. Just the basics: clothes, toiletries, maps, and not much else.
There was only room for one book in his bag, but this didn't really bother Charles. He had brought along The Fellowship of the Ring, which usually kept him entranced despite the number of times he'd read it. Tonight, though, he wasn't feeling it. Perhaps it was the nine-hour long drive that he'd completed that day, or perhaps the greasy burger he'd eaten for dinner, or perhaps it was because every time his mind slipped and he got a glimpse of Erik's thoughts they were far too distracting to ignore.
Eventually Charles gave up on taking in any of the text, and simply kept his eyes on the page while following Erik's imaginings. His thoughts skipped around, as people's tended to, but the main scenario he was playing out - interrupted by can't believe the price of this place and why the hell does that car smell like mustard and other random accounts of the day - depicted a reasonably graphic scene involving himself and Charles. Such thoughts had crossed Charles's mind from time to time fleetingly, as they tended to with many people, but he'd never really considered them seriously.
It didn't bother Charles. A lot of people thought about sex an awful lot, and most of it was impulsive and hard to control. Human nature, at the end of the day, and not something he should ever judge anyone over. After all, how many people had he briefly imagined naked?
As it turned out, the scene was captivating to watch (and interrupted every now and then by images of the two of them doing things like simply holding hands), and finally Charles was forced to shake himself out of Erik's mind, because he was enjoying watching it much more than he would have liked to admit. He wasn't gay, though. He just hadn't found any really interesting girls yet to date properly, or marry. And Erik's thoughts were new and confusing, so he'd become enraptured watching them. He had no desire to actually follow through with those ideas.
Except, as he tried to continue reading his book Charles found himself wandering back into Erik's mind and paying close attention to the images and sensations. He cursed himself for being so invested in something so ridiculous, and actually let out a huff of frustration when he realized that there actually was a desire to experience it himself. Erik looked up from the newspaper he'd been pretending to read and Charles didn't have time to mask his humiliation at being caught before their eyes met.
Erik's thoughts ground to a halt as he realized that Charles had been watching his fantasies, and they were replaced by a vivid, lashing sensation of panic and a fear of rejection. He tried to raise his eyebrows disapprovingly, but just ended up looking a little scared. Charles opened his mouth to apologize, but couldn't bring himself to, and instead cleared his throat, shifted away from Erik's direction, and tried to engage himself in The Fellowship of the Ring once again.
Both went to sleep that night without another word to each other. The morning was as awkward as that after a one night stand (Charles had had far too many of those), despite the fact that they hadn't done anything except invade each other's privacy.
Erik was brushing his teeth by the time Charles woke up and had almost finished packing his bags. Charles decided to get dressed in the bathroom rather than in the same room as Erik. He debated whether or not this made him homophobic.
"So," Charles said, once they had run out of morning activities. "Breakfast?"
God, this was turning into an awkward morning after.
There was another six hour drive to be done, during which Charles made a point of staying out of Erik's head, but he couldn't find the confidence to announce it. Instead he (not without regret) let Erik suffer the fear that Charles was still listening to and watching his every though.
Charles didn't even try to focus on his book, or make conversation. He just turned the radio on loudly and bore the static as they transferred from one town's channels to the next.
Once they'd settled in the next hotel room Charles picked up the brochure beside the phone book to look at restaurants in the area. Erik cleared his throat from behind him, and Charles turned in his chair to look at the other man.
"Look," Erik said. His hands were shoved into his pockets awkwardly. "I'm very sorry if I made you uncomfortable last night. I didn't mean for you to see that, and I really don't want the rest of our trip to be made in silence. I suggest we both forget about it."
Charles's throat constricted, but he forced himself against all his instincts of avoiding discomfort, and responded.
"Right," he said. "Although, I generally believe in learning from the past rather than ignoring it, so I propose that we accept that it happened and move on."
Erik looked at him doubtfully.
"If that's what you prefer. What's dinner looking like?"
A date, Charles thought, but he forced the thought out of his mind and was glad it was he, and not Erik, with the telepathic abilities.
Unsatisfied with the previous night's burger and fries, Charles decided on a nice looking restaurant that served seafood and that the hotel staff had recommended enthusiastically. The meal was delicious, and conversation had thankfully returned to normal. Erik actually laughed a few times (genuinely, not sarcastically), which was unusual even if he hadn't been caught imagining a borderline porno featuring his current roommate.
Things went downhill quickly when the bill arrived. Erik's eyes widened a bit when he saw the total and Charles caught a flash of can't afford to eat like this running through his mind. When the server returned Erik was still searching through his wallet, so Charles raised his hand without thinking and said, "I've got the bill for both of us."
Erik's hands froze and he slowly looked up at Charles with raised eyebrows. Charles realized that this was probably not the most heterosexual meal he'd ever had. The server didn't notice anything and handed Charles his change before briskly walking away.
"I've got... enough... money..." Charles trailed off and found himself and Erik locked in a silent moment of intimate, intense, and painful eye contact that lasted far too long. This was becoming more like a date by the second, and Charles couldn't stop himself from hearing Erik think the same thing. His stomach flipped. He decided that this was because of the uncomfortable situation and not the fact that he was on a date with Erik.
Apparently the event had pushed Erik well beyond the limits of his ability to ignore awkwardness, because they walked back to the hotel in dead silence without even looking at each other.
Once back in the room Erik chose to have a shower, and Charles decided to check up on Raven. He dialled the number that they were using at the CIA research centre and waited for her to pick up.
"Hey," he said. "It's me."
"Hey! God, I'm so glad you called, it is so boring here right now. Where are you?"
"South Carolina. Tomorrow we get to Miami. Isn't Hank around?"
"Yeah, but he's also got work to do." Charles could picture her disgusted expression. "I need to get some friends who aren't scientists, don't I?"
"That might help you if you aren't so keen on discussing cellular reproduction and genetic mutations. Is there really nothing else to do there?"
"Nothing. I thought the CIA would be really cool. Secret services and all. Turns out it's just a bunch of stuck up guys in suits."
"Sounds like Oxford," Charles laughed.
"Yeah, except everyone here is like, thirty years older and there's no bars or old buildings. Never thought I'd be missing that stupid school, but this place is so grey. I'm not even allowed to see anything interesting. What's South Carolina like? Better than here?"
"Yes," Charles admitted. "It's quite warm."
"Wow. Jealous."
"Good seafood, too. Erik and I had a lovely dinner tonight."
"Well, aren't you just living the life."
"There's no need to be sarcastic! I'm suffering! I just drove fifteen hours in the last two days. I had the greasiest burger of my life yesterday."
"Sorry, just let me dry all the tears I'm not crying for you. At least you get to do things. Please bring back someone interesting."
"Sick of Hank and Moira already?"
"Moira, a little, because she only wants to talk about the Russians, and Shaw, and literally nothing else. Hank, no, but I will be soon if I don't get someone else to talk to. And I really don't want to get sick of Hank, so please find someone good."
"Yes, that will be my first question when we find a mutant: do you think you could be friends with my sister?"
"It'd better be."
"I'm sure there've got to be some decent radio stations out there. Maybe you could find one that plays old episodes of the Captain America Adventure Hour," Charles teased.
"Hey! Don't pretend you weren't just as into that as I was."
"Maybe a little."
"Maybe a lot. Maybe more than I was."
"Well, I never wanted to marry Captain America."
"No, you just wanted to be Captain America."
"It's a perfectly reasonable dream to have when you're twelve!"
"Then so is marrying Captain America. He'd totally marry me. He'd love me. Do you think I'm his type?"
"I think you're everyone's type."
"Yeah? Then where's the line of men waiting to marry me?"
"Well, one of them is in a plane crash in the arctic."
"Thanks."
"They'll show up eventually. We'll just have to keep looking."
"So I'm everyone's type if I try hard enough, you mean."
"Better than I'll ever do."
"Damn right. Do you want to murder Erik yet?"
"Not quite. Although I think he's going to kill me if I crack my knuckles one more time."
"Strike first. Take him out. He's creepy."
"He's not creepy, Raven. He's been through a lot."
"Fine. He's scary. Better?"
"Oh.. maybe a little bit. He's not going to replace you, if that's what you're worried about. I'm sure he'll develop some annoying habit before we're done searching for mutants." Like picturing me naked, Charles thought.
"Good. Then I can go back to being your only friend. I should probably go. Hank wanted to show me something."
"If you're my only friend then I'm your only friend," Charles said. "No Hank allowed. But you probably should go find him."
"Right. You'll call again in a few days?"
"Next time I've got a minute and a phone. Probably after we find the girl in Miami."
"Good. Talk to you then."
"Bye."
Charles hung up and stared at the wall for a few minutes, lost in thought, before Erik came out of the bathroom.
"Who were you talking to?" Erik asked. He was wearing the same clothes as before and was drying off his hair with one of the hotel's very white towels. Charles unlaced his shoes and sat on the edge of his bed.
"Raven. She's going out of her mind with boredom back at the research facility."
"Doesn't she have Hank to... entertain herself?"
"Yes, but she's using him sparingly so as not to wear out the novelty."
"Ah. Of course."
Erik tossed his towel over the top of the bathroom door and took a seat on his own bed directly across from Charles. Without the careful combing, his hair looked fluffier and curlier than the way he usually styled it.
"Apparently the only criteria we should be thinking about when it comes to finding mutants is if they're willing to be her friend or not," Charles said.
"Then let's be sure to make that our primary concern," Erik said dryly.
"I'll try to take her feelings into consideration."
Charles and Erik both had their legs in the small space between the beds. Erik's eyes flickered around Charles's face and Charles knew exactly what he was thinking about, but for some reason - curiosity, he judged, and a fascination with the unknown - he made no effort to move away. When Erik made his decision it was an impulse, not a plan, as most of Erik's actions seemed to be.
He leaned forward and kissed Charles.
Charles recoiled a bit out of shock, but Erik had his hands leaning on the bed on either side of Charles, and Charles found himself kissing Erik back. It was a little odd, because Erik didn't smell of strong perfume and his face was much rougher than Charles was used to. But it was also exhilarating, although Charles figured that was just because he'd never kissed a man before and it was probably illegal here.
After a few seconds he was still surprised, but not as frozen, and figured he should do something with his hands. He placed one around Erik's neck and the other on one of Erik's wrists. Erik's free hand moved to his waist.
Charles was balancing on the edge of his bed to reach Erik's face, until Erik shifted so that he was more on top of Charles and both on the same bed. Another thrill ran through Charles, and once again he put this down to the excitement of a new experience. Although, he did have to grudgingly admit that he liked the feeling of Erik's body pressed against his own.
Charles could have considered what exactly this not-unwelcome act implied about himself, but instead he decided to just go with it, and not worry too much. This meant continuing to kiss Erik for the time being and passively receive the flow of ideas and opinions that Charles usually blocked out.
Erik seemed more or less satisfied with the results of his improvised kiss. Only a small sense of danger lingered. Charles was not at all surprised that Erik wasn't thinking about the future consequences of these actions - he rarely seemed to think beyond the next ten minutes, unless considering a distant end result. But Charles wasn't too concerned either, and let himself become completely immersed in his current physical connection to Erik rather than the telepathic one.
Erik moved one hand from Charles's waist to his chest and began undoing the buttons on Charles's shirt, then pulling it down off his shoulders. It was when he began removing his own shirt that Charles finally realized what was about to happen, and turned his head away.
"Erik," he said.
"Yes?" Erik began kissing his neck, then became aware that Charles had stopped moving and looked down at him instead. Their faces were still close enough for Charles to feel Erik's breath.
"Can we - not?" Charles felt immensely uncomfortable stopping it like this, but he'd feel even more uncomfortable if they continued. Erik looked confused for a moment, and then sat up abruptly, his expression cooling into one of indifference. It didn't fool Charles though, who felt the disappointment and regret wash through his mind.
"If you don't want to," Erik said flatly. Charles propped himself up on his elbows. Erik was still sitting on top of his legs, his chest bare.
"I've just never done this before. With a man," Charles added quickly. "And I'd just rather... take it a bit slower. If you don't mind."
Erik nodded slowly, a fleeting grin crossing his face.
"So, not tonight, is what you're saying," he clarified. Charles shrugged and made a very non-committal noise.
"I suppose." He wanted to add that it was not a guarantee, but figured that the comment wouldn't make either of them happier. "Another time."
"All right." Erik moved back to his own bed. "Whatever you want."
"You can stay on my bed, if you like," Charles said, suddenly missing the accompaniment. He pulled his shirt back over his shoulders. Erik lay down on top of his own blankets with his hands behind his head.
"It's not a very big bed."
"We could fit."
"Another time," Erik said in that tone of his that might have been smug, or at least involved the same implication of superiority. Charles cursed quietly and Erik laughed. He briefly considered checking to see if there was a reason Erik would be opposed to sharing a small bed, but decided that it was none of his business. It could be anything from having been imprisoned with others in a small space, to that girl that meant a lot to Erik when he was eighteen (and still did), to simply preferring to be alone. And if he ever wanted to tell Charles, he could.
The next day they found the young woman in Miami. She worked at a strip club and had wings, and yes, would probably get along with Raven quite well. Despite Charles's initial mixed feelings, he and Erik did end up sleeping together sometime later. Charles decided against checking Erik's thoughts on the matter, but without using his powers he could still see how pleased Erik was with himself, even though he still wanted to sleep in a separate bed. Besides, it was more himself that Charles was worried about.
Charles had been making guesses about his own sexual orientation for a while now, and usually ended these internal debates by deciding that he was absolutely heterosexual, and he just hadn't found the right girl yet. His relationship with Erik seemed to be telling him differently though, and Charles found that over time he became more and more comfortable with the idea that maybe he was not straight. And he realized that he'd known this for a while - not a long time, but a few years maybe - and had simply been convincing himself otherwise. And he wondered, as he thought about his relationship with Erik and how little he spoke of it, if maybe even now he was trying to deny his feelings a bit.
He decided to try to end that.
"You know what?" Charles said casually. He flipped the page of the newspaper.
"What." Erik didn't take his eyes off the road.
"I think I might be gay."
"I should damn well hope so."