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The first thing he did when they got back to the TARDIS - when he knew Barbara and Susan and the Doctor were safe - was to have a shower. Ian didn’t need to be told twice. It had become routine, almost a ritual, by this point. Washing away the dirt and grime and alarming amount of blood that seemed to accompany their adventures.
He needed the time to process everything after each excursion of theirs. At least, he thought he ought to need some time alone. But the longer he spent in this shower, the more this odd creeping sensation seemed to come upon him.
It was a sort of nagging feeling in his gut. He inhaled, shook his head slightly, as if trying to dislodge the feeling, and turned the water off. The feeling only seemed to fester with the new silence he got himself dried and dressed in.
It was odd. He always seemed to want some peace and quiet after a long stressful day. Him and Barbara often found themselves complaining, wishing for some silence, on their Thursday lunch breaks after they’d both had Form 7B.
Barbara… The feeling climbed in his throat, choking him slightly. Defeated, he sat down on the edge of his bed with a sigh.
Oh how he missed their lunch time chats. Gossiping and whining about things that, with his new perspective, really didn’t matter. About normal things like bills and bosses and irritating school children.
Not aliens and explosions and near-death experiences. Not toxic pesticides and miniaturisations.
Now, this certainly wouldn’t do. With a determination he only seemed to have when his companions’ lives were in danger, he rose to his feet and stormed out of his room.
The first place he rushed to was Barbara’s room. He knocked quietly to begin, but was just met with that silence again. Ian was really starting to hate the quiet. So, he knocked again. This time, more forcefully. Still, nothing.
Panic started to overtake him. The feeling he’d felt in the shower gripped his chest in a vice grip. With shaking hands, he tried the handle. The door didn’t budge.
Ian had to get in that room. He had to know Barbara was okay. Maybe the pesticide had made her ill anyway? Maybe it had…
No. Not helpful. Thinking about it wouldn’t help. Ian had to do something. He had to see for himself.
Turning on his heel, he hurried towards the control room, determined to find the Doctor or Susan to help him get into Barbara’s room. The TARDIS was a hazy blur as Ian felt his vision go blurry with panic, so he didn’t notice the open greenhouse door he almost sprinted past.
He did notice the humming coming from inside though. And he recognised it.
Barbara often hummed private tunes to herself when they were marking or wandering through town. Or when she was scared.
Ian ran into the greenhouse, stopping dead in the entrance as he saw Barbara. She was sat on a bench next to a table with some Earth flowers Susan had started growing. Her arms were folded on the table with her chin resting on top.
Her hair was wet, recently washed, and there were tear tracks down her face. Her mouth was down-turned in a frown, as she watched the flowers. Her humming was slow, with pauses, the tune only partially audible.
Ian thought she was beautiful. And so alive.
He smiled slightly as he watched her and let out either a chuckle or a sigh - some noise of relief. She was - well, she wasn’t okay - but at least, she was alive.
At the noise, she sat up and turned to him, quickly drying her face with the heels of her palms. “Ian,” she whispered, voice breaking slightly.
“Barbara,” he whispered back, observing her.
Something about her manner broke his heart. He wanted to run over to her, wrap his arms around her, check her pulse. Anything to make the nagging feeling go away completely. But he found himself rooted to the spot.
He swallowed, still battling his anxieties. “Are - are you okay?” he asked, somewhat stupidly.
She smiled weakly at him. “Of course.” Her brows creased as she looked at him in his dishevelled state. “Are you?”
Ian nodded. He found himself oddly out of breath. He’d not run very far and, not to appear arrogant, Ian was quite a fit man. It wasn’t like him to be this tired after so little.
Barbara continued to watch him, unconvinced. After a moment, she moved up slightly on the bench and patted the spot next to her. “Sit with me.”
Ian had never been able to deny Barbara anything so found himself perched on the bench, leaning slightly into her. The feeling lessened its grip slightly, appeased by the warmth brought by being close to her.
“I checked your room. You weren’t there,” he said, simply, as if that explained it all.
Barbara nodded though, so he assumed she understood. “I’m sorry if I worried you,” she replied and he knew she wasn’t just apologising for her absence.
He made a noise of acknowledgement at her, turning to look at the flowers. “It was nice of Susan to plant these. I think she’s -”
“Ian.”
“She’s trying to make us feel a bit more at home. It’s quite sweet of her, really.”
“Ian.” Barbara placed a tentative hand on his shoulder, eliciting a sigh from him.
Ian was by no means a coward. Some may even call him brave. He had faced up to all sorts of villains over the past months. He’d never backed down. Not even when it was the Doctor he found himself facing off against.
But, the bravest thing he ever did, was turning to look at Barbara in that moment. “I was so scared when you collapsed,” he admitted, voice breaking slightly.
“I know,” she whispered back. The hand on his shoulder trailed down his arm to take his own.
“I can’t do this without you, Barbara.”
She squeezed his hand. “You won’t have to. I’m not going anywhere.”
Ian felt tears threaten to fall and shut his eyes tightly, focusing on Barbara’s hand in his. She shifted slightly and leant her head on his shoulder. Slowly opening his eyes to look at her, she’d turned back towards the flowers. He turned too and leant his head on top of hers.
They sat, both staring at the plants. There were Baby’s Breath, Belladonna and Butterfly Weed all growing in front of them. “Do you think Susan got bored after the letter ‘B’?” Ian asked with a smile.
Barbara chuckled wetly and Ian looked down to see her crying silently. He leant back silently to look upwards, thinking.
He’d seen his fair share of people upset. Working with pubescent teenagers or finding themselves in warzones, tragedies, surrounded by very scared people would do that to a person. But they would always show their hurt, desperate for some recognition, some support. Susan alone had needed Ian’s kindness countless times. He could deal with tantrums and panics and loud sobs.
What he couldn’t deal with was Barbara crying silently on his shoulder. He marvelled at how poised and graceful she remained, despite the tears streaming down her face. However, he also wished she’d drop that mask she insisted on keeping. Just for a moment. At least until Ian figured out what to do.
“Barbara…” he started.
“Don’t,” she said weakly.
He turned again to face her. “Look at me,” he asked softly.
Hesitantly, she met his eyes.
“You’re safe,” he promised, forcing as much determination into his vow as he could, for the both of them. Gently, he rested his forehead against hers and looked her intently in her eyes. “I am going to keep you safe,” he whispered.
They maintained their gaze with one another for a moment. Ian felt himself get lost in her eyes, finding a home there. Until suddenly, she started shaking, loud sobs overtaking her body.
Instantly, he found himself wrapping his arms around her, whispering reassurances into her hair as he held her. When the words started to repeat themselves, he just hummed to her, rocking her back and forwards gently, grateful to still have her in his arms.