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“Shall we?” Kazuki gestured to the table, which was full of all of Rei’s favorite foods.
“Right.” Rei responded, still smiling. He sat down at the table and blew out the candles on his cake.
Though he was turning 26, it was only the third time in his life that he had done this. Kazuki always insisted on baking Rei a birthday cake, and the first year they lived together he explained that you were supposed to make a wish as you blew out the candles. Rei never bothered making a wish, never really saw the point, not until this year.
As his breath gently extinguished the tiny flames, he wished he could have a normal life. One where he didn’t have to kill to survive. One where he didn’t have to constantly be looking over his shoulder. One where he wasn’t the heir to a prominent branch of an international crime organization.
Even though there was a ton of other food on the table, once the candles were out Kazuki immediately started cutting the cake. “Miri and I ate dinner already, and she really wanted some cake. I’m assuming you’re okay with dessert first?”
“Yeah.” Rei had one hell of a sweet tooth, and the cake looked delicious. Miri stirred awake at the promise of dessert and stumbled over to the table.
“How was your day Papa Rei?” She asked as she rubbed the sleep out of one of her big brown eyes. Rei picked her up and hugged her tightly.
“It’s better now that I’m home.” He whispered into her hair. She let out a sleepy giggle.
“Papaaaaa! That tickles!” She protested. Thankfully, she was still too groggy to notice the cut on Rei’s arm.
“Sorry.” Reluctantly, he pulled back. Kazuki handed them each a plate with a small slice of the cake on it before cutting one for himself. It was a vanilla cake with sliced strawberries on top and in between layers. Rei kept Miri in his lap as they dug in.
“This is really good.” Rei said through a mouthful of strawberries and frosting.
“Papa Kazuki and I made it extra super duper special for your birthday!” Miri said, perking up a bit from the sugar.
“She means we made it from scratch.” Kazuki said with an amused chuckle. He couldn’t help himself and started bragging about his recipe. Rei, as usual, had absolutely no idea what he was talking about as he proudly rambled about his ingredient choices, but the familiarity of the conversation was strangely soothing. By the time he finished explaining, both Miri and Rei had finished their cake.
“So Papa Rei? Did you and grandpapa make up?” Miri asked, having no idea how loaded that seemingly innocent question actually was.
“I told her you and your dad’s relationship is a little…complicated.” Kazuki noticed the look on Rei’s face and jumped in. “And that he wasn’t very nice to you growing up.”
Rei was thankful that Kazuki was smart enough to not say any more than that. However, hearing Miri call the boss grandpapa made Rei’s chest ache. Rei didn’t want his father anywhere near Miri. He knew better than anyone just how cruel and manipulative the man could be.
“Uh no…we didn’t make up.” He was finally able to stammer out. Miri tilted her head, looking concerned.
“Is it because he’s…um…Dia-Dia?”
“Diabolical” Kazuki finished for her, overly enunciating the word.
“Di-a-bol-ic-al” Miri repeated slowly. “Papa Kazuki told me that dia-bolical means scary.” Rei thought for a moment.
“Kind of…yeah” The real problem with his father was complicated, but at the end of the day, it all was because Shigeki Suwa was an evil, diabolical man.
Miri gave a sympathetic hum and turned around to throw her arms around his neck. “I’m sorry Papa! It’s okay though. Papa Kazuki and I will protect you!”
Rei’s head was swimming with emotions and he didn’t know what to say, so he just closed his eyes and hugged her back tightly. It amazed him how someone so small, so naive, could be so full of unconditional love.
“Yeah, we got your back” He was so focused on her that he hadn’t even noticed Kazuki crossing over to their side of the table until he felt strong arms wrapping around both of them. Though he knew it was his job to protect them, Rei still felt an overwhelming sense of safety in the embrace.
After a moment, Miri yawned and began relaxing in Rei’s arms. It seemed that her momentary sugar rush was starting to wear off.
“Uh oh! I think it’s past someone’s bedtime.” Kazuki pulled back, looking at her with a lighthearted smile. Rei glanced in the clock, it was almost 11pm. WAY past her bedtime.
“Aww, but it’s Papa Rei’s birthday!” She pouted, already falling back asleep against Rei’s chest.
“He’ll still be here in the morning. You guys can cuddle and play games all day tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay…goodnight Papa Rei. Happy Birthday” Miri mumbled.
“Goodnight Miri.” He gave her one last little squeeze before gently transferring her into Kazuki’s arms. Her eyes fluttered back open for a moment and Rei gave her a smile. She giggled sleepily in response as she passed out on Kazuki’s shoulder. Kazuki chuckled, looking down at her affectionately.
“She worked really hard today. She really wanted to see you smile.” He said softly. Smiling still felt unnatural to Rei, but lately it was getting easier and easier to do without thinking so much about it. “I’ll be right back, help yourself to whatever. 3 minutes in the microwave should be good for all the stuff that’s supposed to be warm.”
“Okay” Rei watched him carry Miri to her bedroom, still smiling a bit. All Rei wanted to do was protect them, no matter what that would take.
When he turned back to the table, he was struck again by all the food. Not just the quantity of it, but also the fact that Kazuki and Miri knew what all of his favorite dishes were.
He loaded his plate up and put it in the microwave for 3 minutes like Kazuki told him. As his dinner heated up Rei began to package up the leftovers, partially as a way to keep his mind from wandering back to the earlier events of the day. He had gotten about halfway through everything when the microwave beeped. Normally he would finish the task before sitting down to eat, but now that he had eaten a little bit of food, he realized how hungry he actually was after not eating all day. Rei also started to feel the bruises that were forming on his back and arms, so he took his plate over to the couch to be more comfortable.
Kazuki rounded the corner a few minutes later, stopping when he saw some of the food already in Tupperware. “Dude, you didn’t have to start putting stuff away. It’s your birthday!” He laughed. Rei wasn’t sure why it being his birthday meant he wasn’t expected to help clean, but he didn’t question it and just shrugged while he continued eating.
Kazuki came over to sit next to Rei on the couch with one of the first aid kits and a bottle of wine. After Rei finished the food on his plate Kazuki set the first aid kit on the coffee table and opened it.
“Let me look at your arm.”
“It’s fine.” Rei leaned forward and poured himself a large glass of wine to wash down his dinner. He wasn’t a big drinker, but he needed something to take the edge off the day. “It doesn’t even need stitches.”
“Did you even clean it yet?” Rei shook his head as he chugged the wine, earning himself a dramatic sigh and eyeroll. “Just give me your arm.”
Rei knew Kazuki wouldn't back down, so once he downed the rest of the glass he relented and shrugged off his jacket. Kazuki turned so that he was facing him, grabbed his wrist, and gingerly rolled Rei’s dress shirt up to the elbow for him.
“So…tough job?” He asked as he guided Rei’s arm to rest in his lap.
“Yeah” Rei watched Kazuki wipe away the dried blood around the cut as images of the day flashed through his head. “I knew the target...”
“Oof. That sucks. The boss couldn’t get someone else to do it?”
“I think he wanted me to do it… to teach me a lesson.” Rei said slowly. It wouldn’t be the first time. He still had nightmares about when his father made him kill a guard dog he had grown fond of when he was a child.
“Man, that’s fucked up.” Kazuki shook his head as he began cleaning out the actual wound. It stung, but Rei was still so numb from his assignment that he barely noticed.
Rei took a deep breath. He knew he had to tell Kazuki sooner or later about the ultimatum, and the longer he waited the worse it would be.
“Boss… wants me to come back.” Kazuki’s eyes widened and he accidentally pressed a little too hard into the cut, which made Rei flinch involuntarily.
“Shit! Sorry! Rei I’m so sorry I-“
“It’s okay.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you!”
“I know.” Rei said firmly. If it was anyone else, his fight or flight instincts would have immediately kicked in, but he realized Kazuki was the one person who he knew would never intentionally do anything to hurt him. It was a strange feeling, having someone he could trust like that.
Kazuki gently stroked the palm of Rei’s hand with his thumb. While silence between them was usually comfortable, right now it hung like a heavy cloud over the room.“Do you want to go back home?” He finally whispered. He was biting his lip, looking like he was trying to hold back tears.
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t have a choice.”
“That’s not what I asked you Rei…” Kazuki pressed. Rei shut his eyes tight. Going back to the hellhole where he spent the first 20 years of his life was the last thing he wanted.
“No.” Rei admitted. “No, I don’t want to go back.” Kazuki let out a big sigh of relief
“Then you’re not going back. End of story.” Kazuki said matter of factly, as if it was as simple as that. Rei opened his eyes, watching him as he pressed a bandage on his arm. Kazuki caught his gaze and gave him a little encouraging smile that made a warm pressure flare up in Rei’s chest.
However, that pleasant feeling was replaced by dread when he remembered his mentor's wife, face frozen in the terror she felt before a bullet was put in her head. Rei looked back down at his lap, trying to shake the image of Kazuki in that horrible position out of his head.
“You don’t get it. It doesn’t matter what I want. I have to go back. Rei whispered.
“Like hell you do! We can—“
“He knows about you.” Rei cut Kazuki off. Kazuki looked at him, a little confused. Of course Shigeki would know about him, he was Kazuki’s boss too, but as soon as Rei’s father had said his name, and called Kazuki a ‘bad influence’ Rei knew that he suspected there was more going on between them.
Admittedly, Rei didn’t really understand what that ‘something more’ was, especially as of late. But he knew that he cared about Kazuki, and that that alone put him in danger. “He knows that I…that we…” Rei trailed off, unsure of how to define their relationship. They didn’t exactly fit in any of the traditional boxes anymore. Thankfully, Kazuki was good at reading between the lines when Rei couldn’t find the words and seemed to understand what he was trying to say.
“Do they know about Miri?” He asked in a low voice.
“Not yet, as far as I know.” His father knowing about Kazuki was one thing, but if the organization did know about Miri, Rei knew today would have gone very differently.
“Then we still have time to figure something out.” Kazuki grabbed both of Rei’s shoulders, but Rei still couldn’t bring himself to meet his eyes.
“The longer you’re around me the more danger you’re in. He’ll kill you” Despite the heaviness of the conversation, Kazuki laughed.
“You think I don’t know that?” Rei looked up in surprise at his reaction. Kazuki was giving him a fond smile. That warm pressure in Rei’s chest came back, stronger than ever. It felt good, and that terrified him.
It triggered a telltale tightness behind his eyes that he instinctively shoved back down. Rei averted his eyes and dug his nails into his thigh, hoping the pain would stop the tears from forming. He couldn’t cry. He couldn’t show weakness or else he would just get hurt. He had to be strong. He had to protect Kazuki and Miri, even if it meant being miserable the rest of his life. He had to—
Suddenly he felt a warm hand pressed to his cheek and his face being gently tilted back up. Kazuki’s gaze was piercing, and almost painfully intense, but more than anything it was kind .
“Look Rei, I know you tried to escape the organization before, and it didn’t exactly work out… But things are different now. You have me. I’m the brains of this operation, remember?” He placed his other hand on Rei’s and squeezed to stop him from hurting himself. “I’ve known since the beginning that I might piss off the boss by being your partner, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take.”
“But why?” Rei still didn’t understand what he added to Kazuki’s life. Suddenly, Kazuki’s arms were around him again and Rei’s face was pressed into his chest.
“Because you’re my friend. I like being your partner, and it makes me happy to see you happy. Miri wasn’t the only one who wanted to see you smile, you know?” Kazuki responded, not even having to think about it, like it was the most natural thing in the world for him to care about Rei. Though Rei was still trying very hard to stop it, he felt a couple tears slip out.
“Even if going back to your shithead dad made you happy, I’d want that for you. Though I would be pretty bummed about it.” He added. Rei couldn’t help but huff out a laugh at that. He had never heard someone brave enough to call his father a shithead. Kazuki laughed too and hugged him a little tighter. “My point is. We’re in this together, and we’ll figure something out. Okay?”
“…Okay.” Rei finally hugged him back. He knew logically that leaving the organization was impossible, but something about Kazuki seemed to defy logic.
Rei was always taught that attachments made you weak, that attachments were an open door to be stabbed in the back. He was taught that comfort made you soft, and that kindness was a tool to manipulate others. Yet from the moment they met Kazuki contradicted all of that.
Kazuki had plenty of opportunities and reasons to hurt Rei over the time they had known each other, but he never did, even when Rei messed up or made him mad. He had brought comfort into Rei’s life in the form of soft couches and warm meals and clean clothes. He had picked up the pieces when Rei was at his lowest, not because he was looking to gain something from it, but just because he wanted to. And something about that made Rei feel safer, and stronger. The feeling of needing to cry went away on its own, replaced by a sense of relief.
“Speaking of making you happy. It is still your birthday.” Kazuki gently tugged the elastic out of Rei’s hair and combed through the tangles with his fingers. The tenderness of the gesture was so foreign to Rei, yet not unwelcome. “Why don’t you go take a shower, I’ll pack up the food, and then we can relax and play video games for a bit.” Rei pulled back just enough to look up at Kazuki.
“You want to play video games?” He asked incredulously. Kazuki laughed.
“Let me rephrase that. You can play video games and I will kick my feet up, have a beer, and probably pass out on the couch watching you”
“That sounds right.” Rei finally pulled back. He was exhausted, but he didn’t want to go to sleep yet, and he definitely didn’t want to be alone, so Kazuki’s plan sounded perfect.
“Oh Crap! I almost forgot!” Kazuki sprang up from the couch and rushed back over to the dining table, retrieving a blue paper gift bag that had been sitting under Miri’s high chair. “Your birthday present!” He said, proudly holding it out to Rei.
Rei slowly stood up and took the bag from him, a little confused. He thought the dinner Kazuki and Miri had made was his gift. Rei pushed aside the tissue paper and pulled out a set of pajamas. They were light blue and had a bunch of little cartoon cat faces printed all over them.
“I know you don’t have a lot of pajamas and Miri and I thought you’d like them because…cats.” Rei felt a smile creeping onto his face again.
“Thanks.” Rei hugged the pajamas close to his chest and stepped forward, lightly bumping his forehead against Kazuki’s shoulder. Kazuki took the hint and hugged him.
“You’re welcome!” As nice as the hug was, Rei wanted to get off his feet, and suspected that Kazuki did too, so they broke away quickly. Rei could feel Kazuki watching him as he walked over to the bathroom, but he didn’t mind.
A hot shower made him feel more like a person, and the pajamas were softer than anything he had ever worn, so Rei was much more relaxed when he went back out into the living room. Kazuki was already sitting on the L shaped part of the couch with his legs stretched out. He had changed into pajamas too and had a blanket over his bottom half. The only light in the room was the light of the tv.
“Hey! The pajamas fit! They comfy?”
“Very.”
“They look good on you” Kazuki hummed as he took a large sip of his beer. Rei felt the tips of his ears get hot at the compliment, but thankfully his hair hid it. The couch had plenty of room for both of them, but Rei found himself walking over to Kazuki as the game booted up.
“Can I…sit with you? …So I can…put my feet up too?” Rei cringed internally at himself; he could feel how awkward that request sounded as it came out of his mouth.
“If you want to snuggle you can just say that.” Kazuki teased. Rei hid his embarrassment by rolling his eyes.
“Nevermind.” He grumbled as he sat on one of the smaller cushions, leaving a bit of room in between them.
“Aww come on, I was just teasing, get over here” Suddenly Kazuki’s arms were around his waist and pulling him onto the long cushion.
“…Alright” Rei said, a little relieved. He shifted to get more comfortable and to fully get under the blanket. Kazuki left one of his arms around Rei’s shoulders as he settled back into the corner of the couch. They had never really sat close like this without Miri there. It was just as nice, but somehow felt completely different without her presence as a buffer. It made Rei’s chest do that strange fluttering thing it had been doing more and more lately, but it was also incredibly warm and comforting feeling Kazuki so close to him.
“Which one is this?” Kazuki asked when the game started up.
“Starshine Valley. You have a little farm and you grow crops and raise animals and stuff.” Rei explained. He looked through his inventory and quest list, trying to remember where he left off.
“It looks complicated”
“It is, but it’s really relaxing, and there’s a lot of stuff you can do.” Rei remembered what he was working on and went to go harvest materials for a quest he needed. Kazuki continued to watch him, surprisingly invested and asking questions about what Rei was doing. The game was slow and repetitive, which is just what Rei needed to calm down after the emotional whirlwind of a day.
When Rei woke up a few hours later, he was a little disoriented. He didn’t remember falling asleep, but the soothing soundtrack of the games menu screen was playing and outside the sky was turning purple with the first hints of sunrise, so he must have drifted off.
Kazuki still had an arm around his shoulders, and Rei had at some point turned on his side to fully face him. His head rested on Kazuki’s shoulder. Kazuki was still fast asleep, his chest rising and falling evenly against Rei’s cheek. Rei knew he should probably go sleep in the tub, but he didn’t want to leave. Something about this just felt right.
Rei wasn’t sure what shifted in that moment, but something finally clicked in his brain as he looked at Kazuki’s sleeping face just inches away from his own. He finally understood what he had felt towards Kazuki all this time.
Deep down, on some level, he had known all along, but he was afraid to acknowledge it, because what if it made Kazuki uncomfortable? What if the boss found out that Rei wasn’t interested in women? What if they got together and something bad happened to Kazuki because of it? But as he laid there in Kazuki’s arms, none of that mattered. He felt happy, comfortable, and more than anything, safe.
He felt like he was home.
Rei was too cozy to care about the embarrassment he would probably feel in the morning, so he nestled his face into the crook of Kazuki’s neck. Kazuki made a noise and shifted towards him, resting his hand on Rei’s waist.
He was so warm, like a fiery torch that did its best to chase the shadows away by casting its light everywhere it went. Maybe that torch would burn him eventually, but right now Rei craved that light and warmth like oxygen.
Rei’s entire life had been a deep, lonely darkness until he met Kazuki. He knew it wouldn’t be easy, if it was even possible at all, but maybe there was a way out of the world of darkness that he was born into. And maybe with Kazuki by his side helping him light the way, they would both find their way out of it together.